Sex Humor Porn Stories Page 102
alright yall this is my 1st story dont hate but it fuckin sucked i tell you what.
my 9th grade year i was dating a cheer leader she was in her 12th year and i played Varsidy football 3A aka small town blah blah blah we fuck she loves me
now the story starting out the day i wake up and send her it was a snow and i wanted to see, we hung ou for most of the day we shot guns and did some other bull shit, but i had my DL and a truck ext cab ford ranger, i thought i was a bad ass but it had started to get dark so i parked to try to get my dicky shicky on a back ass gravel road, she wasnt much... Continue»
Old man sitting on his front porch in Louisiana watching the sunrise
sees the neighbor's k** walk by carrying something big under his arm.
He yells out, "Hey boy, whatcha got there?"
The boy yells back, "Roll of chicken wire."
The old man says, "What you gonna do with that?"
The boy says, "Catch some chickens."
The old man yells, "You damn fool, you can't catch chickens with
The boy just laughs and keeps walking.
That evening at sunset the boy comes walking by and to the old man's
surprise, he is dragging behind him the chicken wire with about 30
Little Lucy went out into the garden and saw her cat Tiddles lying on the ground with its eyes shut and its legs in the air. She fetched her Dad to look at Tiddles, and on seeing the cat he said, as gently as he could, "I'm afraid Tiddles is dead, Lucy."
"So why are his legs sticking up in the air like that, Daddy?" asked Lucy as she fought back the tears.
At a loss for something to say the father replied, Tiddles' legs are pointing straight up in the air so that it will be easier for Jesus to float down from heaven above and grab a leg and lift Tiddles up to heaven."
Little Lucy seem... Continue»
Bad: You find a porn movie in your son's room.
Worse: You're in it.
Bad: Your c***dren are sexually active.
Worse: With each other.
Good: The teacher likes your son.
Good: You go to see a strip show.
Bad: Your daughter's the headliner.
Good: Your boyfriend's exercising.
Bad: So he'll fit in your clothes.
Good: Your daughter's on the Pill.
Bad: She's eleven.
Good: Your wife meets you at the door nude.
Bad: She's coming home.
An American couple on vacation with some friends in Mexico were
shopping at the market to bring back a few souvenirs to their f****y
and friends. Time passed, and the couple realized that neither of them
was wearing a watch. They noticed this little Mexican man taking a
siesta next to this mule, which had the largest set of mule nuts they
had ever seen.
Trying not to stare at the huge mule nuts, they asked the little
Mexican man, "Excuse us, but could you tell us what time it is?"
The little Mexican man reached his hand under the enormous set of mule
nuts and, li... Continue»
If you could be the hottest shemale that ever walked the earth for one day what would you do ? Im talking
*Beautiful Face, somewhat of Megan Fox or Lacey Chabert
*Pretty green eyes
*Nice smile & white baby teeth
*Very feminine voice
*Small girly hands & feet
*Long Hair (Brunette)
*About one shade darker than Pale skin
*Nice tight butt
*Boobs with no visible surgery scars
*And a small penis, just small enough for you to wear bikinis on the beach
Of course I want to hear your story's so i will make mine short,(Get all their email addresses)I would b... Continue»
Dear Dirty Diary,
Three weeks passed and it was Sunday morning. The sun peeked softly through the slats of the blinds in our bedroom, showing promise for an inspiring new day. Doug was sl**ping soundly, so I carefully slipped out of bed and headed for the shower. Soon the hot water tingled against my back and trickled down my bum, warming me completely. I shampooed my hair then began to lather the rest of me. The slippery bar of Dove slid soothingly across my wet skin, caressing my body with its softly rounded contours. Sure I had lathered my body completely, I took down the hand-held... Continue»
Two old guys were sitting in the park, talking, when the subject
turned to getting older. The first guy said "Women have all the luck
when it comes to getting older."
"What do you mean?" asked the second guy.
"Well," replied the first. "I can barely remember the last time I got
aroused in bed, but my wife is healthier than ever!"
"Healthier? How is that?" his buddy wondered.
"Years ago, when we were younger, almost every night before bed she'd
get these terrible headaches." he answered. "Now that we're older, she
hasn't had a headache in years."
A old Jewish man on his deathbed whispered, "Sarah, Sarah, where are
you, my dear wife?"
"Right here at your side, my love."
"And my son, Moishe...where is he?"
"Right here at your side, papa."
"And my daughter, Mitsy...where is she?"
"Right here at your side, papa."
"And my son, Abraham...where is he?"
"Right here at your side, papa."
"What, none of you assholes is minding the store?"
A man walks into a d**g store with his 8-year-old son. They happen to
walk by the condom display, and the boy asks, "What are these, Dad?"
The man matter-of-factly replies, "Those are called condoms, son. Men
use them to have safe sex."
"Oh I see," replied the boys pensively. "Yes, I've heard of that in
health class at school."
He looks over the display and picks up a package of three and asks,
"Why are there three in this package."
The dad replies, "Those are for high-school boys. One for Friday, one
for Saturday, and one for Sunday."
"Cool!" says the boy. He notices a pac... Continue»
Watching her in the shower is a thrill, the slow fall of water flowing down her caramel skin legs, wr****g around those perfectly toned thighs long lean, graceful every move of the wash cloth over her flat stomach, bubbles gathering in her belly button praying to call it home, with her quick spin on the heels of her feet they are whipped away, shoulders elegantly dropped feeling the water rush over her short light brown hair, with soap on her face I make my move, open the door and slip right in, standing from behind my hands firmly grasp her arms and slide down to her hands fingers interlock, ... Continue»
"Just a moment I would like to have a smoke before bed." Walking past the screen door I stop it before it slams but she heard the creeks I hear her steps down the white carpet stairs such a woman makes noise with every movement of her light frame that old screen door opens without a peep I know that darn thing doesnt like me. "Babe can you roll me one." my reply "yes" the cream paper already in my fingers I fold in half pinch the tabbacco then roll her fag hand her my flame she lites the glow set back stands far from the night sky a quick shine in her big blue eyes. "It may storm tonight, coul... Continue»
Shes sitting there in the corner of my eye asking why I have to make a mess she knows my cakes take time to prepare bake and set. Whisking the eggs fluffing my batter she waits my forearms tighten cute bakers hat shaking my good mood to much to resist. Come here for a second she calls out to me. Hold on is my reply. Set my pans in the oven turn around her body pins up mine. Gimme a kiss. So I do slip to the side and be rude let me go take a shower. I wash the flour out my hair take a moment and stare then brush my teeth. Wrapped in a towel stright to the kitchen gotta save my creation from bur... Continue»
A married couple have been stranded on a deserted island for many years. One day another man washes up on shore. He and the wife become attracted to each other right away, but realize they must be creative if they are to engage in any hanky-panky. The husband, however, is very glad to see the second man there. "Now we will be able to have three people doing eight hour shifts in the watchtower, rather than two people doing 12-hour shifts."
The newcomer is only too happy to help and in fact volunteers to do the first shift. He climbs up the tower to stand watch. Soon the couple on the ground... Continue»
There was an elderly man who wanted to make his younger wife pregnant. So, he went to the doctor to have a sperm count done. The doctor told him to take a specimen cup home, fill it, and bring it back the next day.
The elderly man came back the next day and the specimen cup was empty and the lid was on it.
Doctor: What was the problem?
Elderly man: Well, you I tried with my right hand...nothing. So, I tried with my left hand...nothing. My wife tried with her right hand...nothing. Her left hand...nothing. Her mouth...nothing. Then my wife's friend tried. Right hand, left hand, mo... Continue»
Seven wise men with knowledge so fine,
created a pussy to their design.
First was a butcher,
with smart wit,
using a knife,
he gave it a slit,
Second was a carpenter,
strong and bold,
with a hammer and chisel,
he gave it a hole,
Third was a tailor,
tall and thin,
by using red velvet,
he lined it within,
Fourth was a hunter,
short and stout,
with a piece of fox fur,
he lined it without,
Fifth was a fisherman,
nasty as hell,
threw in a fish and gave it a smell,
Sixth was a preacher,
whose name was McGee,
he touched it and blessed it,
and said it co... Continue»
A cucumber, an olive and a penis are talking.
The cucumber says "I hate my life, when I get big fat and juicy they cut me up and put me in salad."
The olive says "That's nothing, when I get big fat and juicy they cut me up and put me on pizza."
The penis says "You think you have it bad, when I get big fat and juicy they put me in a bag, throw me in a cave, shut the door and leave me there till I throw up"
Mike and Becky met in a bar in Louisiana, Mike had never been in that state before, he had never been in the country but had contacted Becky through an internet site! This sounds strange but it is not really! They both had a few drinks then Becky said " I feel I have been really naughty, what would you like to do to me?" Mike said ..." Well Girl a bit of corporal punishment should be in order!" "OH What sort??" ! A Fucking good thrashing, over my knee! He pulled her skirt up, her panties down then spanked her on the bit between her thighs and buttocks, Becky came almost at once, Mike pulled... Continue»
A golfer is in a competitive match with a friend, who is ahead by a
couple of strokes. The golfer says to himself, "I'd give anything to
sink this next putt."
A stranger walks up to him and whispers, "Would you give up a fourth
of your sex life?"
The golfer thinks the man is crazy and that his answer will be
meaningless but also that perhaps this is a good omen and will put him
in the right frame of mind to make the difficult putt and says, "OK."
And sinks the putt.
Two holes later he mumbles to himself, "Boy, if I could only get an
eagle on this hole."
The same stranger ... Continue»
A rather attractive woman goes up to the bar in a quiet rural pub.
She gestures alluringly to the barman, who comes over immediately.
When he arrives, she seductively signals for him to bring his face
close to hers. When he does so, she begins to gently caress his beard,
which is full and bushy.
"Are you the manager?" she asks, softly stroking his face with both
"Actually, no" he replies.
"Can you get him for me -- I need to speak to him." She is running her
hands up beyond his beard and into his hair.
"I'm afraid that I can't," breathes the barman, clearly aroused. ... Continue»