Sex Humor Porn Stories Page 103
This is the mostly true story of how I lost my finger at work in a tragic yet humorous accident. It is up to you the reader to decide which parts are true, which parts are humorous and which parts I'm just blowing smoke up your ass.
It was a Monday like any other Monday, but this Monday was special. It was Sewards day. Just to refresh your memories, Sewards day is celebrated (in Alaska anyway) for the purchase of Alaska from those Godless commies bastards, the Russians. Trust me when I say they are kicking themselves for letting it go so cheap. In Alaska it is widely celebrated mos... Continue»
Take a moment to think about what you and your guy usually do after sex. Chances are, it’s sl**p, eat, or flip on the TV. Not exactly romantic, especially considering that the few hours afterward are one of the best times to bond. “When you orgasm, hormones are released that make you feel more connected,” says clinical sexologist Rachael Ross, MD, PhD. “Take advantage of that by doing things to prolong the feeling.” But that doesn’t mean intense conversations or eye gazing—little gestures can reap big benefits. Try these tips tonight.
1. If you’re hungry, forgo ordering a pizza and instead... Continue»
Well Came home from work early the other day and caught my bitch cheating for the second time.. And this time with her Uncle.. No shit well he was married to her aunt at one time no bl**d there but still nasty as fuck if you ask me.. But thru it all I kept a level head cause we have a 1yr girl together...and Was not about to ruin me being in her life because her mother is a stupid whore.. My first thought was to snap and kill them to be honest.. But That would serve no purpose.. I instead did the right thing and was very polite and killed them with kindness.. They did me a favoe if tyou ask me... Continue»
One time i was staying out of town at my cousins place We decided on big night out on the tiles as we hadnt seen each other for a while.
Me my cousin and a few of his footballer mates, hit the clubs
we was all bang up for a good time ,
we were dressed to kill and on the hunt for girls.
A few hours into the night the drink was flowing and we eneded up in a really steamy dance club in west end ,
i was at the bar buying some more drinks with my cousin while we were laughing and exchanging stories of what would like to do to a particular girl in the club
We have always been competi... Continue»
Lying in bed she said: shall we watch a porno? What, really? I asked, not sure if it was some sort of trap, wary from her Columbo routine by now.
But she was really, not really sure, but really all the same. Ok, but I’m not sure if I know any websites. She laughed – such an absurd lie could not be taken too seriously.
Up popped the main page. It’s a bit much she complained. These are just the categories, I said, we haven’t even got to the proper bit yet!
I scrolled down the categories. Ok, so we’ve got interracial, mature, storyline, female friendly – what’s that? she asked. That’s wher... Continue»
We all sat around as Kimberly carved away on the tree. We were all in our early teens, a group of girls lost in a hormonal wilderness, neither here nor there, just fantasying about sex, or our concepts and ideas about what sex was all about, and about cocks, we always talked about cocks, and we giggled, and vacillated from thin to thick, long to short, but always having our own personal craving.
Someone screamed, 'OMG Kim', and there was another scream and laughter. I went across to see what all the commotion was about, and what confronted me brought a smile to my face.
Kim, shortened from K... Continue»
I already shared with u guys my expirience with my science..mam and this s with my social mam.. I liked her..very much...
She s in her 40s .married but din have a c***d :( :)... but truth s that she s dam sexy...i always daydream at her..and result is fail in my exams.. So i get a chance to attend her remedials..around 10 students accompany me in her..class.. Oh i forget to say her character ,she s very strict ..she use to debate for all the topic.. So i know if i could get her in a sexy argument then i can win her.. .. I was waitin for a rite day..i said all my friends that lets bunk the re... Continue»
I was in gym class as a freshman in highschool, and we had the ever present awkward class where the boys and girls separate to learn about our sexuallity. (although as like right now it seems everyone had already explored theirs but me) and the learning set today was on safe sex. we learned about all different kinds of birth control from condoms to pills to "pulling-out" to diaphrams. all of it was very awkwards and so-far useless to me in my sexless life. so the assignment when we got home that day was to try on condoms they passed out to the class. surprisingly enough, the school didn't skim... Continue»
my uncle and his girlfriend went away on holiday for 5 days my uncles girlfriend was big woman huge tits i had the hots her 2 days had past i didnt really have my auntie in mind until i decided to go for a piss about 3 in the morning when i saw a pair of her worn black lace knickers on the floor i couldnt resist it i tried to get it out of my mind but my auntys pussy was stuck in my mind so i picked them up and started to smell them it was lush never thought i would even come remotely close to my uncles girlfriend crotch but i was so good i cum within seconds i did this several times through t... Continue»
With Jenny in c*** from too many orgasms, Pete tied up tough Tanya on his wooden low table and trashed her properly as well. During coming she only beeped:
"Beep, Pete Peterson, peep, ... I pee ... beep ...".
Seeing her peeing Pete doubled his efforts. She shouted so loud that ol´ Pete collapsed ... but Jenny woke up!
Jenny untied Tanya. Kicked Pete awake. Told the old man: "More!"
And she presented him his arms. Poor Pete was left without defense.
He accepted his paddle and the Polish whip, called "cat-o-nine tails" in English - in Polish "na ostry seks" and came back to duty ... B... Continue»
My wife and I have been divorced for a few months and we divide our c***ds custody every other week. This weekend my ex was going out with some of her girlfriends to a local bar that was only a few blocks from my apartment. It was the middle of the night when I was woken up by a loud pounding on the door. Checking through the peep hole I could see my ex dressed like the slut I knew her to be weaving back and forth d***k off her ass. I opened the door quickly before she could pound on the door again and possibly wake our son who was sl**ping in his room. I opened the door and she staggered... Continue»
ok, this is the hotty half of fall guys couple, so this story is from my point of view. its just a fantasy so far.
darkness. the soft caress of silk on bare skin. the subtle sent of bergamont in the air. i lay tied to the bed, soft silk scarves pinning my arms and legs wide apart. another scarf covers my eyes, darkening the room to nothing even though i know candles burn. an intricately tied series of more silk scarves harness my body, tightly holding me like a lover. the knots are placed just so, and just tight enough that they tease and torment my erogenous zones, but offer no relief.... Continue»
Anathema returned to her class satisfied that she had got her own way yet again .
Anna was used to getting her own way. She dominated her older s****r Meg and her younger s****r
Janet, She even dominated her Mother Meg or so she imagined.
The telephone rang at Meg Browns house . Meg answered almost immediately .
It was Martin the Principal at Hope High School .
Martin White was the nephew of the bank manager who had owned the Mansion on the hill and had been the deputy Principal when Meg was at school.
No one knew except for ... Continue»
My name is Tiger. I'm a ten year old male cat. Erin is my 18 year old human pet. You can see our pictures above. I'm the good-looking one. If you want a bigger picture of me to print out and frame, then here is the link xhamster.com/photos/view/339950-5156795.html
When i was a kitten, my mom ran off with some tomcat and left me to fend for myself. One day i was walking home to my alley when i came across Erin. She was selling lemonade on the sidewalk. Erin won ... Continue»
Let Her Eat Cake
The association of food with sex is ancient and wondrous. At its simplest is such as the time honored route to the male heart through the stomach. But what young man could realize that it might work with a woman?!
Once upon a time he and a delicious colleague were engaged in that exquisitely awkward dance to enchantment when the ankle sprained, the boat ran seriously aground due to unfortunate inadvertence. Whatever caused the sublimation of fire to ice is unrecalled if recognized then. That it occurred was as clear as painful.
Nothing sufficed to thaw, no entreaty to c... Continue»
I am so hot and horney I need to take a walk and find some young slut with a big hairy dick to call my own. Born without a dick or a pussy I only have a tight ass and a willing mouth and I want something hard up my ass...something to explode inside of me and I don’t care if it is big or small as long as it is willing....
So I parade up and down the street faceless and with a hairy open ass to accept what ever comes along. and there is a man under the bridge with one of those of funny signs that say...I’ll fuck for food,,,,and he is so cute and he turns out to be a she and she has a willing mo... Continue»
Amsterdam was first in the world with many things. Good and bad.
The first financial bubble: speculation in the tulip market. Tulips aren´t even Dutch, they originate from Turkey. The first banks as well. Happy to finance, speculate and invest in American independance. As the Brits were our favourite enemies.
But also the first "Flower Institute" for transforming classy virgins into full blown women. But that´s a long story. Patient readers: welcome to next paragraphs.
We did the "Golden Revolution" for the Brits, but had to swallow swapping New York for Surinam after we lost the seco... Continue»
He craves to taste
The juices between my thighs
He caresses me with his long tongue
The abundance of my wetness greets him
I gyrate against his hungry lips
His tongue slides along my slit, opening me
The petals of my flower welcomes him
My flower opens as I thrust agains his tongue
My desire is heightened
I crave his oral caress
His exploring tongue, pushes up my hood
Working my phat clit, the pearl of desire
Moans escapes my lips
As he swirls his glorious tongue around my pearl
His rod hardens in response
He is relentless in his oral magic
He explores my deep secrets
With hi... Continue»
They met for the first time by the pool in the moonlight
He Walked up to her to ask her, her name
She looked deep into his eyes her Radiant Beauty ignited the Flame within him to soar like a Wild Fire. She said her name was Claire She was on Vacation from her job in Vermont and always wanted to see California.
Howdy Claire my Name is Stan I usually go to the Mountains this time of year
But decided to just visit the Beaches here.
Near By there was a shack playing some oldies as the stars danced above
Stan asked Claire if he could buy her a drink.
She was pleased to see someone with such ... Continue»
A Good Son
My Personal Trainer had set me a good routine to help me get up to nearly top condition before the season started and I was going to hit this speed in time for the trial's, I was not worried about my position on the team but I knew we had some who were waiting in the wing's, Let them eat cake.
My part time job in the off season had helped because of the heavy lifting but I needed to work on my leg's and endurance as well.
I had added, after consulting with my P.T., a five mile run to our routine as it was a good way to get home and save money.
Why is it that we now need a ... Continue»