Sex Humor Porn Stories Page 102
Dear Dirty Diary,
Eight weeks had passed since Doug had come home from the hospital. He was still a little pale looking and complained of being cold all the time because of the bl**d thinners. The night before, he was detached and completely immersed in a Blue Jays baseball game. Early the following morning was gray and rainy and I was feeling quite sorry for myself. Like a fool looking for comfort, I went down into the den, popped in that Lisa Brokop “When I get to be you” CD into the stereo and cranked up the volume.
One day God called Adam to him and said: "Adam, I have some good news and some bad news. Which would you like to hear first?"
"The good news," replied Adam.
"Well, the good news is I gave you a penis and a brain."
"OK.." said Adam warily. "And what's the bad news?"
"I only gave you enough bl**d to operate one at time."
Why are men so bad at sex and driving?
Because the bastards always pull out with no thought of who else might be coming.
What does it mean when a man is in your bed gasping for breath and calling your name?
You didn't hold the pillow down long enough.
How can you ... Continue»
The Mind Control Machine
Chapter 2 - Julie wants more
During the next few days I did not see Julie and, as her boyfriend was probably back, I did not want to check on her. I was concerned about what were her thoughts ... Would she go crazy about what she had done ? Had she noticed that she had been influenced by an outside f***e ? I did not want to try the NYMPHOCOM on another girl before having made sure that its waves were completely harmless, except for a girl's sexuality of course. I had checked the device entirely several times and apart for the orgasm triggered by the cum swa... Continue»
(I was inspired by a story I found somewhere on the net, it was called "Sam's fall from grace", I don't know the author but thanks a lot to him for the great story)
Chapter 3 - the AJHAB feature
I did not sl**p well that night. I was having nightmares about my close encounter with death. Julie and I were just incredibly lucky to not have been caught by her muscular boyfriend. Thanks to her quick reaction and also to the fact that her boyfriend was probably exhausted from his football match I made it safely out of her apartment. But what would have happened if he had come home five mi... Continue»
The Mind Control Machine - ch01
Disclaimer : I am not a native English speaker so please don't hesitate to correct me if there are sentences which are not understandable !
Please comment/flame as appropriate !
Controlling somebody else's mind has always been a common fantasy throughout the ages. Nothing is more fascinating than to have other human beings obeying your will without any restriction even at the risk of their own life. Many scientists have tried to uncover the secrets of the brain but so far our most complex organ has remained a mystery. We know that th... Continue»
In my younger days, I was a decent amateur photographer. Once, when a friend got married she asked me to take her pictures. I agreed to do them for free if she bought the film. Neither f****y had much money and she readily agreed. Her future spouse came from a f****y where both mother and father had c***dren by previous marriages as well as some together. Except for the future groom, all were girls and all from 16 years old and up.Again, to save money, the mothers bought material and started sewing the dresses for the bridesmaids, most of whom were the groom's s****rs. They chose a bright for... Continue»
I have this story to share, never actually told it to anyone before but it’s kind of fun so enjoy.
I live outside of town a couple of miles and therefore the parties always ended up at my place. Far enough from town that we can have a big fire and make some noise and no one cares but close enough to still get a taxi home or whatever. So, this was a typical small party. About 25 people gathered around the fire pit which was in my back yard. The house was always open so people could use the fridge or washroom etc. It was about midnight or so when I accidentally spilled a drink onto my pant leg... Continue»
THE TWELVE DAYS OF CHRISTMAS
I went to the door today and the postman delivered
a partridge in a pear tree. What a thoroughly delightful gift.
I couldn't have been more surprised.
With deepest love and affection,
Today the postman brought your very sweet gift.
Justimagine...two turtle doves!!
I'm delighted at your very thoughtful gift.
They are just too adorable.
My everlasting love,
My Dear Bob,
Oh! Aren't you the extravagant one!
Now I actually must protest.
I don't deserve ... Continue»
4 Laughing eyes
4 Well-shaped legs
4 Loving arms
2 Firm milk containers
1 soft, warm mixing bowl
1 Firm banana
1. Look into laughing eyes.
2. Spread well-shaped legs with loving arms.
3. Squeeze and massage milk containers very gently.
4. Gently add firm banana to mixing bowl, working in and out until well creamed. For best results. Continue to knead milk containers.
5. As heat rises, plunge banana deep into mixing bowl and cover with nuts, leave to soak (preferably NOT overnight).
6. The cake is done when banana is... Continue»
A boy takes his girlfriend home after going out together. When they reach the front door, he leans against the wall with one hand and says,
"Sweetie, can you give me a blowjob?"
"What? Are you crazy!?"
He says "Don't worry, it will be quick, no problem."
"No!! Someone may see -- a relative, a neighbor, anyone..."
"At this time of the night? No one will show up honey..."
She insistantly says "I've already said NO. Someone will see us."
At this point he pleas one last time, "My love... Please don't be like that..."
At that moment, the girlfriend's younger s****r shows up at ... Continue»
There were three daughters and they all wanted to get married but they couldn't afford it and neither could there parents. So the parents said "We will give you all a joint wedding and then you will all be able to get married".
So they got married and all three daughters then said "I want a honeymoon but we cant afford it". The parents couldn't afford it either so they deiced they would have the honeymoon at their parents house.
So on there honeymoon night their mother woke up and deiced to go downstairs and get a drink. On the way down she heard the first daughter screaming but she jut... Continue»
A guy is hanging out in his favorite bar when he spots a fabulous babe walking in on the arm of some ugly guy. He asks the bartender about her and is surprised to discover that she's a prostitute. He watches her the rest of the night, amazed that someone so attractive could be available to him.
The next night he goes back to the bar, and sure enough she shows up again, only this time alone. The guy gets up his nerve and approaches her. "Is it true you're a prostitute?"
"Why, sure, big boy. What can I do for you?"
"Well, I dunno. What do you charge?"
"I get $100 just for a han... Continue»
On the first day of Christmas, my true slut gave to me
A virgin so very horny
On the second day, she gave me two pecker rubs
And a virgin so very horny
Now on the third day of Christmas, that ol' bitch, she brought home three French whores
Two pecker rubs
And a virgin so very horny
Now on the fourth day of Christmas, four calling girls
Three French whores
Two pecker rubs
And a virgin so very horny
On the fifth day of Christmas she brought me home somethin' special
She brought me home somethin' special
Five herpie seeds
Four calling girls
Three French whores
Two peck... Continue»
A few months after his parents were divorced, little Johnny passed by his mom's bedroom and saw her rubbing her body and moaning, "I need a man, I need a man!"
Over the next couple of months, he saw her doing this several times. One day, he came home from school and heard her moaning. When he peeked into her bedroom, he saw a man on top of her. Little Johnny ran into his room, took off his clothes, threw himself on his bed, started stroking himself, and moaning:
"Ohh, I need a bike! Ahh, I need a bike!"
An Italian man enters his favorite ritzy restaurant and while sitting at his regular table, he notices a gorgeous woman sitting at a nearby table. ...Alone. He calls the waiter over and asks for the most expensive bottle of Merlot to be sent over to her, knowing that if she accepts it, she will be his. The waiter gets the bottle and quickly takes it to her saying who it came from. She looks at the bottle and decides to send a note over to the man. The note said "For me to accept this bottle, you must have a Mercedes in your garage, a million dollars in the bank , and 7 inches in your pants.." ... Continue»
My name is justin and this is my story. Well for starters I am a 5'7 male very strong build ( I play football) and I am apparently socially accepted.
It all happened on one random lonely warm night. Nothing out of place or in favor to clue a hint to this leading up to what would possibly be the most extreme not of my young life. I am a computer junky and its all I know (besides football). I live in an apartment building above my Aunt and her f****y of 5. Her second older daughter being the same age as me. Our entire lives we competed to see who was the best. We were always the same height.... Continue»
Well, the wife is out again. Here I sit at the computer, checking out new videos on the Hamster with my cock in my hand. Meanwhile, the wife is out getting her holes filled with another guy's rod. She left here about 8:30, after getting all dolled up. Sometimes she will wear a slinky dress, garters, stockings and high heels, just like a porn star! I know when she shows up at her friend's house and he sees her, he must pop a raging hard-on the minute he opens the door. She loves going out and showing other guys her awesome blow-job skills. Patiently I wait for her to return, usually afte... Continue»
A mother had 3 daughters. They were all getting married within a short time period. Because mom was a bit worried about how their sex lives would get started, she made them all promise to send a postcard from the honeymoon with a few words on how marital sex felt.
The first girl sent a card from Hawaii two days after the wedding. The card said nothing but "Nescafe." Mom was puzzled at first, but then went to the kitchen and got out the Nescafe jar. It said: "Good till the last drop." Mom blushed, but was pleased for her daughter.
The second girl sent the card from Vermont a week after th... Continue»
I had just broke up with my ex and met a girl in a town 30 mins away and my buddy was interested in her friend so it was good for both of us to drive there, we got there and the girls looked great and being kinda hick my buddy and i looks well hick, we went to a movie and then got a bit to eat (it was summer and nice out) we then desided that we could both push i luck if we go outta town were there was a park so we went there and me and the girl i hard my eye on went to the play ground and my buddy and his girl were walking around me and the girl started making out and bein inosent she was a l... Continue»
Steve is shopping for a new motorcycle. He finally finds one for a great price, but it's missing a seal, so whenever it rains he has to smear vaseline over the spot where the seal should be.
Anyway, his girlfriend is having him over for dinner to meet her parents. He drives his new bike to her house, where she is outside waiting for him. "No matter what happens at dinner tonight, don't say a word." She tells him, "Our f****y had a fight a while ago about doing dishes. We haven't done any since, but the first person to speak at dinner has to do them."
Steve sits down for dinner and It is ... Continue»