I'm walking over to the kitchen when I hear Lisa call "Selfish!" in that half mocking tone she loves so much. She looks at my mug and gestures to me with her own. "Ah, shit, sorry Lisa, tea or coffee?" I reply, with a melodramatic bow. It's a running joke we have, me being her skivvy. I've been working for her on this project for over six months now. You couldn't want much more from a boss, she knows her stuff but doesn't lord it over us. Keeps the teams happy, backs us up when it counts but isn't afraid to tell you when you're talking shit. Combined with that she's gorgeous, so as far as I'm... Continue»
Sex Humor Porn Stories Page 12
When I was in seventh grade, a f****y moved in next door. Their son was one grade ahead of me. We lived in a rural place where there were not a lot of people around. I didn't have any b*****rs or s****rs, and he didn't either, so we became best friends.
One summer day, Tommy called me because he was home alone. His parents had to take a trip to a place 100 miles away. It was for grown-up business and he would have been bored so he did not go. He asked me to come over. So I did.
We talked for awhile, and then he asked me if I could keep a secret. I said yes, and he told me that he had a s... Continue»
First story. Hope you enjoy!
There wasn't ever really anything important in my life,and there really isn't anything important now. That was until of course, I met her. Let me elaborate on who I am. My name is John, but people also refer to me as Jack. I'm a 24 year old World Traveler/Philantropist/Philosopher/Writer. I discover alot of the things that are for say " Unknown to the general public" and while I'm doing my travels help in the community and also discover exactly who I am abit then afterwards I spend the time to write and sometimes publish my experiences in novels. I'm a good 6'5,... Continue»
When I was a teenager, and anyone with a penis also, I had alot of wet dreams. Like more than normal I think, one a week AT LEAST. And doing sports and classes in highschool letft me with little time to sl**p at home and get all that I needed. Just like everyone else I wanted to catch a few extra Z's here and there so sometimes I would have to take to sl**ping in class. Having my proficiency in having wet dreams though, sl**ping in class was always a risk. It never happened to me my first two years of highschool, and never in my last, but one time, during that third year, it happened...I was ... Continue»
it all started when me and my bf at the time was sat in the living room it had been a pretty boring day we were just having a couple of drinks as we did on most occasions and i was getting a little horny so i looked at my bf and said i was going to put a dvd on so i walked ova to my bag and pulled out a porn dvd and wen he realised what i had put on u saw a smile come right across his face he looked pleased so we started to watch it and continue our drinking by the end of it we had started to kiss and caress each other just on top of our clothes we started to get in to the moment and he slowly... Continue»
The queue, waiting for the first lift is large, but my eyes focus happily on the blonde hair of a woman ahead of me, rather than the floor indicator above each lift. I love women like her, slim, mature, maybe even over fifty, dressed in a suit, shiny hair in a bob style, elegant and feminine.
I am going into the same lift as her, just so that I may gaze discretely at her and enjoy her good looks. My head thrills at the possibility that she has a thin blouse and underneath, a Camisole top. Utterly divine!
The right hand lift arrives and a mass of people shuffle sideways to get it, but ... Continue»
1. Cut your finger nails!
This is such a simple little thing, but it goes a long way. You will be hard pressed to find any area on her body more sensitive than her vagina (inside and out), and the LAST thing you want to do is completely ruin the mood with a scratch. How do you know if your nails are cut short enough? Touch your gums with the tips of your fingers, how do they feel? If you're not sure, cut them. (If you're having daily sex with your partner, you might be cutting your fingernails as often as every 2-3 days.) But believe me, it's THAT important.
2. Listen and pay attention (in b... Continue»
i was born in new jersey, grown up in new jersey and never ever ever left new jersey. why you ask. don't drive and no one drive me. trenton is where i am and will be always. at 67 old i want go to atlantic city. my landlord say's dudley, you want to go for ride to casinos and i want. so it happened. he drive and i so happy and tell him i got no money. he know because he get my disability check for rent. he say dudley, no worry, i help you but you have to pay back. i say i no want gamble, i want pussy. after long drive in middle i got go pp. we stop and i go pee. then i hungry and want burger a... Continue»
The girl with the violin had my full intention now. Chicks masturbating has always been a huge turn on for me.
"so you were saying?.." I said still laying on my side facing her, propping myself up on my elbow.
"What? every girl puts something in there eventually" she said
"Oh yeah, I know that" I said to her with an uncontrollable grin.
"You want details?" she said, in a way that was more of a 'I should have known' than an actual question.
"yes please!" I said with exaggerated enthusiasm
"jeez" "I have a hairbrush that I've been using for years, but it's the only thing I've ever used"
29, Single white male seeks similar age female with good looks and vibrant personality. I’m getting tired of writing that on internet dating sites. I started this journal to release my inner thoughts on paper but so far I've only confirmed my sexual inadequacies and personal hang ups. I’m creeping ever closer to 30 and I’m yet to find ’The one’ I've had 3 relationships in the past 10 years and had sex about as many times. I’m beginning to realise life isn't like the movies.
I've read plenty of erotic stories on the internet and seen even more Porn films. I should be an expert at this stuff... Continue»
Two things that I’ve pondered over and wondered about until just recently are: 1) I LOVE the smell of b*by powder! It gets me excited and makes me stand up and salute! –No, I’m not THAT much of a pervert; I don’t get into girls who aren’t the right age, but a lot of legal girls and women use it, too! And 2) whenever I see something particularly erotic, something that really turns me on, whether it be a really sexy picture or video, or if I’m with a decidedly delicious girl, or even when I just have a sexy daydream, I begin to sneeze! I mean I don’t just sneeze once or twice, but eight... Continue»
We sat there in the back of the taxi. The girl with the violin continued staring out the window of the cab after telling me I should have kissed her back on the balcony. I slid my way closer to her "is it too late to do it now?"
Before she responded I leaned in a little to give her a peck on the cheek. As I did so she turned her head to face me, presumably to answer my question. The result was an awkward kiss. My lips missing their intended target, landing half on her lips and half on the side of her face. She moved her head more toward me making the correction and kissed me back.
The taxi... Continue»
As the title says this is not exactly a sex story. Before I start this story, I want to tell a few things about myself. People call me different. I take it as an compliment. Some call me a sexual fanisizer, again thanks for the compliment. I never feel akward talking about sex with anyone. Rather I feel comfortable. I have no issues speaking with girls. I mingle with everyone. This is all u need to know.
I had crushes on many girls right from my college days and its always been a sexual desire. I watch porn every... Continue»
Beth smirked at her friend across the room and quickly sipped from her mid afternoon glass of Chablis in an attempt to stop herself from giggling. Jenna, her friend since school, wasn't fairing quite so well in stifling her own fit of girlish giggles. As her shoulders began to silently shake, Beth knew it was only a matter of time before her friend would let out her customary bizarre high pitched whine, which always preceded the inevitable complete break down into hysterics for both women.
Beth had been here many times before. Like the time, many years ago at a party, where Beth awoke to th... Continue»
I made a sponge cake the other day. Unfortunately we ran out of icing sugar so it was a bit plain. We sat down to eat it when I said to my boyfriend "It's a bit dry without icing"
"I could help with that if you like" he replied with a cheeky wink.
"Go on then" I said. He looked a bit shocked. I was serious.
"You really want me to? It might taste a bit funny" He said with a smile on his face.
"Come here and unload over my slice. I want you to ice it for me. Do it." A stern look on my face.
Immediately he got up and came over unzipping his jeans and pulled out his cock. I wat... Continue»
A few years ago I got into internet dating sites - well really adult hook up sites. Had some good times, some strange times and a lot of wasted time chatting. This is a true story that ended up being a pretty funny mistake.
I had been chatting with Jill for a few weeks when we finally decided to hook up one Friday night at a bar that was about 35 or 40 minutes away from me. She had said the place was going to be crowded - but she'd be at the bar - she had dirty blonde hair, a little curly and I could just call her 'J'. I had some problems finding the place, getting a little lost, unti... Continue»
GROWING UP IN A HOUSE FULL OF WOMEN
This story is a little different than other stories I have written and submitted. Some of you may like it…Some of you won’t. (I suppose that is the norm with every story on this forum).
The main characters are as follows: Billy (Me), Aunt Judy, Grandma Thelma, Great Aunt Alice (Thelma’s s****r), Cousin Kelly (Judy’s daughter), and my s****r, Michelle. We all live in a very matriarchal household. I am the only boy in 5 genarations on my mom’s side of the f****y. I was 8 when my grandfather passed away, leaving me as the only male in the house. My D... Continue»
Just for fun, an interesting analysis of data from the Internet Adult Film Data Base of some 7000 females and 3000 males.
Data is US-centric and percentage discussions are of women unless otherwise noted.
Weight is the biggest distinction between porn stars and the general population.
Porn stars are quite a bit lighter. At 117 lbs, the average female performer is a considerable 48 lbs under the national average for women, and the average male, at 167.5 lbs, weighs 27 lbs less than the national average for men.
The average male and female performer are the same height as the average... Continue»
She actually had Furby toys. Dead serious. But she was horny, petite, blonde, and a screamer. I met her through a friend that I performed with in community stage productions. She did some tailoring or something like that. I wasn't really paying attention. We were out on the town, she was loud, flirtatious and pretty open about how she wanted to have my cock that night.
It was my friend, and the two girls out on the town, being irresponsible. Drinks, yelling stupid stuff walking down the stre... Continue»
What kind of panties do I wear? Well there are three types really. The type I normally wear under my jeans or the white cotton hipsters that I wear a lot are just an ordinary T bone thong. Most of them are white although I do have some that are different shades of red, from pink upwards, most are transparent and some of them have ribbons attached.
They have a small triangular piece of material in the front, which gets narrower as it reaches my slit. Most just cover the slit and then there is a cord that disappears up my crack and when it comes out the top, it attaches to the cord c... Continue»