Sex Humor Porn Stories
Page 108

three phases

A f****y is at the dinner table. The son asks his father, 'Dad, how many kinds of boobs are there?'

The father, surprised, answers, 'Well, son, there are three kinds of Boobs. In her 20's, a woman's are like melons, round and firm. In her 30's to 40's, they are like pears, still nice but hanging a bit. After 50, they are like onions'.

'Onions?'

'Yes, you see them and they make you cry.'

This infuriated his wife and daughter so the daughter said, 'Mum, how many kinds of 'willies' are there?'.

The mother, surprised, smiles and answers, 'Well dear, a man goes through three phases. ... Continue»
Posted by dashingboy 5 years ago  |  Categories: Sex Humor  |  
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Our Trinidad Birthday Lime

All day I'm nervous and can hardly concentrate, cause I am not sure what to expect later that night.....

I get dressed in a pair of jeans and a fitted brown colored top that gives a nice view of my breasts. I swoop my hair up (for the adult look) and put on some comfortable shoes and grab a matching bag. Before I leave the room I survey myself in the mirror..."damn, i do look good", I thought.

I walk out to the living room to meet my darling. I can see him looking at me and I can almost hear him thinking, "damn"!!! I walk up to him and he touches my left cheek and tilts my head upward,... Continue»
Posted by hd3636 5 years ago  |  Categories: Group Sex, Lesbian Sex, Sex Humor  |  
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Former NZ teacher struck off for Penthouse picture

A former Auckland teacher has been deregistered after posing nude in a pornographic magazine.

Rachel Whitwell was investigated by the New Zealand Teachers Council (NZTC) after a member of the public complained her actions had brought the profession into disrepute.

Ms Whitwell was featured in the New Zealand and Australian editions of Penthouse in "various states of undress, including totally naked".

One picture showed her d****d over an old fashioned school desk.

The magazine quoted Ms Whitwell as saying: "I am submissive in the bedroom because during the day I have to be in contro... Continue»
Posted by billstew 5 years ago  |  Categories: Celebrities, Sex Humor, Taboo  |  
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A Night After Work

Working at a golf course sometimes has its ups and downs. Today was an up kind of day. Getting called in at the last second threw off some plans I had with Sarah but I knew the wait would just make it more worth it. It was a fast day, time strolled by very quickly and before I knew it I was ready to go. "So when can you hang out?(:" the text message read. Sneaking into the shed so I could text her back, I responded "As soon as I get the last cart put away and clock out"

Finally, I was free, texting Sarah letting her know I was on my way. The drive seemed to take forever, but finally arrivin... Continue»
Posted by TheSilencer 5 years ago  |  Categories: Hardcore, Sex Humor, Taboo  |  
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My Sex Adventures

Hi I'm James and I'm 20. I'd like to tell you about all the sex I've had ever since. I lost my virginity when I was 16, so let me tell you who it was to. My uncle married my aunt when she had already had two c***dren from a previous relationship. Her oldest c***d had a baby when I was 3. Which meant she was 13. I had seen her come from this ugly shell to become a coming-of-age beauty, her breasts had fully developed and she was looking finer than ever. I remember the first time I had saw her like this, I busted one out in my upstairs bathroom. About two weeks later she and her mum came up to v... Continue»
Posted by Roberts1478 5 years ago  |  Categories: First Time, Masturbation, Sex Humor  |  
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MRS BROWN YOU HAVE A LOVELY DAUGHTER

It was Saturday morning and I woke up as usual, horny with a hard-on. I thought about jerking off as I showered but decided not to since I was going to go see my girlfriend soon. She was always ready to fuck and I could hold off till we were together. I arrived at her house and rang the doorbell. In a few moments her mother opened the door, I said "Hello Mrs. Brown, how are you this morning? She said "Hi Roger, I'm doing OK. How are you?" I said "I'm good, I'm here to see your lovely daughter Janet. Thought we would go out for lunch and maybe a movie." She invited me inside and closed the door... Continue»
Posted by querico44 5 years ago  |  Categories: Hardcore, Mature, Sex Humor  |  
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First with my teacher

Hello buddies it's a true story. Two main characters raj and geetha. raj is a student , studying in high school age 18. Geetha is a teacher in that high school super hot teacher age 28 , married .

Story begin here ,Raj is a good boy , but bad in studies .geetha is a friend of raj's mother.so raj is afraid in periods of geetha . she is a maths teacher , raj had many dreams about geetha . Because she is very beauty some 36-28-36 . a perfect figure . geetha as a soft corner for raj always . she used to boost up his marks .

one day raj went to geetha's house on Sunday to clear some... Continue»
Posted by rocky005 5 years ago  |  Categories: Sex Humor  |  
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Anne- the horny slut fucks with my dad

Everytime when my girlfriend anne was at my house she wanted to fuck. She was so horny all the time that i could not do anything else. THe way she suck my cock was so exciting. But with every blowjob my cock started to hurt more and more.




I coulndn't stop her anymore so I said: "Anne, go to my father. You can do it to his dick!" My dad was a horny man. He often fucked with many different sluts. He was such a man who said never no to any woman. So i Knew that Anne will be happy with him. "Wanna play with me?"

[... Continue»
Posted by jamescock 5 years ago  |  Categories: Group Sex, Hardcore, Sex Humor  |  
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Old Lady goes to heavan

An old lady dies and goes to heaven. She's chatting it up with St.
Peter at the Pearly Gates when all of a sudden she hears the most
awful bl**dcurdling screams.Don't worry about that', says St. Peter,
'it's only someonehaving the holes put into her shoulder blades for
wings.'
The old lady looks a little uncomfortable but carries on with the
conversation.Ten minutes later, there are more bl**d curdling
screams.'Oh my God', says the old lady, 'now what is happening?'
Not to worry', says St. Peter, 'She's just having her head drilled
to fit the halo.'I can't do this', says the old lady,... Continue»
Posted by iplywitskullz 5 years ago  |  Categories: Sex Humor  |  
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Smoking TV tart. Part 2.

The knock on the hotel door meant he'd arrived, and as I slipped on my cool plastic mac, being careful not to dislodge my long talons, it helped to conceal the stiffening bulge under my tight plastic skirt. I opened the door, to a tall dark stranger, enveloped in a long shiny, double-breasted rubber mac. He grabbed my arm, gently linking, and, without speaking, I tottered along carefully, in my new boots, past reception, and into his big black BMW. My heart was thumping, and the pulse throbbed even tighter down below. We set off, and he simply said, "Smoke. You fucking slut." It was hard, with... Continue»
Posted by HonorAnneDObey2 5 years ago  |  Categories: Fetish, Sex Humor  |  
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Babymoons: Holidays when pregnant

Babymoons: Holidays when pregnant

Holidaying when you’re expecting is now so popular there’s even a name for it. Practical Parenting has these must-read tips for going on a ‘babymoon'

Holidays for parents-to-be are a growing trend – so much so that resorts and hotels around the world are marketing special packages specifically aimed at ‘babymooners’.

If you’re healthy and well, holidaying with a bump is a great way to relax and enjoy a bit of alone time with your partner pre-bub. But before you pack your bags and book your flights, it pays to do some homework.

The best time

The ... Continue»
Posted by billstew 5 years ago  |  Categories: Sex Humor  |  
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what a FUCKING day !

we are a couple and are very much in love and love to fuck each other whenever and where ever we can!

it was a saturday morning and my sexy boyfriend woke me up by fingering my pussy until i was nice and wet, he then proceeded to suck on my nipples and kiss all down my body until he came down to my wet pussy. he licked my clit and sucked on my lips until i came.

after i had cum he flipped me over ontop of him and slammed my pussy down onto his rock hard dick. i moaned with enjoyment... i leaned my upper body down onto his chest and began to shake my ass up and down just on the head of ... Continue»
Posted by Hrnycouple 5 years ago  |  Categories: Anal, Masturbation, Sex Humor  |  
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sexy school girl

hey guys n girls if you like these feel free to come back every week for a new 1 :) if theres a typo im sorry,
she was stood there in the morning awaiting to go to school, she was wearing her uniform, her hair in a ponytail, gorgeous face, her shirt so small and tight, cleavage hanging out from the top, she wears the shortest skirts, and stockings, she leans over the kitchen table to reach her school bag, the glow of her amazing ass so round and plump, she was wearing tight white nickers and they made her ass look so smooth it was perfect.
She left the house, she a... Continue»
Posted by tellmekarl 5 years ago  |  Categories: Fetish, Hardcore, Sex Humor  |  
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slaveyer

i was in my cage , sl**ping, when my master came in and said“ get up little one” then he unlocked my cage. i crawled on my hands and knees to his side the sat on my knees ,head down.he bent down and pated my head.“good slave” then he hooked a leash on the colar that was way to tight around my neck.and that colar was all i was wereing.“how may i serve you my great master?” i asked.“bitch you know how to serve me!” he said suddenly angrey.“now for your stupidity you will be punished!”he screamed.i wimpered.he pulled my by my leash to the torture room.“get on the table slut!”n... Continue»
Posted by sex-is-my-obsesion 5 years ago  |  Categories: Hardcore, Sex Humor, Taboo  |  
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Yo! I banged your friends mum...

As a barely 21 year old, my chances of getting into an "Over 28's only" night at a club were pretty slim...
I invited a few of my "older" female friends down to distract the bouncers from checking my ID. It worked. I walked into the club, observing all of the cougars with their loose skin flapping about on the dancefloor. **Note: Not all of them were in bad shape. These were just the first onces I noticed.
After observing this, I decided to dedicate myself to a night of heavy drinking.

I put down as much scotch as I could, as quicky as I could. And then my dancing legs kicked in. Drink in... Continue»
Posted by sirpsychosexy2011 5 years ago  |  Categories: Sex Humor  |  
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moral of the day

My girlfriend invited me to her house, I found her s****r alone in the house, she was unbelievably sexy, she whispered in my ear, "i have feelings for you, shall we have sex" , I immediately turned around and walked to the front door to go to my car, I found my girlfriend standing there, she hugged me and said: "you've won my trust"... Moral of the story: always keep your condoms in the car... Continue»
Posted by jadoushka 5 years ago  |  Categories: Sex Humor  |  
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joke of the day!

So this guy goes up to a girl and tries to charm her by saying "hey i was gonna tell you a joke about my dick but it's too long".The girl replies,"thats funny".I was gonna tell you a joke about my pussy...but you'll never get it".... Continue»
Posted by jadoushka 5 years ago  |  Categories: Sex Humor  |  
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Better than Birthday Sex

It was Christmas day. My, at the time, girlfriend and I were visiting my side of the f****y. It was your average Christmas party, except for the fact that this side of my f****y is Irish and loves to drink. I'm not much of a drinker and prefer to live generally sober. So me and my girlfriend were hanging around waiting for all the festivities to be over so we could go about our lives.
We had been going out for nearly two years at this point and were fairly used to our relationship. Meaning that sex and pretty everything about each other was common place and while it all was enjoyable and fun... Continue»
Posted by derpstop 5 years ago  |  Categories: Sex Humor  |  
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Women 'as likely as men to enjoy casual sex&#

It's not just men who are looking for 'friends with benefits'.

A Deakin University researcher has said that women are as likely as men to enjoy casual sexual arrangements, but for different reasons.

Kylie McCardle, who has been looking for 400 'friends with benefits' to take part in a survey, said the women who took part in an initial study said these arrangements gave them sexual confidence.

"The men were more likely to say they enjoyed the intimacy of the friendship," the Age quoted McCardle as saying.

The initial study was based on in-depth interviews with 15 couples, or 30 'fri... Continue»
Posted by jpjai007 5 years ago  |  Categories: Sex Humor  |  
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How To Behave After Sex

Step 1: Advice for him

You may feel that you have expressed yourself quite enough, perhaps you have expressed yourself a number of times, and feel spent. But it's essential you stay awake for long enough to make her feel loved. You may have to fight the urge to sl**p, but remember now it's time for her to unload all over you.

Speed up the process by making encouraging noises and agreeing to everything she says. The Past Master of this was Marlon Brando, who put his incredible success with women down to the pose of propping himself up on his elbow, which made him look interested in whatev... Continue»
Posted by jpjai007 5 years ago  |  Categories: Sex Humor  |  
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