Sex Humor Porn Stories
Page 111

One time...

A while back, when I wasn't dating anyone at all. I got really hungry for some cum in my mouth like I usually do. I figured how hard can this be, right? I'm a cute young girl, I see guys undressing me with their eyes every day of the week. So I end up at this bar really close to where I live intending to order a bottle of something so I can suck it at cute guys from across the room if I had to (always worked for me before, right?). So, I get there and there is like nobody there except grizzly types and old fat dudes. Then a confident looking chubby guy caught my eye as the best candidate out o... Continue»
Posted by MoreSpunkPleez 4 years ago  |  Categories: Fetish, First Time, Sex Humor  |  
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Soldiers Girl part 3

I was gonna have his babies, I knew this from day one. He made me so happy that I almost couldn't stand it. He was always so kind and so caring towards everyone and was always willing to give someone help. That's why I loved him..

It was October and He told me that he would be gone all month and be back In November. I helped him pack his bags, the usual camo uniform, boots, socks, tooth brush, tooth paste, all the goodies. I feared this day for a while. I guess I always knew it was coming, I told him before he found out he was gonna deploy that you never know, he might get called in early ... Continue»
Posted by lovely16 4 years ago  |  Categories: First Time, Sex Humor, Taboo  |  
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Car Wars

Car Wars.. Chevy Corvette Vrs Toyota Prius.
I wrote once that God Drives a Chevy Corvette, Toyota Prius was made by the Devil. Only one person ever said anything about that. She wrote to me and said " But Prius cars are great for giving abortions in!"
It hurt... It was like a knife was thrust into my V8 heart. So I wrote this.
I'm not sure if I could describe in detail the power felt when shifting that Corvette from Second gear to third, at 4500 RPMs... You can feel the mechanics like the bolt action on a powerful rife, slowly but firmly pushing the projectile into the tight virgin barrel.... Continue»
Posted by VampireVan 4 years ago  |  Categories: Hardcore, Mature, Sex Humor  |  
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THEFORBIDDENMAN QUEST

IT WAS NOT THAT LONG AGO,
That i got around to setting this thing up, in the first place, After meeting two very nice polite large Women here i wantedto add my personal touch to things and as most people know me as SIR or MASTER would expect me to revert to type and would DOMINATE THEM yes no you descide how this pans out. so what to do diffrently yes i like these two women and from our chats they seem to like me, but its not enough (Typical MALE) i want something more something Special, something unique for WiCKED ME TO ENJOY. what shall it be, how about seeing them, hop on a plain from the ... Continue»
Posted by THEFORBIDDENMAN 4 years ago  |  Categories: BDSM, First Time, Sex Humor  |  
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A walk in the park

I promised myself at Midnight on New Years Eve that as I had now hit the big 40 it was time to get a bit fitter and not rely on sex as my only form of exercise ! I had bought myself a new lacy bra in the sales yesterday and decided I would wear it this morning. Its nice but a bit thin and doesn't leave much to the imagination ! Anyway I put a t-hirt on and my nipples were protruding but I thought it would be ok as I was putting a jacket on and it was a nice feeling as they were rubbing against the lace. Jacket, scarf and gloves on I set off for the local park. It was a cold clear morning and ... Continue»
Posted by sexiesam 4 years ago  |  Categories: Sex Humor  |  
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Dear Dirty Diary - part 16

Dear Dirty Diary,

Thanksgiving weekend all the Huntingdon stores started pushing their winter fashions, so Louise and I went shopping. Even with all the closet space in our new apartment, I had to do some fall-cleaning to make room. I dumped out my pantyhose and tights drawer on the bed beside my relaxing husband.

Each pair I got rid of, Doug would pick up, carefully examine, then like an old fart would ask, “What’s wrong with these?”

I’d point out the runs in the expensive ones and the starchy feet and sags of the cheap ones. I hesitated for too long before tossing out one ... Continue»
Posted by AdorableLaura 4 years ago  |  Categories: Group Sex, Masturbation, Sex Humor  |  
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RIGHT PLACE BUT WRONG TIME..

I met this girl at the store about two weeks ago. We talked on the phone for awhile before she invited me to her house which was about an hour away. The next morning she picked me up and we went there. The girl didnt waste no time getting down to business. We fucked in the bed on the floor and in the shower.NOW this happend every day but one day i noticed these shoes and wondard to myself whose were they but i diddnt say anything. The next time i went routine as usual,we made it the shower and as im pounding her ass from behind someone walked in the bathroom guess what it was her boyfriend. He... Continue»
Posted by MJG007 4 years ago  |  Categories: Sex Humor  |  
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A Surprise BJ

"Oh my God! That girl's booty is SO fat!" laughed Rico as Elyse walked by. "You think you can get with that, T? Elyse Greer is the FINEST girl at Sanctuary High School. If you got with her, you would be top dog around here."





Those words stuck with me all my junior and senior years of high school. Elyse really was one of the most beautiful girls at SHS, but that is not why she was the most desirable; guys wanted her because they couldn't have her. Elyse was a good girl in the body every bad girl wanted. She had the most perfect DD tits that would make Pam Anderson cry and butt so jui... Continue»
Posted by ballzyturtl 4 years ago  |  Categories: First Time, Interracial Sex, Sex Humor  |  
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Dear Dirty Diary - part 12

Dear Dirty Diary,

My darling husband returned today after his five day, late September fishing trip to Schooner Lake. After thorough questioning it turned out he’d gotten a little apprehensive being all alone up there amongst the wailing loons and spirits of dead Algonquin Indians. He swears there’s some kind of energy around the fire pit on the island that spooks him. So he drove back down to the condo to visit the k**s. On the way down from Plevna, he went to a Saturday night concert at Peterborough and saw Lisa Brokop perform. I was so pissed, but when he pulled out a signed copy ... Continue»
Posted by AdorableLaura 4 years ago  |  Categories: Mature, Sex Humor  |  
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Dear Dirty Diary - part 10

Dear Dirty Diary,

A week had passed and Doug announced the completion of our new bed. I checked out all its clothing drawers, the sliding compartments in the headboard and its bed linen bin at its foot. I ran my fingers all over its satin-finished pine and had to admit it was really handsome. My husband had done a beautiful job, but I was concerned with how we’d transport it to Quebec. He told me it was all assembled with deck screws and could be easily broken down into pieces. He said the drawers, filled with all our clothing and bedding could be stacked on top of the framework pieces.... Continue»
Posted by AdorableLaura 4 years ago  |  Categories: Fetish, Mature, Sex Humor  |  
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Dear Dirty Diary - part 9

Dear Dirty Diary,

Eight weeks had passed since Doug had come home from the hospital. He was still a little pale looking and complained of being cold all the time because of the bl**d thinners. The night before, he was detached and completely immersed in a Blue Jays baseball game. Early the following morning was gray and rainy and I was feeling quite sorry for myself. Like a fool looking for comfort, I went down into the den, popped in that Lisa Brokop “When I get to be you” CD into the stereo and cranked up the volume.
... Continue»
Posted by AdorableLaura 4 years ago  |  Categories: Fetish, Lesbian Sex, Sex Humor  |  
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Men Jokes

One day God called Adam to him and said: "Adam, I have some good news and some bad news. Which would you like to hear first?"
"The good news," replied Adam.
"Well, the good news is I gave you a penis and a brain."
"OK.." said Adam warily. "And what's the bad news?"
"I only gave you enough bl**d to operate one at time."

Why are men so bad at sex and driving?
Because the bastards always pull out with no thought of who else might be coming.

What does it mean when a man is in your bed gasping for breath and calling your name?
You didn't hold the pillow down long enough.

How can you ... Continue»
Posted by TeenieR 4 years ago  |  Categories: Sex Humor  |  
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NYMPHOCOM - ch 02

The Mind Control Machine


Chapter 2 - Julie wants more


During the next few days I did not see Julie and, as her boyfriend was probably back, I did not want to check on her. I was concerned about what were her thoughts ... Would she go crazy about what she had done ? Had she noticed that she had been influenced by an outside f***e ? I did not want to try the NYMPHOCOM on another girl before having made sure that its waves were completely harmless, except for a girl's sexuality of course. I had checked the device entirely several times and apart for the orgasm triggered by the cum swa... Continue»
Posted by Erocus 4 years ago  |  Categories: Anal, First Time, Sex Humor  |  
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NYMPHOCOM - ch 03

(I was inspired by a story I found somewhere on the net, it was called "Sam's fall from grace", I don't know the author but thanks a lot to him for the great story)

Chapter 3 - the AJHAB feature


I did not sl**p well that night. I was having nightmares about my close encounter with death. Julie and I were just incredibly lucky to not have been caught by her muscular boyfriend. Thanks to her quick reaction and also to the fact that her boyfriend was probably exhausted from his football match I made it safely out of her apartment. But what would have happened if he had come home five mi... Continue»
Posted by Erocus 4 years ago  |  Categories: Anal, Masturbation, Sex Humor  |  
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NYMPHOCOM - ch 01

The Mind Control Machine - ch01

Disclaimer : I am not a native English speaker so please don't hesitate to correct me if there are sentences which are not understandable !

Please comment/flame as appropriate !


Prologue

Controlling somebody else's mind has always been a common fantasy throughout the ages. Nothing is more fascinating than to have other human beings obeying your will without any restriction even at the risk of their own life. Many scientists have tried to uncover the secrets of the brain but so far our most complex organ has remained a mystery. We know that th... Continue»
Posted by Erocus 4 years ago  |  Categories: Anal, First Time, Sex Humor  |  
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Alien in town / there really are Orions

In my younger days, I was a decent amateur photographer. Once, when a friend got married she asked me to take her pictures. I agreed to do them for free if she bought the film. Neither f****y had much money and she readily agreed. Her future spouse came from a f****y where both mother and father had c***dren by previous marriages as well as some together. Except for the future groom, all were girls and all from 16 years old and up.Again, to save money, the mothers bought material and started sewing the dresses for the bridesmaids, most of whom were the groom's s****rs. They chose a bright for... Continue»
Posted by sometimesbored 4 years ago  |  Categories: Sex Humor  |  
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cum over for a drink (short but sweet)

I have this story to share, never actually told it to anyone before but it’s kind of fun so enjoy.
I live outside of town a couple of miles and therefore the parties always ended up at my place. Far enough from town that we can have a big fire and make some noise and no one cares but close enough to still get a taxi home or whatever. So, this was a typical small party. About 25 people gathered around the fire pit which was in my back yard. The house was always open so people could use the fridge or washroom etc. It was about midnight or so when I accidentally spilled a drink onto my pant leg... Continue»
Posted by mr_pearson12 4 years ago  |  Categories: Sex Humor  |  
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The 12 Days of Christmas - The True story

THE TWELVE DAYS OF CHRISTMAS
DAY ONE:

Dearest Bob,
I went to the door today and the postman delivered
a partridge in a pear tree. What a thoroughly delightful gift.
I couldn't have been more surprised.
With deepest love and affection,
Violet



DAY TWO:

Dearest Bob,
Today the postman brought your very sweet gift.
Justimagine...two turtle doves!!
I'm delighted at your very thoughtful gift.
They are just too adorable.
My everlasting love,
Violet


DAY THREE:

My Dear Bob,
Oh! Aren't you the extravagant one!
Now I actually must protest.
I don't deserve ... Continue»
Posted by OlGeezer 4 years ago  |  Categories: Sex Humor  |  
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RECIPE: HOW TO MAKE LOVE




Ingredients:


4 Laughing eyes
4 Well-shaped legs
4 Loving arms
2 Firm milk containers
2 Nuts
1 soft, warm mixing bowl
1 Firm banana


Directions:


1. Look into laughing eyes.
2. Spread well-shaped legs with loving arms.
3. Squeeze and massage milk containers very gently.
4. Gently add firm banana to mixing bowl, working in and out until well creamed. For best results. Continue to knead milk containers.
5. As heat rises, plunge banana deep into mixing bowl and cover with nuts, leave to soak (preferably NOT overnight).
6. The cake is done when banana is... Continue»
Posted by papa61 4 years ago  |  Categories: Sex Humor  |  
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A boy and his girlfriend .......

A boy takes his girlfriend home after going out together. When they reach the front door, he leans against the wall with one hand and says,

"Sweetie, can you give me a blowjob?"
"What? Are you crazy!?"
He says "Don't worry, it will be quick, no problem."
"No!! Someone may see -- a relative, a neighbor, anyone..."
"At this time of the night? No one will show up honey..."
She insistantly says "I've already said NO. Someone will see us."
At this point he pleas one last time, "My love... Please don't be like that..."


At that moment, the girlfriend's younger s****r shows up at ... Continue»
Posted by papa61 4 years ago  |  Categories: Sex Humor  |  
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