Sex Humor Porn Stories
Friends: Deleted Scenes - Just One More Time
Ross and Rachel cuddled on the couch, one late evening, watching the last part of a classic movie. The door to Monica's bedroom opened and she walked through the otherwise empty apartment, to the bathroom.
"Getting ready for bed, Mon?" Rachel asked.
"Yeah, I'm gonna take a nice hot shower. Y'know, work out the kinks of the day," she said.
Ross' eyes followed her, and saw that she was wearing a silk robe. It was red, with black satin lapels, and matching black trim on the breast and hip pockets. It looked very much like a long feminine ve... Continue»
When this little Duckie went to uni, she had her eyes open to an abundance of cock. Thick, thin, skin on, circumcised, pierced, hairy and most of all the continuous discussion point of big versus small. As I was "new" to the sex scene, it took a while for me to realise that I should not be putting up with a life shattering bad sex. After many experiences of this kind and me thinking that this should be tolerated (it isn't) I now know without hesitation what my answer would be if asked this question: "would you rather have bad sex for the rest of your life, or none at all?" I still have my toys... Continue»
The Booty Inspector pt. 3 by markfayer
“Freaky Felatio Foursome”
Dick and his intrepid Lieutenant, junior, had no sooner arrived at the Barnaby’s Circus Fairgrounds when they spied the performers’ ring of campers set about in a cozy circle, creating a small common open space for the freaks and Acrobats and other members of the Freak Parade.
“Alright, Dick, what’s our plan of Attack?” quipped Junior.
“Well…I figgur we just waltz into the Boxler b*o’s trailer, give them an offer they caint refuse—by which I mean they get to fornicate with our Nubian Amazons-in-tow in a no... Continue»
#1) TRAFFIC JAM
I was 6 hours on the hwy when I rolled up on a traffic jam about an hour out side of Memphis Tn. I was at a complete stop, nothing moving for 30 minutes or longer. people were getting out of there cars, looking around. I rolled my windows down shut off the car and sat there for about 15 minutes. It was so hot I put the windows up and fired up the AC! about that time the lane next to me started moving, about 30 cars passed me, and back to a stop! As I looked over at this little single cab ford ranger with its windows down and two girls in it with ball caps on. The passenger loo... Continue»
It was frosty that morning, the dim sun damply lighting the room, as I stretched a chill descended down my spine and I clenched the covers closer to my body, shivering slightly.
My long, dark curls brushing my shoulders only adding to my frozen tingles.
I lay there in the cold, thinking, and willing the cold to go away, 'I wonder what's for breakfast..?'
As I lay there bunched in blankets there is a bang at the door and it opens, my step b*****r, wearing tight dark jeans and a white shirt gazes at me and laughs.
"It's not that fucking cold!" he cackles and sits at the end of the bed.
I have been married to Pam for twenty years now and we are both happy with each other. We have never had any c***dren. This year Pam turned forty and still looks great. She has dark brown hair which she cuts short in a bob which curves in to the nape of her neck. Pam still has her curves in all the right places as she had the day I married her. Pam can be quite extrovert and has a bubbly personality. She is much more outgoing than me. Pam really enjoys amateur dramatics and is very involved with our local theatre guild; she always has a leading part in their productions and spends quite a lot ... Continue»
The Booty Inspector (part 2) by markfayer
Dick jones woke up with his tail between his legs – literally his schlong was tucked back up underneath his taint and was poking out between his butt-cheeks.
“Where am I?” he groggily queried aloud.
Then he noticed the 2 large feminine figures laying on either side of his naked body.
He was inside what appeared to be a traveling Whore’s-Bedroom-Within-a-Stagecoach.
The women were impressively striking – dark-skinned Nubian Zulu warrior Princesses. 6 ft. 2 inches tall, Long muscular thick bodies, with well-fleshed-out Asses and Thig... Continue»
[Tune in tomorrow evening for Part 2 of THE BOOTY INSPECTOR]
The man walked into the room with a shotgun raised over his head and shouted "Now, ah'm only goanna repeat myself one Mo' time! I want all you men ta' lay down yous'n weapons and all you Womanfolk to drop down yours'n panties and pull on up dem skirts, because I here am the Booty Inpsector and I've come to inspect yours'n booties!"
And so the rise of Fame and Legend was given to the Old West's first and only "Booty Inspector" who hijacked trains and banks only to inspect womenfolk’s' Booties, at gunpoin... Continue»
Friends: Deleted Scenes - Remembering the New Year's After-party
Earlier in the day, Rachel had broken up once and for all with her ex-fiance, Barry. Now at the end of the day, she and Monica sat on the couch. "You Okay?" Monica asked.
"Yeah." Rachel replied, thoughtfully.
"Really?" her roommate pursued, placing her hand on Rachel's arm. Rachel took a sip from her glass of her white wine and set it on the table. "Yeah!" she answered, more confidently, and rested her hand on Monica's leg. "Y'know, ever since I ran out on Barry at the wedding, I have wondered whether I made the right ch... Continue»
Three times decorated for bravery and fifteen times reprimanded for breaking the rules. He was like a real-life Dirty Harry from the Clint Eastwood movies. Bumfelt was an enigma. A man of both conviction and confliction. He was handsome. Rugged. Hot.
Darling slipped a hand over her vulva and gently parted her outer lips. Spreading them open with her manicured fingers. She caressed and rubbed at herself. She made herself wet. It didn't take her long. It never did. When she needed to sl**p and rest, Darling would often turn to masturbation. She knew how to please herself, be it w... Continue»
Halley was walking into her house. It was her birthday and she was finally 18. Her long brown hair was falling around her shoulders. Her step dad, Daniel, was sitting at the table. His name was Daniel, and he had been married to haileys mom for two years.
"Hey baby girl!" Daniel smiled, standing from his seat and opening his arms to give his beautiful step daughter a hug.
"Hi Daniel!" She smiled, wrapping her arms around him, her dress sliding up from the friction between their bodies,
"Happy birthday, you are finally 18!" He beam... Continue»
Friends: Deleted Scenes - The New Year's Eve After-party Party
The New Year's Eve party had ended a short while before, and already all the guests had left, including Ross and Phoebe. Chandler and Joey sat at the kitchen table as Monica cleaned up the apartment.
"This New Year's Eve SUCKED!" Rachel complained as she sat on the couch. Everyone mumbled their agreement as she continued. "I was going to spend a romantic evening with Paolo, making love to him... and the asshole didn't even show up."
"Tell me about it," Monica agreed. "I bought this dress thinking I'd get SOME guy at the pa... Continue»
Meri choot ki aag mere bhai ne bujhayi
Meri choot ki aag mere bhai ne bujhayi
mera naam kiran hai me 35 saal ki saadi suda mahila hoon,me madhy pradesh ke ek chhote se
shahar ki rahne waali hoon ,mere priwaar me, me ,mere pati 42saal,mera beta 12 saal aur beti 15 ki hai,
mere pati job karte hai, unhen 8 saal se dame ki bimaari hai es karan thoda sa bhi saririk kaam karne se
unki saanse ukhadne lagti hai ese karan pichle 8 saalo se me sex ka sukh nahi le paayi aab to sex ki
ikchayen bhi mar si gyi hai ..lekin mera badan aabhi bhi bahut sexy dikhta hai bilkul jaya prada ki tarah
Bumfelt kissed her. Their lips met. Slow and then eager. Bumfelt pulled her close. Put one hand around her slender waist and slid the other across her skirt, down her stocking leg.
“We shouldn’t……we can’t….,” she gasped, pulling her head away from Bumfelt’s. “It’s not appropriate and-“
“No. You’re right,” said Bumfelt, stepping back, running a hand across his two day stubble, glancing away. “I don’t know what I was thinking. I’m sorry, Roxy. I should-“
“I want to.”
“I want to,” repeated Roxanne softly. “I want to feel a man one last time. I need that. I need you, Eddie... Continue»
The gloomy Russian winter day. The city of Tambov. In street was -20 ° C and the huge snowdrifts. In the streets Russians in felt boots ran wrapped in their thick fur coats. The monument to Lenin in the central square was half-covered with snow. Fifteen minutes ago by a huge icicle that fell from the local KGB building was killed a passerby. The place where fell the deadly icicle already was cordoned off by Cossacks and militia, the Russian police.
The room with the dirty shabby walls in one of the barracks of the army unit at city of Tambov. In air was tobacco smoke of cheap cigarettes. On t... Continue»
Fucked 2 - The Great Rock N Roll Orgy [part 2 of 2]
By: Jo Jo (email@example.com)
Fucked 2 - The Greatest Rock N Roll ORGY of all Time
Well... bestest one I have ever been to anyway.
This follows on from Fucked, and concerns the party that followed the
dissolution of that band.
It was held in a very impressive apartment overlooking the canal system
in the centre of Birmingham. It was above some sort of gym/spa and took
up the entire floor.
The band, as I mentioned before , was Mike , Paul, Niecey , Julie, Ray
and of course Derek.
Also at the bash, 4 or 5 te... Continue»
Seymour Shaft, disgraced cop turned private detective was trying to open his emails. He was not having much success. He kept hitting the wrong keys and now he had locked himself out with his password protection.
This was all happening because he was finding it hard to concentrate. It’s not easy to work a computer if you are getting blown at the same time.
Seymour’s secretary was one hot bitch and she was also one dirty bitch. One thing she really loved doing was sucking dick. That and sitting on faces. She was having a fun time at that moment, squatting between the detective’s legs, pe... Continue»
The learning curve
This story is based on an e mail I received from a “friend” who swore it was a true episode, her husband of two years, she reported as being; a “ half empty oil can and a brick short of a full load as well!”
As a blush saving exercise we will refer to him as Nigel and her as Tina, they live in a modern brick semi detached suburban estate, known locally as filofax ally, full of bottom rung wanabee stockbrokers.
He, Nigel came from well bred stock with money, and had been sent to the city to learn a trade, probably to get him away from home, not bright enough to dri... Continue»
MARRIED WOMAN AND THE PHOTO SHOOT
My name is Jane and I have been married to my husband John for over 20 years,
And life is so good,
My husband and I have a great relationship and the sex is always so good we have over many years found different ways to spice up our sex life,
I currently work park time in a hotel as a receptionist but many years ago I was a model for a major catalog company and have always maintained my figure and looks,
My husband always says that I still look good as I did 20 years ago when we got married,
I think the years have been kind to me and I always make ... Continue»
“You still with the rug-muncher,” he said, putting his empty beer bottle down.
“If you mean Kirstie,” she replied. “Then yes.”
“Well, like I said Rox,” said Bumfelt. “It's been a long day. And as hot as you are, I'm not here for an angry I'm fucked off with my lesbian partner and what some dick fuck.”
“You think that's what this is?” replied Ballsakey. “Fuck you, Eddie.”
“Yes. Fuck. You,” said Ballsakey. “You don't have to be a complete asshole.”
“I don't?” shrugged Bumfelt.
“No. You don't,” snapped Ballsakey, getting up from the chair, moving across the dining... Continue»