Sex Humor Porn Stories
Page 110

Penis Types

Penis Types

1. Expensive Penis:
Not many penis fall into this definition. Expensive penis can be recognized by the following - suit and tie, nice vehicle, expensive watches, and well groomed.
Advantages: when you close your purse and make him pay for your dates he’ll disappear.
Disadvantages: his mother will fall to her knees and beg you to take him away.

2.Cheap Penis: Is not rare at all, they live with their parents and take the bus. Because they don’t have a job to buy a car.
Advantage: once his many sources of borrowed money runs out he’ll go away.
... Continue»
Posted by xhamporn 4 years ago  |  Categories: Sex Humor  |  
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Pussy Types

1. Expensive Pussy
Most pussy falls into this definition. Expensive Pussy can be recognized by the following – fur coats, $500 dresses, spandex, bright colored shorts, and shirts with greek letters on them. 98% of good pussy falls into this category.
Advantages: If you can afford it, it will be great.
Disadvantages: Many, mostly in the form of checking account depletion. Often not worth it.
2. Cheap Pussy
Very rare. Usually comes in the form of a girlfriend of yours who will not go away no matter what you do. Cheap Pussy can be recognized by the following – she will often pa... Continue»
Posted by sexy_boy1985 4 years ago  |  Categories: Mature, Sex Humor, Voyeur  |  
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Hunter and the Hunted

I was having a chat to someone recently about the way online flirtation works, and she confirmed my suspicions to me.

"We are the hunted, and you are the hunters," she said, and of course it's so true. And it's probably as it should be and as old a story as Cromagnon man.
Man see woman.
Man want woman.
Man grunt.
Woman shriek and run away.
Man chase.
Woman catches stiletto in undergrowth.
Man catch.
And whatever happens in the bushes is the way of the world.

But it's even more true online than in the real world.

Every woman I talk to online and/or meet in real li... Continue»
Posted by hornyhung2009 4 years ago  |  Categories: Sex Humor  |  
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A visit in the night

Chigaru entered Asim’s room like the predator he was. He knew what he wanted and wasn’t leaving without it. Approaching the bed he looked down at Asim’s sl**ping form and smiled at the small snores he could hear. Asim was sl**ping so peacefully. As he turned for the door Asim rolled over and opened his eyes.
“Chigaru couldn’t speak as he looked down at Asim’s chest laid bare by the slipping sheet. He rolled over and sat up some making the sheet slip down even more showing Asim’s smooth mid-drift and as Chigaru looked he saw a trail of hair leading from Asim’s bellybutton down below the c... Continue»
Posted by bigdick099 4 years ago  |  Categories: Anal, Gay Male, Sex Humor  |  
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fuckin in d classroom

It was first time of ever fingerin a gal usually I dreamt about it and masturbated to it... Anyway let me not bore u... I was in class getting some assignments done den she came to class men were those boobs huge aniway we were talking nd den I bought up d topic of sex asking her if she has done it before I den ask do it wit me she said ok. She den sat on my laps nd startd grinding me god was dat good I den dragged ha skirt down nd started fingering ha she nw started talkin dirty tellin me 2 swirl ha cunt it den got me horny nd made me grow bigger she den took me in her mouth suckin me til I c... Continue»
Posted by hornynigerian 4 years ago  |  Categories: First Time, Masturbation, Sex Humor  |  
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One time...

A while back, when I wasn't dating anyone at all. I got really hungry for some cum in my mouth like I usually do. I figured how hard can this be, right? I'm a cute young girl, I see guys undressing me with their eyes every day of the week. So I end up at this bar really close to where I live intending to order a bottle of something so I can suck it at cute guys from across the room if I had to (always worked for me before, right?). So, I get there and there is like nobody there except grizzly types and old fat dudes. Then a confident looking chubby guy caught my eye as the best candidate out o... Continue»
Posted by MoreSpunkPleez 4 years ago  |  Categories: Fetish, First Time, Sex Humor  |  
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Soldiers Girl part 3

I was gonna have his babies, I knew this from day one. He made me so happy that I almost couldn't stand it. He was always so kind and so caring towards everyone and was always willing to give someone help. That's why I loved him..

It was October and He told me that he would be gone all month and be back In November. I helped him pack his bags, the usual camo uniform, boots, socks, tooth brush, tooth paste, all the goodies. I feared this day for a while. I guess I always knew it was coming, I told him before he found out he was gonna deploy that you never know, he might get called in early ... Continue»
Posted by lovely16 4 years ago  |  Categories: First Time, Sex Humor, Taboo  |  
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Car Wars

Car Wars.. Chevy Corvette Vrs Toyota Prius.
I wrote once that God Drives a Chevy Corvette, Toyota Prius was made by the Devil. Only one person ever said anything about that. She wrote to me and said " But Prius cars are great for giving abortions in!"
It hurt... It was like a knife was thrust into my V8 heart. So I wrote this.
I'm not sure if I could describe in detail the power felt when shifting that Corvette from Second gear to third, at 4500 RPMs... You can feel the mechanics like the bolt action on a powerful rife, slowly but firmly pushing the projectile into the tight virgin barrel.... Continue»
Posted by VampireVan 4 years ago  |  Categories: Hardcore, Mature, Sex Humor  |  
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THEFORBIDDENMAN QUEST

IT WAS NOT THAT LONG AGO,
That i got around to setting this thing up, in the first place, After meeting two very nice polite large Women here i wantedto add my personal touch to things and as most people know me as SIR or MASTER would expect me to revert to type and would DOMINATE THEM yes no you descide how this pans out. so what to do diffrently yes i like these two women and from our chats they seem to like me, but its not enough (Typical MALE) i want something more something Special, something unique for WiCKED ME TO ENJOY. what shall it be, how about seeing them, hop on a plain from the ... Continue»
Posted by THEFORBIDDENMAN 4 years ago  |  Categories: BDSM, First Time, Sex Humor  |  
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A walk in the park

I promised myself at Midnight on New Years Eve that as I had now hit the big 40 it was time to get a bit fitter and not rely on sex as my only form of exercise ! I had bought myself a new lacy bra in the sales yesterday and decided I would wear it this morning. Its nice but a bit thin and doesn't leave much to the imagination ! Anyway I put a t-hirt on and my nipples were protruding but I thought it would be ok as I was putting a jacket on and it was a nice feeling as they were rubbing against the lace. Jacket, scarf and gloves on I set off for the local park. It was a cold clear morning and ... Continue»
Posted by sexiesam 4 years ago  |  Categories: Sex Humor  |  
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Dear Dirty Diary - part 16

Dear Dirty Diary,

Thanksgiving weekend all the Huntingdon stores started pushing their winter fashions, so Louise and I went shopping. Even with all the closet space in our new apartment, I had to do some fall-cleaning to make room. I dumped out my pantyhose and tights drawer on the bed beside my relaxing husband.

Each pair I got rid of, Doug would pick up, carefully examine, then like an old fart would ask, “What’s wrong with these?”

I’d point out the runs in the expensive ones and the starchy feet and sags of the cheap ones. I hesitated for too long before tossing out one ... Continue»
Posted by AdorableLaura 4 years ago  |  Categories: Group Sex, Masturbation, Sex Humor  |  
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RIGHT PLACE BUT WRONG TIME..

I met this girl at the store about two weeks ago. We talked on the phone for awhile before she invited me to her house which was about an hour away. The next morning she picked me up and we went there. The girl didnt waste no time getting down to business. We fucked in the bed on the floor and in the shower.NOW this happend every day but one day i noticed these shoes and wondard to myself whose were they but i diddnt say anything. The next time i went routine as usual,we made it the shower and as im pounding her ass from behind someone walked in the bathroom guess what it was her boyfriend. He... Continue»
Posted by MJG007 4 years ago  |  Categories: Sex Humor  |  
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A Surprise BJ

"Oh my God! That girl's booty is SO fat!" laughed Rico as Elyse walked by. "You think you can get with that, T? Elyse Greer is the FINEST girl at Sanctuary High School. If you got with her, you would be top dog around here."





Those words stuck with me all my junior and senior years of high school. Elyse really was one of the most beautiful girls at SHS, but that is not why she was the most desirable; guys wanted her because they couldn't have her. Elyse was a good girl in the body every bad girl wanted. She had the most perfect DD tits that would make Pam Anderson cry and butt so jui... Continue»
Posted by ballzyturtl 4 years ago  |  Categories: First Time, Interracial Sex, Sex Humor  |  
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Dear Dirty Diary - part 12

Dear Dirty Diary,

My darling husband returned today after his five day, late September fishing trip to Schooner Lake. After thorough questioning it turned out he’d gotten a little apprehensive being all alone up there amongst the wailing loons and spirits of dead Algonquin Indians. He swears there’s some kind of energy around the fire pit on the island that spooks him. So he drove back down to the condo to visit the k**s. On the way down from Plevna, he went to a Saturday night concert at Peterborough and saw Lisa Brokop perform. I was so pissed, but when he pulled out a signed copy ... Continue»
Posted by AdorableLaura 4 years ago  |  Categories: Mature, Sex Humor  |  
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Dear Dirty Diary - part 10

Dear Dirty Diary,

A week had passed and Doug announced the completion of our new bed. I checked out all its clothing drawers, the sliding compartments in the headboard and its bed linen bin at its foot. I ran my fingers all over its satin-finished pine and had to admit it was really handsome. My husband had done a beautiful job, but I was concerned with how we’d transport it to Quebec. He told me it was all assembled with deck screws and could be easily broken down into pieces. He said the drawers, filled with all our clothing and bedding could be stacked on top of the framework pieces.... Continue»
Posted by AdorableLaura 4 years ago  |  Categories: Fetish, Mature, Sex Humor  |  
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Dear Dirty Diary - part 9

Dear Dirty Diary,

Eight weeks had passed since Doug had come home from the hospital. He was still a little pale looking and complained of being cold all the time because of the bl**d thinners. The night before, he was detached and completely immersed in a Blue Jays baseball game. Early the following morning was gray and rainy and I was feeling quite sorry for myself. Like a fool looking for comfort, I went down into the den, popped in that Lisa Brokop “When I get to be you” CD into the stereo and cranked up the volume.
... Continue»
Posted by AdorableLaura 4 years ago  |  Categories: Fetish, Lesbian Sex, Sex Humor  |  
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Men Jokes

One day God called Adam to him and said: "Adam, I have some good news and some bad news. Which would you like to hear first?"
"The good news," replied Adam.
"Well, the good news is I gave you a penis and a brain."
"OK.." said Adam warily. "And what's the bad news?"
"I only gave you enough bl**d to operate one at time."

Why are men so bad at sex and driving?
Because the bastards always pull out with no thought of who else might be coming.

What does it mean when a man is in your bed gasping for breath and calling your name?
You didn't hold the pillow down long enough.

How can you ... Continue»
Posted by TeenieR 4 years ago  |  Categories: Sex Humor  |  
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NYMPHOCOM - ch 02

The Mind Control Machine


Chapter 2 - Julie wants more


During the next few days I did not see Julie and, as her boyfriend was probably back, I did not want to check on her. I was concerned about what were her thoughts ... Would she go crazy about what she had done ? Had she noticed that she had been influenced by an outside f***e ? I did not want to try the NYMPHOCOM on another girl before having made sure that its waves were completely harmless, except for a girl's sexuality of course. I had checked the device entirely several times and apart for the orgasm triggered by the cum swa... Continue»
Posted by Erocus 4 years ago  |  Categories: Anal, First Time, Sex Humor  |  
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NYMPHOCOM - ch 03

(I was inspired by a story I found somewhere on the net, it was called "Sam's fall from grace", I don't know the author but thanks a lot to him for the great story)

Chapter 3 - the AJHAB feature


I did not sl**p well that night. I was having nightmares about my close encounter with death. Julie and I were just incredibly lucky to not have been caught by her muscular boyfriend. Thanks to her quick reaction and also to the fact that her boyfriend was probably exhausted from his football match I made it safely out of her apartment. But what would have happened if he had come home five mi... Continue»
Posted by Erocus 4 years ago  |  Categories: Anal, Masturbation, Sex Humor  |  
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NYMPHOCOM - ch 01

The Mind Control Machine - ch01

Disclaimer : I am not a native English speaker so please don't hesitate to correct me if there are sentences which are not understandable !

Please comment/flame as appropriate !


Prologue

Controlling somebody else's mind has always been a common fantasy throughout the ages. Nothing is more fascinating than to have other human beings obeying your will without any restriction even at the risk of their own life. Many scientists have tried to uncover the secrets of the brain but so far our most complex organ has remained a mystery. We know that th... Continue»
Posted by Erocus 4 years ago  |  Categories: Anal, First Time, Sex Humor  |  
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