Sex Humor Porn Stories
Page 13

Masturbation is his hobby, common in retirement co

About 5 years ago I met up with a much older gentleman over the holiday while visiting f****y in FL.
Not cut for a porn movie but at least it was real. I only embellished a few things. Guess and I'll tell you at the end what I exaggerated.

Anyway, this old man, 70, had several hobbies, including one new hobby, one we had in common.
It was early evening, shortly after dinner, and his wife had already gone to bed. I knocked softly, as instructed, and he greeted me in a shirt and bathrobe.
"I always get comfortable in my bathrobe after she is off to bed" he quipped.
He had no hangups o... Continue»
Posted by trevor100a 7 months ago  |  Categories: First Time, Masturbation, Sex Humor  |  
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ProfNigma Stories #5: If Wishes Were Hornets #6

iCarly/Victorious: If Wishes Were Hornets #6 – Carly

"I wish my life was more like one of those fairy tales."

When Carly woke up, she instantly felt an overwhelming wooziness, and rolled out of bed. She reached for her phone on her night-stand, but she just felt open air. She opened her eyes expecting the bright morning sun to be shining in, but the light was very dim. And as she looked around the room, she realized that this was not where she went to sl*ep.

The room was almost all black and there were videos of iCarly going and lots of clocks all over the wall. Each clo... Continue»
Posted by FrankSinner 7 months ago  |  Categories: Celebrities, Sex Humor  |  
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Dark Nites

DarkNites I


The slap reverberated around the room. Jason gritted his teeth trying
desperately to keep hold of his temper. Daphne started towards the door but
Jason caught hold of her wrist, his eyes steely.

"You're not going anywhere until we've got this settled. Daphne
glanced coolly at his hand and then back to his face. Then she brought her
foot down on his. Hard.

Jason gave a furious growl and exploded into action. Grabbing her,
he swept her off her her feet and headed toward the bedroom. Daphne
gasped in anger.

"How dare you!", she bit out, starting to jerk and kick as... Continue»
Posted by AndrewBonzua 7 months ago  |  Categories: Anal, Masturbation, Sex Humor  |  
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Festive First-Time


"Oh hi!"
I was greeted by a cheery voice in the street I was walking down, early in the Boxing Day evening.
I looked up to see a familiar gorgeous chubby face.

"Hey!"
I beamed instantly recognising the large plump red-headed beauty.

"It's Danni, I was wondering if I'd ever see you again!"
She chirped, her beautiful chubby cheeks glowing a pinkish hue in the cold weather.

"Me too, I'm glad to have bumped into you."
I smiled, really happy to see her again. She was wearing a lovely wintry fur-trimmed coat,
black leggings which looked like her big thick luscious thighs was about ... Continue»
Posted by LittleMissFart 7 months ago  |  Categories: First Time, Lesbian Sex, Sex Humor  |  
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A Big One

I lead a pretty mundane life, or at least I did until last week when I had an experience that changed my life.

I'm a digital photo editor and web designer, and for the last few years, I have worked in the adult industry, making web sites and taking/retouching photos for adult entertainment clients. Most of my friends bust my balls and ask questions about my work on a regular basis, "I bet you get laid all the time, taking pictures of naked chicks.” or "Does your dick get hard when taking pictures of chicks?" or "Do I get turned on when a guy pops a boner during a shoot?" etc. In fact, nothi... Continue»
Posted by ndamood4sum 7 months ago  |  Categories: First Time, Sex Humor  |  
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The Hot Affair

Tossing and turning on the bed; she found that sl**p would not come to her, as her mind was full of vivid memories of the days fun they had just enjoyed. A smile came across her face as she remembered each detail of their Anniversary dinner. Choosing a more private affair than most they had decided to go to the local park with a blanket. Once there she realised there was no food. Arching an eyebrow questioning at him he had laughed, pulled her down onto the blanket, lifted her skirt and started to lick and suck her clit. Every so often lifting his head to insert a finger into her wet pulsin... Continue»
Posted by craigus44 8 months ago  |  Categories: Anal, Masturbation, Sex Humor  |  
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Story behind the "Caught fucking and sucking

I uploaded a two part video that happened in Phoenix Dec 27. As you guys know I visit the Phoenix office atleast once per month. This past Saturday 12/27/14 I was at a local bar. I would disclose the bar name however last time I shared a location we had 2x as many guys at it and the same amount of women. I guess only guys read my stories lol. This is the majority of the conversation some small talk of course is not recounted. Enjoy and watch both of the videos Part 1 Caught fucking milf in parking lot and part 2

Anyway A milf was seated next to me and we made small talk as we watched ... Continue»
Posted by dblacknhou 8 months ago  |  Categories: Interracial Sex, Sex Humor, Voyeur  |  
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A favour for Misty 4

A favour for Misty 4
You remember I have just been called its late afternoon and I am in the company of her indoors and I don’t know what the silly cow has hatched with Misty, I am freshly showered , recently slept and a worried man as she who must be obeyed has as yet not spoken on the subject of the big fat lady over the road who is a devoted sub and a sex mad maiden who we have rescued from committing suicide!...with me so far or do you want time to re read parts 1,2 and 3? Ok here we go again then.
Realising I have committed the silly mistake [in my defence I had a hangover from the e... Continue»
Posted by alibodge 8 months ago  |  Categories: BDSM, Lesbian Sex, Sex Humor  |  
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My Big Fat Farty Friend 3

Hello lovelies, it's Danni here again just in time for Christmas...though there's no way you could fit me down your chimney hehe!

I can't believe how much you all love my silly little anecdotes, but I'm so glad you do and I'm happy to share them here via my lovely mate.

So, when I last left you I was talking about the time I was trapped in a lift and how I stunk the place out before getting rescued by a very hunky very dishy fireman.

I'm going to tell you what happened next.

It was a couple of nights later when Brendan, that was the fireman's name, rang me. I'd just got in from wo... Continue»
Posted by gwensational 8 months ago  |  Categories: Fetish, Sex Humor, Taboo  |  
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My Big Fat Farty Friend 4 : Festive Farts

I love Christmas. I love the presents, giving and receiving, I love catching up with folks and friends, I love lazing in front of the TV watching movies I've seen a dozen times before already and all the festive specials, but most of all I love the food.

Christmas Day saw me blitz everything on my plate. As is tradition I go back to the folks where mum lays on all the trimmings; turkey, roasted potatoes, mash potatoes, carrots and turnips, stuffing, pigs in blankets, parsnips and of course sprouts.

Not many people like sprouts. They kind of endure them for Christmas because its tradition... Continue»
Posted by gwensational 8 months ago  |  Categories: Fetish, Sex Humor, Taboo  |  
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Best Roadtrip Ever

Best Roadtrip Ever

Summer of 2014 my girlfriend and I were going to take a trip to California. We had planned just planned this and we were set and ready to roll. She then recently found out about her little cousin. Just graduated high school. Boyfriend broke up with her and had to head to college. Seems like a bad way to end your senior year. No celebration? We were late 20's and weren't much older but she called us her aunt and uncle. So being mature wee decided to take her along. It wasn't intended for a long trip we had already told her yet she decided to take up on our offer. My girlfr... Continue»
Posted by mrlolgg 8 months ago  |  Categories: Masturbation, Sex Humor, Taboo  |  
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Adventures of a bored Dublin wife. Part 2, Joe the

It had only been a month since I fucked Paul next door for the first time.I had fucked him 3 more times since,but I had already grown bored of it.It was great sex,but always the same.Last night Jack came home with what looked suspiciously like a love bite on his neck,probably from Caron his secetary.I asked him about it and he had just laughed in my face.
So today I had planned to fuck Paul,just to get even.But he wasn't at home.His dad said he had moved back in with his girlfriend.Damn.No more sex on the side.Just to make my day worse, there was a leak under the kitchen sink.I had asked Jack... Continue»
Posted by jackelaine 8 months ago  |  Categories: Hardcore, Sex Humor, Taboo  |  
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Cum Shot Party!

Hi, I'm Jason and I would prefer to use this outlet to describe what has happened in my life, especially with my sex life with regards to my wife Beth. I wrote one previous story about what happened last year at my wife's college reunion (see "Her Bad College Days").

Since that weekend, I have done my best to forget what I saw. It had been on a video tape that guys from a nearby fraternity had made of my wife not long after she appeared in a college girls edition of Playboy magazine. The photo of my wife published in Playboy was innocent enough. It was a shot of her turning back, smiling at... Continue»
Posted by yurato 8 months ago  |  Categories: Masturbation, Sex Humor, Taboo  |  
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Teens 2

Story 2

Crazy hippie junky love, that was all about the relationship between Marry and Alex. They would take every toilet in every bar, every party we went, and every scene with them ended up with them fucking like crazy. Unfortunately she was really a junky in those days so, of course she was slowly changing him too.
One day I was in the kitchen, drinking some beer, when they came to me laughing. Marry sat down, took some beer and light a cigarette. She was dressed in one of those colorful dresses, and a leather jacket that I guess it was her guys’. She looked damn hot. “You know what ... Continue»
Posted by HerbaAlice 8 months ago  |  Categories: Group Sex, Lesbian Sex, Sex Humor  |  
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Bad Santa: A Christmas Eve (Part 3)

Nick untied Monika, wanting her in a better position. He lifted her naked body up as if she didn’t weigh anything, placing her face down on the cold dining room table, Monika gasping as her nipples touched the cold wood.
“Don’t worry, I’ll warm you up soon.” He took some of the red rope, pulling her arms behind her, crossing them as he twisted the rope from her wrists all the way to her elbows.
Nick pushed the hair from her face as he turned so she could see him, as if she didn’t know what he was going to do. He was going to fuck her in the ass. She could still feel the butt plug in her eve... Continue»
Posted by catherine-belmont 8 months ago  |  Categories: BDSM, Hardcore, Sex Humor  |  
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A favour for Misty 3

A favour for Misty 3
The church clock was striking midnight as I put my key in my home door lock, like a d***k tiptoeing from the pub hoping to be quiet, like something from a seaside postcard her indoors was waiting, no doubt to pounce!
“Oh you finally bothered to come home then”
“Yes my sweet” [be subservient it may save some explanations]
“Took your bl**dy time didntcha”
“Yes my sweet” [so far so good]
“You are d***k”
“Not as d***k as you were when you came home from misty`s”
[woop`s that was a mistake even a d***k knows when his foot is in the p*o for something he had said]
“Wha... Continue»
Posted by alibodge 8 months ago  |  Categories: BDSM, Sex Humor  |  
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Bad Santa: A Christmas Eve (Part 2)

Monika was so glad she came, in spite of cumming all over Nick’s beard. And the bed. She felt much more relaxed. She licked the hard cock still in her mouth almost lovingly, wondering why he didn’t cum yet. He slipped his cock out of her mouth, her tongue following it, her neck stretching to reach it.
“Let me make you cum,” she begged him, the salty taste of his precum still in her mouth. She licked her lips. It wasn’t so bad, even when he choked that monster down her throat. She hated to admit it, but it was the bondage that did it. Helpless and f***ed to do anything he wanted to do to her. ... Continue»
Posted by catherine-belmont 8 months ago  |  Categories: BDSM, Hardcore, Sex Humor  |  
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Bad Santa: A Christmas Eve (Part 1)

With best regards to my co-autor Jennie. [user]http://de.xhamster.com/user/lady-jen[/user]

Monika finished up her bath, ready for bed but not to sl**p. It was Christmas Eve, Monika eagerly awaiting a special Christmas orgasm; her mound freshly shaven and she was extremely horny. It was as though Santa was going to bring her this tremendous orgasm that would cascade through her body in an ultimate explosion like nothing she ever felt before. She lay back on the satin sheets carefully, the bed freshly made as if was going to hold a virgin to be deflowered. She turned off the bright lights unt... Continue»
Posted by catherine-belmont 8 months ago  |  Categories: BDSM, Sex Humor  |  
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The Expanded Back Story Of Sarah, A Girl From The


In the 2 years I spent as a bartender there were only two girls, Sarah and Kelly, that I fucked just to fuck.
The other 13 I actually liked in some way or another, I mean I didn' want to marry them or anything, but they all had some charm.

But not Sarah. Sarah was hot alright, in fact I ranked her at the top 3 of the hottest girls I fucked while working at the bar. She had nice long dirty blond/light brown hair, a very respectable body, I'm not talking rail thin or anything, but the meat was in all the right places. mainly her tits, a nice 36C if I remember correctly and a fine ... Continue»
Posted by the_bartender 8 months ago  |  Categories: Anal, Sex Humor  |  
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The Back Story Of Mandy From The Bar

Mandy was a really strange one.

I ran into her at the bar pretty early on in my bartending days... She was in college, and would come to the bar most Tuesdays with some friends for what ever the Tuesday night special was.

Anyway, I noticed she was the shy one in the group, always avoiding the d***ken frat boys that wandered from table to table trying to get their dicks wet. One night she and her two friends sat at the bar. I saw it as my chance to bone a "nice Jewish girl" and started to talk with her. I don't really remember that much about it, or her, other then it took a few more v... Continue»
Posted by the_bartender 8 months ago  |  Categories: Anal, Sex Humor, Voyeur  |  
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