Sex Humor Porn Stories Page 106
I have this story to share, never actually told it to anyone before but it’s kind of fun so enjoy.
I live outside of town a couple of miles and therefore the parties always ended up at my place. Far enough from town that we can have a big fire and make some noise and no one cares but close enough to still get a taxi home or whatever. So, this was a typical small party. About 25 people gathered around the fire pit which was in my back yard. The house was always open so people could use the fridge or washroom etc. It was about midnight or so when I accidentally spilled a drink onto my pant leg... Continue»
THE TWELVE DAYS OF CHRISTMAS
I went to the door today and the postman delivered
a partridge in a pear tree. What a thoroughly delightful gift.
I couldn't have been more surprised.
With deepest love and affection,
Today the postman brought your very sweet gift.
Justimagine...two turtle doves!!
I'm delighted at your very thoughtful gift.
They are just too adorable.
My everlasting love,
My Dear Bob,
Oh! Aren't you the extravagant one!
Now I actually must protest.
I don't deserve ... Continue»
4 Laughing eyes
4 Well-shaped legs
4 Loving arms
2 Firm milk containers
1 soft, warm mixing bowl
1 Firm banana
1. Look into laughing eyes.
2. Spread well-shaped legs with loving arms.
3. Squeeze and massage milk containers very gently.
4. Gently add firm banana to mixing bowl, working in and out until well creamed. For best results. Continue to knead milk containers.
5. As heat rises, plunge banana deep into mixing bowl and cover with nuts, leave to soak (preferably NOT overnight).
6. The cake is done when banana is... Continue»
A boy takes his girlfriend home after going out together. When they reach the front door, he leans against the wall with one hand and says,
"Sweetie, can you give me a blowjob?"
"What? Are you crazy!?"
He says "Don't worry, it will be quick, no problem."
"No!! Someone may see -- a relative, a neighbor, anyone..."
"At this time of the night? No one will show up honey..."
She insistantly says "I've already said NO. Someone will see us."
At this point he pleas one last time, "My love... Please don't be like that..."
At that moment, the girlfriend's younger s****r shows up at ... Continue»
There were three daughters and they all wanted to get married but they couldn't afford it and neither could there parents. So the parents said "We will give you all a joint wedding and then you will all be able to get married".
So they got married and all three daughters then said "I want a honeymoon but we cant afford it". The parents couldn't afford it either so they deiced they would have the honeymoon at their parents house.
So on there honeymoon night their mother woke up and deiced to go downstairs and get a drink. On the way down she heard the first daughter screaming but she jut... Continue»
A guy is hanging out in his favorite bar when he spots a fabulous babe walking in on the arm of some ugly guy. He asks the bartender about her and is surprised to discover that she's a prostitute. He watches her the rest of the night, amazed that someone so attractive could be available to him.
The next night he goes back to the bar, and sure enough she shows up again, only this time alone. The guy gets up his nerve and approaches her. "Is it true you're a prostitute?"
"Why, sure, big boy. What can I do for you?"
"Well, I dunno. What do you charge?"
"I get $100 just for a han... Continue»
On the first day of Christmas, my true slut gave to me
A virgin so very horny
On the second day, she gave me two pecker rubs
And a virgin so very horny
Now on the third day of Christmas, that ol' bitch, she brought home three French whores
Two pecker rubs
And a virgin so very horny
Now on the fourth day of Christmas, four calling girls
Three French whores
Two pecker rubs
And a virgin so very horny
On the fifth day of Christmas she brought me home somethin' special
She brought me home somethin' special
Five herpie seeds
Four calling girls
Three French whores
Two peck... Continue»
A few months after his parents were divorced, little Johnny passed by his mom's bedroom and saw her rubbing her body and moaning, "I need a man, I need a man!"
Over the next couple of months, he saw her doing this several times. One day, he came home from school and heard her moaning. When he peeked into her bedroom, he saw a man on top of her. Little Johnny ran into his room, took off his clothes, threw himself on his bed, started stroking himself, and moaning:
"Ohh, I need a bike! Ahh, I need a bike!"
An Italian man enters his favorite ritzy restaurant and while sitting at his regular table, he notices a gorgeous woman sitting at a nearby table. ...Alone. He calls the waiter over and asks for the most expensive bottle of Merlot to be sent over to her, knowing that if she accepts it, she will be his. The waiter gets the bottle and quickly takes it to her saying who it came from. She looks at the bottle and decides to send a note over to the man. The note said "For me to accept this bottle, you must have a Mercedes in your garage, a million dollars in the bank , and 7 inches in your pants.." ... Continue»
My name is justin and this is my story. Well for starters I am a 5'7 male very strong build ( I play football) and I am apparently socially accepted.
It all happened on one random lonely warm night. Nothing out of place or in favor to clue a hint to this leading up to what would possibly be the most extreme not of my young life. I am a computer junky and its all I know (besides football). I live in an apartment building above my Aunt and her f****y of 5. Her second older daughter being the same age as me. Our entire lives we competed to see who was the best. We were always the same height.... Continue»
Well, the wife is out again. Here I sit at the computer, checking out new videos on the Hamster with my cock in my hand. Meanwhile, the wife is out getting her holes filled with another guy's rod. She left here about 8:30, after getting all dolled up. Sometimes she will wear a slinky dress, garters, stockings and high heels, just like a porn star! I know when she shows up at her friend's house and he sees her, he must pop a raging hard-on the minute he opens the door. She loves going out and showing other guys her awesome blow-job skills. Patiently I wait for her to return, usually afte... Continue»
A mother had 3 daughters. They were all getting married within a short time period. Because mom was a bit worried about how their sex lives would get started, she made them all promise to send a postcard from the honeymoon with a few words on how marital sex felt.
The first girl sent a card from Hawaii two days after the wedding. The card said nothing but "Nescafe." Mom was puzzled at first, but then went to the kitchen and got out the Nescafe jar. It said: "Good till the last drop." Mom blushed, but was pleased for her daughter.
The second girl sent the card from Vermont a week after th... Continue»
I had just broke up with my ex and met a girl in a town 30 mins away and my buddy was interested in her friend so it was good for both of us to drive there, we got there and the girls looked great and being kinda hick my buddy and i looks well hick, we went to a movie and then got a bit to eat (it was summer and nice out) we then desided that we could both push i luck if we go outta town were there was a park so we went there and me and the girl i hard my eye on went to the play ground and my buddy and his girl were walking around me and the girl started making out and bein inosent she was a l... Continue»
Steve is shopping for a new motorcycle. He finally finds one for a great price, but it's missing a seal, so whenever it rains he has to smear vaseline over the spot where the seal should be.
Anyway, his girlfriend is having him over for dinner to meet her parents. He drives his new bike to her house, where she is outside waiting for him. "No matter what happens at dinner tonight, don't say a word." She tells him, "Our f****y had a fight a while ago about doing dishes. We haven't done any since, but the first person to speak at dinner has to do them."
Steve sits down for dinner and It is ... Continue»
I took my fingers and slowly, gently stretched it apart.
It was so pure and white.
I licked it once, twice... I found I couldn't stop. I
licked it faster and faster, and harder. I began to
sc**** my teeth against it.
There it was, in my mouth! All sweet and creamy. I was done.
I threw away the outsides of my Oreo Cookie
alright yall this is my 1st story dont hate but it fuckin sucked i tell you what.
my 9th grade year i was dating a cheer leader she was in her 12th year and i played Varsidy football 3A aka small town blah blah blah we fuck she loves me
now the story starting out the day i wake up and send her it was a snow and i wanted to see, we hung ou for most of the day we shot guns and did some other bull shit, but i had my DL and a truck ext cab ford ranger, i thought i was a bad ass but it had started to get dark so i parked to try to get my dicky shicky on a back ass gravel road, she wasnt much... Continue»
Old man sitting on his front porch in Louisiana watching the sunrise
sees the neighbor's k** walk by carrying something big under his arm.
He yells out, "Hey boy, whatcha got there?"
The boy yells back, "Roll of chicken wire."
The old man says, "What you gonna do with that?"
The boy says, "Catch some chickens."
The old man yells, "You damn fool, you can't catch chickens with
The boy just laughs and keeps walking.
That evening at sunset the boy comes walking by and to the old man's
surprise, he is dragging behind him the chicken wire with about 30
Little Lucy went out into the garden and saw her cat Tiddles lying on the ground with its eyes shut and its legs in the air. She fetched her Dad to look at Tiddles, and on seeing the cat he said, as gently as he could, "I'm afraid Tiddles is dead, Lucy."
"So why are his legs sticking up in the air like that, Daddy?" asked Lucy as she fought back the tears.
At a loss for something to say the father replied, Tiddles' legs are pointing straight up in the air so that it will be easier for Jesus to float down from heaven above and grab a leg and lift Tiddles up to heaven."
Little Lucy seem... Continue»
Bad: You find a porn movie in your son's room.
Worse: You're in it.
Bad: Your c***dren are sexually active.
Worse: With each other.
Good: The teacher likes your son.
Good: You go to see a strip show.
Bad: Your daughter's the headliner.
Good: Your boyfriend's exercising.
Bad: So he'll fit in your clothes.
Good: Your daughter's on the Pill.
Bad: She's eleven.
Good: Your wife meets you at the door nude.
Bad: She's coming home.
An American couple on vacation with some friends in Mexico were
shopping at the market to bring back a few souvenirs to their f****y
and friends. Time passed, and the couple realized that neither of them
was wearing a watch. They noticed this little Mexican man taking a
siesta next to this mule, which had the largest set of mule nuts they
had ever seen.
Trying not to stare at the huge mule nuts, they asked the little
Mexican man, "Excuse us, but could you tell us what time it is?"
The little Mexican man reached his hand under the enormous set of mule
nuts and, li... Continue»