Sex Humor Porn Stories Page 105
One day a young man and woman were in their bedroom making love.
All of a sudden a bumble bee entered the bedroom window. As the young lady
parted her legs the bee entered her vagina. The woman started screaming
"Oh my God, help me, there's a bee in my vagina!"
The husband immediately took her to the local doctor and explained the situation.
The doctor thought for a moment and said "Hmm, tricky situation. But I
have a solution to the problem if young sir would permit."
The husband being very concerned agreed that the doctor could use whatever
method to get the bee out ... Continue»
A mother had three daughters and, on their wedding, she tells each
one to write back about their married life.
To avoid possible embarrassment to their new husbands by openly
discussing their love lives, the mother and daughters agree to
using newspaper advertisements as a "code" to let the mother know how
their love lives are going.
The first one gets married and the second day the letter arrives
with a single message, simply: "MAXWELL COFFEE HOUSE".
Mother got the newspaper and checked the Maxwell Coffee House
advertisement, and it says:"Satisfaction to the last drop..... Continue»
True story, though doesn't every one start that way...
When I was twenty I worked at a resort in the hills of Northern California. I was cooking for a seasonal resort hotel-restaurant. The place was, or still is, in a part of the redwood forest on a secluded stretch of Highway 101, a short walk from the dramatic cliffs and winding trails down to lagoons of the California coast.
The job was lousy, but the pay was incredible and the scenery was unbeatable. The main advantage of the place was that it was a beautiful resort, and it was large and secluded enough that it had housing and apart... Continue»
Shaggy felt cold slobber on his face, waking him immediately. "Oh man, Scooby..." he groaned. Scooby-Doo, his Great Dane, began giggling and licked his face again. Shaggy responded by a scratch between his brown ears. "Norville!!" a female voice called from upstairs. "Come and get breakfast!"
"Mom, like, stop calling me that!"
"As long as you're still living in my basement, I'll call you whatever I like, now get your breakfast!"
Shaggy looked at Scooby and said, "Like, well, let's get something to eat." Food was his primary motivation in doing anything.
Shaggy ran up the stairs, cl... Continue»
I'm not gay, but my new flatmate is. His name is Mike (not his real name. His real name is Jayson.) I'm straight, and I've never really had much contact with gay guys. He seemed alright though, and a couple of nights after he moved in, we had a few drinks and a chat and got to know each other. He's really cool, and we have heaps in common. We've both just broken up with people, we both think relationships suck right now, and we both like white wine and Futurama. I think I'm gonna enjoy having a gay friend.
With no sex I keep waking up horny. A week ago I was in the shower, and I got out... Continue»
After my divorce from my 2ND wife; I had to stay with my parents; while the former owners of my new house moved out. I slept in their spare bedroom. I always sl**p in the nude; I don't own a pair of pj's; since I always go commando; I don't own any underwear either. One Saturday morning I slept late; since I didn't have to work. It had been a hot night , and I had kicked off all the covers. I was sl**ping on my back dreaming about my new girlfriend. and had an erection. My Mother came to wake me for a late breakfast and opened the door without knocking. I didn't awaken immediately; so she step... Continue»
I cannot help it I love your dick,
Upon its head I like to lick.
I love the hardness of your shaft,
It’s no game but a well skilled craft.
I love to linger around its head,
And make you cum all over the bed.
And oh we can’t forget the balls,
Cause their my favorite part of all.
I’ll finish the task by jacking you off,
And swallow real well so you don’t make me cough.
I LOVE THE COCK!
I love to eat your creamy pie,
About this fact I could not lie.
To take my time and eat you well,
To taste your love and feel you swell.
It is the greatest thought of all,
When flaccidly resting his mock impotence is taken for granted, lack of excitement showing in his diminished size. Where does his mass disappear to? He looks peaceful lying there silent, patient, waiting for a feeling that he is needed or some sign of interest from a female. Until then he will lie restfully limp.
Then suddenly, as if to show that he is alive, he wakes. Rising tall and straight out of the surroundings. No slow waking, no delay. He springs to life. Nothing to everything in an instant. His size increases to double its proportion immediately.
His head, slightly larger than th... Continue»
He stands, staring down into the clear pool seeing reflections of others. Others that he has known and some he only wished he had known. His thoughts are not the clear thoughts of a man in true consideration of events gone by, but a cyclone of pictures like the vision one is said to have before dying. He is not dying, he is very much alive and in complete control. His heart beats at a rhythm he is himself imposing. As the rhythm increases so does the cyclone of thought. What is seen doesn’t matter anymore as long as the rhythm is kept. His eyes are now clenched shut; grinding teeth, clear pear... Continue»
“Okay, it's pizza time!” Rachel excitedly called out to the group. The other four girls all squealed with delight. Everyone knew what it meant to order pizza. It meant it was time for the pizza game.
The game was really simple but extremely fun and exciting. First, the girls would decide on a game game to play; usually spin the bottle or poker or something easy like that. They didn't play for money, but for the clothes they wore. The first girl nude was the loser and had to order and pay for the piz... Continue»
Continued on from my story.
so christmas has come and gone.
It was a rather hectic one. 24-27th of christmas at my parents house and the 27th-30th was at my darling bappys. so many good memories. so much to catch up on eh.
over the christmas period i'd come to realize all relationships were based around sex even if they say it doesn't. women use it for their own advantage, men use it as a release of pressure and its been proven in my relationship recently. christmas came with a strawberry flavour and some dirty talk driving the parents to leaving the house as soon as they heard the b... Continue»
1. Expensive Penis:
Not many penis fall into this definition. Expensive penis can be recognized by the following - suit and tie, nice vehicle, expensive watches, and well groomed.
Advantages: when you close your purse and make him pay for your dates he’ll disappear.
Disadvantages: his mother will fall to her knees and beg you to take him away.
2.Cheap Penis: Is not rare at all, they live with their parents and take the bus. Because they don’t have a job to buy a car.
Advantage: once his many sources of borrowed money runs out he’ll go away.
1. Expensive Pussy
Most pussy falls into this definition. Expensive Pussy can be recognized by the following – fur coats, $500 dresses, spandex, bright colored shorts, and shirts with greek letters on them. 98% of good pussy falls into this category.
Advantages: If you can afford it, it will be great.
Disadvantages: Many, mostly in the form of checking account depletion. Often not worth it.
2. Cheap Pussy
Very rare. Usually comes in the form of a girlfriend of yours who will not go away no matter what you do. Cheap Pussy can be recognized by the following – she will often pa... Continue»
I was having a chat to someone recently about the way online flirtation works, and she confirmed my suspicions to me.
"We are the hunted, and you are the hunters,"
she said, and of course it's so true. And it's probably as it should be and as old a story as Cromagnon man.
Man see woman.
Man want woman.
Woman shriek and run away.
Woman catches stiletto in undergrowth.
And whatever happens in the bushes is the way of the world.
But it's even more true online than in the real world.
Every woman I talk to online and/or meet in real li... Continue»
Chigaru entered Asim’s room like the predator he was. He knew what he wanted and wasn’t leaving without it. Approaching the bed he looked down at Asim’s sl**ping form and smiled at the small snores he could hear. Asim was sl**ping so peacefully. As he turned for the door Asim rolled over and opened his eyes.
“Chigaru couldn’t speak as he looked down at Asim’s chest laid bare by the slipping sheet. He rolled over and sat up some making the sheet slip down even more showing Asim’s smooth mid-drift and as Chigaru looked he saw a trail of hair leading from Asim’s bellybutton down below the c... Continue»
It was first time of ever fingerin a gal usually I dreamt about it and masturbated to it... Anyway let me not bore u... I was in class getting some assignments done den she came to class men were those boobs huge aniway we were talking nd den I bought up d topic of sex asking her if she has done it before I den ask do it wit me she said ok. She den sat on my laps nd startd grinding me god was dat good I den dragged ha skirt down nd started fingering ha she nw started talkin dirty tellin me 2 swirl ha cunt it den got me horny nd made me grow bigger she den took me in her mouth suckin me til I c... Continue»
A while back, when I wasn't dating anyone at all. I got really hungry for some cum in my mouth like I usually do. I figured how hard can this be, right? I'm a cute young girl, I see guys undressing me with their eyes every day of the week. So I end up at this bar really close to where I live intending to order a bottle of something so I can suck it at cute guys from across the room if I had to (always worked for me before, right?). So, I get there and there is like nobody there except grizzly types and old fat dudes. Then a confident looking chubby guy caught my eye as the best candidate out o... Continue»
I was gonna have his babies, I knew this from day one. He made me so happy that I almost couldn't stand it. He was always so kind and so caring towards everyone and was always willing to give someone help. That's why I loved him..
It was October and He told me that he would be gone all month and be back In November. I helped him pack his bags, the usual camo uniform, boots, socks, tooth brush, tooth paste, all the goodies. I feared this day for a while. I guess I always knew it was coming, I told him before he found out he was gonna deploy that you never know, he might get called in early ... Continue»
Car Wars.. Chevy Corvette Vrs Toyota Prius.
I wrote once that God Drives a Chevy Corvette, Toyota Prius was made by the Devil. Only one person ever said anything about that. She wrote to me and said " But Prius cars are great for giving abortions in!"
It hurt... It was like a knife was thrust into my V8 heart. So I wrote this.
I'm not sure if I could describe in detail the power felt when shifting that Corvette from Second gear to third, at 4500 RPMs... You can feel the mechanics like the bolt action on a powerful rife, slowly but firmly pushing the projectile into the tight virgin barrel.... Continue»
IT WAS NOT THAT LONG AGO,
That i got around to setting this thing up, in the first place, After meeting two very nice polite large Women here i wantedto add my personal touch to things and as most people know me as SIR or MASTER would expect me to revert to type and would DOMINATE THEM yes no you descide how this pans out. so what to do diffrently yes i like these two women and from our chats they seem to like me, but its not enough (Typical MALE) i want something more something Special, something unique for WiCKED ME TO ENJOY. what shall it be, how about seeing them, hop on a plain from the ... Continue»