Sex Humor Porn Stories
Page 111

Sandwiches




There is this senior in high-school and he is mad because he has to share his room with his b*****r, Little Johnny, who is 9. They have bunk-beds and the older b*****r is on top...so one night the big b*****r comes home with his girlfriend for a little fun....he says to her.."My lil b*****r is asl**p, whisper tomato for harder and lettuce for a different position."

So they get up in the top bunk and begin getting it on, she begins saying lettuce, tomato, lettuce, tomato, lettuce, tomato." eventually she begins to yell "LETUCE, TOMATO, LETTUCE, TOMATO" finally the Little Johnny wak... Continue»
Posted by papa61 4 years ago  |  Categories: Sex Humor  |  
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Sex Therapy-Florida Style

A Florida couple, both well into their 80s, go to a sex ther****t's office.

The doctor asks, "What can I do for you?"

The man says, "Will you watch us have sexual intercourse?"

The doctor raises both eyebrows, but he is so amazed that such an elderly couple is asking for sexual advice that he agrees.

When the couple finishes, the doctor says, "There's absolutely nothing wrong with the way you have intercourse." He thanks them for coming, he wishes them good luck, he charges them $50 and he says goodbye.
Finally, after 5 or 6 weeks of this routine, the doctor says, "I'm sorry... Continue»
Posted by papa61 4 years ago  |  Categories: Sex Humor  |  
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The little boy with his trainset.... ( joke..!!! )

A few days after Christmas, a mother was working in the kitchen listening to her young son playing with his new electric train in the living room.
She heard the train stop and her son said, "All of you sons of b*tches who want off, get the hell off now, cause this is the last stop! And all of you sons of b*tches who are getting on, get your asses in the train, cause we're going down the tracks."
The mother went nuts and told her son, "We don't use that kind of language in this house. Now I want you to go to your room and you are to stay there for TWO HOURS. When you come out, you may play ... Continue»
Posted by papa61 4 years ago  |  Categories: Sex Humor  |  
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joke... about a qay parrot


A guy decides that maybe he'd like to have a pet and goes to a pet shop.

After looking around he spots a parrot sitting on a little perch; it doesn't have any feet or legs. The guy says out loud, "Geez, I wonder what happened to this parrot?"

"I was born this way," says the parrot. "I'm a defective parrot."

"Ha, ha," the guy laughs. "It sounded like this parrot actually understood what I said and answered me."

"I understand every word," says the parrot. "I am a highly intelligent and thoroughly educated bird."

"Yeah?" the guy asks. "Then answer this: how do you hang onto ... Continue»
Posted by papa61 4 years ago  |  Categories: Sex Humor  |  
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Joke..!!

One day an at home wife is alone and the doorbell rings.

She opens it to a guy, "Hi, is Tony home?"

The wife replies, "No, he went to the store, but you can wait here if you want."

So they sit down and after a while of silence the friend says "You know Sara, you have the greatest breasts I have ever seen. I'd give you a hundred pounds just to see one."

Sara thinks about it for a second and figures, what the hell - a hundred pounds! She opens her robe and shows one to him for a few seconds. He promptly thanks her and throws a hundred pounds on the table. They sit there a while longe... Continue»
Posted by papa61 4 years ago  |  Categories: Sex Humor  |  
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24

Ever hear that old rap song “It was a Good Day” by Ice Cube?

The song refers to that one inevitable day that every one has where everything goes “right”, you can’t make a mistake and you have the luck of the Irish.

Well, I recently had one of those days. It was probably one of the greatest days in my life.

For a little background on me (to put things in perspective) … I live and work in San Francisco. It’s a great city, but I have what is deemed bad karma. My friends tease me by calling me “Peter Parker” because I’m a little bit klutzy and always have some trouble with the ladies.
... Continue»
Posted by mondotoken 4 years ago  |  Categories: Anal, Interracial Sex, Sex Humor  |  
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Nostalgia: Details about my sexual partners

I haven't been with many women, I am not even old enough to drink yet so I still got time! I have been with a few different girls & have had a few nice experiences with each of them, sorry no visuals for any of them. Only my most recent ex:
http://xhamster.com/photos/gallery/227247-1.html
So here's a little info on the girls I was with & some of the experiences I've had so far.

Name - Age
Race
Hair Color - Type
Eye Color
Age I was when I was with them
What I did with them
Best experience





Amanda - 18
White
Black - Straight Long (To hips)
Light Blue
18
HJ, BJ, Sex, Ana... Continue»
Posted by overdoser 4 years ago  |  Categories: First Time, Hardcore, Sex Humor  |  
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Peeping tom

Last week I was ready for a girls nite out with my best girlfriend but once again her husband decided to ruin it all by getting sick so she opted to stay home and take care of him instead:(((. So all alone and nothing to do I got on xhamster and started watching a little bit'o'porn playing with my increasingly wet pussy. Well about 10 or 15 minutes into taking care of myself I realized that i had forgotten to draw my shades shut....oops..... When I looked out I could see into my neighbors window and there he was staring right into my window. Cock in hand an just. Pulling away at it. Well i ... Continue»
Posted by torreyann 4 years ago  |  Categories: Masturbation, Sex Humor, Voyeur  |  
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Joke..!!

A married couple is lying in bed one night. The wife is curled up, ready to go to sl**p, and the husband turns his bed lamp on to read a book. As he’s reading, he periodically reaches over to his wife and fondles her special area. He does this a few times, but only for a very short interval before returning to read his book.

The wife gradually becomes more and more aroused and, assuming that her husband is seeking some encouragement before going further, Gets up and starts stripping in front of him.

The husband is confused and asks, "Why are you taking off your clothes?"

His wife repl... Continue»
Posted by papa61 4 years ago  |  Categories: Sex Humor  |  
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Joke..

A married couple is lying in bed one night. The wife is curled up, ready to go to sl**p, and the husband turns his bed lamp on to read a book. As he’s reading, he periodically reaches over to his wife and fondles her special area. He does this a few times, but only for a very short interval before returning to read his book.

The wife gradually becomes more and more aroused and, assuming that her husband is seeking some encouragement before going further, Gets up and starts stripping in front of him.

The husband is confused and asks, "Why are you taking off your clothes?"

His wife repl... Continue»
Posted by papa61 4 years ago  |  Categories: Sex Humor  |  
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Funny Tag team orgy

When i was 18 i had my first orgy ...it was me, my boy, this girl i had just met, and her friend. It all started at cici's (pizza buffet) me and my boy had walked in to grab a bite when we came across two big booty chicks ...we hit it off and started talking after five min's into the convo 1 of the girls asked if we wanted to fuck!!!! lol i know i couldn't believe it myself it was as if an angel came down and sprinkled pussy juices all over my throbbing cock ..... i was so shocked that they were so strait fwd i pulled my boy to the side and told him "man no homo b*o but this is a one inna life... Continue»
Posted by bardio09 4 years ago  |  Categories: Group Sex, Hardcore, Sex Humor  |  
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In Military Service

Chapter One: The Surprise

Daniel was an 18 year old soldier fresh from boot camp. He had been trained for military service with the Atlantic Alliance Army - a major world organization with open military world operations. He was about to be sent out to his first assignment aboard a small ship called the Virginia, stationed off the coast of China in the North Pacific. The A3 consisted of personnel from all over Europe, North America, and English influenced international locations such as Japan. He was going to meet up with his squad, and begin his career as a "mercenary peace keeper", perform... Continue»
Posted by Ferguson2010 4 years ago  |  Categories: Group Sex, Lesbian Sex, Sex Humor  |  
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Mothers milk

Mothers milk

Roby had just turned sixteen when this happened. He didn’t know what was next? He quickly was making his way down the hall to his room. He lay on his bed, butterflies churning in his stomach. He really wasn’t sure what was going on, but his body was telling him something. For the first time he had seen his mother not in the way he always had growing up, but in a much different way. He meant she aroused him. Yeah, he was sexually excited. He began to wonder if there was something wrong with him lusting after his own mother like this. He didn’t know.On the other hand, sinc... Continue»
Posted by nana414 4 years ago  |  Categories: Mature, Sex Humor, Taboo  |  
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Nur Geil

Im Hausflur begegnete mir mal meine Nachbarin, sie ist schon etwas reifer, deshalb aber keineswegs unattraktiv, sie strahlt einfach dieses Frauliche aus, kein Mädchen mehr. Wie ich anhand ihrer Einkaustüten sah, war sie auf dem Weg zum Supermarkt, da mein Auto derzeit etwas fahruntüchtig ist, fragte ich frecher Weise, mit einem sympathischen Lächeln, ob sie mich mitnehmen würde. Sie freute sich, da das Einkaufen an sich, ja eher langweiliger Natur ist, halt ein notgedrungenes Unterfangen. Ich brauchte nicht viel, so waren wir mehr mit ihren Sachen beschäftigt, als mit meinen. Wir alb... Continue»
Posted by Fordig 4 years ago  |  Categories: First Time, Sex Humor, Shemales  |  
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A Happy Thanksgiving With My Cousin

This story is completely fictional!

It had been a few months since I had seen my cousin Sara and when she got to my house for thanksgiving I was stunned at how sexy she looked. Since I had seen her last, she had cut her hair and more importantly developed a nice set of tits. Not too big and not too small, just perfect for a track runner like she was. She had a slim body but perfect ass which I loved to stare at. When everyone arrived I took their coats and threw them on my bed, Sara came with me and threw a few coats down too. She commented on how messy my room was and laughed when she s
... Continue»
Posted by faddy02 4 years ago  |  Categories: First Time, Hardcore, Sex Humor  |  
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Water Masturbation

One great thing about my tiny apartment is my big soaker bath tub. I spend lots of time there relaxing and washing away the day's worries. Tonight was one of those nights when I needed to soak with bubbles surrounding my aching body. Work wasn't overly difficult today but I've been stressed out a lot lately.

As I laid in the tub, I started to think about my One. He loves to bath me, wash me, caress me in the tub. He treats me like his "little girl" and I love that. But it had been a while since I had masturbated and came. I haven't been in the "mood" which is also very unusual for me. I lai... Continue»
Posted by Kinkster-Gal 4 years ago  |  Categories: Masturbation, Sex Humor  |  
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STILL FUCKED OVER ONCE AGAIN AND THEN SOME

You know you have faith in someone to only find out how really sick they are.....who in their right mind would find pregnant women appealing? Especially when you have a slim good looking thing at home? Who in their right mind would go to a motel for what i call a pornathon? Damm your hand really needs to be sore maybe that is why u have more muscles on the right than the left. And interested in chicks with dicks? Just wrong......I love sex and think it is the most erotic thing.....not with this dirbag though...hummm nice anything man but this one..........gosh he would be tired lol.......... Continue»
Posted by fucked-over 4 years ago  |  Categories: Sex Humor  |  
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Haze Balls! I fucked my pledge's girlfriend

That party was sick b*o. Glad you came out. Sucks you had to keep the fire going last night, but its pledge ship you’ll get used to it. Anyways while everyone was hanging out by the fire I asked your girlfriend Erin to give me a ride to the store so I could get a pack of cigarettes. She was looking so fucking sexy. Those slutty heels and that short black dress. Dude you’re lucky. Anyways I asked her how ya’ll were doing when she took me to the store.
She complained about how you were always doing stuff at the fraternity house for pledge ship. She says she never gets to spend any tim... Continue»
Posted by MonsterFish 4 years ago  |  Categories: Hardcore, Sex Humor, Taboo  |  
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Craigslist II

I was on fire one night, what I call a manic night. posted an ad on CL. I never read those ads so I don't know what is normal but I was very specific what I wanted. Size, body/build, age range, and that i wanted aggressive endless pounding, something to that effect. in otherwords, i wasn't into the whole foreplay crap where the guy thinks we require them to make us cum to feed their ego before they can get themselves off inside us. That routine drives me nuts. I'd rather he go down on me after, when his cum is there for him to lick up, if anything.
I didn't need to cum, I didn't care if I ca... Continue»
Posted by TabooXtreme13 4 years ago  |  Categories: Hardcore, Sex Humor  |  
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pit stop

Me and my girlfreind at the time where heading back from a holiday we had been driving round Spain. Fucking drinkin and partying our way round.
we were about a days driving away from home and had decided to pull in for the night at a hotel.
we got checked in to our room and went to get food on the way back we spotted a pub and Jen my GF wanted to go for a drink but i had left my wallet in the hotel cos she was paying for dinner. she went to the pub and i went back to the hotel.
i headed to the pub as i walked in i look for jen but i could not see her so i asked the bar staff they said she w... Continue»
Posted by lukewallace 4 years ago  |  Categories: Anal, Group Sex, Sex Humor  |  
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