Sex Humor Porn Stories
Page 102

Joke-Untitled

A man breaks into a house to look for money and guns.
Inside, he finds couple in bed.
He orders the guy out of the bed and ties him to a chair.
While tying the home owner's wife to the bed
The convict gets on top of her, kisses her neck,
Then gets up & goes into the bathroom.


While he's in there, the husband whispers over to his wife:
'Listen, this guy is an escaped convict. Look at his clothes!
He's probably spent a lot of time in jail
And hasn't seen a woman in years.
I saw how he kissed your neck. If he wants sex,
Don't resist, don't complain...do what ever he tells you.
Sat... Continue»
Posted by papa61 4 years ago  |  Categories: Sex Humor  |  Views: 1139  |  
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celebrating our one year together

True Story
Bappy's parents went out for a few hours and we were feeling naughty.
I got up and kissed bappy really passionately and he pushed me against the wall holding my arms above my head.
I struggled free and opened the door with my elbow not taking my lips off bappy. on our way through I grabbed a towel from the bannister and threw it on the bed. He picked me up and pushed me onto the bed kissing his way down my body.

Ramming his tongue in my pussy we both groaned as he tasted me and teased my little pussy. as I leaned up he pulled off my top and trousers properly and left me in ... Continue»
Posted by maaao 4 years ago  |  Categories: Sex Humor  |  Views: 439  |  
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Death Ode to an Electronic Device

Poor little iPod. Faithful servant; you finally died.
No tunes to jam by or any music for the ride.
Sixty gigs of memory, you had a lot of stuff.
You traveled the world with me to places generally rough.

You kept me company in ole' Douchebagistan,
as I charged you with solar cells and cooled you down with fans.
Or hooked you up to the laptop in Iraq,
or the time I left you during that fucking mortar attack.

I've had you in shitholes where things weren't so nice.
Or when we partied in Dubai with women, drinks and ice.
We froze together out on the Khyber Pass,
as you kept entert... Continue»
Posted by Sinatra877 4 years ago  |  Categories: Sex Humor  |  Views: 109  |  
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New Life Part 2

Part 2

Linda felt as if she were weightless as her super strongman, pulled her into the shower and lifted her up and up until she was level with his attractive and fully featured face.
"I love you," she gasped, as he said nothing in return and took her bottom lip into her mouth. As he began to suck and indulge himself in her full shapely lips, she found herself wrapping her legs around him tightly and to the point to where he let out a slight grunt. Her legs were strong from years of gymnastics, but the pressure around his waist was welcomed only caused his massive meat to gain even more ... Continue»
Posted by JerseyBean 4 years ago  |  Categories: Masturbation, Sex Humor, Voyeur  |  Views: 349  |  
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New Life Part 3

Part 3
"are you just about ready dear?" Linda inquired as she put the last of her face on.
"I am, sweet heart, we'd better get going or we're going to be late," Braxton retorted as he cinched his tie into place and gave it the usual wiggle to make sure we wasn't going to choke. "Alright sweetie, going to get the car, I'll be waiting for you out front." yes sir, she smirked as he fled out of the door.
She then grabbed her hand bag and made her way out of the front door, where her car and super handsome driver awaited. However just as she was about to open the door, Braxton in a flash had ... Continue»
Posted by JerseyBean 4 years ago  |  Categories: Mature, Sex Humor, Voyeur  |  Views: 237  |  
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New Life Part 1(QT Fantasy No2)



Hello... my name is Linda, we have been living in the neighborhood now for about 6 months now. Although we are fairly new to the area still, we quickly made friends with the Johnson's that live across the way. We quickly learned we have a lot in common with them and have enjoyed their company and friendship. Although our relationship with them has been quiet adventurous from the beginning, it has reached a whole new level and our lives have never been the same.
My husband Braxton and I moved here because of a promotion he received from his work. Although we are a fairly young couple, his... Continue»
Posted by JerseyBean 4 years ago  |  Categories: Mature, Sex Humor, Voyeur  |  Views: 499  |  
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a knock at the door



Jeremy, having had another lonely dinner, sat down to watch the evening news on the television. Just as the weather report had started, his attention was interrupted by a barrage of very light tapping on his front door.
Wondering who could be visiting him at this late hour, he stood up and moved towards the entry way. As the door creaked open, he noticed a a beautiful brunette, (about in her early twenties or late teens) was standing before the threshold, shaking and nervous in appearance.
Before he could ask what she needed, this tiny half whimpering voice, uttered light... Continue»
Posted by JerseyBean 4 years ago  |  Categories: Anal, Sex Humor, Voyeur  |  Views: 1144  |  
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UNCOMFORTABLE ...

My Wife and I felt very uncomfortable with a situation to be happened a few years ago ...

There was a business meeting with a supporting programm for golfers. So, we decided to go together there ...

We worked hard at day an had a funny evening in the wine yards benath RHINE, Germany ...

And, as always, we belonged to the last at the bar ...

You have to know, that SHE can squirt as hell, when she is in the right mood ...

This night she was in the right mood, and so were I ...

Next day we had business as usual and in the afternoon some golfing ...

The next and last morning, ... Continue»
Posted by vulkanasche 4 years ago  |  Categories: Mature, Sex Humor, Voyeur  |  Views: 684  |  
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Valentines

You know I'm going to say what every single person out there is thinking but lack the testicular fortitude to say. I fucking hate Valentines Day. I'm not even sure if I hate it worse when I'm single or when I'm in a relationship. I mean sure when I'm in single I have to look around at all the happy couples, I have to watch girls go crazy as they get flowers delivered to the office. I have to watch guys nervously make last second arrangements and of course I have to face the fact that everybody but me is getting some goddamn pussy. If I'm in a relationship I'm just one of those guys scrambling ... Continue»
Posted by pornofiend 4 years ago  |  Categories: First Time, Hardcore, Sex Humor  |  Views: 154  |  
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Asian Cum Slut

The night I met Mei in a London club, she was dressed the way you see in
Japanese anime. I told her, and she got all offended since she was Chinese,
and anyway she could not understand what I meant, or so she claimed.

She had on high heeled boots, knee high socks the kind you'll see matched
with schoolgirl uniforms, a chequered plaid skirt that barely covered her
ass, and a white shirt that could barely contain her immense 38E bust.
She looked obscene - breasts that size on a chink, especially one not more
than 5'1 or 5'2 that couldn't be a day over 18 just accentuated the
anime-girl... Continue»
Posted by pornofiend 4 years ago  |  Categories: First Time, Hardcore, Sex Humor  |  Views: 644  |  
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Only the British would get this one!..............



Mr Cadbury met Miss Rowntree on a Double Decker.

It was just After Eight.

They got off at Quality Street .

He asked her name. 'Polo, I'm the one with the hole' she said with a Wispa.

'I'm Marathon , the one with the nuts' he replied.

He touched her Cream Eggs, which was a Kinder Surprise for her.

Then he slipped his hand into her Snickers, which made her Ripple.

He fondled her Jelly Babies and she rubbed his Tic Tacs.

Soon they were Heart Throbs.

It was a Fab moment as she screamed in Turkish Delight.

But, 3 days later, his Sherbet Dip Dab started to itch.
... Continue»
Posted by papa61 4 years ago  |  Categories: Sex Humor  |  Views: 238  |  
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morning wood

Not my story, but just wanted to share it ..

I don't really have a raunchy story to tell but I do, however, feel that I am one of the luckiest men alive.


I met and fell in love with Krista about 3 years ago and we recently got married. She is the most beautiful, caring person I have ever met. I am so proud to be her husband and best friend.


Krista makes me horny without even saying or doing anything. I get hard watching her do laundry in her t-shirt and sweats. I get hard when she paces back and forth in the kitchen while she talks on the phone. I go insane when she gets dressed u... Continue»
Posted by bigdigga 4 years ago  |  Categories: Hardcore, Sex Humor  |  Views: 448  |  
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The Bogus Doctor

I had just started a job selling household goods, cleaning stuff etc which I carry around in my case.
I call at this flat and a voice comes out on the intercom, to come on up. My first thought was that this was unusual for some one to let me come in to their house. I opened the door and I heard a female voice say that she was upstairs. I made my way up and followed her voice. 'I'm in here doctor' she said. I then realised she was expecting a doctor.
As I walked in I saw this gorgeous girl in her bed, she must of been 18 to 20 years old.
I tried to tell her I was only a saleman but she didn'... Continue»
Posted by ernieboy 4 years ago  |  Categories: Anal, Sex Humor, Voyeur  |  Views: 1091  |  
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Surfing Porn at the Office Can Lead to a Promotion


A new study recently released by researchers purports to show that men who surf porn at the office are up to 69 percent more likely to be promoted to a management position when compared to men who refrain from such activities.

In another surprising discovery based on the same research, scientists reported that as many as 6.9 percent of male white collar employees spend at least two hours per day viewing pornography on any given work day, with Wednesday being the day of peak porn viewing activity.

"It would be an understatement to say that we were thrilled to uncover these results," sai... Continue»
Posted by krisp05 4 years ago  |  Categories: Masturbation, Sex Humor  |  Views: 443  |  
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Valentines together

So Almost a year into your sex-filled relationship and its our first valentines together. its been a week since we last saw each other and i owe Bappy big! wearing a tight shirt, baggy jeans and low cut vest under my shirt i could see his excitement as i walked down the stairs at the train station. walking to union square and we stop for a cuddle and i can feel his member hard in his pants. a few hours pass and we decide to go back to his to celebrate properly. as soon as we get into his room we strip off he's getting hard and its happening fast. i moaning his ear how bad i've been needing his... Continue»
Posted by maaao 4 years ago  |  Categories: Masturbation, Sex Humor  |  Views: 306  |  
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A Little Bite to Eat

You get home from the gym and call out to me that you are going to the shower, and you hear me mumble something back. You think nothing of it, assuming that there was something on TV.

Once you get upstairs you can smell the freesia candles burning. You glance into the bathroom and see it lit up with candles. You know I will be up shortly to join you, so you rip your cloths off and toss them into the bedroom and hop into the shower. You stand under the hot pulsating water. You are enjoying the feel of the hot water caressing your body, and you don't even notice me coming into the shower, unt... Continue»
Posted by bdpro 4 years ago  |  Categories: Fetish, Sex Humor  |  Views: 221  |  
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From Russia with love ;)

OK, This is my First true story Sex adventure and there will be more ;)

So one of my friends named Sona messages me one day saying shes going to a club in the city and she wanted to know if her and some of her friends can sl**p over. So obviously me being a guy, I'm like yeah sure as long as I can get some enjoyment out of it ;). She (Being super prude lol) says she doesn't wanna wanna be eattin' out because she doesn't wanna complicate our friendship. But she said she was bring to friends so I was allow to get some action out of them ^_^. One was a girl I've already met named Janna who nev... Continue»
Posted by BBCbeast 4 years ago  |  Categories: First Time, Interracial Sex, Sex Humor  |  Views: 335  |  
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Jail Bait Part 1

You see, I work with criminals at a half way house. On their way out but not quite free yet. Like clock work at 7pm is curfew, i work with one other guy at this location. It's in The Bronx, a lot of people who live in the neighborhood doesn't know what kind of house this is. For the most part it's extremely quiet and neat. Most of the time I'm left alone in the house I work the midnight to 8 am shift.
This one night around 3:30am. I was reading a romance novel, a inmate walked up to the desk, he talked about his case. Like I wanted to hear it at all. Then suddenly the convers... Continue»
Posted by virginblood 4 years ago  |  Categories: First Time, Hardcore, Sex Humor  |  Views: 2246  |  
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Greasing the wheels

This Down Freedom Road thing, this journey of self-discovery, is taking me places I'd never dreamt of going, - porn-wise that is. I know that no-body cares a fuck, but I keep wanting to update my Profile so as to reflect what has been learnt this week...... Perhaps two steps back and a reappraisal are in order.

For example, the great leap forward was in joining the world of positive porn, - where one bares the chest (at least), comes out into the open, discusses sex, kinks and perversions with other lovely perverts, contributes an idea or two. That was the change-ov... Continue»
Posted by dandrew1 4 years ago  |  Categories: Mature, Sex Humor  |  Views: 187  |  
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My girl friend sucked another man cock in frount o

Me and my girl friend which theres a photo of her on my profile.We were at a party and drinking heavely. A guy which we did not know at all was braging on how his wife sucks the best dick. So me of course d***k said really whip it out and I told my girl friend to suck his cock ! I couldnt beleave it but she droped rite to her knees and started sucking his cock in frount of 22 other men and 4 women! The guy blew his load in less then 1 minute all over her face and in her mouth. She showed everybody there the load in her mouth then swallowed his load of course then clean the rest off her face wi... Continue»
Posted by Richard234 4 years ago  |  Categories: Fetish, First Time, Sex Humor  |  Views: 3482  |  
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