Sex Humor Porn Stories Page 109
Frenchman, an Italian and an American were discussing love-making.
"Last night I made love to my wife three times" boasted the
Frenchman. "She was in sheer ecstasy this morning..."
"Ah, last night I made love to my wife six times," the Italian
responded, "and this morning she made me a wonderful omelette
and told me she could never love another man."
When the American remained silent, the Frenchman smugly asked,
"And how many times did you make love to your wife last night?"
"Once." he replied.
"Only once?" the Italian arrogantly snorted. "And what did she
say to you ... Continue»
Now that I have known you good folks for a while, let me introduce to you my best friend - CAN YOU GUESS,WHO HE IS? Apparently we first meet shortly after my birth, but I must admit, that I really did not pay much attention to our relationship for the first 7-8 years of my life. Now at some point in time shortly after my 8th birthday, our relationship took to turn for the better. I started to realize, that my friend could actually be interesting company and I started to grow really fond of him. I started to play with him from time to time and soon realized, that with proper attention and a bit... Continue»
Little Johnny is delivering newspapers.
He knocks on a door and says to the lady,
"I'm collecting today... that'll be five dollars."
She says, "I'm a little short on cash, but I'll gladly
give you some great sex instead."
Little Johnny agrees, "All right."
He walks in and the lady undoes his pants and pulls them
down. To her surprise, she sees the biggest penis she's
Little Johnny then reaches into his shirt pocket, pulls
out a handful of washers, and begins sliding them onto
The lady says, "You don't have to do that... I can take
all o... Continue»
Dear Dirty Diary,
Giggles and whispers filtered through into my recurrent dream staring The Devil’s Dick. His big black penis stood fire hose stiff as I tore the wrapper off the extra large condom I took out of my purse. As I rolled the slippery latex sheath down his extraordinary erection, I was delighted to find it fit perfectly right down to its base. I cranked his seatback lower, whipped my jeans and panties off, swung my left leg over and straddled him. I centered the head of his penis in my pussy, and then let my shaking knees relax. His big knob popped in somewhat uncomfortably, b... Continue»
I was talking with my Dom, earlier today and we were reminiscing about the indiscretions I had while I was married. Its not like it didn't happen once or twice, it occurred multiple times and in different ways with each time getting more brazen. He couldn't believe that my husband did not have the balls to punish a relentless little slut like me and put me in my place. Especially since he wanted to remain married to me. Yet he never set me on a path where I would forget cheating, cybersex, phone sex, webcamming or have any sexual contact with another man (or woman) without his explicit consent... Continue»
One day a young man and woman were in their bedroom making love.
All of a sudden a bumble bee entered the bedroom window. As the young lady
parted her legs the bee entered her vagina. The woman started screaming
"Oh my God, help me, there's a bee in my vagina!"
The husband immediately took her to the local doctor and explained the situation.
The doctor thought for a moment and said "Hmm, tricky situation. But I
have a solution to the problem if young sir would permit."
The husband being very concerned agreed that the doctor could use whatever
method to get the bee out ... Continue»
A mother had three daughters and, on their wedding, she tells each
one to write back about their married life.
To avoid possible embarrassment to their new husbands by openly
discussing their love lives, the mother and daughters agree to
using newspaper advertisements as a "code" to let the mother know how
their love lives are going.
The first one gets married and the second day the letter arrives
with a single message, simply: "MAXWELL COFFEE HOUSE".
Mother got the newspaper and checked the Maxwell Coffee House
advertisement, and it says:"Satisfaction to the last drop..... Continue»
True story, though doesn't every one start that way...
When I was twenty I worked at a resort in the hills of Northern California. I was cooking for a seasonal resort hotel-restaurant. The place was, or still is, in a part of the redwood forest on a secluded stretch of Highway 101, a short walk from the dramatic cliffs and winding trails down to lagoons of the California coast.
The job was lousy, but the pay was incredible and the scenery was unbeatable. The main advantage of the place was that it was a beautiful resort, and it was large and secluded enough that it had housing and apart... Continue»
Shaggy felt cold slobber on his face, waking him immediately. "Oh man, Scooby..." he groaned. Scooby-Doo, his Great Dane, began giggling and licked his face again. Shaggy responded by a scratch between his brown ears. "Norville!!" a female voice called from upstairs. "Come and get breakfast!"
"Mom, like, stop calling me that!"
"As long as you're still living in my basement, I'll call you whatever I like, now get your breakfast!"
Shaggy looked at Scooby and said, "Like, well, let's get something to eat." Food was his primary motivation in doing anything.
Shaggy ran up the stairs, cl... Continue»
I'm not gay, but my new flatmate is. His name is Mike (not his real name. His real name is Jayson.) I'm straight, and I've never really had much contact with gay guys. He seemed alright though, and a couple of nights after he moved in, we had a few drinks and a chat and got to know each other. He's really cool, and we have heaps in common. We've both just broken up with people, we both think relationships suck right now, and we both like white wine and Futurama. I think I'm gonna enjoy having a gay friend.
With no sex I keep waking up horny. A week ago I was in the shower, and I got out... Continue»
After my divorce from my 2ND wife; I had to stay with my parents; while the former owners of my new house moved out. I slept in their spare bedroom. I always sl**p in the nude; I don't own a pair of pj's; since I always go commando; I don't own any underwear either. One Saturday morning I slept late; since I didn't have to work. It had been a hot night , and I had kicked off all the covers. I was sl**ping on my back dreaming about my new girlfriend. and had an erection. My Mother came to wake me for a late breakfast and opened the door without knocking. I didn't awaken immediately; so she step... Continue»
I cannot help it I love your dick,
Upon its head I like to lick.
I love the hardness of your shaft,
It’s no game but a well skilled craft.
I love to linger around its head,
And make you cum all over the bed.
And oh we can’t forget the balls,
Cause their my favorite part of all.
I’ll finish the task by jacking you off,
And swallow real well so you don’t make me cough.
I LOVE THE COCK!
I love to eat your creamy pie,
About this fact I could not lie.
To take my time and eat you well,
To taste your love and feel you swell.
It is the greatest thought of all,
When flaccidly resting his mock impotence is taken for granted, lack of excitement showing in his diminished size. Where does his mass disappear to? He looks peaceful lying there silent, patient, waiting for a feeling that he is needed or some sign of interest from a female. Until then he will lie restfully limp.
Then suddenly, as if to show that he is alive, he wakes. Rising tall and straight out of the surroundings. No slow waking, no delay. He springs to life. Nothing to everything in an instant. His size increases to double its proportion immediately.
His head, slightly larger than th... Continue»
He stands, staring down into the clear pool seeing reflections of others. Others that he has known and some he only wished he had known. His thoughts are not the clear thoughts of a man in true consideration of events gone by, but a cyclone of pictures like the vision one is said to have before dying. He is not dying, he is very much alive and in complete control. His heart beats at a rhythm he is himself imposing. As the rhythm increases so does the cyclone of thought. What is seen doesn’t matter anymore as long as the rhythm is kept. His eyes are now clenched shut; grinding teeth, clear pear... Continue»
“Okay, it's pizza time!” Rachel excitedly called out to the group. The other four girls all squealed with delight. Everyone knew what it meant to order pizza. It meant it was time for the pizza game.
The game was really simple but extremely fun and exciting. First, the girls would decide on a game game to play; usually spin the bottle or poker or something easy like that. They didn't play for money, but for the clothes they wore. The first girl nude was the loser and had to order and pay for the piz... Continue»
Continued on from my story.
so christmas has come and gone.
It was a rather hectic one. 24-27th of christmas at my parents house and the 27th-30th was at my darling bappys. so many good memories. so much to catch up on eh.
over the christmas period i'd come to realize all relationships were based around sex even if they say it doesn't. women use it for their own advantage, men use it as a release of pressure and its been proven in my relationship recently. christmas came with a strawberry flavour and some dirty talk driving the parents to leaving the house as soon as they heard the b... Continue»
1. Expensive Penis:
Not many penis fall into this definition. Expensive penis can be recognized by the following - suit and tie, nice vehicle, expensive watches, and well groomed.
Advantages: when you close your purse and make him pay for your dates he’ll disappear.
Disadvantages: his mother will fall to her knees and beg you to take him away.
2.Cheap Penis: Is not rare at all, they live with their parents and take the bus. Because they don’t have a job to buy a car.
Advantage: once his many sources of borrowed money runs out he’ll go away.
1. Expensive Pussy
Most pussy falls into this definition. Expensive Pussy can be recognized by the following – fur coats, $500 dresses, spandex, bright colored shorts, and shirts with greek letters on them. 98% of good pussy falls into this category.
Advantages: If you can afford it, it will be great.
Disadvantages: Many, mostly in the form of checking account depletion. Often not worth it.
2. Cheap Pussy
Very rare. Usually comes in the form of a girlfriend of yours who will not go away no matter what you do. Cheap Pussy can be recognized by the following – she will often pa... Continue»
I was having a chat to someone recently about the way online flirtation works, and she confirmed my suspicions to me.
"We are the hunted, and you are the hunters,"
she said, and of course it's so true. And it's probably as it should be and as old a story as Cromagnon man.
Man see woman.
Man want woman.
Woman shriek and run away.
Woman catches stiletto in undergrowth.
And whatever happens in the bushes is the way of the world.
But it's even more true online than in the real world.
Every woman I talk to online and/or meet in real li... Continue»
Chigaru entered Asim’s room like the predator he was. He knew what he wanted and wasn’t leaving without it. Approaching the bed he looked down at Asim’s sl**ping form and smiled at the small snores he could hear. Asim was sl**ping so peacefully. As he turned for the door Asim rolled over and opened his eyes.
“Chigaru couldn’t speak as he looked down at Asim’s chest laid bare by the slipping sheet. He rolled over and sat up some making the sheet slip down even more showing Asim’s smooth mid-drift and as Chigaru looked he saw a trail of hair leading from Asim’s bellybutton down below the c... Continue»