Sex Humor Porn Stories
Page 5

More jokes

More Jokes

Did you hear about the redneck sex position?

Its called: Rodeo.

You mount the woman from the rear, dog style.
One hand has one turn of hair around it, and the other reaches around and grabs a boob.
You say to her: “Geez, yours are bigger than your s****r’s”

And you have to hang on for 8 seconds…

***

A guy is out for his morning run. He sees a tennis ball laying on the road,
So he picks it up for his dog and put it in his shorts pocket.
He stops at an intersection for a traffic light, and a blonde runner comes up next to him.
Pointing, she asked “What’s that?... Continue»
Posted by masterkapt 2 months ago  |  Categories: Sex Humor  |  
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Jake's Magic Remote XI - Misdirection

I'm so thrilled with the responses here! If anyone is on Reddit, I've also been posting in /r/timestop and /r/sexystories.
This is a long chapter, but I think it's worth it!

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Jake and Sarah were reading in the living room when the doorbell rang. Petra answered, knowing it would be Katie arriving, and welcomed her in.
“Did you eat, Kat? We already did, but there’s some snacks if you want. Oh, you remember my parents.”
Katie came around the corner with Petra and smiled. She was wearing a white tee and a tight pair of jeans, and Jake could swear that she’d grown a cup siz... Continue»
Posted by WriterJim 2 months ago  |  Categories: Masturbation, Sex Humor, Voyeur  |  
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Mommy and Me Pt. 2 - f****y Davey Series

If you don't like i****t stories then this series isn't for you, TURN BACK NOW!

Continued from Pt. 1:

...I put my head back down and realized how sweaty I was. I made an attempt to get back

up for a shower but my mom's mouth prohibited that. It felt so good to have my limp dick in her mouth! So good I closed my eyes and fell in to the dark abyss...



The feel of light on my face made my brain come back to earth. I opened my eyes, looked

around, and remembered the night before. I turned over and saw my mom. She had gone to sl**p naked and didn't cover up. Her perfect body rest... Continue»
Posted by daveyg017 2 months ago  |  Categories: Fetish, Masturbation, Sex Humor  |  
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Don't mess with Mr.Hanson (like Miemke Thorsu

A friend of mine -Ramon- said that Miemke Thorsun sat in my favorite-bar.
She stated before everyone in the bar that I was impotent and did not manage to fuck her.
Ramon said: Will you allow that cheap little whore to keep on like that or are you going to do something about it
I said: No, I guess I have to do something about it.
-Is it the usual gang that hangs in the bar?
-Yeah, you know ...ex-cons,bikers,freaks.Ramon laughed:
-I think I know what you gonna do Hans,you're gonna fuck her in the bar in front of all the guys.
I said:
-Not just fuck her, I will give her a good beating... Continue»
Posted by bigstrong 2 months ago  |  Categories: Anal, Sex Humor  |  
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Kenpachi Zaracki's Training

Nelliel was probably wishing she'd signed up to be tutored in the sword-arts by just about any other teacher in the world right now! This Kenpachi man... Something wasn't right about him... Well, maybe it should be more like there wasn't anything right about him! Worst of all was his height... Their teacher towered over the class at 202cm, making her one of the tallest men she'd ever seen, but he wasn't just tall, the man was looked strong, too!

Surely an instructor of students who still might as well be c***dren like them would be conducted with a taciturn and dignified approach, but all t... Continue»
Posted by drew1207 2 months ago  |  Categories: Fetish, Hardcore, Sex Humor  |  
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Edwina,s Strang Birth Defect



Cool crisp air filled the room as Kyle opened the window. There was a distant sound of birds chirping. To him, they sounded as a big brass band. The flowers were beginning to bloom, showing off their vibrant colors. Spring had finally filled come and admiring it was a great way to spend the morning. A fantastic morning was a good way to ensure a fantastic evening.

Kyle was expecting an evening of spectacular adventures. Not long ago his friend of many months and moon phases, Jed, had informed him of a most peculiar woman. He had also set Kyle up on a blind date with her. Jed made no men... Continue»
Posted by brianbigdogsmith 3 months ago  |  Categories: First Time, Mature, Sex Humor  |  
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Jake's Magic Remote X - Underachievement

NOTE: This story is intended for adults only. It includes elements of voyeurism, time stop, non-consent/reluctance, ince$t, and mind control. If you are offended or upset by this sort of thing, please do not read it. The story is fiction and any resemblance to real persons or events is either coincidental or the result of artistic liberty.
Feedback and positive criticism is welcome, as are suggestions and requests. I write more when I hear more from you, my beloved readers!
Ladies, want to be written into this or another story? I'm always trying to think of new and interesting girls...[/b
... Continue»
Posted by WriterJim 3 months ago  |  Categories: Masturbation, Sex Humor, Voyeur  |  
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Buttsluttery

I had never been so happy to be home. An hour, just to go to the grocery store to pick a few things up for dinner. I thought I was going to beat the rush by going earlier in the day. Not so much, apparently. Now that I was home, and I still had a few hours until I had to start dinner, I was going to take a well-deserved nap. I put my key in the front door, and found it unlocked. I thought that was odd, but, dismissed it, as I may not have locked it when I left. After depositing the groceries in their appropriate locations, I climbed the stairs to the bedroom.

It was still dark, because my ... Continue»
Posted by LickerLicense 3 months ago  |  Categories: Anal, Sex Humor  |  
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Tere, an Older Lady

Chapter 1: Tere




When I was a teenager simply full of raging hormones, I would always look at more mature women (i.e. 30 and above), with respect rather than lust. When I began working, most, if not all, of the thirty plus year old women I knew were either married or career oriented. But that all changed with Tere.



Here's an experience of mine that I will always treasure. I originally wrote this last year, but there were many details I left out. Here’s the story in all its uncensored and unabridged glory.



Some years ago, I was an assistant manager at one of Makati's fi... Continue»
Posted by palaotogko 3 months ago  |  Categories: Mature, Sex Humor  |  
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Jake's Magic Remote IX - Crime and Punishment

NOTE: This story is intended for adults only. It includes elements of voyeurism, time stop, non-consent/reluctance, ince$t, and mind control. If you are offended or upset by this sort of thing, please do not read it. The story is fiction and any resemblance to real persons or events is either coincidental or the result of artistic liberty.
Feedback and positive criticism is welcome, as are suggestions and requests.

Marta adjusted her top as she walked down the aisle toward the break room. She glanced around, smiling and greeting anyone who made eye contact. Always important to do th... Continue»
Posted by WriterJim 3 months ago  |  Categories: Hardcore, Sex Humor, Taboo  |  
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The Anniversary Week - Thursday

The following story is an original work of fiction.

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I awoke to my warm, comfortable, soothing, yet empty bed. Sierra was gone for the day already. For a moment I just lay there thinking, hands beneath my head while I stared up at the ceiling. Sierra had really outdone herself when she'd planned everything out for our anniversary week. Everything had gotten off to a relatively slow start, with our usual romantic setting in the tub on Monday and our laid-back movie on Tue... Continue»
Posted by Ention 3 months ago  |  Categories: First Time, Sex Humor, Voyeur  |  
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The Anniversary Week - Wednesday

The following story is an original work of fiction

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I awoke (again) with Sierra sl**ping next to me. Today was her late day for work, her mid-week respite if you will. She wouldn't have to leave for work a full hour until after I had gone for the day.

Trying not to disturb her, I slowly got out of bed and went to the bathroom to get ready for the new day. Again, Claire had already slipped in and out before she could be noticed. She had an early class and would hav... Continue»
Posted by Ention 3 months ago  |  Categories: Fetish, Sex Humor, Taboo  |  
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Beginning Of My Sex Life With My b*****r part 1

Hey everyone this is Deepika. I was one of those traditional Indian girls who are even shy to look at boys a year back. But it is quite strange how things have changed in a matter of a year. I suddenly took interest in porn and was learning each and every thing I could about sex, thanks to internet. It’s all because of my friends, I joined college recently and had to make friends and fortunately I got a really amazing group of girls so funny and never hesitant to talk about sex and stuff. After a month or so after getting to know each other well the dark side of everyone started to creep out, ... Continue»
Posted by discreetguy690 3 months ago  |  Categories: Mature, Sex Humor, Voyeur  |  
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humor


Softness and hardness
A man bumps against a woman in a hotel lobby. During the collision the elbow mound against the chest thereof. They are both surprised. The man turns to her and say,
"Ma'am, if your heart is as soft as your breast, I know you will forgive me."
To which she replied:
"If your cock is as hard as your elbow, I'm in room 221."

Influantes Stats
A businessman boarded a train and finds himself sitting next to a beautiful woman. He notices that she is reading a book about sexual statistics. He asked about this, and she will answer:
"This is a very interesting book. So th... Continue»
Posted by bastos78 3 months ago  |  Categories: Sex Humor  |  
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Fooled into Bed with s****r


There was very little traffic on the roads that Sunday morning, which was okay by me. I, my s****r and her friend Melissa were on our way into the city proper.

They often invited me to their outings, though perhaps the fact that I had a car was partly responsible for that. I really did enjoy their company though. Melissa was a fun, not to mention attractive, girl and my s****r and I had always gotten along well.

"Aren't we there yet?" Melissa called out from the backseat.

"What are you, a k**?" said my s****r, looking back at her with a teasing smile.

"Just saying your b*****r co... Continue»
Posted by drew1207 3 months ago  |  Categories: Fetish, Sex Humor, Taboo  |  
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Jake's Magic Remote VI - Shenanigans

NOTE: This story is intended for adults only. It includes elements of voyeurism, time stop, non-consent/reluctance, ince$t, and mind control. If you are offended or upset by this sort of thing, please do not read it. The story is fiction and any resemblance to real persons or events is either coincidental or the result of artistic liberty.
Feedback and positive criticism is welcome, as are suggestions and requests.
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Jake walked into the steakhouse with his favorite two women close behind him. It looked like a pretty fun place, with a real “barbeque in a cabin” sort of feel. The... Continue»
Posted by WriterJim 3 months ago  |  Categories: Hardcore, Sex Humor, Taboo  |  
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The Anniversary Week - Tuesday

The following story is an original work of fiction.

I awoke feeling refreshed and excited. Of course part of my energy was from my early bedtime the evening before. Sierra and I had gone to bed right after our dinner and bath time together, which couldn't have been much later than 9:30. But mostly it was because my mind was abuzz with all of the possible scenarios Sierra might have planned out for us to engage in throughout the week. With her in charge, they could be anything... Well, almost anything. We did have a budget to think about so we couldn't do anything too crazy. C... Continue»
Posted by Ention 3 months ago  |  Categories: Lesbian Sex, Masturbation, Sex Humor  |  
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Co-worker's wife part 1

A few years ago, a new guy, Steven, started working at my company. He worked in a different department and was a junior member but we had frequent interaction and became work “friends.” We would occasionally have to attend conferences or travel for work and over a short period of time, I got to know him pretty well. Steve was a good worker and a nice guy. He was somewhat of a newlywed, married about 2 years, no k**s. Steve and his wife Jordan were both early 20’s and I was mid 30’s and married with three k**s. I had met his wife Jordan a few times and she was a girl next door type cutie.... Continue»
Posted by krazyfork 3 months ago  |  Categories: Fetish, Hardcore, Sex Humor  |  
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caught ?

As with all my stories these are truthful recollections of things past, except for the ones which are fantasies (lol) - you choose which you think they are!

Names are real in the hope that the people involved will read about themselves and get in touch, (except where because of reasons that should be obvious, it could cause the person to be put in an embarrassing situation)

If you enjoy them please give them the thumbs up; if you really like them please comment and if you REALLY like them mail me and I’ll tell you more than I can put here! And if you recognise yourself – get in touch
... Continue»
Posted by merlinnz 3 months ago  |  Categories: Sex Humor, Taboo, Voyeur  |  
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Solo

Listening to my co-worker, Jessica talk about her latest 'adventures' with boyfriend, Mark, had left me feeling pretty depressed and probably doubled my own frustration. Being sent on business trip after business trip as part of my new job as an Assistant to a major CEO within the US had left me feeling lonely at night as I lay in a double bed alone in a empty Hotel room. I haven't seen Ronan, my boyfriend in a few weeks, and the different time zones had limited our interaction through phone calls, iMessages, Skype and social media.

I dropped my towel to the floor, still feeling damp from ... Continue»
Posted by ella-x 3 months ago  |  Categories: Masturbation, Sex Humor, Voyeur  |  
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