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Sue will learn to deal

... shit out of this bitch she belongs to us now she will do as I tell her to no matter what where or ... by the hand and says come with us She turns to Sue we'll be here at 10 tomorrow have fun.................
... ... Continue»
Posted by shotguner 2 years ago  |  Categories: Taboo  |  Views: 419  |  
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Sue will learn to deal

My wife and I were eating at a local place and one of Kat's new girls came in with her f****y Kat said Hi to her but she looked away and keep going, this only pissed Kat off (bad thing to do belive me) Kat sent her a text saying go to the bathroom her phone buzzed she went to the john and Kat put her agaist the wall she begged PLEASE I'M HERE WITH MY HUSBAND AND SON PLEASE THEY CAN'T KNOW ABOUT YOU pulling back Kat thought a second then tells her be ready at 9am for me she says BUT I WORK Kat turns to leave and says call in sick!!!


At 9am on the nose Kat rings the doorbell a very nervres Sue answers it and ask Kat in. My wife starts to unload on her but Sue says please teach me to be able to control myself enough to intro you to Tom and my son Jeff I know I upset you but I just didn't think I could keep my cool around you and them too. Kat clams down a little and says alright know get naked.. Sue heads to her bedroom and the two of them go at it licking fingering and tit sucking for the morning then swating Sue on the ass Kat says time to up your game put on a short skirt and sexy top no panties.

Sue and my wife go to the mall and just as they get there Kat hands Sue a pair of benwon ball tells her to put them into her twat and you better not drop them! They wall the mall and my wife rubs her ass and tits and playfully smacks her cunt when none is looking. Sue's cunt is on fire her tits are hard and tring to poke holes in her top pussy juice runing down her legs and that PLEASE FUCK ME LOOK on her face as they go into a dress shop the sales girl looks up at Sue and just as she starts to ask her if she is ok Sue can't take it and cuming hard shakes and grons the girl not knowing what to do just stares at her.My wife laghting grabs Sue and pulls her away.

The two head back to the car Sue is talking unstop did you see her face OMG that was great you are great OMG WHAT ELSE HAVE I MISSED? Kat says we are about to show you just that. pulling into our driveway Kat brings Sue into our bedroom kissing herall over undressing her to puting her down on the bed says I'll be right back and goes into the next room coming back with a 91/2" strap-on bigger around then her wrist and tells her this is one thing you were missing and soon Kat is hammering home the dido long fast hard stokes fucking Sue's brains out tell she cums harder and longer then ever before and that is where I came in and for the next two hours banged both godnesses silly cunt mouth ass tits cumming all over them both and they lick off each other.

Sue leaves for home and as she pulls into her drive Kat calls her HEY ME AND TONY ARE ON ARE WAY DO NOT CHANGE YOUR CLOTHES YOU TOM JEFF AND US ARE GOING OUT TO EAT. OMG no we can't YES WE CAN AND ARE..

More to come ... Continue»
Posted by shotguner 2 years ago  |  Categories: Hardcore, Lesbian Sex  |  Views: 1450  |  
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When I Learn To Fly

ONE

Rain is so much prettier in the summer.

As we drove, fat drops splattered against the car windows. The sun shot through their glossy skins and threw coloured lights inside—like riding in a kaleidoscope. Good job it was this pretty, too; to tolerate another hour in the car with Mom, I needed the distraction.

"Danni?" Esme, my girlfriend, traced the seam along the inner leg of my jeans. "You're quiet. It's weird."

"Just tired, baby." It wasn't weird. I'd been quiet with her a lot lately, but couldn't bear to tell her why.

"I'm sure she's just conserving her energy for the good times ahead." Mom nodded at us in the car mirror as she drove. "Ready to let loose on holibobs, girls?"

Holibobs. Eugh. Esme winced at me, and I rolled my eyes.

"Mom. Seriously."

"Don't pretend you'd rather be at home. I heard the pair of giggling while you packed your bikinis," she huffed.

Holy crap. I squeezed my eyes shut and prayed she didn't hear what happened right after Esme tried on the purple stripy one with the string ties, because I swear we tried to stay quiet...

Esme squeezed my hand and shot me an impish smile. She was thinking about it too; the things we did in my bedroom last night. If I sucked my fingers hard enough, I could probably still taste her.

Two months on, and it was still easier to screw my girlfriend than just tell her the truth.

But no matter now. We were off on holiday--my f****y's annual gathering on Anglesey--and after that, Esme and I would separate to start our respective university courses. She was off to Portsmouth, me to Bath. I'd got it all planned: we'd grow apart. Our phone calls and emails would dwindle, and our relationship would feather at the edges. It might take a cruel word or two to tug the thread, but that would be easier when I didn't have to look into her big, beautiful blue eyes while I said them.

Because...yeah. I'm Danni Warren, and I'm a coward. I'm also a cheating cow. There's no support group for any of those things, and saying it out loud didn't make me feel any better. All I wanted to do now was tolerate a week with my f****y in those stupid eco lodges, and pray the wooden walls didn't remind me too much of a little cabin in Devon where I'd spent three intense, desperate nights with someone I could never really have.

I did try to have him, but he panicked and slipped away.

****

"This is our first bedroom, like, together." Esme dumped her rucksack on the double bed with its cheerful yellow sheets, and sank into the mattress. "That's kind of cool, right?"

I glanced around at our timber walls, pine furniture, and at the huge window where the distant view of the Snowdonia mountains spilled in. "It's awesome."

"I mean, it's not what I'd pick for us," she went on. "We'd totally have velvet. And lace. Like in Moulin Rouge."

"This is more like Ikea boudoir."

"But I kinda don't care." She tugged me down beside her on the crappy mattress, and her blond bob cupped her chin as she leaned over me. "'Cause I'm here with you."

"My mum's in the next room, remember."

"Still don't care."

No matter how I felt about her, I couldn't deny that Esme was a tantalising kisser. It was half the reason I'd fallen for her in the first place. Her lips were so soft and her tongue so delicate that I melted right into her mouth every time. This kiss was no exception, and before I even thought about it, I wrapped one arm around her neck and rubbed her buttocks with my free hand.

"Love you, pixie," she breathed.

"Love you too." I did. Kind of. God, it was just so complicated. Esme still turned me on, and I still longed for her company. I missed her when she got tied up at school or her job at the supermarket. But since that weekend two months ago, I'd realised she wasn't The One...and it all stopped being good enough. Now she just thought I was constantly stressed or tired, and I knew she hoped we'd make up for it on this holiday.

Maybe we would. Stranger things had happened, right?

"So." She pulled back to stroke the auburn hair from my face. "What's the plan of action? We checking out the beach, or what?"

"Yeah, can do. We usually all meet at this pub down the road, so we could do beach and then pub for tea."

Esme's nipple stood stiff beneath her t-shirt, and I pushed my thumb against it gently. She had gorgeous breasts—small, tipped with dark pink buds. Sensitive. When I petted them like this, she went all quiet and breathy.

"Well?" I giggled, nudging her. "Hello? Earth to Esme?"

"Yeah. Whatever, pixie." She pulled me in for another warm kiss. "I can't wait to meet your f****y. Finally."

"Oh yeah." I looked down. "That."

"They do know you're a lesbian, right?"

They knew, all right. Only one of them knew otherwise, but f****y gatherings had never been his thing. Fortunately. Or unfortunately. For a brief second, I imagined him shaking hands with Esme, and the three of us making awkward small talk as if nothing had ever happened and I'd never had him inside me. Crap. Crap. No, definitely fortunate that he was all black sheep-esque and wouldn't be there.

"Course they know. You moose." I finished teasing her nipple, and kissed along her collarbone instead. "Although we don't have to go anywhere. We could just stay here..."

"Danni!" She swatted my kisses away. "We've got all night for that. All week. Mmm." She gave my bottom lip a little tug. "I want to do it on the beach."

I'd already done it on the beach, but she could never know that.

"Yeah. Um. Awesome."

"In the dark, maybe. With all the stars twinkling, and the sound of the tide and stuff. So romantic." She sighed wistfully. "I'm so glad your mum let you bring me."

"Mom is very supportive of our girl-love. I think she feels all feminist and PC because ot it." And she did support us, in her own way (although I'd hardly dreaded telling her I had a girlfriend; she was just glad I wasn't pregnant, or on d**gs, or convinced I was a sparkly vampire or something).

If only she knew the truth, eh? (Ominous fade out).

"Cool. Shall we get going, then?"

"I don't want to get off this bed," I complained. "It's too comfy, and now I'm all frisky. You can't let me go out like this, Es. I'll hump a tree."

"Danni. Ew."

Ten minutes later, we'd swapped our trainers for flip flops, and were headed down the stony path to the beach. The breeze tempered the heat, whipped our hair against our cheeks, and our palms stuck together as we held hands.

The four cabins my f****y hired each year sat on the outskirts of a wood just outside Rhosneigr, a seaside village on the coast of the Welsh island. It was fifteen minutes to the pubs and shops, ten minutes to the beach itself, and less than five to the shade of the marshy forest. Not exactly Marbella or New York, but it was good to get away from our crummy little house in Bristol...especially since Mom and Malcolm the moron broke up. I swear, she needed this holiday far more than me.

"Woah." As we emerged from the woodlands and on to the beach, Esme shielded her eyes with a hand and stared out over the expanse of sapphire ocean. She was about to study oceanography at uni, and I knew the sea was kind of her sacred place. "I could stand here all day, you know."

"Well how's about you stand downwind, and I wait here so I can watch your skirt blow up?"

"You get more perverted every frickin' second." She rolled her eyes, although a smile crinkled their edges. "I promise you can look up my skirt later, okay?"

"I suppose I'll cope." How did this work, exactly? Esme felt like my best friend, but I still wanted to lick her, taste her, have her shudder through one of her sweet, cooing orgasms against my mouth. Yet I'd feel nothing but relief once we were over and I was free to chase a replacement...him. It wasn't that she was a girl, no, nothing to do with that. But I wanted things now that only he could give me, and maybe someone a similar shape could do the same?

Esme grabbed my hand again. "Wanna collect some shells?"

"What, like we're five?"

"Yeah. Like we're five. Then we can make daisy chains, and drink Orangina at the pub just because it's in the grown-up bottles."

I snorted. "It's in the textured sex toy bottles."

"Will you get your brain out of the gutter for a minute and come help me?"

But I'd done something dirty with a bottle more times than I should admit. It was still sealed, full of pear cider, and on the corner of the label, a scrawling hand had written for my tln xxx

I'm pretty sure he never meant for me to use it like that, but hey, like I once said: I can't fuck anything worse than my--

"Danni!" Esme waved from across the beach, her flip flops dangling from her free hand as the tide swept around her bare feet. The sun spilled in a yellow glow to frame her, and she was like a toffee apple in that moment, all yummy shades of gold and light brown. I'd break her heart in a few weeks...stupid, ungrateful Danni. I deserved everything I got.

"Yeah?" I called.

"Come look over here! I found a crab."

A crab. Riveting. "One sec, baby. I'm coming."

The sand was still wet from the afternoon rain shower, and I had to pull off my own flip flops in case I sank in. It swamped up between my toes as I squelched over to her.

"Reporting for the crustacean ecstasy tour." I did a little mock salute.

"Oh. You're such a meanie."

Half an hour later, the sun sank further towards the cupped hands of the clouds and we had enough shells to make Esme a new skirt (one that wouldn't blow up). We decided to drop them back off at the lodge before strolling down to the pub, where we'd meet my grandparents, great uncle, aunt and cousin. Somewhere between Esme's elation at finding a crab and me mashing her against a rock for wet kisses, I relaxed a bit. Maybe it was the salt-sweet stench of the ocean and its warm water taste in my mouth, or the hot air on my skin, or the tide song. Or laughing with Esme for the first time in weeks. I don't know...something in me cracked and crawled back inside its shell. Left me lighter.

Until we emerged from the stone path and saw the car in front of our lodge.

Parked next to Mom's waste-of-space Nissan was a muddy black Range Rover. I squeezed Esme's hand so hard, I nearly cut the circulation off.

"Jeez, Danni!" She yanked it away, shaking the bl**d back in. "You know I don't like all that rough stuff."

"I...that's not what I meant." His car. His car. HIS CAR, with a stripy surf board on the roof rack. Half of me wanted to bolt back down and throw myself into the sea, and the other half...crap. I couldn't even bring myself to say it, but it probably belonged in a dirty story. The one where the stupid girl got her heart ripped out and stuffed back down her throat, but she was too busy sucking something else to notice.

"You okay, pixie?"

"Course I am," I lied. With every step, we got closer to my big black hole of want and regret, and she didn't have a clue. Not that I wanted her to, of course--if anyone found out, it would be curtains for me (in the words of Captain Hammer: lacy, gently wafting curtains).

"So come on then. Help me get these shells back before they fossilise."

I followed Esme back up the creaking timber stairs and on to the veranda. She fumbled with her key for a second before realising the door was open, and before we even entered, I heard his laugh. It was so frickin' deep and silly, and...oh God. I was falling all over again, the taste of him surging in my mouth.

"Hey." Mom smiled from behind the kitchen counter as we filed in. "You girls been down to the beach? How's it looking?"

"Gorgeous." Esme held up a flat shell with a rainbow sheen. "We got bounty, too."

"Bounty, huh?" He folded his thick, tanned arms, his legs parted as he leaned back on the stool. He wore the same three quarter length shorts, the same surfy t-shirt in sun-bleached colours. His shaggy caramel hair was just a teensy bit longer and he'd tucked it behind his ears. Silver eyes widened at the sight of me, and he didn't even glance down to hide it--I know mine did the same. Every bit of me ached.

"Esme," I croaked, "this is my Uncle Gabe."

TWO

You have to understand that we never meant for it to happen.

We knew it was stupid. We knew it was "wrong." What with me, just eighteen and twelve years younger than him; I was meant to be all head-over-lesbian-heels in love with Esme, but one look at him and my hot guydar bust a fuse. Kind of shameful, when you think about it. And he might have been my estranged uncle, but he was still my uncle.

I gave him my virginity (the non-lesbo version. Esme was still the proud owner of my holy crap, I like girls! moment). Two intense days later, we confessed our love for each other, and for two glorious weeks, he hiked to get phone signal to call me every day, and sent me four beautiful letters. We planned to steal away together ASAP...but it stopped. I guess he panicked. And the fifth letter I received was only five words long: I'm sorry. We just can't. He never wanted me to leave Esme, and maybe he'd known it had to end. I was just a break from reality, a fantasy come alive for three wet, swollen days.

For these reasons, I bet he never thought he'd be sitting there in our holiday lodge...but there he was in all his buff, heart-breaking glory.

"Danni?" Mom put her coffee cup down, frowning. "Are you all right?"

"I...I'm g-good."

"That pleased to see me?" Gabe raised his eyebrows and attempted a smile. Badly feigned sarcasm was so not his strong point.

"I didn't think you came to these sorts of things," I managed to say.

"I don't. But I figured it was time to make good with everybody. Especially since..."

Since he made more than "good" with me?

"...I'm moving away," he finished.

Oh. No shit?

"Where are you moving to?" asked Esme, all perky and interested.

Gabe looked down. Bad sign. "Canada."

"He's got some big shot grant at a college over there," Mom announced. She looked almost proud.

I couldn't stop blinking. "You're moving to Canada?" Like, eleventy billion miles away Canada? Why would anyone do that? Look at the evidence: Celine Dion. Moose (half deer, half donkey. Plain stupid).

"That's right," he said.

"But—but Canada sucks!"

Gabe gave an apologetic shrug. "I have to go where the research takes me. It's part of my job."

Esme wandered over to the freshly-stocked fridge and pulled out a bottle of orange juice. "What do you research?"

"Palaeobiology. It's the--"

"OhmyGod!" Her face lit up; flushed cheeks, flashing white teeth. "I know about that. It'll be part of my course. Do you lecture?"

"I do indeed." He put his hand out to her. "You're Esme, right? Danni told me all about you."

I watched my girlfriend and my ex-lover shake hands and chit-chat, and numbness spread through my limbs. All this pretence, Gabe's casual fakery, this entire scenario—it was like a body drained of bl**d. Pale. Lifeless. Just like the first time I met grown-up him, a sparky ball of hate burned inside, but this time it was for a different reason: betrayal. Because that was what Canada was.

I was meant to be on holiday in Wales—not the frickin' Twilight Zone.

"Danni?" Esme ran cool fingers along my arm. "You ready to head up to the pub?"

"I s'pose, yeah. Just need to change my shoes." I shot Gabe a glance. I just wanted acknowledgement, a nod, anything...but he sat so still that he blurred in my vision.

****

After that, I thought sitting opposite Gabe in the pub would be painful.

I was wrong.

It was excruciating.

I'm not talking like, popping a big spot or stubbing your toe. I'm talking trying to make conversation with your grandma about school and your job and the books you last read, and trying to be all polite and happy, when all the while her son entertains the rest of the table with his surfing stories, and all you can think about is OHMYGODIHADSEXWITHHIM. And then, oh shit...he abandoned me.

Let me remind you, too, that I could not look at Gabe without seeing him naked, no matter how cool and clever his t-shirts were. Which was all his bl**dy fault; he made the first move. I might have been all hot for him, but I'd never been as brazen and fearless as when he leaned in to kiss me that first time.

There would never be another first time, or last time, or anything inbetween. As I sat there trying to be happy girlfriend Danni, the thought silently slaughtered me.

"Danni?"

I glanced up at Taylor, my preppy, Oxford-bound cousin, who performed the impressive feat of adjusting his glasses and smoothing his short hair at the same time. "Mmm?"

"You look how I feel," he said.

"What, bored and awkward?"

He blushed. Oopsie. "Well...yeah, I s'pose. But I meant on edge."

I rolled a bat mat between my fingers. "What have you got to be on edge about?"

"Um. Well." It was quick—I'd have missed it with a blink—but his watery eyes darted towards Esme, who sat chatting to Gabe. "I dunno. Just hate f****y holidays."

And you fancy my girlfriend, you jammy cock.

"You can't possibly hate them more than me."

"No, I do. Mom made me leave my laptop at home and everything."

At that moment, Esme plonked herself back next to me on the bench, and Taylor lowered his eyes.

"I like your uncle," Esme declared, slightly d***k. "He's all dry and funny. You told me he was a dickhead." She spoke just a bit too loudly, even over the buzz of the bar, and Gabe jerked up to eye me. The harder I blushed, the closer his lips twitched to a bemused smile. Bastard.

"That's not what I said."

"Yeah, it is." She grinned at Gabe, all conspiratorial. "You're such a meanie sometimes, Danni."

"Not all the time," Gabe called over, still wearing that strange almost-smile.

I couldn't bare it. I leapt up, ignoring Esme's squeaks, and hurried to the bar where I bought a wet, cold bottle of pear cider. The first mouthful hit my throat in sweet prickles. God...I needed that.

Back at the table, I placed the bottle firmly in the centre of the bar mat and tried to catch Gabe's eye again. Please let him notice that I'm drinking the same as him—our drink—that I'm peeling off the label in little spirals of damp paper, just like he's been doing for the past hour.

Yes, I watched his fingers. I'd been watching them all frickin' evening because I couldn't stop.

But Gabe didn't acknowledge my message in a bottle. That's if he noticed it. I'm not sure he did.

****

Esme knew something was up. I'd done well to fool her this long, I suppose, but now I was practically unravelling, throwing off ripples as I collapsed. When we got home that night, she closed the bedroom door, leaned back against it and folded her arms.

Here it comes, I thought. The serious face.

"You're a liar, Danni Warren," she said quietly.

I edged back, my legs touching the bed. "Um. What?"

"You keep telling me you're okay, but you're not, are you?"

"I...I guess not."

"So what is it? You going to tell me? I can help, you know." Her serious face melted into a concerned smile. The room was dark, just floodlights casting pearly shadows through the window, and it framed her in this inky, iridescent light. "Is it something to do with your uncle? You went all funny as soon as we met him."

Yes, yes it is, darling. He trashed my little heart like he was stubbing out a cigarette. Erm. "Sort of."

"Sort of? What d'you mean?"

"It's kind of hard to explain," I mumbled.

She strode over, took my hand and pulled me down to sit. Then she pressed it into her lap, her cool, soft fingers tracing soothing patterns. "I've got all night, pixie."

"Right. Well. When I visited, he was asking me all these questions about uni and stuff, because he's like, a lecturer."

"Okay," she said.

"And...he made me question stuff a bit. About what I wanted to study, why I was moving away when I'd save money staying at home and things. It made me a bit uncomfortable."

"Oh, Danni." She squeezed my hand. "And now seeing him has brought it back?"

"Yeah. Sorry, that sounds really lame." A really lame lie!

"No, it doesn't. Course not. But I wish you'd just told me, silly." She ran her hand up my arm and rested it on my thigh. Rubbed gently. "Are you really having second thoughts about studying architecture?"

"Yes. No. I don't know, Es." I couldn't look at her.

"It's a long course. And hard. But you've always seemed so sure about it."

"Yeah."

"Well." She inched closer and teased the hair from my face, her lips just inches away. "I wouldn't mind too much if you wanted to ditch and come to Portsmouth with me. There's always clearing. Just think, going to bed together every night..."

Her kiss was warm as ever, her lip gloss sweet and sticky. I'd already had four or five drinks by that point and felt dizzy, listless...horny. If she wanted to make me feel better like this, I wasn't about to say no.

Esme, out of the bedroom, was kind of passive. Girly and chirpy and cute, just like her choppy, chin-length hairstyle. When we took off our clothes though, she was always the leader. So when she nudged me on to my back, eased my dress up and straddled my thighs, I fell back with a pleased little sigh and smiled as she pressed her crotch to mine. There were two layers of knickers between us, but I could already feel the heat of her pussy. She always got so wet for me.

"Ahem." I tugged up the bottom of her t-shirt, and she giggled as she obeyed. Two dark little nipples spilled forth and I bent up to suck them.

"Ah, Danni..." She raked her fingernails through my hair, over the nerve endings hidden on my scalp. Her breasts were only small, but they were firm too, and perfect for circling with my thumbs as I sucked her. Plus it meant I never had to fiddle around, trying to get her bra off (no, not even lesbians manage that gracefully).

Soon, our clothes were heaped on the wooden floor and we lay in just our knickers, with her mouth on my belly. Esme was ever seduced by the flat expanse of skin there and liked to write pretty words with her tongue. Pixie, she licked, her fingers teasing my inner thighs. Love you. Gorgeous. In a few short minutes, she'd push her tongue into my pussy and I needed that pressure so much, I bucked up to chase it.

Until, that was, she slid my underwear down my legs, and lying there all exposed for Esme, I randomly thought of him.

The first time Gabe saw my bare pussy, he stared. Then he told me how open and ready I looked. Esme's pussy looked like that sometimes, but I never really understood it all until he had me. The swollen lips shaped like a surprised rosebud of a mouth; the plump, dark clit, her sticky sheen; this is how a girl's pussy looks when she's desperate to be fucked. And God help me, I was.

Esme breathed over my clit before she licked it. I usually loved the way she teased, but now I'd been flung miles away, and forgot the girl who pleasured me. The lines of his letters came floating back, and as I heard his deep voice say the words, I moaned.

"Danni," Esme mumbled into my flesh. "Your mum. Shh."

"I...ah...know...sorry..." I pushed my pussy back up to her mouth, and she laved me eagerly, pleased by the soft little sounds I made.

All I can think about is the way you made me feel. I was so in the moment, Danni. Every single fucking moment—we owned them, you and me.

Yes. Like that. I liked these moments with my clit in this wet, sucking mouth. Please--

I know we were supposed to feel connected, but it was different for us. Elevated. Special. The wrong kind of connection, the kind where I couldn't take my eyes off you...why did it have to feel so damn good?

I remembered the way he watched me. The prickles down my spine at the spread of his filthy grin. A connection, yes, like the orgasm beginning to work its way through the walls of my pussy.

"Please, baby." I panted as she eased her fingers in. Esme always stroked, never fucked. God, why couldn't she just fuck me? Why couldn't she be more f***eful with her circling tongue, the way he was?

When I go to bed, I think about how we fucked here before we passed out. When I wake up, I think of how you wrapped yourself around me in the morning, and sighed and came on me while the sun rose in the window. Jesus, I miss you.

Esme took note of my bucking hips and worked her fingers harder. I contracted around them now, coated them in clear, slippery want.

I want to come see you. No, scrap that. I'm driving up on Tuesday. We'll book a hotel. I'll have you seven different ways and you have to promise to laugh lots, because I need to hear your dirty laugh.

Her cheek was wet as she rested it on my inner thigh, as she watched her fingers plunge into me. Esme always withdrew for a moment when she knew I was ready to come; then her mouth returned to work my clit again, and my breaths turned to gasps, aches turned to throbs and tugs and fires. I came with my hands fisted into her hair, my pussy tight around her fingers, my mouth full of badly-stifled yelps, and my brain...full of Gabe.

Miss Warren. Just shut up and let me fuck you.

The comedown hit. I sucked in the air, and Esme trailed little patterns over my thighs with her damp fingertips. Wordlessly, she inched up the bed until she straddled my face, and I bit her pussy lips gently through her knickers. She liked to keep them on in this position, loved the sweet friction of wet lace; I simply pushed them aside. A few months ago, I used to pull her down on to my mouth like this and get utterly lost in the swelling tide of her flesh. Immerse myself in the salt-sweet scent of her. Tonight, it just wasn't happening.

She rode the lies on my tongue anyway, oblivious in her grip on the headboard and the practised skill of her jaded girl.

****

Pale moonlight. Silver shadows on our pillows. Esme's hair thrown across like melted gold, her breasts rising and falling in the soft undulations of sl**p.

I wasn't quite so lucky.

The knowledge that he lay a few rooms away was surreal, d***ken, exhilarating and devastating. I wanted to burst through his door and clobber him over the head with a frickin' pear cider bottle. How dare he just show up after everything? How dare he?

An hour passed. Minutes and pixels melted away on my phone's time display. In the end, I couldn't stand it—I had to catch him while the house was quiet. Get some answers.

I pulled my dress pack on, closed the door behind me and padded down the little corridor to Gabe's bedroom. A soft knock didn't elicit a response.

"Gabe?" I stage-whispered. "You there?"

Still nothing. Gah, was I really going to do this? My fingers were already closing around the door handle, so yeah, I s'pose I was.

His bed was empty. I grew the balls to come find him, and he had the nerve to not be there.

I started at his neatly-made bed, and swallowed hard. We'd all returned from the pub hours ago. It was two o'clock in the morning. It occurred to me for a second that he might have skipped out on us, especially after the awkwardness at the bar, but before my pulse could break through the skin of my wrists, I spotted his battered old suitcase in a corner and his watch on the bedside table.

Well, thank God for that.

But I had to find him, had to talk to him. I hurried back to slip on my flip flops and cardigan, careful not to wake Esme (though the girl slept like a log. Anyone would think I came roofies). The floorboards creaked as I checked the living area: no luck. His car was still in the drive. Maybe he went back to the pub...?

Holy crap. Maybe he went back to go home with someone else. Acid stung in the back of my throat. Surely, he wasn't that crass. All those ours in his arms, in his bed, on the beach--

I knew exactly where he'd be. Of course I did. I knew Gabe better than anyone here.

As I hurried down the stone path, my steps made coarse grating sounds that panicked me after the quiet of the lodge. The night had turned chilly, and I wrapped my arms around my body, let my hair blow around my neck. All the while. I panicked that I was wrong, that he wouldn't be there, and that Esme would wake up and think I'd gone batshit; the low-slung moon and its eerie white spill didn't help, either. Just made the whole journey ominous and foreboding, like I was the unwitting victim in an episode of Buffy.

I blinked once, twice: no, I saw right. A shadow sat hunched on the rock where I'd kissed Esme earlier. It was probably even colder down by the rising tide, but he wore only his shorts and t-shirt. The wind blew his mop of hair about and his profile was startling and perfect against the inky backdrop: gorgeous man, deep in thought.

Bastard.

I sk**ded on a bit of seaweed, and he jerked up to see what the noise was. When he caught sight of me, that vague smile returned, as if he knew I'd come. Like he was just waiting.

"Hey," he said.

I stumbled over to him, still brushing the sand off my cold, bare legs. I stopped a foot away; seemed safest. "Hey."

"Fancy seeing you here."

"I could say the same to you." I wouldn't cry. No, no. Jesus, Danni—hold yourself together! I could barely keep the screeches in: you lying ball sack of a--

"Yeah." He shrugged, unusually robotic. "I'm sorry about that. I'm...I'm sorry about everything."

"Like, for abandoning me?"

"Oh God. Danni." He crumpled back in on himself, his arms around his torso and his eyes pinned to the sand. "Yes. But...no. I'm sorry for being selfish. For encouraging you, leading you on. For the phone calls and the letters. We can never have anything like that—it just wouldn't be right, would it?" His voice cracked. "I'm sorry I couldn't let you go."

Ah, it was no good. A tear escaped, already cold as it hit my cheek. "It doesn't matter, I don't care--"

"You don't care? God, do you have any idea what your mum would do if she found out? She'd fucking crucify the pair of us!"

He was right. With him here, this holiday was a cruel parody of what we might have: clandestine meetings, pretending to dislike each other in front of the f****y. Being separated by just a few inches that morphed into a roaring pit of despair, and all because we couldn't hold hands when we felt like it.

"She doesn't have to find out. Nobody does," I insisted. No matter how sharp these truths were, standing here beside him with the crash of waves in my ears, I felt better than I had for weeks. Better and crushed and worse.

"We can't go through life like that." He sighed, kicked a stone. Turned back to me. "I was cruel to come here and drop Canada on you like this, I know."

"You meant to be cruel," I said, coldly. "You think it's the best way to be kind to me. Like I'm a pet you put down."

"Don't be ridiculous."

"I'm right. You're just here to make a point about how miserable we'd be."

"You're making it sound more twisted than it is."

"We are twisted!" I balled my fists. "But we were happy! I know it was only a few days and a few letters, but we were both so, so happy, Gabe."

Even now, when everything was going to crap, his features lifted when I said his name.

"Esme's something. You're lucky, trouble. You've got a bright, pretty girlfriend waiting in that bed for you—I'm your uncle. What the fuck are you doing down here?"

I sniffed. "Because I love you," I whispered. "And you can't blame me for saying that, you can't. You were the one who said it first."

"I know." He stood, still leaning against the rock, and beckoned with a finger. His brows lurched inward, and he bit his lip in defeat. "Come here."

One minute I shivered, and the next, I fell against his hard body and buried my face into his shoulder. He smelled like leaves and beer and the sea.

"You're going so far away, and we've got a whole week where we can meet up like this." I looked up at him. "Give me this week, Gabe. Please."

"Heh. I remember when it was me trying to coerce you."

"I told you. It's all your fault."

Gabe's hands worked their way along my back, and he shaped his palms around my buttocks to mash my belly against the erection suddenly straining his shorts.

"Did you really think I'd abandoned you?"

"You stopped calling and texting and writing. It was like suddenly, we never happened."

"I still thought about you every minute of every fucking day." He dropped his cool forehead to rest against mine. "I'm still in love with you. I haven't stopped. I just wised up and decided to do what was best for both of us."

Still in love with you. Without thinking, I moved my hips gently against his, rubbing his cock into my stomach.

"Baby," he murmured. "Don't."

"You're going to Canada because of me," I said, cautious. "You're just running away, like you did to Devon to get away from the f****y."

He squeezed my ass tighter. "Something like that."

"Well, stop it! Act your fucking age!"

His mouth fell on mine like smack, bang, crackle, pop. Pear cider kisses—I missed these, missed his curious tongue and the will of his f***eful hands. His lips had been curved around bottles of the stuff all night long, and mine...mine had been on Esme.

"Were you with her?" he said, panting. "Tonight?"

"Yeah." Please don't hate me.

"You know, when you were staying with me, the thought of you fucking a girl was kind of hot," he confessed. "Now that I've met her, I...Christ. I never expected to be jealous."

"But you are?"

"Yeah." He kissed me again, ravenous. "I mean, don't get me wrong, she's a lovely girl...but I was sitting there in the kitchen and all I could think was, can't she tell?"

Despite everything, I beamed up at him. These horrible things I felt, he'd been feeling them too all along. I worried that we barely knew each other, that it hadn't been long enough, that everything we felt was somehow false—but no. He was right: we had an amazing connection.

"She doesn't know a thing," I whispered. "Well. She could tell I was upset about something, but I made up some stuff about you making me uncertain about my uni choices."

"Ah, Danni. I know I told you to stay with her, but you can't keep telling her lies."

"I know it's not fair. I'm just...I'm waiting until we go to uni. Until she sees this different life she could have. It'll soften the blow, right? So yeah. Waiting." I kissed his throat. "Unless somebody gives me a reason not to."

"I wish I could, but I can't."

"So how come you're still trying to push your cock into me?" I grinned. He was unbelievably hard, and though I'd only come a few hours ago, my clit throbbed in response. Got ready for him. "Maybe I should take care of you. On my knees."

I went to kneel, but he caught me. "No. Not here, trouble--"

"But I can? We can be together this week, really?"

"I..." He put a hand over his eyes. "I need to think about it."

"You don't want me?"

"Of course I do. But come on—we've already done all this once. You really want to go through it again?"

"Yeah." The word just crashed out. "Let me make some memories with you. Please. I need them." In a fit of lust and hope, I tried dragging his hand down between my thighs, but he groaned and tugged it away.

"Let me think about it. I'm not sure I can write that letter again, Danni."

He was already broken, really—he just needed a little push, and I could give him that. Seduce him. Back at his little cabin, he'd wanted me so badly that I'd barely needed to smile before he pinned me, defenceless.

My skin tingling with new-found bravery, I stood on tiptoe to whisper in his ear. "Then I guess I'll go back to get into bed with my girlfriend. My naked girlfriend."

"Good," he retorted.

"And if you hear any little sounds in the morning...you know the ones I'm talking about...it's probably because her fingers are inside me."

Gabe said nothing, but he took three gulps of sea air in very quick succession.

"Maybe you can come watch us rub sun lotion on each other tomorrow. We'll be down here, on the beach. In our little bikinis. You've never seen me in one of those, huh?"

"I'm warning you, Danni." He swallowed again and dropped his grasp of my ass. His hands lingered lightly on my hips. "Behave yourself."

"Oh? So now I'm not allowed to make love with my girlfriend and then tell you all about it?"

"Danni!" He laughed, but there was a sadness to it, like the undertow that sucks unwitting swimmers beneath the waves. "Please. You really don't need to do this. My balls are blue enough."

I pouted.

"And no, I don't need to hear about you and Esme." He brushed a little kiss to my lips. "The only people I know who make love are pensioners, and prissy vanilla girls with their sad sack boyfriends. We fuck, Danni." Another kiss, his mouth open this time. His tongue warm. "You get fucked. I fuck you."

I ran my palm down his erection, and he pushed right into it. "With this."

"Keep that up and I could come right now, you know," he murmured.

As much as I longed to let him, I snatched my hand away. Baha. Bastard. See how you like it.

"I need to think about whether that's a good idea," I teased.

He groaned again. "I've created a monster."

"So...so where do we go from here? What now?"

"Well." He tucked wind-whipped hair behind my ear. "Let me sl**p on this--"

"Looks kinda painful."

"Not my cock, you retard. The decision."

"I love it when you get all ranty."

"Yeah. I noticed." He sighed. "Look, Danni. Tomorrow night, same time. If I'm here, I'm up for it, and if I'm not...well. I'm sorry."

He'll be here. I had a sinking feeling those three words were about to be my mantra for the next twenty-four hours.

"Okay. I can cope with that."

But I wasn't okay, and not even the slow depth of his goodnight kiss could soothe me. sl**p wouldn't come since he stopped sending letters, and the night stretched before me, restless and bleak.

THREE

Excitement eviscerated everything (and turned me into an alliterative asshat).

Esme didn't know what the hell to do with me. Unable to sl**p, I was out of bed at seven to make pancakes, dancing around the kitchen to the radio as I went. There may have been humming. Humming without shame. When she sloped through an hour later in her shortie pyjamas, the bemused look on her face was comical.

"Danni? Why aren't you, like, in bed?"

"Because I was hungry. Look." I used the fish slice to gesture to my golden heap of pancake awesome. "I'm amazing." Then I did a little shimmy, and pretended to fight off a hoard of ninjas with my utensil of doom.

"Um, pixie?"

"Yeah?"

"Are you...bi?"

What the very fuck? What? Did I have uncle fucker emblazoned across my forehead in ultraviolet sperm? A shiver of panic shot down my spine. I froze.

"You know." Esme frowned. "Like, bipolar."

"Oh." I laughed, way too hard. "No. I'm just...in a holiday mood."

"Well. For future reference: holidays are for lying in 'til lunchtime and lots of lazy sex. Okay?"

"Sounds like a plan," Gabe said from the doorway. The blue and black wetsuit, still damp, clung to every cut line of his body. His surf-flushed cheeks turned to apples as he smiled.

Esme blushed hard enough to burst a bl**d vessel. Yesterday, I would have winced over this; today, I burst out laughing.

"It's okay, Esme," Gabe said. "I promise not to tell Danni's mother."

"I think she knows what we get up to," I said. "Whether she'd admit it or not."

Esme just padded over and dropped her forehead against my shoulder with a whimper of mortification. I rubbed her back with the fish slice. From the doorway, Gabe shrugged and then shot me one of his naughty little half-smiles. I dropped my gaze to where his cock made a heap of taut flesh beneath his wetsuit, and silently pressed my thighs together.

"Do you want some pancakes?" I managed to say.

"In a bit, trouble. Best go get changed." He cleared his throat. "I'll leave you girls to it." The floorboards creaked as he strode down the hall in bare, sandy feet.

"Is he gone yet?" Esme whispered.

"The coast is clear." I ruffled her hair as she rose. "You're an idiot."

"I am not. That was completely cringeworthy."

"Why?" You want cringeworthy, Esme? Try fucking your uncle and then having to keep it a secret from your girlfri—or, er, something a little less far fetched. Ahem.

"Because I was talking about sex, and he's...a guy."

I ladled another load of batter into the hot pan. The oil fizzed with delight as it hit. "Is this one of those unwritten lesbian rules that I don't get?"

"No, but..." She chewed a strand of hair for a second, then tossed it back out of her mouth. "All they think when they hear lesbians talk about sex is, hot. We don't like boys—we're not supposed to get them off." She folded her arms. "It shouldn't be allowed."

"I'm pretty sure you can't dictate to people what should turn them on."

She stood behind me at the stove, dropping kisses on my bare shoulder. "I don't make love to you just so some dude can wank over it, pixie."

Make love. God. If she could only have heard Gabe last night—you get fucked. I fuck you—she'd be livid.

I coughed, batting the smoke away from the pan. "And that's why we close the door. Es." I reached around to pat her hip. "You're thinking about this too hard."

"Pfft. You just watch Taylor today. Last night, he practically twitched every time I touched you."

I was about to add that's because he fancies you, but it wouldn't have exactly supported my case.

"Es." I flipped a pancake with a jerk of my wrist. "Have breakfast. Have a shower. Put on something that shows off your arse for me. We're having a nice day, whether you like it or not."

"Ooh. I love it when you get all bossy."

****

Welsh beaches are underrated. People forgot that Anglesey was there until Prince William and his bit of stuff moved here for his RAF placement, and then everyone pretended to know it was cool. Cool, it was most definitely not. But there was soft sand, huge, old trees and sparkly waves, and for those reasons, I forgave the stripy old deckchairs and single shitty café.

To be honest, a few months ago, I probably wouldn't have noticed the trees, but since Gabe and his sickening enviro-enthusiasm took a hold of me, I couldn't escape the majesty of branches swept out against the sky. They reminded me of a warm afternoon in his cabin garden, lying naked on the grass while he--

"Hola." Taylor dumped his towel on the sand next to me and Esme. He had a dark lens clip over his glasses and wore short, sporty swimming trunks.

Esme glanced up from her thriller novel and I saw her brows dip. "Um...hi."

"You girls don't mind if I sit with you, right? 'Cause the alternative is hiking with my mom and your mom. And we all know that would suck."

"It would indeed." I glanced at Esme, who gave a tiny, annoyed shrug. "Sit away."

"Cool. Thanks." He shook out his Transformers towel and yanked a fat fantasy novel from his tatty rucksack. "Hey, we're like the book brigade."

"Danni's doesn't count as a book," Esme said. "It's too dull."

I pulled my beloved copy of Why Architecture Matters back into my chest. "It's not dull, Es. It's all about arranging neighbourhoods and sociology and stuff. Architecture isn't just about bricks, you know. And you love my sexy brain."

"I could play some music on my phone, if you girls want," he said. "I've got Kings of Leon, or Paolo Nutini, or the Foos."

"I like listening to the sea." Esme wriggled around, her belly flat against the sand and her chin resting in her palm.

"Oh. Okay then." Taylor nodded and fiddled with his glasses again. I knew he was checking out Esme's tits—they fell in little heaps to squash against the sand, but her purple string bikini pulled them up to a perfect angle. If he shifted around a little more, he'd probably get a hint of dark nipple.

We fell into semi-awkward silence. The sun baked us, the breeze teased our book pages, and Taylor cleared his throat loudly way too often. I shouldn't have been so annoyed by him, really—he came across as smug and nerdy, but he didn't mean to. We'd been best friends when we were little, both only c***dren of the same age. Mom and Aunt Lizzie still had photos of Taylor and I as chubby cherubs, playing in sandpits and sharing baths. There was one of us on the kitchen wall at home with our faces covered in chocolate at Easter. I don't know what happened, but we hit our early teens and kind of just grew apart. I mean, who wants to play World of frickin' Warcraft all afternoon when you can...well. Do anything else?

"Hey. Taylor." Esme hauled herself up. "There's Gabe—you should go join him."

Taylor's face fell. "I should?"

"Yeah. You can, like, do bloke stuff. Or something."

I heard the drag of his surf board over the sand, and I knew he'd arrived before Esme did. Ah, Gabe in a wetsuit: like somebody put muscle and tanned skin and cocky gorgeousness into a bowl, stirred, and stuffed it into the fabric. I loved the way the corners of his eyes crinkled in the sunshine; it lifted his whole face, and he looked just the right amount of older (I'm eighteen, so I'm probably the only one who knows what that means).

"Didn't he already go surfing today?" said Taylor.

"What, there's a limit?" I rolled my eyes at him.

"Get him to teach you." Esme pinned her book to the sand as the breeze ruffled the pages again. "If he can teach Danni to surf, he can teach anybody."

I leaned over her, my fingers toying with her bikini top ties. "I think what Es is trying to say, is that she wants some privacy to ravish me."

"Oh." He coughed, hauling himself up. "Oh. Sorry."

"I was joking, you twit." I grinned at him. "But yeah. Alone time. Girl time."

He shot me a thin-lipped, apologetic smile before trawling off towards Gabe, who'd already put his surfboard against the rocks and was checking out the waves.

"Nice save, pixie." Esme rolled over and rested on her elbows. "He creeps me out."

"He just thinks you're hot." I dropped a kiss on her arm. "Because you are."

She craned her neck to look back at Taylor and Gabe. "They're not allowed to think I'm hot."

I laughed. "We went over this earlier."

She tutted, but rolled on to her side to push up against me. Snuggled together, we carried on reading, pausing occasionally to sip water.

The best thing about sunglasses is that nobody knows what you're looking at. This meant I could stare at Gabe as long as I liked, and Esme didn't have to know about it. He stood propped up against his surfboard with his arms folded, chatting away to Taylor. Next to each other, it became apparent how similar their builds were; Gabe was thicker, sturdier, but when the hell did Taylor fill out like that?

Two soft, warm hands gripped my shoulders and dragged me down to lie on my side. Esme caught my bottom lip between her teeth and sucked gently. I mewed in surprise.

"Fuck it," she whispered. "I've had enough. Reverse psychology—let's just give them the show they're after, and then maybe they'll stop staring."

"Oh." Oh. We shed our sunglasses and with them, our inhibitions.

Esme ran a hand up my inner thigh and cupped my pussy through the spotty blue bikini bottoms. She loved to touch me there when we kissed—a gesture of ownership—though only in private. But if she was going to touch me like this, I'd let her think the guys stared because we were lesbians...not because Taylor just wanted to screw her and Gabe wanted to screw me.

Our kisses deepened. Esme's nipples grew stiff against mine, and she made soft little sighs of pleasure as I pushed my thigh up between her legs. I couldn't see, but I knew Gabe was watching. And jealous. Maybe I should've felt like I was betraying Esme, but I didn't. I felt like I betrayed him. I'm warning you, Danni. Behave yourself. Even then, with this cute girl's tongue in my mouth and her feathery strokes over my bikini-clad pussy, I heard the way his voice dropped to say that...and I whimpered.

"Pixie." She panted warm air against my collarbone. "I need to stop."

"Aww. And we were performing so well."

She stilled her bucking hips. "If I keep riding your thigh like this, I'm gonna come...and I'm not...I can't..."

"Not in front of them."

"No. It's too much."

I kissed her again. "I'll make it up to you later, you big attention whore."

"Shush, you."

"Oh, crap." I peeled myself away from her, sitting up. "They're coming over."

"What?" She glanced around and groaned. "They'd best not be after joining in!"

Turned out Gabe had a you're-in-trouble stare just like Mom's. Must've been genetic. To anyone else, he was just squinting under the bright sun, but I knew that look. God. How much had I pissed him off? He'd still be here waiting for me tonight, right...?

"Not surfing?" said Esme.

"Waves are a bit rubbish. We thought we'd come see what you were up to." Gabe glanced at me. "If that's okay." He plonked himself down on Taylor's towel, his carrier bag landing beside him in a crunch of glass-on-glass. "I brought goodies."

Taylor followed him down to the sand, grinning. "He brought beer."

"You were going to surf d***k?" I said, incredulous. And slightly worried. After last night, I knew he was unhappy, but...

"I was not." He pouted. "Well. One never hurts."

Taylor dug around in the bag and pulled out bottles of cider. "You girls want?"

Esme swallowed, as if to voice her disapproval. She was such a goody two-shoes sometimes. I knew I shouldn't, but the bottles were damp with cold, and it was so frickin' warm...

"Esme will have one," Gabe said, reaching for the bottle opener. "Won't you?"

"I—uh--" She didn't want to refuse him. Him and his annoyingly useful charm. "Why not?"

Taylor took the opener and twisted lids off for all of us. We sat in the sun with the cool glass bottles against our foreheads. The chilled fizz of the cider coated my tongue, sweet and fresh and heady. Taylor must have relaxed a bit because he only looked at Esme's chest once, and that was when I brushed the sand off her left breast. I didn't even think, it was just reflexive—but then Gabe's behave-yourself glare returned in a flash of jealous warning, and I recoiled into my towel.

"This is more like it, eh?" said Taylor.

"I suppose my book was getting a bit abusive of the third person narrative." Esme nudged the paperback now splayed on the sand. "Crappy plot, too."

Taylor choked on his cider. Esme purring third person narrative nearly melted him into a sticky, wasp-seducing puddle of boy fudge. Baha.

"You like that stuff?" he said, awed.

"You mean books?"

"I mean, English. Literature. Criticism, pulling things apart and getting the ideas and just--" He clasped his hands together as if trying to smother an invisible fairy.

"He means, he's a book geek. And apparently so are you," I said.

"Oh." Esme shrugged. "A bit, maybe." She wouldn't give him the pleasure of any more words than she had to. I'd have laughed if it didn't feel mean.

"Taylor would choose books over girlfriends," I teased. "In fact I think he did, once."

"I was eleven!" he protested.

Gabe laughed, deep and throaty. "Tell me it wasn't for a copy of The Hardy Boys."

"Like I'd read that steaming heap. We were here, actually. On holiday. I was talking to this girl I'd met, and were were--" He did quotation marks with his fingers, "going out. We were just chatting and stuff—"

"And holding hands," I supplied.

"And holding hands." Taylor half-smiled. "Anyway, we were on this rock, standing up to watch these birds make a pattern in the sky or something gay like that. We lost our balance and she went head-first into the sea."

Esme frowned. "Gosh. You got her out, right?"

"I dropped a****l Farm into the water at the same time. I had about five seconds to choose, and..." He paused, sighing with shame. "I went after the book."

We split into factions immediately: Esme with her open mouth, and her disgust that mirrored Taylor's; Gabe and I, trying to stem our dirty chuckles.

"That's legendary," said Gabe, clutching his wet-suited self.

"It's horrible!" Esme cried.

I shook my head. "You weren't there. It was hilarious. And the water wasn't deep or anything--she was okay."

Taylor took another gulp of beer to avoid Esme's accusing eyes. "She did cry. Only time I ever made a girl cry, and it was over a book."

"I've never made a girl cry," said Esme, sharing a secret little smile with me.

I'd done it to her. I stood her up not long ago, left her hanging on the end of an empty Facebook conversation because a certain someone called to say three painful, beautiful words. Someone like--

Gabe cleared his throat. "Oh, I've done it. Here as well. Just like Tay."

"Go on then," said Taylor. "Can't be worse than what I did."

"Well." He re-adjusted himself, sitting cross-legged, and the glare of the sun fused around his profile to cast a fuzzy glow. "Back then, mom and dad used to come up in the weeks before Easter because it was cheaper. Definitely wasn't beach weather, so they took us looking for crabs and plants and stuff—we'd be here in our wellies and knitted jumpers."

"Sexy," said Taylor.

"You bet. Anyway. Used to fall around Earth Day, and the local conservation group always had events on and things. I made friends with this Welsh girl—her dad ran the group—and every year, we'd have a kind of thing going on. Our parents teased us something rotten. I hit thirteen though and I'd never even kissed her, despite knowing her for years. One night, we all got together for this newt spotting thing--"

"Newt spotting?" I snorted. "How romantic."

Gabe winced. "Precisely."

"Oh, I don't know," Esme said. "Newts are kind of cute."

"The attractiveness of newts aside, we were all hunched up in sl**ping bags, waiting for these newts to come out. Our parents were getting squiffy, and they'd let us have one beer each. She didn't even like it—she was just taking tiny sips, pretending. Our parents really ramped up the teasing. They were like, go on, just give her a kiss. Don't be scared. And be a man, go in for the kill. It seriously got to me. I should have just laughed it off, but I got so wound up about it that I ended up shouting I don't bl**dy want to kiss her!" Gabe put his face in his hands, and now Taylor was the only one tittering.

"I can see how that'd make someone cry," Esme said. "It's bad enough when you're older, but when you're thirteen..."

"Well. Yeah." Gabe sighed. "She was mortified. I was mortified. I did cry too, actually, but not until much later when we got back to the lodge—because I really did want to kiss her, but she'd never have believed it after that. And there was no way I was doing it in front of our parents, anyway."

I wrapped my arms around my knees. "That's the most cringe-worthy thing I've heard in a long time."

Gabe gave a bitter little laugh. "Yeah. Fucking Earth Day."

Taylor nodded. "Fucking newts."

"So was that the only time, Gabe?" Esme said, her eyes wide and curious. "Or have you repeatedly yelled obscene things at girls you fancied?"

"What, you mean, did I make any more girls cry? I was a moronic teenage boy. Of course I did."

"But not recently," she teased.

It was probably just me. Had to be. But in that moment, it felt like the clouds blotted out the sun and the wind turned cold.

"Recently?" Gabe's eyes narrowed, and just like last time, it wasn't because of the bright light. His silver-grey pupils focussed on me as they dilated, stretched by an oily gleam of guilt and desire. "Now that would be telling."

FOUR

I don't experience emotions in the same order as other people. I'm fucked that way, really. If I was a normal person, when Gabe went all possessive on my ass earlier and started making me feel bad for touching my girlfriend, my first reaction would have been anger—full on, hell-hath-no-fury, bitch please rage. He abandoned me. Blanked me. Cut me off. How dare he try to twist all that to his advantage?

But I didn't feel that way. It didn't even occur to me to be angry until we were making dinner; when I kissed Esme's shoulder, he cleared his throat so loudly, you'd think he was auditioning for a Listerine ad. No, instead, I spent the entire afternoon guilty for making him feel bad. All I knew was that if he'd turned up with someone else and put on that little peep show on the beach, I'd be glued together with nothing but snot and tears.

So while Esme sliced chicken and peppers and wittered on about the sex appeal of newts (I may have that wrong), my thought process went something like this:

oh god he looks miserable

chicken smells good. Smoked paprika?

No, he really does look miserable

WELL MAYBE THAT'S HIS OWN FUCKING FAULT

Can't stand it, need to touch him, even if he is a prick

I mean, I'm a prick too when you think abou--

ooh, is that Esme's nipple?

Who has better nipples, Esme or Gabe?

Esme's are more ethical, they would never leave me out for the wolves like a frickin' Chinese baby girl

Not like HIM

How dare he look at me like I'm murdering a puppy every time I touch my girlfriend?

And what the hell is up with all the cider he's drinking anyway?

Chicken DOES smell good. Needs garlic though

Oh god I've turned him into an alcoholic

And I love him I love him I love him

also I HATE HIM

ARGH

"Danni? Are you all right?" Mom peered at me over her glass of wine, from her perch at the kitchen island. "You've gone awfully quiet."

"I'm fine," I snapped.

"You caught the sun, pixie," said Esme, frowning at me in the avalanche of pink sunset that crashed through the kitchen window. "Let me go get the cocoa butter."

Behind her, Gabe, who sat in an easy chair with a surfing magazine, shook his head at me. No, he mouthed. He didn't want to see Esme touch me like that.

But what the hell did he expect me to do? He left for Canada in a week. I was supposed to throw the towel in with Esme here and now, was I? What a wonderful holibobs we'd all have then.

"I said, I'm fine." I sighed. "I'm off for a shower."

Esme gestured to the wok. "But dinner--"

"Not hungry. I'll have some later."

This was turning into my weekend with Gabe all over again—my only escape was the bathroom. Worse, I had even more shame and confusion to wash off than I did back then, and no amount of scrubbing and lemony soap would do it. I rinsed the nervous sweat from the back of my neck three times but I could still feel it there, prickling, goading. Make your mind up, it sneered. Like I even had a choice to make—I knew Esme wasn't The One, but Gabe would be on a plane this time next week. How was any of that fair?

I won't lie. Since my twilight tryst with Gabe, I'd been hot as hell. Aching for fingers, tongue, cock, something. Esme's little performance on the beach didn't help, but even then, it was just that—a performance. If Gabe had touched me like that down on the sand, every moan and stroke would have been real.

We had no plans tonight. Esme wanted to watch a film, which was basically her code phrase for sex. I couldn't take any more of her gentle pseudo fuckery, not when I knew Gabe would be sweating it out in the next room, wishing I came for him instead. And I wanted that, only that—to come for him. I was practically counting the minutes until I could sneak out and find him against the rocks, peel his shorts down, take him in my fist...

I did what bad girls do with the shower head. I teased my nipples with the liquid fingers, swirled over my belly, then brought it down to massage my swollen bulge of a clit. Then I fell back against the cool tiles, my skin sticking to the porcelain, and rocked my hips up to the spurting contraption of a lover. My pussy pulled in, out, in, preparing for later when I'd squeeze down on him the way he liked it, and I got closer...and closer...closer...and...what the fuck was wrong with me? The orgasm just wouldn't come. I couldn't come.

Nada. Zilch. Just as I reached the peak, every scrap of pleasure fell away and my clit turned raw and numb. Marvellous, really. Of all the places the karma bus decides to stop...my girl parts? Sob.

And then Esme banged on the door, all concerned because I'd been ages, all pissed because Taylor had turned up uninvited for dinner (bless the k**. He just wanted company of his own age). I pissed her off even more for inviting him to stay, but I didn't have the heart to kick him out, and besides—he was a good excuse to avoid the girl sex. Maybe by saving my orgasm for Gabe, I could make up for the discomfort I'd caused him all day.

You can probably guess how our little ménage a trois went that evening. Esme wanted to watch one of her subtitled foreign monstrosities; normally, I vetoed them straight away and she giggled and let me have my way, but tonight she was just plain difficult because of Taylor. He was civil—said he didn't mind what we watched—and it annoyed her no end. We settled on a terrible, tasteless comedy that made none of us laugh, and Esme made excuses for bed before the end.

"Come with me, pixie," she hissed, shoving her elbow into my ribs.

"I should see Taylor out."

She rolled her eyes. "He's been looking down my top all night."

"He's still my cousin." I shrugged. "You go ahead. I'll be there in ten, promise."

With a melodramatic sigh, Esme huffed down to our bedroom in little sweeps of socked feet. Taylor waited for the door to swing closed and then leaned forward on his elbows.

"She hates me, doesn't she?"

"Um." I gulped. "I wouldn't say that."

"She makes all these little comments like I'm beneath her, or something. Is...is it a lesbian thing? Am I allowed to say that? Does she have issues with guys?"

He looked so awkward that I wanted to laugh, but that would have been unfair. "I'm not sure what it is, exactly. I mean...yeah, she seems sensitive about men right now." I paused, pursing my lips. "And she thinks you perv on her all the time."

His cheeks flushed, and he slapped them with flat palms. "I do not! Well, not that much. I can't help it—she wears these little vests with no bra, and her boobs are just there."

Couldn't help it this time. I did laugh, and even though I tried to turn it into a cough, I failed miserably.

"So ladylike," said Taylor, trying not to lapse into guffaws himself. "So how can I become an honorary girl this week? Because that's what I need to do, right?"

"There's a special ceremony where we cut off your penis and feed it to crabs."

"Hardy ha ha."

"Taylor." I hauled myself up to get another Coke from the fridge (needed to stay awake for two hours yet before Gabe). "If it was up to me, you'd be cool. But I think Esme thought it was going to be me and her on this holiday, and she's feeling a bit..."

"Pouty?"

I laughed again. "Something like that. You want another drink?"

"I dunno, aren't you going to bed in a minute?"

I glanced up at the clock. If I went in now, Esme would whinge for a while and then try to go down on me. I wanted neither of those things, and catching up with Taylor was kind of nice. "Nah. I'm going to let her cool off first."

"Then yeah. Beer please."

I cracked the lid off a Budweiser, pressed it into his hand, and perched next to him on the beat-up sofa. "So you not doing blokey things with Uncle Gabe?"

He snorted. "Yeah, right. Everyone knows he's weird, Danni."

"Weird like, how?"

"Like he never comes to f****y things. I haven't seen him since I was about ten, and now here he is, all hey, I'm an awesome surfer dude, watch me pose in my wetsuit and flirt with the beach ladies."

I froze. "What ladies?"

"Oh, I dunno. He just looks like the type."

Thank God for that. "I suppose."

"I mean, he's okay to talk to and that...until he gets on to all that eco crap, anyway. I'm not into that. I've tried, I just..."

"You have no conscience." I grinned.

"I have no conscience. I'm a selfish twat," he agreed.

"Soon to be a selfish, smarmy Oxford twat."

He tucked his glasses back up his nose. "Oh, like you can talk, Miss Architecture! You'll probably end up richer than me, specially if you keep seeing girls."

I sat back and took a big swig of Coke. "And what's that supposed to mean?"

"Well..." He'd gone all clammy and awkward again. "Not as easy to have k**s, is it? And k**s are expensive."

"Lesbians can still have k**s, you dumbass."

"I know that. Just...either you still have to have sex with a bloke, or have one of those clinic procedure things. And they aren't cheap either."

"I could have sex with a bloke if I wanted," I retorted, slightly high on the caffeine.

He raised an eyebrow. "You into that?"

"Like I can't be?"

"I just thought--"

"You assumed." I pointed my glass Coke bottle at him. "Everybody assumes, when they see me with Esme, that I only like girls."

"It's an impulse thing though, isn't it? Like if you saw me with a girl, you'd assume I was straight."

"I wouldn't assume anything. But then I'm me."

Taylor's upper lip twitched, but he broke into a smile anyway. He was enjoying our catch up, too. I kinda felt guilty for laughing at him with Gabe about the whole Oxford thing. Heck, maybe we were both jealous.

"So you get on okay with Uncle Gabe," said Taylor. "Didn't you go stay with him, or something?"

"I did. I made the mistake of telling Mom our house was crappy, and the next thing I know, I'm being packed off to his little shed in Devon to learn to appreciate just how good I've got it."

"So he was your punishment." Taylor tittered to himself, but he didn't know how right he was, and my throat went all acidy at the thought.

"S'pose so. It ended up being cool, though. He's not that bad. Just likes to keep to himself, a bit. He tried teaching me to surf..." I smiled at the memory. "But I was crap."

"I wondered if maybe...you know. He was kind of like a father figure."

My dad had never been around. Mom refused to talk about him. I might as well have been the product of an immaculate (and slightly moody) conception.

"Um...I don't know about that."

"Did you find out why he stopped doing f****y stuff?"

"He fell out with Gran and Granddad I don't know why, exactly. They didn't really approve of him studying plants at uni—I think they never thought he'd amount to much."

"He did have those fucking awful dreadlocks," said Taylor.

"Ha. Yeah. He did. He just found it hard to compete with our moms, I think. And he likes being alone anyway." Or he did until he met me. I thought you liked your own space, I'd told him. You make my space a whole lot prettier, he'd said, and then kissed me with the kind of ferocity saved for starving lovers and snatched goodbyes.

"Well I guess he showed them, what with this Canada thing. What's he going out there to do, again?"

"I don't know." And I didn't want to. If I pretended it wasn't happening, it was a teensy bit easier to cope with. Just. "So what about you then, hmm? Is there a girlfriend at home?"

Taylor blushed again, shrugging. He scratched at the label on his beer bottle with blunt nails. "Nah. Not right now."

"Oh? 'Cause you've sort of filled out, haven't you?"

He squared his shoulders. "You think?"

"Yep."

"Oh. Cheers. I mean, there was this girl a few months ago. We went out and stuff. But it didn't..."

"Didn't work?"

"No." He took another gulp of beer and lowered his glassy eyes. "We were both going away to uni, you know. And she was the s****r of a friend. Would have been kind of tricky."

"I know how that feels," I mumbled.

"I bet you do."

He meant coming out, liking girls. But that wasn't what I meant, and I counted the minutes until everything got trickier and stickier me.

****

I didn't go in to bed for another hour, and just as I expected, Esme was in an awful mood. She pretended to be asl**p at first but then started to make snide little comments as I climbed under the covers. No amount of apology seemed to placate her—and in truth, I really wasn't in the mood—but I needed her asl**p for when I crept out to meet Gabe, and so I gave her one of my professional lesbian massages. Get your mind out of the gutter—I mean I rubbed her back. Soft, girly snores filled the room in ten minutes flat.

I was terrified of letting my head hit the pillow in case I actually fell asl**p; it wasn't like I could set an alarm. So I read Why Architecture Matters until my vision blurred, and though I was early, crept out into the night air just to stay awake.

Tonight, I wore the sun dress he fucked me in before. No underwear, not even a bra, and my breasts were pert and heavy beneath the thin fabric, my nipples plump with nostalgia; he loved me like this. A little jacket protected me from the edge of the breeze, and flat boots made less of a crunch against the stone path.

In my excitement, of course, I'd forgotten there was a chance that he might not be there.

And the bastard wasn't.

No figure hunched over our spot of rocks; no profile of a tall, broad man chucking stones into the waves. I was too nervous to call his name out, so I hissed it in a raw prayer that was instantly swallowed by the groan of the sea. Wet sand churned beneath my boots. I was a bit early, true, but there was only one way to the beach from the lodge, and I'd have seen him on the road, right? What with his broad steps, he'd have caught me up in no--

"Danni? That you?"

I jerked around, trying to locate his voice. Then Gabe emerged on his hands and knees from a cluster of rocks down the beach, and I nearly fell over as I rushed over to throw myself at him.

"I thought you weren't here," I said against his mouth.

He drew back a moment, and the space between us thumped like a heartbeat, the flutter of his eyelashes a butterfly pulse. Then his arms tightened around me, his brows dipped, and his lips dropped to weave two months of want with mine.

"Come on. Looky." He gestured to the clump of rocks he'd crawled from. Stepping forward, I saw how he'd pitched a wind breaker inside the edge of them and then d****d a blanket over the top. Like a little tent. Towels lined the floor inside, and the whole thing had the lure that dark places always do.

"Oh, Gabe." I fell to my knees and pulled myself inside, him close behind me. There was just enough room for us to lie beside each other, though we couldn't sit up without hunching. "It's lovely."

"It's private." He curled around me, smelling of smoky aftershave and sharp sea. "Private enough."

"I was worried you wouldn't be here, after Esme--"

"Shh. Miss Warren." He smiled, his cheek coarse against my collarbone. "Just shut up and let me fuck you."

"Ah...okay." I sucked the air in as his teeth grazed my fabric-clad nipple. "Uncle Gabe."

At that, he groaned. The sound warmed my flesh, fierce in its desire and encapsulating his desperate vulnerability. He might have run from me before, but not now. Too much. Resolve melted in the heat of our bodies, and I loved that he gave in to me, to us, this thing we created without even trying. This thing we owned.

Gabe climbed on top of me, dragging my dress up in the process. He ran a wide palm up my inner thigh and when it hit the bare lips of my pussy, his kiss turned feral.

"Danni. Jesus. Fucking hell."

I giggled. "We're not meant to be talking."

"Are you even wearing a bra?"

Laid back against the towel, hair splayed beneath me, I peeled my bodice down to reveal ample, naked breasts. They spilled from the fabric to slope gently sideways, the peach-coloured nipples sitting skyward and my skin goose-pimpled in the ocean air.

"I wanted it to be like our last time on the beach," I breathed.

"It can't be that, but that doesn't matter. It can be different." He laved my nipple with the widest part of his tongue, warm and wet. "And better."

Before, when our most frantic passions were satisfied, Gabe had spent our slower sessions sucking and licking my breasts. His fingers came into play before long, stroking and stretching and massaging, like I was made of dough good enough to eat raw. Now, he worshipped me the same way, only our urgency translated to rough little bites that drew yelps from my lips, and firm squeezes that made me shiver.

"I missed these," he murmured.

"I...I gathered..."

He shoved my dress further up to bunch at my waist, and his fingers walked down to spread my pussy. I swear my muscles yanked in, jolted, as if they might suck a finger or two in as they moved. God. He found my clit, pressed his thumb to it, and then I bucked up to increase the pressure of every circular rub. I'd waited for this, longed for it, lost hope...

"Wet for me already, huh?" His kiss was warm and hard. "You need me inside, baby?"

"Yes." His thumb dropped to tease my pussy lips, but no twist of my hips was strong enough to guide him in. "Please."

"Well..." He kissed all the way down my belly, pausing to nuzzle the ruched band of dress. "Somebody needs to learn not to goad this poor boy by showing off with her girlfriend."

"I'm sorry." I panted. "I didn't know how to get out of it, I swear I--"

"No matter, Danni. Just don't fucking do it again." He ran the tip of his tongue around the very edge of my labia. "But if I'm going to kiss here, it'd damn well better be mine."

I didn't voice it, but he knew my answer anyway, even if he couldn't translate it from my ragged spill of sighs. He tasted me first, wetting his tongue in the syrup at the gape of my pussy, and then grazed upward until he met my clit. I took his blond hair in fistfuls and swelled right into his mouth.

There were a hundred things I wanted to tell him, like how I'd missed his brash manner and f***eful tongue. But who needs words when they have a very talented man between their legs, with his lips working their clit so rhythmically that if they had to chose between breath and yelps, they'd pick the sweet relief of the yelp every time? A thick belter of an orgasm tugged at my pussy muscles, and I sank back to spread my legs further, to let it get a hold of me and writhe its way out. He could have filled me already, could have me wrapped around his waist as he fucked just for him—but he put this first. God, I--

"What the hell was that?" I hissed.

We both froze at the sound of footsteps, not too far from our makeshift cover. A soft, boyish hum carried on the wind: a Foo Fighters song. Make my way back home when I learn to fly...

"No," I whispered. "No way."

Gabe hurried to pull the dress back down my thighs, then twisted to peer out on to the beach. When he turned to me, he'd gone pale. " Yes, way."

"Oh fuck." I tucked my bodice over my breasts, wriggled down to the entrance, and darted out to check for myself. The smell hit me before the sight did, but there he was: my goody two-shoes cousin Taylor, hunched over a rock...smoking a joint. "How is this happening?"

Gabe wrapped an arm around my shoulders and tugged me back in. "Danni. He might see you."

We inched back to our original spot, lying deep in the cover of our sort-of tent.

"I can't believe Taylor's a stoner."

"I can't believe we were nearly fucking caught," he said, his voice low. "I mean, Jesus. Imagine if we weren't in here." He went to tug my skirt back up, but I caught his wrist.

"Gabe...no. I can't do it with him out there."

He pouted. "Whah?"

"I mean, I want to—seriously--but I can't relax when he's, like, a few feet away from us. What if we get too loud, and he hears?"

Gabe buried his face in my cleavage. "We'll be quiet. Promise."

I stifled a giggle. "I guess your balls are blue enough already, eh?"

"Too right, they are." He gave me a slow, tongue-laced kiss. "Now lie back and come in my mouth. Pretty please?"

"I can't." I sighed. "I'm sorry."

More footsteps outside, scr****g and sinking about in the sand.

"This is freaking me out," I hissed.

"Come here." Gabe rolled me on to my side, and folded himself behind. His arms wrapped tightly around me, and he stroked the hair from my ear so he barely had to whisper. Warm, damp breath drenched my cheeks and shoulders, and I trembled against the firm shape of his body. "We'll wait it out. He won't be long."

"I hope so."

Gabe's hands found my breasts, and they massaged in sweet, feathery caresses.

"That feels nice," I said.

"Good." He shifted about, evidently uncomfortable. "Pixie."

"Don't."

"Not half as catchy as tight little niece."

"That sounds more perverted every time you say it, y'know."

He laughed again, nuzzling into my neck. "I love you."

"Yeah?"

"You know I do." He bit a line of sucking kisses along my throat. "Even if it's mostly my cock talking, otherwise. Hey, if I can't curl up on the sofa with you and talk crap...at least we have this."

I pushed back against him, luxuriating in the feel of his hands. "I love you, too."

What followed was a macabre little parody of my sedation of Esme: Gabe stroked and rubbed every inch of my exposed skin, and as we waited for Taylor to skedaddle, I drifted off to sl**p.

"Hey." He shook me gently. "Don't you dare flake out on me. Danni!"

"Mmph."

At four AM, he carried me home in the pink glow of sunrise, and I mumbled apologies as only a sl**p-d***k lover could.

FIVE

"Rise and shine, pixie!"

Morning. Sunshine. Esme. Drool. Bleugh.

I pushed my face into the pillow and attempted to speak. Then I spat out the mouthful of pillow...when was that ever a good idea? "What time is it?"

"Gone eight." Esme already sat at the dressing table, styling her blonde bob. She wore a sequinned, embroidered kaftan that cut-off mid thigh, and her little string bikini showed underneath. The sunshine kept catching on her shiny berry lip gloss and throwing flashes off the mirror.

"That it?"

"You were up before me yesterday. I'm just trying to catch up." She plugged her hair straighteners in. "What time did you come to bed in the end, anyway?"

"What? I came in not long after you. Massage, remember?" I stretched and yawned.

"Oh...yeah." She frowned in the mirror. "Just I woke up at one point, and you weren't in bed."

Fuck. Fuckfuckfuck. "Must've been in the bathroom," I muttered.

"Serves you right for staying up drinking." She said it as a joke, but sarcasm underscored her tone. "Is Taylor passed out on our sofa after all that?"

"Um...I'm pretty sure he went home." Actually, he went down to the beach for a quick spliff, and almost caught Uncle Gabe going down on me. Ho ho ho. What an evening! Facepalm, facepalm, fuckety facepalm.

"Well at least that's something." She finished doing her hair, and stood up to pull on a pair of tiny white shorts. "Are we still going shopping this morning?"

"If you want."

"Cool. I need new moisturiser." She glanced back at me. "Just the two of us, right?"

I pushed myself to smile. "Just the two of us."

She bent forward to check her make-up in the mirror, and in the shorts, her arse was a perfect peach shape. Gah, I was so ungrateful. "And maybe we can get lunch somewhere cute?"

"We'll find cake," I promised.

"Do we really have to do that barbecue thing later? I feel kind of smothered with everyone around all the time."

The annual f****y beach barbecue. It was all part of our holiday ritual. My granddad and great uncle manned the grill, and cooked my grandma's special recipes: fish in spices, cheese and veggie skewers, burgers made with lots of black pepper and slabs of tomato and bacon. I'd been looking forward to it since we got to the lodge.

"My mom will be really disappointed if we don't," I lied. Well, not exactly lied. Just cast the blame elsewhere. "You might even like it, Es."

"I suppose so." She stepped over and climbed on to the bed, stroking the mess of bed hair from my bare shoulder. "We need to remember your sun block."

"You big OAP."

"Am not. Just worried about my girl." She dropped a kiss on the swell of my cleavage. "Now come on, make a move. I want to get into town early and eat jelly beans for breakfast."

****

My relationship with Esme was built on jelly bean breakfasts. We met while playing on our sixth form college's hockey team, and I would regularly turn up for Saturday morning matches with a huge bag of Jelly Belly's finest. Every week, she came earlier and earlier to share them; I'd never been with a girl before so my gaydar didn't make a peep (if I even had a gaydar, then). Our first kiss had tasted of cola flavour beans, and in our sweeter moments, we liked to re-create the memory.

The only thing I wanted that morning, frankly, was an orgasm. I'd been denied it the previous night with Gabe, and I had the girly equivalent of blue balls. Indigo clit, full to bursting and desperate to come and come. But instead of that, I hauled myself out of bed after just a few hours' sl**p and trawled the shops of Bangor with Esme. While she tried out perfumes, I dosed myself up on nostalgia-inducing aftershaves like an addict sniffing poppers; as she mused over a new shade of eyeshadow, I raided the samples for mascara and foundation to make me look less like a zombie and more like a hot, awake lesbian. (Definitely not a traitorous uncle fucker. But should you come across some poor, harassed teen girl trailing after another, with dark circles like craters and reeking of Chanel Homme, you know what she's been doing).

When we got back to the lodge after lunch, I'd barely dropped our bags before Mom cornered me in the kitchen.

"Danni. Have you got a moment?" She wore a sucky-stomach one-piece with a cut-off denim skirt; Mom was on the prowl after losing Malcolm the Moron.

"What's up?"

"Well. I wanted to ask you." She scrunched back her long dark hair, and secured it in a bun. "You get on well with your Uncle Gabe, don't you?"

"Um...yeah."

"It's just that he's been spending a lot of time alone on this holiday. It's not easy for him—he gets left out when me and Lizzie are around. I think he's feeling a bit lost."

She had no frickin' idea. "I'm sure he's fine, Mom."

"I just wondered if maybe you could make a point of keeping him company. I know you're here to be with Esme before you go off to university, but I'm sure she wouldn't mind."

"I could ask her." I tried so hard to sound vague, unbothered. I just sounded knackered instead.

"Have a drink with him at the barbecue," she suggested. "I know Taylor tries with him, but they don't have a lot in common."

"Okay. I'll try." I glanced up at the clock. "Do I have time to get changed before we head down to the beach?"

"I think so. See you in twenty."

So Mom wanted me to spend more time with Gabe.

Would she still be saying that if she knew the truth...?

****

Is there a better smell than grilling meat, charcoal, and the fresh salt of the sea? The barbecue had been going for an hour now, and Granddad tossed on the first burgers to hit the grate with a satisfying hiss and sizzle. When I was little, I'd watch with huge, hungry eyes and pounce on the first cooked burger, only to slather it in ketchup. Now that I preferred real tomato, the whole thing felt mature and sophisticated (or as sophisticated as burgers get).

Beside me, Taylor made caveman grunts. "Meat. Ooh, sir."

"Hungry?"

"I could tear the flesh off a cow. Literally, I'd like, chase after it and just lunge with my mouth open." He put his beer down on a rock to mime catching a cow like a frisbee, and I dissolved into giggles while Esme rolled her eyes.

"You'll change your mind when you try the Warren burger," I told her.

Taylor, evidently still a bit stoned from last night, gave a dirty laugh. "Pretty sure she gets regular Warren burger."

Esme glared, and I swatted him around the head so hard that his glasses fell down his nose.

"Taylor. Are these two bullies giving you a hard time?" Gabe appeared next to him, a look of amusement pulling at the corners of his mouth. "Because I can sort them out if you need me to."

"I'm okay." He adjusted his glasses. "Just...phrased something badly."

"He made a terrible lesbian sex joke," I announced, trying not to eat Gabe with my eyes. I couldn't wait to be a good little niece and corner him, and I was terrified everyone would take one look at me and understand why.

"Never a good idea, mate," Gabe said. "How's that foot taste?"

"Is it a cow's foot? Nom." Taylor gave us all a d***k grin and then sloped off towards his mom.

"You girls want a drink?" Gabe lifted a cool box that rang with the clink of glass.

"All you do is ply us with alcohol," Esme said. There was her sweet-but-sarcastic tone again, too. If I didn't know better, I'd suspect she actually knew something.

"I don't ply. I offer," he said, looking wounded. Then he pulled a bottle of chilled pear cider from the box, and tossed it in a little somersault. "Danni? You want?"

"Yes please." Just for a second, I allowed myself to catch his big, grey eyes. Danni, you want? For the love of God, please let us have enough time alone together to actually have sex soon.

Let him not run off to Canada and leave me like...this. I was such a mess.

Gabe popped the lid off the cider and pressed the cold glass into my hand. "I'm going to find a thinking spot. Catch you two later." With that, he strode over to the cluster of rocks he'd made the tent in last night, and sat back on his elbows to soak up the sun.

"Danni? You okay?" Esme put her hand on my bare thigh.

I took a big gulp of pear cider and squeezed my eyes shut. Being alone with Gabe in his little cabin that weekend, so isolated—we'd been spoiled. Now the people around us made a cage of barbed wire. Torture. "Just a bit hot. It's baking out here."

"That's what you come to a beach for, Danni." She smiled, teasing her finger along the sensitive skin of my inner thigh.

"I don't tan like you," I grumbled. "It's not the same for redheads."

"I like your red hair, pixie."

"That's because it's awesome."

"I'm gonna go find some more juice, okay? Back in a sec."

"I'll be here." More cider. I closed my eyes again. The sun ebbed away, the sand melted beneath my bare feet, and the world was just fizz, sugar, pear juice and the d***ken twist of the alcohol that tickled my throat. When I blinked, Mom stood in front of me, clutching two fat burgers in napkins.

"Why don't you take one of these over to your Uncle?" she said.

"Um...okay." I tucked the cider under my arm and took the burgers from her, trying very hard not to look elated. I f***ed the smile from my lips and crushed that spring right out of my step. As he saw me, Gabe raised his sunglasses, grinned, and eased up the rock to make space. Like he knew I'd be staying.

"Mom thinks I should be keeping you company," I said.

He took the burger in both hands, checking beneath the bun for fillings. "If you're going to bring me meat, I'm not complaining."

"She reckons you're all lonely and need sympathy food." I tried not to giggle, but it rippled out of me anyway.

"Well. I have been missing somebody this week." He patted the space beside him and I climbed up on to the rock, a measured few inches from the heat of his body. "How very sweet of her."

"It's not really like Mom, is it?" Frankly, she could be a bitch.

"No." He snorted. "But maybe losing this Malcolm guy reminded her she's got a few nice bones in her body."

"Maybe." I shielded my eyes; Esme had walked back to look for me, and when she caught me next to Gabe, her pretty brow furrowed. She wouldn't come over here, I knew that.

I should have hurried back over, but I didn't.

"Esme commented on me not being in bed last night. I told her some crap about being in the bathroom, but..."

He looked up from the burger he was about to devour. "Really? Shit. We need to be more careful."

"We've only got four nights left." I stared hard at my cider bottle, watched the bubbles rise to the surface and die as they hit the air. "It's not long enough, Gabe."

"I know, baby." He dropped his voice to say these things, and we both knew it was risky to talk about them out in the open. But we were forbidden. This was something we could never have. If words were our only rebellion, bitter words it would have to be. "You like Canada?"

I shrugged. "Never been."

"Shame." He smiled faintly. "Nice place for a gap year, Canada."

A prickly heat shot down my spine and unfurled at the base, making me sit bolt upright. "Are you...are you being serious?"

"I don't know," he said sadly.

"Because it was only a few days ago that you were all resigned to running away from...us."

"I changed my mind." He exhaled. "I broke."

"What if we don't get chance to be together, Gabe? What if you leave in a few days and we haven't...I mean..."

"This," he gestured to our cosy little chat position, "isn't enough."

"No." I swallowed. "I'm sorry. I don't mean it like that."

"It's okay, Danni. That's what makes everything so complicated, eh? That we need the physical stuff."

He said need. Not want. Not it would be nice.

Need.

"I could take a gap year," I said.

He nodded, looking ahead as if we chatted about the weather or something. "The visas over there can be a bit complicated, but the people who've hired me might be able to help out. I mean, there are ways."

"I don't know what the hell I'd tell Mom. Or Esme."

"If...if you were to come out there with me, like that, we'd manage it."

"Like that." I pressed my lips together to stop the huge smile. "Like, a couple?" I whispered.

"Nobody would know, would they? We could be normal." He glanced down. "If we were in Canada now, I could hold your hand. Kiss you. We'd just be a gorgeous girl and some lucky old dude."

"Oh, shut up. You're not even thirty."

"Still older than you."

"You love it," I shot back.

"Yeah." He went to touch me, but pulled his hand away. "I...I do."

"We should eat these burgers before we start looking suspicious." I checked mine for tomato; a big wedge sat squashed beneath the bun. When I looked back up, Taylor had accosted Esme. "Esme's giving me evils."

"She knows she's going to lose you." He took a bite.

"What? What do you mean?" I drew patterns in the sand with my toes while I waited for him to finish. "She doesn't know about us. How could she?"

"Not that, sweetie. Just generally. She's clingy, possessive. You said before; she's always been like that. She probably knew the moment you started acting off with her, or maybe even from the time you got together, but now you're both going off to different universities...Danni. She's a clever girl. Of course she knows she can't keep you."

I'd never thought about things like that before, but now, it was so painfully obvious that I couldn't look at either of them. Tears lanced the corners of my eyes. I might have fallen for Gabe, but there was a time not too long ago when I was crazy about Esme, and even more than that, relieved to have someone to be crazy about. She did that for me, and I appreciated it—even if from her point of view, it was all a big heap of crap and lies.

"I did love her," I said defensively. My voice cracked with the restrained tears.

"No, you didn't. But you wanted to." He brushed his palm to my knee very quickly. "That's nothing to be ashamed of. Christ, you're eighteen. Still figuring everything out."

"Not everything." I smiled again, despite the weeping that threatened. "Not you. I'm sure about that." Chemically, my body hadn't let me deny it.

"Tonight. We'll try again tonight. Maybe a little earlier...depends when everyone's in bed."

"Okay." Please.

"But you need to be careful leaving. Don't be gone too long this time."

"Not my fault I fell asl**p," I grumbled. "Frickin' Taylor."

Gabe winced. "Never had him pegged as a stoner."

"We need to make sure he doesn't end up back down here, doing that again," I said. "And maybe we should avoid the beach. We could go into the woods instead, meet outside or something."

"Maybe." He took another bite of burger and chewed slowly. "Let's see how tonight pans out, and I'll send you a text later, yeah? Just be sure to delete it straight after."

"I will."

"Now you better get back to Esme before she burns straight through me with her evil eyes."

I laughed. "I don't know what's up with her, sometimes. I mean, you're privileged—you're a bloke, but she actually likes you. Yet she won't come over here and join in."

"A clichéd man-hating lesbian, eh?" He shook his head.

"It's not like that. She doesn't hate anyone. I think she just feels a bit threatened sometimes, like guys who watch us and get off on it are kind of intruding."

"Because they weren't invited to the party," he mused.

"Precisely." I slipped back off the rock and lingered in front of him, his feet almost brushing my calves. "Guess I'll be heading back, then."

"I'll see you later." He pressed his lips together in a very brief kissing pose. "And Danni?"

"Yeah?" I breathed.

"Maybe...think about Canada, yeah?"

"I will," I promised.

I will, I will, I will.

Like a couple. Nobody would know, would they?

It's like my heart grew a fifth ventricle full of liquor and crack.

****

I couldn't stop thinking about his letters. Our first kiss. The balmy Devon evening when he took my virginity. In heartache years, we'd been apart for at least ten; maybe that's why after just two months, he was talking about running away together. Because that's what it would be.

He was the first person to say the l-word, only two days after we first fucked beneath that tree. But when he stopped writing and texting and calling, I thought it was because he stopped feeling. I blamed myself. I was the one who gave in, in the end. If I hadn't decided to sl**p with my uncle and cheat on my girlfriend, none of this awfulness would have happened, and we'd be spared the void of never knowing what we might have been. If we weren't related, if I wasn't with Esme, if he wasn't going away.

But now he wanted to remove an if. I could, if I grew balls big enough, take away another in Esme. Suddenly, I was playing for keeps.

****

Around ten o'clock, we finally dragged our barbecued-out asses back to the lodge. Gabe plied Taylor with beer after beer, and he ended up spread-eagled and snoring on our sofa. Mom passed out in a chair. Esme wasn't far behind, and another of my patented lesbian massages settled her in ten minutes flat.

I brushed my teeth. Put my hair up. Slipped into a clean dress and cardigan, and out of my bikini bottoms. The clock struck midnight, and I crept out of the lodge to find Gabe leaning up against his car. No words passed between us, not even smiles; he just reached for my hand and tugged me towards the woods.

The canopy of trees made the night thick like treacle. Bracken and old twigs snapped beneath our shoes. Gabe used his phone to light our way, and we followed the trail of pale glow like pixelated breadcrumbs. My hand felt so small in his. When we reached a snug little spot with a round, flat tree stump, he pulled me against him for a cool drink of a kiss.

"I scoped this out earlier," he whispered. "We're in deep enough to be safe, I reckon."

Somewhere not too far away, young voices yelled and whooped. Our party might have ended, but for some, the night was just beginning.

I shoved him down on the tree stump and giggled as I straddled his lap. Then I wound my fists into his soft caramel hair and devoured his mouth again. We could make a little noise here, could be free, and his cock was already firm and desperate between my thighs...only the fabric of his shorts prevented him from entering me. Stupid, stupid shorts.

"Slow down, Danni."

"No. I'm not waiting to be interrupted again." I dragged his hand to my bare, smooth pussy, and gasped at the way he probed me. "See what you do to me?"

"I love how you seem to keep losing your knickers." His face moved along my cleavage in a hot-cold cocktail of stubbly cheek and kisses, and his thumb worked my clit with slow, firm strokes. I wanted to keep still and just think on how wonderful it was to have him touch me, but no use. I bucked and writhed like a puppet on strings.

"It's more convenient." And I knew how much he liked it. Hell, we were already wrong enough, uncle and niece that we were. What was a little slutty behaviour thrown into the mix?

In a fit of need, I shoved his hand away so I could pull open the button fly of his three quarter shorts. His cock sprang up, thick and crimson, and it twitched in my palm as I squeezed.

"God." He struggled for breath. "Do that again."

So I did. Hard. He moaned into our wet kiss. We both knew what the other wanted, and with a twist of my hips, the head of his cock weighed heavily in the open cup of my pussy lips. He thrust up, I slid down, and I shoved my face into his shoulder to muffle my yelps. Two months since I'd had him inside me, and it was like losing my virginity all over again. I kept trying to contract around him and with every ripple, he felt bigger. As I rolled back and forth, he pushed right into my spot, rubbing. This was the stuffed sensation Esme couldn't give me, and this man, his flesh, his sea-liquor smell...only he could give me that.

"Good girl," he mumbled into my neck. "You feel so fucking good."

He yanked my dress up and gripped my bare buttocks, forcing me to take every last inch. I grew braver with every thrust, and my clit mashed into his pubic bone each time I landed; smack, ah, thump, ah. The world snapped in on us and everything else fell away; just me and Gabe and this spasming melt of pleasure, just us and the air we stole breath after breath from as we moved.

We sped up, despite the awkward position and the acid groan of my hamstrings. The ache of impending orgasm flushed heat through every limb, relieved everything, and my soaked pussy coiled and sprang on each stroke.

"Just think." He sucked my bottom lip, let it go, sucked again. "If we went away, we could have this all." Thrust. "The." Harder. "Time."

Oh--

"Gabe...fuck..."

There are all sorts of corny ways to describe orgasms. Fell off the edge, came apart, blow your load, whatever. In Gabe's lap, I split right down the middle as a shrieking flock of shudders fell out, only to plunge and sink their hungry teeth into my clit. Over and over, I trembled. Moaned his name. He kept going until my inner thighs were sticky with his mess.

Still gasping, I pulled his head back and kissed his mouth raw. Only when he seemed to struggle, did I pull back.

"Danni," he hissed.

"Wha...?"

"Danni."

I frowned at him. Wondered why he looked so spooked. Then it hit me like a smack around the head: a sob. Behind us. A great, heaving sob.

I shook as Gabe hurried my skirt back down. Every scrap of heat surged out of my skin, leaving ice burns that only added to the trembling.

"Well?" Esme whimpered. In the dark, her voice cut a haunting path. "Aren't you going to look at me?"

Gabe swallowed. Urged me around. I climbed off, paused while he tucked himself into his shorts, and closed my eyes as I turned. They were the longest five seconds of my life.

When I opened my eyes, I made out Esme's shape just two feet away. She wore her coat over tiny pyjamas. Next to her stood Taylor, shivering in his t-shirt. His mouth formed a thin, drawn line; if she was fury, he was empty. Blank.

"I don't know what to say." I'd been caught cheating...with my uncle. Exactly which bit of that should I panic about first?

Esme began to weep again. Full-on, shoulder-hunching sobs. Taylor put a comforting hand on her arm and she threw it off like a bucking bull.

"Don't you touch me!" she shrieked. "Don't you fucking dare!"

Leaves crunched as Gabe stood. He stepped in front of me, braced for a fight.

"Esme," he said quietly. "I'm sorry."

"Sorry? You're sorry? Jesus Christ." She went to walk to me, but seemed to change her mind. "How could you, with a man? With him? Do you have any idea how sick this is?"

"I kno--"

"We've done nothing wrong," said Gabe, his tone surprisingly steady. "Or at least, not like that. Esme, it wasn't Danni's fault. It was me, I—"

"You're her uncle!" Taylor said it so s**thingly, like we were a pair of moronic contestants on a grisly morning chat show. "I mean, what the fuck?"

Adrenaline still spiked my bl**d and my vision; Gabe's mess still leaked down my inner thighs. His hand sat protectively on my hip. In the space of a few minutes, our relationship had gone from dirty little secret to me and Gabe against the world. Staring at Esme and Taylor's horrified faces, I didn't think we could win this one.

"You said you loved me," Esme spat. "People in love don't do things like this!"

Gabe squeezed my hip. "They do."

"That's not what I meant, and you know it. You sick fuck. I...both of you..." Her bottom lip baulked again.

"People go to prison for this shit," said Taylor. "You know that, right?"

"Yeah." Gabe gave a single nod. "We know that."

Esme shoved past Taylor then, and before I could breath, she had my hair in handfuls, yanking it violently.

"And you don't even have the nerve to speak to me? Talk to me. Talk. To. Me!"

I squealed as she pulled at me, and it took Gabe several moments to get her off. She'd barely got her breath back before she went for him, all claws and anguished grunts. When he retreated, his arms were scored with cherry scratches.

"That's enough! Esme. God. She doesn't deserve that."

"I do." My own tears battled through, slimy on my cheeks. I clutched my sore scalp. "Es, I'm so sorry."

"No, you're not. But you will be. You will be." With that, she tore off back towards the lodge, her footsteps punctuated by raw little sobs.

Taylor glanced between me and Gabe, and Esme's empty space.

"This is some messed up crap," he managed, starting after her. "You better hope she doesn't tell your mom, Danni."

I went to follow him, but Gabe tugged me back. If it was possible, he held me tighter than ever. "It'll be okay," he whispered. "I promise, we'll make this okay."

But the pulse that throbbed in my ears said otherwise. "You can't promise. Not with this."

He turned me to face him, and took my chin in his palms. "I can. I am. Fuck them all, Danni. We'll be gone in less than a week."

He didn't say because we have no choice now, because we're not welcome here, but the truth spiked its forked tongue at me anyway. Of course I wanted to be with him, but I never realised quite how much it could cost (a hell of a lot more than an airline ticket, apparently).

"We should head back," I said.

"Yeah."

"Separately, in case she hasn't told."

"Let's hope so." He began to lead me by the hand.

"Or in case Taylor tells," I added.

"He won't." Gabe squeezed my hand, but it didn't help.

I pulled my cardigan around me, tried to ignore the cold, and traipsed back to the lodge to salvage what was left of my life.

SIX

Empty bed. No Esme.

Fuck.

I couldn't find her anywhere. Mom was still drooling in the easy chair, her snores and snorts peaceful. Mine and Esme's bed was unmade, which was unlike her...she left in a hurry. How the hell did she and Taylor know to come looking for us? It was obviously what they were doing. I mean, how had they even been conscious enough? They were passed out when we left.

Gabe stood outside his bedroom, his arms folded, grey eyes low. I peered out to shrug at him.

"Not there," I mouthed.

He gestured over his shoulder, as if to suggest we look for her. I shook my head. Taylor wouldn't let her get into any trouble, and she evidently didn't want to talk to me. I checked around before blowing Gabe a kiss; he caught it, bit his lip, and mouthed I love you.

Then I climbed into bed, and insomnia's sweaty fist leered down to squeeze. Exhaustion threatened after three nights of broken trysts, but no rest for the wicked.

Story of my life.

****

Somebody was rattling drawers. Throwing clothes about in little swishes. How inconsiderate—couldn't they see I how tired I was?

The somebody was battling tears; she whimpered and snarled at every object she threw into her suitcase.

Esme's suitcase.

Que?

FUCK.

I lunged to sit up, and a hard can of deodorant smacked right off my forehead mid-flight. Esme winced as I yelped, but then the robotics took over again and she went back to packing.

"My dad's picking me up in a few hours," she hissed.

"Oh, Es. Don't leave." Because staying would make everything so comfortable...but what was I meant to say?

"You really think anything you say can make up for what I saw last night? You think I want to be anywhere near you and him?"

"I'm sorry." My voice trembled. Tears stung as they welled in their ducts, as I rubbed the emerging lump on my head. "I never meant for any of this."

"Yeah. Looked like it." Her make-up bag landed in the suitcase with a clatter.

"Where've you been? I...I was worried."

"Bollocks, were you. And I was with Taylor. Turns out, he's good for something."

I glanced between dishevelled Esme, and the door. "With him, with him?"

"Don't be ridiculous." She sniffed. "Not all of us are just playing at being gay, Danni."

"That isn't fair."

"Oh yeah. What was I thinking, offending your sweet, innocent sensibilities? The way I'm talking, anybody would think I saw you fucking your uncle!" she shrieked.

Ohmigod. "Jesus! Keep it down!"

"Wouldn't want anybody knowing that, would you?" She slammed the suitcase shut, panting as she locked the clasps. "Your filthy little secret. Huh."

My forehead still stung. Esme hauled her suitcase off the bed and yanked the door open.

"I'm going back to Taylor's. If you so much as knock on the door, I'll tell everyone about Gabe. Everyone." She turned to look at me. Her eyes were ringed in pink, her nose red, her fingernails scr****g along the plastic handle in nervous snares. "You've ruined everything. Everything."

I recoiled back into the pillows as she stalked down the corridor. I heard her coarse little bleats of sobs at my mom, and Mom's comforting words back. The creak of the front door. What had she told people? Exactly how deep a hole were Gabe and I in?

My phone read seven thirty two AM. A beautiful start to the day, if there was one. But beneath all the crap and the panic, a hope stirred in my belly: Canada. An escape. The unknown.

And Gabe, no doubt asl**p at the end of the hall, with an empty pillow beside him.

****

When I awoke again two hours later, it was because of the slanging match in the living area. Gabe and my mother. Oh God.

The dress I pulled on was a day old, but no matter. No time to brush my teeth. I padded towards the shouts and curses, a cool sweat emerging in uncomfortable places. Time to face the music (if the music sounded like an episode of Sons of Anarchy).

"You just can't help yourself, can you?" Mom spat. Gabe sat hunched on the sofa, and she circled him like a vulture, last night's make-up melted to smudges on her face. "Oh, hello, Danni. Decided to grace us with your presence, have you?"

I just loitered in the doorway, trying not to hyperventilate.

Gabe glanced up at me. Dark circles ate at his eye sockets; he hadn't slept a wink. He wore a long-sleeved t-shirt, no doubt to hide the scratches on his arms. "Danni. She knows."

I nearly wet myself. Words balanced on my tongue, impotent and unmoving. "Knows...what?"

"About--"

"About you and that boy. About how this idiot--" She gestured to Gabe, "has been covering for you. Helping you cheat on Esme. Delightful, really, absolutely fucking marvellous."

Me and a boy. Gabe helping? I glanced between them, and didn't know whether to die of relief or embarrassment. "Oh. That."

"I sent you down to Devon to grow up, Danni. I didn't realise stupidity was contagious."

Gabe rolled his eyes. "Thanks."

"You've broken that poor girl's heart. She's in pieces. Trust me, I know how that feels!"

Malcolm the Moron, a cheater? I was too afraid to ask.

"I'm sorry," I said, my voice hoarse.

"Sorry isn't good enough. Sorry doesn't cut it." She jerked back to Gabe. "And you should know better. Leading her on like that, letting her think this is okay. Do you enjoy screwing things up for people?"

"No," he said quietly.

"Would you like to know a few home truths about your Uncle Gabriel, Danni?"

I trembled, still clutching the door frame. "Um."

"Sit down," she barked.

I didn't dare disobey her, so I scuttled forward and cowered in the easy chair. Gabe and I exchanged sombre, defeated stares.

"We were here," Mom went on, "on holiday. You were just a baby really. Your father and I were talking about getting married. His f****y lived here, see."

"My..." What? We had no pictures of my father. Mom always swore she didn't even know his last name. I just got used to thinking that he was this faceless, absent sperm donor, but now she told me he was around after I was born? "Excuse me?"

"He had a s****r, around Gabe's age," she said sadly. "And Gabe was always flirting with her. Weren't you? You were what, thirteen?"

He grimaced. "If you say so."

The Earth Day girl? Holy crap. No freaking way.

Mom folded her arms as she sat on the arm of the sofa. "He upset that girl one day. I don't know what he did, but she was humiliated. Things weren't good between me and your father, Danni. He was a raging bull of a man when he got angry."

"You've got to be joking, Jess." Gabe laughed incredulously. "You can't still blame me for him leaving."

"I can blame you for being the straw that broke the camel's bl**dy back!"

This was why Gabe was the proverbial black sheep of the f****y? Seriously?

"Danni," Gabe croaked. "I didn't make your father leave, I swear."

"You've got no idea what you did, you and your thoughtless, selfish behaviour," said Mom. "I thought maybe you'd matured a bit, but apparently not."

I was still reeling from the whole "by the way, I know who your Dad is," revelation. Every new thought needed a deep breath and a blink.

"Leave him alone," I said.

"What? Don't tell me you're defending him." She stood up, put her hands on her hips, and sneered in Gabe's direction. "I think it's best if you leave."

"What? Mom--"

"She's right, Danni." Gabe put his face in his hands and sighed. "I suppose I'll get going."

"No. Don't leave. I don't want you to," I pleaded. He shot me a warning look as he stood.

Mom raised her eyebrows as he strode back to his bedroom. "It's for the best."

"Mom, it wasn't his fault!" And how the hell was I meant to spend the rest of the week, alone?

"I don't know what's gotten into you. I don't want to hear another thing about this boy you've been sneaking off with, either. Christ." She shook her head. "You know Gabe was only here to see you."

I froze. Of course he wasn't. Until I broke him, he was preparing to run away.

"Whatever happened between the two of you in Devon," she went on, "was a mistake. My mistake, sending you there. He's a bad influence. I didn't realise you'd become friends."

"I can be friends with whomever I want," I snapped.

"You can screw whomever you want too, Danni, but don't expect me to like it."

Ouch. (Not that she would like it, if she knew who I was really screwing).

"I can't believe you didn't tell me about my dad."

"I told you everything you needed to know. He was a waste of space." She wandered over to the kitchen and filled the kettle with a shrill rush of water. "I was trying to keep you safe."

"Safe? But you know his name, I could look him up, I--"

"Why the hell would you want to do that?" She slammed the kettle on to its stand. "He's always known where we are, but has he ever turned up? No. That tells you everything you need to know."

A lump formed in my throat, thick and rancid. This whole day was just lies and shit and disappointment. Everything I'd counted on in my life a few months ago—f****y, Esme—they'd been stripped away. I was bare bone, and the air felt like sandpaper.

Furious, confused and shaking, I stomped over to Gabe's room. Didn't bother to knock. When I closed the door behind me and sagged against it, his eyes widened over his open suitcase.

"Danni. Jesus, she'll--"

"I don't care! You can't leave me. Not here, not now." The tears broke free, rushing down my cheeks like they rode into battle. Wet little soldiers. "They all hate me. I won't stay on my own."

He clambered over and took my face in his hands, his voice low. "Baby. I know it's awful. But if we're really doing this Canada thing, I have arrangements to make. All the visa stuff, a bigger apartment, flights...everything."

I nodded through the tears. "Okay. But I...I mean, how...?"

"Here's what you're going to do." He pressed his damp forehead to mine, his wavy hair soft on my face. I squeaked as he put too much pressure on my lump. "What the fuck happened to your head?"

"Esme."

He frowned. "She attacked you?"

"She got a bit over-enthusiastic with her packing this morning. Anyway. You were saying..."

"You're going to be a good girl for a few days. And then you'll go home, call your uni, and arrange to defer for a year because you've had the travel opportunity of a lifetime. Okay?"

"Right." Though the thought of spending the rest of the week alone made my stomach churn.

"I'm going to talk to my new department about bringing you along as an assistant. I was meant to hire one over there, and they have rules about stuff like that...but I might be able to wrangle something."

I managed a smile. "What would I be assisting you on, Doctor Warren?"

"I'm going to be a fellow at a museum in Alberta. They have one of the largest Cretaceous plant collections there is. I've got a couple of research projects to manage there, and I'll be teaching at the university. I could use a bright young mind for all my admin. So if you think you can handle a year of my eco crap..."

"I can handle it." My smile grew, and I braved a little kiss, just brushed it over his lips. With him standing over me, his weight against me, the feel of lithe muscle beneath his t-shirt—almost everything felt better. For now. When he returned the kiss, it weighed heavy with promise.

"It's hardly Bath over there, Danni. You need to think about whether you really want that. It'll be slower, quieter. And I won't be around for you all the time."

"I can deal. I can."

"And I need to investigate the visa thing. You might have to fly back a time or two while it's all sorted out...this is a little short notice."

"Doesn't matter." I yanked him closer by his short pockets, pushed my hands in and groped him through the fabric. I loved the way it made him chuckle. "We'll be together. And I'm sure there are a few cool buildings in Alberta I can study, or something."

"I'll email you as soon as I have details, okay? It could be a few days. When I do, I'll talk to your mom."

I sighed. "That's if she'll talk to you."

He tipped my chin up so he could look me right in the eye. "I had no idea you weren't aware about what happened with your dad. I'm sorry it's all come out like this."

"It's...it's not important."

"Of course it is. And I swear to you." He kissed my throat with a laving chase of tongue. "I didn't push your dad away. Your mom, she's always been..."

"Melodramatic?"

"It's a sensitive subject." He gave a bitter little laugh. "Some good me coming here has done, eh?"

"No. I'm glad you came. Gabe." I nuzzled him. "You made me realise what I really want."

"I made you change all your plans. Everything. I just hope you don't end up regretting it."

"Pretty sure I made you change some plans too."

We kissed with grinning mouths, and it was the sweetest, most comforting moment I'd had since his first beautiful letter.

****

I watched Esme's dad pack her up from the window. Gabe left before her, and already, our d***k little bubble of a world grew a stone skin. Mom had showered and changed, and stood with them to commiserate. God knows what she said. I didn't sympathise much, but for her, the whole thing must have been humiliating.

And Esme hadn't told anyone about Gabe. Why would she keep my secret? Was she in denial? Or was a bit of her still trying to protect her pixie, even when I'd turned out to be a sly little imp?

Taylor loitered by Esme, his arms folded and his face blank. As they closed the car doors, he caught sight of me in the window and just blinked, like I'd become a ghost he could look right through.

A ghost was a pretty good description of what I felt like that day. Gabe had gone, Esme had gone, and my planned start at uni had almost fallen away. It was only Tuesday, so there were four nights before we went home and six until the flight to Canada. An earthquake had shaken our holiday, cracking it down the middle to leave me stuck in the void. Now I had days to climb back to the edge I fell from, and the same amount of time to find the glue that would make everything better.

Time is a healer, all the cruddy old songs say. I kinda wish I'd listened to them better.

****

By the next morning, Mom still hadn't said a word to me. sl**p locked me out, prodded me with manic laughter, and I barely sc****d a few hours. I ended up at the crappy little café for breakfast, where I accosted their internet computer and spent an hour pretending to eat my bacon sandwich while I Googled Canada and flicked through my emails.

Esme had already massacred Facebook. Her relationship status said single, much to the surprise and sympathy to the twenty odd people who commented below. Feels like the world has broken, she'd written, with a sad little emoticon beside it. I let the cursor hover over it for a second before I willed myself not to reply.

And I thought about my Dad. How could I not? Mom had been protecting me by lying, she said. But do lies really keep anyone safe? Hadn't worked for me and Gabe; hadn't worked for Esme. I wished I had a name for the guy, a photo. Even if I wouldn't have known where to start with it.

"Whatcha doing?"

I snapped around to see Taylor, who fiddled with the dark lens attachment on his glasses. He had a bottle of Coke tucked under one arm.

"None of your beeswax," I muttered. Like he really wanted to talk to me after...well. I mean, holy crap. He saw me have sex. Saw my bare ass, saw Gabe inside.

"You on your own today too?" he said.

"What's it to you?"

"Thought we could use a chat." He tucked his glasses back on and shrugged. "Could walk down to the beach or something."

"Why?" I tore a bit of bread off my uneaten sandwich, trying not to look suspicious.

"I promise not to be mean, Danni." He picked up my cardigan and held it out. "Okay?"

Gah. Fnar. Bah. Schner...oh, for crying out loud. "Okay."

I stood up, brushed the crumbs off my cut-off shorts, and he d****d the cardigan around my shoulders in an absurd display of chivalry.

We were silent for a good few minutes, weaving around k**s with buckets and spades, enthusiastic grandparents, dads clutching newspapers who were grateful for escape. Several times, he looked ready to talk, but only breath spewed out when his mouth opened. When we reached the stone path to the beach, I gave in.

"So talk," I said through my teeth.

"I dunno what I'm meant to say, Danni."

"Anything. The weather. What you watched on TV last night. How many times Granddad farted."

He tittered. "A lot. Barbecue brew."

"Bleugh."

"Yeah." He glanced around us, shoved his hands into his pockets, and exhaled. "What's that thing on your head?"

"You mean my classy Mount Vesuvius bruise?" I patted the round bump on my forehead that had already turned three different shades of purple. "Esme was chucking stuff around when she packed up."

"I guess it's over with her."

"You could say that."

"She was in a bad way." He pressed thin lips together. "She slept in my bed, you know."

"Lucky you."

"She smells like marshmallows."

"You're a raging pansy, you know that?" I rolled my eyes.

"Slept and sobbed and ranted. Wasn't all that sexy, even if she did smell nice. But yeah...she was in my bed."

"Still a pansy."

He glanced about, checking to make sure we were out of earshot. "If you keep being mean, I'm going to wait until you go to the loo and change your ringtone to that South Park song. How's it go now? Shut Your Fucking Face, Uncle Fucker."

My pulse jumped. Fists balled at my sides. It took every ounce of self control not to wallop him. "You are not funny."

"Sorry." He recoiled. "Seemed like the way to bring it up, humour and that."

"Well, it isn't. So don't."

We stepped through the beach gate and took our shoes off to pad down to the rocks. It was half ten, and still quiet; a few residents walked their wet, barking dogs, and one f****y had set up a few wind breakers. The tide roved slowly in.

Taylor pulled himself up on the rocks overlooking the sea, and I sat a few inches away. He offered me the Coke, but I declined.

"I'm sorry for what I said the other night," he said eventually.

"What the fuck were you doing there, Taylor?"

"Um. Well. I kind of saw you go down to the beach that first night, and I wondered why. And the second night, I was out in the woods about to light up...and I saw you again. So I followed you. Thought you went to the beach, but then I couldn't see you there. I heard some noises but they were, you know..." He grimaced.

"Sex noises." I cringed.

"Er...yeah. But I was a bit stoned, and I was all like, no way is that Gabe and Danni."

"Because that would be ridiculous."

He snorted. "Yeah."

"Carry on."

"At the barbecue, when you were talking to Gabe--it seemed a good way to start a conversation with Esme, asking why you were going to the beach at night, and why you and Gabe looked so cosy."

Heat drained from my cheeks. "Oh God."

"Dick move. I know, okay?"

This was what I got for leaving Taylor out, ignoring my instincts and letting Esme try to isolate him. "So what did she say?"

"Not a lot, at first. Just asked me for beer. But then she was like, we have to pretend to go to sl**p and see if you guys skedaddle again. And you did...so we followed."

A seagull swept over us with a grating squark. It settled a few rocks away like it wanted to eavesdrop. I should have brought my bacon sandwich to throw bits for them...didn't think. Would have been a nice distraction from the evilness of all this.

"We never expected to find what we did," Taylor mumbled. "Didn't even cross my mind. I figured you guys might have been doing d**gs or drinking. Or I dunno, planning something. Just being all chummy."

Leaving him out.

"We were kinda chummy."

"Yeah." He snorted again, trying to contain full-blown laughter. "So I saw."

I put my face in my hands. More facepalm. "I can't believe you saw me like that."

"I did need some brain bleach." He scratched his chin. "Was even worse seeing Uncle Gabe. Hearing--"

"I get it." I groaned. "There's no need, really."

We fell into uneasy silence again. Dogs barked, owners yelled at them in lilting Welsh accents. k**s squealed as the tide ate away at their forts and sandcastles. I didn't bother scr****g the wind-teased hair from my face; the urge to hide from the world was stifling.

"How does something like that even happen?" he said.

"It's weird. It felt weird...at first."

Taylor finished his Coke with a few wet gulps. "Do you, like, want to be with him? As a couple?"

I nodded.

"Woah." He wiped his mouth on the back of his hand. "Not going to happen though, huh?"

"We're talking about it."

"But he's going away," he said. "To Canada and stuff."

I squinted at him in the yellow spill of sun. "Can you keep a secret?"

"Another secret, you mean?"

"Another, yeah."

"Is it worse than this one?"

Even I giggled a bit at that. "Not really."

"Shoot."

"I might be going to Canada too."

He tossed the empty bottle from one hand to another. "Fucking hell."

"We're trying to work it out."

"I want to wish you good luck, but...fuck. It's not even legal. And Esme, I mean, she didn't deserve that."

"No. I know." I sighed. "It all got stupidly complicated. I really never meant for it to happen, and Gabe tried end it too, but it wouldn't go away." I dropped my legs, swirling my toes in foamy turquoise water. Water is meant to be relaxing, isn't it? This was the foot spa from hell. "I'm not sure it's meant to go away, you know?"

"I suppose."

"Thank you. For not telling, I mean." And for not hating me. For still being there.

"It's not my place." He glanced over, watched my feet. "Probably shouldn't even have told Esme. Sorry about that."

"You weren't to know."

"Anyway. In return. Please don't tell my mom about the weed."

I threw a light elbow into his ribs. "I won't. You big stoner. Just promise to stay away from my ringtone, okay?"

He began sing, his shoulders bobbing in a jaunty dance. "You're an uncle fucker, yes, it's true--"

"Taylor!"

"Nobody fucks uncles quite like you!"

With a deep breath, I shoved him right off the rocks and into the sea. He flapped around while the seagulls bellowed at him, coughing up lumps of salt water. Like a retarded fish.

"This is revenge for that poor girl." I clutched myself, laughing. "The one you chose the book over."

He climbed back up, clothes drenched, glasses askew. Sea water flew from his nose. "Hardy ha ha."

SEVEN

The email came on Friday.

When the familiar little ping sounded on my phone, I was curled up near the tree stump in the woods—a place I'd spent a lot of time those past few days. Half of me simmered with excitement, but the other half chastised that it was probably spam (as usual).

It wasn't.

From: warren.gabriel@plymouth.ac.uk

To: danni323ginger@gmail.com

Date: 29 August 2011 10:32

Subject: come fly with me

...let's fly, let's fly away :o)

Flight booked. No visa required for now, will sort when there

Looks like I have a new assistant huh

Meet me at the Crown Plaza hotel at the airport, Sunday, any time after 2. Sooner you get there, longer we have all alone in a beautiful room...we fly 8am Monday

Call your mother, call your uni. Maybe not the cavalry

Can't actually believe we're doing this

Trouble, I love you

xxxxx

I pressed my face into my novel, trembled quietly, and then wept hot, stinging tears of relief into the yellow pages.

****

In hindsight, the drive home was probably not the time to tell Mom about Canada. So guess what I did? Ho ho.

She switched the radio off and glared at me in the mirror (the back seat felt like a refuge, since we still weren't talking, really).

"I'm sorry. Can you repeat that?"

"I did a lot of thinking this week," I said, "and I'm going to take a gap year."

She sniffed. "To do what? Work?"

"Uncle Gabe says I can go to Canada with him."

That did it. She practically frothed at the mouth. "You're not serious, Danni."

"Canada sounds pretty cool," I mumbled.

"Don't be like him. Don't run away just because you've had a hard time recently--"

"What d'you mean? Gabe--"

"I'm not talking about him." She sighed. "I'm talking about your father."

I knew nothing about my dad, but was ninety nine percent sure he never switched continents because he fell in love with a hot relative.

"Mom. That's really low."

"Your behaviour this week has been nothing but low," she hissed.

"I'm eighteen, not five. God. Haven't you ever made a mistake in your life?"

She ignored me, yanking the gear stick and staring through the windscreen.

"I leave for the airport tomorrow lunch time," I said.

"Do you really trust him to take care of you? Really?"

I wanted to shout he's never lied to me, not like you! But it sounded so petty and c***dish, and there I was, about to go off in the world like somebody so much older. And Mom might have been a bitch half the time, but I didn't want to leave on bad terms.

"He's not like that. Not when you get to know him."

"You talk like you have some twisted little crush." She bit her lip. "Danni. At least take a while to think it through. I know it sounds exciting but a year is a long time, and Canada is a long way to go. If anything goes wrong, I can't just drive out to get you."

"I leave for the airport tomorrow at lunch time," I repeated. And that was that.

****

It was late afternoon on Saturday by the time we got home. I had less than twenty-four hours to pack, sl**p...and resolve a little unfinished business.

My room was littered with Esme's things: CDs from favourite bands we shared, clothes that still smelled like her sweet shop perfume, unfinished novels with their pages turned down. Silly pens with theatrical feathers. This was the part I dreaded most of all, but Esme deserved to get her stuff back. Deserved to know where I was going, too.

She only had older siblings, and they didn't live at home. I knew her parents played Bingo every Saturday teatime. I leaned against a tree opposite her house and waited for their silver Toyota to pull away before I hauled the box of Esme's things over. The doorbell squealed, and a great heap of memories struck me right on the bruised forehead with all the f***e of a grand piano. The first time I'd visited, it took me so long to work up the guts to ring that doorbell; still, I felt the prickle of nerves as I waited to see if she was home.

All of that felt so stale now. Vacant. Lost.

The version of Esme in the doorway looked like she felt the same way. Dressed in her old hockey uniform, hair unstyled, eyes still red; oh fuck. What had I done to her?

"I—I brought your stuff back," I stammered. What an idiot.

"I don't want it," she said blankly. Like I was a hologram and she barely remembered my name.

"I wondered if we could talk for a second." I stepped from foot to foot. "Just a second."

"You're not coming in." She took thick, hissing breaths through her teeth, as if she opened too wide, something horrible might escape. "So talk."

I put the box at her feet and stepped back. "I know it doesn't mean much...but God, I really am sorry."

"So am I." She gazed at my battered old trainers.

"And I know I don't deserve this, but Es...please don't tell anybody what you saw."

Her little blond eyebrows shot up, but she still wouldn't look at me. "You think I want to do you a favour?"

"No, but--"

"I haven't told anyone because it's bad enough that you cheated. Worse that it was with a man. But Danni, you were with your—your un...." She couldn't say it. Even when she shook her head to loosen the word, it wouldn't come. "I just don't want to think about it, okay?"

"Okay." I pressed my lips together. "Thank you."

"It's not for you," she snapped.

"I know. It's not what I meant."

We stood there in the doorway, avoiding each other's eyes. Our uneven breaths merged in an odd rasp of a symphony. I'd gone on holiday as Danni: Lesbian Architect and come home the queen of i****t and awkward silences. Score, eh?

"I've deferred my course," I blurted out.

"What? Why?"

"I'm taking a gap year. Going...travelling. Need to get my head sorted."

"You're going away?" she whimpered.

I nodded. As much as I hated to tell her another lie, I had to keep Gabe a secret. There was too much on the line now, and what good would it have done for her to know?

"You really don't want to be with me," she said, her voice cracking.

"Oh, Es. It wasn't like that. I loved all my time with you--"

"But not me." She sniffed. "You didn't love me."

"I did."

"Then stay." A single tear caught the light on her cheek, pouring a tiny shadow as it fell. "Pixie...please."

"I really can't. I'm sorry."

She kicked her box of belongings out of the way and threw her arms around me. Her hug was so soft, so familiar...the tears pricked my eyes too.

"I don't want you to go," she wept. "All sorts of horrid things happen to people who go travelling like that, it's not worth it..." She pulled back and brushed the hair from my forehead. "Gosh. Look what I did to you."

"Purple's not really my colour, is it?"

She laughed. "No. Fashion fail."

I gave her a squeeze before teasing her slim little fingers away, though they felt like lead weights. "I fucked things up with us. You deserve someone a lot better than me."

She glanced down at the heap of artefacts from our funeral pyre of a love affair. "I know you fucked up. But loving you doesn't go away."

God, I knew that. I knew just how that felt...but not with her. "Not even after what you saw?"

"No. That's how I know I love you, Danni."

I stared into her wet, glassy eyes, and wanted to tell her I knew how that felt, too. Even the words left unsaid between us were painful, let alone the ones we were brave enough to voice.

"I suck," I mumbled.

"You don't." She scooped up the card box and hugged it to her chest. "God, pixie, take care of yourself. If you get murdered by some weird tribe or d**g dealer, I'm gonna hunt you down and kill you all over again."

"I'll haunt your ass. Beat you to it."

"Maybe," she said softly. "Truth is, you kinda haunt me already."

****

I said goodbye to my room.

It seemed silly, in a way. I'd probably be back in a few months while all the visa stuff was sorted out, and besides, I'd planned on moving away soon, even if just to uni. But Mom was right—Canada, what with it being squillions of miles from here, was that bit further to go. Or to travel home.

Except I was about to make a new home with Gabe. He'd already texted me a picture of our new apartment; bijou, he called it. Which I'm pretty sure meant poky, but so long as it had a bed to call ours, who the hell cared? Couldn't get much worse than his shed-slash-cabin in Devon, though since we made those gorgeous memories there, even that place didn't seem so bad. And it had no internet. Or phone signal.

Weeks ago, when Gabe wrote the letter saying he was coming to see me, I'd brought new underwear for the occasion. Esme loved lacy things and I owned loads of that, but this needed to be different, like thinking about him while I chose made everything sexier. Three hours of shopping later, I'd come home with a jade green push-up bra, and matching boy shorts that said give peas a chance across my ass. He'd love them.

Tomorrow, I'd finally get to show them to him. We had an anonymous hotel room in an anonymous corridor, and if he fucked me like I'd begged him to, nobody would care. We could be noisy, naked, shower together afterwards. Kiss in the hall. Every new thought spiralled through me in a hot wave of excitement, and only my nerves kept my fingers out of my knickers.

The next time I came, it would all be for him.

EIGHT

Mom cried when I left. God, like there hadn't been enough tears in my life recently. Nice one, Mom. I might have cried too, but I won't admit it. So there.

I took the train to the hotel, my big purple suitcase stuffed to bulge at the seams (even though I'd left half my clothes behind because they were purchased on sprees with Esme, and were stitched and soaked in things I wanted to forget). It took two and a half long, travel-sick hours to reach the station, and since Saturday night had been another sl**pless stretch, I could barely keep my eyes open.

The sight of Gabe in the lobby was like a shot of adrenaline, stabbed right in my chest. Amid the buzz and clatter of the clean, modern hotel, he stood like a rock in a blistered rush of river: tall, sturdy, hair tucked behind his ears. His usual surfy t-shirt, this time paired with cargo pants. The ocean-whipped scent of him hit my nostrils before I reached his side.

"Good trip?" The grin split his face, made the corners of his eyes crinkle. So gorgeous.

"I'm knackered," I admitted.

He brushed the base of my spine just gently as he ushered me into the lift. "Not too knackered, I hope," he whispered.

I said nothing, but I blushed hard. Beneath my clothes, the pretty new knickers stuck to the wet line of my pussy.

He'd booked a large hotel room, and the king size bed clad in white sheets took centre stage. A widescreen TV loomed from one wall, and a desk littered with textbooks and files sat in the corner. His suitcase, spilling with its usual disarray, lay slain beside the sofa. Was there anything lovelier than a room slathered with Gabe?

"You like?" He came up behind me as I stared out of the window, and wrapped strong arms around my waist.

"Stunning view of the...tower blocks. And aircraft hangers."

"Cheeky mare." He pulled the hair from my shoulder and dropped his mouth to plant a sucking kiss. The pressure shot straight to my clit, and I backed into him, delighted to find the firm rise of his erection. "Soon, we'll be able to look out of our window and see mountains."

"In Canada?"

"Yep." He slid a hand under my t-shirt and caressed my stomach. Skin on skin...we'd had so little of that. "Just you, me, and the big bad world."

"And bears. They have bears there."

He laughed. "Not in the cities, trouble."

I rubbed my ass back into the hard cock awaiting me. "We're really doing this."

"O, brave new world, that has such things in it." He turned me. Shoved me right up against the wall beside the window, nearly pulling down the curtains in the process. Gabe's mouth on mine, his tongue curious, his thigh shoved between my knees so my pussy sat in just the right spot to ride...ah, I'd missed this so very badly. He knew everything I needed and then some, but it was the some part that made my nerves go soft at the edges.

"If you're going to quote Shakespeare at me," I mumbled into his warm neck, "I may have to suck you."

"Oh, Jesus, Danni. I'm not stopping you."

I was totally proud that I'd recognised Shakespeare, but three times as tingly that he wanted his cock in my mouth so bad (Mom would be impressed with her clever daughter, eh?). I slid to my knees, ignored the slight gristle of carpet, and tugged down the straining zipper of his fly. If it was up to me, I'd have him right then, but he stepped out of his clothes hurriedly.

"Better this way." He panted. "We can take everything off if we want to in here, babe." And he did want to. So did I. I leaned in to inhale the clean, hot scent of him, and remembered the naïve little things I'd said the first time we had sex; can we take our clothes off here? I plan on it, he'd chuckled.

Back then—and it seemed so long ago in desire-steeped minutes—I was the student, and he the teacher. On a balmy afternoon, he taught me to suck him in the syrupy shadows of his cabin. Now I cupped his cock at the thick root, licked my lips, smiled up at him. He reached to pull my t-shirt up and take off the jade green bra. With my breasts spilling out, he was happy...and needed the feel of my throat. So I gave it to him. At his familiar sharp intake of breath, I mewed.

Gabe scooped my hair up in fistfuls, and began to fuck my mouth. He knew just the angle to tip my chin to, just the pace to make me open enough to take all of him. I curved my tongue around his head to catch all the sweet spots, and with every thrust in, his curses grew louder.

"That's it, baby. So good at that." One hand traced down to tease my nipple. "Forgotten just how gorgeous you look on your knees for me."

Already, I tasted his thick little ribbon of pre-come. His cockhead bulged to let go of it, and he moaned with relief as it eased. Such a state I got him into....if only he could see how I'd drenched the new knickers. I'd show him, soon. I'd lie back and spread myself, let him get a good look at exactly what he was throwing on a plane as his.

"Danni..." He caught my chin to still me, the breath spewing from behind his teeth. "God knows, I want to come like this...but I want you to be first."

I licked all the way up his shaft, teasing the frenulum. "I don't mind."

"I do." He pulled me up by the shoulders for a slow kiss. "Let's get you out of those clothes, and on to the bed. I've got two months of frustration to lay on that little ass of yours."

Every muscle in my pelvis lurched inward, at those words. I giggled like a d***k as I yanked my skirt down and then fell on the bed as I kicked off my shoes. Gabe appeared behind me, smoothing his big hands across my ass cheeks.

"Give peas a chance." He laughed. "Very funny, trouble."

I wiggled my hips at him. "You like? I picked them just for you."

"I do." He peeled the gusset away from my pussy and slid a finger right in. It hit my cervix with a blunt thump, and I yelped. "Easy, now."

The finger flexed inside me, searching for the right spot. Another hip wriggle helped him to find it. Then he circled the soft pillow of flesh there, pressing in, rolling over. I didn't recognise my own voice when I squealed for him, but what else could I do when he made me pull so tight?

"Nobody gets ready for me like this," he murmured. "Nobody but you." Then he withdrew, helped me out of the knickers, and tossed me on to my back. I landed on cool sheets with an empty thud of tired mattress.

Gabe came over me, naked, balanced on his hands and knees. I nudged through his cascade of dark blond hair to find the mouth so adept at kisses. I didn't know what I needed more; to be licked, fucked, or just held until my ribcage caved and there was nothing but a bl**dy heap of me. I'd been reduced to similar, denied this for so long.

"The way you came on me the other night," he whispered. "It was beautiful. We should've found a way to do this sooner."

"Doesn't matter."

"Not now, no." He took his teeth to my nipples, grazing the tiny, stiff peaks. "We've been lucky."

I grinned down at him. "I'm feeling pretty lucky right now."

"Mmm." He worked down to the spread of my thighs, where I lay wet and open for him. Prepared for his want. My clit felt sticky in the cool air, but the heat of his tongue soothed that, ushered a new ache.

When Esme went down on me, she'd often lick right beneath the hood of my clit straight away, go in for the rawest spot. It was what she needed to come, after all. Gabe wasn't like that. He stuck to the sides of the little bud, mashing it between his lips until the tease made me buck like a mad thing. Like he encouraged me to just use him, get myself off. This time, his fingers stayed away from the depths of my pussy too; he just toyed with the lips. Pinched. Pulled. Stroked around the edges. I wet him anyway, and when his fingers grew damp enough, they walked along the sopping crack to reach my asshole.

"Gabe--"

"Shh." He used one tip just to stretch the opening, to pull it apart. "Let me touch you here. While I lick you. It's all I've been thinking about."

"O-okay." My thighs trembled as he kept up the pressure on my clit, and now the rest of my body began to shake as he eased a finger in. I'd never been so much as brushed in that spot, so when his mouth left my pussy to trace the rim of my hole, I moaned out loud with the shock.

His finger felt strange, but not unwelcome. Not as weird as I'd expected it to be. There was a heaviness back there, as if he really did intrude—my pussy was made for him, but not my anus. This place, he violated...and when I thought about the nature of our relationship, older uncle with his little niece, it seemed fitting that he should want me there. As if I needed anything else to turn me on...

After a moment or so, he returned to my clit, where his free hand peeled my flesh back so he could eat the bud whole. If we'd been out in the woods then, I'd have scared the a****ls—I just got so loud. He felt good—so good that I begged him to fuck me---but it was more than that. Months of deprivation, desperation. Now he finally had me, and this tease...so cruel.

When the begging got too much for him, he kissed his way up my belly, laid a sucking bite on each breast, and lifted my thighs with the sweep of an arm. I teared up. What the hell was wrong with me? Just the relief of the manoeuvre, the knowledge he'd be in me soon—then his cock hit my pussy lips, all bl**d-stuffed and leaden, and--

Oh. Ohohoh. I'd felt open, but the way he stretched those tissues only a cock could reach, holy crap. Maybe it was the way he had my legs right back, the careful in-and-out roll of his hips, the euphoric give inside me with every new thrust, but just ohohoh. Like that. Faster. Pleaseplease. Right there, please there...

We grew sweaty together. Burned calories and bad memories. I'd never felt so wet in my life; between my thighs, the beads that dripped down my breasts, the sheen of damp on my belly. Even beneath his tan, his cheeks flushed with the effort to please me, and pleasure was a paradox of an orange, wrung in greater quantities the longer we twisted and juiced. After a while, those strong fingers of his crept back to tap my clit soundly, and the burst of my orgasm sent my bunching fists for the sheets.

I still bleated from the aftershocks when he flipped me. My belly stuck to the bed, and it was an odd contortion, my thighs still wide with him between them. He smacked my ass, patted it, rubbed in circles, and then the familiar wet lap of his tongue landed on my asshole.

Oh God, he wanted that. To fuck me there. And I'd let him do it, even if he didn't know that yet. He spat on the ring of muscle, working it in with his finger, that weird heaviness growing deep inside me to meet and ache with his touch.

"Gabe...it-it hurts," I managed.

"Just relax." He kissed along my buttocks as his finger worked. "Trust me. You can do that, can't you, baby? I'll have you so ready..."

He said similar when he took my virginity, and that was a promise he kept. A need underscored his tone, too; we were about to move in together, in a strange place across the world. It called for me to give him something big, and this was it. Like a display of confidence.

When the heel of his hand found my clit again, it became so much more than that.

He laid me so that every time I pushed back on to him, I'd fall forward to massage my clit on his hand. I wriggled for the pleasure of it before his cock thumped against my asshole, and then, when he began to push in...

"Oh my God--"

"Just slow. Nice and slow." He rubbed my ass in soothing circles, easing himself in inch by inch. It did hurt, and I moaned for him, but the hand at my clit served as a pleasing distraction whenever I was tempted to stop. And such a deviant, my evil uncle; he loved my protests. My torrid noise.

"There." He sighed, planted firmly in my ass. "All in. Not so bad, is it, trouble?"

"No, ah--" Then he moved. It felt like going to the toilet and being fucked all at once, like I couldn't put the sensations together.

"Focus on your clit." He pressed his knuckles into it. "Don't even think about where I am."

"Okay...oh..." We fell into a slow, steady rhythm, my next orgasm at one end and my full ass at another. With my eyes closed, I was able to blend the two. Take him. Enjoy him. "Maybe a little faster, just a little..."

"That's my good girl." He groaned. "That's my tight little niece. I'm so far in, you should see..."

Didn't care. I was catapulted back to the d***k place where I came and came, unaware of my name, age, anything. Another climax loomed, thicker and heavier this time, and I had to stay here to find it. Just a little longer, right there, and like that with his fingers--

"Gabe, ah..." My muscles all bunched together and then recoiled, searing me. "I'm coming!"

He thrust harder. Hurt me. I didn't care. Soon the warm spill of his cum filled me—I felt it so much more in my asshole—and though I couldn't see it, I knew he bit right down on his lip while he came. This, this, this. We'd waited two months. Finally.

Then came the sweetest part of all: lying in his arms, our skin stuck together by sweat and sex, his breath pouring down to make my nipples peak. When you're just desperate to have that person inside you, you forget this bit. And then it happens and it's the best. Thing. Ever.

"Do you think this is enough?" I whispered.

"Hmm?"

I rolled over to stroke the hair from his eyes, his pupils still black and swollen. "All this. For Canada, living together, everything."

"You mean is friendship and love and amazing sex enough to keep us together?" He grinned. "Danni. What else could we possibly need?"

I shrugged. "I don't know. Time, I guess."

"To know each other." He kissed my upper lip. "I know you. I spent hours on the phone exploring you, even if we didn't get that much time in the flesh. And God knows, what with our situation...do you think I'd take such a risk for anything less?"

"I'm not getting cold feet. It's not that. I just don't want to let you down."

"Baby. Let me tell you." He wound his arms about me tighter, gave me a squeeze. "We're going to go over there, and we'll just be two people with the same surname. Hell, we'll even spin some line about how it hooked us up. We'll make new friends, and have our own place with our own things..."

"And eat road kill moose while we listen to Celine Dion." I giggled.

"Sounds pretty damn perfect to me."

"Can we barbecue the moose?"

"Whatever you want."

"Can we barbecue Celine Dion?"

"As a matter of public service." He slowed for a real kiss, a hungry one. "You give me somewhere to belong, do you know that?"

I nodded. We weren't just lovers any more; we'd fused to become a time, a place.

"We'll have to tell Mom one day," I said quietly.

"We'll cross that bridge when we come to it. And from Canada...it's a long fucking bridge."

****

The airport thrummed with a hundred different accents, a dozen languages, a pantheon of muted skin. Flight 742 left for Canada in eighty two minutes, said the loudspeaker, and the staff at the luggage check-in mucked up and called me Mrs. Warren twice.

I blushed with heat and panic, but Gabe squeezed my hand and just gave them a nod.

Before I switched my phone off, it buzzed with a text.

Take care of each other. & send me a postcard or something. Tay x

I bashed in a quick thank you, gave Gabe my hand luggage, and we walked on into the duty free. After I'd assaulted the pick'n'mix stand, we stood against the lounge windows and watched planes launch into foamy clouds. I thought about how Gabe screwed everything up for himself (and my mom, apparently) on Earth Day, how he'd been performing a kind of life conservation ever since. And I thought about how if my dad had stuck around, my life would've been different. I wouldn't have been standing here with my uncle at an airport, about to board a flight to a life with new skin.

"Come here." Gabe pulled me into his arms. I was hesitant for a moment, but then I realised: we could do this here. Anything we liked. Nobody knew. And my grin was as wide as his.

Gabe kissed me, his hands in my hair and his teeth at my lips. Teeth belonged in our kisses, reminded us of the edge we teetered on so long until we found the courage to run and soar. As we drew back, the notes of a familiar tune spilled from the radio speakers: Taylor's Foo Fighters song.

Another plane took off and the air roared through its engines. It spewed white lines in the sky, and with Gabe's cheek on mine, we traced them along the glass.

Make my way back home when I learn to fly...

END


... Continue»
Posted by swapx 2 years ago  |  Categories: Taboo  |  Views: 2754  |  
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A Great Reason to Have a s****r!!! (Part 3)

"Oh yes, very, very nice Heather. It really does."

"Good!" she chirped. "I'm glad! And whenever you feel like doing something that makes you feel good, don't worry about your little s****r. She understands."

She smiled at him, then slapped her forehead, almost dropping the towel completely.

"Wow, I got to get going, or I'll be late for my date!" She ran down the hall to her room, in her haste whipping off the towel just before disappearing inside. Jamie closed his eyes and leaned against the wall, holding onto the brief image of her nude body he had just been treated to. His mind was chaotic with mixed emotions, and he felt exhausted.

He made his way back to the kitchen and tried to finish cleaning up, but his hands were trembling so badly that he almost dropped the dishes. He decided to leave it for later, and went into the living room to calm down. He lay down on the couch and closed his eyes, listening to his heart, which was still beating rapidly. After about five minutes, Heather came clicking down the hall. She was dressed in a tight red dress and heels.

"Jamie, I need a quick opinion – for a hot date, should it be these..."

She stood in front of him and lifted her dress to reveal a pair of tight cotton bikini panties. She turned around to afford him a view from the rear.

"...or these?" In one swift motion she pushed down her panties, lowering the dress at the same time, then stepped into another pair that she was carrying with her, and pulled them up snuggly, lifting the dress again. This time it was a black thong, just a tiny triangle in front, and invisible in back. She stood in front of Jamie with the dress pulled up to her waist, awaiting his recommendation. He was almost catatonic, staring between her legs and all but drooling with lust.

"Those," he managed to say, "definitely those."

"Oh, good!" she said. "I thought so, too, but I just wanted to make sure. Well, bye! Don't wait up for me."

She tossed the nylon panties onto the coffee table, then ran to the door and was gone. Jamie groaned and almost sobbed in frustration. He hastily pushed down his jeans and threw them aside, and reached for the discarded panties, still warm from Heather's sex. For the next hour they were used to ravish and pleasure his desperate cock; he managed at the last moment to avoid soiling them.

* * * * *

The next day Heather was very quiet around the house - cheerful, but quiet. She hummed snatches of tunes continually, and seemed very pleased with herself. Whenever Jamie caught her eye she smiled at him and winked, but otherwise didn't communicate much. Just once during the day, as she walked passed him with some laundry, she went up to him and whispered, "You were so right!" When he looked at her questioningly she just wrinkled her nose in a nasty grin and curled her tongue to her upper lip, then went about her business, giggling. He was wracked with curiosity and jealousy, but was too proud to beg her for details.

Finally, as they sat on the couch later that evening, she relented.

"So, Teacher," she said coyly, "you interested in hearing how things went with your prize student? Want to hear how she did with her homework?"

He looked at her with a strained smile. "You know I do, Heather. Are you ready to tell me now?"

"Well, I don't know," she teased. "It is rather personal, so maybe I should just whisper..."

She moved closer to him on the couch began to whisper in his ear descriptions of what she had done with her boyfriend the night before. She told him about how she had followed his advice, how she had started by stroking the boy's cock with one finger, very slowly and lightly, teasing him to get him worked up and wanting more. "It was so great," she whispered, "it was just like you said – he was moaning like crazy and begging me not to stop. Sometimes I did stop, just to get him going more, then I'd start again after he begged me." Her whisper grew more excited as she told this to her b*****r, and she put an arm around his shoulder to get closer to him, and rested her other hand on his leg.

"You should have seen it, Jamie, his cock got really big and hard! It felt so nice and warm in my hand, and I touched it just the way you told me to, up and down the underside, and teasing that little spot just below the head. Ooooo, he got so hot when I did that, Jamie, he just couldn't stay still! It was so easy to get him excited, and so much fun! I'd touch him in those places you told me about, then stop and ask him if he wanted some more – he always said yes, and beg and moan. It was so great!"

Jamie's erection grew steadily as he listened to his s****r's erotic descriptions. His eyes were closed, and his mind was filled with fevered images of his cock-teasing little s****r as she worked on her boyfriend. He could feel her hair brushing against his cheek as she whispered to him, and sometimes her lips touched his ear, giving him a sensual thrill that caused his erection to throb and twitch. He was so excited, and so envious.

"I did it for a long time, Jamie, a real long time, keeping him right on the edge, just like you told me. Then I let him do things to me – mmmmmm it was so nice, he knew just what to do, it felt soooooo good! I felt like I just couldn't get enough, I never knew I could get my legs spread that wide." Jamie stopped breathing for several seconds, straining to capture that image in his overwrought mind. "I'm afraid I didn't last long, I guess since I was already so excited by what I had done to him! So I went back to work on him, since he hadn't come yet, and was still big and hard. This time I used my mouth on him, just like you explained to me." She went on to describe in breathy detail the long, drawn-out blowjob she had inflicted on her boyfriend, tantalizing and teasing him cruelly, until she had finally pushed him over the edge. "He spurted buckets, all over the place! It was so messy, but so much fun! You could probably hear him in the next town when he exploded!"

Heather stopped whispering to her b*****r, and sat back on the couch. Her pretty face was flushed, and she was breathing rapidly as she straightened her hair.

"Whew!" she said. "I didn't mean to go on like that! I just got so excited thinking about it that I guess I got on a roll and couldn't stop. Hope I didn't embarrass you, Jamie."

Jamie could barely speak. He took a small couch cushion and put it in his lap to hide his rigid hard-on, and did his best to smile. "No, its fine, Heather, don't worry. It sounds like you paid attention to your lessons, all right."

She grinned. "Glad you think so," she said. "You're a good teacher!" Then she said good night and headed off to bed.

* * * * *

That night Jamie had trouble sl**ping. His mind was filled with maddening images of Heather and the scene she had described to him in her tantalizing whisper. He moaned with jealousy and frustration as he imagined himself in place of her boyfriend, being driven mad by her gentle hands and exquisite cock-teasing, and oh! – just imagine how her mouth and tongue would feel, flicking and swirling mercilessly all over his cock, barely touching it, tormenting it!

His erection had not abated, and he started to stroke. He was masturbating more often now, at least once a day, sometimes more. But tonight his cock was like a sullen, unquiet a****l. It was troubled and dissatisfied, and didn't want simply to be pleasured and put to rest. It wanted more excitement.

He got up and wandered around the apartment, not knowing what to do with himself. There was a full moon, and pools of cool light shone on the floor and furniture. He drank a glass of water, and then started back toward to his bedroom. Looking down the hall, he saw that Heather's bedroom door was open. He moved toward it, hesitantly, fighting an inner battle as he went - he shouldn't do this, this isn't right, don't invade her privacy! The moon was streaming through the bedroom window, and the sl**ping girl was fully illuminated in her bed. She was on her back, with her arms resting on the pillow, stretched over her head. As usual, she had worn to bed just a t-shirt and cotton bikini panties. The shirt was swelled out with the thrust of her breasts, and even from across the room Jamie could see her nipples pressing out through the thin fabric. He lost his battle; moaning softly with aching desire, he moved into her room and went to her bed.

He looked down at her, holding his breath, fearful of waking her. But her breathing was audible and regular, indicating that she was deeply asl**p. Her mouth was partly open, her head turned slightly away from him. Her arms on the pillow gave the impression of being held down, as if her wrists were bound, and she was struggling to free herself. The t-shirt was slightly too small for her, and the size and shape of her lovely breasts were clearly delineated. Her legs were extended straight toward the foot of the bed, spread somewhat apart. The firmness of her bottom caused her pelvis to be slightly raised, so that her panties were stretched tightly over the well-defined curve of her pubic mound.

Jamie gazed on her in growing lust, and pushed his boxers down to the floor. He was now standing naked over the adorable girl, his rigid, throbbing erection hovering inches from her voluptuous body. The erotic image of his engorged penis so close to the object of its lust caused him to moan softly, and he imagined he could almost hear his cock speaking urgently to him, yes! yes! that's what I want, that's what you need!

Surrendering completely to temptation, he kneeled down beside the bed and reached out for Heather's breasts. He touched very hesitantly at first, testing for any sign that she might awaken. Her breathing didn't change, so he was emboldened to caress her further: with his throbbing cock standing stiffly erect as he knelt, he cupped both his hands over her delicious globes, and moved his palms gently all over her bust, from the sides inward, up and down, squeezing to feel their wonderful, firm elasticity. They were warm in his hands, and he pressed from the sides, feeling their voluptuous weight, and massaged her erect nipples with this thumbs. He was fascinated with those nipples, so pert and hard even in sl**p; he gently played with them with his fingertips, pinching them slightly to make them harder, feeling through the thin fabric of her shirt the texture of the aureoles that surrounded them.

His excitement was growing as he touched her, even as the rising guilt he felt about what he was doing was nagging at him. Gazing at her lovely face, he began to stroke his greedy cock, while he slowly reached down between her legs to gently caress her sweet vulva through her panties. He could feel the texture of her sparse bush, and lower down the warm, moist crevice of her girlish labia. He moaned with frustration as he fondled her and stroked himself, for he knew deep down that he would never be able have this delicious girl, his s****r, his sweet, tantalizing s****r, this young, voluptuous body that was driving him crazy now as he touched and fondled, and as he teased his own cock to greater and greater desire and need. The mixture of lust and frustration, of pleasure and taunting denial was maddening and intoxicating, and he never wanted it to end!

But finally he could take no more – sitting back on his heels he grasped his cock and balls in both hands and stroked unrelentingly. He exploded in orgasm, the sweet, urgent pleasure fusing in his mind with the image of Heather lying tempting and vulnerable before of him.

Wiping the sperm from his stomach and chest with his shorts, he staggered back to his own room. He lay in bed staring at the ceiling, deeply ashamed of what he had just done; yet he was driven to masturbate once more to the memory of it, before he finally fell asl**p.

* * * * *

The next day, as he and Heather rushed about getting ready for their day, Jamie watched her face closely for any sign that she may have been aware of what he did in her room during the night. There wasn't any; she was her usual cheerful self, and obviously had no idea that her b*****r had groped and fondled her for his masturbation enjoyment.

For that is what it was, he told himself after she had left for school. I used my s****r's body as a sex object, just to get my rocks off! Yes, a little voice in his mind whispered to him – and you loved it, didn't you? He groaned, realizing it was true – he had loved feeling her tits and pussy like that, just loved it! Next time maybe he could get his hands under her clothes to touch the real thing, maybe he could take his hard cock and...

Oh my god! he thought to himself in despair. What kind of monster am I turning into? First I spy on her in the shower, then I jerk off while I feel her up! She's my s****r, my little s****r – ohhhh but she gets me so hot! I need her so much, my cock needs her!

He thought that perhaps he should try to get help, from a counselor or a psychiatrist – but he knew that this would never happen. He would never do anything that might get in the way of the dark, secret pleasures he was having with Heather. She was driving him crazy with lust and frustration, and he was being led deeper and deeper into dangerous temptations – but he didn't want it to stop. He had known that something like this would happen when he decided to let her move in, that his life might become an erotic torment. It was just something he'd have to learn to deal with. It was torture - and he loved it.

* * * * *

A few days later they were sitting on the couch after dinner, and Heather was doing her usual thing with the ice cream carton. She did it a lot (she liked ice cream), and Jamie never tired of watching her pink tongue do its work. She was wearing the same t-shirt and panties she'd worn the night he played with her as she slept, and this was helping to keep him in a pleasant state of arousal.

"You know, Jamie," she said as she twirled her tongue around the spoon, "I don't think you really believed me the other night." She dipped into the carton for the last dollop.

"Hm? What do you mean, Heather?" he asked, taken aback.

"When I told you about what I did with Chris – I don't think you really believed I did all that."

"I believed you," he insisted. "Why would you think I didn't?"

"Well," she said, giving the spoon one last lick and suck, "you were real quiet, and you said something sort of lame about my doing good on my lessons." She put the empty carton on the coffee table, and sat back with her elbow on the back of the couch. She rested her cheek against her fist and regarded her b*****r. "So?" she challenged.

"I believed you, Heather, really! You must have seen how interested I was in your story."

"Well, I'm not convinced," she said. "I think you were just trying to be nice."

Jamie threw his hands up, exasperated. "I don't know what else I can say to make you believe me," he laughed. "I give up!"

"You don't have to give up," she responded with a grin. "I have a plan."

"A plan."

"Yes, a plan. The way I figure, if you were somehow able to actually see me and Chris together – well, seeing is believing, right?"

"You want me to watch you and Chris make love?" He was incredulous.

"Well, not everything," she said, a little embarrassed. "Just the part where I ... use my 'lessons'."

"So let's see," he said sarcastically, "I walk into the room and pull up a chair, and I say, 'Oh, don't mind me, just carry on with what you were doing. Nice weather we're having, by the way...'." He shook his head. "I don't think so, s*s!"

She scowled at him. "Think you're so smart, don't you? Well listen to this, Mr. Smartypants – can you think of something I have in my room, that you have in yours, too?"

"A bed?"

"Besides the bed – something you get a lot of use out of, a lot of ... pleasant use."

He frowned, puzzled.

"Something," she continued, "that takes the place of magazines." She grinned at him, a challenging smirk.

"Oh," he mumbled sheepishly. "The computer."

"Right!" she said, clapping her hands. "And what does my computer have, and yours too, that could be used to see, uh, things?"

His eyes widened. "Heather, you don't mean..."

"Yes!" she interrupted. "The webcam! It's perfect!"

"I don't know," he said, rubbing his chin, "that might be kind of..."

"No, listen, listen!" she interrupted, "it would be so easy, and I have it all figured out! All we have to do is get it set up with the instant messenger thing and hide the little camera somehow, then you can just watch on your computer! Get it?"

Jamie thought about it, and started to get interested – more than interested, he was getting excited. "So you would just bring him here? What about me? Wouldn't it be awkward having me here?"

"Yes, that's why you won't be here. At least that's what I'll tell Chris. I'll tell him you're out doing something, but you'll actually be in your room, being very quiet. We'll only be here for as long ... well, as long as it takes. He's not going to sl**p over or anything."

"And what about Chris," Jamie asked, "don't you feel a little, well, sneaky, doing this to him?"

"It's only going to be for this one time," she protested. "Besides, it's for my 'education'." She winked at Jamie. "The more I learn about this 'subject', the better it will be for him. Anyway," she continued, "if he found out about it, I have the feeling he'd get off on it."

So Jamie agreed to go along with her plan. After a little experimentation they managed to get the computers communicating with instant messenger, with the output of Heather's webcam appearing on Jamie's computer. Heather put the cam on a chair next to her bed, and covered it with a shirt, with just the lens peeking out. They arranged the chair so that when Heather kneeled on the floor beside her bed, Jamie had a perfect close-up view of her head and shoulders from the side on his monitor. Their preparations made, they waited for the weekend.

* * * * *

"Come on in here, lover, it's more comfortable."

Jamie got off his bed and hurried to the computer when he heard Heather's voice coming from the speakers. It was about 11:00 at night, and he had been dozing, waiting for Heather to bring her date home to start the show, or what they had been calling her "final exam", or her "orals."

He heard some indistinct sounds of movement and shuffling around, then what sounded like passionate sighs. He assumed they were kissing. Heather had assured him that she would get Chris maneuvered toward the bed as quickly as she could, so there shouldn't be too long to wait before he could start checking out her technique.

Sure enough, after a minute or two he saw blurred images of legs pass across his screen, followed by the bright splash of Heather's red dress. She was wearing the same dress as she had on their first "hot" date – she told Jamie that Chris liked it; it turned him on. Small wonder, thought Jamie, she looks like a total slut in it!

When the movement on the screen settled down, Jamie saw Heather very clearly, stripped down to her bra and panties, on her knees between Chris's legs as he lay back on the bed. She looked into the camera briefly and winked, then busied herself with Chris. Jamie realized that she was pulling his trousers down to his ankles, followed by his underwear. He got closer to the monitor, starting to get excited – she's really doing it, he thought to himself, I'm actually going to see her do it. He lowered his boxers, and set to work on his growing erection.

Heather was true to her word: she had learned her lessons well. Chris's sighs of pleasure came through the speakers as she began to caress his cock, slowly and deliberately, taking care to tantalize him with brief touches around his most erotically sensitive areas, running her fingertips up the underside of his member and stopping just before she reached the ultra sensitive spot below the head. She giggled when he begged her not to stop, and placed a delicate little kiss on that center of pleasure, then continued dancing her fingertips all around it. Chris groaned in a mixture of ecstasy and frustration, while she went happily on with her cock-tease, wicked and unrelenting.
... Continue»
Posted by tcg 3 years ago  |  Categories: Fetish, Taboo, Voyeur  |  Views: 4202  |  
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How I Came To Be... Vampire Pt. 1



PRELUDE

I haven't been a vampire for very long, only a little over a century. It was something one never sees coming, one most never hope for, but it happens more often than people realized back then...or now.

THE EARLY YEARS

I was a very good girl, I did what my parents told me to do, and I was innocent and from a wealthy f****y, meant to marry whom my father thought best for me. Even though, I did know what sex was, my maids and the help did have rumps in the hay often enough that I had seen it. I would watch the help's hands play under the maid's skirt and sometimes I would try to do that late at night by myself but after I gave myself great pleasure, but then I would feel guilty and stop. Even when I went through puberty I tried to get the help's attentions, but they knew that more than their jobs were at stake if they were to get caught with me. So I became cool to men, I did not trust them; instead I trusted my mother and keeping my virtue intact for my husband.

Eventually my father chose me a husband; he was from another well off f****y who lived in Europe, although he and his servants were the only ones here in the States. Thus a grand party was set up to have us meet my future husband and to announce the upcoming wedding something that would happen mare days apart. Most of town's high society would attend, so a majestic dress was made for the occasion of bl**d red velvet, how fitting.

At the party I was to make my entrance after most of the people had already arrived, how excited I was when I was waiting to see him, I glimpsed him as his carriage pulled up late this afternoon but I was called from the window to have my hair set for the party. Finally they called for me and I gracefully walked down the stairs to meet my husband-to-be, my fate. The crowd cheered for us once my hand met his as he guided me through the congratulations and best wishes, but my heart ran cold, his eyes were piercing. James was tall and lean with flawless skin that was a tad too porcelain as if he was a c***d's doll and not a man of flesh. I found myself wanting to break from him and return to my room in a mad dash, but I willed myself forward. My father had my best intentions at heart and would want me to be happy with the choices that he has made for me, so I plastered a smile on my face and greeted my neighbors.

As the party progressed the liquor ran freely and the patrons did not know the amount they were consuming, thus made it easy for my imminent husband to sneak me off to a secluded room in which he wanted to know me better. Although the chill was still in my heart my curiosity outweighed it as well as my chaste upbringing, which never allowed me alone in the presence of a man. His eyes burned into my being, seeing my very soul, knowing I was pure, untouched. James, as was his name, spoke softly and eloquently as one did in Europe with proper education that I was sure his f****y bought for him.

"Do you feel affection for me, I know it was your father's choice but I do not want you to feel like you have to be with me?"

"I would be honored if you were to wed me sir."

"So you would like to live a long and prosperous life and remain beautiful and youthful?"

I automatically said, "Yes sir" although I was starting to question why he was asking.

I could see a longing burning in his eyes as they passed over me, one that I had seen in the helps' eyes when they passed my maids, it frightened me but also excited me. He asked one more question, one that I had expected really, "If we were to wed, would you leave you parents and return to Europe with me?"

It took me longer to reply but it was the same, "Yes, I would leave my parents."

His eyes burned with endless passion for me, as he thought he had found his perfect partner after so very many years of searching. He saw my virtue, my obedience, my love; he leaned forward, his hand rising to gently touch my cheek. I nuzzled it and a smile was brought to his lips, then he brought his hand down and across my jaw line, bringing it back to cup the back of my neck. With his other hand resting on my leg, I use my last defenses, "We should wait until after the wedding or it won't be right."

To this he calmly states, "I do not think the wedding is necessary, but I must make you mine first before anything else happens."

"Isn't that what a wedding means?" I ask, not quite sure where he is taking this if a wedding was not important to him, the chill back in my heart.

"I must make you perfect for me, although you are nearly there, you require one last thing to ensure that you will be perfect forever and it will join you to me, more than any false preaching of some old man." With this he brought his other hand from my leg to my neck bringing me forward into his kiss.

My first instinct was to pull away but his hands where like metal bars holding me still as his cold yet passion filled lips pressed into mine. He pressed and pushed open my mouth for his slimy tongue to invade my mouth, but I remanded still unable to stop what was happening to me, only able to watch and feel. The fervor rose in him and as quick as I thought NO! he snapped my head away and bit into my exposed flesh of my neck with teeth I did not know he possessed. The pain was incredible, I lost the ability to speak as the black dots plagued my vision, and my mouth remained open from the unwanted kiss. I felt his mouth over the wound sucking away my bl**d, my life; but then I felt him bring something to my mouth.

"Drink it up, NOW!" I sucked on it, and found it tasted coppery but it revived me with a fire coursing though my body, the blackness receded and I saw that it was his forearm at my mouth. He made me suck his bl**d, his life, his curse. I was to be his new lover, but not as a woman but as vampire, to match himself.

He laid me down on the couch we were sitting on, "Rest now my love, achieve your new found strength and then we will hunt. I will return to the party to assure the guests arrive home safely."

I couldn't keep my eyes open any longer once he had left the room, so I succumbed to sl**p.

MY FIRST NIGHT

I awoke hours later, it was still dark out but I could see every piece of furniture in the room as if it was dusk not night. As I looked around I found that I could focus on an object and see every detail of it, the grain of the wood and the memory that was locked to it. But before I could investigate my new sight farther James was beside me, I visibly startled.

"I'm sorry love, you will get used to me moving too quickly for you to see, but I will try not to do it too much around you to begin with. How are you feeling love?"

"I'm feeling alright sir, but I can see differently now, better in the dark and much more detailed than before."

"Your abilities are developing, you will find as time goes on you will have better control over them and they will also grow and strengthen. Each one of us has their own powers although we all have incredible strength and immortality."

"You mean we can never die?"

"We cannot parish from old age or diseases, but if you were to get stabbed in the heart or caught in a fire you will cease living."

"What did you make me?!"

"If we were given a name it would be vampire but that does not mean that we are not human, we are above them, the next generation of them, superior. There is a lot of false attributes that generations past have placed on the name of vampire that is not quite true. We do not parish from the sun, although I would not recommend going outside while the sun is up your dark sensitive eyes will not be able to take that much light and it will pain you as your skin is now extremely sensitive to sunburn. I can tolerate some sun, but it comes with age but even still I do not go out until closer to dusk or just after dawn. Also we do not all fear the cross only those that think that god will no longer except them and they will go to hell, but that is their faith not vampires as a whole."

I stared long and hard at him and found that I was getting a version of the real man, like the object's memory. He was a lonely man, weakened from hopelessness, yearning for someone to understand him. My new abilities allowed me to get a sense of who the person really was, to truly see them for whom they are, and sense their feelings.

I fell into his arms and wept on his shoulder, "What does it mean for me? And why am I so very hungry?"

He gave a chuckle, "I know my love the first night is the hardest, but I am here to teach you the ways of our kind. As for what it means for you, you are bonded to me, as I am the one that made you stronger. I will allow you to stay here with your f****y for one year, but since you will never age you cannot ever see them after that. If you were to tell them about your new found strength they will likely not believe you or even turn on you, so it is best to only talk about it with me or my few friend that stop in from time to time. As a consequence of this new life we must get you some nourishment, come with me."

We left the room and the house; I was surprised how well I could see every object in the dark of the early morning. I followed him to a secluded spot at the back of our property where there was a young man passed out from drinking too much. I gave James a questioning look. Yet I could smell the liquor on him and even more illusory I thought I could smell his bl**d and I grew even hungrier.

"He was a serving boy for one of the guests but found that drinking was more enjoyable than serving. Now all you must do is pierce him and drink his bl**d."

My jaw dropped, "I have to drink his bl**d!"

"Yes we must drink bl**d to stay alive otherwise you will sicken and parish if it goes too long. Human bl**d is the most refreshing but you can feed on the bl**d of a****ls if it is necessary, but you will find it doesn't quench the thirst like human does. Also for your mind and heart you will find that it is better to drink from the wicked than the innocent, you will learn to love their bl**d over all else."

My senses were in overdrive, I could smell his bl**d just below the surface of his skin, my heart thundered, and my stomach felt like I hadn't eaten in a week. I gave in to my urges and dove forward my sharp teeth that I hadn't felt there before broke his skin and brought forth his bl**d, his life. I drank greedily and so deeply that I did not hear when his heart stopped beating, I had taken his life. Once I came off of his wound and felt his bl**d dripping from my lips, I felt myself sicken with guilt and horror of what I had just done.

"Yes you are so new at this; I have forgotten how hungry and desperate the young are. You will learn how to keep them alive to pump more bl**d into you, how to make it so that they are not afraid or hurt when you pierce them, but this will come quickly. Come now we will find you one more for tonight then we must retire as I am sure you are most tired from your changes."

I simply looked at the body of the boy, I could feel his bl**d coursing through me relieving some of my hunger yet I could still feel him. I looked at the wound I had made in his neck and couldn't believe that my teeth could do that, that I could do that. He had made me a monster. I ran my tongue over my new teeth and pierced it; I let out a cry of sudden pain.

"Yes, best to clean up that wound, since you have already injured your own tongue just let a bit of your bl**d hit his wound and it should close as he is still fresh. Our bl**d will heal minor things in humans but it heals us if we should get cuts or such. Well best to get going, they will find him in the morning and think it was the drinks that did him in."

I watched his neck become whole again and wondered what else this horrible bl**d was capable of. In spite of it all I followed him into the night to find my next victim, my next meal.

We went to the meager side of town to a tavern, I was told to wait outside as he went inside to find an evil man for me to drink from. Luckily James was quick about it and had a large man walking unsteadily next to him when they exited. I looked at the man, he was broad and well muscled, but I could see into him and found a memory of him killing a f****y for money and treasures to buy drinks with. I instantly found I did not pity him whatsoever, a death for deaths seemed very fair.

As he came nearer I smelled his bl**d coursing through his body and I looked to James to signal that I could rip his neck and feed upon his very life-source.

James said to the man, "Here is the beauty that I was telling you about, isn't see so fine?" He waited for the man to nod, "Don't you want her to kiss your neck? Wouldn't that feel divine for this gorgeous creature caresses your neck so gently nibbling?" He looked at me with the last words.

I took the hint that I was to keep the illusion and be as soft as I could. I went into the man's arms and kissed his neck until I found the beating bl**d just below the surface and carefully bit into his neck. He stiffened then weakened into my embrace, yet I could not detach from him as I consumed his bl**d and I lowed myself as he sank down. I sucked harder and found that I had killed him instead of getting more of his bl**d.

James laughed, "You are a natural killer, soft yet deadly, but we will work on how to extend their life to give you more bl**d this next evening. The sun is to rise and you must be so very tired. Furthermore your parents must not find you out of bed, they might notice a small difference in you but you are cleaver, I can see that, so I am sure you can steer their questions away. I will be back early next evening to take you out to dinner, until then my love." He lowered his head and kissed my lips softly, but I still felt my heart chilled, now even more so than before.

I silently made for my bedchamber and was surprised that I really made no sound, my feet like those of a fairy. I bumped into nothing as I saw each piece of furniture even more clearly in the early hours before sunrise, I could hear the help and maids rousing from their sl**p getting ready for the day, and here I was just ending it. I shut all my curtains tightly and collapsed into my bed for a much needed rest.

MY FIRST DAY

At noon I was roused from my sl**p as one of my maids brought in my lunch, and having found me to be callous about her waking me and then trying to open the window coverings, left with a huff putting it down to drinking too much the night before. I looked at the food that just yesterday would have made my mouth water now made me sick to look upon. I could no longer eat such food; now only bl**d was my nourishment.

I rose to look out the window and just pulling it back so that I line of light entered the room my eyes went to pins and burned with the light. I let curtain fall back with a screech and found that I could still see where the light burned into my eyes, but it started to go away quickly enough. I climbed into bed again as there was no reason to leave the room until it grew less bright outside.

After sl**ping until late afternoon I got up and called for my maids to help dress me for supper that night as I was to see my betrothed once more. My parents made some quip about me staying in bed so late but I did not pay attention to what their mouths had said but rather I looked with my new eyes. First my father, I looked at him and found pride and happiness, flashes of memory went past my inner eye; Mother and him walking up to the newly finished house, me as an infant wrapped tightly in his arms, and finally me walking in with my betrothed at last nights party. I looked to my mother and found sadness; a young man kissing Mother before she married Father, a still born infant in her arms, a flash of my recoil at the touch on my betrothed. I looked away from them both, what they felt meant nothing to a monster like me, right?

I kept to the shadows and looked at the maids as they went about their work; I found hate, detest, tiredness, sadness, and hope. Yet finding them so close I could smell their bl**d pulsing in their body making my mouth water again, I quickly went away to find somewhere to be alone. Luckily James came soon after and asked the permission of my parents for us to dine at his house, to which my father allowed without missing a beat. Before I left my mother kissed my forehead and commented on how cold and white I was, but I quickly told her that I was fine and really wanted to get to know my betrothed better before the wedding.

As we climbed into his carriage I remembered my mother's comment and asked, "Why is it that I do look so pale and my mother said I felt cold but I really don't feel anything?"

"Your body doesn't make bl**d anymore that is why you must feed on it. Once you have hunted you will appear more human again, with more color in your cheeks and warmer flesh. Try to avoid being seen before you go out as you will need to almost every night when you are so young."

I nodded thinking over what he said, "So are we to hunt tonight?"

"Yes we will then I will return you home, I can wait one more night now that we have eternity together."

I smiled at the thought of fresh bl**d and being a virginal bride for my evening wedding tomorrow. We were headed again down to the meager side of town, but to a different tavern. James instructed me to enter with him but to find a dark table to sit at; he would bring us 'drinks'.

He found us a man, one who intended to kill us for the jewelry that we wore once we got outside. I figured this out from the pictures him mind sent forth, and I found that I did not feel any guilt that I was about to take his life instead. James talked to him but again gave me an opening to give the man a 'kiss' on the neck. Leaning in, I kissed gently then bit in and allowed the bl**d to rush into my mouth, I felt him tense then his strength drain into me. Strength flowed into me with every pump of his heart until I felt it stop; I just propped him up at the table and left with James at my side. Pride flowed from James and beamed off of me, I was so happy that tomorrow I was to become a wife. How stupid I was. We went to another and another tavern until I could not drink any more bl**d; he wanted to make sure I looked human and would not be hungry tomorrow night.

As the carriage came upon my house he helped me down and kissed my hand letting his teeth gently graze across the back of it, sending chills up my spine. We parted until tomorrow where I would become his bride and then wife, for eternity.

THE WEDDING

I woke up an hour after noon to the bustle of the house getting ready for the wedding taking place later that evening; my maids came in to help prepare me for the day. They had drawn a bath for me and after much protest from me shut all the curtains in the bathhouse. I looked into their minds and found that they thought I was just overly nervous due to the wedding or just being a spoiled brat, either way I felt better as they cleansed my hair. After I was towel dried they set out to turn me into the bride and only stopped once I was fully altered.

Just as soon as the sun set my father came to get me and to bring me down the aisle to my groom. The pathway seemed to take so long to walk down but the ceremony was much to short in my slightly panicked state, all too soon we sealed the wedding ceremony with the kiss. Again his lips seemed cool, but not as hard; he had fed before the wedding. As we walked past all the people I read his feeling again and found lust rising quickly to the top, I wasn't quite sure if I was looking forward to it or wishing that I could get away.

After the dinner and scores of dances, it was time for us to retire to his house and contaminate the marriage. With many farewells we left, my heart was hammering and my head was clouded as we made our way to his house. In the carriage he sensed that I was nervous and tried to calm me, but I could feel his overpowering lust over that of his caring. I was excited and terrified; I had longed for this for so long but something held me back too. ... Continue»
Posted by DarkAngel71 3 years ago  |  Categories: First Time, Hardcore  |  Views: 533  |  
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  |  6

Something To Do

Taylor tilted her head, wary of Jay kneeling on her hair, as he kneeled either side of her ears he gently brushed the soft skin of his nuts over her face, the hairs gently tickling, her forehead first, then her nose, slowly over each cheek, before resting on her chin, lowering his arse down over her mouth, smiling she moistened her lips, before gently flicking his smooth wrinkled rim with her tongue, he smelled good, always smelled like he just needed to be made dirty.

Jay kept still at first, except for stroking her bare belly. She gently ran her lips over that smooth hard piece of flesh between scrotum and anus, this oddly was her favourite part of the male anatomy, it lead either way to pleasure and giving pleasure was what she thrived on, licking and sucking, this was going to be a good session, inwardly she glowed.

Circling his rim with the tip of her tongue, progressing to flicking, poking and big broad wet licks, sucking and totally indulging in his deep dark hole. She could just about reach his arse cheeks with her hands, gently at first timing nail strokes with her tongue, her heart rate was increasing as was the desire within, so much pleasure could be gained from pleasing a man, her hips started tilting, rocking with the anticipated movements of pleasure, the desire to squeeze her thighs together to bring herself off was intense, the fact that she had each leg firmly strapped to the legs of the pine kitchen table hindered that greatly, jay was pressing his arse down on her mouth and covering her nose, rendering her unable of demand, all she could do was writhe helplessly in her tethered situation whilst getting more and more turned on and pushing her tongue into the now gyrating Jay, whilst grabbing desperately at his arse and digging her nails in, in an attempt to hold him down on her face deeper.

Jay gave off little groans as he stroked his cock, pulling at the end of it and then giving in he started wanking left handed for difference, long slow strokes at first, getting faster he knew he could cum instantly, but took control and held on to his load.

Jay spat on his right fingers and found her clitoris, sliding it backwards and forwards between his spit wet index and middle finger tips, her crack glistening in its own anticipation, muffled sound escaped from Taylors mouth and uncontrollable judders ran through her pelvis and thighs; each judder causing the leather reins around her ankles to pull tight, followed by a squeal of discomfort.
Almost instantly he pressed hard with his thumb, the pressure causing pleasure so intense it was hard to derive from pain, Taylor bit his arse, as she slammed her own arse hard down on the floor in an almighty final judder of pleasure. She could feel the prelude to a squirt as small amounts of that special liquid trickled out and made her even wetter. Jay had not been made privilege to the knowledge of her ability to squirt, after all this was just the second time they had gotten naked, she had to keep a little of herself back. Couldn’t tell him everything over coffee!

Jay leant forward and licked her crack from front to back; she tasted good with the faint aroma of her washing powder from the knickers she had been wearing on her journey over. He could taste the prelude, just like a woman could taste pre-cum.
Coming back to her clit he flattened his tongue against it, this is when he came into his own, he was by far the best at oral that she had ever experienced, he
managed just the right amount of pressure at the right time, speed selected to perfection and then he did the pulsating rotating thing that just made Taylor desire something up her arse and hard and if that didn’t do it…

Jay moved into 69 over Taylor, her legs still tied, one each to the legs of the kitchen table, thank god for the Oriental rug on the quarry tiled floor, although already she could feel the distinct sting of her old friend the carpet burn. Her wrists had been tied together but with a 2ft divide between them, this would have allowed total freedom, but for the addition of a longer piece of rope that the leather wrist tether passed through. The rope was attached around the back of the old brass taps of the butler sink. Hindering her reach, she could reach the front of Jay with one hand, but only at the expense of her other being pulled back, almost like a pulley system, together her area of reach was limited and left her wanting just another inch. Frustrating!

As he sank his tongue into her glistening hole his stubbly chin pressed hard against her clit; again making the divide between pain and pleasure a very faint line, his hard cock hit the back of her throat causing her gag reflex to kick in as he fucked her throat, her eyes rolled uncontrollably and watered intensely, he got caught a few times on her teeth, rather than backing off or adjusting his angle he just rammed his cock in harder and deeper each time he felt the sharp scratch of her ivory.

Intensity was once more taking over for Taylor, too much going on and that faint out of control feeling, that she so desperately needed to learn to deal with, by now she would have flung her fuck buddy on his back and climbed aboard to bring her-self to climax, giving him the show of his life in doing so. But he’d tied her up and she couldn’t, she couldn’t fucking do anything other than take it, couldn’t over ride her hate for the lack of control, inability to let go, her fight was almost as intense as her orgasms. And although she had been climaxing, almost continuously throughout the whole experience, she hadn’t let herself go, she was afraid of letting go as it was going to be huge.

Jay was mental orally, devouring every inch of her he sucked her labia, worked his tongue in and out, timing clit stim to perfection and then he licked her arse, perhaps the most sensual pleasure of all sexual acts, before plunging not one but two fingers fiercely into her tight hole, causing her to scream in pain, c***d birth had not been kind and had left her with a front to back scar, which if caught at the wrong angle burned beyond words, even 18 years on, hurt like hell.
He rotated his fingers, exploring the sides of her arse, spitting on the edges, watching as it dribbled across the tight dark wrinkles of the glistening hole, lubricating his fingers, the scar settled and then he plunged his fingers deep inside, punching the rest of his hand against her cheeks, fucking her mouth so violently that he often fell out, sc****d the teeth or indeed smothered her, but for Taylor… what was happening between her legs was far more intense and overriding than anything happening to her mouth.
Jay devoured her orally, fingering her arse hard at the same time; her thighs had gone weak from the intensity of fighting the restraint along with constantly being on the edge of an explosive orgasm.
Every time she told herself to let go, she brinked the edge but couldn’t bring herself to cross the line.

That clever bastard, he knew that she could squirt, he’d tasted her sneaky leak earlier, with his thumb up her wet cunt and his two fingers up her arse he rammed her hard, pressing his tongue down hard on her clit, so hard and throbbing it was on the edge of going numb, he worked it, he’d been taught and taught well. Flat movements side to side with just the right pressure, her whole body went tight, she had finally done it and lost control. Unlike other women she didn’t need internal stimulation to make herself squirt, each and everytime it had been from clit stim.
Jay thrust his cock deep into her mouth one last time, lifted his mouth from her , as her whole body violently contorted and she shot her load wide and far, he watched the first pulsation, then spanked her clit as she continued to come, rubbing it, spanking it she continued to flood the place, her back ached from arching, her wrists were numb from the restraint, her thighs tight from the convulsions and that nice Oriental rug, well that had more than its fair share of her skin and now fluids, it had passed the initiation test.

Jays bollocks were so tight they hurt, as he loosened off the leather and gave Taylor back her freedom, he gave a glimmer of a smile as he watched her judder uncontrollably, as yet another wave of pleasure passed through her now totally knackered body. She scrambled back off the floor into sitting position against the sink unit for support, all thoughts of reality emptied form her head as her body continued to judder momentarily in support of her previous orgasm. She was fucking spent; who would have thought oral sex could have been so knackering.

Jay stood now a leg either side of her weak thighs, looking down on her he stroked his hard cock and then took her hand and wrapped it firmly around. It was now that the first words were spoken, simple and to the point, Jay said…

“Wank me”

Taylor had felt so lifeless, but rose to the challenge, cupping his nuts in her right hand, sneakily giving his rim the odd once over she wanked him with her left, each stroke bringing her back to life as she re-positioned to get onto her knees, she took him deep into her mouth, she loved sucking cock, now was her time to show him just what she could do, she began to work him, nibbling his groin as she pulsated his bollocks gently in her hand, long, slow strokes with her left hand on his cock, brushing it against her cheeks and oh so teasingly past her open her lips, so that he could feel her hot breath on his end, interspersed with deep throat, all or nothing, that was her, she loved teasing, but if she teased, she would always see it through to the end. Eye contact was important, she kept looking up at Jays face, he had his eyes shut, head tipped back in pleasure, but every now and then he would look down on her, cup the back of her head in his hand and see the pleasure in her face as she once more took him deep, licking his shaft as she did so, the pleasure for her was not only in the feel it was in the power of knowing that she was in control of bringing so much pleasure to another person, pleasure in knowing that she was good, pleasure in allowing someone to be privy to her skills, letting them in on her secrets.

Taylor licked his bollocks and then sucked them into her mouth, gently moving each nut with her tongue, she had her head tilted right back and could still look up at Jay, past the blur of her hand that was now wanking his hard throbbing cock hard and fast as her other pressed firmly against the base of his cock and pubic area, Jay was swinging his hips in time with her movements, then sank his nails into the back of her neck as he grabbed a handful of hair and pulled her head back, she directed his cock and watched as the first hot load shot out towards her face, opening her lips he clasped her mouth around the end of his cock and took every last bit, too heavy a load to keep it all so she swallowed some. Licking his end to a pulsating painful pleasurable end, she sat back on her heels.

Jay took her hand and lead her over to the armchair by the Aga, her chest was flushed, her mascara run, hair escaping from its tie, small battle scars from her tryst with the oriental rug and the leather ties and even now she was still having the odd faint judder.

Sitting down on the chair he pulled her down onto his lap, so she sat across him at an angle, gently he caressed the back of her neck with one hand as he held her secure with his other hand on her thigh.

He hadn’t spoken as she hadn’t, oddly quiet for a woman he had thought. He kissed her lips, she tasted salty, she reciprocated and then smiled, cupping his face in her hands, she then parted her lips and revealed why she was so salty, smiling he moved in with an open mouth to receive her saved treasure and so the swapping commenced, almost she thought as sensual as having your arse rimmed.

They both swallowed.

... Continue»
Posted by mollymalloy 2 years ago  |  Categories: Hardcore  |  Views: 544  |  
80%

How-to: Strap-on Training Experience


I found this somewhere and did a bit of clean up to it. Experienced strap-on trainers and Dommes, please feel free to provide feedback on this article.

-tpb

The Strap-On Experience

Like most masculine hetrosexual men, your husband or boyfriend is likely to strenuously object to and actively resist taking the strap-on at first. Just the idea of having something f***ed up his ass like that will feel foreign and unnatural to him. Treating his tight little asshole like it's just a hole to be fucked will be abhorrent to him. He will feel violated and abused. He'll try to talk you out of it. He'll plead with you to stop because it hurts, because it's uncomfortable, and claim that he's afraid it's going to cause damage to his insides. Ignore it.

He might do c***dish and silly things, like try to hide the dildo from you. Or not come home until late at night, claiming he had to work, and then say he's not feeling well and beg you “Can't we do this tomorrow instead?” or something similar.

He might whine and whimper and complain that being fucked in the ass like that makes him feel like a fag. He might engage in all sorts of other efforts to divert your attention away from his asshole and from what needs to be done. Ignore it, and discipline him if necessary. Don't hesitate. Your will must be greater than his.

When you get this kind of resistance, that's when you need to keep your focus, stay determined, and be persistent. And quite honestly, fuck him a little harder and more often. Switch to a thicker dildo to push reinf***e your dominance further. Let him know through your words and actions that his active compliance will result in a more pleasurable or at least less painful experience for him.

In a FemDom Relationship, it's important during the first few months of his training that he get the strap-on regularly and consistently. As I’ve read and learned from first hand experience, that training must be carefully paced, consistent, and employ an effective punishment/reward system that takes into account a person’s individual characteristics. How often will depend upon your situation, but as a general matter, he should be getting it at least several times a week. Mix it up so he doesn't always know when it's going to happen. At night before he falls asl**p. In the morning before he goes to work. After work when he gets home. In the middle of the night when you just get in the mood. Wake him in the middle of the night by working the head of your strap-on into your fuckhole. This will help reinf***e your authority. Ignore his whining about it. The rewards will come later.

Because after a while you'll see' something magical happens. Gradually, over time, his resistance breaks down. Deep down inside, like a naughty little boy, he's ashamed of his constant masturbation, and wants to please his female authority figure. He needs discipline. He wants the most important woman in his life, that woman that he loves, to be happy with him, and be proud of him. He doesn't want to disappoint you. He craves your approval. Be sure to praise him thoroughly, when he happily submits to your strap-on.

This is especially the case if his little penis has been locked up or his orgasms have otherwise been severely restricted. Even more so if you've introduced corporal discipline into your relationship. That's why these two elements “enf***ed chastity and corporal discipline” coupled with regular use of the strap-on, are so important during this early stage. All three of them compliment each other, and work together.

You will notice that the dynamics of your relationship will change. Your authority will increase in direct proportion to how often you exercise it. You are setting the tone for the entire relationship in the first few months. Be sure to set the tone how you want it.

He will begin to understand that he no longer controls everything. Not his penis. Not his fuckhole. Not his orgasm. He can't even get an erection without your permission. He will realize that he can no longer just do whatever he wants, whenever he wants, without any consideration for his wife or girlfriend and her feelings and needs and desires. This is why it's so important to get control of his masturbation habit. Unsupervised or unrestricted male masturbation should never ever be permitted in a FemDom Relationship. The male must never be allowed to cum without permission.

He will gradually begin to respect your authority. He will gradually get used to having something up his ass, and get used to the size and thickness of the dildo. That is until you get a larger size to continue the training of your fuckhole. Requiring him to wear a good-size butt plug in between fuckings will help with this. Make him wear one anytime you allow him to orgasm. Make him wear one in public. Make him wear one to sl**p every night. Make him wear one, whenever he is in your presence. You should also periodically change up the dildos and plus, using different shapes and sizes, so that his body learns to just accept what it gets. Increase the size of the plug and dildos over time to keep the experience intense and challenging for him. No matter how big his cock is, train him to easily accept something at least a little bigger than his own cock. It reminds him who is in charge. If his cock is very small, train him to accept a cock a little larger than you enjoy. I cannot stress enough how important butt plug training is if you are going to REALLY enjoy using the strap on.

It’s important to remember that you need to break him in slowly as you train his ass to take the strap-on. You also need to fuck him frequently at least 2-3 times a week because between fuckings, his little bitch hole will naturally tighten back up on you. Just go slow at first, use lots of lube, and start out small and thin before you work your way up to big and thick. Having him wear a butt plug for an hour or longer before you strap him helps.

It also needs to be consistent so that you can get him in the right frame of mind. He needs to expect it and know it’s going to happen whether he likes it or not.

You want to stretch out his fuckhole to the point where after you lube him up, and press the dildo up against it, there is just that initial resistance to penetration, so that you have to kinda maintain the pressure, and then when you thrust forward it just kinda easily slides in and goes in most of the way in so that after a few minutes you can start fucking him with it without resistance or discomfort or pain.

Start out with a small, thin one, unless he’s experienced. After a few weeks move up to a medium size one.

For the next few weeks alternate between both the small and the medium size one.

When he gets to the point where he can easily take the medium size one, it’s time to introduce him to the big one. remember that each time you transition up to a bigger, thicker dildo, it will be like his fuckhole is virgin all over again. Be patient, but determined. He will feel some discomfort. That’s normal until his bitch hole opens up and adjusts to the new size.

After that, you just alternate between the small and the medium and the big one, depending on your mood and the kind of experience you want him to have.

The small one is for making love and emotional bonding. It’s the one you use when you get the urge to fuck him in the middle of the night, roll him over while he’s still half asl**p, and just take his sweet ass with it. That kind of spontaneous action is important to do every once in a while because it reinf*rces in his mind that you own his ass and can take it and fuck it anytime you want.

The medium size one is for just general fucking and the one you should use most often. Once you’ve trained his ass, it should go in quite easily, like a hot knife into butter. You should be able to slide it into his fuckhoel in a couple seconds with no discomfort. You should be able to fuck him good and hard with it.

You should also get a second medium size dildo that is specially designed and shaped for milking his prostate and draining his balls of semen without letting him cum. These dildos will have a special bulb or knob at the end with a slight curve to it.

The big one is for those occasions when you really want him to really feel your authority. When you want him to know that he’s getting fucked. When you want him to feel it afterwards. This should be rare and special, perhaps 2-3 times a month. This is the dildo you should make him suck first. It should be a good tight fit, and should be uncomfortable for him at first, until you open up his ass with it. It should be the one he slightly fears.

Over time the big one will become the medium one. This is especially true, if you train his ass with butt plugs. You can humiliate and tease him by talking about how he will soon be able to take much larger strap-ons with no trouble in the near future. The regular and consistent physical training will prepare his fuckhole for your use.

But it's more than just getting used to things physically. In many ways, the mental and psychological changes in him are even more profound and life-changing. It's during this time that you should require him to start wearing butt plugs, ball stretchers, cock harnesses, cock rings, chastity devices, etc. because it reinf*rces your authority and his new place in the relationship. If it works size-wise, make him wear some or all of these underneath his business suit to work. And require him to continue to use the men's urinal so he'll be fearful that someone will see his bound and tortured cock and balls. Make him wear a butt plug and ball stretcher to sl**p every night. Tell him your toys always have to be ready for you. Explain to him that if he's getting fucked like a submissive little bitch, he needs to feel submissive even when he's not getting fucked by your thick strapon. Make him insert the butt plug into your fuckhole in front of you. Make him randomly drop his pants to show you he is complying with your orders. Make him show you the plug in his ass before he leaves the house to run errands. Order him to help you put on the strap-on harness.

His body will learn to adjust to his new circumstance. Getting the strap-on will go from being painful, to just being uncomfortable, to just feeling a little weird, to tolerating it, to enjoying it, to craving it as his only sexual release, if you so choose. Spending some time learning how to properly stimulate his prostate as you fuck him will help. This is also a good time, if his penis is locked up, to milk his prostate and drain his balls of semen on a regular basis. It significantly helps reinf*rce everything that you are trying to accomplish in his training.

If you have the patience and determination to maintain the discipline, you will see how effective it is. His erogenous zone will slowly start to shift from the head of his penis to the opening to his asshole and his prostate gland. After a while, he’ll start putting his ass up for you frequently and spontaneously, like a bitch in heat, because he needs and wants that stimulation. He’ll show much more eagerness in helping you don the strap-on harness. Frequent use of the strap-on, coupled with extended tease and denial can have the effect of essentially re-wiring the pleasure centers in his brain. By stimulating his prostate via strap-on fucking, while denying him any direct stimulation of his penis, he will, over time, begin to associate his own sexual pleasure with anal penetration. You will notice that he’ll start to leak semen, while his penis is soft, in drips and dribbles, while you fuck him. He’s not having an orgasm; his prostate is being milked. It is both intensely frustrating and curiously pleasurable for him at the same time. Frustrating because it feels to him like he’s always on the verge or edge of cumming, but it never happens. Pleasurable because of the excitable nerve endings on his prostate. Then what you want to do, about once every twenty days, is release him from chastity, proceed to fuck him the strap-on, grab hold of the base of penis (it will be nice and hard for you), but do not touch the sensitive head, and give him a good hard fucking. Then when you’re ready, just barely touch the head of his penis with your fingers, like you’re strumming a guitar, and he will blast off like a rocket. You want him to cum like that while you’re still all up in his ass. After his penis goes soft (and if it’s taking too long, use ice), immediately lock him back up. He needs to feel that immediate authority from you.

Verbal humiliation during this time can be very effective in terms of breaking him in. The first time you teasingly refer to his ass as a "fuckhole" or a "slutty ass" will shock and startle and embarrass him. Ignore it. The first time you tell him that his penis is worthless, that he takes
your strap-on like a wanton slut, this is the only way he can orgasm in the next six months and that you need him to take much thicker dildos harder and for much longer, will really get his attention. Tell him you plan to train him to easily take toys longer and thicker than his own cock.

Explaining to him that you've decided to share some of the more intimate details of your sex life with him with two or three of your closest girlfriends such as that he has a small penis, that you lock up his penis in chastity, that you restrict his orgasms, that he's your cunt-licker, that you like to fuck him with a strap-on, that you make him wear butt plugs almost 24/7, that he has to cum only from your strap-on fuckings, and that you make him clean up anything that drips or shoots from his cock will be extremely embarrassing for him, but it will also reinf*rce to him how serious you are about changing the dynamics of your relationship. Hinting to him that you may allow one of your girlfriends to watch his strap-on fuckings will only embarass him further.

After three or four months of this, as long as you are clear and consistent with him, he will stop resisting and stop fighting it. You'll notice it in the way he puts his ass up for you, in the way he holds and cuddles and loves you afterwards, and in the way he eagerly services your cunt to thank you for using his fuckhole.

Needless to say, he should not be permitted to have intercourse with you during this time. I recommend that he be denied pussy for at least the first six months. Sex, for him, should be strictly limited to him orally servicing you when you decide to let him and fucking him with your strap-on. His penis should not be involved, except, perhaps, for an occasional teasing handjob or footjob without orgasm. He should also be denied blowjobs during this time. He should be made to understand that until he has been trained, has demonstrated the proper level of respect for you and your authority, and has come to accept his new place in the relationship, his penis is simply not worthy of your pussy treasure, or your succulent mouth, or the chance to shoot it's load.

If, during this time, you withhold your pussy from him entirely, and not permit him to taste it, touch it, or even see it or have access to it, it will drive him absolutely crazy with jealousy, lust, anxiety, and desire. He will do absolutely anything for you, and be happy to do it. He will crawl across the room on broken glass just to smell your pussy. He will eagerly lick you out after he came inside you. Take advantage of this. Explain to him that until he demonstrates the proper levels of respect, submission and appreciation for you, he can only hope to worship your asshole, while you fill his fuckhole with thicker and thicker strap-ons. If you wish to put him further in his place, train him exactly how you want him to orally service your ass hole until you have determined he is sufficiently compliant and submissive to be rewarded with your pussy.

He will come to accept all of this because he loves you and is motivated to please you. And because you control his penis. You control his ability to even get an erection. You control his orgasms. You control him.

After a while, getting the strap-on just becomes a normal part of his experience. And you'll see, if you go more than a couple of days with using his fuckhole, your AssLicker will actually start to miss it. He will soon begin to beg for you to fuck his ass with your thick strap-on. Then he'll be not only your AssLicker, but your ButtSlut as well. You decide just how thick of a plug he must wear to bed. How large of a strap-on you fuck him with. You decide when his fuckhole is stretched enough.

Once a couple goes down this road, there is no going back. Getting bent over and fucked in the ass with a strap-on is a transformative event in a man’s life, and for the relationship. Nothing afterwards will be the same as it was before. Take advantage of it. Shape things to your desires. Now you can decide how far you want to push his training. He is powerless to resist at this point. ... Continue»
Posted by thepoolboy 1 year ago  |  Categories: Anal, BDSM, Fetish  |  Views: 1789  |  
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Down the Path: Learning to clean up

So there I was, on my knees with my asshole up for her inspection when she went over to her toy bag and pulled out a red rubber enema bag, hose and nozzle.

“Before we get together for our fuck sessions, I clean up. Shower, trimming my bush and cleaning up the pussy and a couple of warm soapy enemas so when I take it up the ass, it’s a nice clean fuck. That is what a woman who loves to fuck does. I didn’t bring my scissors so we will have to wait on the trim job for your cock and shaving your balls but everything else.”

She walked back to the edge of the bed. “She how trimmed my cunt hair is?”
I stared right at her glistening pussy. The Feeldoe was still stuck up her slit and pushing out into my face. “Yes mistress.”

Then she turned around. “Now look at my asshole.”

She put the bag and equipment on the bed and grabbed each side of her ass cheeks, pulling and spreading them to show her little pink bud hole. “Taste it.”

“What?”

She flicked the crop sharply against my cock. “TASTE IT BITCH OR THAT CROP WILL BEAT YOUR DICK!”

Immediately I placed my tongue on her asshole. I had eaten a lot of pussy, but never an asshole. She made a little moan. Her hole was already shiny with her cunt juices.

“Oh that feels so good. It is a wonderful feeling having someone gently lick around your asshole. If I could, I would do it myself.” She laughed as she started to grind her ass into my tongue.

“Ohhh, yeah. Fuck my asshole with your tongue.”

Slowly I started to probe her hole, licking around the perimeter and then pushing a little into the hole.

“Yeah bitch. Tongue fuck my asshole. Sluts love to tongue fuck assholes.”

Suzy pulled her ass cheeks as far apart as possible and shoved her ass completely into my face. I stuck my tongue out as far as possible and made stiff like a little cock.

“God! You tongue fuck assholes the way you do my cunt. You're learning to be a slut pretty quickly.” She let go of her right ass cheek and grabbed the dildo. She started to grind her hand around her cunt while I tongued he butthole.

She pushed harder and harder against my mouth, pushing my tongue as deep in her asshole as it could reach while she feverishly moved the dildo around her cunt. Then I felt her asshole spasm around my tongue and I knew she had cum.

“Quickly slut. Off the bed and into the bathroom and on your knees.”
She was holding the dildo up inside her tightly. I jumped off the bed and hurried into the bathroom where I got on my knees in front of the toilet.
She followed me and as I got on the floor she straddled my head.

“Tilt your head up to my cunt and open your mouth wide!” she demanded.

I did as she ordered. I could see s steady trickle of girl juice running down her leg.

“Do NOT swallow or lose any of this”. Then she pulled the Feeldoe from her cunt and at least of cup of cum gushed into my open mouth. It was more than I could hold and some did run down the sides of my face and neck.

Suzy let out a deep breath. “That was fan-fucking-tastic. Good catch. I didn’t know how much I had in there since we’ve never caught any before.”

She dipped a couple of fingers into my open mouth which was full of her cunt cum. Then she held them under my nose. “See, fresh cunt juice. Do you like it?”

I gently nodded my head so nothing spilled out. She put the fingers into her own mouth.

“I’ve tasted my own juice before. So have you.” Then she dipped her fingers again. “I think someday I want to compare my cunt juice with another woman’s. Of course, that means we would have to have a 3 some. We could compare cunt tastes between the 3 of us. Would you like that?”

I nodded again. My cock was so hard and it was leaking sticky clear cum. Suzy rubbed her wet fingers beneath my nose so that her cunt smell flowed straight up into my sinuses.

“I am marking what is mine. Your mouth is my mouth. Go ahead and swallow that cunt cum.” I closed my mouth and swallowed her juices. “Just like your asshole will be my asshole. Do you understand?”

“Yes Mistress.”

“You can still eat and fuck other pussy. Just like you will learn to want more cock in your ass if you are a real slut, but you belong to me regardless. Do you agree?”

I wasn’t sure what she meant but I didn’t want to stop what was happening. I wanted more cunt juice. I liked licking and tonguing her asshole. And her little probing of my own virgin hole made my cock extra hard with a steady thin stream of cum leaking on the towel. My cock was still hard.

“Yes. Yes, I agree Mistress.”

“Good. We are clear then on the rules again.” Suzy returned to her squatting position over my head. “Now use that tongue to clean my cunt. Lick it all over, in the folds and from the top of my clit to my asshole. Make my cunt as clean as you did my asshole.”

Eagerly I attacked her pussy with my mouth. Pussy eating was one of my favor activities and I really liked the taste of girl juices. I had also learned to like tonguing assholes.

After a good 5 minutes of licking her entire pussy and between her legs to her asshole, she stood up. “Now, turn around so your ass it pointed to the door and put your face down on the floor, your ass up. Time to clean that slut hole of yours.”

She turned and walked out of the door. I was about to get the first adult enema I had ever had. The first since I was a k**.
... Continue»
Posted by lrjustaguy 1 year ago  |  Categories: Anal, First Time, Hardcore  |  Views: 384  |  
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WHAT I WILL LIKE TO DO

what i would like to do
Well where do I start? I suppose from the start ,I have so many things I would like to try ,but I will have to go slow ,and build it up until the weekend ,and then step it up a notch, think I just start off very slow and work my way up ,I really don’t know until we try for the first time ,and see how everything fits .I am just going to lay there with you and hold you tight I have been waiting for this for a long time ,but one thing I know for sure ,I am going to pussy .lick ,suck and tease your pussy ,real slow ,and not give you the full treatment ,by looking at the photos ,I can see I am really going to enjoy myself ,your clit looks long and very easy to access ,long slow licks should work a treat ,with a little pressure ,mmmm just sitting here I am getting a hard on ,and can taste your sweet pussy .yes start off with few hugs and cuddles then work from there just start from the top and work my way down kissing and touching with the tips of my fingers ,running my fingers up and down until I see the goose bumps on your legs (hope to see)get you to roll over so I can do it all over again on your back ,I really want to get hold of your butt,(lol  ),really your whole body I would love to touch ,kiss I just want to hear you moan ;-),after all those nights telling you how I kiss and touched your butt ,this time I can do it for real ,all those nights I had to imagine what it would look and feel like ,now I can touch and feel and kiss it (them),rolling you back on your back I started to kiss from your knees upwards until I came to your pussy ,there I start to kiss it softly all around it ,until it got wet ,then I will slowly out it with my two fingers ,so my tounge just fitted in nice ,I will I lick it from top of your clit to the bottom of your anise ,until your clit started to swell up ,then I would trap it with my two fingers ,softly until the hood of your clit stuck out I would suck on that until you came .then I would lick it very softly and put one of my fingers in until you came again ,putting both my fingers in and looking for your g-spot ,I will move both my fingers about until you came again ,by this time I would had found what I was looking for (I hope nnnnnnaaaa I will find it) I will suck your clit on the outside while I stroke your g-spot from the inside this will make you cum twice as hard and quick ,I might be able to get you to squirt and maybe a bit more ,but I think you will get me too stop before it gets too far.(lol)but who know you might like it to go that extra bit more.xxx(lol)xxx ,but it’s hard for me to say what will happened,(changed the fonts to 8) so its private, I will just have to go with that. See ok can’t see well. I change the fonts back later lol-lmao .well they serving food now so it will held back for a bit.(lol),as I said before we will have to go slow and see where it ends up, but I might pick up quicker ,than we might on the bed, I would love to see you face when I suck your pussy ,and watch your body move about, and hear you moan, and then I will get my cock so hard it will be ready to push in deep ,but not too, deep I am saving that for later (lol) might be the weekend, when I will pull out all the stops, and really give with you been looking for ,for a very long time. I will put my hard cock slowly inside you a small bit at a time until almost the full leant is inside you ,then slowly pull it out until I can see the head ,it will be like your black ball, you are going to be soon wet, ,and I can’t wait to see you cum on the top of my cock, and feel it too,(I hope this is making since because I am typing blind here, all I can see is the typing mistakes in red lol ) but I will keep going until the battery is almost used up. I will pull my cock out all the way so you can see your cum over it, then put it back in deep but not forcing it, just slowly until it’s in deep, then I am going to pump my cock inside you until you feel it pumping inside you and then I am going to press on my button so it makes it so hard and back, I am not going to cum inside you until later that night because I want you to feel every inch of my cock ,slow and deep, I might get on top of you and lift your legs up, but I think I will just stay flat, and just slowly work my heaps, slowly and gently, until you cumin might try a few other positions, which you might likening on your side and maybe flat on your belly. That way I can’t go too deep and you will enjoy it more ,daady’s big hard cock inside you ,with every pump you will cum.nice and slow with every with every orgasm .we will see how we get on with that and then order a take away,

I would like to try doggy style but with you laying on some pillows and your ass very high in the air and I can get inside you at different angles this will not only you feel like you been had by two guys ,plus stretch your pussy just that little bit more, where I can left one of my legs and almost do it sideways from left to right and right to left, as well as from up and down, I will try and use my thumb in your ass and by pushing down this will f***e my cock downwards and it will change the angle and as well bend, it will rub at the top of your ass but rub at the bottom of your pussy ,then by lowering myself it will rub at the bottom of your clit and inside rub against your ass inside. I would like to try doggy with your princess plug in to and once we got you worked up, by pull on your plug (not all the way out) just ought to put pressure on your ass muscles, that might just get you really y wet, try a bit of anal too, maybe with a finger or two to start off with while I suck your pussyfoot maybe use the purple one ,the plug and the gum so many times, we don’t do anal, there are so many ways I can get you to -spot vibrator ,we will try that first ,then build you up and then try double penetration ,with me and in your pussy and the strap on up your ass, but we will have to wait and see maybe 9 days is too short to try and open your ass that big, all I want is to give you the best time you had ever. Every if, and not all by putting my cock inside you, rubbing, teasing foreplay, and just using my fingers.

But I will try so many different positions, and off the bed, standing up, kneeing, sitting, any way possible but also so love you, hug you, cuddle you at night as well as in the day.

All I want is my cock to be covered in your cum, and you cum so many times it makes you weak at the knees every night. And I would like to get my cock so deep inside you that it hits the bottom of your pussy; I want to get it so wide it can’t come out. I want my head so big so you can feel it moving inside you every time. And you cum every time I move it in and out, do it in doggy so I can pull it all the way out the put it back in so deep. I want to tie you up your hands to your legs and fuck you deep, tie your hand I fuck you hard in doggy, I am going to suck, lick your pussy every day, like no other,. I want to fuck you like no other, I want to love you like no other.

What I would like to do: this is going to be hard seen you going to read it. (I will leave a few things out my surprise lol)
by alwaysready2please... Continue»
Posted by alwaysREADY2please 6 months ago  |  Categories: Hardcore, Mature, Sex Humor  |  Views: 675  |  
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The Furies - must read

In the quiet, backwater system of Halderon IV, the old war horse had been put to pasture. She floated majestically in geostationary orbit over the gas giant that star maps called HV-16 and the locals called Lesvous. A bevy of smaller ships darted around the system, all of them hopelessly obsolete by modern standards, consigned to system defense duty and anti-piracy patrols. Compared to the old campaigner, they were state of the art.

Almost one thousand years had passed since her massive, s*******n mile long keel had been laid down in the long ago vaporized shipyards at Arnhem. She had been the first of fifteen ships of her class. Massively built, heavily armored, carrying the then revolutionary, fifteen inch Particle Projection Cannons, and internal bays for a whole wing of fighter/bombers. In her day, she had been the pinnacle of space going naval technology and, with her s****rs, had been a thorn in the side of the Terran Authority's reconquest of the galaxy.

For one hundred bl**dy years, she and her s****r ships had protected the Gunarian Confederation from being annexed into the Terran Authority. The Treaty of Sol III in 3745 had marked the end of hostilities, as the Confederation had bowed to the inevitable and joined the Authority voluntarily, rather than face long years as an occupied power. Four years later, she had been refitted and with a loyal Terran crew and joined the Authority Navy.

In her nearly limitless positronic database, the bl**dy history of the reconquest was stored. She had rained fire and death on the rebellious planet of Sig-Alpha five, taken part in the great naval engagement on Centauri Prime, provided fighter support in the final battles against the Volluskuns and taken part in more skirmishes and fleet actions than most people could imagine. When her battle board was lit, she was as close to sentient as any machine humans had ever constructed.

Eventually, time and technology turned her cannons into pea shooters and her hangar decks into less than today's auxiliary carriers boasted. She had been consigned to the scrap yard, when some bean counter realized she was the oldest active duty ship in the Authority fleet. Rather than scrap her, the powers that be had parked her here in orbit and turned her into a training ship for new pilots.

The old warhorse was quiet now. The only sound and fury aboard came from raw recruits shooting at targets or blowing off steam. Her great guns had been silent for more than a century and the battle circuit that would bring her to full wakefulness had been dark for twice that. She slept, and perhaps she dreamed of battles in days long gone by. She remained as a living monument to man's determination to conquer the galaxy.

***


Erica Davies sat in the darkened conference room, watching the gas giant spin beneath the ship, through the big armalite picture window. Ancient wind storms left mottled yellow spots in the planet's dark green face. A belt of them along the equator had been ancient at the time the Yorktown's keel had been laid.

Departing from a small intra-system liner she watched the shuttles that were bringing in a new batch of recruits. For the last five years her job had been training others to go into combat. At forty-three she felt as old as the ship she was assigned to. Like her, she had been put out to pasture. Unlike her, Erica was still in her prime.

There was no hell for a combat pilot quite like the one she was living in. She felt like the attendant at a filling station, watching the cars go by, but forever kept away from the action. Despite the reams of requests, she was stuck, away from the adrenaline rush and excitement of active duty on a combat vessel. She held her hands up and examined them, turning them from front to back again and again.

She saw long, delicate fingers, with the nails cut short. The skin was still soft and supple, but for how much longer? she wondered. Time, the fighter pilot's most deadly enemy stalked her now. One day those hands would no longer react with lightning speed. The reflexes would fade and the strength would succumb to the ravages of old age. She still had them now and wasting away here while a major war was being fought was slowly killing her.

Every one hundred and twenty days she sent a new batch of freshly minted pilots to the combat zone in Delta quadrant. She had seen the casualty lists and knew that over eighty percent of them never lived to draw their first month's pay. The Trog were the first race humanity had met who matched them in both technological accomplishment and ruthless determination.

They actually called themselves the Slanesshs, but the Terrans referred to them as troglodytes, which had been shortened to Trogs. They were a reptilian race, taller and more heavily built than humans and covered in a scaly greenish hide. They breathed an atmosphere that was very similar to human tolerances and thus, both races coveted the same kind of planet, although the Trogs couldn't survive on the more arid worlds.

Exploration had led to incidents, incidents to threats, threats to confrontation and now a hot war raged. The Trogs had a numeric advantage, the Humans a slight edge technologically, and for the past decade they had been killing each other with zealous abandon. Stalemate gave way to frustration and frustration lead to atrocities on both sides. The war was basically a bl**dbath, centered on the jump bottleneck at Yalo. Each side felt it could win a war of attrition, so the plasma kept flying.

Yalo was the key. The only planetary system with a star that provided enough energy to recharge a jumpship's engines, that was strategically placed to bridge the great stellar void called the abyss. Whoever controlled it could make incursions into the other's space with impunity. It was said that more beings had lost their life in that system than all the other systems in space combined. Erica doubted that, having some personal history that let her know better, but the Terran media repeated it like it was gospel in all the war newscasts.

Erica brushed a lock of her long blonde hair from her face as the door to the room slid open on almost silent servos. She didn't have to ask who was there, she already knew. Sgt. Major Tucker. With his arrival she scooped up the folders on the polished table and tucked them under her arm. Erica rose smoothly, with a fluid grace that was almost feline and turned on her heel.

"They're landing now," the grizzled veteran said in his customary soft voice.

"Bring 'em to the squad bay, Earl, and don't spare the fists. We need to toughen them up more, we're losing so many."

"Not your fault, Boss, don't even go there," he said quietly.

Ten years together did something to people. A mutual respect developed that was almost as deep and strong as lovers shared. Erica was a tough disciplinarian, and a stickler for the regs and military courtesy. The big NCO was the only man on the ship who could even think of being so familiar with her except the captain. To everyone else she was a straight-laced, no fun, kill-joy of an old bitch. Old tight-ass, they called her, though never when she was in earshot.

Tucker had watched over her when she was a raw recruit, d**g her ass out of uncounted dives after William had been killed, and saved her from demotion or discharge on a dozen occasions or more when she was younger. It was something they never mentioned, an unspoken understanding that her gratitude was beyond words.

"Mercy. Just be prepared to ride 'em hard. New policy is in effect, we are getting criminals with high aptitude scores who are given a choice of prison or the military again. We aren't winning this one, Earl, and the Authority heads are getting desperate."

"You got it, Boss," he said before turning and disappearing into the cold steel hallway.

Erica glanced out at the stars one last time before heading for her office in the squad bay.

***


Leigh Collins trudged down the shuttle gangway and reluctantly fell into line with her group, purposely standing a half step back from the crisp imaginary line the others toed. While they all gawked at the ship she kept up an air of disdain. What a bunch of rubes, she thought. There was nothing impressive to her, the shuttle landing, massive machines, or scurrying techs. Even the raw size of the cavernous bay made no impression upon her.

Unlike most of her fellows, she hadn't volunteered and couldn't give two shits about getting her citizenship. She had grown up on the hive world of Taltos III and before her twelfth birthday she had become an accomplished thief. She would still be there, happy and living below the official radar screen, if her shithead of a boyfriend hadn't ratted her out to save his own skin. She still owed him and he had better be praying she didn't survive this ordeal.

Leigh zoned out as the ship's PR officer began to read a prepared speech. She had been sl**ping in an abandoned storage room when they came for her. Tall, grim men in black armor and helmets that covered their eyes. The dreaded TAC unit, storm troopers of the Terran Authority's tenuous grip on the planet.

She had fought of course; her preternatural reflexes and experience from years of living on the mean streets, coupled with her desperate fear had almost gotten her out of it. She had dropped five of them, and was squeezing past the last one standing when he tagged her in the ribs with his stun stick.

Leigh remembered the pain, like a million needles being jabbed into her body, especially in her nipples, mouth and pussy. She had come to in a holding room, with her hair frizzed and everything she owned, including her teeth, aching. They had stripped her, bathed and disinfected her and tattooed a number on her left hip. She was still disoriented when the door to the ten by ten holding room had swung open and a burly man in uniform had walked in.

"Got a name girl?" he grunted as he eased his bulk into the chair on the opposite side of the table that was the room's only furnishing.

"Speak up."

When she remained grimly silent his face softened slightly and his body language changed minutely. Less threatening, but she could tell he was still alert.



"Look k**, I don't need a name, I can just call you by your number. Hell, you don't even have to talk to me, but it would do you well to listen to what I have to say."

"Leigh. My name is Leigh."

"That's better. Okay Leigh, I'm Sergeant Brannanberg. I don't think you need me to tell you, you're in deep shit."

"Why? I haven't done anything," She bluffed.

"Shit girl, half the whores on Balefeas didn't do anything. Most of 'em were just like you, unregistered and grabbed for some petty crime."

"What's that got to do with me?"

"That's where you're heading, k**. First they'll open your head up and stick a nice nano processor in there, it'll make you pliable. Hell, you won't be able to say no. Probably give you a boob job while you're out since the titty fairy wasn't kind. Then it's off to a life devoted to getting off any swinging dick that has the creds your owner demands for your services. Should be easy on you at first, you're young and pretty. But after a while, you'll end up in one of the sleazy places, blowing sailors for a cred or two and engaging in the most depraved shit your little mind can come up with for a fiver."

"I'll die before that," she said. Her voice was steady, but she had heard of Balefeas. Her body was suddenly covered in a clammy sweat. No one deserved that, especially not her.

"Nah, the NAC will keep you from harming yourself, unless a paying customer demands it. Hell, I saw a girl take a horse up her ass there when I was still a wet nose with the one-oh-eight."

Despite her wish not to, she knew in her heart he was being truthful.

"Why are you telling me all this?" she asked. She could hear the fear in her voice and hated herself for showing weakness.

"Well, you're quick. Damned quick. I watched the vid of you taking out most of the TAC team that went to get you. Not bad for an untrained k**. I'm the recruiter for the Space Marines here, but I also fill a small quota for the Naval Air Service if I get one who qualifies."

"And?" she asked cautiously.

"And if you have the brains to go with the reflexes, this is your lucky day," he said, fishing a sheaf of papers out of his black brief case and tossing them on the desk.

Leigh looked them over, but she had never learned to read. The man seemed to understand and took them out of her hand.

"Full pardon, for all crimes against the authority. Registration, as a full human, don't bother telling me you aren't, I know that, doesn't make a fucking bit of difference to me and application for citizenship."

"What do I have to do?" she asked tentatively, expecting the worst.

"Just put your X on the dotted line, k**. You get the pardon, registration and an application for citizenship. Of course you have to earn that, five year commitment to the Navy. Odds are you won't live long enough to draw your first paycheck, but it beats sucking cock for the next thirty years don't it?"

"Some deal."

"If we weren't getting our asses handed to us by the Trogs, it wouldn't even be offered, sweets. You'd already be on a transport and sporting a shaved head, big tits, some new hardware and a different attitude."

"Five years and I'm done?"

"That's the deal. Don't expect to live to see it though, unless you're even better than I think you are," he said, extending a pen to her.

"You're mighty fucking encouraging," she snapped.

"I save the ass kissing for people who have a choice, k**. Honor, glory, duty, great pay, see exotic places, the girls will be creaming their panties over you in the uniform, all that crap. Why not be straight with you? If I told you, you were signing up for a firing squad, I figure you'd take that over the life of a pleasure girl."

"Life sucks," she said resignedly and made her mark on the line.

"Beats the alternative, k**, always remember that," he said as he stuffed the papers in his briefcase and stood up.

***


Katie stared around the huge landing bay with wide eyes. She had never seen anything remotely like it back home. She had chosen the space corps to do her five years of service right after graduating from intermediate school. Well, chosen might be a bit of an exaggeration. The recruiter had been tall, handsome and dashing in his aviator's uniform. His pitch had been smooth and polished, but the whole time he had been staring at her with come hither eyes.

Her pussy still tingled when she remembered meeting him after the job fair for tea at the local pub. Tea had given way to ale and she had been pretty tipsy when she agreed to go back to his room for a night cap. The night cap had tasted a little funny, but she was too far gone to worry about it.

The room had been cheap, but to her eyes it was grand. He had wasted little time, getting her to sign on the dotted line, and then tossed the papers into a stack on the desk. She remembered his strong hands on her shoulders, pushing her down to her knees. She had felt so incredibly naughty as she undid his dress trousers and fished inside for his cock.

She was already well acquainted with the male anatomy and couldn't wait to see what this man had in his pants; she was sick of pale, thin boys.

The sergeant certainly didn't disappoint. He was easily two inches longer than the biggest she had ever had, and much thicker. She gently stroked the satiny skin, watching his pulse in the thick blue vein that ran the length of his cock. It was large and thick, with a pinkish purple head. She was still just watching and stroking him when he tangled his hands in her dark black hair and pulled her towards it.

The head bumped her full lips and she parted them, gently sucking it into her mouth. Katie swirled her tongue around the head, enjoying the strong masculine flavor. When the sergeant groaned, she began to stroke the shaft, sucking until her cheeks hollowed and using her tongue on the underside.

"God damn, who'd have thought it? A cocksucker like you on this backwater," he exclaimed.

Katie preened at the praise and redoubled her efforts, twisting her hand on the shaft as she stroked and cupping his balls with her other hand. Soon he grunted, and his hands locked onto her head. He began to pump his hips, slowly fucking her face. Each time his cock head hit the back of her throat she would gag, but she was loving it.

Without warning he pulled her to her feet and undid her tight pants. He shoved them to the floor and then put his weight against her, riding her down on the bed. Lying with his weight on her, he reached between their bodies, grasped his cock and rubbed it up and down her moist lips. When he found her entrance he thrust himself forward, driving four inches of his hardon into her yielding body.

Katie gasped, and then moaned as he sank the rest with another thrust and began to stroke into her. She wrapped her legs around him, raising her hips to meet his thrusts. Soon she was groaning and whimpering as he relentlessly pounded into her. It felt indescribable and she realized what she had thought of as good sex was c***d's play.

He had come with little warning, pumping his load into her and rolling off while she was still panting. Her head was foggy and she thought this was how a girl was supposed to feel after sex, before the darkness had rushed in to claim her.

She awoke alone in the room, with someone pounding on the door. She had scrambled into her pants and opened the door, only to be grabbed by a strong man in shock armor who twisted her arm and lead her downstairs to a bus.

He had been a great fuck, but she swore she would rip the son of a bitch's dick off if she ever met him again. They hadn't even let her tell her folks good bye. Just a quick trip to the space port and she was on her way.

Bastard.

***


Rachel Loudelk's mind was also drifting as the PR officer's speech dragged on and on. The tall girl with dark hair and bronzed skin stood head and shoulders above the girl on either side of her. Even the one size fits all, unisex, gray jumper she wore couldn't disguise her lush curves or proud breasts.

Unlike her fellows, she hadn't volunteered for service. She was the eldest daughter of a tribal elder on Crotius, a reservation world. Her people had a centuries old agreement with the authority. In return for letting them live their simple lives, without interference or exploitation, they sent a guaranteed quota of warriors each year. It was a mater of tradition and honor that the eldest c***d of each member of the council always went when they came of age.

She wore a small medicine pouch around her neck, a parting gift from her mother. It was also part of the agreement that she could wear it while on duty. Her people were the only members of the military who could wear non-regulation ornaments. She wore it with pride, and felt superior to those around her. They were all in it for the money, or the glory or personal gain. She was there as part of her people's warrior tradition that spanned back across the ages to when man hadn't even left the tiny ball of dust that had spawned him.

She was physically gifted and had breezed through boot camp, the mental games being c***d's play compared to the grueling training she had undergone while studying with her mother, a tribal shaman. Long before her drill instructors said so she was tough, capable and confident. She kept a cultivated aloofness among her peers, which many took for a feeling of superiority.

Beneath the façade she was a warm and vibrant girl and her gregarious nature chafed at the isolation. She was hoping to make friends among the pilot trainees, now that the mind games of basic were over and she could lower her guard.

"All right, listen up," a deep baritone bellowed.

The cadets were all snapped from the near catatonic state the endless speech had produced. The PR officer was smiling and saluted before he exited, leaving the standing on the pad with only a giant of a man in an NCO's uniform that had more stripes than any of them had ever seen.

"I'm Sergeant Major Tucker and for the next four months, your sorry asses are my responsibility. The officers will make pilots out of you, I'll make soldiers out of you. I want you ladies to get your gear and form up over by blast door C. You've got two minutes to get whatever it is you've got in there, out of your system, or I'll be taking it out personally. Move!"

Leigh moved slowly over to the gear bags and located hers. She shouldered it and moved over to the blast door with the rest of the excited cadets. Her contempt for her fellows was barely contained and was sufficient to keep anyone from introducing themselves.

"Form up, follow me," the sergeant bawled, then exited at a swift route step.

They had learned to march in basic, but Leigh would be damned if she would become a faceless cog in the Authority war machine. She intentionally stayed out of step.

"Halt!"

The big man walked back to Leigh and stared at her from under the smokey bear hat.

"Did you forget to take your dildo out this morning, sweet pea?" he asked with a big smile.

"No, Sergeant," Leigh replied, ignoring the suppressed giggles from her fellows.

"Well, are you just too stupid to stay in step?"

"No, Sergeant."

"Listen girly, you got hot panties or something? You looking for some dick?"

"No, Sergeant," she replied through clenched teeth. Everyone was staring and laughing at her now.



"Well, sugar britches, why you trying to get daddy's attention then?"

Leigh was fast, incredibly fast, but she never even saw the backhand that sent her sprawling to the deck. Big, ham sized hands seized her jumper front and jerked her to her feet. She kicked out, landing a solid blow between the big man's legs. To her amazement he just smiled.

"Keep it up sugar, I like it rough," he said.

She was jerked up and slammed to the deck, the shock of her feet hitting so hard sent waves of pain up her legs and into her knees and hips. Before she could move he drove his knee between her legs. Leigh screamed, she had never felt pain like that. With total disregard the big man slammed her, face-first, into the bulkhead, causing her to see stars. Several backhanded slaps, delivered in rapid fire had her tasting bl**d. He beat her casually, unhurriedly, and without the faintest hint of emotion.

In her life she had been beaten by several men. Angry men with fire in their eyes, aroused men with lust showing on their faces and even a sadist with unholy ecstasy as he inflicted pain upon her. Tucker's face showed nothing, he might have been swatting a mosquito for all the concern she saw. It was calculated, brutal, and at the same time almost casual. It was the most frightening thing she had ever witnessed.

He stepped back and executed a spinning kick, driving the sole of his combat boot into her stomach. She fell to the deck and retched. Her body screamed and she tasted the smoky taste in her mouth that let her know a tooth was broken. He pulled her up to her feet by her jumper and locked eyes with her.

"Now darling, you fall back in with these other twats and keep up. If I have to stop this collection of split tails again, I'll pull every hair out of your cunt while the whole damn ship watches on closed circuit."

Leigh staggered back to her place and fought the nausea and dizziness. She was disoriented and in pain, but she kept up, certain of only one thing. If she screwed up again, he would do exactly as he promised.

***


Holly Dupree marched along, occasionally stealing a glance at the small girl struggling next to her. Holly was from old earth, the scion of a very rich f****y. Her parents had protested violently when she chose to earn her citizenship in the Navy, rather than taking the civil service job they had arranged for her.

She was regretting her idealism now. The beating the small girl had taken could only be described as brutal. Holly had never even been spanked before she arrived at boot camp. In the thirteen weeks there she had been slapped repeatedly, punched, kicked, and pinched. Her big breasts had seemed to be an inviting target and they had been so bruised and swollen before boot camp ended she had gone up a cup size.

The DIs had been merciless, and she had always been a target. It wasn't that she was clumsy or dumb, just that she had never had to do for herself. There was a maid back home to clean up and make the bed. A valet to help dress her and a cosmetologist to do her makeup and hair.

Despite the abuse, she had persevered and was now excited to be training on fighters. Her black belt, or primary drill instructor, had made her take the aptitude test a second time, not believing how well she had scored. The greatest thrill of her young life had been marching up to him after graduation and receiving her first salute from the son of a bitch.

The dark haired girl stumbled and started to fall. Holly's hand shot out, grabbed a handful of her jumper and kept her on her feet.

"Lean on me," she whispered urgently.

The girl looked up at her though pain glazed eyes and nodded dully. Holly slipped her arm around the girl's small waist and half-led, half carried her through the maze of corridors.

She wondered why she was helping; the girl had been so mean tempered on the flight no one would talk to her. Then she remembered boot camp. The first five k run. She had been the one stumbling then and if it hadn't been for another dark haired girl, doing for her exactly what she was doing now, she would have washed out on that hot summer day.

She had paid her back, on a hot sultry night. Allowing the little butch to suckle and nuzzle her big tits until she fell asl**p. She had thought that evened the score, but she realized now she was really evening it. Helping someone in need with no expectation of reward. As they filed past the Sergeant Major, into the squad bay, Holly held her breath. He saw them, she could see it on his face as plainly as day, but he said nothing.

***


Mindy closed her eyes as her hips moved into the fast driving rhythm she knew Leia adored. The room was dark and smelled heavily of aroused women. Sweat dripped off her lean body as she drove the thick dildo into the lush redhead beneath her.

Mindy was naked, save for the red harness around her waist. Leia wore a thin olive drab tee-shirt that covered her full breasts and the thick, fire proof socks all techs wore. Mindy was between Leia's splayed legs, holding her body up on her arms and working the big dildo into Leia's tight, pink pussy.

The insistent alarm continued to buzz, but for a few more strokes they both pretended it didn't exist. With a soft moan and sigh, Leia came. Her pale body arched and her hips shot up to meet Mindy's. The lithe blonde collapsed onto the redhead's soft body and for a timeless moment they lay still.

Mindy rolled off her body and lay panting as the redhead sat up.



"Thanks love, nothing like a quickie to make the shift seem short," she said with a giggle.

Before Mindy had even caught her breath Leia wiggled into her coveralls, leaned over and kissed her damp brow and slipped out of the room.

The tall girl rose and unbuckled the harness, tossing it and the slick dildo into the dirty clothes hamper. She showered quickly and slid on a pair of issue boxers. An issue tee and issue knee stockings came next. From the closet she retrieved the long black trousers, grey blouse and black dress jacket. Another induction day, another class, another night of missing her girl. What a fucking way to live, she thought as she placed her cap on her head and sprinted for the squad bay.

***


Raven "Lucky" West sauntered into the squad bay. She wore the same dress blouse and trousers as Mindy, but instead of a dress jacket, she wore a leather bomber's jacket. 151st fighter group, Hell's Angels was stenciled on the back, along with a logo of a starfield with a scantily clad female devil on a motorcycle. On the left sleeve was a stylized hand of cards. Five of diamonds, two of clubs and three aces of Diamonds.

Only an ace with over fifty sorties to their credit could wear the jackets, in lieu of a dress jacket. The patch was her badge of honor, the five and two representing sorties flown and the three red aces each represented five confirmed kills. Hearts indicated ten, Clubs twenty. An ace of spades represented fifty. Any pilot who saw her would know immediately she had flown fifty two combat sorties and scored fifteen confirmed kills.

Lucky wore hers mostly because "Surfer" Gibson couldn't and it gave her a leg up in the pussy contest. Lucky was a tall girl, with wide hips and heavy breasts. Her face was pretty, but not stunning and the glasses and long brown hair softened her appearance a bit. She was excited today, more so than she usually was with an incoming class. She had seen the new policy regarding training. Thirty fresh bitches, straight from planet side and not a swinging dick to be seen anywhere they were allowed to go. A dyke's dream come true. She couldn't wait to get a look at them and decide which one she was bedding first.

"Surfer" Gibson was a tall, lithe girl with a toned body and jet black hair. She was stunningly beautiful and the uniform showed off her trim body to best advantage. She was casually leaning against an RFD MkII trainer and had the same hungry look Lucky was sure she was wearing. The two butch flight instructors had a friendly standing wager. They kept score on the recruits they bedded during each four month cycle. Whoever lost had to play the bitch for the other during the two week down period between classes, when they kept each other company.

When Captain Davies entered the bay from her office they both came to attention. Lucky suppressed a grin when she noticed how gingerly Surfer was moving. She had gotten in her last fuck before the new class arrived less than an hour earlier and she could still see visions of the lithe girl's upthrust ass as Lucky's big red dildo pounded into it.

"Ladies," Erica said with a nod.

"Captain," Lucky replied with a salute.

"Boss," Surfer replied before saluting.

"Where's the Goose?" Erica asked after returning the salutes.

"Here," Mindy called as she entered the squad bay at a trot.

"They should be here any minute. I don't need to tell any of you we're taking a beating out there or that our pilot losses are unacceptably high. Command is asking us to put more emphasis on defensive formations and evasive maneuvers. Tucker will enf***e stricter discipline. Goose, they aren't hitting what they shoot at, that's the word from the field, any ideas?"

"Yeah, take the skirts off and turn 'em loose on real time targets. You're never going to learn gunnery shooting at stationary targets and drones," she replied.

"Lucky?"

"I agree, Captain. Letting them go live is going to result in more training accidents, but you can't substitute for the real thing, even the simulators aren't the same."

"Surfer?"

"If we are going to go live, lets change up the flight training and stress landings first." she replied thoughtfully. "That's where we have the most accidents."

"I don't know," Erica said thoughtfully.

"It's up to you, Boss," Lucky said, "but if you want them to survive longer in combat, you're going to have to risk losing a few in training. That's the way it always works."

"All right, I'll run it by the man."

The sound of marching feet echoed in the squad bay, suspending the brief meeting. Tucker marched them in sharply.

"Platoon, halt! Left face! At ease!"

Erica surveyed them, the expectant faces and bright eyes. She read them all, from the farm girls to the city girls, the cocky to the shy. It had become routine for her. And it killed her to know she would be sending most of them to their deaths in about four months. One in particular caught her eye, her face was bl**dy and she marked the girl as a troublemaker if she had already earned Tucker's ire.

"Welcome aboard TAS Yorktown. I'm Captain Erica Davies, Boss to you all. I know you're all tired, so I'll keep this brief. I assume Lt. Commander Haniford has already bored you to tears," she said, waiting for the titters and giggles to die.

"Yorktown is the oldest ship in the fleet, the last with a fully functioning civilian city onboard. York is completely off limits to you all, for now. Anyone caught there will be jailed. No exceptions. Don't say you weren't warned."

She looked at them for a long moment before continuing.

"We'll be your training crew, so let's get the introductions over, and let you draw your temporary bunking assignments. I'm Yorktown's Air Boss, anything that flies is my responsibility. I've been a combat pilot for longer than most of you have been alive. Lucky?"

The stacked woman moved confidently to the front of the formation as Erica stepped back.

"All right girls, my name's Raven West, but you'll call me by my call sign, Lucky. We do things a little different here, you'll each get a call sign and you'll be known by that for the rest of your training period. Get used to it, get used to responding to it. In combat, it's what you will hear from your wing mates and you need to answer to it as naturally as you do your given name."

She paused briefly, and then continued.

"I'm the senior flight instructor here. I've got five years combat experience and over fifty sorties. I can teach a monkey to fly one of these birds, and I can train you if you're willing to learn. Surfer."

The dark-haired girl glided to the podium. She surveyed them quickly, settling in on a tall, busty blonde for her primary target.

"Marina Gibson. Surfer to you. I'm also a flight instructor, but my primary job will be to teach you unarmed and armed combat techniques, as well as a physical training regimen to get your bodies ready for the Gs you'll be pulling. I have four years combat experience and have killed a Trog, hand to hand. Goose."

"I'm the Goose," she said, from her place near one of the planes, "I'll be your primary gunnery instructor. If you don't kill them, they will kill you. Lucky and Surfer will show you all the acrobatics, with me it's deadly serious. I wash out half of those who fail each training class. Anyone can fly one of these things, but it takes dedication to be a good shot. If I think you aren't as serious as you need to be, I'll form forty-four your ass, most ricky tick. Tucker."

"I'm Sergeant Major Tucker. Don't have no fancy call sign. You'll call me Sergeant Major. First one to call me sir, I'll take you across my knee and tan your ass. I'll teach you how to perform effectively as a unit. Discipline here is my responsibility and you girls are going to be as disciplined as the emperor's guard, mark my words."

"All right," Erica intoned, "fall out, find your rooms and stow your gear. I'll be conducting interviews this afternoon and all of tomorrow. You have free run of the flight crew service area. Get to know your way around. Come Monday, be ready to start learning. Dismissed."

***


The express lift that took her from the flight deck to the bridge rose soundlessly. Only the slight sense of motion in her stomach gave away that she was moving at all. It rose five hundred decks in the space of a minute before it stopped with a gentle bump and the doors hissed open.

"Air Boss on deck," the sentry called out before she even got out of the lift. Everyone on the bridge snapped to attention.

"As you were," she said and the crew went back to work.

They were all young and fresh faced. Command rotated them every six months; just about the time they started to figure out a bridge crew on a parked ship was about as useful as tits on a boar hog. This crew had just arrived with her cadets and would get a thorough, if narrow, taste of life on the bridge of a star ship.

Captain Quarrels sat in the padded skipper's chair, with his ever present cup of tea. He was in his eighties now, at that point where you either get promotion to flag rank or start thinking about life after the service. He was qualified, but knew he wouldn't see another promotion. Command of the Yorky was a highly prestigious way of easing you out. His days in uniform were numbered, just like hers, and the two career military personnel shared a bond.



"Captain," she said, offering a salute.

"Erica," he replied with a mischievous smile.

"Permission to speak to you in your office?"

"Of course, of course, come along young lady," he said, rising stiffly and limping to the blank door that marked his office. Inside the room was sumptuously appointed, with real wood furniture and real silk upholstery. He sat behind his big desk and smiled easily.

"What can I do for you? Haven't decided you're hard up enough to take me up on my offer of bed and breakfast, I suppose."

Despite herself Erica laughed. He drove her to the brink with his lack of formality, and made passes at her that were so intentionally clumsy they were comical. One day she swore she was going to take him up on it, just to see his face, but not today.

"I suppose you saw the directive from command?"

"Which one? The one that reprimanded the chef for cooking too much or the one that directed me to institute harsher measures to stop fraternization, as if I can control hormones with orders, or the one directing me to begin live situation training, forgetting the ship hasn't moved since before I was born?"

"The one directed at the flight crew," she said, shaking her head.

"Oh come on, smile. Yes, I saw it. Stupid. It isn't as if you are sending them off half-cocked, so to speak."

"Perhaps we are," she began.

"Poppycock. Utter balderdash. You do as fine a job training these c***dren as anyone in the fleet."

"I'd like your permission to go to live fire gunnery drills, sir."

"Do you think that's wise?" he asked, suddenly serious.

"I think it's the only way we are going to give them an edge. The instructors all agree. I'm just concerned about safety."

"You're the Air Boss. I'll rubber stamp whatever decision you make, my dear. I too, think it's the only way we can give them a more realistic training program, but I would never have stepped on your toes to suggest it..."

"Thank you, sir," she said, saluting.



He smiled and gave her a wave as she exited.

***


Lucky, Mindy, and Surfer all sat at the wooden table and downed beers as fast as Bel, the crippled bartender, could bring them. It was their last evening of liberty until after the initial flight training was completed and as usual, they were tying one on, speculating and telling lies. Bel sat with them often, as much one of the girls as any man could be. In fact, Lucky had dubbed him an honorary lesbian. He wore that title with as much pride as he did the small medal of honor around his neck.

His bar was the place where the pilots on board hung out. Small, smoky, and filled with memorabilia from his flying days, he had bought it off the last owner, who had also been a combat veteran. There were no patrons this early and the bar girl knew better than to go near Lucky or Surfer when they were drinking. The last time she had found herself mildly d***k and sandwiched between them. Not something she would normally mind, but the two of them were so competitive she had missed three days of work before she could walk straight afterwards.

Bel was a short man, with thick arms and a barrel chest. He had been crippled when his Executioner had been too close to the line of fire of a battleship's main battery. Both legs had been vaporized below the knee and he now got around on prosthetics. He passed more tankards around and eased into a chair.


"Indian girl is hot," Lucky commented.

"Straight as an arrow, too," Goose observed.

"Ya think? I kinda got a good vibe from her," Lucky went on.

"Indian, shmindian, I can't wait to get between the legs of that blonde bombshell," Surfer added.

"She's straight, too," the Goose predicted.

"Honey, there ain't none of 'em straight once I get between their legs. She'll be giving me head before she knows thrust from yoke, bank on it," Surfer said with almost arrogant confidence.

"Go ahead, set your sights on her, it won't be my ass Lucky is tearing up," Goose said, smiling evilly when Marina blanched.

"You bitch," she hissed at Lucky.

"Not me, I swear it," Lucky said holding her hands up even as she started laughing.

"She didn't rat on you. I know how a girl with a well fucked ass moves. I'm not above taking the back door from time to time and Leia loves it," Goose said while pouring another drink.

"You are so whupped," Surfer said, trying to change the subject.

"Oh Lucky, that's it, tear me up baby!" the Goose cried in a reasonably good imitation of Surfer when she was playing bottom.

"One of these days, Goose, I'm going to tear your ass up," Marina threatened.

"When did you girls get so into ass fucking?" Bel asked.

"It wasn't my idea," Surfer said petulantly.

"You've got a cute ass, you didn't complain when I started," Lucky said.

"Shut the fuck up," Surfer growled.

Lucky managed a big shit-eating grin while Bel and the Goose hid theirs behind their steins. A group of techs came in and Goose checked them out, disappointed to see Leia wasn't among them.

"How bout that farm girl, the one with the nice ass?" Goose said.

"Straight," both Lucky and Surfer said in unison.

"I think you're both wrong."

"I wonder if she's a natural blonde," Surfer said, returning to the current object of her attention.

"It's probably shaved, she looked pretty freaky to me," Lucky opined.

As the hours passed, their speculation grew from orientation to shaved or natural to wild and freaky or missionary only. The bar filled, then slowly emptied and still they carried on. It was well past 03:00 before they staggered out, leaning on each other for support.

***


Leigh had been dreading it for several hours when her turn came. She entered the Air Boss's private office and sat stiffly in the chair before her desk. The tall woman took her time going over Leigh's dossier before looking up.

"Nasty shiner, you've got there," Erica commented.

"Yes ma'am, should have been watching where I was going," Leigh replied instantly.

She wasn't a faceless cog. But she wasn't dumb either. Alleging on the Sgt. Major would get her run out of the service, and Balefeas was waiting if she washed out.

"At least, you're not a rat."

Erica looked into the recruit's eyes and felt her breath catch in her throat. There was something there, something disturbing. She was an excellent judge of people, but this girl was an enigma. And something about her was disturbingly captivating.

"Well, recruit, I've looked over your folder. Pull your weight, learn the job and respect your fellows and the past will carry no weight with me. Screw up again and I'll personally see you on the next transport back to that shit hole you were born on, and you know what that means as well as I do."

Erica saw the anger flare in her eyes, and felt the challenge.

"Permission to speak freely, recruit. Get it off your chest, it's the last time you'll be free to show your ass around here," Erica said, coming around the desk.

"I don't care about your fucking navy. I'm not intimidated by your trained gorilla. And I'm not intimidated by you!" Leigh shouted, before launching herself at the tall woman.

Leigh was angry. Angry with the world for turning on her, angry at the Sergeant Major for embarrassing her, angry at herself for losing it, knowing full well she was throwing her life away, but more than anything she was angry with this tall woman, who brought home to her in a threat, just how out of her control her life had become. Leigh's sudden attack caught Erica off guard and the short girl quickly caught both her wrists.

Erica drew her right arm back quickly, while forcing her left arm out. This pulled Leigh close to her body, and allowed the Air Boss to use her weight. She pressed forward with her chest, but the small woman surprised her, releasing both of her wrists, sliding under her arm and locking her arms around Erica's waist. Erica grimaced, and then used her legs to propel herself backwards. The lip of the desk hit Leigh in the small of her back, and both women went across the desk, landing in a heap on the other side, as the roller chair shot out of their way and things crashed to the ground.

They came to their feet, but Leigh still had all the leverage. She was suddenly aware of how soft the tall woman's body was in her arms. She smelled the faint scent of lilacs from her hair, and saw her pulse beating in her elegant neck. There was something disturbingly sensual about her commander now and Leigh felt an unfamiliar thrill at being in control.

Erica smashed back with her elbow and the air left the small woman's lungs in a rush. A second vicious jab and Leigh released her hold, realizing she could be battered in this position with no way to defend herself or exert control over the taller woman. Leigh kicked free of Erica's body, knocking the tall woman to her knees. Both women came to their feet, facing each other and panting.

They circled warily, each looking for an opening. Leigh saw one first, skating to her left she feinted towards Erica's midsection, and then threw herself at the tall woman's legs. It should have knocked her down, but Erica had not been fooled by the feint and drove her knee up, catching Leigh squarely in the chest.

The wind was knocked out of her and before she could get a breath, Erica kicked her hard in the ribs. She rolled over onto her back and was staring down the barrel of Erica's dress pistol. Leigh's anger burned out as suddenly as it had risen and she relaxed on the floor, trying to breathe.

The door opened and Tucker stepped in. Seeing the big man, Leigh died inside, realizing she had just let her temper seal her fate. She wondered if the Air Boss would shoot her. Suicide by design was better than what awaited her.

"MPs are on the way, Boss," he said. Leigh noticed his voice was different, softer and deferential, almost meek.

"Belay that." Erica said, still breathing hard.

"What'll I tell 'em?" he asked, cocking his head and giving her a quizzical look.

"Tell 'em to get the boys from Bio down here, I saw a rat. And get this piece of shit out of my office," she said, indicating Leigh with her boot toe. Tucker nodded, reached down and bodily lifted Leigh by the scruff of her neck. He walked out of the office, with the small woman's feet dangling two inches off the floor.

As the door closed four men in shock armor came running around the corner. Leigh found herself with her feet on the floor and stood there, weighing her chances of making a break for it.

"Relax, boys," Tucker said easily, "False alarm, the Air Boss has a furry visitor. I'll put in a call to Bio, sorry to have shook you out,"

The leader smiled and took his helmet off.

"Don't sweat it, Sergeant, first action we've had in months. I'll need a signature though," he said, pulling a pad from his back pocket.

Tucker signed it and the MPs headed back, grousing about women and their frailties.

"What the fuck is going on?" Leigh asked as Tucker propelled her towards her quarters with a shove.

The tall man said nothing, until they were in Leigh and Rachel's room and he shut the door. With that same casual disinterest, he smashed his balled fist into her stomach, doubling her over. With both hands he caught her jumper and jammed her back into the bulkhead. Her head smashed into the wall and she saw stars. Her face was even with his and her feet were dangling well off the deck.

"I been doing this a long time, girly. I was whipping recruits into shape before you got your first period. I know your story and it don't mean shit to me. I've washed out hundreds of pukes like you, who don't belong in my beloved Navy."

"I don't want to be in your fucking Navy!"



"If you'd rather be working on your back, just say the word," he replied in that strangely soft voice.

Being reminded of what she was avoiding by being here took the fight out of her. Her temper had nearly cost her again and she was still not sure why it hadn't.

"I'm sorry, Sergeant. I thought that was where I was heading when you showed up."

He looked long and hard at her, his brown eyes boring into her. Leigh met his gaze, even though she felt an overwhelming desire to lower her eyes.

"Sorry don't cut it here. You got a chip on your shoulder the size of this ship and you've been throwing a personal pity party since you landed. Woe is me, I'm so put upon. Everybody hates me, guess I'll go eat worms, Boo hoo hoo," he said with sarcasm dripping from the high falsetto he used.

Leigh saw contempt in his eyes and anger, but she also saw something that hurt even more, pity.

"I am being screwed over," she protested, but it sounded hollow even to her.

"Yeah, that's some screwing. That's twice the Boss has stuck her neck out for you. Twice she's risked twenty years of spotless service to keep you out of trouble. I'd have form forty-foured you from the get go, but I have less tolerance for uppity pukes than the Boss does"

"I never asked her for any favors!"

"No, your real tough, a real lone wolf. But she's done it just the same."

"Why?" Leigh demanded.

He shook his head and sighed.

"You think you're the only one who ever came to the service to avoid Balefeas?" he asked.

Tucker dropped her to the floor and, spinning on his heel, exited the room. For a long time, Leigh sat on the floor in shock.

***


Erica was returning the things they had knocked over to their rightful place when Tucker slipped into her office.

"All square," he said.

"That girl is going to be the end of me, Tuck. I just feel it."

"Lotta rage in her. Lotta hate. Maybe too much to salvage. You're running a lot of risks, Boss."

"I know, Tuck, I know. But I can't condemn her to Balefeas without trying, you know I can't."

"I know. For what it's worth, I think she has the makings. I just don't know if she can let the hate go, but I've seen worse in my time. I remember this one hellion from Hell's Kitchen..."

"That's enough out of you," she scolded.

"I haven't started yet," he replied with a grin, before exiting her office.

Erica sighed and collapsed in her chair. Leigh's file was still open before her. She had only to fill out a forty-four and she would be rid of her. Discipline case, unfit for flight training. It was that easy. Instead she scrawled 'attitude problem' in the notes field and tossed the folder in with the others.

As she sat there, she wondered if she was really taking chances because she didn't want to send the girl to a life of sexual slavery or if there was another reason.

Erica hadn't been physical with anyone since her fiancé William had been killed. She was in her sexual prime and still she avoided men. But when the small woman's hands had locked around her waist, she had felt it. A thrill that had nothing to do with the danger.

She was very proper, but she wasn't dumb. She knew all about Lucky and Surfer's activates as well as the Goose's girlfriend. She had never felt herself attracted to any woman, but in the dark, quiet of her office, she couldn't get the small girl's face, especially those angry eyes, out of her head

***


They all stood at attention in the big bay. It was the first day of training and a big day. Their numbers had already been thinned by three. Two medicals and one reassigned by the Air Boss after her interview. It was a big day for them for another reason. Today they got their call signs. A training call sign wasn't the same as the one your mates chose for you when you joined a group, but a surprising number of pilots kept the one they were given. This was because the call signs usually were tied to some personal trait of the pilot.

They all waited now while Tucker read out a list of infractions. No one was spared, everyone had done something wrong in the last forty-eight hours. Unlike boot camp there was no harassment for infractions, just a demerit. Enough of them and you washed out, so it was serious business. When he finished he stepped back, saluted Lucky, and marched off.

"Okay, girls. It's time."

She stepped up to Holly and saluted.

"Welcome to the one hundred and first training wing, Jugs."

The blonde rolled her eyes and Lucky winked, causing her to blush.

Katie was next in line and waited expectantly.

"Welcome to the one hundred and first training wing, Lou."

"Why Lou?" she asked in confusion.

"You remind me of the girl from the cartoon, watch that first step, it's a lou lou," Lucky replied with a smirk.

On down the line she went, when she stopped in front of Rachel Loudelk she paused.

"As I understand it, you Indians already have a warrior name. What's yours?"

"Little Cloud," she replied without hesitation.

"Cloudy it is then, welcome to the one hundred and first training wing."

She paused in front of Leigh a few moments later.

"Had one for you, but Tucker insisted, so welcome to the one hundred and first training wing, Rebel," Lucky said, with a wink.

When she finished with the unofficial ceremony, Lucky walked over to a table that had been set up and grabbed a clipboard.

"Listen up, girls. The basic unit in the Terran Air Service is the flight. Five fighters make up a flight or four bombers. Flights are arranged into commands, commands into groups, groups into wings and wings into flotillas. There are enough of you for several flights, so we are going to break you up that way to begin training. You'll each be assigned a flight for the duration of training. You'll bunk together, attend classes together, and train together.

In your training, the instructor will assume the position of fight leader. For you girls who end up short sheeted, an extra instructor will fly. When I call out your names, get to your quarters, get your gear together and report back. Do it as a group, you'll be reassigned rooms together."

"Cloudy, Jugs, Lou, Rebel, group one."

She waited until they had made it to their rooms and grabbed their gear.

"Boxer, Red, Wolf, Tease, group two."

***


"I still like vixens," Jugs said hopefully.

"No fucking way, I know it's cute and all, but I'm not calling myself a bitch," Cloudy responded.

They were sitting in their room, discussing what to call their flight. Cloudy sat on her bunk in just a tee and the white cotton panties they were issued. Her long black hair was worn in a pony tail and even after weeks with no sun, her skin had a golden bronze tone to it.

Lou sat next to her, wearing the simple bra and boxers she had been issued. She was tapping her foot on the floor and had a thoughtful expression on her face. Her skin was pale. Next to the big Indian, she looked like a ghost.

Jugs sat on her bunk across from them, topless and wearing her BDU bottoms. She seemed totally at home with her large breasts bared and no one seemed inclined to ask her to cover them.

Rebel lay on her bunk above Holly's head, still fully clothed and staring at the ceiling.

"I suppose the flying circus is too long?" Lou said.

"Yeah, Surfer said one word, at most two," Holly replied.

"Bollocks," the country girl exclaimed.

"We're supposed to learn to work together, but here it is past midnight and we can't even agree on a name. Rebel, you've been pretty quiet, what do you think?"

"Black."

"Black what?" Holly inquired.

"Just black," she said with a shrug.

"Black flight? That's not half bad," Cloudy said.

"Works for me," Lou said, standing and removing her bra before mounting the top bunk.

"I still like vixens," Holly said as she wiggled out of her BDUs and got under her blankets.

"Off," Cloudy commanded and the lights died.

Rebel lay quietly with her hands behind her head, staring up into the inky blackness. In time, she was able to make out the soft breathing and sl**p induced mumbles of her mates. She was desperately tired, but after last night, she was even more afraid of sl**p.

She wasn't really sure why she was afraid, the dream had been far from scary. It had actually been her first really erotic dream. She had wakened with achingly stiff nipples and the uncomfortable wet feeling in her boxers that she associated with dressing quickly after sex. All in all, it had been very pleasant. The problem was the object of it had been her tall, straight-laced commander and that revelation had been far from pleasant.

***


The lights came on automatically and reveille was piped into their room. Boot camp had made its impression and they all rolled out, making bunks and quickly dressing. They moved quickly to join the other girls lining up outside the cafeteria. It would take weeks before they were able to untrain themselves from the boot camp habit of doing everything as if the very hounds of hell were following them. Breakfast was hearty, but plain and all were surprised to find coffee and tea. In boot camp they had been forbidden caffeine or nicotine, here they could have both, but it was still a shock.

They ate quickly and with few words, shoveling the food down and hurrying back to their quarters to make sure their gear was stowed before formation.

Tucker was there, looking immaculate and wide awake. He took a head count from Corporal Sands and then ticked off a few things on a clip board.

"All right, ladies. This is your last formation for the next two weeks. You will spend the next two weeks in small group exercises. Discipline will be maintained, inspections will continue, and demerits will accrue."

A hubbub of voices broke out and Tucker cleared his throat.

"I'll still be watching you, ladies. I expect you to maintain proper discipline. Infractions will get you a lot worse than demerits," Tucker growled.

***


For the last five minutes Rebel hadn't been able to keep her eyes of Holly's boobs. The large, soft orbs bounced under her leotard and, during many of the exercises that left them inverted, obscured her face entirely. Cloudy and Lou were both having trouble as well, and for once, Rebel was happy to have small tits.

The four of them wore drab green leotards and grey leggings. Surfer wore a tight blue sports bra and shorts.

"Spin…No, use your legs only, like this," she patiently instructed.

Zero-g calisthenics. Rebel had never been so completely worn out. Intricate moves, with no resistance at all. Isometrics, yoga, dance, the routine seemed to be designed to kill her.

Surfer proved to be a far tougher taskmaster than even Tucker. She was relentless, forcing Rebel to go on when her body shrieked in pain. Muscles she didn't even know she had ached, throbbed and protested, but still the dark haired girl wasn't satisfied. Holly broke first, doubling over and clutching her breasts. Lou was next, curling into a fetal ball and whimpering as she clutched her sides. When Cloudy finally stopped, panting and sweating, it was just Rebel and Surfer.

On and on it went, far past the limits she thought she could bear. Yet she refused to quit, refused to give up, and more importantly, refused to fail again. Surfer pushed her, pushed her hard, but eventually the exertion began to show on even her beautiful face.

"Take the grav back up, Penny," she called at last.

They all descended slowly to the floor, and as the weight of gravity made itself felt, Rebel collapsed on the padded floor along with the others.

"Not bad for first timers. Jugs, you're coming with me this afternoon, after I clear it with the Boss. Cloudy, Lou, hit the whirlpool. Expect pains in places you didn't even know you had. Rebel, no one has ever stayed with me for a full session the first time out. You just might make it, girl."

With that, the tall girl rose and exited the training room.

"Ohhh, fuck," Lou groaned.

"What was that shit?" Cloudy asked in a breathless whisper.

Holly just made a sound like a wounded a****l. Rebel stood dazedly and took a faltering step towards the exit and the short hallway to the whirlpool. Unaccountably, she stopped and turned back. Cloudy was trying shakily to get up. Lou hadn't moved and Holly was still curled up in a ball. Rebel felt something strange, a compulsion she was unfamiliar with. Deciding she was too tired to fight it, she trudged back and extended her hand to Cloudy.

The warrior's eyes were defiant for just a blazing second, and then melted into a grateful smile. Rebel helped her to her feet and together they helped Lou up. It took all three of them to get the nearly u*********s blonde to her feet. In a shaking, quivering group, they slowly aided one another to the whirlpool.

Rebel pulled her clothes off with difficulty, finding even the usually automatic ritual to be too much to do without conscious thought. Her arms and hands were shaking so violently by the time she was naked, she was f***ed to hug herself and breathe deeply, like she had just run from the authorities after a heist.

Cloudy ended up helping Lou undress and Rebel aided Holly. The poor girl was in agony and Rebel felt for her. Despite her pain and fatigue, she couldn't help but ogle Holly's big tits and smiled when she saw her soft blonde pubes. She helped her to her feet and together they hobbled into the deep whirlpool to join Lou and Cloudy.

***


Holly was lying on her bunk when Surfer walked in. She looked fresh and fit, totally recovered from the work out.

"Oh come on, girls, it wasn't that bad," the superbly fit pilot chided.

She wore olive drab coveralls and seemed none the worse for wear from the morning's exercises, unlike the rest of them who were in varying states of immobile pain.

"Surfer, kiss my ass," Lou declared vehemently.

"Love to, but you have to earn it," she replied unflappably.

"Up and at 'em, Jugs."

"Screw you," the blonde blurted out and then moaned and cradled her aching breasts.

"Damn, I should have brought my strap on with all the invitations I'm getting today."

The dark haired girl grabbed Holly's hand and bodily pulled her to her feet. Every muscle in Holly's body seemed to protest and knot at once and she would have fallen if Surfer hadn't held her up.

"Come on," Surfer said, half leading, half carrying the tall woman with her.

Parked outside was a jeep, which Surfer helped Holly into and then got in herself. She drove carefully through the squad bay, but opened it up some once in the long service corridor. When they passed the large yellow line painted on the floor that signaled the boundary of the flight area Holly managed to speak.

"I can't leave the fight area, Surfer."

"Yes, you can, with the Boss's permission."

"Where are you taking me?"

"York, of course."

The town of York was housed within a huge armored cocoon in the center of the ship. Today's ships were basically floating cities in their own right, with recreational facilities and other amenities built right in. When the Yorktown had been laid down, each of the massive ships had been built with a city inside. Crews would often go crazy, back when space flight was young, because of the enf***ed boredom.

To forestall this, 'City-ships' had been a stopgap measure. The small cities provided recreation, a place to spend money, women, booze and all the things sailors were missing. The next generation of ships had foregone the city, but had expansive facilities for recreation and were Authority mandated to put in and give shore leave every three months. After that, as Cosmo-psychology began to isolate the exact factors involved and their effects, ship interiors were tailored to incorporate the findings.

The citizens of York were all descendants of former crew members, with some families tracing their line back to one of the original volunteers. They lived in a bubble, with a strict set of laws dealing with births, deaths, and immigration. c***dren were f***ed to leave at age eighteen. Those who wished to could return after they earned their citizenship.

Holly didn't know any of this, nor did she care. Each time the wheels hit a new deck plate the resulting shock seemed to speed directly into her boobs. All her body was one screaming mass of pain and she wished again she had listened to her folks.

"We're here," Surfer announced, as the jeep came to a stop. The building was a carbon copy of the one next to it, thirty stories of reinf***ed concrete and shatterproof glass. Surfer helped her out of the jeep and guided her into the building. The inside was hollow, with a huge atrium and glass elevator at the center. Shops of all descriptions were stacked, tier up on tier.

On the twenty-seventh floor they got off, crossed the narrow catwalk and entered the second shop they came to. It was a lingerie shop, filled with every possible type and style of undergarments, from fetish to functional.

A short woman with blue hair walked up and embraced Surfer, then gave Holly the once over.

"Let me guess dearie," she said in a kindly voice, "thirty-eight double D?"

"Thirty-eight E," Holly mumbled, feeling like she was about to pass out.

The woman shook her head and laughed.

"Zero-g rig?" she asked, turning back to Surfer.

"Yeah," the dark haired girl said with a smirk.

The woman took Holly by the hand and led her back to a dressing room. She pulled out some material and began working with it, chatting all the time.

"Strip to the waist please," she called as she took a large pair of shears from a drawer.

Holly tried, but her fingers wouldn't cooperate. Suddenly Surfer was there, casually removing her clothes, but the look in her eyes was anything but casual and despite herself, Holly blushed. Surfer stepped back then, but made no effort to leave the room. Her dark eyes were locked on Holly's big tits and when the blonde caught her eyes, the dark haired girl theatrically licked her lips.

"I don't understand you girls. I'd just get a reduction myself, but hey, we all have our preferences, right sweetie? Arms up please," she said, wrapping a thin green sheet of gauzy material around Holly's chest.

She took out a small blowtorch and lit it, causing Holly's eyes to get big.

"Relax. That material is a synthetic, it's totally non-flammable, but heat causes it to stiffen while staying soft," she said matter of factly as she applied the flame to the material. Holly felt nothing at first, but soon the material seemed to be shrinking, molding itself to her breasts.

The woman put out the torch and removed the material, taking it over to a machine which cut the now hardened cups out. An hour of sewing, fitting, sewing, refitting and finally Holly found herself wearing a light, but extremely strong and supportive bra. She could jump up and down and her breasts would barely move, not that she had any intention of jumping, she still felt like death warmed over.

The woman led her out, Surfer signed a receipt and they were on their way back to the barracks before Holly's dazed mind could really come to grips with anything.

***

Once the lithe instructor and their blonde flight mate departed, the room returned to silence. The dinner tones came over the speaker, but still no one moved.

"Rebel?" Cloudy said quietly.

"Yeah?"

"Thanks."

"No sweat," she responded, feeling silly.

"Thanks both of ya. I was so knackered, I don't think I could have gotten up by myself," Lou added.

"We better try and make it to dinner, or it will be a long night," Rebel said, trying to change the subject.

"True enough," Cloudy replied, rising slowly.

Lou went on about how much she appreciated their help as they all dressed. She was sweet, Rebel decided. Not the kind of sweet she was used to, wheedling, cold, calculated to get by on charity. Just a simply and genuinely a sweet person. She had no experience with that.

Or with friends. That was something she could never have afforded back home. Everyone had ulterior motives. Everyone was out for number one. Anyone could be the one who would sell you out to save themselves. Even lovers. Friends were a liability. They caused you pain and made you weak.

She kept reminding herself of that as she dressed, as they all shuffled out to dinner, as they ate. Lou talked about her home, her f****y, and her life, totally openly and in unguarded terms. Rebel was used to people barely speaking about themselves and volunteering no information without need. Cloudy was less forthcoming, her world being ruled by different values, but she opened up a little, here and there.

Rebel said little, but she listened and read between the lines.

Friends are dangerous, she reminded herself as she lay down and the light went off.

"Bullshit," she whispered to the immortal darkness before she plunged into the abyss of dreamless sl**p.

***

Holly moaned softly and spread her legs wider. The Jeep was parked in a disused dead end access tunnel. Jugs was leaning back in the seat, with her new bra pushed above her ample breasts; her BDUs were around her ankles and Surfer's insistent fingers driving into her pussy.

While three fingers plunged into her, the flight instructor's thumb repeatedly brushed her now engorged clit. Surfer's mouth was busy too, sucking on Holly's nipple while her tongue feathered it. Holly could hear people walking past the entrance and the thrill of possible discovery only added to the rapidly building tension in her stomach.

"Oh god!" she gasped, when a particularly strong tremor rocked her.

Surfer ceased tonguing her nipple and stared into her eyes.

"Come for me. Come for Daddy," she demanded.

Her fingers continued to plunge into Holly's tight passage, but she added a twisting motion that made it seem like even more were in her. Surfer's thumb pressed hard on her clit now, pushing down and relaxing in rhythm with her fingers. They were demanding, confident and strong, which was exactly the kind of lover that made Holly's knees go weak.

She tossed her head back, grimaced as she fought back the elated scream that wanted to burst forth when her pussy spasmed and sent waves of heady pleasure shooting to her brain.

"Uh...Uh...Uh," she cried, fighting to keep the sounds from bursting forth and giving them away. As the orgasm subsided, delicious little ripples and occasional shocks passed through her.

She felt Surfer move and opened her eyes in time to see the lithe beauty toss her boxers over the steering wheel. She climbed up on the seat, her legs on the back deck and lowered her slippery cunt onto Holly's lips.

Holly looked up her body, past the shaved mound, small, pert tits capped with dusky nipples, and into those amazingly sure eyes.

They seemed to sparkle in the dim light, like a cat's.

"Eat me, you hot bitch."

Holly quickly closed her eyes and extended her tongue. She licked gently up the silken lips, enjoying the strong, musky flavor.

Surfer wasn't in the mood for gentle lovemaking, she grabbed two handfuls of blonde hair and pulled Holly nose deep into her wet cunt. Using the handfuls of hair like the handles on a bicycle, she began to grind her pussy onto the blonde's face.

Holly shifted her body slightly, while bringing her hands to Marina's firm ass and holding on. The new position, as well as extra stability, allowed the lithe girl to begin riding Holly's upturned face for all she was worth.

"That's it. Eat that pussy. Ohhhh, yeah!" Surfer groaned.

She came quickly, surprising Holly with the volume of her juices, which quickly coated her face and filled her mouth. She was still licking when Surfer dismounted and dressed, throwing the Jeep into reverse almost before Holly got her bra back on and tunic closed.

The dark-headed girl tore through the service corridor, leaning on the horn and cursing as people dodged out of her way.



"What's the hurry?" Holly asked, still in a euphoric state.

"Boss gave me permission to take you into town and get you a zero-g rig, but she didn't give me permission to fuck you. She's a tight ass, but she isn't dumb." Surfer said.

"Well, that's good," Holly said smiling.

"Good?"

"I thought you were in a hurry to get away from me," she said quietly.

Surfer laughed out loud as they crossed back into the flight area.

"Baby, that was just an appetizer. Wait'll your first liberty, I'm gonna fuck you raw," she promised.

***


The next morning the four of them made their way towards the cafeteria. They moved slowly, with variations on a shuffling gait that kept their legs from parting. The groin muscles in Rebel's legs felt tighter than a guitar E string. Other things hurt, but the muscles in her groin, abdomen and vaginal area were by far the most sore. From the looks of things, her mates felt the same.

On a big board hanging over the entrance to the mess hall were two names, Dutch and Wizzo. Next to each the word Goose was neatly stenciled.

"What's that for?" Lou asked.

"It means they washed out," Cloudy said solemnly.

"And the Goose part?"

"It means she washed them out," Rebel volunteered after a few moments of silence.

"Know either of them?" Holly asked.

"I was in boot camp with Dutch. She was that big Swede. I didn't think she would make it, great reflexes, but she was a little screwy," Cloudy volunteered.

"What happens when you wash out?" Holly asked.

Rebel suddenly realized, she didn't know. For her washing out was unthinkable, but what about for regular recruits? She had no idea.

"I've heard it's bad," Lou said quietly.

"Not so," a strong voice boomed behind them. They all turned to see Corporal Sands standing there smiling.

She was a rail thin woman with flat features and dark skin. As Tucker's right hand she was mostly feared, but none of them had any reason to dislike her, at least not yet. Today she was in her BDUs and a slouch cap. She was an impressively attractive woman for all that and her smile was contagious.

"Wash outs go to bomber school. It's easier in a bomber, you have a bear to handle the weapons."

"Bear?" Rebel asked.

"Yep, a back seater. Weapons officer. Your bear handles all the defensive weapons, you just point your ship at the targ and let your missiles go, then get the hell out of dodge."

"And if you wash out there?" Lou asked.

"Non-combat flight. Shuttles, skiffs, in system or in fleet cargo transfers. And before you ask, if you wash out there they retest you and try you somewhere else. Of course if you are the worst of the worst, you know where you go don't you?"

All four girls looked expectantly at her and she smiled broadly.

"Cooks and bakers school," she roared, clapping Lou and Holly on the back as she breezed past them and into the mess hall.

They looked at each other and, slowly, grins broke out on each of their faces, followed by giggles as they followed the Corporal into the mess hall.

***


Erica sat in her office, poring over the reports from her instructors. As usual, the majority of wash out recommendations came from Goose. She looked up as the thin blonde entered her office, saluted, and then sat in the chair across from her. Erica returned her salute.

"I know you're a professional…" Erica began.

"But you want me to pass marginal cases," the Goose finished for her.

"Damnit Mindy, this isn't peace time. You can't wash out half a class just because they aren't crack shots!"

"I don't care if they are crack shots when they come to me, but if they aren't when they leave, I'll recommend a forty-four."

"We can't do that."

"So you want me to send out pilots who can't fight?"

"No! I want you to teach them to fight. Why do you have to be such a hard ass?"

"Because pilots who can't shoot are dead men walking. I won't be a party to murder."

Erica massaged her eyes and sighed.

"I know. You're the best gunnery instructor in the fleet, maybe in the Navy. But we have to find some kind of middle ground, Goose. The first two I agreed with, but these next six? You haven't even had them in the simulator yet."

"And I'm not putting them in the simulator. And I'm damn sure not putting them in a fighter!"

She was mad, Erica could see that. She didn't really blame her. Of all her instructors, Mindy took her job the most seriously. Privately, Erica agreed with her stance, but the higher ups didn't.

"How's Leia?" Erica asked, shocking the instructor and diffusing the hot confrontation she could see coming.

"I don't know. Haven't seen her in a couple of days. You know how it is first week or two. Why?"

"Because you're a lot easier to deal with when you're getting laid on a regular basis," Erica said with a ghost of a smile.

Mindy's face showed complete shock. She then blushed and grinned.

"I guess I am."

"Take the evening off. Here's a pass. Go get laid before you drive me back to the bottle."

"I'll take the pass, but I won't get laid. You know the techs are working overtime to have the birds ready when flight training begins."

"Yeah, and I sent Carson a bottle of synthscotch. Leia is off duty tonight."

Mindy was laughing as she took the pass from Erica's hand.

"Doesn't this count as bribery?"

"I prefer to consider it morale building," the tall captain said as she returned to her paper work.

***




Mindy ambled out of the boss's office and towards the service corridor. She wanted to put the conversation with her superior out of her mind, but knew she couldn't. At least not yet.

She and Erica had gotten off to a rocky start. The Air Boss had been instrumental in blocking several requests for transfer back to a combat unit and Mindy had resented it. Two or three times they had nearly come to blows in the heated arguments that followed each denied request.

That all changed after Mindy met Leia at Bel's place one evening. Mindy had watched her for hours as she and a group of techs celebrated another graduating class. She was a part of the group, but seemingly separate from it. Quiet and shy, with a captivating smile and dancing green eyes, she had returned Mindy's stares with interest.

It took three weeks of asking, cajoling, and finally shameless begging to get a date. On that date, Leia had been beautiful, in a green sheath dress and heels. Mindy had worn her dress uni, with her flight jacket.

The evening had been comfortable, but Leia had remained distant and Mindy had all but given up on an invitation for a nightcap from the shy woman. That changed the instant they were alone in Leia's quarters. From innocent to a****l, the redhead had rocked Mindy's world.

She was deeply in love and it changed everything. Twice now, the Boss had saved her from transfer to a combat unit. Mindy missed the atmosphere and camaraderie of a combat post, but she wouldn't give up her post here for anything now. Not as long as Leia was here.

With a sigh, she decided to be less critical of her charges. Erica put her neck out all the time for her people and she deserved some loyalty, even if she was a hard-ass. Mindy would still form forty-four the worst of them, but she decided to back off some, too.

The thin blonde stopped in the middle of the corridor and laughed.

She marveled at her commander yet again. She hadn't even got a hug yet and she was already coming around to the commander's way of thinking. That was the Boss's greatest gift as a leader in the Goose's opinion. She could read people and worked on their better instincts instead of their worst.

When she opened the door to her small apartment in the city she heard the shower going. Knowing only Leia had a key, she quietly disrobed and slipped into the small bathroom. She leaned against the basin and just stared, with a happy grin on her face.

Leia's long red hair was almost black when it was wet and she looked very much like a brunette at that moment. Water sheeted off her head and rolled down her back, splitting into two rivulets at the rise of her ass and rolling off her generous hips.

Her legs were parted and Mindy couldn't help but gaze into the dark cleft between them.

"Ohmigod!" Leia exclaimed when she felt eyes upon her and turned suddenly.

"Sorry baby," Mindy said with a grin.

"No, you aren't. You do this every time I come over," she pouted.

"I'll make it up to you," Mindy said, sliding into the shower with her and enjoying the hot spray.

She slipped her arms around her shorter lover and cupped her breasts. Mindy loved the satiny feel of Leia's skin and the water made it slippery. The tall blonde mashed her generous tits together as she ground her pelvis into Leia's plump ass.

The redhead giggled and plopped a bar of soap and wash cloth into her hands.

"If you're going to take liberties, you might as well soap me up," she teased.

Mindy smiled and went to work, thoroughly soaping up her soft breasts and flat tummy, before delving between her legs. She kept her hands firm as she knelt and did each leg. There was a sensual element to showering together, but Mindy never let it get to her. She washed each millimeter of her lover's skin tenderly but thoroughly, overkilling if she thought she might have missed even a spot.

She would never forget the first time her little angel came in from work and they showered together, the water had turned an oily scummy black as it ran down her body. Leia worked with the big ships' engines and she picked up all kinds of toxic materials during a twelve hour shift. The soap was special, carrying no scent, but made specifically to neutralize and remove any toxin.

Once they were done they both rinsed off and climbed out of the shower. Leia wrapped a towel around her head and another around her body before padding into the bedroom. Mindy followed admiring her lover's backside. A day together this early was rare and Mindy wondered if dinner wouldn't be appropriate. She wasn't hungry, well, not for food anyway, but she didn't want to seem like she was only interested in sex.

Leia dropped the towel, climbed onto the bed and pulled a pillow out from under the sheets. She slid it under her ass, lay back and spread her legs. With her fingertips she opened her flower, exposing the soft inner folds.

"Don't just stand there looking edible, we only have f******n hours before I have to get back," she said with an impish grin.

This was the very thing about Leia that Mindy was so enchanted with. She was so shy, so very proper and ladylike, but then she would do something like this and just blow the thin instructor's mind. Mindy no longer tried to understand it, she just enjoyed it. Moving to the nightstand she retrieved her harness and buckled it on. She then crawled between her lover's legs and kissed her inner thigh.

Leia moaned softly and tangled her hands in Mindy's short blonde hair. She tried to guide her lips to her clit, but Mindy was having none of it. She kissed and licked the redhead's inner thighs unhurriedly, alternating from one to the other and her hands snaked up the girl's sides and began to knead her breasts. Another soft moan set the blonde's bl**d on fire, but she wouldn't be hurried.

The fat nipples hardened and the aureoles puckered, allowing her to capture one between each thumb and forefinger and gently roll them. She kissed around the fleshy mound of her lover's pussy, thrilling when the faint musky odor became stronger and Leia's hips began to jog. The scent of Leia's arousal mixed with her own as the redhead's lips became puffy and slick. Only then did Mindy begin to tongue them, using the tip of her tongue to outline her lover's sex.

Leia gasped and her body arched, trying to f***e herself up and into more firm contact with Mindy's warm mouth. The blonde took the hint and flattened her tongue, running it up her girl's slit, between the puffy lips and over the hard pebble of her clit. She latched onto the erect pebble and laved it with her tongue as one hand abandoned Leia's breast and slipped to her entrance.

Mindy used an aggressive cock, and enjoyed filling her girl completely, but despite this, Leia remained extremely tight. Mindy gingerly worked a finger into her, thrilling to the massage the silken glove was giving her finger. She intensified her lashing of Leia's clit and smiled happily when she shuddered and her internal muscles clamped down on the intruding finger. Her hips jogged and she wailed as her orgasm washed over her.

Mindy rode out the thrashing, staying glued to her clit, but as soon as she calmed, the blonde moved up her body and captured her lips. Leia kissed back passionately, her hands moving between them to grasp Mindy's cock and bring it to her entrance. The blonde eased herself down, enjoying the sensation as the fat head met resistance and f***ed the base back onto her own clitoral hood.

Slowly the big cock sank into Leia's passage, until it was all the way in and Mindy's mound rested on her lover's. She began to work her hips then, slowly and languidly fucking her little lover. As Leia's passion was reignited she began to moan and raise her hips to meet each thrust. Mindy felt herself tensing and felt the knot of desire in her tummy. When Leia wrapped her legs around Mindy's thighs and sank her nails into the sensitive skin of her ass, the blonde bit her lip. When she began to pull Mindy into her with each thrust she groaned and lost it, smashing her hips into her lover's in a paroxysm that soon had them both orgasming hard.

Mindy's hit her like a ton of bricks, shooting up from her pussy to her head and exploding in starburst behind her tightly closed eyes. The waves were thick and heady, each one carrying her higher and higher, until at last she felt herself floating down on a cloud of euphoria.

As the pleasure faded and her sanity returned Mindy rolled off her partner. Leia caught her head and guided it to her breast. Content, sated, and now very sl**py, Mindy suckled as her lover stroked the skin of her face.

***


Rebel was staring at Holly's tits again. She couldn't quite explain her fixation, but she had to admit they were nice to watch with no explanation. A week into the zero-g workouts and she was already seeing the results.

They were all leaner, suppler, and their stamina had increased dramatically. The obvious changes weren't the main thing though. Rebel had gained a remarkable degree of control over her vaginal and abdominal muscles. The muscles in her thighs and ass were more pronounced as well. All of this was seemingly secondary, but their course work had given her insight that this, and not the overall suppleness and tone, was the main objective.

The fighters pulled tremendous G-f***es. All pilots wore a compensator flight suit that was filled with liquid. The suit would automatically fill, compressing her lower extremities and forcing bl**d to her chest during high G maneuvers, but it wasn't always enough. With some effort she could now tighten her muscles voluntarily and restrict bl**d flow. The techniques weren't meant to replace the flight suit, but to compliment its abilities and help prevent black outs and red outs.

Along with course work came unarmed combat training, but the zero-g workout still took up their morning. Class work was being cut to two hours so they could get a full workout in the afternoon as well.

Rebecca excelled at the physical, but her course work was borderline at best. After the first couple of days, her frustration with her limited ability to read and write had reached the boiling point.

The horrors of basic training had been double for her, as a remedial course in Terran standard had been added to her daily load, cutting into her already abbreviated sl**p time. The standard course hadn't prepared her at all for this course work, with its jargon and big words. Her mind could grasp the concepts, but repeating them on paper proved difficult at best.

She had been up against a wall, fearing she would fail, when a strange thing happened. It began with Lou, sitting up all evening and "studying" with her. It took her a couple of days to realize the beautiful country girl wasn't really studying, but was teaching. Cloudy joined in and then Holly. Without a word, without a single incentive that she could see, her flight mates took turns giving up their evenings to help her through.

It was humbling, but at the same time awe inspiring. All she had learned on Taltos was proven to be wrong. Friends weren't a liability, they were the greatest asset you could have.

She would have felt shamed, but she was able to repay them with help where they were weak. Holly and Lou were both struggling with unarmed combat. Rebel had started taking them to the gym after hours and working with them. They would never be dangerous opponents, but with her help, they were both scoring high enough to pass.

Cloudy was the exception, she seemed to have no weaknesses. Her course work was top notch and she was easily as physically gifted as Rebel was. Rebel watched her often, paid attention when she was talking and had slowly developed a great respect for the tall girl's sense of right and wrong.

A lot of things had changed for the ex-thief. An appreciation of feminine beauty was one. She found herself watching her fellows and appreciating their beauty, grace, softness and more. She was growing too, learning a great deal about interpersonal relationships and the value of friends. The real change was in her mindset, though. She didn't realize it, but every day she was less the outsider, less the lone wolf. The process was slow, but every day lessened the anger and rage that she carried inside.

Of course, watching her roommate's tits was embarrassing, especially when Holly caught her at it and winked. Yet the blonde never mentioned it or let on she knew Rebel was checking her out. That was something else she was learning about friends. Letting them know the real you wasn't a bad thing. Secrets were not ammunition to be used against you later. They could be fun, something shared and enjoyed. The revelations just kept coming.

***


"Welcome, ladies, to Combat Flying 101," Lucky said.

There were sixteen of them there, the first time since they had separated into flights that they had had any contact with the other trainees. Standing in a loose group on the flight deck, next to a sleek fighter, it was the first time any of them really felt like they were doing something real.

"This is our old friend, the RFD Mk. IV Condor trainer. She's a two seater, with dual controls. The instructor in the back can take over at any time for safety's sake. These fighters are not as powerful or as fast as the Mk III Ghostdogs or Mk VII Swallows that most units are equipped with, but they are plenty to learn on."

Cloudy examined the machine with interest, but didn't tune the beautiful instructor out.

"Today we are just going to take each of you up for a little joyride. I'll be taking Black flight and the Bandits. Surfer will take the Rowdies and the Witches."

Once the two groups separated, a tech took each woman to a locker room and helped them into the form fitting flight suit. They had all been measured before flight training began. Cloudy's suit was black, although she had been offered a choice of colors. She was the first one fitted and returned to the flight deck to wait for the others. Lucky was wearing her suit already. It was a deep aquamarine color and seemed painted on, with only the hoses detracting from the image of a mermaid with legs. Cloudy could easily see the outline of Lucky's pussy and was sure her suit made hers look just as prominent.

"Climb in Cloud Warrior, the tech will help you get settled."

The seat was deep and heavily padded, she had to adjust it to make sure her feet hit the pedals correctly. The tech, a girl named Maria, attached the hoses and powered up the console. Cloudy felt the cool liquid as it filled her suit, making it almost uncomfortably tight in seconds. The tech put her helmet on and attached more cables. When the HUD superimposed itself on her view plate Cloudy started, but relaxed immediately. The tech held up a hand, with one thumb up and Cloudy mimicked her.

"Ready to go, Cloud Princess?" Lucky's voice purred in her ear.



"Yes."

"Hold on to your ass then," Lucky said as she taxied the fighter across the bay and into the catapult chute. Techs quickly attached cables to the launcher and gave them a thumbs up.

"I want you to relax, this is a little hard on you first time out."

"Okay."

Lucky depressed the launch button and the hydraulics fired, accelerating the craft to launch speed in microseconds. Cloudy was thrown back into the deeply padded seat and felt her suit squeeze her like a deranged anaconda. In the blink of an eye they were out in space and the ship's engines fired.



"You all right?"

"I think I know how a bullet feels," Cloudy replied.

Lucky chuckled as she brought the ship into the first training course. The turns were easy and Lucky expertly maneuvered the ship. Cloudy watched the stars, felt the motion, the f***es and found herself mesmerized.

"Don't usually do this, but you want to try the controls?"

"Can I?"

"Yeah, let me go off preflight. Don't tell anyone. I normally don't do this, but you seem miles ahead of your classmates, so I'll risk it. Hands on throttle and yoke. She's all yours in three, two, one."

Cloudy eased the throttle forward, feeling the g f***es push her back into the seat as the sleek warbird accelerated. A slight adjustment on the stick and she broke to starboard.

"What do you think?"

"It's not bad. The controls are touchy," Cloudy replied as she made an adjustment to get the fighter back on course.

"This is nothing, girl. On a Ghostdog interceptor that little nudge you gave would have put you into a roll."



Lucky let her work the ship through the course for a few minutes.

"Guess I better take her back and take you in."

"Thanks."

Lucky reassumed control and turned the ship into the control pattern, lining her up on the ship's outboard landing bay.

Cloudy was silent, watching intently and realizing she had found her calling.

"Landings are the toughest part, you see the blinking lights?"

"Yes."

"You just line up on them and bring her in. Put your hands on the controls if you want, they are locked out as long as I am using mine."

Cloudy did so and felt the throttle easing back and the yoke making constant minute adjustments. The rudder pedal under her feet moved and a red light snapped on as Lucky deployed the flaps.

"Flaps won't help in space, but the moment you pass the Z barrier and enter the atmosphere in the landing bay, they will slow you."

When the ship touched down it was smooth as silk and Lucky taxied back to where her classmates were waiting.

***


Alarms screamed, the stars rotated violently, and the g f***es pressed Lou back into the padded seat.

"Bollocks!" she exclaimed, punching several buttons and jamming her foot down on the tail rudder petal. The ship continued to spin, increasing the Gs, until her hands were f***ed back to her body and she couldn't move them. The planet was rising to meet her, filling the view port and she felt like she would pass out as her vision began to go red.

The motions stopped, alarms went silent, the screens went dark and the star field and planets faded, leaving her panting and staring at gray walls.

"Fuck me," she panted.

Lucky stood next to the cockpit, staring at her. Lou was apprehensive, removing her helmet and looking up at the instructor. Lucky's face was grave and Lou started to worry, until she realized the tall woman was fighting back a grin.

The dark headed trainee smiled tentatively and Lucky chuckled while shaking her head.

"Bollocks?"

"It means bullshit," she said, blushing slightly.

The busty instructor burst out laughing before climbing into the simulator behind the startled trainee.

"Nina, take it back up," she called.

Lou felt Lucky's full breasts in her back and shivered when the instructor's fingers closed over her hands on the controls.

The star field faded back into existence and the lights came back up on the control panel.

"This isn't hard," Lucky whispered in her ear.

Lou shivered, feeling an unfamiliar, yet familiar stirring in her tummy.

"Left hand is thrust. Ease it forward to increase, back to decrease," she said, slowly moving the control forward then back.

"I understand that, it's the other little thingy that's not cooperating."

"The yoke?"

"Yes, that's it. Term slipped my mind, the yoke."

Lucky's next question shocked the country girl.

"Ever give a guy a hand job?"

"Erm, well, once," Lou stammered.

"Same concept. It's sensitive, so be gentle. Which ever way you move it, the ship is going the opposite way. Just like if you pull down on his cock, a fellow will stand on tip toe."

As she spoke, Lucky gently moved the yoke back, causing the nose to rise.

"No need to be rough with it. In fact the more severe you are, the less likely it is to do what you want, just like with a guy."

"So, um, just move it slowly?"

"Not slowly, gently, there is a difference."

"What's that?"

Lucky's hands left the controls and cupped Lou's generous breasts, causing her to gasp. Those hands began to gently, but firmly, knead the sensitive orbs. When her nipples hardened Lucky captured each between thumb and forefinger and began to gently, but quickly, squeeze them.

"Gentle, but not slow," she whispered, nipping the startled girl's ear.

"Oh my!"

"Indeed. If you are having trouble with thrust just let me know, I'll give you a private demonstration in my room," Lucky whispered before shouting for the tech to bring the sim down.

***


Lou stood outside the door to Lucky's room and chewed on her lower lip. She knew she shouldn't be here, if Tucker caught her he would go ape shit, but the itch between her legs wouldn't be stilled. She had tried masturbating, cold showers, even black coffee, which only made her gag. At the oddest times she would feel Lucky's hands on her breasts again, and she was forever staring at the tall instructor's crotch in her tight flight suit.

Tonight had been the last straw, waking up to find Holly gently masturbating, just a few feet from her. She had feigned sl**p, but the blonde had been so hot she had found herself wet and wanting. Now she stood here, indecisive. What if the invitation had just been a joke? She would really feel foolish.

Screwing up her courage, she gently rapped on the door. A few moments later it opened and a sl**py Lucky, wearing only a long tunic top, was staring at her.

"What's up?" she asked by way of greeting.

"I…erm…that is…I was wondering if I could get that lesson in thrust!" she blurted out, blushing furiously.

Lucky poked her head out, looked left and right, then grabbed her by the arm and jerked her into the room. Her quarters were larger than the one Lou shared with the rest of her flight. There was a big bed and a private bathroom, as well as a kitchenette and small living room.

Lucky turned her back and walked into the kitchen, her bare ass plainly visible beneath the hem of the shirt. She came back and handed Lou a tumbler.

"Drink it," she ordered.

Lou did so, choking on the alcohol as it burned her throat. Lucky laughed and stood back to admire her.

"You must need it bad, girl, to risk this."

"Well, yes…I suppose I do need a good shagging pretty badly."

"I love that accent. Okay, baby, I'll give you some lessons in thrust, but it's going to have to be quick. Reveille is in two hours and I still have to figure out how to smuggle you back to your room without Tucker nailing both our asses to the wall."

The tall instructor pulled the shirt off and tossed it to the floor. Lou felt her pussy twitch when Lucky was revealed in her naked glory. She moved purposefully to the night stand and pulled out a strange harness which she began to buckle around her waist.

"Don't just stand there Lou, get naked, times a'wastein" she called.

The dark-haired trainee quickly kicked off her boots and started undoing the buttons on her blouse. She was just removing her bra when Lucky turned to her and she froze. The belt around her waist held up a prick! Not a real one of course, but it looked real and was larger than even the recruiter had been.

"What's the matter? Never seen a cock before?" Lucky asked with a smile as she stroked the monster dildo.

"Never on a woman!" Lou exclaimed.

Lucky chuckled and turned back to the nightstand, grabbing a tube of lubricant and slicking up the dildo as Lou finished disrobing. Once she was naked, Lucky approached her and the grabbed her. Spinning her around, the instructor grasped a handfull of hair and jerked Lou's head back hard.

"Something tells me you're the kind of girl who likes it rough, am I right?" she purred.

Lou felt a shiver run through her and was only able to nod, no words would form in her suddenly dry mouth.

Lucky chuckled again, a sound Lou found incredibly sexy and exciting. Without warning she shoved Lou to the table and roughly bent her over it.

"Spread 'em," she grunted, kicking at the inside of Lou's leg. The petite trainee let her legs slide out, exposing her pussy to Lucky's fevered eyes.

"Fuck," she said, grasping the base of the thick dildo and rubbing it up and down Lou's lips.

Lou moaned, feeling the big cock at her entrance and tensed when she felt Lucky grasp her hips. The air was f***ed from her lungs and her eyes teared up when Lucky drove into her with a wicked thrust of her powerful hips.

"Geezus. I'm sorry, baby," Lucky said, pulling all the way out.

"Are you all right?" she asked, stroking Lou's back.

"Yes, I think so," she managed.

"You should have told me you weren't experienced," the tall instructor chided as her hand gently massaged Lou's abused pussy.

"I thought I was," she groaned, causing the instructor to laugh out loud.

She returned the head of her cock to Lou's entrance and pressed forward slowly. Lou groaned as she felt it stretching her open and fought to relax as her muscles clenched. Lucky went easy, feeding her an inch or two at a time, and stopping frequently to let her adjust.

Lou felt stuffed. She had never even imagined she could feel this full before. Nothing had prepared her for it and the signals shooting to her brain from her abused tissues were nothing short of mind blowing. Thick, heady pleasure mixed with both sharp and dull pain. Her mind couldn't sort them out, they were too intertwined and she wasn't sure if it was pain or pleasure, but whatever it was she liked it.

Eventually Lucky's hips bumped her shapely rump and she knew it was all the way in. Lou surprised herself by letting out a deep breath she hadn't realized she had been holding.

"All right, pilot, ready for some thrust?" Lucky purred.

Lou nodded and looked back over her shoulder to see Lucky setting her feet and she thrilled when the cute instructor's warm hands clamped down on her hips. Lucky drew back about half way and thrust forward, eliciting a groan from her lovely partner. The dildo dragged a little on the way out so she thrust back in before getting as much out this time. Lou moaned and her hand snaked between her legs to begin wildly massaging her clit.

Lucky smiled and began to pound into her, enjoying the squishy sounds the big cock made as it f***ed tissue aside.

Lou was in heaven, Nothing had ever felt this good. Her body shuddered through another mini climax and her inner muscles clamped down on the huge cock. She felt her body tense and bit her lower lip as the first of several powerful orgasms began to tear at her sanity. Wave after wave of outrageous pleasure assaulted her mind and with each one she felt more and more disconnected from her body and reality.

"No…no…no..please..no more…"

She found it odd to hear herself mumbling that, the last thing she wanted was for Lucky to stop. The instructor seemed to know this and picked up her pace, causing Lou to shudder violently. She felt another orgasm coming, this one seemed to be building in her stomach and when it exploded she felt something in her head tear loose. She gave a feral cry and thrust back wildly on the plunging dildo, driving it deeper into her hungry pussy. It hit something deep inside and a lance of pain-pleasure blotted everything from her mind.

She came back to reality to find Lucky no longer inside her. Her pussy throbbed, but she felt so empty she couldn't believe it. She wanted more.

"You gonna make it?' Lucky whispered, gently stroking her back.

"Yes," she managed, her tongue seemed cloven to the roof of her mouth and speech was difficult.

"You've got a fantastic ass," Lucky said, pushing a finger into Lou's anus up to the first knuckle.

"Oh!" she exclaimed.

"Ever had anyone in there?" Lucky asked in a hushed tone.

"No! Never."

"Want to?" she asked with a big grin.

The very thought was so naughty it made her tingle.

"I don't know, isn't it supposed to hurt?' she asked tentatively, fighting down the urge to just say yes to whatever this magnificent woman wanted to do to her.

"It can, but not if you do it right. How 'bout it, sugar? Want to feel this big dick in your ass?"

Lou bit her lower lip and nodded slightly. Lucky smiled and placed the head at the entrance to her pussy, shoving it deep into her.

"Oh! I thought…"

"Gotta get it all slick for you," Lucky interrupted, pulling out after a few quick thrusts and bringing it to Lou's tight pucker.

Lou tensed, waiting for it, but Lucky just held it there and stroked her cheeks gently.

"Relax. You have to stay relaxed or it will hurt."

Lou nodded and f***ed herself to relax. Lucky applied firm pressure and the dark haired girl felt it begin to enter her body. She fought the urge to tense, and groaned as the head opened her sphincter and passed into her anus.

Lucky took it slow, but she knew exactly what she was doing. When the head butted up to Lou's internal muscular ring, the one she couldn't control, Lucky slapped the girl's ass with all the power she could muster.

Lou squeaked in surprise and before her body could react, Lucky jammed forward, opening the internal sphincter with only a slight stab of pain.



After that, it took only a short while for Lucky to bury the entire dildo in her lover's quivering ass. She just watched for a while, immensely enjoying the way Lou's muscles were working beneath the pale skin of her ass.

Lou felt stuffed. If she thought the big toy in her cunt was something, the way it lewdly stretched open her ass was even more powerful. When it began to move inside her bowels she felt a shudder of pleasure. Her hand snaked down to her wet pussy and began to stoke her hyper-sensitive clit.

Lucky grabbed two hands full of her hair and pulled hard, making Lou's back arch, allowing the instructor a better angle to really tear her lover up. The huge cock moving in her ass was nothing short of incredible and the orgasms quite simply destroyed any conception she had entertained before of what sex was all about.

It was almost time for reveille before Lucky arranged a diversion and Lou managed to drag herself back into the room.

***


"This is a gun," Mindy said, holding up the short-barreled shotgun.

"It's different from a rifle, in that there are no grooves in the barrel. All naval guns are smoothbore, although few fighters or capital ships use slug throwers anymore. In general, you will only see mass drivers on bases, stations and other static defenses. The exceptions to this rule are the Ghostdog interceptors, which use eight, fifty-five millimeter autocannon as their main armament. The other standard fighters use Particle Projection Cannons commonly referred to as PPCs or phased laser arrays, commonly called phasers or pulse cannon."

"In this course you will learn the nomenclature of every weapon in the Terran arsenal. You will learn to fire each of them and you will learn to hit what you are shooting at or you will wash out. There are no half-way measures. Being able to hit what you shoot at is like being pregnant, you either are or you aren't."

Without further ado, she turned on her heel, brought the gun to her shoulder and fired a shot, breaking one of the targets down range. Several girls jumped at the sound, having never heard a gun fired for real.

"Accuracy is attained through two means, practice and knowing the physics involved. Accuracy in a fighter follows the same principals, so before you learn to shoot a ship's guns, you will all learn to shoot here on this range."

Goose nodded slightly and several young men passed out rifles, coated in a thick viscous liquid. The next two hours were spent learning to clean and care for the Mk XI combat rifle.

***


Rebel rolled over in her bunk and gasped when the cold metal of her rifle pressed between her breasts.

"Bitch," she mumbled to the weapon she now called Erica. They all slept with their rifles, ate with them, even showered with them, which of course demanded a through cleaning and oiling afterwards. And they all had to give them names. She had named hers after the Boss, provoking a lot of laughs. Only she knew there was more to it than met the eye.

Rebel could take hers apart and reassemble it in the dark. She knew every part by name and could identify them all by touch. She could also shoot, scoring perfect at 100 meters. The Goose was dedicated, thorough and tireless, drilling proper gunnery into their heads.

From day one they had progressed from shooting at static targets, to a moving platform to shooting at moving targets from a moving platform. Rebel and Cloudy were the best shots in their group. Lou and Holly were barely scoring in the adequate range. Three girls had washed out and two more were on the cusp.

Rebel just didn't give a damn. Three sl**pless nights in a row had her on edge. She knew what was wrong, she was just plain horny, but she couldn't bring herself to take care of it in the presence of three other people. As stealthy as they tried to be, she had plainly heard Lou and Holly masturbating. The furtive moans and soft sighs had done nothing but inflame her own lust.

Tomorrow was the final qualifying day and she just had to get some sl**p, but the itch between her legs was incessant and unremitting.

Sighing, she rolled onto her back and let her hand glide down her bare tummy and into her boxers. She needed release, need it too badly to keep ignoring it. Her fingers traveled through her sparse pubes and traced the lips of her sex. It took a few minutes of gentle exploration for her to lubricate and for her lips to gape open.

She found her clit and began to massage it, but as horny as she was, orgasm remained elusive. She knew why, it was holding her breath and trying to be stealthy.

"Oh, bullshit," she hissed.

The bed moved and she held her breath. Rebel was shocked when Holly carefully climbed over the foot of the bed and placed a knee on either side of her feet. The blonde gingerly knee walked up her body until her rump settled on Rebels thighs. She wore only a tee shirt and panties and rebel couldn't take her eyes of the girl's huge breasts. She was obviously braless as Rebel could make out the coaster sized aureoles as darker patches behind the thin material.

"What are you doing?" Rebel hissed, glancing over at the bed across the way.

"What were you doing?" Holy replied with a barely suppressed giggle.

"Nothing," Rebel said, feeling the blush rise to her cheeks.

"Really? Felt like you were rubbing your pussy real hard," Holly teased.

"All right, so I was playing with myself, get down before someone catches us."

"No, not 'til you get off. You haven't slept in three days, you're irritable, on edge and you're risking screwing up. Your scores have fallen today and yesterday. You gotta sl**p, baby."

"This isn't helping!"

"No? Well, how bout this?" She said, catching the hem of her shirt and whisking it over her head. Her large breasts literally bounced free and Rebel's mouth went dry. She tried to move, but was paralyzed with indecision.

"Oh, come on, baby. I've seen you checking them out, it's okay, they don't bite," Holly said, taking Rebel's hands and guiding them to the incredibly warm, satiny orbs.

Rebel squeezed, finding the texture amazing and the resilience fascinating. Despite herself she was soon kneading them, caressing them, mashing them together and releasing them to watch them bounce.

After several minutes of this Holly moaned quietly.

"Enough play time," she whispered.

She fell gently forward and rolled onto her side. Her breasts were even with Rebel's head. Holly took one, guided the nipple to the young woman's lips and cooed when Rebel almost involuntarily sucked it into her mouth.

She sucked gently, like a c***d and Holly cooed in her ear, gently caressing her cheek.

Rebel woke with a start and looked about in confusion. It was still a long time to reveille, but far later in the night than it had been when she rolled over. She had no idea when she had fallen asl**p or how Holly got back to her bunk without waking her. Her pussy was throbbing with need and she let her hand slide back down her body and began to vigorously stroke herself.

Giving up on keeping her mind blank, she let it roam and of course, she found herself again in a big bed with Erica beneath her. She didn't even understand the how, but she was fucking the beautiful commander and when she moaned, Leigh felt a massive contraction in her pussy followed by pulses of pleasure, radiating out from her center and rocking her world. She woke to reveille with her hand still wedged between her sticky thighs.

***


Rebel sat ramrod stiff in the chair across from the Boss. She had been dreading this, but knew it was coming. Everyone went through an interview as flight training came to a close and they prepared to graduate.

The boss looked over her file and then looked up, staring into her eyes.

"Life is strange. I've seen a lot happen in my years doing this, but I've never seen a malcontent go to the top of the class. Want to let me in on your secret?"

"I wish I knew, Sir."

"I wish I did, too. I'd feel a lot better doing what I am about to do if I knew what had motivated the change of heart."

"What you're about to do, Sir?"

"Rarely, a cadet graduating will prove to have the reflexes, speed, and mentality you see only in the best of the best. Such cadets, upon recommendation from their instructors, will receive advanced flight training on the Ghostdog interceptors. Each fighter flotilla has one squadron of ghostdogs. They are the elite. The best of the best. The very epitome of what combat pilots should be. It took me five years and fifty confirmed kills to earn an invitation to join an interceptor squadron. For that reason, I have never made such a recommendation, until now."

With that she stood and handed Leigh a single sheet of paper and saluted.

"Cadet Collins, you are hereby brevetted Lieutenant, Second Class and will not be moving on with your class to combat, but will head to earth and the two f******n training wing. Congratulations."

Leigh saluted, too stunned to even say thank you.

***


Rebel's face hovered above her and her naked body rested upon her own. They were kissing passionately and the girl's small breasts were pressed into Erica's.

"Now hear this, Now hear this, General Quarters, General Quarters, this is not a drill."

Erica snapped up out of her bed and was pulling on her BDUs before her fogged mind could even begin to grasp what she was doing. The dream still lingered, herself in her bed, locked in a passionate embrace with her problem c***d trainee. Shoving it from her mind she pulled on her blouse and charged out the door of her room.

"Tucker!" she shouted above the din and chaos of the flight bay.

"I've got it under control, Boss, you're needed on the bridge!" he shouted back. She nodded and jumped into the jeep, firing it up as several techs leaped into the seats and back.

Erica tore down the corridor, abandoning the jeep at the service lifts, to see the tech who had been riding next to her take the wheel before the vehicle stopped rolling and screech away in a cloud of smoke.

"Air Boss on the bridge" the sentry shouted. There was no need to say at ease, if the bridge crew heard they didn't respond. They were all working feverishly at their consoles and twenty different conversations were going on. Erica saw the chief engineer standing at his post and the flight officer at his.

"What in god's name?" she blurted.

"Indeed," Captain Quarrels replied. He looked different, sober and his tea was missing. He smiled at her and motioned for her to take the small flag officer's chair that was rigged next to his. Erica couldn't remember the last time an air ops chair had been in place on the Yorktown's bridge.

"Captain, I…"

"Shhh. I wanted you to be here for this, explanations will come later."

"Report!" the old man bellowed. His voice had changed; it was strong, vibrant and commanding.

"Environment, point oh nine nine, maximal!" the sciences officer called.

"Helm, point oh five five, nominal," the helmsman shouted.

"Flight deck secured, hangers closed."

"All sections reporting ready to get underway."

"Weapons?" the Captain asked.

"Main batteries charged, secondaries charging, Deck crew reports twenty percent completion on loading of launchers," the harried weapons officer responded.

"Mack?" he said quietly.

"The battle board hasn't been lit in two hundred years, Carl. I just don't know," the chief engineer replied.

"Helm, activate the battle board," the captain ordered.

The lights dimmed, and a huge part of the ship went to emergency lighting as power was drained, rerouted, and ancient circuits came to life.

"Battle Board activated at 21:04 and thirty-eight seconds," a pleasantly modulated feminine voice declared to the bridge.

"Welcome back, old girl," the captain said quietly, in the suddenly hushed bridge.



"Thank you, Captain, although I haven't really been gone."

"Everything working?"

"I am reporting minimal problems, maintenance has been alerted."

"We're going to war, old girl. Activate defense sequence delta and stand by."

"Affirmed."

"Helm?"

"Standing by."

"Ahead two thirds," the captain ordered.

"All ahead two thirds," the helmsman mimicked, before sliding the lever on his console forward.

With painful slowness, the old warhorse defeated the gravity of the gas giant and began to move away from it. Erica was stunned, watching as the star field slowly began to move and smaller vessels scurried out of the giant ship's path. This was beyond belief. Never in her wildest imaginings had she ever considered the possibility that Yorktown might be recalled to wartime service. Something told her it would only be in the blackest of emergencies and a chill went down her spine.

"Computer, set course for Deneba Seven,"

"Working."

A few minutes later the computer spoke up again.

"Calculations complete. FTL engines online, awaiting your signal, Captain,"

"Action," the old man ordered in a hushed tone.

"Acting."

Red alarm lights flashed, giving warning. Crew members braced themselves all over the ship and then, with a sickening lurch, the giant ship sparkled and disappeared from the Halderon system.

"Estimated flight time, forty two hours."

"Helm, you may stand down from general quarters," he ordered as he rose, pointed to Erica and retreated to his office.

Once inside Erica took a seat while the old man eased himself into the chair behind his desk.

"Surprised it went that smoothly," he commented finally.

"What the fuck is going on, Carl?" she demanded, forgetting military courtesy for the moment.

"News from the front. The Trog have introduced a new kind of capital ship. It's severely under gunned, but shielded so strongly that even a fleet's worth of PPCs can't get penetration."

"So what's that got to do with us? The old girl's fifteens can't be needed that badly if the big boys can't penetrate."

He looked at her gravely, swallowed hard and spoke in a near whisper.

"You're standing on seventh fleet's biggest boy, Captain," he said, fishing a bottle out of his desk drawer and taking a deep pull.

"My god…" Erica exclaimed, collapsing in her chair.

"The Trog introduced this new ship class en mass. The intelligence boys must have been jerking off the last two years, but they hit the fleet anchorage at Yalo and caught us with our pants down. The casualty reports are still coming in, but nothing bigger than a destroyer escaped."

"So they are just sending us out to die gloriously then?" she asked as he passed the bottle and she took a deep swallow.

"No. We are heading for Deneba to take on a new series of fighter-bombers and a new experimental weapon."

"What kind of weapon can possibly make the Yorktown able to stand up to a fleet that's thousands strong?"

"I don't know. My orders don't say. How would you rate this class, Erica?" he said, seemingly changing the subject.

"They're pretty good. Not the best overall class, but perhaps three or four of the best pilot prospects I've seen in a long while. Why?"

"They got all seven fleet carriers and most of the auxiliaries. You, your officers, and this class are the only active air group left in seventh fleet".

"We're it?" she said incredulously.

"At this time, Yalo is scr****g the bottom of the barrel to even field a single command. There might be some flights that were on TDD, but we won't know for a while about them. As of right now, you are all we have."

***


"They're out of their fucking minds, sue for peace!" Lucky declared.



"She's right, these k**s are green as grass and haven't even checked out on advance designs, much less an experimental one," Surfer added.

"And half of 'em can't hit the broad side of a barn," Goose added.

"I didn't bring you here to decide policy. I'm just telling you what our orders are," Erica said wearily.

"I know, Boss, but this is insane. I don't mind dying for the cause, but I don't want to be a sacrificial lamb," Surfer replied.

"We have to buy time. Third fleet, Sixth fleet and the Home fleet have all been mobilized, but it could be three or four months before they arrive."

"So what if they do? Seventh fleet was the pride of the Navy. If they wiped us out in one stroke, what the fuck good are the rest of 'em? Do they hope the Trogs will get confused by too many fucking targets?" Lucky exploded.

"That's enough, Lieutenant."

"What's this new wonder weapon?" Goose asked.

"Your guess is as good as mine, but it's fighter mounted whatever it is."

"Oh great. Just great. Fan-fucking-tastic. Us four and forty-three wet noses in experimental fighters with experimental weapons versus the Trog fleet. What idiot dreamed this up?" Lucky groused.

Erica shot her a look, but said nothing. She knew Lucky well. The flamboyant pilot wasn't worried or scared, she was just complaining. It was in her nature to bitch and moan rather than get intimidated by long odds or bad news.

"How long can we afford to train?" Goose asked.

That encouraged her. If Goose was putting her mind to the task at hand, it was a very good sign.

"Two weeks. Maybe three. It depends on the Trog. They had to retreat from Yalo, the starbase's big mass drivers proved too much for even this super ship to repel. But they'll be back. Yalo is the critical jump point. If they take that, the entire eastern arm of the empire will be open to them."

"Pull up your skirts and bend over," Lucky said in a much less strident tone. Erica had a good feel for her people and she could see the enormity of it was setting in.

"Take the evening off. I'll have Tuck cut the cadets loose too. Go out, get d***k. Get shit faced if you want. Fuck 'til you can't walk straight. Just be ready for the demonstration when we get to Deneba."

"Great idea, Bel's?" Lucky enthused.

Surfer and Goose both nodded. Erica smiled and admired their courage. The end of the world could be upon them, perhaps it was, but these three would spend the night drinking and face it when it came. She might not live too long with this command, but she knew she would never have one with finer people.

"Meet up at the mess hall in say, an hour?"

"Make it an hour and a half, might as well do it up right, may be our last hurrah," Goose said.

Lucky and Surfer both rose and exited, talking excitedly, but Mindy stayed a moment.

"You coming with us, boss?"

"No, I'd better stay here."

"Oh, come on. Live a little. Even if you get rip roaring d***k and do a table dance, what will it matter tomorrow?"

"You know Goose, you're right, I'll be there," Erica replied with a smile.

***


Erica sat on her bed and watched the steam rise from her flushed skin. She felt better after the hot shower, but was now at a loss. She moved to her closet and examined the contents. A flight suit, five dress uniforms, three A uniforms, her flight jacket and that was it. She hadn't worn civies in years, but found herself wishing she had a dress. She closed the door and looked at her reflection.

Her long, toned legs looked good for her age. Her large breasts were still firm, but she could detect a slight sag that hadn't been there before. Her waist was trim, and her hips slim, but over all they gave her a nice figure. She wasn't all that caught up in her appearance, but lately she had found herself looking more often.

"Damnit," she whispered.

Try as she might, she had to come to grips with the truth. She had been looking ever since she first locked eyes with Rebel. The short girl, with her angry, sullen eyes and defiance had turned her on. There was no use denying it. It was the same excitement she had felt with William.

Shaking her head, she put both lovers, past and dream, out of her mind and quickly dressed selecting her bomber jacket rather than a dress tunic. She was going out tonight and she was going to get d***k. Not just d***k, but shit faced. She was going to live tonight, like there was no tomorrow. Frankly, she wasn't very confident there would be too many more tomorrows for her or the rest of the people she knew.



She met Lucky, Goose and Surfer at the appointed time. Lucky wore black pants, a black top and black leather jacket. Surfer had on blue jeans that barely stayed up, and a top made of some red, shimmery material. Goose wore dress blues, along with her flight jacket.

"Damn boss, you look like one of the girls. Ready to tie one on?" Lucky asked.

"Lead on, Mcduff," Erica responded with a smile.

***


Rebel, Lou, Holly and Cloudy all sauntered into Bel's place. This was it, the last rite of passage, the holiest of holies. For several generations, through several owners, every class had their first drink as pilots here. Normally, they wouldn't be allowed into town until after graduation. The change in procedure and the ship's jump had tongues wagging. There was scuttlebutt with a thousand different reasons and destinations, all wrong.

The place was packed, most of their class already here and drinking. At other tables techs, mechanics and administrative staff laughed too loud and drank. Something big was going down, they could all feel it.

"Well, grab us a table, I'll get the drinks," Cloudy said.

"Purple passion for me," Holly said.

"I want a brain buster!" Lou said with a laugh.

"Rebel?"

"Never had a drink in a bar. Just homemade stuff. Get me whatever," she replied.

As Cloudy moved towards the crowded bar, Rebel made her way to a table that was just being cleared by a tired looking waitress. She and the others had just sat down when three guys walked up.

"Mind if we join you?" a tall black man in Marine dress blues inquired.

"Please!" Lou enthused.

Cloudy returned with the drinks and soon they were all conversing, laughing and joking. Rebel sat back and sipped her drink, enjoying the fiery sensation and smoky taste of the amber liquid. She wasn't interested in the guys and only kept up with the conversation sparingly. Her restless eyes roved around the crowded bar, singling out individuals for a few moments before moving on.

A loud laugh got her attention and she found herself staring at a corner table. Lucky was laughing, holding one of the new pilots in her lap. The Goose was holding hands with a cute redhead in tech coveralls and Surfer had a girl on either side of her. She noticed these in only an oblique way, she was focused on the woman who had her back to her.

She was blonde, slumped in her chair, almost huddled into the heavy brown jacket she wore. She seemed to be a spectator, not part of the crowd at the table, alone even surrounded by people. She was vaguely familiar, but Rebel couldn't place her. The woman seemed to feel eyes upon her and turned suddenly.

Rebel had just taken a sip of her drink and almost spit it out. Erica!

The Air Boss stared for a moment, smiled tentatively and raised her glass. Rebel raised hers, and took a sip. The commander did likewise then turned back to her table.

"Rebel? Rebel?...hey you!" Cloudy shouted.

"What?"

"You okay? You look like you just saw a ghost," Cloudy said with a concerned look.

"Yeah, fine. Just noticed the Boss and the instructors are here," she said quickly.

"Damn, I didn't think ole tight britches knew how to relax," Holly commented.

"The Air Boss?" Brian, one of the Marines inquired.

"Yeah," Holly replied.

"She's got to be the most hard up bitch in history. I've been stationed on this scow for two years now and have never seen her out. Old tight-ass, that's what they call her."

To everyone's shock Rebel bristled at the remark. For a few moments it was very tense, but Lou grabbed Mark by the hand.

"Let's dance!"

The three women and their respective suitors all hurried to the dance floor, with only Cloudy throwing Rebel a concerned glance.

She relaxed, wondering what had gotten into her. She glanced back at the boss, to see her sitting alone at her table. Nearly everyone was on the dance floor as music blared and people gyrated. The lights dimmed to almost nothing, with only the strobes casting harsh light at intervals. Not exactly sure what she was doing, Rebel got up and walked over to the table.

"Boss?"

She looked up suddenly, obviously startled from some deep reverie. Her face was flushed and her long lashes were damp.

"I'm sorry, I didn't mean to intrude."

"No, it's all right," she said, wiping tears from her lovely blue eyes.

"I..uh..well…"

"Yes?"

"Fuck it. Would you like to dance?" Rebel blurted out, blushing from head to foot.

She was waiting for the fireworks, maybe a lecture on fraternization, or quoting some regulation or other. Shocked outrage that she thought the boss was a dyke. Righteous indignation or something. What she got surprised the hell out of her.

"I'd love to, but I don't know how," the tall woman said softly. She blushed and lowered her eyes. Rebel felt her heart leap. She had never imagined the Air Boss to be shy, but the words and actions were almost painfully so.

Rebel laughed and it became even harder to control when Erica's confusion became evident on her pretty features.

"Hell, Boss, I don't know how either. We'll just wing it," she said, extending her hand.

Erica's hand was soft and warm. Rebel guided her to the floor and then hesitantly took the tall woman in her arms. She could see Erica was unsure, but she wasn't about to let her go, so she just started moving.

While everyone else cavorted and gyrated, they just rocked in each other's arms. No words were exchanged, and half the time Erica had her head down so Rebel couldn't even see her eyes.

Leigh had never felt so sure, so right. Never in her life had she wanted something as badly as she wanted this woman. It didn't make sense, but she didn't care. Her heart told her it was right and her head was easily outvoted.

The song was ending and Rebel had to make an agonizing decision. She didn't want to let go, but she knew the lights would come up and she felt in her heart it would hurt the Boss to be seen dancing with her. Reluctantly she released her hold and lead Erica back to her table.

By the time the lights came up, she was back at her table, sipping thoughtfully on her drink. The night wore away and the guys disappeared. Cloudy along with them. Lou ended up leaving with Lucky and Surfer came to drag Holly away with her. The boss remained, drinking and conversing with the Goose and the little man Rebel assumed owned the place. They were still there when she finally got up, and staggered back to her room.

***


Holly was tipsy still and stumbled slightly as Surfer gently shoved her into the zero-g workout room. She giggled as the dark haired instructor shut the door and pressed the button that took the gravity down. Holly floated up, laughing and trying to keep her skirt down, while she rolled onto her back.

While the blonde twirled and played, Surfer was busy. Using simple techniques to keep herself neutrally posed, she removed her shoes and tunic, followed by her bra, boxers, and pants. From the small gym bag she had picked up in her room, she took out her harness and buckled it on, adjusting it a few times, until she was pretty sure it had just enough slack in it to allow for the "give" in her partner in the zero-g environment.

"Get naked," she called to Holly as she removed several straps from the bag.

In no time the blonde's dress, bra, panties and shoes floated with Surfer's clothes. The instructor aimed herself at the free floating blonde and pushed off from the wall with her legs. She shot across the room, grabbing one of Holly's ankles which caused them both to spin.

Surfer slapped the quick-close Velcro cuff around the blonde's ankle. From her bag she pulled out a round object, with steel clips coming from each side. She clipped one to the manacle and applied another slap manacle to Holly's other ankle. Once it was secure she caught the other clips and ran it out, attaching it to the D ring on the manacle.

"What's this for?" Holly asked.

She opened her legs wide, watching as the strap reeled out of the black plastic sphere. When she stopped using her muscles to hold her legs open, the straps, under tension reeled back in, pulling her ankles together at the edges of the sphere.

"Zero-g sex is a blast, but it takes some extra equipment," Surfer explained as she wrapped a wide black girdle around Holly's slim waist.

It closed at the front, like a cummerbund, but Holly could feel heavy protuberances at the small of her back, and the cold chill of metal on her skin. Surfer took an expandable spreader bar, with Velcro wraps at the end and attached it to Holly's legs, just below her knees.

She then reached around the girl and spread her hands, grabbing a mammary in each. As her hands began to knead them, she gently tongued the blonde's ear.

Holly moaned and tried to push back against Surfer, but found she only sent them spinning. The butch didn't try to stop them, but continued to knead her breasts and worry her ear. The ripples of pleasure from her breasts soon became disjointed as she grew dizzy from the uncontrolled spin. As the bl**d rushed to her head, the jolts of pleasure from her nipples gained in magnitude and clarity, far surpassing anything she had ever experienced from them before.

Surfer nipped her ear and growled as she captured the now erect nipples and began to roll them, jacking up the pleasure Holly was feeling.

She moaned and gasped, her mouth working but only squeaks escaping. Surfer laughed softly and let her hands trail down to Holly's pussy. Contact there was strangely less powerful than she expected.

Surfer didn't spend much time there, apparently she was well used to the way sensation was changed. She reached behind her, locating a button on the sphere and when she hit it, the straps retracted fully and locked.

She then brought the head of her strangely shaped dildo to Holly's entrance and slowly pushed it in. The hook at the end settled deep in her pussy and with a flick of a button, it began to gently vibrate.

"Oh my god!" Holly exclaimed.

"You ain't seen nothing yet, babe," Surfer whispered.

She took the last two items from her bag and let it go spinning off into space using her body to slow the spin until they were barely rotating.

She put the slap shackles over her ankles and then used the handles on the belt Holly wore to pull herself deeply into the blonde. Surfer then extended a foot out under Holly's body.

The cuff on her ankle was attached to another cuff with a miniature version of a ratcheting sphere between them.

"Put the cuff on your wrist, babe," Surfer commanded.

Holly attached it and then the other one.

"Done," she moaned, the vibe really starting to get to her now.

"Ready for the ride of your life?"

"Yes!" She gasped.

Surfer immediately kicked down with her legs. When the spheres had let out all their slack they snapped tight and the pair began to rotate in a slow tumble. Locking her hands into the steel handles on the belt, she wrenched to one side as hard as she could, beginning the pair spinning as they rotated.

Holding tight to the bars and letting her thighs rest against the spreader bar, Surfer just relaxed and let physics fuck Holly to oblivion.

Centrifugal f***e tried to move them apart, but there was only enough slack in the arm cuffs to allow Surfer to get far enough away to remove about half the dildo from Holly's dripping pussy. When the spheres hit the end, they would ratchet back, sinking it into her again. The spin seemed to send bl**d speeding to her pussy even as the rotation sent it to her head.

The sensation was pleasant at first, but Surfer continued to shift her weight slowly adding to the spin and rotation. As she did so, Holly began to enter an altered state of consciousness. The highly oxygenated bl**d rushing to her brain began to disjoint her perceptions. The sensations coming from her pussy took on a more and more exaggerated importance as other sensation began to wane.

The pleasure was unimaginable as she began to feel she could distinguish every minor ridge and bump on the dildo as it sliced into her very juicy pussy. The vibe was working on her G-spot and each rotation threw Surfer to a point where the vibe dragged along her clit as it slid back into her pussy.

"Omigod, omigod, omidgod," she chanted as the waves of bliss began to take on unparalleled precedence in her perception. The first orgasm was so powerful it demanded she scream. She had never been very vocal before, but nothing short of a scream would do. After the first, more followed, a mind shattering deluge of contractions, relaxations, pulses of pleasure that were stronger than any she had previously known.

It didn't stop, if anything it got more intense and she couldn't pass out. The pleasure became unbearable, so stark and raw it was exquisite agony. She couldn't stop cumming or even control the flow of sensation to the point she could make a coherent thought and keep it.

Eventually, something happened in her head, her conscious mind splitting from her body. She was able to truly enjoy the rush then, as she became for a while a pleasure addict, screaming and satisfied in cycles that lasted only seconds. She could not tell if they were individual orgasms or if her sense of time was so warped that she was enjoying each pulse from one orgasm to its fullest extent, making it into its own discreet orgasmic event.

Everything blurred into a red haze and her mind floated away, riding the peaks and waves without any conscious connection to the trip being a single event.

When her mind came back to her, they were laying on the floor of the gym. Surfer was still fucking her, but in the old fashioned way. In a few strokes the dark headed girl came and collapsed on Holly's back.

Holly couldn't feel her legs. Her arms, her pussy, even her tits were numb.

"I can't feel anything," she whimpered.

"Shhhh, shhhh, it's okay babe. You've just hit burnout. It'll be okay. Come one now, let's get you to my place and get you something to eat. You need to replace all the nutrients you've used up."

The trip back to Surfer's was a blur, as was the meal she mechanically ate, and the pills the lithe girl made her take. She faded off to sl**p in Surfer's arms.

When she woke her whole body tingled. Her pussy throbbed and her head was spinning. It was all good though. She was suffused with a euphoric well-being that defied description. She doubted she would be able to get the well fucked smile off her face for days to come.

***


"What the fuck is that?" Lucky demanded of the rather timid little man in his white lab coat.

She was looking at the new wonder weapon. It looked like a pickle, about fifteen feet long and a foot or more in diameter.

"It's an oxly torpedo," he replied.

"A fucking new missile is the wonder weapon?" Lucky exploded, causing the small man to cringe.

A sharp look from Erica silenced the tirade the stacked pilot was about to launch into.

"How's it work?" Goose asked.

"Well, we've managed to miniaturize a C plus engine. That drives it. The housing and core are neutronium."

"Neutronium? That stuff weights a ton," Surfer said.

"Actually, one cubic centimeter weighs just less than a standard ton. The weapon is super dense, it has to be,"

"Go on," Mindy said when he paused.

"It works on a simple enough premise, as an object nears lightspeed, mass is converted to energy. With one of these, the total energy is staggering because the mass is so great. Planetary shields would burn out trying to repel it."

"So it can break through the Trog's new shields?" Lucky enquired.

"In theory, it will vaporize the whole ship," he replied.

"How's it guided?" Goose asked.

"There we come to a problem," the little man said with a heavy sigh.

"They're unguided. We simply can't build a computer with enough power to do the necessary computations and make it smaller than this room," he said, waving an arm to encompass the twenty by twenty vault.

"Bullshit! The computer in my watch can do simple telemetry calculations," Lucky shouted.

"Have you ever been on one of the old FTL ships?" the officer asked.

"No."

"The computers are massive and are locked in a shock proof armored cacoon. This isn't to protect them from enemy fire, it's to protect them from the radiation an FTL engine produces. The computer components are small enough, we just don't have anything we can shield them with that is small enough."

"Oh."

"So how do you fire them?" Goose asked.

"You eyeball 'em in."

"You're out of your damned mind! You expect a pilot to make visual adjustments and calculate the track of an enemy vessel? Even I couldn't hit more than once in a blue moon doing that," Goose exclaimed.

"You can if you don't fire at more than four thousand meters," he replied.

They all stared at him like he had three heads. Standard tactics called for missile launch at fifty thousand clicks and even that was in optimal conditions.

"You've got to be k**ding," Erica finally said.

"I wish I were. We've been working on guidance system shielding for three years, that's why they haven't been introduced. That was the hold up. Now…it's a one in a million chance we'll be around long enough to solve the guidance problem."

"It can't be done," Surfer said flatly.



"Yeah, this is a suicide mission and even if we succeed, so what? We take out one or two ships," Lucky exploded.

"It isn't suicide. The torpedoes come with a twenty-one second delay before the FTL fires. At three quarters boost, you can be well outside the detrimental blast radius in that time. In a Corsair, at full boost from attack speed, you can be out of there in ten seconds. The damage is massive, but it spends itself on the shields, creating a sphereical blast that emplodes, rather than a conventional explosion. You have only to escape the resultant expanding post explosion photon sphere which is many times less destructive."

"Has this been tested?" the boss asked.

"Yes, the torpedo design makes the energy release react to the specific physics of shield generation fields. It will work."

"In combat I mean." Erica said.

"No."

"I'm afraid I agree with my officers."

"I don't like it either, Captain, but what choice do we have? Unless you want to see three hundred trillion people wiped out as the Trog overrun the Eastern Arm?"

"Please ladies, it's not as bad as you think," the little man said.

"What the fuck do you know?' Lucky barked, physically shoving the scientist who beat a hasty retreat behind the Admiral.

"We designed a new ship to deliver them," he squeaked.

"Go on," Erica prompted.

"It's a variant of the E-2A Corsair," the Admiral said.

"Corsair? You mentioned one before. What are they?" Surfer asked with a raised eyebrow.

"I'm not surprised you haven't heard of them. Only a handful exist. They're basically multi-role fighter bombers with a limited cloaking device."

"You can't cloak a fighter. Hell, you can't cloak anything smaller than a battle cruiser!" Lucky cried as her face got red.

"No, full cloak is hideously expensive in terms of power. Any ship that has one is of necessity massive, with the majority of its internal workings comprised of the engines. But we have developed a limited cloak that a fighter can use."

"How limited?" Lucky asked.

"Basically, no seeking weapon will be able to get a lock on. That will defeat 90% of their capital ships and e****ting ships anti-fighter defense systems. You'll only have to worry with direct fire point defense systems and fighters."

"And how many of these fighters do you have available?" Erica asked.

"Fifty-two," he replied.

"What about e****t fighters?" Goose asked.

"We have two groups, the one hundred and forth composite wing, formed from orphans of the carrier task f***es."

"And the other?"

"The two hundred and seventh interceptor group," he said through clenched teeth.

"Texas Thunder?" Lucky asked, incredulous.

"The same," he said with a big sigh.

"What's Texas Thunder?" Erica asked.

"You want to tell her? Or should I?" Lucky said, drawing a scowl from the admiral.

"The two oh seven is the two hundredth fighter commands penal group," he said testily.

"That's putting it mildly."

"That's enough, Lieutenant, unless you're bucking for some brig time," he exploded.

"Hell, put me in irons, at least I'll be alive," she replied defiantly.

Erica stepped between them.

"Is this the best we can come up with, Admiral Scot?"

"Yes."

Erica nodded and motioned to her officers to go.

"Well, at least now we have them right where they want us," Surfer quipped as they walked away.

"You know my pilots are all rookies. I would never say it in front of my officers, but this is mad," she said quietly.

"I'm sorry Erica, I truly am. If we had any other option you know I would be the first to put it forward."

"I know. They don't call you the pilot's Admiral for nothing. We'll just have to make do I guess."

"Godspeed," he said as she turned and walked away.

***


Erica watched as the sleek black fighter taxied to a stop and Lucky wearily climbed out.

"Well?"

"It handles superbly, but our girls will kill themselves with it."

"Well, it's simply up to you and Surfer to prevent that."

"Don't worry about us, worry about the Goose. She still hasn't gotten back from trial runs with the dummy torpedoes. I'll let ya off light because I expect her to pitch a fit to end all fits," Lucky said with a weary smile as she headed towards the locker rooms.

Erica watched her go and waited impatiently for Goose to get in. It was another twenty minutes before the fighter she piloted nosed into the hanger bay and she got out.

"Well?"

"It isn't easy, but it's doable. I got Christian in munitions modifying a couple hundred reflex missiles to mate with the torpedo mounts. Should be ready by the time we make Yalo. If they are, we can go to 'round the clock training exercises. If the Trog give us half a chance, we should be ready."

"I thought you said it was impossible," Erica said with a smile.

"I was figuring run time, like a regular missile has, but when the FTL kicks, delivery is almost instantaneous. All you really had to do is lead the target ship enough so the torpedo is still pointed at it when the FTL kicks, twenty-one seconds after launch."

"How are we going to simulate that?"

"Christina is putting timers on the reflex missiles, they won't fire their after burners for twenty-one seconds. It will give them, about the same run time as a torpedo," Goose said as they walked towards the lockers.

"And after it kicks?"

"Nose camera, sending back real time video. We will know exactly where and if the torpedo would have hit. Wasteful of cameras and missiles, but I don't have a better solution and with only five hundred prototype torpedoes, we can't afford live tests."

***


Rebel sat in the audience hall with her classmates. They all wore dress blues and were thinking this was to be the graduation ceremony that had been skipped. At the head of the auditorium was a podium and the excited buzz of voices died down as Captain Quarrels approached the podium.

"Ladies, your attention please," he called.

"I know you were all looking forward to graduation, I'm afraid that can't be now. As of this moment, you are all commissioned as ensigns and assigned to seventh fleet's only operational air wing, the one aboard this ship. The enemy has unleashed a new weapon and we have suffered a grievous blow. His majesty now calls upon you to stand between the enemy and the civilians of the eastern arm. I wish you all the best and will now turn this meeting over to the Air Boss."

He saluted and left, there was a hubbub of hushed conversations as Marines with live weapons moved to the doors. The Air Boss mounted the stage and moved to the podium.

"Don't mind the security men, what you are hearing now is top secret. Not a word of it is to be breathed to anyone outside the flight group. Do you all understand?"

She waited for a moment, but no one asked a question so she pulled down a projector screen and took out a laser pointer.

"Computer, lights," she called and the auditorium was plunged into darkness.

"This is the E2-A3 Corsair," she intoned as a sleek, but very large computer-generated hologram of the fighter appeared in the space over her head.

"We'll all be equipped with them. You're all going to have to cram advance fighter courses into your heads this week and you'll learn on the job after that. We'll skip most of the rudimentary stuff and the courses that don't apply to the Corsair. In addition, you will all learn to use our new secret weapon. I'll turn you over to the Goose."

Goose stepped up and took the pointer from Erica.

"This is an oxyl torpedo. It isn't like the other missiles you have used and will require a lot of practice. There is a 21 second safety interlock feature, so you will have to learn to judge distance and speed on a target vessel. It's going to be hard, but it can be done. We start a week's training in fifteen minutes. Get to your ships and get ready.

***


"This is our new birdy, the Corsair," Lucky intoned to the gathered pilots.

"It's fast, ungodly fast, and as agile as an interceptor. Main armament is the eight PPC model tens in the wings, you are all familiar with those. She doesn't carry many missiles, the two underfuselage hardpoints are specially configured for torpedoes, so your only fire and forget weapons are the copperheads on the wing tips. They work like usual, select 'em from your stores, track till you get tone and release. Each ship has a pair of underwing hard points, for you girls those will remain empty for now, since adding anything changes the flight characteristics and you will have your hands full with the standard load. You all have the ship's spec sheets, study them and get ready for the worlds crashingest crash course in advanced avionics."

The week that followed was frenetic, with the pilots in the cockpit twenty-two hours out of every day. By week's end they were all zombies and most were barely cognizant when the Boss announced that their e****t wings had arrived, they were taking on stores, and would jump that evening. They had suffered already, six pilots lost and ten fighters in training mishaps.

Rebel was as tired as the rest, but she loitered around the hangar deck after everyone was dismissed. She didn't have any excuse and was past the point of making one, she wanted to see Erica in her flight suit. So she took her time putting on her uniform and was still tugging up her trousers when the Boss entered the locker room.

Her face was drawn and haggard, the blue eyes dull and vacant. Rebel barely noticed, she was staring at her superior's figure. Erica's suit was black and fit like a second skin, her breasts were revealed to be full and heavy, much larger than Rebel would have believed, although nowhere near the titanic proportions of Holly's. Her hips were slim, and her ass was heavy, but tight. Her pussy was fat and the crease in the suit seemed to be pulled between her lips, causing Rebel to have to swallow a lump in her throat.

"What are you doing here?" the Boss snapped.

"Nothing," she replied.

"Jezzus Christ Rebel, all pilots were ordered to hit the sack. You're one of my officers now, I expect you to lead by example."

"I didn't ask to be an officer!" Rebel exploded, storming out of the locker room.

She felt like a heel almost as soon as the door closed behind her and almost went back to apologize, but her pride wouldn't let her.

"Damn girl, you look mad enough to chew a horseshoe and spit nails," Lucky said.

"I don't know how she does it. I get along with everyone else, but she just has a knack for pissing me off!"

"Comes of being the boss," Surfer replied.

"What are you guys doing here?" Rebel asked.

"Waiting to see our fighters," Goose replied.

"What's to see?"

"Well, we're all aces. Since we are now active combat again, we can personalize our ships. The tech crews are just about done with the paint schemes, and reconfigs" Surfer said.

The first ship to roll in was Lucky's. It was painted red, with black markings and white detail. On the nose was a naked girl who resembled Lou and the words Lucky's Baby, were done in script over her. On the underwing mounts she had two sets of quad copperheads, which drastically augmented her dogfighting capability.

Surfer's ship was painted blue, with aquamarine lettering and black detail. The nose had a girl in a skimpy bikini holding a surfboard and the words, Wipe Out done above her head in black script. She too had the extra quads of fire and forget missiles.

Goose's fighter was the most elaborate, done up in white with feathers, yellow claws on the landing gear and a yellow nose cone that looked just like a beak. Tiny eyes were located near the cockpit and in gold script along the pilot's housing was the word Gosling II. True to her nature, her underwing mounts were 55mm gunpods like those on the ghostdogs.

"God damnit Rebel! Get your ass to bed before I bust you back to invertebrate!" the Boss shouted as she emerged from the locker room.

"Shit," Rebel declared, before racing off to her room.

The ship jumped while most of them were asl**p and neared arrival while they still slumbered.

***


"Captain?" the voice of the Yorktown called.

"Yes?"

"I'm picking up massive ship movements in the arrival zone."

"Friendlys?"

"I would think not. No IFF codes in my data base for them and massive life form readings. According to the files from Command, there aren't thirty vessels left at Yalo and I am currently tracking close to eight hundred."

"Helm, sound battle stations. Get me the Air Boss, pronto."

"Battle stations. Battle stations. This is not a drill, I repeat this is no shit," an excited voice called over the PA.

Erica grabbed the red phone on her desk and pressed the Bridge call.

"Erica?"

"Yes, Captain."

"Get your people to their craft and get 'em loaded hot, the old girl is tracking eight hundred bogies in the drop zone."

"Right away," she replied before hanging up and rushing out of her office.

Pilots were milling around in confusion. Techs were running this way and that, only Rebel and Cloudy had their flight suits on.

"Tucker!" She shouted.

"Here Boss!" the big man called.

"Get these idiots into their flight suits and to their ships."

"I'm on it, Boss," he bellowed above the din.

"Rebel! Cloudy! Come with me!" she shouted to make herself heard above the din of klaxons and the buzz of at least a hundred voices. She raced to her ship and bounded aboard with Tucker's curses sounding above the noise. Techs quickly connected her suit and helmet.

"Good hunting, sir!" Chavez called before closing her canopy.

The big engines whined as she let them out and taxied towards the catapults.

"You girls with me?" she asked over the tac net.

"With you skipper," Cloudy responded.

"Right on your ass, boss," Rebel said in an excited voice.

"Cloudy, cat two. Rebel, they are bumping the ready alert fighter from cat three."

"Roger," they replied in unison.

Erica hadn't done this in a long time, but she could feel the adrenaline, the rush. It was addictive and she marveled that she had gone so long without a fix.

"Cap, what's the status on e****ts?"

"Two Ghostdogs, fully loaded. Callsigns Hammer and Thunder."

"Just two?"

"That's it, Captain. Portside catapults are down, ten minutes estimated to repair."

"We come out of hyperspace in what?"

"Four minutes, twenty three seconds."

"Great."

"Putting you over to defense net."

"Roger."

"Hammer, checking in," an excited male voice called.

"Thunder, checking in," a more mature masculine voice called.

"Cowboy, checking in. I'm on the broke launcher, Boss."

"Nice to have you with us boys. I'm the Boss, Cloudy and Rebel are with me. We'll form up off the port quarter."

"Roger, that," all three said in unison.

"Boss, it's Goose. We'll be launching right after you."

"Who's with you, Goose?"

"I've got Jugs and Lou. Lucky's got Red and Ghost. Surfer is still trying to get responses, it looks like half of 'em forgot to turn their radios on, the flight deck is pandemonium."

"Roger, don't launch until I give you an assessment. I've only got the Texas Thunder pilots and they have a cat down. No word from the other e****t wing."

"Roger."

On her HUD the seconds slowly ticked down as Erica wondered what would await them.

***




Rebel squirmed in her seat and fidgeted. The bl**d was pounding in her temples and the clock seemed to be going in slow motion. She had never felt this jacked up and wondered if Cloudy was feeling it too.

"Were coming out of hyperspace, launch on my mark," Boss called.

There was something sexy about her voice, so confident, even and in control. It was sexy, but not as sexy to Rebel as that soft, confused, shy, 'I don't know how' at the bar.

With the compensators and her flight suit on, Rebel didn't even feel the lurch of the ship coming out of hyperspace.

"Launch!"

Rebel hit the button and felt her suit try to squeeze her intestines out. She clenched her body, aiding the suit to keep the bl**d in her core as the Gs f***ed her small frame deeply into her seat.

As she came out of the chute, her engines kicked and she fought the ship's controls. She still wasn't used to the superb handling of the Corsair. Rebel broke to port, crossing over the lower decks to join Boss and Cloudy on the port side. When she looked up, her mouth dropped open.

The star field was filled, literally filled, with ships. Great, silver hulls as far as the eye could see. Far away the huge red disk of Starbase Five gleamed. A million lights seemed to wink as the Trog attacked. Occasionally, a bright mushroom of flame marked the places where the starbase's mass drivers found the range.

"Get out here Goose, we've got trouble plenty," Erica called.

"Soon as they get the cables back and attached."

"Boss, three cruisers have detached from the main body and are headed this way," the cap officer reported.

"Roger, Hammer, Thunder, Cowboy, where are you?"

"Got your six, Boss," Thunder laconically replied.

"Still waiting on this fucking cat," Cowboy raged.

"Rebel? Cloudy?"

"On your wing," Rebel responded, noticing how high and excited her voice was.

"Here," was all Cloudy said.

"They're beginning launch operations, Boss,"

"Roger, Goose, form up with Lucky and Surfer, wait for them to get more fighters out before you begin your attack runs."

"Roger that."

"All right Boss flight, accelerate to attack speed."

Rebel eased the throttle forward and the sleek fighter leapt forward like a greyhound, quickly gaining attack speed. She was hyped, nervous and now watching as the tiny dots began to grow larger.

"Arm torpedoes."

Rebel flipped the red cover that shielded the arming switch up and flicked the switch on first one, and then the second.

"Rebel, take the one on your side, Cloudy, take the one on yours, I'll take that big bastard in the middle."

"I'm on it," Cloudy replied.

"Rebel?"

She was so excited and concentrating so hard she had forgotten to respond.

"Roger," she hastily called.

In the black space between the far away cruisers, tiny lights flared to life.

"Enemy fighters, watch yourselves."

"Let us worry about 'em Boss," Thunder called.

"Just the two of you?"

"Me and Hammer are more than enough," he responded confidently.

She watched as the distance to target quickly fell. Fifty thousand, Forty thousand, Thirty thousand. Suddenly her entire view screen was filled with hurtling missiles. She tensed, but the massive barrage passed by to her port side.

"Ignore them, they're firing blind," Erica snapped.

Twenty thousand, fifteen thousand, ten thousand. The metal behemoth filled her view screen, blotting out all else. Beams of light streaked out, flashing like searchlights in the dark. The shark nosed prow seemed to be coming right for her and Rebel felt a moment's doubt. The Boss seemed to sense it and her calm voice settled the butterflies.

"Don't worry about the point defense batteries, even if they hit they won't penetrate your shields. Remember what Goose taught you about head on attacks."

"I've got fighters on my scope," Cloudy called. For the first time Rebel heard some emotion in her voice.

"Don't panic, the ghostdogs will take 'em. Just watch your launch meter."

The range meter ticked from kilometers to meters. Six thousand, five thousand, at four the red lights on her HUD went green. Rebel depressed the trigger on her yoke and pulled back hard on it. The ship, suddenly divested of several tons in gross weight yawed hard and she had to fight the stick.

"It's away!" she called as she righted her ship and pulled up.

"Away!" Cloudy called almost simultaneously.

"It's away," the Boss called.

As soon as the view screen cleared and she was looking at open space, Rebel eased the yoke back to neutral and jammed the throttle forward. She squeezed her internal muscles to help the suit as the fighter jumped from attack speed to supersonic.

On her HUD the seconds ticked by. Five, four, three, two, one. As the digital readout clicked to double zero a massive shock wave rocked the small craft. Rebel held on and grimly fought the controls as the expanding sphere of photons from the three explosions buffeted her.

"Rebel?"

"I'm good," she said through clenched teeth, easing back on the throttle.

"Cloudy?"

"Good to go," the Indian woman replied.

"Roger, form up on me. Thunder, you guys still with us?"

"Roger that, I've got your six, Boss."

"Hell of a show!" Hammer enthused.

Rebel brought her craft into line with the blip on her screen that was the Boss's ship and throttled up until she was back on her wing. Below her, the detritus of three Trog cruisers floated, the largest piece was barely the size of a playing card.

"Boss to cap, do you copy?"

"Roger, Boss."

"Tell the captain it's a go."

"Roger."

"Goose?"

"Roger"

"Bring up what you have out and form up on me. Leave Lucky and Surfer to bring the rest of the flights."

"On our way," she called.

Goose and her two wingmen were with them in no time. The white ship, with goose feathers and a beak painted on it looked garish compared to the flat black of the rest.

"Boss, this is Cap, turning you over to Yalo station. Good luck and good hunting."

"Roger."

"Boss flight, this is Yalo station, do you copy?" a new voice called.

"Copy, Yalo,"

"Good to have you with us, Captain. We're taking some major heat from those battle cruisers, can you assist?"

"Roger Yalo Station, just give us a vector and get your fighters out of there."

"Done and done, good hunting."

"All right ladies, accelerate to attack speed. Goose, y'all armed?"

"Roger"

Rebel accelerated quickly, moving slightly ahead of the Boss's fighter.

"Ping your targets, ladies," Boss called.

Rebel depressed the button on her fire control grip and sent out an infrared beam that painted her target. She chose a large battleship, a little off from the main battle line.

The numbers were falling fast when someone shouted.

"Fighters!"

"I've got one on my tail!" Jugs called.

"Me, too!" shouted Cloudy.

"If you're targeted, take evasive maneuvers," Boss said, her voice grim.

"Relax Jugs, break left on my mark, three, two, one." Thunder called.

No sound. Nothing, but seconds later she heard Jugs.

"Thanks,"

"I can't shake him!" Cloudy screamed, her transmission cut short by a burst of static.

"Boss?" Goose inquired, the question hanging in the air.

"Stay on target." Erica called, her voice stony.

"You can't leave her to die!" Rebel exclaimed.



"Stay on target, that's an order!"

"We have to help her!"

"You turn that ship around and I'll burn you myself," the Boss declared in a tone so icy it froze Rebel's heart.

Rebel bit back an angry reply and turned her head back to the immense ship now filling her view screen. Six thousand, five thousand, four thousand. On the all green she triggered the launch with all her pain and anger and pulled up hard.

Again the dizzying sense of vertigo and then heavy Gs as she accelerated away. She wasn't exhilarated now, she was sick to her stomach and hot tears were pouring down her cheeks.

The blast effects were worse this time and Rebel fought the bucking ship's controls with grim determination. When she came out of it, she leveled off, to find herself alone in space. No fleet of ships, nothing.

"Thanks for the assist, Boss flight. Looks like the lizards decided to take their toys and go home."

"What we're here for," Boss replied.

"Form up on me, those of you with torpedoes left, disarm them."

"Boss," Thunder called.

"Go ahead Thunder."

"Cowboy got launched late. He's on a different frequency, wanted me to let you know he's got your lost duckling. She's nursing her ship in. It's beat to hell, radio's out, but she flashed him with her blinker and she's all right."

"Thanks, Thunder. We owe you boys a drink."

"Lets call it even, if we had been faster you wouldn't have had to worry about her. Meet you all at Bel's, Thunder out."

***


While the rest of the group made ready to head for York and Bel's place, Erica donned her dress blues. She had quietly picked the Goose to accompany her to the meeting. She had no idea what kind, only that Captain Quarrels left her a message she needed to attend along with a brief and cryptic warning to be prepared for anything.

"Hurry up, it's a meeting not a date, fer Christ's sakes," the Goose called.

Erica donned her cap, checked her reflection in the mirror and joined the tall blonde in the jeep.

"What's this about, Boss?" Goose asked as she negotiated the heavy traffic in the service corridor.

"I don't know, but something tells me it isn't good," Erica replied pensively.

"You know I'll hold you personally responsible if I miss getting laid tonight," Goose said, trying to lighten her superior's mood.

"You expect sympathy from me?" Erica countered.

"It isn't my fault you build walls around yourself, Erica," Mindy replied seriously. In her time on the ship she had never used the boss's first name, but she did so here.

"No, I suppose there is no one to blame but myself," she replied in a quiet voice.

They rode in silence after that, Erica was deep in thought and the Goose was afraid she would over step her bounds if she got going. They took a lift up to C deck and proceeded to the conference room. Two MPs in shock armor and armed with assault rifles stood guard. A Lt. Commander also stood outside.

"Name," he demanded.

"Davies, Erica. Captain."

He checked a list and motioned them inside.

Warning lights went off in the tall Air Boss's head as she stepped in. Around the table sat Captain Quarrels, three admirals, two vice admirals, the ship's engineer, executive officer, and department heads, a man she pegged as a fighter pilot and a civilian.

"Gentlemen, my Air Boss," Captain Quarrels said.

An old admiral, with graying hair and leathery skin rose immediately.

"I wish to thank you Captain, your people really pulled our bacon out of the fire."

"Not just her people, Paul, she lead the flight personally," Quarrels added.

"There will be enough time for ass kissing when we are done," the civilian said in an affected high falsetto.

He was a pretty-boy, with long hair, white skin and a double chin, wearing voluminous robes that Erica felt would be more appropriate on a stripper. It was however haute court and she immediately pegged him as a politico. Probably a courtier as well.

"Please be seated, Captain," another admiral said.

He was a tall man, with red hair and ruddy skin, a big roman nose and dark, intense eyes. His uniform seemed to barely fit around his barrel chest and his stance was ramrod straight.

"Before we begin in earnest, I'll pass out the sugar, since there is damn little of it before we get to the vinegar. Captain Quarrels, by order of His Majesty, you are elevated to the rank of admiral and will assume leadership of seventh fleet."

"Some command, what's left of seventh fleet? This old derelict and a few destroyers. When will sufficient f***e be in place to defend the eastern arm?" the civilian demanded.

The big admiral gritted his teeth before continuing.

"Captain Davies, by order of his majesty, you are elevated to Chief of Air Operations, seventh fleet, with a commensurate advance in rank to commander."

"Wonderful. My prefecture is practically unguarded and you military types are passing out ribbons," the fop said sarcastically.

The big admiral turned on him with such fury in his eyes the thin man visibly cowered. The admiral mastered himself and spoke in an icy calm voice.

"I am sure his majesty will be heartened to know his prefect greets his decrees with such enthusiasm. Perhaps I should send the security tape of this meeting to him, so that he can see for himself how supportive you are of his decisions and military staff."

Erica had to suppress a laugh as the young man's face blanched. His mouth worked, but no words would come and he seemed to shrink back into his chair. The admiral turned back to the table, ignoring the prefect's discomfiture.

"Quick introductions. I'm Admiral Harris, C-in-C for the fifth military district. This is Admiral Tibbets, Yalo area commander," he said, gesturing to the man who had said thanks earlier. He nodded to Erica and gave her an encouraging smile.

"The quiet gent next to him is Admiral Hosegawa, Liaison with the general staff."

The elderly, oriental man nodded gravely.

"This is Vice Admiral Ricks, commander of Starbase Five," he said, indicating a dashing young man with a black goatee. Erica glanced at him once and made a snap judgment, she had met him before. A hundred times, in a hundred different guises and with a hundred different commands. Career military, hard driving but fair. He, and hundreds like him were the backbone of the Authority Navy. The men on the firing lines who made the tough decisions and wore the inner scars to prove it.

"And Vice Admiral Grew, Liaison officer with command, research and development, Navy."

"The fat fellow, typically out of uniform is Bill Torbin, and leads the interceptor squadron."

"Call me Rambler," he said, extending a hand which was firm and strong.

Erica had met him too, a thousand times over. Tough, competent, a pilot's pilot. The kind of man who led by example and was always in the thick of it. He was alive today because he was that good and his men would charge hell with a bucket of water for him.

The big man started to speak, but paused.

"Oh, and this gentleman," he managed to make the word an epitaph with his tone, "is Prefect Lombra, of the eastern arm."

"Now to business!' he said clapping his hands and rubbing them together.

"Jack?"

"It isn't pretty Ed," Vice Admiral Ricks began, "the base is about forty percent depressurized. We lost a bit over s*******n percent shield capacity and one battery of mass drivers is inoperative. Vin estimates he can get the drivers back online in seventy two hours, but it will take six months to get hull integrity back to one hundred percent. If the Yorktown hadn't showed up when she did and if they hadn't pressed the attack and if the results hadn't been so spectacular, I'm afraid we would have been goners. That's a lot of ifs coming together to save us and we can't count on it again."

"Paul?"

"We've sent a recall to all line ships of the Seventh that were on TDD. That's two battle cruisers, Gallant and Defiant. Three heavy cruisers, two light jobs and about forty destroyers. They should all be in within the next seven days."

"What do we have right now?"

"The battleship Potempkin should be out of the fleet repair dock within thirty-two hours. The heavy cruisers Hawthorn and Graves, light cruiser Pygmalion, and s*******n modern destroyers."

"That's it?" Harris asked, visibly shaken.

"A handful of patrol craft. The obsolescent battlecruiser Mines. That's it."

"Good lord," the big man said, sinking into his chair.

"We got hurt."

"All destroyed?" he said, regaining some composure.

"No. We only lost the carriers, auxiliary carriers, six battle ships, twelve heavy cruisers, thirty-odd destroyers and the minesweeper Dove. The rest either made their way to the fleet yards at Camperdoon or were towed there. The first reports made it out to be a lot worse than it was, you know the story Ed. A fleeing soldier counts every foeman twice and every casualty three times. That said, we had a lot of total hull breeches," he said quietly.

"Casualties?"

"Not totaled, but in six months we'll have a lot more ships than we do crew."

"Hosegawa?"

"Sixth fleet, Third fleet and the Home fleet are being mobilized, but expecting their arrival in less than one hundred and twenty days would be dangerously optimistic. Even when they do arrive, the weight of broadside will not be significantly higher than Seventh fleet had at the time of the attack. Even then, I seriously doubt they will be committed to action until their carriers are outfitted with the new fighters and torpedoes."

"How long will that take?" he said, turning to Grew.

"The Skoda works are retooling all lines to produce the modified Corsairs," Vice Admiral Grew responded.

"Assuming the change over goes well, and assuming they hit full production and assuming there are no interruptions in the raw material supply, I still can't see them being able to outfit a single fleet air arm for at least six months."

"And the torpedoes?"

"We'll be lucky if enough can be produced in the first three months to keep this ship's air complement stocked. After that, production should skyrocket when the Amspurn and Quintilla armories come online."

"Admiral Quarrels, how long can you hold out here?"

"I think that question is better answered by my Air Boss, the ship's guns will only play a minor role in any defense."

"Commander?"

Erica considered her words before she spoke.

"Am I right in assuming this new ship class is still a small percentage of the Trog fleet and is being used as a kind of shock attack group?"

"Our intelligence points to that. I think it's a safe assumption."

"In a nutshell then. I have thirty-six pilots, forty-two fighters and just under five hundred torpedoes. The Trog have over a thousand ships and god only knows how many fighters. Sooner or later they are going to realize what hit them and they will adapt their tactics. That means beefed up direct fire e****ts and more fighter cover for the capital ships. Had they understood the threat, they would have stood and fought. If that had happened, they would have won. They can afford to lose thirty capital ships for every fighter they destroy and should they destroy Yorktown, that will be all remaining fighters and our stock of torpedoes. When they come back, they are going to win, unless we have more fighters and more pilots on the way I don't know about."


"That's defeatism!" the prefect yelled.

"It's a pragmatic assessment of the situation, your grace," Erica replied.

"Have her arrested, immediately!" he demanded of Admiral Harris.



"Guards!" the big man roared.

In moments a team of troopers poured into the room. They looked around tensely, as if they expected Trogs to be everywhere.

"e****t that twit out of here," he said, pointing a stubby finger at the prefect.

"You can't do this!" he squalled, but the guards paid no notice to his curses, his threats or the dignity of his office, simply manhandling him out of the room.

When quiet was restored they all looked at one another and slowly everyone, even the stoic Hosegawa, broke out into grins.

"Nice move, Ed," Admiral Tibbets said.

"Damned civilians. He was right about one thing though, that's a pretty bleak assessment, Commander."

"I'm not an ass-kisser sir, you asked for my opinion, I gave it."

"Quite right, I did. So in your opinion, we're licked?"

Erica didn't know what to say. She hated to admit it, but she really didn't see any way out.

"She didn't say that, sir," the Goose piped up.

"Who are you?" Harris demanded.

"She's one of mine," Erica responded quickly, "go ahead Goose,"

"What the Boss was saying was we don't have a chance, IF we sit and let them figure out what hit them and come back. Despite the fact we took a beating, we now have the advantage. If we press them, go over to the attack and keep them off balance, we could well buy enough time to regroup and get our production facilities up to speed."

Erica had thought no such thing, but the Goose quickly stepped back, leaving her to expound upon the idea.

"Well, at the very least they won't expect it," Harris said in an awed tone.

"Thoughts?" he asked after no one spoke up.

"We have two capital ships, just a handful of e****ts, only a madman would attack with that. At least here, they can supplement the station's mass drivers," Ricks said.

"Desperate times call for desperate measures," Hosegawa said thoughtfully.

All eyes turned to him, but he took a while before he spoke again.

"The Trog jump here from three systems. At any one time their fleets are divided between those systems. Theoretically, if we attack, we will face only about a third of their fleet. If we f***e that fleet to retreat, it will make it impossible for it to link up with other elements. A jump to a non-defended system would then f***e them to come after us. The Trog think very linearly. They can't know how much damage they inflicted or our fleet strength here. With a fleet driving into their interior and no idea what awaits them here, they will most likely leave screening f***es on the border and go after that fleet with all they have."

"And when they catch it, they will annihilate it and return, more sure than ever they can take Yalo," Tibbets opined.

"They have to catch us first," Erica said.



"And they will, Commander, eventually they will."

"But the key word there is eventually. We aren't talking about having to run forever, merely leading them a merry chase that takes a few months," Quarrels said.

"But they will catch you and when they do, they will destroy you to a man," Ricks stated flatly.

"Perhaps. But we will be just as dead, if they concentrate f***e here at Yalo. At least if we take it to them, we stand a chance of surviving and our deaths, if that should be our fate, will serve to buy time."

"I would point out that you will have to take on bombardment ordinance. Are your pilots prepared to rain death on unprotected worlds?"

"I don't know. My pilots are green," Erica said thoughtfully.

"Mine are," Rambler said, "Every man jack of them has lost friends and most saw the ruins of Deneb IV after the Trog let loose on the planet."

"All right. Paul, what can we send on this offensive in say, one week's time?" Harris queried.

"How much do you want to leave for defense?"

"Nothing. I want the call sent out to every system to send their system defense boats."

"They're mostly obsolete destroyers, Ed."

"I know, but they create a sensor signature. That's the best defense we have now, deception."

"In that case, they can have all of the seventh fleet units that arrive. I have a handful of fighter pilots we can send, to bolster the cover groups."

"Provisions?"

'The base's stores weren't hit, we can outfit a fleet this small with ease from our own stocks," Ricks added.

Erica felt good that she had been right about him. He made his argument, but when out voted, threw himself into helping anyway he could, including putting his own folks on short rations.

"What about parts?" the Goose asked. Although not of flag rank, no one seemed ready to question her speaking.

"The carrier Kurishima wasn't totally destroyed. The hulk was towed out of the way to keep it from being a navigation hazard. I can send some salvage crews. The hanger decks were more or less intact, I'm sure some of the parts lockers survived," Ricks said.

Erica got the feeling the ship wasn't in bad shape or a navigational hazard, but had been towed out of sight for morale. If that was so, they could even hope for a few more fighters.

"Excellent. Paul, you and Jack coordinate with Admiral Quarrels. Get the small ships to work within the hour ferrying out supplies. As the TDD ships arrive, make sure they are fully stocked too. I'll get our people to work on the salvage project. Grew, see if you can get a fast freighter to drop its load and pick up any torpedoes or fighters at the R & D center, give it top priority clearance. We'll meet back here on Sunday for a final briefing. Quarrels, give your non-essential people base leave."

***


Rebel eased into a seat at Bel's and ordered a scotch, which is what she had been drinking the last time according to Cloudy. The Indian woman was dancing with Cowboy, the pilot who had saved her. Jugs was at the old guard table, apparently she had caught Surfer's eye. Lou was back and forth, between this table and others. She seemed to be making friends everywhere and Rebel envied her for that.

The entire place was suffused with an air of celebration, but Rebel wasn't part of it. Not because anyone was keeping her from joining in, in fact Lou, Cloudy, Jugs, even Lucky had tried to get her to join in the fun, but she felt apart from everyone. Like a spectator at the big game, she was watching it all, but detached from it.

She had killed today. Not just a single person, no she had killed on a grand scale. She had been credited with a Trog heavy cruiser and a battleship. Even the Boss had only scored a cruiser and battlecruiser, making Rebel the Ace of the day. While everyone else had been celebrating she had plugged into the ship's computer and looked at the specs on those ships. Just under five thousand crewmen had died in less than ten minutes. All by her hand.

She had known a few veterans, deserters mostly, who talked about the horror or war. The spoke in hushed whispers about looking into a man's eyes as you killed him. About a million other things that made each death seem personal. Compared to what she had just done, sticking a bayonet into a man's ribs seemed clean. Maybe it was different in the army.

Rebel had decided in the Navy, the horror of war wasn't personal, the most horrific thing was how impersonal it was. Five thousand deaths and what did that earn her? A lot of congratulations. A few offers to buy her a drink. Another day at the office.

It bothered her now, but even that was perverse. When she pulled the trigger it had been with exhilaration and when she thought they had killed Cloudy, she had hated like she never thought possible. No one else seemed to be wanting to reflect on it or maybe they were drinking, partying and planning on screwing so they didn't have to think about it. She wasn't sure.

She had been the first to embrace the Indian woman when she made it back. Tears of joy spilling down her cheeks. They had both been embarrassed, but Cloudy had winked just before the rest of the group showed up. Rebel slipped away after hearing how a pilot in Texas Thunder had showed up in the nick of time for the third time. That same pilot was dancing with Cloudy now.

She kept glancing at the old guard table, hoping to see the Boss. As the night wore on and the drinks kept coming, even the faint hope of seeing her diminished until Rebel was too d***k to care.

***


"Jeezus Christ, Lucky. We've been doing this shit for six days running, give us a break?" Jugs whined.

"Ain't my fault, sweety. Blame the Goose. You c***dren aren't hitting more than eighty-five percent of your side and rear quarter approaches and that just won't cut it. Frankly, I think you've all hurt her feelings." Lucky teased.

"My feelings only get hurt when my girl has a headache." Goose replied.

"See? Can't you tell she's heartbroken?"

"Lucky? Fuck you."

"Anytime you're ready, Goose."

"Talk to me when you can hit more than eighty-five percent of your side on approaches."

"Ouch!" someone called.

Lou suppressed a laugh and armed the two missiles on her ship. She was one of those who was hitting better than ninety percent and hoped she would get the afternoon off. The round the clock flying had worn on everyone and her in particular. Flying was an incredible rush for her and she now felt like she had a hangover. She desperately needed a long sl**p rather than the cat naps she had been grabbing. Actually, she needed a good session with Lucky and her big friend, then a few hours sl**p, she thought with a sexy smile.

"Tell you what Goose, what say if I hit this one, you come to my quarters and put out for me?"

"And if you miss?"

"Then you come back to my place and put out!" Lucky replied, laughing like a hyena.

Several other girls joined her.

"Knock it off," Rebel commanded.

"Yes, ma'am!" Lucky replied.

Lou marveled at that. Rebel had been named flight leader of black flight. She hadn't seemed to be too happy about it. In fact, she had been very withdrawn and distant since their first combat experience. She meant to talk to her, but Lou had a healthy streak of caution in her and just plain old common sense. Something was eating the short woman and when it came out, Lou had no doubt it would be explosive. As much as she wanted to help, she didn't want to get caught in the blast.

"Black flight, form on me," Rebel called.

Lucky was flying with them, to give Rebel the feel of a full flight. Once they formed up Rebel spoke again.

"Accelerate to attack speed."

Lou eased the throttle forward, blushing when she remembered her lessons in thrust. Their target today was an old destroyer called the Thames. It had been "killed" about a thousand times in the last week.

Lou watched the numbers fall and eyeballed her release point. Everyone wondered how she did so well at this and she had refused to say. The reason was that she had been a champion dodge ball player back home. Much of that had to do with hitting someone with the ball and she had become adept at judging motion. This run proved to be even easier when the small ship started to wallow to port.

Two more shots. Two more hits. Ninety-seven percent on the week and an afternoon of snoozing were hers. After a long session of getting her brains fucked out, of course.

***


They were all assembled in the conference room again, minus the prefect and most of the department heads.

"Well?" Admiral Harris said.

"The ship and her e****ts are all primed, fully provisioned and ready to go," Ricks said.

"Recovery on the Kurishima went better than expected, Yorktown will leave with a full complement of one hundred and fifty fighters plus parts. Unfortunately, we only managed to find another eighteen combat-effective pilots. So that will give them less than one hundred and thirty available fighters for any sortie."

"Research and development managed to round up another eight fighters and two hundred and seventy five torpedoes. One fighter was damaged beyond salvage in the defense of the starbase so Commander Davies will start with fifty-nine Corsairs."

"Yorktown is ready, operating at one hundred percent efficiency, according to the old girl," Quarrels reported.

"I have some good news from signals intelligence," Harris said with a grin.

"Our cold bl**ded friends have no idea what hit them."

"How is that possible?" Hosegawa asked.

"Well, it's part a big gun mentality and partly due to this ancient battlewagon. Yorktown class battleships were removed from the registry of active warships two or three hundred years before we ever encountered the Trog. Since their intelligence on our ships and ship types come from captured ships, they have never seen anything quite like her. Fifteen inch PPCs in turrets look nothing like today's thirty sixes, which you all know are mounted in tandem centerline."

Everyone looked at him expectantly and when what he was saying didn't register he continued.

"Basically they put two and two together and got five. New ship type. New gun design. Massive damage…"

"They think the Yorktown blasted those ships!" Quarrels blurted.

"According to the signals boys, that's what they think," Harris said smiling.

"About time we caught a break," Tibbets said.

"This mission is approved by the high command, but they stress it is offered, not ordered," Hosegawa said after the laughter died down.



All eyes turned to Erica. She cleared her throat and paused before replying.

"My pilots are hitting about ninety percent of the time. Taking into account the uncertainty of combat conditions, my weapons expert estimates that will translate to no better than a fifty percent hit to fire ratio. Considering the devastating effect of the torpedoes, I say we go with what we have. We'll jump to Alpha One and beard the lion in his den. If we fail, we fall. If we succeed…"

"We'll face that challenge when it comes," Quarrels finished for her.

"I don't have to tell you the level of bravery and commitment you are showing. Nor do I have the words to express the awe and respect of those who send you into harm's way. And I certainly could never express the hope of the trillions whose very existence rests with your bold gambit. What I can do is this," he said, reaching under the table and producing two bottles with red ribbons on them.

"Scotch. Thirty year old single malt. Distilled in Conewegh, in Scotland, on old earth."

Erica's jaw nearly hit the floor as she accepted the dark green glass bottle. A parting gift of booze from an admiral was out of the ordinary, but not unheard of. A bottle of real earth alcohol was. She hadn't met five people in her life who even claimed to have had real scotch. The stuff was rarer than gold and far more precious. Even planetary governors couldn't afford such a luxury.

"I only ask that you at least crack the bottle tonight and lift a toast to the Navy."

"Aye-aye, sir," they replied in unison.

***


Rebel sat quietly in her fighter, staring stoically down the long chute of the catapult. Black flight would launch first, with Cloudy, Jugs and Lou coming out from the portside launchers and herself and a new girl, Troy, coming from the starboard. Texas Thunder would be launching as their cover group.

Five groups, five fighters in each. Rowdy flight. The Lucky Strikes. Surfer girls. The Goslings. And her group, Black flight.

It didn't seem possible that she would be leading a group. Out of all the graduates and ten veterans, it just boggled her mind that she had been selected. She wondered why, pondered it, went over it in her mind and still came up with a giant question mark.

Six months ago she was the ultimate outsider, now she wore a brevet lieutenant's bars. She wasn't even in charge of herself and now she had four people's lives in her hands. If the weight of it didn't kill her, the Trog probably would.

"Five minutes till we exit hyperspace," the Cap officer called.

Five minutes. You could live a lifetime in five minutes if you were a fighter pilot. Out there in the cold, hard vacuum of space, life was measured in split seconds. She wished Cloudy had been made flight leader, but understood why she hadn't. She was in love. Stupid, sappy, in love with the pilot they all called Cowboy and she called Dran. She was still one of the best, but she was so caught up in him that she wasn't all there and the Boss had noticed it.

The Boss. That was her real problem. They fought when she got her promotion. They fought when she was made a flight commander. Every time they were near each other Rebel lost her temper. Like clockwork. And what really killed her was, Erica Davies was the one person in the world she wanted to impress. Instead she always came off feeling like she was acting like a petulant c***d.

Five minutes. It was enough time to think yourself to death.

***


Alpha one. The system was the first of those that was controlled by the Trog. It consisted of a binary star pair, with some fifteen planets. The Trog had colonized the third and forth planets out from the star pair. The system was a border world and so they had constructed a fleet repair dock, battlestation and some static defenses on the various outer worlds. The fleet stayed close to the occupied planets and batlestation. Beyond that, they knew very little about what they would face.

On the far edge of this system, space twinkled, dissolved into a fuzzy patch where outlines were blurred, and then cleared, to reveal the Terran battle fleet, where before there had been only blackness.

"Tactical," Captain Quarrels demanded. The view screen immediately had a tactical map overlaid on the view field.



"Now tracking three hundred and ninety-five hostiles," the computer reported.

"Foghats?"

"None."

Quarrels turned to Erica and smiled. They had won the first throw of the dice, picking a sector that had none of the new super ships with the strange code name. She smiled back, pressing a button on her repeater screen. She would have preferred to be in combat, but as Air Boss, she would be coordinating and she just couldn't accomplish it from the cockpit.

"Fleet order, Line ahead," Quarrels barked, as the huge ship began to overcome inertia and move towards the enemy fleet. Potempkin took the lead, being the lone battleship, Yorktown eased in behind her, followed by the battlecruisers Gallant and Defiant. The heavy cruisers Hawthorn, Graves, Triton, Imperious and God's Hand formed the rest of the battle line. Destroyers and light cruisers darted out to the edges, forming a protective ring around the heavies.

"Beginning launch operations," Erica reported.

As the fleet moved slowly forward, gaining speed, the catapults and launch bays came alive, filling the empty space with multitudes of small ships.

***


"Black flight, form on me," Rebel called, trying to keep the excitement from her voice.

"Roger," Cloudy called.

"Right with you," Lou responded.

"On you," Jugs called.

"With you sir," Troy reported.

"Thunder?"

"Got your six, Rebel," he said in the drawl she was getting used to over the tac net. He didn't talk like that in person and Rebel thought he affected the drawl so he always seemed calm to his pilots.

"Black flight in position," she reported on the air ops net.

"Roger Black flight, hold your position," the Boss's clipped response came.

A few minutes of lonely calls as orphans found their flights and the whole air wing jockeyed into position.

"Listen up. We have six cruisers and three destroyers who have separated from the main group. Black flight and the Rowdies, disengage from the wing and proceed to take them out,"

"On it," Red, the leader of the Rowdies called.

"Roger," Rebel called, switching back to the tac net.

"We're going after that group of stragglers, follow me."

Rebel accelerated to attack speed and her group pulled away from the wing and quickly opened the distance from the Terran fleet.

"Arm torpedoes," she called, before opening the safety locks and arming both of hers.

The cruisers were broadside to her, apparently attempting to sprint out and form a wedge that would trap the Terran fleet between two f***es.

"I've got fighters coming, Thunder,"

"I see 'em. All right boys, the lizards want to play, let's go humor them," he called.

Erica watched as the six Ghostdogs flashed past them and accelerated towards the incoming fighters. At fifty thousand clicks they were buffeted by missiles, but the majority passed by them and even those that were close enough couldn't penetrate the Corsair's formidable shields.

"Paint your targets," Rebel said.

When she depressed the red button her computer cycled through several of the cruisers before finding one that wasn't already painted. This method of selecting targets was primitive, but with so few torpedoes and such a good rate of killing with one shot, it prevented several pilots from selecting the same target, over killing it while letting others get by uns**thed.

She moved now to line up on her target, watching as the numbers fell on the targeting scope.

"It's away," someone called.

The declaration was followed by several more in a short span, but Rebel was on the farthest ship and so had to close more than the others. This put her in the most danger, as the running torpedoes would already be nearing their FTL boost before she even fired, putting her much closer to the explosions. She accepted that, the way Erica had when she lead. It was part of being a flight leader.

When her scope went green she fired and pulled up hard. She jammed her throttle to wide open, risking black out to get as much distance as she could from the blasts that would come any second.

***


"Get out of there, get out of there, get out of there," Erica whispered under her breath as she watched Black flight's attack run.

"Boss?"

"Yes," she snapped, looking up quickly.

"We've got two groups of bogies approaching from planetside," the sensor tech informed her.

"Rambler, you have bogies coming, two o'clock low," she called after examining her scope.

"Roger Boss, engage?"

"Affirm."

"Goose, take your fighters and move them to quadrant three in the protection grid, engage any fighters that get through at your discretion."

"Roger."

Erica glanced back at the scope.

"Black flight, Rowdies, reform and close on this vector,"

"Roger," Red called.

"Affirm," Cloudy said.



The Indian's voice rattled her. She desperately wanted to ask if Rebel was all right, but her professionalism prohibited her from doing so. Inside, however, she was dying.

***


The first thing she was aware of was her suit. It was slack on her body rather than tight. The next thing was the smell of ozone and burned plastic. She remembered pulling up, remembered giving the fighter all it had, and remembered vaguely the massive thump that seemed to lift her fighter and threw her forward so violently that her head had smashed into the canopy.

The control board was fried, with black scars where fires had burned and melted plastic covering most of the dials, not that they were working. She tried to move and was rewarded with throbbing pain from her shoulders where her harness had stopped her forward momentum.

"Fuck," she said, enunciating the word like a prayer.

It was dead silent, no buzz from the tac net, no hum of the engines. Far, far away she saw the lights and explosions of a battle through her shattered canopy. From here, it was beautiful and the tranquility around her lent an even more surreal quality to the scene.

With no boards she was going to be doing a lot of guessing, and the first had to be the engines. She felt no throb, heard no sound, so she guessed they were dead. She flipped up the safety cover on the manual start and tensed, as she hit the switch. If they were already on, she might well blow her ship up, but she had no choice.

There was a solid thunking sound and jolt, followed by the hum and lights winking on.

She sighed heavily, only then realizing she had been holding her breath. She saw steam when she breathed out and realized it was freezing in the cockpit. She must have been out for quite some time.

"Rebel to Black flight, anyone copy?" she called. Silence greeted her, not even the white noise that would let her know she was transmitting or receiving.

She placed her hand on the throttle and then removed it. Her suit was still slack. Looking down she saw the floor of the cockpit was coated with black fluid.

She returned her hand to the throttle and eased it forward, again holding her breath. The ship smoothly accelerated. She couldn't believe how far away from the ships she was. And she didn't dare use more than a quarter power without her flight suit. It was going to be a long ride home.

She brought up her stores list and fired both her copperheads, then tried to fire her lone remaining torpedo. Nothing happened when she depressed the trigger. It sat their in her stores list, glowing red. She opened the switch and tried to disarm it, but nothing happened. Giving up on lightening the load and decreasing her danger, she aimed towards the far distant battle and throttled up.

***


Cloudy pulled the stick violently to starboard and kicked down on the rudder pedal while jamming the throttle to full. Her vision clouded with red as she pulled nearly negative ten Gs at the top of the inverted loop. Her ship came out of it, with the bastard who had been pummeling her rear shields directly in front of her.

She flipped the selector on her stick from auxiliary to primary and took the slack out of her trigger. Eight PPCs fired, sending bluish arcs of light into the enemy fighter. It wavered and then exploded in a ball of flame.

"Help!" Lou screamed.

Since the first attack run, things had gone swiftly downhill. They had lost Rebel and Cloudy had taken over. The Air Boss had vectored them onto a contingent of battlecruisers that seemed to be making for the fleet. Their torpedoes had decimated it, but in the confusion they had lost the covering ghostdogs and were now surrounded by enemy fighters.

Cloudy frantically looked for Lou, she saw the country girl's ship away and below her. The tall Indian nosed over into a dive.

"Run straight, Lou," she commanded.

"Straight? Are you out of your friggin mind?!!"

"Just do it!" Cloudy ordered.

Lou's ship leveled out and the fighter behind it did so as well, to get the killing shot, but in doing so he flattened his flight path right into Cloudy's guns. She flipped her selector from guns to missiles, got tone and launched her remaining copperhead. The small missle shot off her wing pylon and tracked right into the Trog's tail, obliterating the stout fighter in a silent explosion.

"How bad are you hit?" Cloudy asked as she swooped in and took up station in Lou's six, a little behind and above her.

"All kinds of electrical problems Cloudy, and it's responding sluggishly."

"Jugs?"

"A minute," came the clipped reply.

After a few seconds of silence, one of the Rowdies called, "Thanks Jugs,"

"What ya need?" the blonde called.

"Form up on Lou. We've lost Rebel and Troy, I'm taking us in," Cloudy said.

"Roger."

"Boss?" Cloudy called.

"Go ahead," the boss replied.

"I'm bringing Black flight in," Cloudy said.

"Roger, use the center landing bay, How many you bringing in?"

"Three, but we are nursing a cripple,"

"Roger, get your cripple in, then join up with the Lucky Strikes. They are rearming for another sortie,"

"Roger,"

Cloudy heard something in the Boss's voice. A kind of dead flatness that lacked resonance. She wondered what it meant.

***




"Fifteen battleships approaching," a sensor tech shouted.

"Thirty degree turn to port, all guns to fire at the turn!" Quarrels bellowed.

Erica braced herself as the big ship began to turn, a deep, throaty boom echoed through the ship, followed by more as the ancient PPCs added their volume to the outgoing fire. The ship suddenly shuddered and the power went down to emergency lighting.

"Damage report," the Admiral demanded.

"All communications out below G deck!" a tech shouted.

Another massive blow rocked the old warhorse and Erica struggled up from her seat.

"Where are you going?' Quarrels shouted.

"Hangar deck!" she shouted back, stumbling as the deck rocked beneath her under another hammer blow.

Erica took the lift down to the hangar deck, it opened on a scene of chaos. Fires burned and the service corridor was choked with massive I beams and smaller debris. She ran down the hall, climbing over and dodging under debris. Farther along she had to shove her way through the press of wounded and bewildered civilians and deck crews.

Thankfully the hangar deck was in good shape and she tore off her uniform as she crossed the bay. Her ship sat on the ready alert catapult and she jumped on the wing while kicking off her shoes. Chavez tossed her boots up to her and unchoked the wheels as she pulled them on.

Another massive blow rocked the old ship as Erica settled into the cockpit, nearly taking the short tech off the wing. She held on grimly, attaching hoses to Erica's flight suit, which she had worn under her uniform.

As soon as the helmet was on, Chavez closed the canopy and leaped off the wing. Erica hit the launch button and switched to her secondary weapon as she accelerated. Once in space, she flipped the red covers and armed the torpedoes. Two of the battleships were directly in front of her, at about thirty thousand yards. They were the ones hammering the Yorktown.

Erica accelerated to attack speed and brought the targeting reticule to one, then the other. At four thousand yards she launched, but rather than pull up she slewed her ship violently to one side, gained tone on the other and launched her second torpedo before pulling up and boosting away from the doomed ships.

She didn't know it, but at almost the same time, the Lucky Strikes had fired on the two ships companions. The vaporizing of a battleship squadron was too much for the Trogs. Less than a minute later their ravaged fleet jumped, leaving the system to the Terrans.

***


It was a quiet night in Bel's place, but the old warrior wasn't happy. He kept turning his eyes to the regulars' table and the Air Boss, who seemed intent on drinking herself into a c***. Bel was a good man and he understood how the losses of a major battle could wear on the officers. He also understood the dangers of letting alcohol give solace and he was more than passingly familiar with the Air Boss's past.

He had been debating and ruminating for about an hour when she called for another bottle. That had done it for him. Once he delivered it to her table he slipped to the phone in the rear and made the call.

Less than twenty minutes later, Tucker walked in.

"Let's go, Boss," he said, striding up to her table.

"Fuck you," she slurred.

Tucker didn't even flinch, but turned to the three pilots at the bar. They were all new and had been part of the last training class.

"Turn your backs," Tucker ordered.

Despite outranking him now and despite being off duty, they all complied instantly. The burly Sergeant Major grabbed Erica by the shoulders and hauled her to her feet. She started to curse at him, but he hit her, his balled fist striking right on the point of her chin and driving consciousness out of her. Her body collapsed back onto the table.

He picked her up, slung her limp form over his shoulder and walked out, pausing only to toss a handful of script on the bar.

She came to in the Jeep as it bounced over the hastily laid temporary coverings that masked the deep scars in the old ship's deck plates.

She groaned, and then sat up, rubbing her chin.

"Tuck?"

"Almost home, Boss," he replied.

"I'm going to cut Bel's balls off the next time I see him," she said.

Tucker wasn't surprised she was lucid. It took a hell of a lot to get her d***k and even ripped she could fool most people. She had made it five months in a combat command, d***k off her ass.

"Say something, Tucker," she demanded.

He knew better. She just needed something to latch onto and the tirade would begin. If he left her to her own devices, she would be asl**p before they made her quarters. When they got there Tucker lifted her out of the jeep and put her to bed. Walking out of her quarters he found the Goose standing next to the jeep, resting a foot on the running board.

"Figured you would be getting some of that redhead's pussy," Tucker said.

"She's working, all the techs are, I'll be lucky if I get laid again this month."

"What brings you here?"

"Worried about the Boss. I know you watch over her, but there are some things a woman can only tell another woman. Feel like letting me in on it?"

He didn't respond but climbed into the jeep. When he looked at her, she shrugged and got in with him. He said nothing as they made the long drive back to York. He stopped outside Bel's and they both went in and got a seat. Bel brought them both their regular drinks and Tucker savored his before speaking.

"Don't suppose you know much about the Boss," he began.

"No more than she's told me, which I admit isn't much," Goose acknowledged.

Tucker nodded slightly, refilled his tumbler and seemed lost in thought for a while.

"Ever hear of Quantro?" he said at last.

"No," she said.

"Doesn't surprise me. The place that doesn't exist. It was a border world, out near Persephone. The population fucked up and let some religious nut get control. First thing he did was declare God, not the emperor, was supreme and that the planet was seceding from the empire."

"Good lord."

"Yeah. Well, no surprise that went over like a turd in the punch bowl on Earth and the three seventy-fifth was dispatched on the carrier Ajax to deal with it. Planetary rebellion, no big deal right? Wrong. This holly roller had purchased a shit load of old CVD-Tomcats. Caught us with our pants down and most of the air wing was annihilated. Among those killed was the boss's fiancé, William Tripper."

Goose sipped her drink and waited. She had never known Tucker to say so much, and he seemed lost in memories now. A good judge of character, she figured he would speak again only when ready. In the end it was almost half the bottle of whiskey before he spoke.

"Trips was a son of a bitch. He treated the Boss worse than a whore. Cheated on her with every piece of ass that came along. Everyone could see it but her. Most of us were glad to see him gone, but the boss…she loved him, ya know?"

"Yeah, I've been there," Goose replied.

Tucker looked at her hard and then nodded.

"Yeah, you have the look. We knocked all the fighters out, were getting ready to send in the marines to retake the capitol when word came down…"

She waited a long time, but he seemed to have stopped talking.

"What word?"

"No invasion. An example had to be made."

"And?"

"Total sterilization of the planet, by thermonuclear bombardment." He said grimly.



"My god!" Goose exclaimed.

"There is no God." He declared bitterly, before killing the tumbler and taking his next hit directly from the bottle.

"Twenty-three," he whispered.

He seemed to be struggling with himself, so the next words came out haltingly, with long pause between.

"She was twenty-three…Just a k** who joined up to avoid jail time for being unregistered…Lost her first lover…then they ordered her to kill four and a half billion people…in cold bl**d."

"Did she do it?"

"Course she did. What choice did she have? But it unhinged her. She hit the bottle. Hard. I watched. Looked after her. Covered for her. But I couldn't make it better. She came out of it on her own, after I found her in her quarters with her wrists slit. Hospital time, de-tox, they didn't bust her. I pulled some strings and Admiral Graff ruled it was stress so they reassigned her here."

"You love her, don't you?" Mindy blurted.

"Not like you're thinking, but yeah, I love her."

"Does she always get d***k when she loses pilots?"



"No. I think it's losing a particular pilot that got to her."

"I don't get you."

He smiled at her and took another slug of whiskey.

"Ever seen her go out? When was the last time she went on a date? Ever seen her even look twice at a male recruit?"

Suddenly a light went on in Goose's head.

"No," she said, shaking her head.

"I don't even think she knows it yet," he said.

"That's just not possible, Tucker, I'd have known. Lucky or Surfer would have for sure."

"Nope. None of you know 'cause she doesn't, or at least hasn't admitted it to herself. She don't act like one, but I think she's a muff diver,"

"You sure you aren't just saying that cause you love her and she isn't interested?" Goose asked.

She instantly wished she hadn't said it, but Tucker only smiled.

"I don't love her that way, little lady. I lost my…equipment in action on Quartermine. Ball-buster mine. She's more like a daughter to me, and one I have spent a long time watching after. I tried for a while to hook her up with a good man so I wouldn't have to worry so much. No dice. After a while I started to wonder. So I finally asked a bull dyke friend of mine to talk to her. They hit it off pretty well, nothing sexual, but Cindy told me she was pretty sure the Boss was into girls, but was in denial. I trust that girl, trust her judgment."

"So who was she interested in?"

"Who do you think?"

"Fuck. Rebel. Has to be."

"Give that girl a cigar."

They finished the bottle in silence. Min went home after they parted ways, dodging through the streets that were still being cleared of rubble by deck crews, even at four in the morning. She couldn't sl**p, her head filled with rational denials. By seven the next morning she was out of them and convinced Tucker was right.

***


"Captain, we have an unidentified craft approaching," the sensor tech called.

"What kind of craft?"

"Fighter by the looks of its profile."

"Any communication?"

"No sir,"

"Scramble the ready alert,"

She saw them coming and tensed. Rebel had no way of communicating. Her radio was out and her blinker broken, even the running lights wouldn't come on. Worse than any of that, she had a live torpedo that she couldn't disarm. She eased the throttle back to dead idle, killed the engines again and waited as the four fighters surrounded her.

They were Ghostdogs. Interceptors and probably would let her have it for the least provocation. She sat and waited while they buzzed her ship. She hoped the leader would be one of the less brain dead ones, but that hope faded as time passed and the cold began to creep back into the cockpit. She desperately wanted to reengage the engines, but she had been through to much to risk being killed by an overzealous reprobate.



***


Goose was sitting in the Boss's office when the red bridge phone rang. Tucker was off filling out a fake sickbay report while Goose covered the office. Erica was still sl**ping it off in her quarters, but they had taken all her clothes to make sure she stayed there and didn't ruin the deception. The big sergeant had been grateful for her help, even though he hadn't said so.

"Flight Ops," she said, after hesitantly lifting the receiver.

"I need the Boss," the voice demanded.

"She's sick, I'm acting. What's up?"

"Got an inbound. Ready alert says there is no communication and it looks like one of yours."

"I'll check it out," Goose said before hanging up.

She pondered a moment and then went to the flight line, shedding her uniform in the locker she hastily squeezed into her flight suit and went to the ready alert cat.

"Out!" she shouted to the pilot, a thin girl named Victoria, but called Vic the Knife by everyone because of her sharp tongue.

Goose climbed up on the wing and helped the girl out before jumping in and attaching her hoses. She then put on her helmet and pulled the canopy down. Goose hit the launch button and was soon in space.

"This is bridge to unidentified craft," her radio squaked.

"IFF you dumbass," she called.

"Oh. Sorry…"

A few seconds later another voice came on.

"Sorry ma'am, we're trying to train some civilians to take the place of bridge casualties."

"Give me a vector to the unidentified craft," Mindy growled.

"Coming up," he said, her board almost immediately lighting as she turned sharply and followed the beacon.

"This is the Goose, what ya got out there, Hammer?" she called after locating the ships and checking the IFF.

"Beats me. Looks like one of those fancy ships you girls fly, but this one is beat all to hell."

"No communication?"

"Not a thing."

"Call letters?"

"What?"

"Call letters you Neanderthal. You know, the letters they put on the fucking tail so you can identify the fucking ship."

"Geeze, don't be so bitchy. BT-1458B."

Goose ran it through her computer and then ran it again. She couldn't believe it. Couldn't make herself believe it, but when she got there and saw for herself she had to believe it.

Rebel watched as the Corsair came in close and started a blinkered message.

'Rebel. If that's you, accelerate slowly and wag your wings'

She quickly did so. Then eased the throttle back until she was at station keeping again. The warm air felt deliciously good and she felt her feet thawing.

'Can you jettison torpedo? If so wag wings again'

When she didn't the blinking started again.

'Follow me'

The ship moved in front of her and began accelerating. Rebel fell in, watching the red light on her board that showed her torpedo was still armed.



"Goose to Flight Ops."

"Go ahead, Goose."

"I've got an injured bird with a hot package. Clear the flight deck. Get the damage control parties and an ambulance. I want a path cleared so get every ship out of the damned way. We are coming in hot on the starboard landing bay."

"Roger"

Rebel was sweating and shaky. Over twenty-four hours in the cockpit had her limbs numb and the cold had her teetering on the edge of u*********sness. The ship was just a blur through her shattered canopy and she was now fighting the ship, which seemed determined to yaw to starboard.

The Corsair in front of her was her only real guide, its running lights a blazing beacon. She locked in on that, shut out all else, the pain, the cold, the fatigue and her quickly ebbing strength.

When it broke off, she willed herself to lean forward and peer out. The landing bay was coming up fast, far too fast. She kicked down on the rudder pedals and jerked the throttle into full reverse. Even that wasn't enough and she braced as the ship hit hard on the deck.

The impact jarred the active torpedo loose and it skittered out ahead of her, skipping across the deck in a halo of sparks. Luckily, her approach had been head on and the unguided missile skipped down the length of the bay and out the launch door. Rebel fired the emergency deceleration assists, but they didn't respond. She was bouncing towards the launch door herself and realized if she went out, she wouldn't be able to make another pass, her consciousness was ebbing too fast.

The young pilot played her last card. She whipped the stick over and fired the thrusters. This threw the ship into a diagonal sk** that brought it up hard against the bulkhead. It broke apart on impact and darkness claimed her.

***


"Wake up!"

Erica groaned and rolled over to escape the unbearably loud voice. Her head was throbbing and her stomach protested violently. The tall Air Boss threw up right there in her bed, heaving until her stomach was empty.

Strong arms grabbed her and hauled her out of the soiled bed clothes, propelling her naked body into the bathroom and the icy cold shower that was already running.

The shock of it nearly stopped her heart and she struggled feebly against the arms that held her pinned to the side of the shower. She threw up twice more, retching up stomach bile before she was hauled out of the shower.

She felt a mask placed over her face and her next breath cleared her head somewhat. A sharp prick in her arm was followed by a pill being jammed down her throat. Her tormentor left her sitting on the commode. The pure oxygen helped and the IV of saline finally got her rehydrated. The pill coated her abused stomach and brought relief to the queasiness.

To her shock, Goose walked in with a steaming mug of coffee.

"How do you feel?"

"Like shit."

"Drink some coffee. It's laced with phenobarb, it should bring you around."

Erica sipped the coffee and watched through the doorway as the thin blonde gathered up her bed clothes and dumped them in the chute that lead to Bio. She scowled, then turned the mattress and made the bed.

Erica felt good enough to remove the mask and needle. She staggered into the bedroom and had to sit on the floor suddenly dizzy.

"Easy, boss," Mindy cried and jumped to assist her to the bed.



"What are you doing here, Goose?"

"Spelling Tucker," she replied.

"Just what I need, a spare Jiminy Cricket"

"Got no one to blame but yourself. If you hadn't been so good to me and Leia, I wouldn't give a shit."

"Go home, I'll be all right," Erica said with a tired smile.

"Will you? I don't think so."

"What do you mean?" Erica asked.

Rather than reply, the Goose moved in front of her and then placed her hands on Erica's knees. She looked deeply into her eyes and then, without warning, leaned forward and kissed her.

Erica's eyes shot open, but she melted into the kiss and passively let the thin girl's soft tongue explore her mouth. When it broke Mindy stood back up and went to the small kitchenette, returning in few minutes with a bowl of hot soup.

In the interim Erica had gathered her thoughts.

"What was that all about?"

"You've got a hot body, Boss," the Goose said, ignoring her question as she moved to Erica's dresser.

Erica felt the blush creep into her cheeks. She suddenly was very aware she was naked and wished she had something on.

The Goose laughed and pulled a pair of boxers and T-shirt from her dresser, tossing them to the now red from head to toe Air Boss.

"Pretty drab wardrobe for a femme," Mindy commented as she pulled up a chair and sat down.

"Femme?" Erica questioned as she pulled on her boxers and the shirt.

"Yeah, femme, as opposed to butch."

"I'm not following, Goose," Erica said.

"Damn, you are green aren't you?"

When Erica just looked at her the Goose kicked her feet up on the bed and stared at her.

"A femme is a girly lesbian, Erica. As opposed to a butch, who is more manly."

"I'm not…"

"Stow it!" the Goose ordered. She wasn't shocked when the Boss clamped her mouth shut.

"I didn't believe it either, not until I kissed you. I don't know how you kept it hidden so long or so well, have to give you props on that one."

"What are you talking about?"

"I'm talking about the fact you're into girls."

"I've never!"

"No, you probably haven't and that explains why you are out making a damned fool of yourself."

"I have reasons." Erica said, feeling her anger rise.

"Yeah, like losing Rebel and knowing we are gonna bomb the hell out of that planet," Goose said coldly.

"I…" Erica started, but the Goose was on her, riding her down to the bed and staring into her eyes.

"It's Quantro, all over again. First you lose your love and then you eradicate billions," the Goose said coldly.

"Please…"

"You're feeling sorry for yourself. While your people need you, you're hiding in a bottle," she went on, twisting the knife.

"No, No ,No!" Erica cried, trying desperately to get away, but the Goose was stronger than she looked.

"William is dead. Quantro is gone. And you couldn't stop it."

"No…please…" she whispered.

She felt the pain welling up like a volcano and bursting forth in hot tears that burned her eyes.

"Let…it…go," Mindy said, in a softer voice, but no less demanding.

Erica lost it then, sobbing like a baby in the thin girl's arms. It all came out, all of the things she had suppressed for so long. Blinding, shuddering sobs wracked her tall frame as she let herself do what she hadn't so long ago. She grieved. Through it all Mindy held her, saying nothing, but allowing her to let it go by protecting her. She had no idea how long she cried, but at last no more tears would come.

"Better?" the Goose asked in a hushed voice.

"Yes."

Mindy got up, and took Erica's soup back to the kitchen to reheat it while the tall woman collected herself. When she got back, Erica gratefully accepted it and ate, finding herself suddenly ravenous.

When she finished, she sat back and pulled up a pillow to hug. Mindy smiled at her and Erica smiled too.

"How'd you find out?"

"Can't say."

"Tucker, of course. He's the only one who knows."

"He loves you."

"I know."

"Do you love him back?"

Erica laughed.

"You're good, Goose, but you don't know everything. Tuck's been like a father to me. He was married once, had a daughter. She would be about my age, but she was killed in action over Dorchetshire. Tuck was devastated of course, and a week later, a tall blonde, with a bad attitude who looked very much like his beloved Tess was shipped to him for training. He loves me and I love him, but there has never been anything sexual about it. I'm the daughter he lost. He's the father I never had."

She smiled as comprehension dawned on the thin girl.

"And when I get my hands on him, his name is mud." she added, but without any rancor.

"Don't go to hard on him, I twisted his arm," the Goose said with a grin.

They both laughed as Erica finished her soup and put the bowl on the floor.

"Thanks, I needed that. Have been needing it for a long time." Erica said seriously.

"You've been needing it all right, but I can't give it to you. I already have a girl," the Goose said, smiling again when Erica blushed.

"I don't think I'll be getting that," Erica mused.

"Why not? You're a lovely woman. A trip into town, some creds dropped to get some sexy clothes, maybe a stop at the salon. You'll have girls falling over themselves to bed you, guys too."

"I have to feel something to want to and I don't even know where to start."

"You start by putting your regrets to sl**p, Boss. You've already taken that step. Next you find the woman you want and you go after her."

"I wish it were that easy."

"It is that easy," Goose said as she rose and headed for the door.

She stopped and looked back to see Erica still sitting on the bed, with her head down.

"Oh, by the way."

"Yes?" she replied, looking up.

"Rebel just got back. She's in the infirmary, but should be ready to resume her duties in a day or two," Mindy added. She laughed all the way back to her place at the mixture of shock and joy she had seen on her now not so hard-assed boss.

***


Rebel opened her eyes to find three expectant faces staring at her. Cloudy, Lou, and Holly had never looked so good.

"She's awake," Cloudy said, smiling radiantly.

"About time, I'm getting tired of taking up her slack," Lou said.

"I don't know, she's kinda cute when she's asl**p." Holly added.

"Fuck the lot of you," Rebel managed.

"Me first!" Holly cried and they all began to laugh.

Rebel was sad to hear that the new girl hadn't made it, but she was delighted to know the rest had. They talked about the mission, how Cloudy had earned enough kills to become an ace and about how Lou had managed to get her beat up ship back.

Rebel tired quickly and soon a large and grave nurse dispersed her visitors with the admonishment that her patient was too tired to get excited like this.

When she came to again, the only one in the room with her was the Boss.

"Glad you made it home in one piece," she said, by way of greeting.

"Thanks," Rebel said, not knowing what else to say.

When the silence became awkward the Boss suddenly said, "Well, get better," and hurriedly left.

Rebel wondered what in the hell that had been about.

***


Erica was drinking again, heavily. She didn't even look up when Goose, Surfer and Lucky strolled in and joined her at the table. Bel came over, assessed the situation and, like most sane people would, dropped off their drinks and made himself scarce.

"Gonna tell us about it, Boss, or do we have to beat it out of you?' Lucky cracked.

She looked up then, but smiled. It was a sad smile, but Goose was glad to see it wasn't a self pitying one.

"Texas Thunder just returned from the raid on the planet," she said quietly.

The others looked down at their drinks and for a while it was a very somber table.

"Look Boss, I know it isn't pretty, but it's war. They'd do the same or worse to our people if we let them," Surfer said.

"I know. I accept it, but that doesn't mean I have to like it," Erica said.

"We lose anyone?" Goose asked.

"No, the Hawthorn and Graves did an outstanding job with the prepatory bombardment. Not a single defense installation survived. It was a cake walk."

"So why ya here?" Lucky asked.

"It's private."

"Talked to Rebel yet?" Surfer asked.

Erica's head came up sharply, but all three were smiling.

"Damnit, Goose," she said half-heartedly.

"Don't blame me, I already tried and you wouldn't listen, so I enlisted more troops," the blonde said with an infectious grin.

"I did listen. I went to see her in the infirmary. I just don't know what to say. Hell, I'm hopeless," she said, killing her drink.

"You went dressed like that?" Lucky asked.

"How else should I dress?"

"Damn, you are in need of help. Getting laid isn't war, boss, you can't order her to fuck you, you've gotta convince her to," Surfer said.

"It's hopeless. I'm over it. Come on, lighten up and drink, I need some cheering up and discussing my lack of a love life isn't helping."

"I don't know Surfer, what do you think? China's?" Lucky said, studying Erica intently.

"I'd think she's more of a Pampered kind of girl," Surfer replied as Erica looked at them in confusion.

"Maybe, you really think she's that femme?" Lucky said, looking doubtfully at her.

"A what?"

"Goose?" Lucky asked, ignoring the Air Boss.

"Doesn't really matter does it? It's more what kinda girl is Rebel after, isn't it?"

"Ya know, you're right," Lucky said.

She and Surfer looked at one another and both blurted out "Pampered" at the same time.

"What are you talking about?" Erica asked.

"She'll need the works," Goose said.

"What the fuck is going on? Am I invisible or something?!"

"I know fuck all about salons," Lucky said.

"Yeah, not my thing either," Surfer said.

"No problem, I'll get Leia on the phone," Goose said, standing up and walking over to the bar.

Erica gave up and poured herself another drink. She was about halfway into it when she noticed Lucky and Surfer were both staring at her.

"What?" she exploded.

"Up," Lucky said.

"Down," Surfer asserted.

The two looked at each other, then as if by magic each pounded her fist into an open palm in unison. On the third time Surfer held her hand flat while Lucky held out two fingers.

"Up."

"Bel!" Erica shouted.

The crippled man made his way to the table.

"What?" he asked.

"Just sit down and talk to me, my officers seem to have lost their collective minds."

He laughed and pulled up a chair, pouring himself a drink. Lucky and Surfer both looked under the table.

"Heels?" Surfer said.

"Flats," Lucky replied.

They again did the little ritual and this time Surfer won.

"Heels," she said.

"What are they doing?" Bel asked.

"Fuck if I know, I told you they'd lost their damned minds," Erica said sourly.

The Goose came back to the table and the three of them huddled briefly, when it broke they all moved to the side of the table Erica was sitting on and grabbed her.

"What the fuck!" she shouted, but they paid no mind, hustling her out of the bar and into the jeep while Bel laughed and waved good-bye.

Surfer and Lucky sat in back with her and held on to her as Goose negotiated the narrow roadways of York. When she reached her destination they all got out and Surfer and Lucky pulled the hesitant Boss along with them, into the building and up the elevator. When Erica saw the shop they were leading her to she dug her heels in, but they easily overpowered her, dragging her in amidst her cursing.

***


Rebel walked out of the infirmary and right into Cloudy's arms. After a hug from the tall girl, they started walking back towards the lifts that would take them down to the flight deck.

They stepped over a temporary covering and taped off area that passed through a shattered bulkhead.

"I saw the damage from the outside, but didn't realize it was this bad." Rebel said.

"The worst damage is above us. All of the quarters for the ship's maintenance crews are depressurized still."

"Christ," Rebel exclaimed, imagining the thousands who must have died.

"Not that bad, all of the maintenance guys are auxiliary damage controlmen. Thank god we were at batlestaions, almost no one was hurt in that hit."

"How long will repairs take?"

"Who knows," Cloudy said with a shrug.

They got onto a lift and started down before she spoke again.

"We'll be jumping tomorrow, regardless of the repair status."

"Why not wait until repairs are done?"

"We're in Trog space. We can't afford to sit still, have to keep them guessing. If we are still sitting here when reinf***ements arrive, we could get trapped."

The lift stopped and they got out. Rebel noticed all the hasty repairs as they made their way towards the squad bay. Techs with welding arcs were locking down huge sections of temporary sheet metal coverings where the armored deck plates had been damaged. Others worked on electrical or hydraulic lines in the fissures created by Trog Naval guns. Some used arc-cutting torches to remove I-beams that had collapsed into the corridor.

The activity was mind boggling, and Rebel wondered just who was coordinating it all. Whoever it was deserved a medal, she thought.

Compared to what she had just seen, the squad bay was calm. It was actually fairly chaotic, with people bouncing around and chatting, but where the corridor seemed to be a hive of activity, the mood here was almost festive.

"What's up?" Rebel asked.

"Big party tonight, we've won a great victory. Everyone is planning on a trip to Bel's," Cloudy replied with a grin.

"Why is everyone still in their flight suits then?"

"We won't stand down 'til the jump. Everyone is on alert 'til then. If they jump into the system before we are ready, it will be up to the fighter wings to keep them at bay until the fleet is ready to move."

Rebel started to speak again, but the PA interrupted her.

"Now hear this, Now hear this, Jump stations. All section officers report jump status, all techs to station, that is all."

"Guess we better get to our stations," Rebel said.

Cloudy laughed and clapped her on the shoulder.

"You don't have a jump station, you're still in the care of the infirmary. Best get to the room and lie down, see you in a bit," she said before hurrying off to her ship.

Rebel sighed and made her way to her room, she climbed up in the bunk and waited for the jump to be over with. She didn't realize how tired she was and was snoring quietly long before the red lights came up.

***


"Stand down from jump operations, I repeat stand down," the PA announced.

Erica looked up from her desk and then back down, filling in the final few blanks on the requisition forms. She hadn't been here long, but it felt like hours. With the ship now in hyperspace, she could turn her pilots loose. Erica walked out of her office and called Tucker over.

"Cut loose your wolves," she said softly, turning before he could reply and retreating to her quarters. Even moving swiftly, she heard the first whoops and hollers as the girls charged the lockers to get out of their flight suits. It was going to be some party tonight at Bel's, she almost wished she were going.

In the quiet of her quarters, she made some tea and fixed herself a bite to eat. She wasn't really hungry, but knew she needed to eat. She was about to lie down with a good book when one of the pink boxes caught her eye. Erica blushed as she remembered where they came from.

"No!"

"Shut up, this for your own good," Lucky admonished as she and Surfer dragged Erica past the scantily clad mannequins and racks of lingerie.

Goose led them into the shop and up to the counter. The saleslady was more than a little taken aback by the shouting, kicking, and cursing that Erica was doing.

"We've brought our friend in to get some things, but she's been drinking, to pluck up her courage you see, unfortunately she's had a little more than we planned on. I hope you don't mind the inconvenience?" Mindy said smoothly.

As she spoke she pulled out her wallet and opened it, revealing the fresh pink of military script. The woman's eyes lit up and whatever reservations she had died on her lips. Citizens of York used Terran standard creds, which were very devalued way out here, but military script was always welcome as it was legislated to hold the same value no matter where in the empire it was used.

Erica had stopped screaming and was looking around now. She had never ventured into such a place, always content to stay with her simple issued underwear. She hadn't owned so much as a pair of panties in over twenty years. Coming up where she had, she hadn't seen any of the fanciful things she was now looking at. Bustiers, camisoles, corsets, frilly garter belts and sexy stockings, robes, nighties, negligees, peignoirs, and peek-a-boo bras. Everything in here was so delicate and decidedly feminine. Despite herself, she began to imagine what she would look like in some of it and how it would feel.

"I think she's getting used to the idea," Goose said, smiling back at Surfer and Lucky.

The rest of the day was a blur, a whirlwind of images. She tried on more clothes than she ever imagined possible. Not just lingerie, they dragged her to dress shops and shoe stores, a hairdresser and salon.

And now you're letting your fears get the worst of you and turning all their efforts into a waste, she thought to herself.

Erica turned, but found herself looking back at the boxes. Despite all the trying on, her purchases had been very modest. They would have been even more modest if her instructors had let her plead poverty, but when they started to check their own money she had given up fighting them.

She smiled then, remembering what good friends they were and appreciating how they were trying to help her. Her face went from a soft smile to a frown and she glanced at the clock. She still had plenty of time to get ready, if she chose to.

"Fuck it," she said out loud, stripping off her blouse as she entered the bathroom.

***


Rebel sat at their normal table. It had kind of become the Black flight table in the same way the instructors claimed the old guard table. There weren't any signs or anything, but Bel knew and he somehow discouraged anyone from taking either of them.

Cloudy was on the dance floor with Cowboy, twirling and laughing happily. She was so graceful and looked so happy. Rebel smiled. It took a few moments to realize she was happy for someone else. Happy for her friend. Rebel considered that, and found there was no jealousy, no envy, she was just happy and that made her smile even more broadly.



She had come along way from Taltos and she had overcome a lot of things. She was an officer now, leader of a group of very fine people whom she was glad to call her friends. She had overcome her bad start in life, her anger, rage and lack of education. She was no longer the consummate outsider, she had a home. And a f****y, she thought, spotting Lou at the bar and Holly at the old guard table with Surfer.

She noticed her drink was empty and was about to go get another when a familiar voice spoke.

"Mind if I have a seat, k**?"

Rebel looked up carefully to find Tucker standing there. He looked out of place in civvies, a tan shirt and blue jeans, but he was smiling for once and she actually smiled back.

"I thought fraternization was frowned upon Sgt. Major?" she replied with a crooked grin.

"So's drinking and fucking, gonna let the regs stop you from those?"

"Nope. Don't give a damn about the regs, you know that," She said with a grin as she kicked a chair out for him.

He sat heavily and signaled to the waitress. She nodded and scurried off.

"You get pretty good service for an NCO," Rebel observed as the waitress returned with a bottle and tumbler.

Tucker tossed a big tip on the girl's tray and opened the bottle, filling his own tumbler and hers.

"You get more by being nice, remember it. You officer pukes get all full of yourselves and forget the little people," he philosophized.

"I take it that means leaving a big tip?"

"Nah. Not always. Cali there, she has two k**s at home. Her husband was killed near the start of this thing, so they'd be..thirteen, f******n maybe a little older. The tips she makes here mean the difference in new clothes for those girls or recycling last year's. She's a proud woman, wouldn't take charity from nobody, but she's in a bad way and doesn't protest too much when you overtip her."

"How do you know all this?"

"I asked"

Rebel said nothing to that and for a long while they drank in silence. Eventually Lou returned to the table and drank with them. When she got up and moved towards the old guard table Rebel looked at the grizzled Sergeant Major.

"Tucker, tell me about the Boss," she said.

"What do you want to know?"

"Everything," she replied with a grin.

To her amazement he returned it.

"That's asking a lot. And there's a lot I don't know or…"

"Or won't say," she finished for him.

He looked at her oddly, for a long time he held her eyes.

"You've grown up."

"Some. Maybe."

"There's a lot I wouldn't tell a rage filled k** that I might be willing to tell a young officer who has her shit together."

"Don't let me fool you, Tucker," Leigh said with a smile as she refilled their glasses.

"I'm not the same person I was when I came here, but I don't have my shit together. I lead my friends out, but I don't know what to do and if I ever lost one…"

"The k** who came in here and couldn't march in step wouldn't have given a rat's ass if she lost 'em all, as long as her own life were spared."

"I was pretty much of a shit, wasn't I?"

"Yeah, but that's why you're an officer now,"

"What do you mean?"

"I mean the service doesn't want thoughtless killing machines. We want those who are able to adapt fast, make decisions and think. You had the most growing up to do when this class arrived, you had come farther in a shorter time than any of the others. The Boss brevetted you because you care, not because you didn't care."

"But, she left Cloudy to die on our first mission! I could never do that!"

"Yes, you can. And one day you will. I like that Indian girl, but she's just one person. You fail your mission, trillions could pay for it. When a mission is entrusted to you, you will make the right call, k**. Believe it or not."

"Well, I need to be going. See ya around, k**," he said, getting up and tossing a handful of script on the table.

Rebel watched him go, wondering what that had been all about. She glanced down as the waitress collected the script.

"Should I leave the bottle, hunny?" she asked.

"Um…Yeah…leave it," Rebel said distractedly. She was watching the entrance, she could almost swear she saw someone peeking around the door frame. Like a k**, but way too tall to be a k**. She wondered if maybe some of the local girls were hoping to sneak in unnoticed. Her first instinct was to tell someone, but then she relaxed.

"I may be all respectable now, but I'm not a snitch," she said to herself with a big grin.

Another peek, a flash of creamy skin, frightened blue eyes and thick blonde hair piled high on her head. It wasn't a k**, not even an older one. Her interest piqued, Rebel turned her chair slightly.

When she stepped into the doorway, Rebel nearly spewed her drink. It was Erica, but she had never seen the Boss look like this. Her dress fell only to mid-thigh, leaving her long legs bare, save for the delicate black stockings. Black strappy heels, matched the small black bag she had slung over her shoulder. The dress was blue. Not just any blue, but a royal blue that was almost purple it was so deep. It had a scoop neck, which showed off the boss's cleavage, and a cinched bodice that nipped her waist allowing the swing skirt to flair out, giving the illusion of wider hips. Her hair was up and Rebel couldn't fathom the changes a little make up made to her face.

The face was the most arresting part, that and the eyes. She wasn't confident now or in control, she was scared. That same fetching shy-scared that she had been when Rebel asked her to dance that night, a lifetime ago. Her neck was long, elegant, and she wore a black choker that seemed designed to draw the eye to the nape of her neck, where an antique silver silhouette hung.

Rebel felt her mouth go dry and her heart was hammering in her temples. A knot of desire tightened in her tummy with each passing second.

Biting her lower lip, the boss seemed to make a decision. She glided across the floor towards the old guard table, her steps deliberate, but no less sexy. The heels gave her ass a delicious sway Rebel had never noticed before and she felt a queer feeling in her boxers. She moved her legs and a kind of squishing feeling let her know she was aroused to a degree she never would have though possible from a few seconds staring.

She watched as the boss sat down and Bel brought her a drink. Everyone at the table was acting normally, at least she thought they were, until Rebel noticed that Holly was staring and not talking.

"At least I'm not going crazy," she said to herself and took another swallow of her drink.

Cloudy and Cowboy returned to her table and soon Lou joined them. The bar was packed, it seemed everyone was out celebrating, and Rebel was f***ed to fend off multiple requests to dance. Lou was less successful, her innate kindness made it hard for her to say no and hurt the asker's feelings.

After about the tenth dance she returned to the table and collapsed in her chair, fanning herself.

"Goodness, I'm knackered," she said, grabbing up a stein and draining it.

When she put it down, she looked at the ceiling and groaned.

"Oh, bollocks!"

Cloudy followed her eyes and saw yet another fellow approaching the table.

"Dran, Why don't you and Lou go out and have a smoke?" Cloudy said quickly.

"Come on Lou Lou, let's beat it before they get here," the dashing pilot said and grabbed her hand. They were out the door in a flash and something in Cloudy's stare convinced the fellow he wouldn't have much luck with her or Rebel.

"Didn't know Lou smoked," Rebel said.

"She doesn't," Cloudy remarked as she lit her own cigarette and deeply inhaled.

Rebel said nothing, her eyes returning again and again to the old guard table and the Boss.

"Enchanting," Cloudy said, snapping Rebel's head around.

"What?"

"I said, the Boss is enchanting. Never figured her for the frilly type."

"Yeah. Always figured her for the masculine kind, like Lucky and Surfer."

"Something tells me you aren't disappointed," Cloudy remarked.

"What the hell is that supposed to mean?" Rebel said, only half joking.

"It means I think you have the hots for the commander and I don't think you know what to do about it."

"What gave you that idea?"

"Which? That you want to jump old tight ass's bones or that you don't know what to do about it?" Cloudy asked with a smile.

"Both, either. Hell, I don't know."

"Come on, Leigh, you're my best friend on this crate and you know I'm not prejudiced. Lou's sl**ping with Lucky and Holly's getting fucked by Surfer haven't changed my opinions of them."

"Didn't realize Lou and Lucky had a thing going," Rebel commented, still avoiding the unspoken question.

"Sure you didn't. Bet you didn't know you talk in your sl**p either."

"You're shitting me!" Rebel exclaimed.

"Not normally, but you did when they put you under. I was with you the whole night after you crash landed and you said…some interesting things."

"Fuck me running," Rebel said, with a heavy sigh.

She took a long swallow of her drink and even though she didn't smoke she nabbed one of Cloudy's and lit it, inhaling deeply, then coughing.

"It's all right, girl. If it means anything, I think you're pretty cute. If I swung that way, I'd be more than willing to take you to bed," the Indian said matter of factly.

"Shit. I wouldn't have a clue what to do."

"Oh come on, I know you're not a virgin."

"No, and yes," Rebel said, taking another drag and managing not to cough.

"Being a virgin is like being pregnant, as Goose would say, you either are or you aren't."

Rebel ignored it. Glanced again at Erica's back and sighed heavily. She wondered if she would regret this, but she felt a powerful need to get it off her chest.

"I've never told you much about my homeworld, have I?"

"No," Cloudy said, refilling both their glasses from the last of Tucker's bottle.

"Know what a hive world is?"

"I've heard of them, some kind densely populated manufacturing world aren't they?"

"They're hell. Pure and simple hell. People stacked on top of each other, literally row upon row of ten by ten cells to house a whole f****y, rising so high that the upper ones have to be pressurized. Everyone is a faceless, personalityless cog. You work in twelve hour shifts, on twelve off twelve, day in and day out. No time off, no breaks when on."

She paused and wet her lips.

"Alcoholism is endemic. d**g abuse, the norm. Women have c***dren and don't even bother to report 'em, much less register them. Most don't live to see working age anyway. Life is short and brutish. **** is the way most girls lose it. It just happens, men who don't care anymore lose any sense of shame. The bio guys clear dead bodies out of the corridors by the thousands every day, at least a quarter are suicides."

"Damn," Cloudy said, visibly moved.

"You either join the faceless throngs or you go solo, like I did. Stealing your meals and living below the Authority's radar. It's some better, hell, it's worlds better, but I didn't realize how bad even that was 'til I got here."

She took another drag, stubbed out the cig and lit another. Cloudy seemed to realize she needed to talk and just lent a sympathetic ear.

"You learn to cope. No one has your best interest at heart, everyone is scamming off everyone else. I thought I had friends before I met you guys, now I know I didn't have a clue what friendship was. It isn't about using someone, it's about being there for them, not taking their strength, but sharing their joy. I was worse than any whore, I slept with my boyfriend because he offered me the best protection. I've never loved anyone, and I've never touched anyone with intent to just make them feel good, with no ulterior motive. So you see, I'm no virgin, but I'm less experienced with love than your average twelve year old."

"It's good, Reb," Cloudy said simply.

"What is?"

"Loving someone. I can't give you directions, but I can tell you this. You're a good person, your past isn't you anymore. You have a lot of love to give to the right girl. You came here and you learned to be a friend, it's not so different learning to be a lover. It's up to you of course, but if you are half the person I think you are, you'll go over there and ask her to dance."

"I did once," Rebel said quietly.

The Indian woman picked up her cigs and put them in her tunic pocket. She killed her drink in a gulp and stood in one fluid motion.

"I know," she said simply, before moving into Dran's arms and dragging him back to the dance floor.

Lou sat, but was gone in a minute when the next guy asked her to dance. Rebel sat and pondered all that Cloudy had said or more precisely, the things she had left unsaid. She glanced back at Erica's back, snorted, killed her drink and stood to take the longest walk of her young life.

***


Bad ideas seemed to be her lot in life, Erica thought. At least for tonight. It had started with the decision to go ahead and go out. The lilac scented bath gel and shampoo had been all right, but from there it had all been downhill. Who would have guessed a combination cincher and garterbelt would be that hard to get on? Her rational mind knew it had so tenaciously refused to comply with her tugs because her skin had still been slightly damp, but still, the thing was a damned nuisance. And stockings, oh lord, she didn't even want to get started remembering that struggle. The back seams never did line up exactly right.

The satin thong had provided its own surprises, the soft material had caressed her mound while the back felt like she was flossing her butt. It really became a problem when she pulled on the half slip and felt the cool silk on her bare cheeks. Between it and the thong she could add growing sexual arousal to her tally of problems. The demi bra was really beautiful, but having the tops of her breasts bare made her feel like she was falling out of her dress and she kept tugging it up, even though it was perfectly fitted.

Clip earrings or heels? Did her feet hurt worse or her ears? The jury was still out. The dress itself was a problem, making her feel open and exposed and very vulnerable. And the hair, putting it up had nearly driven her to just skip the night out and go straight for the bottle of scotch Admiral Harris had given her.

Now she was sitting here feeling perfectly ridiculous, afraid to move because every time the thong pulled tight across her mound she had to bite back a moan and everyone was acting like it was normal.

Goose looked at her and gave her a wink and despite herself and her woes, she smiled. At least she wasn't having to fend off dance partners like poor Holly and Lou had. Seated between Surfer and Lucky, their combined scowls had turned the bravest back.

Now they were all gone, everyone was out on the floor. The DJ had taken a break and apparently loaded some slow songs as his last words had been this is for all the couples out there. The lights had dimmed and one by one her tablemates had slipped off to the floor.

She hunched deeper into her chair as she heard footsteps coming up behind her. Despite being the Air Boss, she didn't feel up to fending off anyone's advances.

***




'Crazy, this is crazy,' her mind said, but her body continued to shuffle towards the table.

She stopped directly behind Erica and just stared, her courage failing her.

'Say something you idiot,' her mind screamed.

"Boss?"

At the sound of her voice Erica's stiff body became fluid and she whirled in the chair. Her face was beautiful, radiant and yet, the eyes were shy and she could sense there was some inner struggle taking place. Her eyes darted to the scoop neck and the hint of the valley between the boss's breasts. She looked good enough to eat and at the same time, vulnerable and in need of protection. The thought was silly, this woman was one of the deadliest pilots Rebel had ever seen, but she felt it nonetheless.

"Yes?" she finally said.

Rebel blushed when she realized she had been standing there, just staring.

"I…I mean…Oh fuck it, would you like to dance with me?" she ended lamely.

Erica brushed a stray lock of blonde hair from her face and smiled softly.

"I thought you'd never ask," she whispered.

She rose and for the barest instant tottered before her wonderful reflexes and sense of balance came back. She blushed and looked at the floor.

"Sorry, I'm not used to heels."

"You should wear them more often," Rebel said as she took her hand and led her to the floor.

Rebel turned, looked left and right at the people near them and hesitantly put her hands around the commander's trim waist. Erica rested her arms on Rebel's shoulders and they slowly began to rock in each other's arms.

Heaven? Perhaps not, but having Erica in her arms had to be damned close to it. She was so soft, so warm, and she smelled so good. Rebel pulled her tighter, until they were pressed against one another. She fancied she heard a small sigh of contentment, but couldn't be sure.

Time lost all meaning. The world around them faded from her consciousness, there was only the scent, the sound, and the sensation of the woman in her arms. How long that went on, she would never know.

"Coming back to the table or are you going to just stand here all night?" Lucky said, while clapping her hand on Rebel's shoulder. The music was back to a roaring thumping crash and couples were leaving the floor as the singles crowded back onto it. Rebel blushed and led Erica back to the table, she held out her chair for her and once she was seated, Rebel started to turn away.

"Where the hell are you going?" Surfer asked.

"Yeah, pull up a chair you dipshit," Lucky added.

She was d***k and way too loud, but Rebel decided to ignore the insult. She looked for a chair, but there wasn't an empty one near them.

"Why don't you sit in the Boss's and she can sit in your lap?" the Goose said in a mild tone.

Erica stood and Rebel sat, then nearly lost it when Erica smoothed her skirt and demurely settled into her lap. At first Rebel sat stiffly and kept her hands on the arms of the chair, but as the night wore on she found them wrapped around Erica's trim waist and thrilled when she snuggled back against her.

One by one, the place thinned out. Erica was snuggled against her and slowly, the air boss's head settled onto Rebel's shoulder. Lucky, Surfer, Bel and the Goose were telling war stories and Rebel listened to them with astonishment.

"A safety mechanism?" Lucky asked.

"Yeah. The 21 second delay is a safety feature. You can disable it by disarming the weapon and rearming with your trigger depressed, but why would you? Nine times in ten the FTL going active on launch damages or destroys the fighter."

"I'd rather have it direct fire," Surfer said.

The argument lasted a few minutes and then they moved on to another topic. Rebel said little, just soaking up the incredible feeling of Erica sl**ping in her arms. At last, there were only a few tables in the place still occupied. At them, subdued conversations were still going on.

Lucky threw a giggling Lou over her shoulder and staggered out with Surfer dragging a stumbling Holly behind her and trying to keep up. Bel rose stiffly and took an armful of empties back to the bar with him. Across the table the Goose was watching her intently, with her redheaded girlfriend asl**p in her lap.

"I guess we should be going, too," Rebel said hesitantly.

"Probably, but stay a minute."

"I don't really want to move," Rebel admitted, gently squeezing the woman in her arms and thrilling when she softly murmured and tightened her grip on Rebel's shoulders.



"I didn't think you did. Nothing quite like holding your lady close is there?"

"No, it's like nothing I have ever felt, but it's not like you and your girl."

"Oh?"

"I mean…You're a couple. I'm just…"

"You're just an idiot if you finish that thought," the Goose interrupted.

"I mean…I don't know what to do," she finished with a helpless shrug.

"Have to figure that out for yourself, sport, but I'll give you some advice if you want it."

"Please, I just don't want to screw up again."

"The Boss is a special one. You won't find another like her if you looked for the rest of your life. Were I you, I'd take her back to her room and do my damndest to make her mine, before someone else comes along."

"Goose, I don't even know how two women…I mean…"

"Don't matter none. We were all new at it once. A very wise woman told me before my first time to just do it, you'll figure it out, I'm passing that on to you."

She leaned across the table and locked eyes with Leigh.

"Just do it Rebel. If you don't, you'll regret it forever. And so will she."

With that, the thin blonde stood carrying her girl up and kissing her awake. Rebel stood gingerly, helping Erica gain her feet.

"Oh, I'm so sorry, I must have fallen asl**p," she said, blushing.

"No problem, Boss. I've got a jeep if you two need a ride back to the squad bay?"

They piled in and drove back, Goose and her girl in front, Rebel and Erica in back. The Air Boss's head was on her shoulder and she was leaning on Rebel. The short girl could feel Erica's breast against her side and once again marveled at how aroused she was.

The Goose dropped them off and Rebel walked Erica the short distance to her quarters. She turned and they faced one another, the silence stretching out into minutes.

"Well, thanks for the evening, I had a good time," Erica said when the silence became too awkward.

Her hand was on the door and she turned to open it. Seeing the door slide open Rebel realized how close she was to losing the moment. Her indecision was washed away by a galvanizing drive and she pressed forward, pushing Erica back against the door jamb. She had to stand on tip toe, but she did, pressing her lips against the startled woman's.

Everything was riding on that moment and she feared she had gone too far when Erica stiffened. For an agonizing second that held and then her lips parted and her body melted into Rebel's arms.

Rebel knew how to kiss, at least she was on solid ground there she thought, but she realized quickly she was in unfamiliar territory again. She was used to being kissed she realized not kissing. With some trepidation she pushed her tongue out and into the warm, sweet cavern of the boss's mouth.

Erica responded immediately, sucking on her tongue which sent Rebel's bl**d pounding into her temples. She felt a rush and heard a strange roaring in her ears as she gently explored Erica's mouth with her tongue. This deep soul kiss lasted for an indeterminable amount of time before Erica pulled away from her embrace.

"I'm sorry," Rebel blurted, feeling silly and at the same time hurt.

Erica's eyes sparkled and her face was flushed, her chest was heaving and through the soft material Rebel could clearly see her nipples making small tents in the fabric.

"Don't be, please don't be. I've had all the sorry I can take in my life."

"All right, I'm not sorry at all. I wish you hadn't broken that kiss, I could have gone on forever."

"So could I, but not in the doorway, won't you please come in?" she said, blushing again.

Rebel smiled, realizing they had been basically making out in full view of the squad bay. This was going to be a strange relationship, one that would be hard to hide. She wasn't even sure if she wanted to hide it, but she would do whatever it took to win this woman. She stepped in and ran her hand over the touch pad, causing the door to slide closed.

They stood, staring at one another with hunger in their eyes and confusion on their faces. Rebel realized she would have to make the move. Erica was all lady now, soft, vulnerable and shy. The problem was she didn't know what to do. The absurdity of it made her chuckle and then laugh.

"What?" Erica asked with the most adorable, confused smile.

"This is so funny, you, me, this. I mean, I want to take you, but have no idea how and you look to be as lost as I am."

"It's my first time with a woman," Erica said, blushing furiously.

"Mine, too."

They stared at each other again and then both began to nervously giggle. Rebel looked at her and shrugged, holding her hands out.

"Maybe we should call Goose and get some expert advice," Erica teased.

"Fuck it," Rebel growled, scooping her taller lover up and carrying her to the bed.

She gently placed her on it and then fell on top of her. Their lips sought each other out and they resumed the deep kiss. Her tongue gently explored Erica's mouth, finding the taste of her drinks and a sweetness that was all her own. Rebel didn't know what to do with her hands. She could feel the soft swelling of the Boss's breasts and wanted to touch them, far more than she had ever wanted to touch Holly's and that obsession had been very strong, but she was afraid of going to far or too fast. She kept her hands on the bed, resting her weight on her elbows and kissed her love.

Eventually the temptation grew too great and Rebel eased her hand along Erica's side and gently squeezed her left breast. The blonde sighed into her mouth and arched her back a little. Her skin felt warm through the thin material and her breast was tantalizingly soft, yet resilient. Rebel squeezed again, marveling at how good it felt. After a few more gentle squeezes, she felt the hard nipple pressing into her palm.

A strange fascination seized her and she found herself obsessed with seeing them. Still kissing, she slipped her hands behind the commander's back and found the zipper to her dress. Erica pushed her shoulders down into the mattress, raising her back and making it easy to pull the zipper down. Rebel tried to lift it off her shoulders without breaking the kiss, but it just didn't work and eventually she was f***ed to raise herself up on her elbows.

The Boss was flushed, but helped and soon the dress was down and her midriff was bare. Her heavy breasts were encased in the light blue satin demi-bra and Rebel felt her breath catch in her throat. They were not as big or as full as Holly's, but beautifully formed and on the commander's frame, seemed even larger. Rebel hesitantly placed a finger on one and traced around it, causing Erica to gasp. Rebel moved her hands to her lover's shoulders and gently lifted the straps off, peeling the satin down and exposing Erica's tits.

Erica's nipples were small and pink, the aureoles barely the size of a bottle cap. These were puckered and the dainty nipples were standing out from the surrounding flesh. Rebel lowered her head and sucked one into her mouth. She rolled her tongue around it and gently nipped as she sucked. Erica moaned and her hand came to rest on Rebel's head.

The ex-thief pushed her face into the valley between them, reveling in the soft, satiny skin on her cheeks. She licked along the valley, coating it with her saliva, before moving up and sucking the other nipple into her mouth. For along time she alternated between the two, loving the feel and slightly salty taste of her lover's skin. Erica moaned and occasionally gasped, but she seemed totally willing to let Rebel dictate the pace of their lovemaking. At no time did she try to direct the young pilot's mouth to a specific location or urge her to go faster.

The change in her personality was so strange to Rebel, even as she enjoyed the tactile sensations she just couldn't help but marvel at it. This woman was a leader of men and one of the most skilled pilots in the fleet. Every day she took charge, made decisions that affected lives and did what had to be done, with no regard to the cost to herself. Yet here in this bed she was utterly feminine, soft, sensual, and u*********sly sexy. There was nothing of the hard driving career officer in her. Painfully shy and marvelously soft and pliant. She could have been no different if she had been two separate people, but Rebel realized what made her so special was that she was just one person with two different sides to her personality.

Rebel stayed there, working on those soft, wonderful breasts, not sure where to go next, until her poor lover was tossing her head and babbling softly. She could feel Erica's hips, jogging gently beneath her and knew she must be going crazy, but Rebel was still not sure enough of her self to strike out into totally unfamiliar territory.

"Oh… Oh….oh…Rebel…I'm…I'm…I'm going to cum!" she gasped as her body jerked and twitched. Rebel felt so good she wanted to shout as she watched Erica coo and moan through her orgasm.

She became aware of a strange odor in the air. Musky and at the same time sweet. Realizing what it was Rebel decided she was going for it, like the Goose had told her, and slid down her lover's supine body, dragging the dress with her. Once it was off her feet, Rebel let it fall to the floor and her eyes locked onto the light blue thong. It was darker in places and clearly showed the Boss's arousal. With trembling hands, Rebel hooked her fingers into the thin sides and pulled it down as Erica raised her hips.

Even though she was dying to see Erica's pussy, her eyes were drawn immediately to the number tattooed on Erica's hip. It was in the same place and the same color as the one Rebel wore. Apparently Tucker hadn't been lying. Ripping her mind from such depressing thoughts she concentrated on her lover's sex.

Erica's mound was fat and fleshy, capped with a neatly groomed triangle of golden fleece. Her coral colored lips gaped open, revealing the brighter pink of her inner folds. Her opening was visible and a pearly ooze of her love juices had collected near the bottom of it.

Rebel had never viewed another woman's pussy close up and she found herself in an almost trancelike state as she leaned closer to Erica's. That drop of cream seemed to hold special fascination and before she was really sure what she was doing, she scooped it up on her finger and held it close to her nose. The strong aroma of Erica's arousal was enough to make sniffing useless and Rebel almost absently closed her lips over her finger.

The explosion of flavor in her mouth was unexpected, combining both sweet and musky into an earthy taste that seemed to excite all her taste buds. She lowered her face to Erica's sex and wrinkled her nose as the strong scent overpowered everything else, but she closed her eyes and stuck out her tongue, tentatively swiping the damp flesh.



More of that strangely addictive flavor, plus the tactile stimulation of velvety soft slipperiness. Rebel began to lap like a kitten, enjoying the sensation and the added bonus of Erica's gasps and moans.

Her body suddenly tensed and she rose to an almost sitting position before flinging herself back onto the bed and screeching. Her body arched and her hips were frantically bouncing, but Rebel locked her arms around her lover's trim waist and went on lapping at her quivering sex.

"Ewwwwwwwww….Fuck!" she cried, as the grimace on her face gave way to a beatific smile.

She was panting and tossing her head as Rebel continued doing exactly what she was doing, loving the reactions and reveling in the power trip of making her feel so good.

"Please…please…please baby," she groaned as she threw her arm over her forehead.

A few more breathless pleas and she came again, crying out like some feral a****l as the pleasure ripped through her.

"Rebel…please…you're killing me…" she begged.



Rebel reluctantly ceased what she was doing and slithered back up Erica's damp body. When she kissed her she half expected her not to, since Rebel knew her face was coated in her juices, but Erica kissed back passionately and hugged her so fiercely she could barely breathe.

When she had recovered, her delicate hands began plucking at Rebel's clothing. Rebel helped where she could and soon was as naked as the day she was born. She lay back and watched with some amusement as Erica's face went through the same emotions she was sure her own displayed.

Erica's soft warm tongue caused shivers of pleasure as it grazed her lips and shocks of pleasure when it found her clit. Rebel enjoyed the orgasm that followed, but she knew in her heart she was spoiled now. Nothing would ever feel so good as making her baby cum. Her own orgasms just couldn't compare.

***


"Report," the Captain ordered.



"Alpha-five. Preliminary scans indicate one M class planet and one hundred thirty-one ships."

"Sound battlestations, get the fighters to their launch stations," he said.

Rebel didn't need to hear general quarters. Lying in Erica's bed with her arm around her lover's waist, the screaming Klaxon was the last sound in the world she needed to hear. Erica looked like she felt the same way. There was no way around it, they both threw on trousers and blouses and ran out towards the lockers.

As usual, the flight deck was pandemonium. None saw them both leaving the Boss's quarters, they just came pounding into the lockers to find girls in varying states of dress and undress. Rebel wanted to kiss her, or at least hug her, but their lockers were far apart and there was just no way to manage a hug without everyone seeing.

With the Boss now too far away to intoxicate her, Rebel's mind cleared some and her fingers began the automatic process of donning the skintight flight suit. She was ready before most of them and in the cockpit well before anyone else. Rebel was fast, but it was obvious everyone was moving a little slower today. She wondered how many of them were hung over.

The tech used her batons to direct her onto Catapult two. She settled in and waited, knowing it might be a while before launch.

On the internal band, the one they used preflight, Erica's voice crackled.

"Who's on the cats?"

"Red on one," the redheaded leader of the Rowdies, called.

"Rebel on two."

"Cloudy on Three."

"Lou on ready alert."



"Roger. We have about five minutes, Red, give up Cat one. Jugs get over there. Black flight will launch first."

"Roger," both Red and Jugs replied in unison.

"Ginger, Cobra, Phantom and Copper, form on me. You girls are now in Boss flight," Erica called.

Rebel frowned and reached up to touch her throat mike before pulling her hand away. Telling the Air Boss on an open channel she shouldn't be flying was probably not very bright, she chided herself. Lover or no, she was still the Air Boss and still the best pilot Rebel had ever seen. Still, the thought of that tall, soft body protected from harm only by the thin armor and shields of a fighter unnerved her.

If she had her way she would make her pretty lover go hide in one of the civilian shelters in York, they were the safest places on the ship. It was thinking this that triggered the first epiphany of her life. Nothing would ever be the same for her. For the first time in her eighteen years, she had something to lose and it frightened her.

She felt the hyperspace jolt this time, her body now more attuned to the ship and the suppressors.

"Launch!" the command came and she hit the red button.

She was barely in space when the Cap officer came over her tac net.

"Black leader, this is CAP, how are you armed?"

"Two oxyl torpedoes."

"Thank god, take your flight and follow this vector. Four hostile cruisers at seventy thousand clicks and closing at flank speed"

"Roger, Black flight, form on me, arm torpedoes and accelerate to attack speed."

Rebel activated her torpedoes as she eased the thrust up to attack speed. She no longer had to worry about where her people were, if one of them wasn't in position, Rebel knew she would let her know.

"Paint targets," she said while her ship pitched and bucked as it passed through a missile barrage.

"Scopes."

The red numbers were falling fast. She saw no fighters, which was fortunate, as they had no fighter cover. When the numbers went green, she launched her torpedo and pulled up. She rode out the after effects and leveled out, checking the sensors to make sure everyone was with her.

"Rebel, this is Goose. Come to oh four seven and link up with the Goslings. We've got another group of cruisers closing."

"Roger," Rebel called, banking sharply until her heading indicator was on oh four seven.

Black flight and the Goslings formed up, Mindy immediately assuming command, since she was senior. They started their long attack run on a pair of massive ships, two of the new super ships.

"Boss flight, form on me, accelerate to attack speed." Erica called.

Two screams rang out over the net, followed by the Boss cursing.

"God damnit, where's my fighter cover?"

"Destroyed," the cap officer called.

"There's too many of them for just the three of us! Vector me some fighters."

"None available."

"Hang on Boss, I'm coming!" Rebel shouted, reaching to disengage her targeting scope.

"Negative, I just lost Phantom and Cobra, stay on your attack run."

So cold. Those words meant her death and she knew it. Rebel heard Tucker's words, when the time comes, you'll do the right thing.

"The fuck I will!" she shouted, disengaging her targeting scope and banking hard out of line.

"Goslings, arm secondary torpedoes," the Goose called.

"God damnit, Boss, you stay alive. I'm coming!" she shouted, blinking the tears from her eyes and jamming the throttle to full.

"Too many of them, you'll never get here in time. Stay on your attack run," she called, and then went silent.

With the speed of thought Rebel had her HUD lock onto the Boss and magnify. One hundred thousand clicks, she was alone with at least fifteen fighters swarming around her.

The one on her tail was bracketing her fighter. There was no way Rebel could get there. Desperation dredged up a snippet of the conversation between Goose, Lucky, and Bel at the table last night.

"The 21 second delay is a safety feature. You can disable it by disarming the weapon and rearming with your trigger depressed, but why would you? Nine times in ten the FTL going active on launch damages or destroys the fighter."

Rebel didn't hesitate. She thought she would only use this if she ever got in a spot where she had nothing to lose. The irony of it wasn't lost on her that she took such a great risk now because she had everything to lose.

When it came back up, the small screen noted safety interlock disabled. The weapon glowed a baleful blue on her stores list, rather than the usual red.

"Boss, come to one eight oh," Rebel ordered.

"No dice, Rebel, he'll…"

"Just do it, god damnit!" she screamed.

Eighty thousand clicks, her targeting reticule appeared. Rebel led the target just a little, hoping against hope that she was right about the flight time. The boss's ship leveled out on one eight zero and the Trog fighter closed for the kill.

"No," she mouthed and depressed the trigger, pulling the stick violently to the left and slamming her foot down on the tail rudder.

The torpedo went active immediately, closing the distance in an instant. The Trog fighter wasn't big enough to trigger the release of energy, but it wasn't enough to stop it either. The torpedo carried on reaching the speed of light and blazing like a miniature star as it left the system and plowed on into the endless night of the interstellar void. The fighter simply ceased to exist, some particles joining the mass of the torpedo, others flying off in all directions.

"Hang on, Boss," Rebel called, tracking onto one of the fighters. She quickly keyed up a copperhead and sent it off, followed in seconds by its mate.

It was hopeless of course, even with her reflexes and Erica's skill, the odds were just too great. Still, as the distance closed and she switched to primary weapons, Rebel was at peace.

At ten thousand meters she keyed her PPCs, the blue-white arcs pouring into a Trog fighter that broke apart under the onslaught. She broke on another that was lining up on Erica's crippled fighter.

"Fuck you," she said as she ripped it to shreds with her PPCs.

Another was coming head on. It was a common Trog tactic; they had discovered humans cared if they lived or died. The idea was the human pilot would flinch first and break, allowing the Trog to get an easy shot. Rebel however, knew she was going to die and wasn't about to give him the satisfaction. She depressed the trigger and flew right at him, guns blazing. The PPCs found the range and the Trog fighter exploded in a spray of debris. She passed through them, crossing Erica's back trail and several broke off to engage her.

Her ship rocked as plasma cannon bracketed her, but no maneuvering could shake the pilot who was quickly wearing down her shields. An alarm screamed and she snapped it off, watching as her rear shields flared and went black on her tactical screen. The next shot would burn through her armor, the one after that would finish her.

She turned her head, looking over her shoulder to see it. Curiously, she wasn't afraid to die. She had never felt so serene. The Trog fighter lined up on her as she quit juking and prepared for the kill. It suddenly shuddered and blew apart as a scream of "Yee-haw!" came over her net. Cloudy's fighter flashed though the debris and broke hard onto another target.

Lou came in below her and took out two fighters with missiles. She executed a flying S to track onto a third. Jugs flashed across the axis of one, peppering it with shell fire and blasted another off the boss's tail in the same pass.

Surprise and joy mingled with wonder and a warmth in her chest that defied description.

"Join the fun, Rebel, before they're all gone!" Cloudy called.

In no time the small corner of the huge battle was empty of Trog fighters. Rebel closed up on Erica's crippled fighter and matched speed with it. The rest of Black Flight formed a protective arc around the two damaged ships.

"You all right, Rebel?" Lou asked.

"Yeah, thanks to you guys," she said solemnly.



"All for one and one for all," Holly said, giggling.



"We were with you all the time, where you go, we follow," Cloudy said.

"To the end," Lou added

***




The battle was over well before they got back to the ship. The boss, being in the worst shape, landed first followed by Rebel and her, the rest of the flight. Rebel taxied her damaged ship to its place and killed the engines. She sighed heavily and gratefully let the techs help her unhook and climb out. Plasma had scorched the armor in several places, leaving deep gouges with edges that looked like liquid where the molten armor immediately hardened in the cold vacuum of space.

"Take good care of her, Connie," Rebel said to the crew chief.

"You take better care of her and I won't have so much to fucking do," the brassy redhead replied.

Rebel smiled and walked across the hanger towards the lockers, but she saw the boss standing there waiting for her. She knew an ass chewing was coming, if not demotion and brig time. She didn't care. Just seeing Erica alive and in one piece made any price worth it.

"Lieutenant…" the Air Boss started.

Rebel didn't let her finish. Wrapping an arm around her waist and the other around her shoulder, Rebel quickly dipped her backwards, kissing her deeply. Erica stiffened for a heartbeat, and then kissed back with so much passion it took Rebel's breath away. Her arms tangled around the short girl's shoulders, fiercely hugging her.

Rebel heard applause breaking out all over the bay, followed by hoots and cat calls. It should have embarrassed her, but it didn't. The choir celestial would have sounded no nicer to her. She loved this tall woman and now that she had her, she was never letting go.

***


Erica leaned on the table in the darkened conference room, staring out the picture window as Texas Thunder formed up and headed towards the planet with three heavy cruisers. She heard the door slide open, but didn't turn.

She felt long arms wrap around her and a chin come to rest on her shoulder. Nothing was said for a long time.

"I wish this wasn't part of it," she said at last.

"War is hell," Rebel responded simply.

"Perhaps. But what are we becoming?"

"We are what we are, baby."

"And what's that?" she said, perhaps a little too harshly.

"You're a human being and a woman. And you are in for a serious fucking," she added, playfully nipping Erica's ear.

"Oh, I am, am I?" Erica replied.

Rebel didn't respond immediately, but her hands slipped to Erica's hips and she pulled the tall woman's ass tightly against her pelvis. Erica gasped when she felt the hard bulge there press into her soft ass.

"Damn right, you are. Present from Lucky and Surfer," Rebel said with her crooked grin.

"Those two," Erica said shaking her head.

"Awww, come on, they just want us to be happy."

"They want you keeping me well fucked and agreeable is what you mean," Erica replied archly.

Rebel scooped her up, into her arms and carried her out of the conference room and down the long hall.

Human. It was really the only word that described them, in all their strength and frailty. She was human. She was a woman. She was about to be well fucked. She doubted anyone could ask for more.

****END****... Continue»
Posted by kap007 9 months ago  |  Categories: Voyeur  |  Views: 1005  |  
100%
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A DEAL

Sue Anderson walked into the bedroom to get ready for bed. She knew that it would not be long before Jim, her husband, would be in to join her. She had left him watching the news while she got ready for bed. She had given him a nice little wiggle as she left the room just to get his interest aroused. Her 19-year-old son, Tim, also observed the wiggle she gave her husband as she left the room. What she didn't know was the effect it had on him.

She stood in front of the full-length mirror to undress. She liked looking at herself each time she dressed or undressed. Sue was 39 years old and they had been married for 20 years. She was 5'7" and weighed about 120 pounds, only 3 pounds more that when she first married. She had beautiful breast that were high on her chest and never needed a bra, which was a good thing since she hadn't worn one since right after her wedding. Her figure was one many women a lot younger than her would have been proud of. Both Jim and Tim were proud of the way she looked. None of the others in Tim's class had a mother that looked half as good.

As the shirt came off the cool air from the open window made her nipples stand up hard and stiff. She slid off the tight jeans, which was her standard dress, and brought her tiny bikini panties with them. She turned, as she usually did, and faced the window. From the first night of her marriage until now the window was never closed, Jim wanted it that way. She was later to find out that it was a f****y tradition. Jim had watched his mother while he was growing up and Sue was pretty sure that Tim was taking the same opportunity to watch her. Not that she had ever tried to keep him from see her nude, since they went swimming nude anytime no one else was around.

Jim was a good lover and he tried to please her every time they made love. Sue liked her sex and had always wanted it anytime day and night. There were very few days that went by without having sex one way or the other. Sex was a big part of their lives and Jim never passed her without coping a feel. This resulted in her constant awareness of sex. Lately Tim had found more and more excuses to touch her. She didn't think Jim had noticed but she had and it really didn't bother her that much. She liked for men to notice her.

As she stood in front of the window caressing her body she wondered if Tim was enjoying the view. She remembered back almost 20 years ago standing in front of this same window. She had only been married about 4 months and Jim was out of town, a trip to purchase cattle for the ranch. He had been gone a week already and would be gone for 2 more. She was horny and missed him already. This was the first time they had been apart since the wedding. They had moved in with Gus, Jim's father, soon after the honeymoon. Gus and Jim were partners on the ranch. The ranch was pretty well isolated from everyone else. It was 5 miles to town and 2miles to the nearest neighbor. Jim's mother died a few months before they married and now the three of them lived here together.

Sue rolled over and stretched. She pulled the cover up and wished she could stay in bed a while longer. She hadn't slept much the night before, she kept thinking of Jim and how she wished he were lying between her thighs. She hadn't been this long without sex since her wedding night.

She was a virgin when they married but Jim was very skilled and he took his time with her. By the time their 2-week honeymoon was over he had introduced her to many different ways to please your partner. She was a willing student and didn't resist anything he introduced. She knew from the first night that sex was one thing that she was really going to like. Jim was a tall man, 6'3", and weighed about 200 pounds and in wonderful shape. What she didn't know, since she had never seen a naked man was just how well he was endowed. Had she known that he was so much bigger than most other men were she would probably have been afraid. All she knew was how much she liked what he did to her. She never questioned him as to how he became so skilled.

Sue finally rolled out of bed because she could hear Gus already stirring around and knew she had to get him breakfast. The cool air hit her nipples and made them stand out. She always slept in the nude because Jim wanted it that way. Also, she was missing her usual morning sex.

She dressed in her usual tight jeans and shirt that was only buttoned with a couple of buttons and tied in a knot under her magnificent breast. A pair of boots completed her outfit. She pulled her long hair that came down below her shoulders up into a ponytail making her look even younger than her 20 years.

She knew that she looked good dressed like this and at first she was nervous about dressing this way around Gus. It wasn't hard to see that she wasn't wearing a bra and her ass certainly filled out the jeans in the right places. Jim liked her to dress this way and didn't mind his father taking in the view. All of them were pretty open around each other. Jim would be sneaking a feel of her tits or ass and Gus would walk in. He wouldn't even bother to stop what he was doing. At first this bothered her but she soon got use to it and just laughed when they would get caught.

As time went by even Gus would sneak a feel. At first she didn't know what to make of his actions. She even mentioned to Jim that his father was touching her from time to time. He just laughed it off and said, "What man could resist feeling a woman that looked as hot as she did." She didn't mind and really enjoyed the contact; she just didn't want Jim to get pissed off at his father. She knew that Gus had not been with any woman since his wife died and was probably just horny. She liked Gus so she let him continue the little game, if Jim didn't mind she sure didn't. From that time on she dressed to please both Jim and Gus. She knew that Gus had seen her naked on more than one occasion.

Gus and Jim were built alike, both about the same size and looked a lot alike. They could have been b*****rs rather than father and son. Sue didn't know just how well Gus was in endowed but he sure had a nice bulge in his jeans. Seeing the bulge in his jeans usually sent her looking for Jim.

She was putting breakfast on the table when Gus walked into the room. Her back was turned to him so she could not see him watching her. Gus as usual liked what he saw. He thought "I can't wait to get in-between those legs and bury my cock in her to my balls". The thought mad him horny and his cock came to life. Sue turned and realized he had been staring at her for sometime. She could not stop her eyes from dropping down to his erection. The bulge in his pants left little doubt as to what he was thinking. She could feel her nipples harden and her pussy begins to moist. Jim wasn't around to run to this time.

"Good morning Sue," said Gus as he walked around the table to her. He took her in his arms and gave her a hug and a kiss on the lips. Nothing about this was unusual as he did this each morning. The difference this time was the hug was tighter, the kiss longer and she could feel his tongue touching her lips. He pulled her to him and let his hands rest on her ass. She could feel his cock through his jeans but he didn't back away.

Her knees liked to have buckled when she felt his tongue on her lips and hands on her ass. As always she enjoyed flirting with Gus and before she realized it she had opened her mouth in search of his tongue. It was such a jolt that she felt it all the way to her toes. He was touching her on the bare skin of her stomach, and the results were her cunt was creaming and running down the inside of her thighs.

Gus broke the kiss as if nothing different had happened than other mornings. He said, "the load of cattle would be there about mid morning and he could use some help separating them into different pens."

Sue, still trying to regain her composure said, "I'll be out as soon as the truck gets here. I've got to do some washing first."

She sat down at the table to finish her coffee as Gus left to get ready for the cattle. She was still weak kneed from what had just taken place. She didn't know what she would have done if he had continued to hold and kiss her like that. She was so turned on that she was pretty sure he could have taken any liberties without her stopping him. Those quick little touches had all of a sudden turned into something much more. Where was Jim when she needed him? It was his fault she was so horny. She was use to sex on a regular basis and now she wasn't getting it.

The cattle truck came about mid-morning. They unloaded the cattle into one pen and let the truck get on its way. They then started separating the cattle into different corals. She worked the head catch as Gus ran the cattle through, one at a time, giving them their shots before turning them out to pasture.

The sexual tension between them had been simmering all morning. Both of them were spending more time thinking about what happened at breakfast than the job at hand. He pushed a steer through the gate before Sue had time to lock the gate, and the steer knocked her down. Gus jumped the fence and ran to help her. "Are you alright?"

"Yes, just my pride is hurt and my pants or full of dirt."

As she sat up Gus moved around behind her, reached under her arms and helped her to her feet. When she recovered her footing he slid his hand over her breast and gently squeezes them. Sue was in shock as much from the way she was feeling as from him massaging her breast. Nothing like this had ever happened between them before.

He continued to stroke her breasts he felt her shutter. He released her and stepped back from her. He said, "I see that you are not hurt and nothing is broken. Sorry I let the steer in so quickly."

Sue could hardly speak but did manage a smile and said, "Thinks for the concern and the check over."

The work was finished by mid afternoon and Gus left to drive the older cattle to the north pasture. Sue decided to stop at the swimming hole and rinse off before getting lunch.

The swimming hole was small creek that Gus had dammed up several years before to have a place to swim and cool off after a hot day on the ranch. It wasn't very deep, only about 5', but plenty big enough to swim in. Over the years it had seen a lot of use on the warmer days. Several big oaks offered plenty of shade and there was a picnic table.

Sue sat down and pulled off her boots. She quickly stripped off the rest of her clothes. She enjoyed being out doors in the nude. She and Jim would come down on days Gus was away to skinny dip and make love on the lush green grass. If Gus were with them she would wear her bikini even though Jim tried to get her to skinny dip. She wasn't ready for Gus to see that much of her. It didn't hide much of anything from them anyway. She asked Jim, "Why he wanted her to wear such revealing clothes around his father?"

He said, "you're beautiful and I like to show you off. Besides he gets a lot of enjoyment looking at you."

Doesn't it bother you that he gets turned on and doesn't have any way to get relieved?"

Jim said, "O, he'll find someone one of these days."

Sue walked out into the cool water. In the shallow pool her breast look like they were floating on the water. She swam several laps around the pool. It felt good to get the dirt and grime from the cattle pens off. Her nipples were hard from the cool water and the fact she just could not stop thinking of Gus's hands on them. As she thought about the way he had squeezed them her stomach got a funny feeling deep inside. She shut her eyes and ran her hands over her breast dreaming that it was Gus not Jim touching her. She dropped her hand to her pretty cunt and inserted a finger in her now hot cunt.

She was so involved in what she was doing that she forgot about the time. Suddenly she heard a noise and turned around. There sit Gus on his horse watching her. She quickly removed her hand and sank down in the water up to her neck. "How long have you been there?"

"Long enough" he said. "Do you mind if I join you?" Without waiting for an answer he slid from his horse and begins to undress. He didn't bother to turn around as he came out of his clothes. As soon as he stripped he headed toward her and the pool.

Sue saw he wasn't really expecting an answer about joining her. She watched him undress, not taking her eyes from him. She lowered her eyes to his cock. What she saw was a very familiar sight. He was hung just like Jim with exception being Jim was circumsized and Gus wasn't.

Gus dove into the water and swam a couple of laps before stopping in front of her. She was still kneeling down so that the water covered her to her neck. "So you decided to take a swim instead of going to the house," said Gus.

"I was headed to the house but the pool looked so inviting after fooling with those hot dusty cows. If you will just turn your back I'll go fix lunch."

"I'm not in a hurry to eat. I had rather just swim with you."

"I don't think Jim would like the idea of his father and wife swimming around without suits.'

"Oh, I don't know, he doesn't seem to mind us being together," said Gus. He then took her by the hands and said, "Stand up so I can look at you.

"I don't think that is a good idea."

He pulled her to her feet without any resistance from her. She stood before him naked with her nipples hard and standing proud. He could not take his eyes from them; they were the most beautiful shape breasts he had ever seen. She turned her back to him, not to stop him from looking but to give her time to think. She liked him looking at her and wished it could go farther. The look in his eyes was pure lust for his daughter-in-law.

Gus wrapped his arms around her and cupped a breast in each hand. He pulled her back against his hard cock. He massaged each breast before moving his hands down her body to feel her hot cunt.

Sue had all she could take and turned around to put her arms around his neck. She pulled his head down to her for a kiss that spoke a lot more than words ever could. She could feel his cock pressing against her cunt wanting to get in. She said, " Gus as good as this feels we have got to stop. I just cannot do this to Jim. What if he should find out, our marriage would be ruined? I love him and can't hurt him like this. I enjoy all the fun we have had since Jim and I married, and the flirting we do each day, but this is different. We are no longer teasing; it has now turned serious. I would love to have you make love to me right here now, but if we start we will never be able to stop. Once would just not be enough for either of us.

Gus said, "come on and lets sit on the grass, there is something I need to tell you." He took her by the hand and side-by-side they moved out of the water onto the soft green grass under the tree. Two magnificent bodies in their naked glory, his cock hard and stiff, her breast standing high and proud on her chest. Her cunt was hot and moisture was already running down her thighs.

Gus sat down on the grass and leaned back against the base of a tree. He motioned for her to sit down beside him. She hesitated until he took her hand and pulled her to him. She sat beside him and he pulled her across his lap to kiss her. She liked the way he was kissing her and she could feel his cock pressing against her side. He continued to kiss and rub her breast between his fingers. He had her so hot that she was about to loose control. She had already quit trying to stop him and just enjoyed the way he was making her feel. She finally broke the kiss and said, "I thought you were going to tell me something."

Gus didn't release her but he did start talking. "When Jim was 18 years old I caught him looking at his mother through our bedroom window; the same room where you and Jim now sl**p. She was naked and getting ready to go to bed. I had gone to the barn and on my way back I saw someone standing in the shadows. I had no idea who it could be since it is over 2 miles to the nearest neighbor. I eased up behind him to find out it was Jim standing there watching his naked mother, with his cock in his hand. I almost scared him to death when I reached out and put my hand on his arm. I asked him what he thought he was doing and he was shaking so bad he couldn't answer. I told him to put away his cock and meet me in the den."

"Back in the den I told him to calm down and explain why he was spying on his mother."

"I'm 18 years old and mother is the only naked woman I have ever seen. I'm to shy around girls my own age and don't date much. Mother is always dressing so that she keeps me turned on all the time. I try to keep away from her window but night after night I just keep going back. I can't control myself, she is so beautiful."

"I knew what he was talking about, Jenny dressed a lot like you and you always turn me on. I had mentioned to Jenny that she was causing Jim problems dressing like she did, but she just laughed and said that it would just get his bl**d pumping. She even started dressing more provocative when he was around."

" I actually felt sorry for Jim and the circumstances he was in. I knew that he was not going to stop looking and she wasn't going to make it any easier on him."

"I asked him, how would you like to sl**p with his mother?"

"Are you serious," he said? "You know mom would never allow that."

" Don't be so sure, your Mom likes sex and a lot of it, and if she thought she was helping you with your shyness I think she would go for it." I will help you if you will make a deal with me."

"So Jim and I made a deal. I would help him get to sl**p with his mother and he was to let me have his wife when he married."

Sue pulled away and sat up. You mean that Jim swapped me for a opportunity to fuck his mother!"

"Not you, he hadn't even met you at that time. He didn't like the idea of me fucking his future wife, but at the same time he wanted his mother so bad that he would agree to any thing."

"What made you think that his mother would do such a thing as that?"

" I was pretty sure she would since I knew how much she cared for Jim, and he wouldn't be the first f****y member she had been to bed with. When I met Jenny, I didn't know it at the time but she and her father were sl**ping together. He had been her first lover and they were still sl**ping together. After I asked her to marry me she told me about them. She didn't want any secrets between us and if I couldn't handle it then she would not marry me. It didn't bother me at all. In fact it was a big turn on for me. They continued to sl**p together until he died. So you can see why I didn't think it would be any problem to get her to go along with my deal with Jim."

"What were the details of the deal?"

"I was to talk Jenny in to fucking her son and he was to help me convince his wife to fuck me. Neither one could be f***ed if they didn't want to go along, but he was to help me by making sure we were in close contact all the time."

"Even then he wasn't sure that he could do it, so I told him to think about it and let me know the next day. I even suggested he might like to go back and take another look at his mom while I fucked her."

"I can't believe that you told him to watch you fuck his mom."

"Why not, he had already seen us before and I figured that would help him make up his mind."

"I guess since we are here together that he said yes."

" The next morning at the barn he told me to go ahead and try to set it up. Actually I was looking out for myself. If he had approached his mother himself she would have fucked him and I would have been left out. Now look where we are today, both here naked and wanting to fuck each other and we can with Jim's blessings."

"I don't know if I should be mad at Jim or just let you fuck me!"


"Sue, lets just enjoy each other. I have wanted you from the first day I met you, and I know that you need a man now."

She said, "Just roll over here and fuck me, my pussy is soaking and I've been horny ever since Jim left."

Gus was rock hard and he knew that this first time with his daughter-in-law would not last long. She spread her legs to accommodate him as he moved over her. He didn't waste any time sliding his cock in her hot slippery pussy. He looked down and watched his cock as it slid deep in the cunt he had been craving for the last 6 months. As he slid in the feeling was almost more than he could take. He tried to hold back but Sue wanted it as much as he, and she pulled him deep with her long legs. The feeling was so intense that he just gave up trying to last and just plunged his cock as far into her as he could go. He fucked as hard and as fast as he could as he began to shoot his cum deep in her hot soaking pussy.

Her first reaction was to wrap her legs around him and pull this magnificent cock as far into her as she could. This was only the second man to ever have her; since she was a virgin when she and Jim married. She had thought that Jim would be the only man for her. Now here she was with his father's cock buried in her cunt, with Jim's permission, and the forbidden act fueled her fires even higher.

When Gus hit bottom and begin to cum it set her off, as Jim had never been able to do before. His cock felt completely different from Jim's and she started to cum like never before. She thought Gus would never stop pumping his cum in her, as he relieved months of frustrations.

Gus apologized for being so quick. "I have never felt anything like this. The thought of you being my daughter-in-law was just too much to hold back.

His cock never softened, as he started moving once again in her. He kissed and sucked her breast as his cock moved in and out. Her breasts were feeling so good from his lips on them. He had her nipples rock hard and each time he sucked them she could feel them tingling all the way to her cunt. As he moved faster she lifted her hips up to ride his cock at every stroke.

They both reached the point of no return at the same time. He was fucking in and out with the speed of a jackhammer and she was with him every step of the way. She was fucking him back with all the strength of her young body. They were joined together from mouth to toe as they both begin to cum at the same time.

Sue blacked out temporarily from the intense feeling. He was still on her when she came to and she had to push him off so she could catch her breath. His cock pulled out of her cunt with a loud sucking sound.

She said, "I can not believe how good that was. That is one deal I am certainly glad Jim made. Let's go to the house and you can finish the story while we make up for the last 6 months."

Back at the house Sue dropped her clothes at the back door and turned into Gus's arms. She said, "I'm glad we did that. I have felt the sexual tension between us ever since I've been here." She let him to the sofa and pushed him down on it. She got on her knees and moved between his legs taking his semi-hard cock in her hands. She licked across the top and running her tongue around the crown. "Go ahead and finish the story while I play here."

"How do you expect me to talk while you are sucking my cock?"

"Don't worry if it gets to be more than you can stand we'll finish the story later." With that she took his cock all the way into her mouth as he began to talk."

"As I was saying down by the pool, Jim told me to go ahead and try to convince his mother to sl**p with him. She had fucked her father before we even met and continued after we married so I knew the thought of fucking her own son would not be a problem with her. It had been a turn on for me then and for her to fuck Jim now would still be a turn on. I sure didn't know at the time that he would bring home a beauty like you for a wife."

"I left him there and went to bed where Jenny was waiting for me." She wanted to know what took me so long and I said, "Just having a little father and son talk."

"She wanted to know just what we had to talk about, "and I said, "You know what you and your father were doing when we met. Well, Jim wants the same with you. Seems that he is to shy and doesn't get along very well with girls his on age. I think he needs the kind of help only you can give."

"What am I suppose to do, just tell him to come on let's fuck? What makes you think that I would let my son fuck me?"

"Knowing how close you were to your father and how much you love your son it stands to reason that you would be willing to help him."

"How are we going to make this happen?"

"I'll take care of that if you are willing to go along."

"Jenny was hot from the conversation and the thought of Jim between her thighs. She was ready to fuck. She pulled me over on her and I entered her in one smooth motion. I really wanted to put on a good show for Jim, for I was sure he was back watching. We were facing the window and I knew that he was getting a good look at how hot his mother was."

"We came at the same time with me collapsing on her naked body. With Jim seeing me I looked at the window and gave Jim a big thumbs up. When Jenny calmed down I told her that Jim was probably watching us all the time. Her reaction was to roll over and give one of the best blow job of my life."

With that Gus let go with a load that Sue had to hurry to swallow.

When Gus recovered he continued the story. "We teased him for a couple of weeks before Jenny said she was ready to fuck him. The teasing kept him in a state of arousal all the time. I told Jim it was set and to go to the swimming hole the next day and his mother would join him."

"The next day when the chores were finished he rushed to the pool. He stripped of his clothes and dove in naked. His cock was hard in anticipation of what was to come."

"Jenny saw him head for the pool just like every day. She put on a bikini that hid nothing and went to fuck her son. The idea that it was right or wrong did not even enter her mind. She just knew that her son had the hots for her and she was going to take care of him; just as her father had taken care of her."

Jim had his back turned when she walked up and didn't know she was anywhere around. He jumped when she spoke. "Mind if I join you "

"Sure come on in."

She started in when he said "if you are going to swim with me you have to get naked since I already am."

"Now why would you want to skinny dip with your old mother?"

"Because you are the hottest woman I know, and you're not old."

Jenny didn't argue with him. She just reached behind her and undid the string that held the top up. When the top came loose it dropped to the grass and her big tits were there for him to see. She pushed the bottoms down and step out of them. She just stood for a short while and let him look. Finally she said, "Do you like what you see?"

Jim was speechless as she walked into the water and went straight to him. "Your father says that you need my help, and I'm here to take care of your needs. First understand that no one but us three must ever know. Second, once we do this we can never go back to the way it was. You have been pestering me for two weeks and now its time to quit playing, I'm ready to fuck you and teach you anything you want to know. Let me tell you right now, it takes a lot of loving for me. Do you think you are man enough to take care of me?"

He finally found his tongue, "I'll give it my best shot."

She moved into his arms and kissed him like he had never been kissed. Jenny didn't play around if she was going to fuck someone she went all out. She had her hands around his cock when she led him out of the pool.

She lay back on the grass and raised her arms to him. He was on his knees between her spread legs. She said, "Just fuck me and don't worry about how long you last or if I climax with you. This is not going to be the only time and we can work on details later. Just put your cock here in your mothers pussy."

She pulled him down and guided him home. She was right, he didn't last long but to her surprise she climaxed right along with him.

I stood at the barn and watched the whole thing. After he came I came on to the house. I was here in the kitchen when they came through the door with their clothes in hand, Jenny threw them on the couch and said, "you will have to fix your own supper tonight, and I am going to be awful busy for a while." Jim was right behind her with a grin from ear to ear.

"It turned into a love affair between the two of them. He was at her day and night, and she was always willing. I didn't suffer because she always took care of my needs. This went on until Jenny was killed in the car wreck."

"That means he was fucking her while he was going with me."

"Yes, you were a virgin and wanted to stay that way until you married. Jenny took care of his sexual needs for him. She taught him well: you are now enjoying the fruits of her labor."

"I guess after her death and our marriage I provided all the sex for him. What about you, Have you had a woman since her death?"

"No, it wasn't long before you married and I knew that if Jim kept his part of the deal then I would have you. You may have been a virgin when you married but when you came back from the honeymoon you were all woman. I watched you many a night as you made love just waiting for the day it would be me.

I let him know as soon as you moved in that I expected him to keep his part of the deal."

"I can't believe that he would just turn me over to you."

"His part of the deal was to help me fuck you. He insisted on leaving the window open at night. He asked you to stop wearing a bra, and to wear the tight jeans with the shirt tied under you breast. The new pink bikini was my idea but he liked it."

"It was up to me to seduce you but he was not to interfere. That's the reason for all the hugs, kisses and the pat on the rear all the time. The only restriction was I could only do what you would let me do. I could not f***e you."

"The open window was also Jim's idea. The first night I was watching when you tried to close it and he told you to keep it open. Many a night, over the years that window has been the center of attention."

"I wondered what was going on. The way you hugged me to your body and the kisses that were not on my cheeks but full on the lips. At times I could even feel your tongue trying to enter my mouth. At first it frighten me but since you never pushed it I started to enjoy it. I ask Jim about the way you were always touching me, and he said, " just enjoy it, he likes you and he is lonesome. So I went along with it and soon was looking forward to your greeting each morning. If I had known about the deal then we could have had a lot more fun the last 6 months."

For the rest of the time Jim was gone they fucked all day everyday. They tried out every position and every room in the house. They made love by the pool and in the barn. It was as if they could not get enough of each other. For Sue it was the best ever. She had always enjoyed sex with Jim but his father carried her to heights that she had never been before. She knew that a lot of it was because he was Jim's father and the erotic thought of fucking him. It wasn't his size, because he and Jim were alike even though his cock was uncircumcised.

The last night before Jim was due back they were lying in Gus's bed resting from the blowjob she had just given him. "What are we going to do when Jim gets back tomorrow?" asked Gus.

"I intend to keep sl**ping with you. Jim will just have to get use to the idea. I have a plan that I think he will agree to. Don't you worry about that just roll over here and bury this hard cock in me."

They made love all night and up until time for Jim to arrive.

Jim arrived about lunchtime. Neither Gus nor Sue let on that anything was going on. They talked about his trip and the cattle he had purchased. They didn't give him an opportunity to get them alone and ask either one of them questions.

By nighttime Jim was ready for bed. It had been nearly 3 weeks since he had fucked Sue and he was ready for her. He hadn't been that long without sex since his mother had first let him fuck her.

Sue was standing by the bed without a stitch on when Jim entered the room. He couldn't wait to take her in his arms. His cock started harding as soon as he saw her. She unbuttoned his shirt and pulled it off. She quickly undid his pants and pulled them and his jockey shorts down with one pull. As his pants cleared his cock it spring up almost hitting her in the face. She took his massive cock in both of her hands and brought it to her lips. She could tell from the way he was trembling that he hadn't had any sex while he was gone.

She took her mouth from him and climbed on the bed. She spread her legs wide to welcome his cock home. As he moved to get on the bed with her she said, "Don't you think you should shut the window?"

Surprised he asked, "Why, we never shut the windows around here?"

"Well Gus may go pass and see us."

"It want be the first time."

"You don't mind if he sees me naked?"

"No, It's sort of a tradition here at this house."

"You mean it would be ok if Gus watches us make love? Have you ever watched anyone through the window?"

"Yes"

"Who"

'My mother and father from the time I was 12 or 13 years old."

"Did they know you were watching?"

"Not at first but I'm sure that as I got older they suspected it."

" Did they ever do anything about it?"

He hesitated for a moment before answering, yes.

"What did he do?"

"Dad sit me down and had a heart to heart talk with me."

"What did he say?"

"Why or you asking all these questions?"

"I just want to know why you want your father to watch us having sex."

"You never seem to mind the way he looks at you. You don't push him away when he hugs and kisses you, or complain when he pats your ass. The way you dress just asked for his attention."

"I dress the way I do around the house because that is the way you asked me to dress. At first I was nervous when he would hug and kiss me, but you said it was all right and now I don't think anything about it. Why do you have me dress so your father can look at me as though I have nothing on?"

"You are beautiful and he is alone."

"Is that the only reason?"

Jim realized that he was in water up to his neck and was about to drown. "No, That is, well you see, my father and I had sort of a deal.

"What kind of a deal?"

"He felt like if I was going to watch him and mother make love then when I married he should get to watch us."

"Was that the whole deal?"

"No."

"What was the rest of the deal?" She had no intentions of letting him off the hook until he confessed to everything.

"He wants to fuck you."

"And what do you think of that? Are you willing to let your father slide his big cock into your wife?"

"If that is what you would like. It is up to you. I want try to stop you if you go through with it."

"What did you get out of this besides watching him and your mother getting it on? Does it make your cock hard to think of your father fucking me?" She had his cock in her hand and had been stroking him all the time she was asking the questions. He was hard as a rock. "I would really like to know how you could deal your future wife to your dad just to watch them make love."

He could take it no longer. "Mother."

"What about your mother?"

"My father gave my mother to me."

"You mean to sl**p with?"

"Yes."

"Why would you want fuck your mother? You are a handsome man and could have most any of the girls you wanted."

"I was 18 years old and a virgin. I was shy around all the girls my age. I would watch them through the window and want to take his place between her legs. I would fantasize about it all the time, and one night my father caught me watching her. We made a deal. He would help me get to sl**p with her provided that when I married I returned the favor. I couldn't help myself, she was so beautiful and I had not even met you at that time."

"How long before you slept with her?"

"About 3 weeks before he talked her into letting me have her. Dad told me what to do to seduce her and it really worked. I finally got her down at the pool and it was everything I thought it would be. It was suppose to be a one time thing but once I started I couldn't stop."

"If I let Gus fuck me is it going to be a one time thing?'

" I don't know, I didn't stop with mother so I don't guess I would have much to stand on if he wanted more from you."

"How often did you and your mom get together?"

"As often as we could. I could not get enough and she never refused me. Some times we made love more than twice a day. I know that she and Gus still made out nearly every night. She loved sex and she loved to satisfy both of us."

"What did Gus say to that?"

"He never said anything. I think he got off on knowing his son was fucking his mother."

"How long did this go on?"

"Until her death 4 years later.'

"You were even fucking her after we were engaged. Would you still be fucking her now if she were here?"

"Yes if she would have."

"What am I suppose to do now? Am I suppose to let Gus have me anytime he likes? Would you like for me to go sl**p with Gus?"

'Yes.'

" Are you going to stand out side the window and watch as he takes me? Did you and your father ever take her together at the same time?"

"No, We never tried to hide and I know he saw us plenty of times but mom would have none of that."

"Come on Jim fuck me now. My pussy is soaking and you dick is about to explode from all this talking. I love the idea that I can fuck with Gus anytime with your complete approval. I just wish you had told me earlier and I could have already completed your deal."

He could wait no longer, he moved up on the bed between her legs. He lifted her legs up on his shoulders, bending her nearly double. It opened her cunt to his hard invading dick. With one stroke he drove to the depth of her hot cunt. As his cock hit her hot cunt he began to fuck her with all he had.

Sue started cumin from the first stroke and never cam down from the sexual high he had her on. She could feel him tightening up and knew that he was about to cum.

He finally let go, shooting 6 to 7 blast of cum dip in her womb. She came once again as it hit her.

They collapsed on the bed together, both out of breath. For Sue it was the best she had ever had with Jim. She wondered if Gus was watching from the window.

Jim rolled over on his back completely exhausted. Sue propped up on one elbow and looking him in the eye she asked, "is that what you want me to do with Gus? Can you let me have the freedom to do anything with him any time? I want you to know that I want to fuck him, and have for several months."

Jim could only nod his head that he wanted her to go ahead.

"If that is what you like then I am going to him now. It looks like you are done for the night anyway." She kissed him and rolled out of bed. "See you in the morning."

Stopping only long enough to wash up she headed to Gus's room without a stitch on.

Gus was waiting for her, lying on the bed with his hard cock standing up in the air.

She moved up on him and lowered her still slick cunt down on his hard cock. As she moved up and down on him he played with her tits.

Sue lowered her cunt all the way down and stopped moving. "He doesn't know that we have all ready made love. He thinks this is our first time and that he gave his permission."

"How did you get him to tell you about the deal?"

"I ask him enough question that he finally told me about his mother and the deal you two made. He finally confessed that he wanted me to come to you. I told him I would see him in the morning and came to you. I love having sex with you and we don't have to slip around."


Gus said, "I love being with you. After all those months of wanting to sl**p with you I have no intensions of letting you go."

"I have a plan that I think both of you will agree to." She started moving again and all talk came to a halt. They fucked the rest of the night like it was their first time and that they may not get another.

Sue was the first up the next morning. She was in the kitchen dressed only in a thin gown that hid nothing. She wanted them to see what they would be missing if that didn't go along with her suggestion. She wondered just what Jim would have to say this morning. Some times what looks good at night in the heat of passion doesn't look so good in the light of day.

She had the coffee brewing and breakfast ready when Jim came in. He took one look and the outfit she had on and his cock started to rise. He walked up to her and took her in his arms. " I watched you and dad last night. Now I know how he felt when he watched mom and me. You were beautiful as you made love with him."

He was still holding her when Gus walked into the room. Sue broke off contact with him and moved to Gus. She moved into his arms and kissed him good morning. His cock was already hard and she could feel it against her body. She reached down and caressed him through his pants. He pushed back and grinned at her. Jim was smiling also.

She said, "Lets eat breakfast and then we can talk about how we are going to handle this situation."

After they finished the guys waited for her to speak. She finally spoke up, " You guys made this deal between you and Jim's mother, I had nothing to do with it. Now I don't object to it as long as everybody is happy with it. What woman in her right mind would turn down sex with 2 handsome men? Jim you are going to have to face the fact that you gave up any objections you may have a long time ago. Last night was not the first time Gus and I have been together. The day after you left on your trip he told me about the deal. We have been going at it pretty heavy ever since. I know that we don't intend to stop anytime soon. You are just going to have to live with it."

"I only know of one solution, you both will share me from now on." I know that your mother would only have sex with one of you at a time, but with me it is going to be different. I want you both at the same time. I have thought of how nice it will be to have the two of you fucking me together. If you can't live up to that, speak now."

Gus looked at Jim and said; "we have watched each other so long that it will not be a problem for me."

Jim said, I guess I gave up my right to object some time back."

Sue said, "Good, now one more thing and this is major. I just feel like I may have gotten pregnant last night. It is that time of month and I didn't take any precautions. I have no idea which of you maybe the father and I don't care. We will all raise the c***d together."

Both guys agreed to that arrangement.

Sue took them both by the hand and led them to the bedroom. She quickly striped off her robe and climbed up on the bed. She stretched out in the center of the bed with her legs spread leaving all of her exposed to them. "Can't you two think of something to do now?"

It was an invitation that they couldn't turn down. Gus made for her cunt while Jim moved around and offered her his cock to suck. She quickly pulled him to her and proceeded to swallow his cock. Gus paused only long enough to run his tongue around her cunt before moving up to fuck her.

On and on it went for most of the day. Sometime there were two on her and sometime only one. The guys were finally worn out but she had not refused them anything. Once both men figured out that she intended to keep both of them satisfied they accepted the conditions much quicker.

Sue was right, nine months later Tim was born, and things returned to normal. That is, if you can call a mother sl**ping with both her husband and father-in-law normal. She continued to sl**p with both men until Tim was 10 years old. She would then sl**p with one man one night and the other the next.

Thus a happy f****y raised Tim. He knew that his f****y was different but he didn't know just how much. He knew that his was the only f****y that swam naked in the pool because his mother told him so, and to not tell anyone because they would not understand. It was only when he was about 16 that he saw his mother and grandfather fucking in his bed. He didn't under stand why his father didn't seem to mind what his father was doing. He didn't say anything but he had discovered the open windows and now he was out side every night watching.

Tim was 18 when a horse fell and killed Gus. It was a tragic loss for all of them, but Sue took it harder than the others. She had really loved him as a father-in-law and lover.

For nearly 20 years she had two men to love her and fulfill every sexual wish she may have. Now it was just she and Jim. He did the best he could to fill both places in her life. The sex with him was good but not what she had been use to.

Now it was a year after Gus was killed and she was standing in front of the window caressing her breast and thinking about how it use to be as she waited for Jim to come to bed. She wondered if Tim paused to look in her open window as Jim had his mother.


She didn't need to worry Tim was even now standing in the shadows watching her. He wasn't anything like his father when it came to being shy. He and his girlfriend, Amy, had been having sex since the 10th grade. They were scheduled to wed this next summer. He had all the sex he wanted from Amy who never turned him down. As he watched his mother he knew that one day he was going to find out why she had satisfied two men all these years. Hopefully she would show him herself.

Jim coming to bed brought Sue back to the present. She had made up her mind to bring up the subject of Tim, but first she wanted to get him in the right frame of mine.

She pushed him back on the bed and took his cock in her mouth. She sucked him until he was hard. Then moving up she straddled his legs and placed her hot cunt over his cock. She began to work up and down very slowly. Her hot cunt was really working on his hard cock. When She had him where she wanted him she begin to talk. "Jim, You know how much fun the three of us had while Gus was alive. You know that Tim will be getting married this summer and if you would like to make deal with him like you had with your father I will help you." She could tell by the way his cock grew that he was interested.

Jim was very interested, he had often looked at Amy wished that he could fuck the cute young blond. He said, "What am I suppose to do just ask him he would like to fuck his mother while I fuck his girlfriend?"

She said, " You don't need to do anything. I know Tim is interested in me because he is constantly trying to feel me up. Just back up an give me a little room."

Each evening when Tim finished his chores he would stop by the pool and cool off. He was always naked and Sue had watched him from the house many times. Today she left to meet him when she saw him strip off.

Tim was swimming when she walked up and didn't know she was around until she spoke. "Mind if I come in and cool off?"

Her voice surprised him and he stopped swimming and stood up in the middle of the pool. "Of course I don't mind."

Sue quickly stripped off her shirt. She didn't have on a bra, she never wore one, and her large breast stood out firm as they had when she and Gus first made love. She unsnapped her jeans and pulled them down from her hips, taking her panties with them. She picked up her clothes and laid them on the table. She stood before him naked. It wasn't the first time he had seen her, but this was the first time she had undressed just for him.

Tim could not take his eyes from her as she moved through the water toward him. She moved up to him and put her arms around his neck, so close that her nipples were touching the hair on his chest. His cock already hard got even more so. She could feel it touching her stomach, and knew that he was ready for anything she suggested.

"You look like you are glad to see me," she said, as she pulled his head down and kissed him on the lips. Her tongue was pushing against his lips until he opened his mouth and let her tongue in. She kissed him, as only a lover would do. As she kissed him she reached down with one hand and pushed his hard cock down between her legs to rest against her hot cunt. She then pulled him tight to her body.

Tim could not believe that this was happing to him. He had wanted to feel his mother's naked body against his for a long time and now it was happing. She was touching him from his head to his toes. He could fell her hot cunt as it touched his cock.

Finally she broke the kiss and leaned back in his arms. Never breaking contact with his cock or his hands on her ass. "I think you are liking this," she said. "You have been acting like this is what you wanted for a while, or did I miss read you?"

"No, I have wanted you ever since I saw you and dad and" … He stopped his face turning red.

Looking him in the eye she asked, "What did you start to say?" She was pretty sure what he had seen but she wanted him to put it in words.

"I saw you sl**ping with grand pa. Why were you sl**ping with him and dad doesn't mind?"

"That is a long story that started before you were born. You deserve to hear it now that you and I are about to do the same thing." She felt his cock jump against her cunt as he realized that his dream was about to come true.

Taking him by the hand she led him out of the pool to the same spot where she and Gus first made love.

She pulled him down beside her and told him the story just as Gus told her. When she finished Tim's cock was rock hard. Partly because of the story, but mostly because she had been rubbing his cock all the time she was talking.

"I love it, I wish I could have known my grand mother. Are you going to let me make love to you?"

"Yes you can do anything you like with me, but this is not to be taken lightly. No one must know about this but us, and you must also realize that you will be giving your dad permission to fuck your wife."

"That want be a problem, Amy has already said what a good looking man dad is. and that she would like to feel him between her legs. Mom, we have been fucking for three years and talk about everything. She even knows that I want to fuck you."

Sue layback on the grass and spread her legs as she pulled him over on her. His cock search for the entrance to her cunt until he found it. Slowly he slid his cock into the hot depth of his mother's pussy. She wrapped her arms and legs around him and drew him deeper into her body. Nothing had felt so good in years.

Twenty years ago her father-in-law had started a f****y tradition on this very spot. Now here she was with her son making love together. They both came at the same time. As his hot cum was shooting up her cunt she opened her eyes and saw Jim standing there smiling down at them.

Yes, everything was back to normal.

... Continue»
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Awakening The Sacred Gate to Supreme Bliss: Tantri

Awakening The Sacred Gate June 2003
Awakening The Sacred Gate to Supreme Bliss:
Tantric G-Spot Orgasm & Female Ejaculation
by Somraj Pokras and Jeffre TallTrees, Ph.D.
Published by TantraAtTahoe.com
Copyright © 2003 by Tantra At Tahoe
ALL RIGHTS RESERVED
No part of this publication may be stored, reproduced, forwarded via email, or transmitted
in any form or by any means, electronic or mechanical, including photocopying and recording,
or introduced into any information storage and retrieval system, without the written permission
of the copyright owner and the publisher of this book. Bona-fide purchasers may print one copy
of this document for personal use. Brief quotations may be used in reviews prepared for
inclusion in a magazine or newspaper, or for broadcast. For further information, please
contact...Tantra At Tahoe 11200 Donner Pass Road #146, Truckee, CA 96161 USA Phone (530)
587-1317, Fax (530) 587-9056, Email
<http://www.tantraattahoe.com/connect/emailform.htm>.
EDITION 0.9 June 5, 2003
ISBN 0-9721913-1-3
Contents
Chapter 1: Introduction
Chapter 2: Sacred Tantric Sexuality
Chapter 3: Kundalini Energy
Chapter 4: Tantric LovePlay
Chapter 5: Sacred Landscape
Chapter 6: Sacred Gate Massage
Chapter 7: Yoni Healing
Chapter 8: Ecstatic States
Chapter 9: Kama Sutra Sex Positions
Chapter 10: Female Ejaculation
Bonus Chapter 11: Male G-Spot
Chapter 12: Conclusion
Dedication
This book is dedicated to our beloved Tantric f****y, a continual source of Supreme Bliss
through spiritual inspiration, sexual ecstasy, and expanded consciousness.
Awakening The Sacred Gate June 2003
Copyright © 2003 Tantra At Tahoe 2
Important Note
The material in this book is for educational purposes and is intended to provide helpful
guidance to lovers about human sexuality. Every attempt has been made to provide accurate,
dependable, up-to-date information. We believe what's presented here will be helpful and poses
no risk to any healthy person.
This_ding that neither the author nor the publisher is engaged in rendering medical,
psychological, or any other professional service. If you have questions concerning the
application of the material and advice described in this book and its affect on your health and
well-being, it is your responsibility to consult a qualified professional first.
Any use of the techniques used in this book are at your own risk.
This book is not intended to serve as medical treatment, psychological counseling,
psychotherapy, or any other services best performed by a health professional. No part of this
book should be used as a means of self-treatment or as a viable substitute to or for medical
evaluation by a physician. If you suspect you have a condition requiring such treatment, we
encourage you to seek professional help before engaging in the practices included.
Absolutely no part of the program should cause pain or unusual symptoms. Should such
arise during or after doing the practices within, the affected party is advised to seek medical
evaluation to identify possible causes.
If you have knowledge or suspicion that you have contracted a sexually transmitted disease,
we urge you to consult with a qualified health professional before engaging in any partner
practices in this book.
The authors and publishers cannot be held responsible for any error, omission, professional
disagreement, or outdated material in this book. The authors and publishers are not liable for
any upsetting reaction, damage, injury, infection, fatal disease, or other adverse outcome as a
result of applying the information or engaging in any activities suggested in this book.
Awakening The Sacred Gate June 2003
Copyright © 2003 Tantra At Tahoe 3
Chapter 1: Introduction
"The Constitution only gives people the right to pursue happiness. You have to catch it yourself."
----- Ben Franklin
1.1 Opening Section
This is what you have to look forward to...
"As I lay here with my legs spread and my beloved's head bowed, worshipping at the door of
my secret garden, I give great thanks for the pleasure I'm about to feel.
"With his soft tongue on my most sensitive outer trigger, and his two longest fingers inside, I
writhe, scream, and come and come and come. Orgasmic energy engulfs me and soon all he has to
do is breathe on me and I shower him with my divine nectar. It goes on and on, over and over
again for about 30 minutes.
"My beloved is grinning and I am, oh, so blissful. He asks if I want more. Not a hard question
to answer. I say YES!
"When I reach the continuous Orgasm Zone, I simply want more, More, MORE!"
Purposes
The purposes of this chapter are to...
• Help you understand what's in this ebook.
• Orient you to what is where and how to proceed.
• Introduce you to how Tantra fits in.
Welcome
When you read the introduction above, did you say to yourself, "I want that?" Whether
you're a woman or a man, young or old, gay or straight, you want to know the depth and
breadth of your sexuality. You want to feel great pleasure and amazing sexual ecstasy. You
want to pass through the Sacred Gate Of Supreme Bliss, our Tantric name for the G-Spot.
You want it all.
You want to have full-body orgasms, multiple orgasms, extended orgasms with maximum
energy that blow your mind. You want to know all there is to know about the female and male
G-Spots and female ejaculation.
Regardless of your gender, you want to be all you can be sexually. You want to feel totally
confident as a lover -- as the receiver of peak pleasure and the giver of untold ecstasy.
We wholeheartedly agree. We believe fervently that you deserve it all. Your sexual self is
the very essence of who you are.
If this sounds like anything you want, you're in for a real treat. Even if you're not sure, this
ebook was designed just for you.
Sex Positive Aim
Our aim is to support you in being totally sex positive. That means you know that sexual
ecstasy is a divine gift and any way you get it is good for you. We want you to love filling your
pleasure balloon, that imaginary bubble inside you that expands with good feelings when you
let it.
Awakening The Sacred Gate will show you how to...
• Expand your capacity for pleasure
• Bring spirit and awareness into your sexual play
• Routinely reach supreme sexual ecstasy
Awakening The Sacred Gate June 2003
Copyright © 2003 Tantra At Tahoe 4
• Build confidence that you can give maximum pleasure
• Achieve your full sexual potential
• Fully and proudly embrace your sexual birthright.
To achieve this, you're going to learn to give and receive Sacred Gate (G-Spot) Orgasms of
incredible power and emotional sweetness. You're going to learn to supercharge your sexual
play with female ejaculation and relish being bathed in the Goddess's sweet ejaculation fluid.
With the latest scientific findings, you're going to discover a whole host of new ways to
exchange pleasure.
Just as there are many ways to create beautiful music, there's more than one way to make
love. We're sure you already know how to play some of the instruments in your sexual
orchestra. In the coming pages, you'll learn to play those instruments in creative new ways, to
play new instruments, and to expand your play list with both.
Soon you'll become the master of ecstatic alternatives to sexual union (our Tantric name for
intercourse). Not to mention ways to make sexual union supremely blissful.
But we have to warn you. If you play music like this once, neither of you will ever want to
stop.
Especially For Women (Partners, you can read this too)
If you're a woman, please know that we wrote Awakening The Sacred Gate mostly for you.
And so your lovers could give you maximum pleasure. Which is still for you. Though this
ebook ends with a bonus chapter about the male G-Spot, it's mostly about female anatomy,
female arousal, female ecstasy, and female orgasm.
If you wonder why, a few statistics can make this crystal clear.
Less than half the women who have sex reach orgasm during sexual union (intercourse).
Some estimate 75% of women can't reach orgasm without direct clitoral stimulation. Sadly, 10 to
15% of women have never had an orgasm.
Somebody has to do something about this. We nominate you. Do you accept?
Maybe you feel that you're not a very sexual person. Maybe you don't particularly like sex
the way you've had it. Maybe you've had negative or painful experiences. Maybe you think you
don't have a G-Spot or you have one that doesn't feel particularly good.
Together, we're going to change all that.
We want you to enjoy sex. We want you to believe it's good for you. We want you to release
your inhibitions, let go of control, and stop holding back. We want you to remember that being
alive means feeling desire. We want you to know that sexual play is good for you. We want you
to celebrate that your orgasms make you healthier, more awake, and closer to God.
Whew! Do you get the idea that we really care about your sex life? You're right, we really,
really do.
Sex Negative Culture
Unfortunately, most of the so-called civilized world disagrees with the above views. We
don't live in cultures that encourage us to explore our bodies, our orgasmic triggers like the GSpot,
and their spiritual connection. Religions frown on it. Few of our parents talked about it.
You can't even think about it at work without a lawsuit.
Even worse, health professionals are as hung up as the rest of the population. We regularly
receive referrals from highly trained ther****ts who are too shy to deal with sexual issues. In
fact, too many medical doctors scoff at proven sexual realities like female ejaculation.
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Partly, this sad story explains why the average lover doesn't know more about their own
orgasmic pathways. Never fear, in the coming pages we're going to help you change all that.
Forever!
Tantra can help you drop these limiting beliefs and create the kind of sex life you crave deep
inside. Tantra is the ancient spiritual practice of sacred sexuality that uses sexual energy to raise
consciousness.
Not only will you learn how Tantra can enhance every aspect of your love life, along the
way you'll undoubtedly discover how to make your whole life better.
It's OK if you don't know much about Tantra, because we'll fill in the gaps shortly.
If you do know a lot about Tantra, we're confident that you'll discover a whole new practical
side before mastering our version, Supreme Bliss Tantra.
1.2 Tantric Ebook Section
"Sex really is a physical expression of a whole lot of stuff that has no physical existence: love and
joy, deep emotion, intense closeness, profound connection, spiritual awareness, incredibly good
feelings, sometimes even ecstasy....We free our a****l selves by opening our intellects to
awareness of our bodies, and when we are no longer stuck in our intellects we become more like
spirit: intuitive, experiencing the joy of life for the sake of experiencing, in communion with
ourselves, with each other, and beyond"
----- Dossie Easton & Catherine A. Liszt in The Ethical Slut
Supreme Bliss Tantra
Supreme Bliss is the zenith of sexual ecstasy which transforms orgasmic energy into
expanded consciousness.
Supreme Bliss Tantra is the modern system of personal transformation based on the ancient
Eastern spiritual path that uses sexual energy practices to...
• deepen love and intimacy,
• extend lovemaking, and
• create continuous full-body mind-altering Tantric Orgasms.
By opening your senses of the present moment, embracing all of life and all of your being,
and focusing on pleasure as a divine gift, Supreme Bliss Tantra...
• heals your mind, body, and spirit,
• connects you passionately with your deeper self and your beloved, and
• immerses you deeply into the untold joys of sacred sexuality to reach cosmic peaks of
pleasure
ultimately making life an ecstatic journey in total communion with all that is.
Our Starting Place & Yours
Here are just a few of the key questions that we'll answer for you in the coming pages...
• Can you find your own and your lover's Sacred Gate (G-Spot)?
• Do you know how to give a G-Spot orgasm?
• Women, can you release your inhibitions and open to your Goddess nature?
• Men, can you orgasm without ejaculating from G-Spot play?
• Women, do you know how to ejaculate when you climax?
We know you're reading this because you want to know more of the answers to questions like
this.
When we started on the path of Supreme Bliss Tantra during the mid-90s, neither of us were
multi-orgasmic. Like many other women, Jeffre's orgasms required effort. She was never aware
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of ejaculating. Like most men, Somraj couldn't separate orgasm from ejaculation. So he usually
came pretty quickly.
Realizing how much we were missing gave us strong motivation to learn about pleasure,
ecstasy, and orgasm through Tantric practice. We've changed so much and had so much fun
that we just had to share our journey with courageous intelligent folks like you.
What's In Our Ebook
Awakening The Sacred Gate is chock full of frank, accurate, up-to-date information about
your sexual landscape, including a detailed description of male and female sexual anatomy.
What's more important, we've richly punctuated it with hands-on exercises and practices you
can use to quickly teach yourself these powerful sexual skills. Along the way you'll
undoubtedly discover how Tantric healing helps you drop negative sexual attitudes, release
unwanted inhibitions, and awaken dormant responses.
Isn't it great news that practices which teach you to fill your pleasure balloon make you feel
fantastic along the way?
Sexual learning isn't so different from strengthening your body by work-outs at the gym.
They both follow the old maxim...use it or lose it. The more you exercise, the easier it gets and
the better it feels. Through practice, you heal the weak parts to make your sexual system
healthy and whole.
We've created an ebook that is both comprehensive and user friendly. Though it has a little
of everything we've learned and how we learned it, it's not an academic volume, exhaustive
listing of references, or lengthy survey responses. It's a practical program that reveals all you
need to know.
Awakening The Sacred Gate shows you step-by-step how to put Tantric Sex into practice
immediately in your sex life.
In the coming chapters, you will find powerful techniques to master you own sexual f***es.
You'll learn how to use these techniques to give your beloved exquisite pleasure only imagined
in you most erotic dreams.
We hope you get the idea that we very much want you to become the lover you want to be.
Sexual Exploration Journal
When Somraj was a chemist, he learned to document everything about scientific
experiments in laboratory notebooks. You might want to use a similar approach while reading
Awakening The Sacred Gate.
To raise self-awareness, many readers find great benefit in recording their thoughts,
reactions, and discoveries in a personal journal dedicated to sexual exploration. We suggest you
get one right away. Then, as you read this ebook, you can jot down what you agree with, what
makes a strong impact on you, and what doesn't jive with your experience.
When you do the practices sandwiched throughout this ebook, you're bound to learn lots
about your body, your sex, and yourself. Capturing your adventures offer valuable insight as
you progress and help you remember important discoveries. Journalling becomes an invaluable
tool when you choose to communicate to a lover what you've learned about pleasuring your
Sacred Gate.
During all the practices in this training program, we don't expect or encourage complete
instant transformation. So writing down what happened can help you pick up where you left
off next time. Further, the G-Spot and female ejaculation often push emotional buttons and raise
issues buried deep inside. You'll want to take some breaks to process what comes up, clear the
decks, and integrate what dawns on you.
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Journalling can help with all that.
To energize your journalling, you'll find discussion questions similar to the following
spread throughout your ebook. You can write your answers or close your eyes and look inside
at your own situation. If you're anything like the average couple, talking about sex isn't the
easiest thing to do. Those who go through this program with a partner find that these questions
are great stimulants for honest intimate communication.
EXERCISE: Journal Discussion Questions
Here are some questions to journal, reflect on, or talk about...
• How big is your capacity for pleasure?
• How much spirit do you bring into your loveplay?
• What are your orgasms like? Difficult? Full-body? Multiple? Continuous?
• How much of your sexual potential have you realized?
Tantric Sex
Tantric Sex is making love reverently, sacredly, and consciously to maximize and circulate
orgasmic energy. It's much more than technique. It's an amalgamation of attitude and emotion,
awareness and approach.
To be sure, this ebook will teach you lots of specific sexual how-tos that will give you
enormous confidence. Just remember, when you combine them with the Tantric attitude, voila,
you'll become every woman's dream lover.
Awakening The Sacred Gate includes expansive and exciting solo and partner practices to
enable you to understand, first-hand (pun intended), the nature of Tantra and the experience of
Tantric Sex. Before you're done, you'll know exactly how to find, excite, and create maximum
pleasure from the G-Spot. You'll know how to ejaculate if you're female, or make your female
partner's waters flow regardless of your sexual preference.
More importantly to students of Tantra, you'll know how to interweave mind, body, and
spirit to create powerful, ecstatic and long lasting sexual experiences, with or without sexual
union. (That's one of our names for intercourse.) You'll learn to muster your inner fire, couple
sexual energy with physical touch, and exchange orgasmic magnetism with your beloved.
By the way, everything here applies to women giving to women as well as men giving to
women. Except of course in the chapter devoted to maithuna, sexual intercourse. Everywhere
else, we've done our best to use language that honors whatever your sexual preference is.
Kundalini To The Rescue
Before going further, we should explain what we mean when we refer to a key target of
Tantric Sex, Kundalini energy. There's a dormant life f***e inside all of us that few tap into fully.
When you're turned-on sexually, you can feel this nervous stimulation and physical excitation,
alive, bubbling, vibrating inside you. Even when you're not, you can probably feel it trickling
and tickling inside.
This is sexual energy, which most lovers feel most strongly right before orgasm. So
sometimes we call it orgasmic energy.
Kundalini is the old Sanskrit name for this normally latent psychosexual power. The ancients
pictured Kundalini like a coiled snake that lies sl**ping at the base of the spine. When
awakened through Tantric practice, Kundalini energy can ascend through the subtle body,
creating powerful ecstatic experiences and heightened cosmic consciousness.
Know how to do that for yourself, and exchange Kundalini with a partner and, virtually, the
sky's the limit.
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Being a great lover is a learned art and science. If you grew up the way most of us did, you
weren't born into a society fully aware of this knowledge. Now you can enter the Sacred Gate of
Supreme Bliss. The path is great and wide.
Welcome to expanded Tantric sexuality.
Why Is It Important For You To Learn About Tantra?
Tantra is the ancient art of transforming the Kundalini energy awakened by orgasm into
spiritual connection and cosmic consciousness. Its roots are very old, as long as 7,000 years ago.
Tantra shows us how to open fully to our sexual nature and, in the process, learn to love all
of who we are. As we practice more ways to feel pleasure and consciously experience ourselves
as sexual beings, we're able to more fully realize our spiritual nature. Sadly, we live in an antiecstatic
society that doesn't promote joy, pleasure, and ecstasy as worthwhile pursuits.
Tantra says these are the only worthwhile pursuits.
As part of your Tantric exploration into the depths of your sexuality, it is only natural that
you explore the capacity of the Sacred Gate and the phenomenon of female ejaculation. Tantra
says be all you can be, experience everything, enjoy.
Know yourself sexually, and the truth will set you free.
We'll fully explore the nature of Supreme Bliss Tantra so you'll learn how to be the blissful,
playful, energetic lover you were born to be. That's a lover who has the desire and capacity to
make lovemaking last through multiple orgasms of multiple kinds, regardless of your sex.
We'll teach you ancient Tantric secrets about how to relax, awaken your senses, and use
your breath to increase your sexual pleasure. We'll demonstrate how to move your body to
enhance your orgasms. We'll offer you everything you need to know, to practice, to experience
and to fly emotionally and spiritually on the wings of sexual bliss.
Why We're Qualified To Write This Ebook
Jeffre and Somraj started Tantra At Tahoe in 1998 to teach lovers the ancient art and science
of sacred sexuality. Our combined 53 years of teaching and counseling experience created the
backdrop to help singles and couples integrate the secrets of Supreme Bliss Tantra into their
lives. Our strong sexual appetites and willingness to experiment ourselves and with others
provide the personal experience that allows us to write with conviction.
Jeffre TallTrees, Ph.D. is a SkyDancing Tantra Teacher with over 30 years of clinical
psychology experience specializing in relationships and human sexuality. Jeffre is co-author of
Intimacy: The Green Light for Red Hot Sex and A Lifetime Of Loving. She is a shaman, healer,
counselor, workshop leader, columnist, artist, and avid skier whose advice is highly sought
after.
Somraj Pokras is the author of countless articles about Tantra, over 50 workshops, and 4
books including the best-selling Ultimate Ejaculation Mastery. During his 30 year career as a
counselor, group facilitator, and trainer, Somraj has guided more that 20,000 people to lead
more effective lives. Somraj is a private pilot, avid skier and mountain bike rider, website
designer, and worshipper of the Goddess.
We derive great joy from assisting others to release their sexual inhibitions. By unblocking
their pleasure, they learn to make lovemaking last and last and last. We live in the mountain
paradise near Lake Tahoe, California with our two golden retrievers, Shiva and Shakti. Our
Tantric lifestyle allows the four of us to celebrate the beauty of nature during all seasons.
With all the stress, disease, and unhappiness in today's world, somebody has to
demonstrate that it's possible to enjoy life to the fullest. We're making that our ecstatic life
purpose. That's our story and we're sticking to it.
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Copyright © 2003 Tantra At Tahoe 9
EXERCISE: Energy Discussion Questions
Here are some questions to journal, reflect on, or talk about...
• Why do you think Tantra can help you?
• How relaxed are you during sex?
• How open do you feel you are to Kundalini energy?
• When and where can you feel sexual or orgasmic energy in your body?
1.3 Sexual History Section
"Ultimately, your definition of sex or sexuality is limited only by your imagination and
willingness to explore." ----- from Intimacy: A Green Light For Red Hot Sex And A
Lifetime Of Loving by Jeffre TallTrees and Orv. Fry
The Sacred Gate
The G-Spot is a highly sensitive area on the front or upper wall of the yoni (Tantric for
vagina). G-Spot a modern term, coined by Ladas, Whipple, & Perry in their 1982 book The GSpot
And other Discoveries About Human Sexuality. They named it after Ernst Gräfenberg
M.D. who first wrote about this "new" orgasmic trigger in a scientific journal in 1950.
By the way, Gräfenberg didn't call it a spot and rightly so. It's an area in different places in
different women. And it moves.
We call the G-Spot the Sacred Gate, partly because all of sex is sacred to a Tantrika (a Tantra
adept) and partly because it truly is a doorway to profound love, deep emotional intimacy, and
sexual ecstasy. The Sacred Gate contains the power to unleash hidden emotions, generate deep
orgasms, and trigger ejaculation when aroused enough.
Before you're done reading this ebook and doing its many juicy practices, we can assure you
that you'll be able to find and excite your beloved's Sacred Gate. You'll learn anatomy, massage
strokes, and more pathways to G-Spot orgasm than you can imagine.
We expect that some of you have had negative experiences with G-Spot stimulation. You
may have felt little, nothing, burning, or other discomfort. Let us assure you that, by following
our program to awaken your Sacred Gate, this will never be the case again.
We should warn you that we use the terms G-Spot and Sacred Gate interchangeably.
Hopefully that won't confuse you.
A Brief Sexual History Lesson
Though G-Spot is a modern term, undoubtedly the ancients were aware of the super
sensitive parts inside yoni (vagina). They were certainly aware of one the Sacred Gate's primary
sexual functions, female ejaculation. There are references to the female expulsion of fluid with
orgasm as early as Aristotle in ancient Greece. The Kama Sutra mentions in clearly. Shakespeare
called it "the water of my love."
It wasn't until about 400 years ago that a Dutch anatomist, Regnier De Graaf, clearly defined
the glands and ducts that make up the Sacred Gate. He said they were analogous to the male
prostate. This started a scientific trend of referring to the G-Spot as the female prostate.
In 1880 Alexander Skene, M.D., extensively studied and illustrated the glands and ducts that
comprise the female prostate. To this day, some refer to this part of a woman's anatomy as
Skene's glands. It wasn't until 1953 that a urologist named Samuel Berkow concluded that this
tissue was erectile.
More current research beginning in the 80s concluded that the Skene's glands are small,
functional organs that produce female prostatic secretion and possess cells comparable to the
male prostate.
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Copyright © 2003 Tantra At Tahoe 10
When you feel the G-Spot, or Sacred Gate, you're feeling these glands beneath the skin of
yoni's upper wall.
More Research, More Arguments
About the turn of the 20th century, Freud was generating his own revolution about the
nature of sexuality. He said there were two kinds of orgasm: clitoral and vaginal, or in Tantric
terms clio and yoni. Freud convinced many that clio (clitoral) orgasms were immature.
According to him, it took a real woman to have a yoni orgasm.
In contrast, pioneering sex researchers, like Kinsey in the 50s and Masters & Johnson in the
60s, believed that only clio was responsible for women's orgasms. The good news was that these
findings spurred vibrator-wielding feminists to teach women that they could develop their
orgasmic potential.
The bad news was that, depending on who they listened to, many people ignored a valuable
source of female sexual pleasure. (Don't worry, we're not going to take sides in this silly debate.)
Fortunately, the pendulum began to swing back in 1982 when the G-Spot book was
published. Public consciousness, fueled by scientific research and growing comfort with the
sexual revolution, opened to other orgasmic triggers.
Make Love Not Controversy
Don't expect your f****y doctor, or even your OB/GYN to know very much about sex. In
most medical schools, the training devoted to sexuality is either non-existent or minimal. A few
medical schools increased their emphasis on sexuality in the 70s and 80s, but many of them
have cut back since then. So it's no surprise that the controversies over the existence of the GSpot,
different kinds of orgasms, and female ejaculation continue to this day in the medical
community.
It's only been since the late 90s that medical research began to take seriously the notion that
women's sexuality operates differently than men's. At last, serious investigation is underway
into the unique sexual anatomy and physiology of the female that will ultimately support
women in leading joyful sex lives. What you'll read here is based on the most recent findings.
Women Are Different, Duh
We understand the frustration of male-dominated sciences being unable to describe female
sexuality with simple linear models and reproducible formulas.
The fundamental fact that keeps appearing in our reading, research, and client work is that
each woman is different. Although there are some general commonalties, each woman will have
her proclivities, her preferences, and her own kind of orgasms.
Her pleasure, her sensitivity, and her climaxes will differ based on factors within and
without: her mood, her hormones, her level of arousal, her connection to her partner, her
openness to passion, and her acceptance of her own sexuality.
Those of us who honor the Goddess and specialize in the study and practice of sex know
without a doubt that the Sacred Gate exists. As does clio. It doesn't take an expert to prove that
they both can help you explode with passion if you want.
Never fear, your G-Spot is alive and well and living inside. When you discover exactly what
it wants, it can shower you and your lover with delicious peaks of pleasure and sweet female
ejaculate.
Thank the Goddess for big favors.
EXERCISE: History Discussion Questions
Here are some questions to journal, reflect on, or talk about...
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Copyright © 2003 Tantra At Tahoe 11
• What kind of values did your f****y hold about sex?
• What role do you feel sexuality plays in a healthy life?
• What kinds of sexual repression have you personally experienced?
Yes, Female Ejaculation Is On The Map
As our title suggests, female ejaculation is another of our primary objectives here. We're
going to prove to you that it's quite common, feels wonderful, is great to learn, and doesn't
release urine.
In fact, Jeffre had to talk Somraj out of using "tastes great, less filling" here.
Female ejaculation sounds a little bit clinical, doesn't it? We like to keep things simple, but
sometimes we just have to use terms that turn us on more. So we often refer to ejaculating as
"letting the waters flow," and call female ejaculate fluid amrita. Amrita actually means
something like "divine nectar of the Goddess."
Now, isn't that just more exotic and erotic?
A significant percentage of women already know they gush, squirt, or dribble amrita when
they orgasm. Some researchers theorize that all women ejaculate when they orgasm, although
for some this may only be a few drops.
Some women ejaculate only with G-Spot stimulation. Others may ejaculate with either
Sacred Gate stimulation or clio stimulation. Some let loose only when both are stimulated.
You'll certainly want to play with them all.
Women, which one of these do you think would do the trick for you?
Before you're done, you'll believe it, want it, and know what to do about it. We're convinced
that any Goddess can learn if she wants to. Yes, we're talking about you, dear.
EXERCISE: Ejaculation Readiness Checklist
Description
Above all else, this is book about practicing sacred sex. Though there aren't any really
juicy sexual practices that fit in to this introductory chapter, there is a really valuable
exercise you should go through right now.
We've compiled a short checklist for you to fill out so you can find out how ready you
are to let your feminine waters flow. Though it's written in the first person, partners can
replace "I" with "she" and "my" with "her" to rate their beloved's readiness to ejaculate.
For women, ejaculation is the culmination of everything you'll learn in Awakening
The Sacred Gate. You can use this checklist as you progress through it to gauge your
progress. To assist that, we've indicated which chapters will help you raise your score on
each question.
Rating Scale
To complete the quiz, read each statement, close your eyes, take a deep breath, and
feel how much it applies to you. Then score each sentence from 0 to 5 using this rating
scale...
5 completely describes me all the time.
4 mostly describes me.
3 sometimes describes me.
2 only applies to me a little.
1 most often doesn't apply to me.
0 doesn't apply to me at all or I don't know if it does.
Questions
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Copyright © 2003 Tantra At Tahoe 12
1. I love sex and am entirely Proud of it. (Chapter 2)
2. My attitude is completely Sex Positive. (Chapters 2 & 7)
3. My Mind helps me get totally aroused and romantically engaged. (Chapters 3 & 7)
4. I feel safe and Trust my lover, even when that's me. (Chapter 4)
5. I desire to share pleasure and love in my healthy Relationship, even when that's
with myself. (Chapter 4)
6. I Talk freely and openly about sex. (Chapter 4)
7. I can Relax thoroughly during states of high arousal. (Chapter 3)
8. I totally love and accept my Body and all it's parts and fluids. (Chapter 4)
9. I know all the trigger points that give me the best Turn-On. (Chapter 5)
10. My tissues and erogenous zones are free and Supple. (Chapter 7)
11. The Sexual Muscles in my pelvis are strong when I need them and relaxed
otherwise. (Chapter 3)
12. I love Clio and know exactly how to please her. (Chapter 5)
13. I know exactly where my G-Spot is. (Chapter 6)
14. I know exactly how to give my G-Spot maximum Pleasure. (Chapters 6 & 9)
15. I know how to Guide a partner to give me maximum pleasure. (Chapter 8)
16. I show I'm Excited by moving, breathing, making sounds, and expressing
emotions. (Chapter 3)
17. I can easily and reliably Orgasm. (Chapter 8)
18. I have Multiple, extended, continuous full-body orgasms. (Chapter 8)
19. I know how to relax, Let Go, and push out to ejaculate. (Chapter 10)
20. I want to Shower myself and my beloved with my divine nectar. (Chapter 10)
Scoring
Total your scores with a maximum possible 100. If your total is...
Above 80 You're ready to go for it.
Between 60 and 80 You're close.
Between 40 and 60 You've got some work to do.
If your score is below 40, you'll want to take every practice in this ebook really
seriously, using them to create a long-term program. The good news is that you have so
much great fun and juicy pleasure awaiting you. We envy you all the growth and selfdiscovery
ahead. You can expand your sexuality, we're sure of that.
So what are you waiting for?
Male G-Spot
We don't for a minute want to perpetuate the perceived inequity of the sexes. In Tantra,
everything is a merger of male and female energies. Both exchange, interact, and interchange
roles to create a balanced partnership. Which is why our bonus chapter focuses on the male GSpot,
known in scientific circles as the male prostate.
Both genders will undoubtedly want to better understand men's other powerful orgasmic
trigger - the one inside, not the one hanging between his legs. If you're a man, it's time to get
excited about the incredible new sensations ahead. If you're a woman, you'll want to learn how
to do your man the way this ebook will teach him to do you.
The male prostate is the seat of divine, long-lasting, powerful orgasms for the man, without
ejaculation and sometimes even without a hard-on. Oh, my, doesn't that sound like a different
experience?
Awakening The Sacred Gate June 2003
Copyright © 2003 Tantra At Tahoe 13
Ironic, isn't it, that highly sexual Tantric women routinely ejaculate when they choose, while
highly trained Tantric men rarely ejaculate. We like to call this the ultimate Tantric paradox.
EXERCISE: Sacred Gate Discussion Questions
Here are some questions to journal, reflect on, or talk about...
• Do you know how to find and excite your or your partner's Sacred Gate?
• Are you or your partner more easily orgasmic from clio or yoni play?
• Have you or a female partner ever ejaculated?
1.4 Chapters Overview Section
How To Read This Ebook
Like most books, we arranged this volume in order. Later stuff builds on earlier stuff.
Orgasms and ejaculation depend on understanding the different kinds of massage and sexual
strokes. Stroking depends on understanding anatomy. Making the most of any turn-on depends
on learning the Tantric art of channeling Kundalini energy. The further you get in this ebook,
the more we'll be referring to earlier concepts and skills.
Tantra honors spontaneity. If you're anything like us, you'll be sorely tempted to skip ahead
to the good stuff right away. Since we honor that, we've tried to accommodate you as best we
can.
Remember that the practices spread throughout each chapter contain the core of what you'll
learn. More than concepts, the later skills you want to develop definitely depend on previous
ones. So if you do jump around, we can't promise it will work for action learning.
As a fallback, here's a little overview of each chapter. If you get lost somewhere along the
way, come back here and use this orientation to decide what you missed.
Tantric Terms
Have you already noticed that we like to use Tantric terms instead of the "normal" words for
sexual parts and actions?
Somehow, medical terms or slang expressions don't create the Tantric mood and approach
that makes sex sacred. We'll be interchanging Tantric terms to encourage you to get out of your
old preconceptions and more into the merger of sex with spirit. That's why we really encourage
you to read Chapter 2 next, Sacred Tantric Sexuality.
Just in case you do skip around, we'll redefine our special words occasionally. If you get
confused, there's a complete glossary at the end.
Here's a short listing of the main ones to help you get familiar...
Amrita = Female ejaculate, nectar of the gods.
Jewels = Genitals
Kundalini = Sexual or orgasmic energy
Maithuna = Sexual intercourse, sacred union
Sacred Gate = G-Spot
Sacred Union = Sexual intercourse
Vajra = Penis
Yoni = Vagina/Vulva
Before we forget, Tantra views everyone as a reflection of divine powers. Often you'll find
us referring to the fair sex as the Goddess.
Chapter Overview
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Here is a little bit about each chapter of Awakening The Sacred Gate. Since you're nearly
done with the Introduction Chapter, do we have to explain what's in it?
Sacred Tantric Sexuality Chapter
The Sacred Tantric Sexuality Chapter gets more specific about enhancing your Tantric skills
and beginning to weave the magic. It explains how to use sexual pleasure as a spiritual f***e.
Creating attitude, mood, and intention to reach untold heights of ecstasy starts here. Read this
chapter to understand the dance between male and female energies and forever after approach
loveplay with reverence, awe, and excitement.
Kundalini Energy Chapter
The Kundalini Energy Chapter introduces you to a subtle f***e inside you that can sweep
you away like nothing else. We call it orgasmic energy and it's the key to Tantric energy
orgasms. To harness this power, you'll learn how to use the four cornerstones of Supreme Bliss
and build the sexual muscles that regulate your orgasms and your ejaculations. When you've
mastered these simple skills, you can turn the slightest arousal into the most satisfying
explosion you've ever had.
Tantric LovePlay Chapter
Any kind of intimacy can be so exciting that we like to use the word loveplay instead of
foreplay. Did you know that Tantrikas are capable of having ecstatic experiences and powerful
orgasms from subtle touch, breathing, or even fantasy? Well, they can. We don't like to
perpetuate the common pattern of rushing through arousal to the good stuff: intercourse
(followed by sl**p).
It's certainly true that turn-on is essential to Sacred Gate Orgasm and female ejaculation,
whatever way you seek them. Which is why our Tantric LovePlay Chapter will help you get
hot, ready, and in the mood for incredible new experiences. It includes tips on sensual massage,
intimacy, and some very special titillating treats from the Kama Sutra.
Sacred Landscape Chapter
The Sacred Landscape Chapter could be titled anatomy, but we're going to look under the
hood for more than just flesh and bones. What are the sensitive parts of yoni? How do they fit
together? Where is the G-Spot? With the fun practices in this chapter, you'll really enjoy
discovering your own or your partner's hidden secrets. When you're done, you'll be able to
navigate the feminine geography with insight, confidence, and respect.
Sacred Gate Massage Chapter
It's one thing to find a woman's Sacred Gate and another for her to thoroughly enjoy it being
playing with. The Sacred Gate Massage Chapter will teach you the four basic strokes inside
yoni and umpteen variations. When you're in the thick of it, you'll really appreciate our learning
philosophy: practice, practice, practice. Whether you're giving or receiving, we bet that you'll
really enjoy exercising your sexual potential here.
Yoni Healing Chapter
If your energy channels are so wide open that you can make yourself orgasm simply with
your mind, Tantric sexual healing may not be essential for you. For the rest of us who've
accumulated lots of emotional and psychological baggage around sex, here's a great chance to
clean house. The Yoni Healing Chapter demonstrates how we all store issues in our tissues and
what to do to release them from yoni. It feels great to use pleasure to direct Kundalini as a
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cleansing and revitalizing f***e. Inhibitions, wounds, traumas be gone! Make way for supreme
ecstasy.
Ecstatic States Chapter
Ecstasy is intense joy, delight, and elated bliss. It's an extraordinary elevation of the spirit by
overwhelming emotion so intense that you're carried away beyond the reach of rational
thoughts and ordinary impressions. That's the promise and reality of Sacred Gate Orgasm for
those who travel this sacred path.
The Ecstatic States Chapter breaks down the orgasmic experience into its components so
you can learn to dance and cavort at new levels of excitement and awareness. You'll learn about
clio orgasms, G-Spot orgasms, blended orgasms, and how they merge with Tantric energy
orgasms. We'll show you how to have a single one, multiple ones, and really really long ones.
In this chapter you'll find specific practices that enable you to play in the O-Zone for hours.
The O-Zone is the high plateau of ecstasy we call the Orgasm Zone. When you reach it, you'll
float continuously with intense, multiple, and extended full-body mind-blowing orgasms. Your
mind will drift and your body will feel weightless, as if you and the universe were one.
Kama Sutra Sex Positions Chapter
The Kama Sutra is a fascinating compilation of earlier works about the social customs and
sexual techniques in the upper classes of India around the turn of the common era. In spite of its
limitations, it offers frank advice about sexual union, especially the fit of vajras (penises) in
yonis (vaginas). It graphically explains why size doesn't matter so much when you know how
to adjust for jewel (genital) fit to make just about any penetration ecstatic. The Kama Sutra
didn't include Tantric methods of creating Supreme Bliss regardless of anatomy. Our Kama
Sutra Sex Positions Chapter combines its detailed classification of lovemaking postures with
sacred sexuality for the most intense G-Spot pleasure.
Female Ejaculation Chapter
In the Female Ejaculation Chapter, we'll explore the nature of amrita (female ejaculate),
where it comes from, what it looks like, how it tastes, how you make it flow, and how you can
get someone else to help you gush. We'll need to start by getting you to honor the Goddess's
nectar and look forward to being showered. This may be one of the most graphic step-by-step
training manuals you'll ever see. It includes using fingers, sex toys, and vajras.
Male G-Spot Bonus Chapter
Your free bonus included in this ebook, the Male G-Spot Chapter, really digs in to the male
prostate (pun intended) and why it's so orgasmic for men who've been trained to enjoy it. Men
and their partners will learn how to find, approach, and excite it from outside and inside.
Although it may sound strange initially, the pleasure you can experience makes it well worth
facing your fears and prejudices and just going for it. Imagine having Kundalini energy surging
through your body for long periods of time, rivaling the best ejaculatory orgasm you've ever
had. For sure, there's a learning process that the practices of this chapter lay out in detail.
Ultimately, many men favor these kinds of orgasms over the conventional kind.
Conclusion Chapter
We wrap up with a juicy story that leads you through what you've learned in explicit detail.
Sacred sex is a perpetual journey so we'll give you some ideas about how to continue on the
path to higher and higher bliss. This final chapter also includes our complete glossary,
recommended reading list for further study, and music suggestions. We've also collected the
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sex toys and other products we've recommended and where to get more information and buy
them.
EXERCISE: Chapters Discussion Questions
Here are some questions to journal, reflect on, or talk about...
• Which chapters interest you most?
• Will you move through them in order or where will you go first?
• Which practices sound like they will most benefit you?
• When and how will you make time to practice regularly?
1.5 Closing Section
"The Tantric way is open to all the richness of human nature, which it accepts without a single
restriction. It is probably the only spiritual path that excludes nothing and no one, and, in this way, it
corresponds to the deep aspirations of men and women today." ----- Daniel Odier in Tantric Quest:
An Encounter with Absolute Love
Be A Confident Lover
Tantra says yes to all that you are. We say yes to your desire to be a playful, confident,
spontaneous, satisfying lover. We want you to feel pleasure with all aspects of lovemaking. We
want you to know what to do to experience ecstasy inside as well as help your partner get there.
We want you to be able to flow and respond lovingly with whatever you may encounter within
yourself and with your partner.
This ebook can help you get there.
The information is this ebook will give you the confidence to be a better lover. Being a good,
or even a great lover, demands an attitude of openness, a desire to learn, the ability to
communicate, and the knowledge of what it is you're doing. Although none of what you're
about to learn is difficult, it does require dedicated practice.
Pictures are great. Words are priceless. But without practice you probably won't gain the
confidence necessary.
Whether you're the giver or the receiver, male or female, the more you practice with timely
helpful feedback, the faster and better you'll learn. This is all part of Tantra's main theme of
raising consciousness in areas normally ruled by shame, fear, and guilt.
What's Unique About All This?
We've read a host of detailed books about sex, bodies, and sexual techniques, some helpful,
some fantastic, some inaccurate, and some out-of-date. Now that science and medicine are
becoming more willing to investigate sexuality, especially the long-ignored arena of female
sexuality, the picture has changed. We understand more about what's really going on inside the
human body.
We've studied, taken lots of inspirational workshops, and practiced extensively to
encourage spirit to move within us. This continuing work-in-progress has transformed our lives
dramatically.
The promise of sacred sexuality is the merger of both. In our experience, few resources
bridge the gap between sex and spirit enough. So we wrote Awakening The Sacred Gate to fuse
the two ecstatically for you.
Sure, it's about how to give and get better orgasms than you ever imagined. Yes, it's about
revering sex as sacred, using its power to connect and heal, and learning to surrender joyously
with total abandon.
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We do all that by integrating ancient spiritual attitudes and Tantric practices with modern
awareness of sexuality. Yes, if we do say, we teach technique better than anything we've seen.
Most important, we present more than technique, more than doing your honey.
Make The Most Of Divine Play
Here you'll learn how to enjoy Tantric Sex as a true partnership, where neither of you is
passive, where you both give and receive simultaneously. Awakening The Sacred Gate is really
about reaching a spiritual state of intimate communion through divine sexual play.
When you master what follows, you'll be able to combine intense stimulation of orgasmic
triggers from the outside with powerful energy expansion inside. Far more than the delightful
explosion of orgasm, you will ascend to the Orgasm Zone of Supreme Bliss.
Life is a journey. We want you to live it fully. Your body is your temple, your soul connects
you to the universe. You have all the tools within you. We offer you the information necessary
to achieve new heights of ecstasy and pleasure which is your birthright. All you have to do is
play with them.
We look forward to meeting you up there.
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Chapter 2: Sacred Tantric Sexuality
"Tantra is a cult of ecstasy, a personal religion based on the mystical experience of joy rather than
established dogma. It is worship; it is energizing and life-giving Tantric art, writings, and
religious rituals glorify sex. Tantrics are anti-ascetic; they affirm life. They teach the discovery of
the divine through the exhaltation of the total human. They use all of the senses, the mind and the
spirit to reach mystic peaks."
---- Kamala Devi in The Eastern Way of Love
2.1 Opening Section
Purposes
The purposes of this chapter are to...
• Understand the pivotal role pleasure plays in life.
• Learn how Tantric Sex is different.
• Give you some basic tools of sacred sexuality.
Tantra Says "Yes!"
• Do you want to be engulfed hour after hour by ecstatic orgasmic vibrations?
• Do you want to completely submerge in love-bliss with your beloved?
• Do you want to float on a cloud of peak prolonged pleasure?
• Do you want to transform your mood, emotions, and stress level into vibrant serenity?
Enduring delight?
If you answered "yes, Yes, YES!", then you have some magical transformation to look
forward to with Supreme Bliss Tantra.
We figure most of you bought this ebook to learn about unleashing the amazing power of
the G-Spot to create wet and screaming orgasms. We will teach you world-class massage
strokes, sex positions, and female ejaculation in later chapters.
Recognize that we can't guarantee cosmic mind-blowing orgasms or life-altering personal
transformation from sexual techniques alone. You need the power of the ancient secrets of
Tantra for that. What truly makes this ebook unique is the integration of Tantric practices with
the latest information on G-Spot massage, orgasms, and female ejaculation.
Why Read This Chapter
Tantra is the ancient Eastern spiritual practice of sacred sexuality. It focuses on the pleasure
we create by merging male and female energies. It's a unique attitude towards sex, love, and all
of life itself.
The purpose of this chapter is to explain what Tantra is, why you should care, and how
Tantric Sex can supercharge your love life so much more than by just diddling the right parts
with the right strokes.
As much as you want to skip ahead to the "good stuff," we urge you to read this chapter
about opening your sexuality to whole new dimensions. Your spirit is where the true power of
sexual satisfaction lies. You and your sex life will truly never be the same.
Welcome to our approach to sacred sexuality that we call Supreme Bliss Tantra.
2.2 Tantra Section
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"Tantra does not require "believing in" something, or even "agreeing with" anything. There is
nothing to accept on blind faith. The validity of Tantric teachings and practices lies in our own
experience, our own inner process. We don't have to take anyone's word for anything. No one is
asking us to believe anything. There is no dogma. The only way we can truly practice Tantra is to
give up our concepts of what we think is happening and see what is actually happening. Through
the process of Kundalini awakening we open up to inner or intuitive knowledge. The Shakti
stimulates insights and breakthroughs. We practice Tantra and relate these practices to our dayto-
day life. We become more fulfilled and powerful." ----- Gurumayi Chidvilasananda
Supreme Bliss Tantra
Supreme Bliss is the zenith of sexual ecstasy that transforms Kundalini, or orgasmic energy,
into expanded consciousness. Tantra believes that all energy is life f***e energy.
Supreme Bliss Tantra is the modern system of personal transformation based on the ancient
Eastern spiritual path that uses Kundalini energy practices to...
• deepen love, intimacy and ecstasy
• extend lovemaking, and
• create continuous full-body mind-altering Tantric Orgasms.
By opening your senses of the present moment, embracing all of life and all of your being,
and focusing on pleasure as a divine gift, Supreme Bliss Tantra...
• heals your mind, body, and spirit,
• connects you passionately with your deeper self and your beloved, and
• immerses you deeply into the untold joys of sacred sexuality to reach cosmic peaks of
pleasure making life an ecstatic journey in total communion with all that is.
Wow! Can you see why we're so jazzed about it?
Ancient Tradition Without Fear
The word Tantra comes from the roots "to expand, extend, and weave." Tantrikas, adepts at
Tantric practice, extend their awareness, heighten their sensitivity, expand their consciousness,
and weave all the energies of life together to affirm joyous living.
Tantra emerged thousands of years ago in India, moving to China and Tibet as a grass-roots
rebellion against the repressive hierarchical religions of the day. Back then, to even reach for
enlightenment required lifetimes of denying desire and doing penance for past-life karma.
Tantra opened the doors of spiritual evolution to everyone, regardless of their social status.
If you're worried about what you're getting yourself into, don't. Tantra isn't a religion based
on faith, dogma, or right living. You don't have to join, carry a card, cut your hair, or wear
robes.
Since it's not really a philosophy, it has no rules, qualifications, or requirements. There's no
code of behavior, no punishment for sin, and no pot of gold waiting for you in the afterlife at
the end of the rainbow.
If you're seeking inner peace, higher consciousness, a more fulfilling sex life with a new
partner, or rekindling the earlier fire with a longtime mate, the erotic sacred wisdom of India
and other Eastern cultures can help.
East Meets West
In the modern West, we stress the power of knowledge and thought. What you know
determines what you can do. You measure success through work hard, accumulation material
wealth, and caring for your relationship and f****y.
You reap physical pleasures, moments of happiness, and a high quality of living.
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In the traditional East, the quality of inner life -- not the process of living -- was more
important. Inner peace free from raging mind chatter was and is most important. Inner stillness
free from the ravages of the pursuit of success and the fear of failure. Inner harmony free from
relationship ups and downs by loving yourself most.
You reap Supreme Bliss by experiencing joy in every breath, every tree, every flower, every
moment.
Tantra is the bridge between the East and West -- the path to the joy of the soul through full
awareness of the physical world. By learning to make love consciously, fully, spiritually, you
transcend the outer school of hard knocks and grow into total acceptance of your inner self
while living in the world.
In Tantra, sacred sex is a path, not an end.
Tantra Means Let It Be
Being a spiritual art and practice, Tantra is primarily a way of life leading to deeper
meaning and enlightenment. It guides you to harness the raw power of love and sex to fuel
higher consciousness and promote personal transformation.
Tantrikas welcome all aspects of life, whether frowned upon by society or not. Adepts exult
in living each moment completely, and practice pleasure as a high-priority discipline.
Sophisticated lovemaking skills are revered as an alchemical science and creative art form.
Instead of viewing sex as dirty, low, or base, the original Tantras viewed the energy you
experience during sex as a powerful, creative, healing, and even divine f***e.
Since many of us have repressed sexual urges, feelings, and thoughts, when we harness our
innate sexuality, it becomes a powerful f***e, an accelerated doorway to personal growth and
change.
Without d**gs, Tantrikas deliberately induce altered states of ecstasy to create mystical
experiences of transcendental oneness with the universe. We figure, why not enjoy ourselves
while evolving?
Tantra says if we suppress the inner f***es stemming from our natural self, they won't
disappear. They'll just fester and manifest in our lives in an unhealthy manner.
We don't fight, resist, or reject anything.
Personal suppression can only produce mental warfare and internal stress. We release all
stress as a useless struggle with no winners, only losers. We let go of the futile attempt to stop
things that are happening from happening.
Maybe that's what Paul McCartney was singing about in "Let It Be."
EXERCISE: Beliefs Discussion Questions
This is a good time to write in your journal, talk to a friend, or discuss the following with
your partner on the following topics...
• What are your beliefs about sex? Good, bad, etc.
• What do you like most and least about sex?
• What about sex do you disapprove of?
• What about sex do you fear?
If you don't come up with an answer at first, please dig deeper. The more you know about
yourself, the more likely your sex life will expand and be terrific all your life.
Raise Consciousness
Raising consciousness is the heart and soul of Tantra.
So many people are swept through life looking at pictures in the mind instead of living with
full awareness of each moment. They spend their time and energy dwelling on the past, plotting
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the future, and comparing the current state of affairs to a set of pre-recorded subconscious
tapes.
To counteract the programming that keeps us distracted and to quiet compulsive left-brain
thinking, Tantra teaches us to focus our attention on the present.
Tantra shows us how to exist in this moment, become totally absorbed in the "now," and
open our inner windows to the world fully. This activates our right brain that contributes to a
presence more deeply rooted in spirit.
We do this by heightening our five senses -- sight, smell, taste, touch, and hearing. We
become dedicated to enjoying the physical fully by reveling in eating, drinking, massaging,
dancing, and making love.
We learn to live in harmony with whatever life serves up, whether on a silver platter or bed
of thorns. That's partly why Tantrikas major in surrender -- just letting things happen of their
own accord without resistance.
This whole approach to life suggests we should just give up goal orientation, enter each
experience without expectations, and just live fully in each moment.
PRACTICE: Sitting Meditation
Description
Tantra aims to raise consciousness. It's not a philosophy but a collection of spiritual
and sexual practices. A logical question, then, is how can you practice raising
consciousness?
Soon we'll show you how to this with sex. For sex to be sacred, transformative, and
awesome, you must approach it with the right attitude. That attitude is meditation.
Which is a great way to practice consciousness.
Meditation is simply sitting and emptying the mind. It's not an essential prerequisite
for joyous Sacred Gate massage, but it sure helps when you enter yoni with the right
attitude. We describe it here for you to experiment with.
Since you can't f***e thoughts away, emptying the mind is more challenging than it
sounds. Gurus have developed many meditation techniques down through the ages that
can help you quiet the inner talk and enter a "no mind" condition. We've tried many of
them and they all seek to create a deep inner peace filled with stillness.
Purpose
Sitting Meditation just guides you to watch your breath. The simple relaxation
method is good preparation for what's coming, because conscious breathing is one of the
Tantric skills used in the sexual practices that follow.
1. SPACE
Make some free time in a quiet uninterrupted space. You can do this next to a partner,
but, since it's a personal private inner experience, it's not essential. Yes, you have to turn
off your phone, answering machine, pager, and TV. Be brave, let go of the remote for
just a few moments.
2. SIT
Sit in a comfortable position. The classic posture is the lotus position with one leg
crossed over the other. We can't get all the way there, and it may not be easy for you
either. Get as close as you can to this posturing, insuring that you sit upright at least. A
great aid is a "zafu," a round Japanese meditation pillow that's firm and shaped like a fat
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pancake. It helps you keep your pelvis higher than your semi-crossed legs. You can also
meditate sitting straight in a comfortable chair or sofa.
3. BE
Meditation is not doing anything -- it's simply being. So don't set any goals or
preconceptions of what's going to happen. Just sit for a moment and relax.
4. WITNESS
As you settle in to a comfortable state, you'll undoubtedly discover that your mind is
busy. Don't do anything about it, just let it happen. Witness ideas floating by like clouds
in a brisk wind.
5. WATCH YOUR BREATH
To quiet the mind without f***e, watch your breath coming in and out. Don't change
your breathing consciously, just pay attention to it entering your nostrils, flowing into
your lungs, and out again.
6. COME BACK
You'll probably find your concentration wandering away from your breath. Don't
beat yourself up, this is natural. When you realize you've strayed, just come back to
watching your breath.
7. A FEW MINUTES
Gurus advise sitting like this for 15 minutes morning and afternoon. Since you
shouldn't be watching the clock, we're not sure how you time it. We usually just remain
still until we relax and the mind settles.
Afterthoughts
Our primary concern here with how meditation helps prepare you for ecstatic sacred
sex and Tantric Orgasm. All we can say is that tension impedes the process and
relaxation is vital for long lasting supreme experiences. It also helps you practice
focusing, an important skill in Tantric lovemaking.
As well, if you incorporate regular meditation into your life, you'll find that it's a
great way to relieve stress, release tension, and relax. One essential requirement for
ecstasy is "relaxation in high states of arousal."
2.3 Pleasure Section
“Pleasure... is a safer guide than either right or duty.” ----- Samuel Butler.
Pleasure First
Tantrikas believe in enjoying life to the fullest. We employ the bedrock of sacred sexual
discipline: practicing pleasure.
Tantra is the true art of living where pleasure NOW becomes the central driving f***e in
each moment.
A central part of this discipline is to increase our capacity to enjoy. We begin to cultivate
good feelings by fully opening our senses and flooding them with stimuli. We learn to accept
more and more sensation and value it highly. We continue by savoring the excitement it brings.
This isn't as easy as it sounds. It requires more than just reserving playtime in our stuffed
calendars. We've got to learn to pursue, cultivate, and surrender to ecstasy with gusto.
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Just when we start feeling good, many of us resist. We're conditioned to believe we're being
selfish, having too much fun, or don't deserve it. We've got to unlearn the guilt and resistance
that's bred into us.
You may be asking, isn't that simply being self centered? Hedonistic? What about love and
relationship? Our focus on pleasure and joy is always toned with consciousness. Because we
know ourselves, we aren't ruled by our u*********s, we act with highest regard for ourselves,
our beloved, and others.
Unless we're centered in our own being, we've not fully present to give love, compassion,
and service.
Deferred Gratification Be Damned!
The dictionary defines pleasure as...
"A source of enjoyment or delight."
"Sensual gratification or indulgence."
You realize that Tantra is a spiritual path creating higher states of consciousness, right? We
believe that simply being happy is a more evolved state. Tantra teaches us to evolve by
heightening our senses and indulging in the gratification they bring us. That's why sexuality is
such a powerful training tool in Tantra. It returns us to our natural condition of simply being
content and fulfilled.
In Tantra we say that pleasure is central, or in other words...
Nothing is more important than feeling good.
Our modern lives revolve so much around deferred gratification. Work for 40 years and
then you can enjoy life. When the k**s grow up, then you'll revive your sex life. No time to relax
now -- wait until next summer's vacation. But in the final analysis, why do you do anything if
you don't believe it will make you feel better eventually? Why wait?
Extract Every Ounce Of Pleasure
The Tantric approach shifts the focus of feeling good to the here and now. Tantra teaches us
how to extract every ounce of joy from the present moment and use that joy to guide our life.
Sacred sexuality is all about being in the moment, relaxing, opening your senses, and
surrendering to subtle waves of pleasure energy that become more and more resounding as you
welcome them.
In Somraj's Tantric ebook for men and the women who love them, Ultimate Ejaculation
Mastery: The Ultimate Ecstatic Solution To Premature Ejaculation, he writes...
"To become pleasure-centered, you need to heighten your sensate focus. That means tuning in to
all your senses: taste, touch, sight, sound, and smell. If you become more sensitive to everything
that's happening all around and all over your body, you can distribute that delicious energy."
Win The Pleasure War Inside
Being pleasure-focused is really criticized in normal society. Just try making feeling good
the center of your universe for one day and see what happens. You've got your work ethic to
uphold, your religious taboos to honor, your prohibitions against being selfish to monitor.
Better not appreciate someone else's physical beauty in business or you'll be accused of sexual
harassment. Often these social injunctions create mental blocks and even get stored in your
body, resisting any attempts to enjoy yourself.
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As a result, we all have our limits to how much pleasure we can accept. If you're a serious
workaholic or a conditioned fundamentalist, you may find that, instead of simply relaxing into
feeling good, your mind floods with thoughts of being undeserving, doing something wrong, or
instead giving to others. These are just some of the mind games that try to talk us out of
pleasure.
EXERCISE: Resistance Discussion Questions
The next time you feel strong pleasure, be extra conscious of your thoughts and reactions.
Whether you're enjoying playing with a c***d, watching a sunset, or engaging in exciting sexual
play, watch what happens inside. Ask yourself...
• Are any of my thoughts resisting the delight I'm experiencing?
• Am I feeling any uncomfortable sensations in my body?
• Do I have any urges to tense up or shift out of what's making me feel good?
PRACTICE: Putting Pleasure First
Description
Do you accept that nothing is more important than feeling good? That pleasure is a
divine gift you we're meant to enjoy? That anything we do, we do because ultimately it
brings us satisfaction?
Tantrikas put pleasure first. We don't wait until we have earned it. Deferred
gratification has little part in our way of life. We believe that our basic nature is one of
joy, bliss, and ecstasy. As we become truly evolved, we become truly happy. That's why
sex is such a large part of Tantric practice. It's training camp for being a fully realized
enlightened being.
Want to experience stronger ecstasy and deeper intimacy? Then practice expanding
your capacity for pleasure. Learn to relax and surrender more. Learn to open your
senses and heighten your sensitivity. Learn to absorb, channel, and recirculate orgasmic
energy. Learn to reach higher and higher peaks of ecstasy and wave after wave of bliss.
Purpose
If you agree with this, here's your chance to test if you're practicing what you're
preaching.
1. LIST PLEASURES
If you've started a Sexual Exploration Journal, use it for this practice. Otherwise, get a
small notebook that you can keep with you. On a new page, list everything that brings
you pleasure. Include the favorite parts of your current life, past peak moments, and
fantasies you get excited just thinking about. Travel, f****y, work, sex, art, sports, music
-- don't leave anything out.
2. PRIORITIZE PLEASURES
On a new page, organize your pleasures in order from most to least. Forget about
practicality here, just focus on what gets your juices flowing and what doesn't.
3. TRACK YOUR TIME
On the top of the next page in your notebook, write today's date. Keep track of how
you spend your time. List your major activities every hour or quarter hour including
sl**ping, eating, etc. Don't just list general terms like "work" or "f****y" but break down
your activities specifically enough so that you can compare your enjoyment of different
things. Do this for at least a typical week.
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4. TOTAL YOUR TIME
After a week or more, add up where you spend your life's time. sl**p will probably
be the largest single chunk. On a new page, list your activities in descending order of
time devoted to them.
5. COMPARE
Compare your top pleasure priorities with your top time blocks. Do you spend your
time in places and with people that bring you pleasure? Which pleasures do you make
time for? Which ones do you ignore? Which ones are you waiting for?
6. CHANGE
Our point is only for you to realize the ways you are taking time for what you enjoy
and the ways you are not. This is the focus that's essential for Tantric Sex, to be fully
engaged in pleasure. Of course, if you want to completely reorganize your life around
your findings, be our guest. No extra charge.
Tantric Healing Is Sexual Healing
Putting pleasure first is a major challenge with arguably the most repressed aspect of
modern Western life. Yes, sex.
Engaging in uninhibited sex requires growth from all of us who've grown up in the modern
world. We carry more moralizing, shame, guilt, and anxiety into the bedroom than anywhere
else in our lives.
Tantra wasn't designed as therapy for our sexual hang-ups and limitations, it just sometimes
turns out that way. When we relax, exercise our erogenous zones, and enjoy our bodies, we
often run into the old baggage that blocks our joy and excitement. We discover that old pains,
wounds, and trauma are stored in our tissues.
Instead of focusing on problems, Tantric practice heals purely through the committed
pursuit of pleasure. By opening our energy channels, we work through any resistance that
surfaces.
We heal our wounds, lose our inhibitions, and release our inner blocks by seeking higher
and higher states of ecstasy. We're left cleansed, relaxed, and free.
If we can become fully natural and spontaneous with sensual play, then we can probably do
it with any of life's f***es.
Craving Touch
All of us crave touch. Don't you?
In this era of high-visibility public campaigns against sexual harassment and c***d abuse,
few of us get enough physical contact with others. In our too-busy high-stress lives, that
probably extends to our newborns and loved ones all too often.
We're strong believers in the healing power of touch. It's a simple blessing, even without
professional training. We recommend frequent the****utic massage for everyone. You know,
the kind that's designed to relax without sexual intent.
Why does touch feel so wonderful? Is it because feeling a soft loving presence on your skin
opens your nervous and circulatory channels? Is it because it opens your energetic
communication channels to the temple that houses your divine spirit? Or is it because we store
our emotional issues in our tissues and massage helps release the unwanted negative energy?
G-Spot Healing
We say yes to all of these reasons. Just consider another vital question? What parts of your
body need tender loving care but rarely get touched without an agenda?
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Yes, your jewels (genitals in Supreme Bliss Tantra).
With all the confusion, wounding, and bad experiences the average person experiences
during life, it's no wonder so many of us end up with inhibitions against physical pleasure and
relaxation.
One of the most powerful ways to heal these sexual issues in your jewel's tissues is through
gentle healing touch of your innermost sensitive spots, the G-Spot (Sacred Gate) foremost
amongst them. We've personally seen the profound releasing that can happen with healing
massage of the Sacred Gate for both men and women. The literature is ripe with story after
story of tremendous sexual opening and transformation this way.
We encourage you to read on, drop you agendas about instant fireworks, and commit to
gradually explore your hidden recesses. With pleasure as your goal, you may experience
amazing Tantric Orgasms right away. Or you may need to slowly release tension from those
places least loved through touch. Either way, the journey is a delight and the destination, a
nirvana of Supreme Bliss.
Be sure to read the chapter on Yoni Healing. There, women will learn the approach, the
attitude, and the techniques for greater opening to pleasure. The Male G-Spot Bonus Chapter
address sexual healing for men, as well.
EXERCISE: Healing Discussion Questions
Here are some questions to reflect on, journal, or talk about...
• How have you been pressured to be sexual in a way that was against your will at the
time?
• How have you been wounded sexually?
• What erogenous zones are sensitive or painful? Always or under certain conditions?
• Do any old thoughts or out-of-proportion emotions crop up when you engage in
sexual play?
• What would you prefer to feel instead of the sensory memories of these painful
experiences?
2.4 Sex Section
"Being fully present in the moment creates no only ecstatic sex but spiritual transcendence." -
---- from Intimacy: A Green Light For Red Hot Sex And A Lifetime Of Loving by Jeffre
TallTrees and Orv. Fry.
Celebrate The Divine Gift
Tantrikas celebrate sexuality as the supreme divine gift.
With Tantra, sex feels so fantastic when you learn to move out of your mind and into your
body fully. Your body becomes ecstatic when it gets in tune with your spirit.
That's why we say it's more meditation than athletics.
Though Tantra is not directly about sexual techniques, Tantrikas become better lovers
through conscious practice. Our experience deepens and opens new levels of intimate
communion. Through the pursuit of pleasure, we release the issues in the tissues that have
blocked our enjoyment. As a result, our erections become stronger, we make love longer, and
we experience bigger and more prolonged orgasms. Even more, we experience ecstatic orgasms
that take us to greater realms than "normal" sex.
Learning the full appreciation of sex teaches us to delight in our bodies and welcome
pleasure. We explore erotic play fully and comprehensively, immersing ourselves fully just as
we do with every other part of life.
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What Is Tantric Sex?
"Remember, if you smoke after sex you're doing it too fast." ---- Woody Allen
Typical modern lovemaking starts with a quick build up and ends with an equally quick
release of sexual tension. Not so in Tantra. Tantric Sex uses the same body parts and physical
actions, but unfolds much differently than the average quickie hurtling downhill towards a
sudden explosion.
Really, we're not against quickies. But what if there was something much much better that
lasted much much longer?
In Tantra, we define S.E.X. as Subtle Energy eXchange. Tantric S.E.X. means any touching or
moving together that connects lovers' inner vibrations. The Sacred Gate (G-Spot) is one of those
highly energetic erogenous zones that strongly activates the flow of Kundalini energy.
Releasing tension and giving in to the urge to climax gets replaced with continuous
streaming vibrations of ecstatic energy. When we enter the altered state of consciousness that
comes with orgasm after orgasm, we simply want to float upon a cloud of bliss together.
Tantric S.E.X. is flowing, spontaneous, and conscious. It's open, intimate, and mutual. Sex
this way is more leisurely, savoring every delicious morsel of pleasure, instead of rushing
headlong towards maximum turn-on rapidly. It's a dance, not a race. Tantric lovers move so
slowly, stopping frequently to settle deeply into the rising tide of pleasure, stretching the
experience out as long as possible.
Tantric S.E.X. is more like sensuously sipping an expensive Cabernet than chugging a sixpack
of brew. It more resembles sampling the delicacies at a gourmet buffet than inhaling a
pepperoni pizza during Monday Night Football. It's certainly more like a twilight stroll through
a perfumed Spring garden with your beloved on your arm than running a hundred-yard dash.
EXERCISE: Tantric Sex Discussion Questions
Here are some questions to reflect on, journal, or talk about...
• What zones of your body get turned on by what kind of stimulation?
• What sexual fantasies have you had?
• What erotic dreams have you had?
• How would you like your sex to be more Tantric?
Drop Your Goals, They'll Look After Themselves
There's no goal in Tantric S.E.X., only the present moment of perfect and harmonious union.
Loveplay in Tantra is all about feeling pleasure intensely for long periods of time, nothing more
and nothing less. It's about building, containing, and circulating Kundalini energy, not losing it.
It's about letting the energy unfold and expand, not trying to make something happen.
We follow no agenda, set pattern, or programmed stages of foreplay and penetration. We
don't rush through the preliminaries to get to the main act. We don't judge success in the sack
by making ourselves or our partner climax. Since we have no goal of giving or receiving
orgasm, anything may happen as the mood strikes the lovers.
That doesn't mean orgasm is unwelcome or avoided. And it doesn't mean that climaxes
aren't incredibly spectacular in Tantric Sex. The many varieties of orgasm we experience are
downright amazing when they overtake us. It just means we let them happen of their own
accord at the highest peaks imaginable.
Don't Miss The Beautiful Fragrance Of The Roses
The problem with being orgasm-focused is that, instead of feeling what you're feeling, you
concentrate on a future goal.
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Pleasure is now, orgasm comes later.
If you focus on later, you miss the delicious energies building inside you now. If you're
continuously comparing your lovemaking to some imagined mental picture, some earlier time,
some hot porno flick, you can't fully appreciate what you're sensing in the moment.
Pleasure is now, orgasms come when they come. And they will come.
We can't argue with the business practice of setting goals and defining expectations up
front. The natural tension of pushing for what you want serves some people as a useful
motivator. But tension blocks the flow of subtle orgasmic energy, the powerful Kundalini f***e
at the root of Tantra's transformative processes.
It's distracting enough to be thinking about coming or trying to prevent it too soon. When
your mind is intent on your partner's climb to orgasm, you can get dragged down into a severe
case of performance anxiety. Then, instead of focusing on feeling good, you spend your energy
worrying about how well you're doing. You get caught up in all those media-hyped standards
of how it's your job to make your partner go wild.
Get Back In The Sack Where You Belong
This takes you out of your body. By ignoring your own sensory input in the moment, you'll
severely limit your ability to run sexual energy throughout your body and experience waves of
orgasmic bliss.
In Ultimate Ejaculation Mastery, Somraj writes...
"Getting out of your head means letting go of so many worries that normally accompany sex even
with long-time partners. So heighten your senses, feel your feelings, enjoy your pleasure with no
agenda, and you'll gradually learn to stay out of your head and into your body."
When you're trying to recreate an earlier ecstatic incident, expecting to go longer than last
time, or wanting a bigger explosion this time, you're taking yourself out of the experience you
want to expand. All too often having expectations just create frustrations which you carry into
later encounters. Soon, simple enjoyment gets bogged down with all these mental standards
and judgments, future agendas and plans.
Instead of thinking, you should just be just playing and having fun.
In contrast, the sexual practice of Tantra guides you to shift from orgasm -- where you
expect a defined ending - to continuously experiencing orgasmic energy for as long as you
choose.
EXERCISE: Sexual Discussion Questions
Here are some questions to reflect on, journal, or talk about...
• Describe a peak ecstatic sexual experience.
• Describe a typical sexual encounter.
• How would you like your sex life to be different?
Speak Up And Enjoy
Are you familiar with that common mental refrain "Am I doing it right?" or the verbal one,
"Did you come yet?"
Because Tantrikas enter into sacred sex without expectations, performance anxiety
disappears. When sex becomes a conscious dance of energies, any mystery about what's
happening with your partner disappears.
If you can picture synchronized swimming with telepathic communication, you'll get some
sense of what Tantric Sex looks like.
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Tantric lovers know that they're each responsible for their own pleasure. They recognize
that erotic experiences begin within. They know what they like, what they prefer in the
moment, and what to pass on during each encounter. They've explored all pleasure triggers and
know when and how they want their Sacred Gate stimulated. They ask for what they want,
voice their reactions, and give lots of feedback. And they do it in a way that enhances intimacy
and contributes to the sensual mood.
Obviously, this kind of authentic interplay requires knowing, accepting, and loving yourself
fully. Then you can be scrupulously honest, totally real, and refreshingly transparent with your
innermost desires. Which leads to knowing, accepting, and loving your beloved.
Partnering Questions
Because Tantrikas use sexual play along with raising awareness, we focus on, talk about,
and study sex more than the average person. But we don't plan things out in detail. We learn to
look inside, understand what we're wanting and feeling now, and then talk about. And we
never do anything to another, even a long-term partner, without their permission.
If you know where you and your partner are both at, it's much easier to relax. If you trust
that your partner will respect your needs and limits, you don't have to maintain tight control all
the time. In Tantric Sex we often focus on preparations so that we haven't a care in the world
during the experience and can become thoroughly spontaneous.
That's why Tantric Sex is uniquely a partnership involving mutual consent, energy balance,
full participation, giving, and receiving. To make sure, we always start any partnered Tantric
practice by discussing three issues...
1) Desires: what you want, intend, or hope will happen,
2) Concerns: what's on your mind or worrying you about it, and
3) Boundaries: lines you don't want your partner to cross.
We call these the Partnering Questions.
For example, before a sensual massage a woman might ask for...
• long slow oiled strokes (desires),
• without things turning too sexual because she's having menstrual cramps (concerns),
• with no yoni penetration (boundaries).
PRACTICE: Partnering Questions
Purpose
The following practice guides you in getting familiar with the three Partnering
Questions by discussing the topic of sex in general. During later practices, you'll use
them to prepare more specifically.
1. LOOK INSIDE
Take a moment to look within and identify how satisfied you are with your current
sex life. Consider what you've had, what you've got, how it's working, how it's not, plus
what you want more of and less of. Include desires, feelings, concerns, frustrations, and
fantasies. The more honestly you can do this, the better your coming experiences will be.
2. ONE PARTNER PRESENTS
One explains their desires, concerns, and boundaries regarding sex with the other.
The other partner should simply listen, acknowledge, and ask for clarification only if
necessary to understand. A minute each is usually sufficient for each question.
3. OTHER PARTNER PRESENTS
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Exchange roles so the other partner can explain their answers to the three questions.
4. NEGOTIATE
If there are differences in desires or boundaries that conflict, discuss what you can do
to honor each other's wishes.
Tantra 101
So you'll know what to expect, let us introduce you to some of the basic Tantra principles
you'll find appearing in this book over and over...
• Relax and go with the flow, allowing natural f***es to run their course.
• Don't be inhibited and don't resist healthy impulses,
• Be supremely conscious of everything while watching and enjoying.
• Be present in the moment and open your physical senses.
• Make love on multiple levels: sex, heart, and spirit.
• Focus on pleasure in the moment, not simply on achieving the big O,
• You are responsible for your own pleasure and responses.
• Know what you desire, what your boundaries are, and voice them.
• Empty your mind of goals and anxieties, letting sex become a timeless blissful
meditation.
• Allow orgasm to become a sacred energy event, separate and distinct from ejaculation
and physical orgasm.
2.5 Sacred Sex Section
“Tantric Buddhism is the much misunderstood practice of using the sexual energy as a way of
exploring spirituality...using sex as a gateway to a richer and deeper spiritual experience, and
using spirituality as a means of expanding the sex act into one of erotic symbolism and
meditation.” ----- Richard Craze in A Beginner’s Guide To Tantric Sexuality
Why Do You Call Tantra Sacred Sex?
In many circles, the word Tantra is synonymous with sacred sexuality. How can we make
such an outrageous claim?
In part, that's because the original Tantras taught sex as a path to higher consciousness. If
you employ your superabundance of sexual energy as fuel for growth, then you'll experience
our private definition of Tantra, too -- the fast track to enlightenment.
Further, Tantric LovePlay is a way to bring sexuality into harmony with spirituality, making
sexual love a sacrament of sacred union.
No, You Don't Have To Go To Tantra Church For Great Sex
If you're religious, you can easily adopt the view that everything on earth -- including sex --
is God's gift. Your body is a temple that houses your soul. Or if you lean towards the more
pagan traditions, the Goddess who is love gave us sex as a reward for honoring spirit.
Either way, it's our spiritual imperative to accept this supreme offering and revel in it. Don't
you agree?
We connect lust, love, and life f***e by making love on multiple levels. Tantra is sacred sex
because we merge all our energies inside by connecting the sex, heart, and spirit chakras (the
energy centers up and down the body in line with the spine). And share each with our beloved.
Tantra teaches that we're all a reflection of higher powers. In our rituals, we always include
a namasté, the traditional Eastern palms together over the heart with a bow. Namaste´ means
"the divine light within me honors the divine light within you."
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Whatever way you cut it, Tantric LovePlay operates on a different plane than pure a****l
attraction.
PRACTICE: Heart Salutation
Description
Try this little greeting and closing gesture as a way of showing your respect for the
life f***e of your partner. We do it each time we make love or when we're doing other
joint practices. Though it just takes a moment and is silent, the intense eye contact
creates an intimacy that sometimes leads to exchanging heartfelt appreciation of each
other.
Purpose
To learn a simple way to show Tantric respect for the divine qualities of your partner.
1. SIT
Sit cross legged in front of each other as close as you can get. Comfortably make eye
contact.
2. HANDS DOWN
Put your palms together pointing down, both of you. Touch the floor in front of you
still making eye contact.
3. IN BREATH
Pull your hands, palms still together, up to your hearts as you each take a deep slow
breath still making eye contact.
4. VISUALIZE
As you breathe in and move your hands up, visualize the energy of the earth being
drawn into your hands and then into your heart.
5. LEAN FORWARD
Keeping your hands on your hearts, lean forward and touch foreheads in a "third eye
kiss" as you slowly exhale. Visualize the energy exchanging between you.
6. PART
Lean back as you take another deep breath, keeping your hands on your heart. Some
like to close their eyes at this point as they take their energy back inside.
7. RELAX
As you visualize energy being returned to the earth on your second out breath, move
your hands back down to the floor in front of you and open your eyes.
Ritual Engineers An Energy Conversion
In India, traditional Tantrikas spent many years under the guidance of a spiritual teacher
engaged in elaborate yogic rituals to purify the body and master the mind. These practices were
intended to awaken the powerful psychic energies through which the adept could enter into
higher states of consciousness. Only when a disciple was deemed ready did he or she partake in
sexual rites with a partner.
We don't approach teaching modern Tantric S.E.X. in such a rigorous disciplined way. But
we approach it as if entering a holy temple on the path to liberation of body, mind, and spirit.
Ritual in Tantra is just a way of honoring of each other as reflections of the divine. We
choose to look through the outer shell and see into our own and our beloved's inner beings.
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When Somraj began learning Tantra, he approached sexual play on the extreme masculine
side of the spectrum. Ritual was not part of his vocabulary much less experience.
But, of course, love is a powerful behavior modifier. While stricken with infatuation with
the Tantric pioneer, Dhyan Jeffre, he surrendered to frequent Tantric ritual.
After a few sessions of Tantric ecstasy, the energy itself engineered a conversion. He said...
"There wasn't any rote prostration before a jealous deity to placate in these rituals. Rather, they
were spontaneous motions which created a reverent mood celebrating love, sex, and the abundant
joy of the universe."
Ritual made loveplay feel different -- intimate, sacred, more present.
EXERCISE: Sacred Sex Discussion Questions
Here are some questions to reflect on, journal, or talk about...
• How do you feel about viewing sex as sacred?
• What other energies would you like to bring into your sexual encounters (spiritual,
heartfelt, c***dlike, spontaneous, a****l, etc.)
• What would make you feel safer, more loved, more adored, more blessed during
sexual play?
Creating A Sacred Space
We call preparing the setting for practices and lovemaking, creating a Sacred Space. It's a
space we choose, take loving care in preparing, and dedicate to the higher purpose of sacred
sex.
If you don't have a spare room that you can decorate and reserve for Tantric LovePlay, you
can create the environment you want in your living room or bedroom. In fact, there's a benefit
to setting up each time, as you get to ponder the kind of experience or energy you want to
create right now. It also stimulates your creativity and focus, helping you resist the great f***e
of habit that makes some of us take things for granted at times.
What does ritual include?
• Putting on beautiful clothing that accentuates our sexuality like sarongs and jewelry
with sensual, smooth, soft flowing cloth.
• Creating an altar near our practice area that contains meaningful statues, pictures of
our teachers, power objects like crystals and feathers.
• Cleansing the space with sage or scents, calling in the energies we want to invoke, and
expressing gratitude.
This kind of ritual is simply our way getting ready to fully appreciate the joys of Tantric
S.E.X. It takes conscious attention to create the mood inside and out. Remove the distractions,
intentionally set up the ambiance, and then your only work is the inner kind.
We don't have any strict rites required. Coupled with the eclectic spontaneity of Tantra,
there's no right or wrong way to do ritual. You just do what strikes you in the moment, keeping
in mind the general guidelines we suggest in the Sacred Space Practice.
PRACTICE: Sacred Space
Description
Here are some of the things you should consider doing while creating your Sacred
Space. Remember, you eventually want to do it your way. Don't feel wedded to this
program but experiment to discover what feels good to you.
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We suggest you print out this practice, including the closing step, so you'll be able to
refer to it in later practices.
Purpose
To practice creating a Sacred Space.
1. CLEAN-UP
Clean-up dust, dirt, stray objects, and loose clothing.
2. DECORATE
Decorate with sarongs, wall hangings, art, flowers.
3. CENTERPIECE
Place a beautiful sarong on the bed or cushion as the center of your practice.
4. MUSIC
Set up a music player with chosen music loaded and playing. Have a remote control
handy, if you have one.
5. OTHER SENSES
Place candles, bells, incense, and the like around to titillate your other senses.
6. ALTAR
Create a dedicated area as an altar for special power objects dedicated to your love,
your guru, your lifestyle, your relationship, etc.
7. CALL IN ELEMENTS
We call in the basic elements honored by the Native Americans -- water, earth, air,
spirit -- from the compass directions beginning with the South.
8. CAST OUT
We first walk around the center of the space counterclockwise, verbally casting out
the energies, emotions, and attitudes we choose to leave out of our space.
9. CALL IN
Then we walk around clockwise, calling in energies, emotions, and attitudes we want
included.
10. INVITE
We finally invite the spirit and energy of our teachers, mentors, and ancestors into
our space.
Closing
To close the Sacred Space, we also encourage a short ritual after every Tantric experience,
including...
• After a powerful orgasm, lying in each other's arms is a sweet way to cool down.
• After a practice session, comparing reactions is always interesting.
• It's endearing to exchange compliments, acknowledgments, sweet everythings.
• Feedback is a great way for a partnership to grow and evolve amicably.
• Verbally release the elements from the directions and any spirits you've invoked.
• And of course we conclude with another Heart Salutation.
2.6 Shiva Shakti Section
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"Shiva and Shakti, the inseparable divine couple, are the gods of the ecstatic dance and the
creators of the yoga that allows adepts to rediscover the divine at the root of their own minds by
opening the heart." ----- Daniel Odier in Tantric Quest: An Encounter with Absolute Love
Look What Happens When Male & Female Love Juices Merge
The earliest Tantras are writings in ancient Indian books thousands years old that describe
secret sexual rituals, disciplines, and meditations.
More than anyone else in modern times, the Indian mystic and spiritual teacher, Osho, is
responsible for popularizing Tantra in the West. For so long, the earth-shaking truths of the old
scriptures were inaccessible due to their secret codes and obscure language. Osho translated not
just the words but the spirit of living Tantrically.
These esoteric Hindu texts were written in the form of a dialogue between the god Shiva
and his consort, Shakti.
According to the myth, Shiva and Shakti, the archetypal male and female, created the
universe by making love. The physical world sprang from the love juices dripping from their
bodies. The union of their energies was needed to create the whole.
Quite a contrast to the tale of Adam and Eve, right?
Today, Tantrikas revere Shiva as the pure embodiment of the masculine f***e culminating
in cosmic consciousness, and Shakti as the feminine principle embodying pure creative energy.
This isn't worship of supreme beings as in organized religions. Rather, it's our way of
honoring the f***es of nature that exist within each of us. We simply use Shiva and Shakti as
convenient symbols to focus the growth of our own divine qualities.
In short, Tantrikas honor both our inner male and female regardless of our biological
gender.
Yin Yang Unite
Tantra teaches you to revere your sexual partner and to transform the act of sex into a
sacrament of love. Tantra teaches that lovemaking between a man and woman, when entered
into with awareness, is a gateway to both sexual and spiritual ecstasy.
An essential part of understanding Tantra is recognizing the alchemy of blending female
and male energies. The Chinese call these yin and yang.
Western society artificially separates our masculine and feminine energies by discouraging
the development of the opposite qualities. You know that men are taught to hide their soft
receptive nurturing side and women are traditionally encouraged to hide their f***eful
leadership and dynamic power. But, truly, we all have both sets of energies and need to exercise
them all for a fulfilling life.
Tantra encourages each gender to cultivate the latent f***es of the other. If men seek their
intrinsic truths on the Tantric path, they'll invariably discover their supple, receptive, sensitive,
and vulnerable side, without losing their masculinity.
Women will discover their strong leadership, dynamic initiative, and teaching powers while
retaining their femininity. These new qualities add to the strengths consistent with our outer
gender which we've already learned to exercise.
What Do Real Men & Women Eat?
So what do you think...
• Do real men eat quiche?
• Do real women eat bullets?
The Tantric answer is to eat whatever floats your cork in the moment.
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Why do we bother telling you this story? Because to reach the sublime heights of Tantric
ecstasy, you need more than technique. Without a deeper understanding of energy dynamics,
you might think the best female lovers completely submit to their partners who dominate
everything. This is only half right.
To be receptive to the powerful energies Sacred Gate massage and ejaculation release, a
woman needs to be able to fully surrender to being penetrated, physically, emotionally, and
spiritually. This takes courage, strength, and supreme confidence in herself. You see, the
receiver is the only one who really knows what's going inside in each moment. To reach ecstatic
heights, the woman must guide the experience. She must be so calm and secure in controlling
her partner that she doesn't disturb her own reverie. This is the dynamic direction of Shiva
energy.
Oddly enough, her lover needs feminine qualities. The giver has to be fully receptive to
being led and embrace the Shakti energy. The giving partner, whether male or female, has to
willing and able to give oneself fully in service to the Goddess. Give up their own agenda,
surrender to whatever happens, and support, nurture, and follow selflessly. Shakti qualities.
In other words, the strong and in-control giver must be soft and feminine, while the soft and
feminine receiver acts strong and in control. The opposite of what you might expect. Ultimate
success with Sacred Gate stimulation and female ejaculation requires that both giver and
receiver excel at performing both Shiva and Shakti roles and be able to interchange them
seamlessly.
If one can only give and the other can only receive, progress will be blocked. Harmony and
balance in male-female polarities are what you're seeking. So you can both surprise the other,
lead them to unheard of heights of pleasure, and be able to share the entire ecstasy created.
EXERCISE: Yin & Yang Discussion Questions
Here are some questions to reflect on, journal, or talk about...
• How well do you do at fully receiving and absorbing all the pleasure you're offered?
• How well do you focus on yourself while receiving?
• How well do you do at fully giving without worrying about what you're going to get
in return?
• How well are you able to feel deep pleasure in giving?
Worship The Goddess
For the ultimate Tantric highs, both partners need to lead strongly and be fully open to
receiving. As we've said, modern society conditions men to be strong and decisive, women to
be submissive and accepting. (Yes, even today.) It's often a challenge for both to learn to
exercise the strengths of the opposite pole.
This is probably where the popularity amongst Tantric men of worshipping the Goddess
comes from. We're referring to revering, honoring, and following the Shakti energy of your
female partner here. Undoubtedly, there's some connection with early pagan religions that
believed everything comes from the grace of the supreme mother who watches over us.
Men, when your heart bubbles with gratitude over the gifts your Goddess bestows on you,
when your mind is consumed with giving her pleasure, when your body vibrates ecstatically in
unison with her orgasms, you've come to worship this incarnation of the Goddess.
And for women, when you learn what you want, know how to graciously ask for it, and
guide lovemaking to reach new and glorious celestial heights, you've truly come into your
power as a spiritual sexual being. Accept your self as Goddess, divine in every way.
Shiva-Shakti Game
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“The man holds the essence of woman in him, and the woman holds the essence of man in her.
What is outside male is inside female. What is outside female is inside male.” ----- Margot
Anand in The Art of Sexual Ecstasy
How do you learn to lead and to receive? By practicing just what doesn't come naturally.
Instead of spending your time and energy thinking and debating, use the Tantric way. Follow
the three Tantric maxims for personal transformation: practice, Practice, PRACTICE!
The Shiva-Shakti Game is a great way to practice harmonizing both roles. It requires a long
period of your life away from work during which one of you fully assumes one role while your
partner does the other.
You may need to push yourself to assume the role that isn't your conditioned response,
taking charge when you're used to following, or supporting when you're used to challenging or
modifying your partner's plans.
This game is a chance to fully get into one side of the gender spectrum without the guilt that
receivers often feel that they should be giving back. And without the jealous resistance that
givers experience focusing on when will they get theirs. Both take you out of the experience,
and ultimately will block your ability to reach the highest peaks of sexual ecstasy.
In the Shiva-Shakti Game you know full well that the time is limited and you only have to
restrict your mind and emotions to one gender energy. You can rest easier knowing that you'll
both get a chance to turn the tables before too long.
If you accept that your desires are good and you deserve all the pleasure you can absorb,
here's a chance to go for it.
PRACTICE: Shiva-Shakti Game
Description
The Shiva-Shakti Game lets you demonstrate that you're fully responsible for your
own pleasure. When you're receiving, you need ask decisively for what you've always
wanted. You need to communicate clearly about what you've been afraid to speak up
about. Now you have permission, at least while you're playing Shiva.
If you don't make out-of-the-ordinary requests that are at least a little bit naughty,
why bother trying to change your sex life? Here's your chance to play out fantasies
you've dreamed about and explore the kinds of sexual play you've been intrigued by.
Why not belly up to the bar and go for it?
Further, unless you get mean-spirited and exact revenge (not an intention of this
practice), you don't have to worry about rejection. During the practice, your partner is
committed to serving your whims and wishes.
Don't be too surprised if your play runs up against the limits to your capacity for
pleasure. Resistance may be a feeling of being overwhelmed, overstimulated, bored, or
not feeling deserving and worthy. We suggest, as with all resistance, that you take it
easy while you persevere. What turns it on is just the thing that will turn it off
permanently.
Purpose
To practice consciously and willfully fully occupying only one Shiva-Shakti role at a
time so you can learn to use them each when you want to.
1. WISHES
Brainstorm separately a list of things you want to do during your ideal evening or
day. Don't restrict yourself while you're brainstorming. Put everything down that you've
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ever dreamed of, the more outrageous the better. You're just fantasizing privately now,
so there's no commitment to follow through on your daydreams. Regardless of how
many wishes you ask for while you're in charge, the practice of your creativity in the
pursuit of pleasure is a great opportunity. Everything does not have to be sexual. You
can include outings, sports, walks, meals, a game, being bathed or dressed, etc.
2. ORDER
Review your list yourself and consider what would bring you the most pleasure in
the moment. Having the dishes washed? Dressing your partner up? Receiving an hour
of oral sex? Put your list in the order you want to do them.
3. SACRED SPACE
Now get together and begin by creating a Sacred Space. Be sure to do a Heart
Salutation as you settle in.
4. TIMEFRAME
Read your lists to each other. Decide who will go first. Agree on how long you want
to play, each of you being Shiva for half and Shakti for half. Though you may want to
try just an hour or two to get the hang of it, the profound results come from an evening,
a day, or an entire weekend.
5. BEGIN
Discuss the Partnering Questions -- desires, concerns, and boundaries. What do you
want to learn? What are you worried about? Is anything off limits? To officially begin
the session, the partner in the Shakti role salutes Shiva by saying something like "Oh
glorious Shiva, I offer myself in service to your profound pleasure. Please guide me."
6. SHIVA TIPS
Ask for what you want. Experiment, be creative, inventive, and take risks. You're the
king or queen and you have total right to ask for anything that moves you. Focus on
learning to receive. Don't plan everything in advance but be playful and spontaneous.
Be sure not to abuse your power but to be kind to your servant (who may soon be your
dictator). A good ruler is never unkind or abusive to those dedicated to their pleasure.
Laud your Shakti with compliments for everything you receive. Remember, by
considering the giver's situation you will learn more about how to get what you ask for.
7. SHAKTI TIPS
Demonstrate that your partner's pleasure is important to you by devoting yourself
fully to it for this time. Take the profound opportunity to practice the height of the
Tantric approach to life: by saying "yes!" Our normal conditioning in life is to judge
actions and resist those we're uncomfortable with, controlling the outside world to
protect our inner world. In this practice, you get to practice surrender. In this way you
can learn about your own inner blocks to giving freely and unconditionally without
expecting anything in return. Of course, you're a supporter, not a slave. So you shouldn't
accede to anything that would permanently hurt you. Recognizing your own boundaries
and communicating them to Shiva is a powerful exercise in personal power.
8. EXCHANGE ROLES
When half the time allocated to the entire game is up, find a clear stopping place and
do a Heart Salutation. Officially conclude with the one in the Shiva role saying
something like "Thank you, my beloved Shakti, for giving me so much pleasure. I
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release you from your delightful service." Then, when you're ready, switch roles and
repeat the previous steps.
9. FEEDBACK
Before processing what occurred, many couples find it helpful to take a break
separately for an hour or so to reflect on what happened. Then get back together in your
Sacred Space, do a Heart Salutation, and review the experience, answering questions
like...
• What was hardest? How did you feel at the time?
• What was easiest? How did you feel at the time?
• What was most enjoyable? How did you feel at the time?
• What did you learn about yourself?
• What do you need and want to work on more?
10. CLOSING
Use whatever steps seem appropriate to close your Sacred Space, as you learned in
the Sacred Space Practice.
2.7 Closing Section
Though you've got some incredible sexual practices ahead, we wanted to start you off with
the mindset that Tantric sex is more than rutting. You can expand your sacred sexual experience
by...
• Integrating your mind, emotions, and soul with the body.
• Focusing your awareness where it will help, on celebrating pleasure.
• Welcoming sexual healing into your evolution.
• Looking inward and deciding how you can make your sex life sacred.
• Developing the attitude and approach of your opposite gender.
We've offered several simple practices that you'll find in nearly everything that's coming...
• Relaxing through meditation,
• Being responsible for your own pleasure using Partnering Questions,
• Intentionally creating the mood you want in a Sacred Space,
• Honoring the divine in all of us with the Heart Salutation. and
• Embracing both yin and yang roles with Shiva-Shakti.
Open to all the energies of life and your lovemaking will never be the same. Enjoy the
transformation that awaits you.
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Chapter 3: Kundalini Energy
"The practice of Tantra has tremendous potential for transformation because of the Kundalini
Shakti -- spiritual energy -- the awakening, uplifting, expanding principle. The experience of the
Shakti might be an inexplicable euphoria, a deep peace, a sense of great love, or an expansion of
our own awareness -- so that suddenly we are aware of inner processes that we previously had no
idea of." ----- Gurumayi Chidvilasananda
3.1 Opening Section
Purposes
The purposes of this chapter are to...
• Understand what Kundalini energy is.
• Begin strengthening your sexual muscles.
• Learn how to do Orgasmic Breathing.
• Recognize how Tantric Orgasm is different.
How Tantra Can Help Your Sex Life
How can a spiritual practice like Tantra help you with G-Spot orgasms and female
ejaculation? It can because Tantra is about mastering your own energy, the vitality of life. We
mean that inner subtle vibration that's always percolating beneath most people's normal level of
consciousness.
Everything in the physical universe is in motion due to energy flowing. The cells in our
bodies, the bl**d in our veins, the impulses in our nerves all continuously vibrate inside. Are
you aware of it?
What causes goose bumps? A chill down your spine? Shivers or ticklishness? Or more
directly on our subject, how about that tingly warm feeling in your jewels (genitals) when you
see a luscious specimen of the opposite sex walking down the street.
When we refer to energy in Tantra, we mean the nervous stimulation and physical
excitation that causes these feelings. In China it's called chi, in India it's called prana, in Japan it's
called ki, in Yoga it's called Kundalini, but it's all energy. We're talking about the same electrical
and magnetic life f***e that pervades all of our bodies.
What Energy Crisis?
Being an energy practice above all else, Tantra targets sex because it creates so much energy.
Because most lovers feel this kind of sexual energy most strongly just before an orgasm, you'll
see us use the term "orgasmic energy." Kundalini is probably the more correct term. But it's all
the same electrical or magnetic stuff in your body.
Regardless of your level of satisfaction with your lovemaking skills, energy is at the root of
it.
Tantra teaches heightened awareness of these subtler, finer frequencies. Most people don't
notice them because their internal receivers haven't been tuned to pick them up. That's partly
why we delight in exploring our senses of taste, sight, smell, and sound as well as deeper
appreciation of sensual touch.
By tuning our senses, we learn how to summon orgasmic energy, focus on its effects,
magnify its impact, and circulate it around the body.
EXERCISE: Kundalini Discussion Questions
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Here are some questions to reflect on, journal, or talk about....
• How aware of your Kundalini energy are you?
• What does it feel like?
• Do you feel it moving?
• What do you do that makes it move?
3.2 Streaming Section
"If you practice drinking from someone else’s spring, you will never become a fountain. To
awaken is to become a fountain for others and never stop flowing." ----- Daniel Odier in Tantric
Quest: An Encounter with Absolute Love
Learn To Stream
When enough sexual pleasure is awakened inside, it's hard to contain the Kundalini in one
spot. So, with any luck, it spreads.
We call this moving, running, channeling, or circulating energy.
Though they all mean roughly the same thing, streaming is probably our favorite term. The
name refers to opening your pathways to the energy of ecstasy (even without sexual
stimulation) and letting the natural vibrations engulf you. Streaming gives the valid impression
of a flood of pleasure coursing through your body, which is what it feels like.
When orgasmic energy streams throughout the body, it's as if every cell is coming. Yes, you
feel the same ecstatic experience everywhere. Whole-body orgasm is high on our private list of
Tantric delights.
When we first started Tantric practice, Jeffre used to have powerful session-ending orgasms.
When she learned to stream instead of explode, she started experiencing multiple orgasms.
When you know how stream orgasmic Kundalini energy by yourself, then you can
exchange it with your beloved. The most intense sexual encounters don't result just from a
really hot woman or skilled man. The pinnacles of sexual ecstasy result from both partners
sharing, combining, and building on each other's energy. That's why our definition of S.E.X. is
Subtle Energy eXchange.
Why bother learning how to stream?
• Because it's the key to unleashing the full potential of your sexual power.
• Because it's how you take yourself higher and higher.
• Because it's how you learn to awaken your Sacred Gate and the multiple and
extended orgasms awaiting you there.
Some say that women are generally more sensitive to energy and can learn how to stream
more easily. Maybe so. But , guys, you can feel it, too. Some of you, like Somraj, can respond
intensely to the slightest stimulation with a little practice. Which is the basis of the ancient
Eastern secret of overcoming premature ejaculation.
If Inner Tennis, Why Not Inner Orgasm?
You know what happens to guys if all the sexual energy generated through lovemaking
stays in their jewels? If all this excitement boils over too quickly, the easiest direction for it to
move is out the end of their pleasure stick. And then vajra (penis) explodes with a momentary
flash of pleasure and a big wet spot, that usually ends the play time for a good long while,
sometimes leaving his lover unsatisfied.
If he learns how to spread that Kundalini away from his vajra and around his body, he'll
feel great all over without a sudden big gush. As a result, he can have lots of little energy rushes
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which get bigger and bigger and bigger, culminating in a long series of internal energy climaxes
we call Tantric Orgasm.
If you're a man, when you learn to channel sexual energy away from your jewels, you can
separate ejaculation from orgasm. Your arousal can still become irresistible and you can still
have those powerful pelvic muscle contractions that feel so wonderful.
That's what causes a dry orgasm, a long series of slow pleasurable spasms without
ejaculating and with a rush of energy. Instead of exploding, you pump the energy back inside
and circulate it repeatedly. We call these "implosive orgasms."
How do you learn to spread Kundalini energy elsewhere in your body? Somraj's personal
story in his ebook, Ultimate Ejaculation Mastery, answers that question conclusively. If you or
your partner is interested in prolonging your lovemaking nearly indefinitely by using the
ultimate solution for premature ejaculation, get your copy now at...
<http://www.tantraattahoe.com/uem.htm>.
EXERCISE: Discussion Questions For Men
Here are some questions to reflect on, journal, or talk about...
• How well do you extend your loveplay without ejaculating too soon?
• How do you do it?
• Have you ever had a dry orgasm?
• Have you ever felt Kundalini surging through your body?
EXERCISE: Discussion Questions For Women
Here are some questions to reflect on, journal, or talk about...
• How are your orgasms? What are they like?
• Do they come easily? What pushes you over the top?
• Would you like something more?
• Have you ever ejaculated?
Where Do You Store Your Energy?
Many ancient cultures, both in the East and West, studied our subtle energies and devised
methods to gain greater mastery over them. Common to many practices are the chakras, the
Indian word for wheels. Chakras are...
Whirlpools or vortexes of energy centered at the spinal column and extending in front of and
behind the body where subtle energy is generated, collected, and stored.
Most systems identify seven chakras that reside from the bottom of the spine to the top of
the head. Here is a relatively universal list...
# Chakra Location
1st Perineum Base of spine
2nd Belly 2 inches below navel
3rd Solar Plexus Below breast bone
4th Heart Center of chest
5th Throat Throat
6th Third Eye Forehead
7th Crown Top of head
Though energy is energy, when it's generated or settles in a specific chakra, it feels different.
When we talk about sexual energy, we're actually referring to vibrations of the first two chakras
at the belly and pelvic floor. At the heart, it's the warm embrace of love. In the brain, it fuels
higher awareness. At the crown, it connects us to the spiritual plane.
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Prescription For Prolonged Peak Experiences
We know you're reading this ebook to unleash the power of the Sacred Gate. So let us
explain how your chakras figure in so pivotally. There are two main reasons.
First, most love partners want more than just a lust connection at the first couple sex
chakras. Merging energy at multiple chakras satisfies them immensely.
If you've read any of the Conversations With God books by Neale Donald Walsch, you'll
recognize "God's" position on sacred sex...
"There is nothing...unholy...about a passionate, desire-filled sexual experience...When you
respond to one another from...all seven centers at the same time, then you have the peak
experience you are looking for."
Second, you can use the invisible channel that connects the chakras internally, which we call
the inner flute, to move Kundalini energy throughout your body.
This is the key to revitalizing your chakras. Learn to stream sexual life f***e up and down
your inner flute and you'll be able to clear the mental, emotional, and physical blocks in your
way of an ecstatic life.
Those who practice Kundalini Yoga believe this orgasmic energy sl**ps at the base of the
spine. Others believe the first chakra is at the clio or tip of vajra. Our experience is that the most
powerful sexual energies are stored in the Sacred Gate of both men and women. Awaken the
Kundalini, the sl**ping serpent of sexual fire, stream the energy upward, and not only do you
create exciting sexual experiences, but you rejuvenate your entire mind, body, and spirit.
EXERCISE: Chakra Discussion Questions
Here are some questions to reflect on, journal, or talk about...
• What do you know about chakras?
• What awareness do you have of each chakra?
• What stimulates and excites you chakras?
3.3 Tantric Orgasm Section
“The awakening of Kundalini is, somehow, the awakening of the latent cosmic energy lying in
every human being, for such an energy is the origin of all his powers, all his strength, all the
forms of life he may assume.” ----- Lilian Silburn in Kundalini
Streaming For Fun And Profit
Our biology certainly produces lots of sexual energy, especially when we're young, healthy,
or infatuated with a new love. What happens when you age or get stressed by sickness or life
pressures? Then you can't depend on hormones to turn you on and make you high.
Master running energy and this will never be a problem. Learn to generate and channel
Kundalini energy and you can reach mind-boggling heights any time you want. Goddess
knows, there's a never-ending supply if you're willing to tap into your sexual generator.
Where do you channel the energy generated? How do you spread it around your body and
share it with the one you love? By using your intention, your mind, and your breath, you can
learn to send Kundalini anywhere you want.
Where do you think full-body orgasms come from? From circulating the peak sexual f***es
instead of letting them release all that delicious energy too soon.
Move the energy up to the belly, the solar plexus, the heart, the brain, and above. Then it
excites, enlivens, and enriches your whole body. That's what makes magic happen. That's why
you came to this party, right?
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Full-Body Orgasms
We believe that the G-Spot is such a captivating trigger zone because it stores so much
orgasmic energy. Learn to awakening your Sacred Gate is an easy portal into the energetic side
of sacred orgasm. With a little dedicated Tantric practice, you can unleash these powerful f***es
with little stimulation, at least from the outside.
Regardless of your gender, streaming Kundalini energy awakens the rest of your body so
you can experience full-body orgasms. Running energy to the heart awakens your love-flows
and is a powerful turn-on all by itself. Channeling energy to the spiritual centers in the head can
make sexual play a transcendent experience.
Once you learn to stream energy, you'll experience amazingly powerful responses to subtle
stimuli. Your senses become immeasurably heightened. Imagine what it feels like when other
parts of your body are throbbing with the same excitation that makes your jewels pulse and
throb?
Tantric Orgasm
When you learn the ancient sexual secrets presented in Awakening The Sacred Gate, you
can access powers hidden deep inside. Then, although a normal physical orgasmic release can
feel terrific, you'll find that orgasm in Tantra becomes a vastly different experience. Tantrikas
cultivate the ecstatic response, which you might call the inner nervous system climax.
We achieve this by contacting our most powerful trigger zones like the Sacred Gate and
generating huge sexual f***es. Then we recycle the orgasmic energy, not expel it. We conserve
and Kundalini within, and instead of discharging, the energy expands inward, flooding the
entire body with pulsing orgasmic contractions and continuous wavelike vibrations. This is
what we call a Tantric Orgasm.
A Tantric Orgasm is an experience of prolonged peak pleasure in which your whole body
vibrates with wave after wave of intense ardor. We shake all over, engulfed in surge after surge
of pure liquid fire. Often, female Tantric adepts ejaculate over and over and over.
Most people experience orgasm from physical stimulation, building up sexual tension and
then releasing it. Tantric Orgasm is an energy event, a state of ecstasy that's more than just
physical, involving many or all of the chakras. In the Ecstatic States Chapter, we'll immerse
ourselves into the different physical pathways to different kinds of sexual climax, and how
Tantric energy orgasm relates.
Where Can I Get One? No, A Six Pack?
How does one experience Tantric Orgasm? Some get there through clio stimulation, some
through maithuna (Tantric for sexual union), some by learning to channel orgasmic energy to
and from all parts of their body. But we find the most powerful access to this zenith of sexual
pleasure is through the G-Spot. The Sacred Gate is where so much power is stored, too often
ignored or suppressed, and can be so released with such intense experiences.
Many women rarely experience this kind of sexual peak. But when introduced to G-Spot
play, they report many of the same sensations as we describe as Tantric Orgasm. Long
continuous pulsing. Going somewhere else and losing touch with reality. Out of control. These
streams of ecstasy from Tantric Orgasm can go on and on and higher and higher.
In fact, many Tantric practitioners can generate and flow this delicious energy without jewel
stimulation. Admittedly this takes some training which is why Tantra is all about sacred sexual
practice.
Is creating the ultimate pleasure worth some delightful practice now and then? You betcha.
Once you acquire the knack, you'll never settle day in and day out for "normal sex" again.
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EXERCISE: Tantric Orgasm Discussion Questions
Here are some questions to reflect on, journal, or talk about...
• Have you ever had a full-body orgasm?
• Have you ever had a Tantric Orgasm?
• Have you ever had multiple orgasms of any kind that went on and on?
Four Cornerstones
Many of you are reading this ebook not simply to have better sex but to have sacred ecstatic
experiences. Along with learning the physical triggers, you'll learn here how to use Kundalini
energy to propel you higher.
The secret is to turn the responses of the body and mind during orgasmic ecstasy into skills
you can practice and master. We call these keys the four cornerstones of Supreme Bliss. They
are...
• Breath,
• Sound,
• Movement, and
• Presence.
A Tantric breath is deep, slow, and in the belly. The fuels the body.
Tantrikas make sounds like moaning to express the pleasure they're feeling. This releases
inhibitions and opens powerful nerve channels.
The kinds of movements we're referring to are undulating pelvic rocking on the outside and
sexual muscle pumping on the inside. Not only do these actions channel Kundalini, but they
feel really hot.
Presence means being relaxed enough to open your senses in the moment without any goal
or expectation and focus totally on the pleasure you're feeling right now. Presence of mind
allows you to use visualization to move Kundalini, and presence of spirit tunes your internal
receiver to the frequency of subtle energy.
These may seem like simple skills, and they are. We're talking about the kind of intense
breath, sound, movement, and presence that you usually only experience during an orgasm. So
we refer to this process as Orgasmic Breathing.
You might think that you already know what turns you on. For most people untrained in
the Eastern arts of love, those are external stimuli. In contrast, the four cornerstones are internal
tools you can use to energize your own pleasure and steer your own excitement.
If you use them to consciously to get your sexual motor running long before you approach
the pinnacle, they can be ecstatic tools that empower you to go higher and higher.
3.4 Sexual Muscles Section
PC Muscle
We want you to start learning to run sexual energy with one aspect of the movement
cornerstone, flexing your inner sexual muscles. We're talking about your PC muscle, short for
pubococcygeus.
We realize that medical term is a mouthful, but it's easy to identify. Put one of your hands
on your pubic bone, the inside one that's above your jewels and around your pubic hair at the
bottom of your tummy. That's the P.
Now reach around behind and put your other hand near the top of your crack just below
your spine. That's your tailbone or coccyx, the C. The PC muscle snakes down around your
jewels and anus and connects these two bones plus your sitting bones and legs.
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What's more important, you need to be able to identify the PC muscle from the inside. It's
the one you tighten when you want to squeeze out the last few drops of urine. Try squeezing it
now. Did you feel it?
If you can't isolate it, take a break and go the bathroom right now. Start peeing and stop in
the middle. When you're finished, try to squeeze the last few drops out. The muscle you used to
stop midstream and squeeze at the end is your PC.
You Want To Strengthen Your PC
Having strong internal pelvic muscles, keeping them relaxed when at rest, and knowing
how to use them without strain can dramatically enhance your sexual pleasure. Why?
Because the PC pulses rhythmically during maithuna (intercourse), especially strongly
during climax, pumping sexual energy. If your PC is weak, your pleasure and orgasms will
suffer. If it's always tense, it can block your ability to stream Kundalini. If yours is strong, you
have a powerful tool to consciously channel energy throughout your whole body. The stronger
they become, the more intense and pleasurable sexual intimacy can be for you, and the more
easily women can orgasm and ejaculate.
Did we mention which muscle is primarily responsible for female ejaculation? Right, the PC.
As with any physical exercise, improved tone gives you better muscle control. When a
muscle is weak, it feels like mush even after a few contractions. With a weak PC, this cuts off the
flow of pleasure and the length of orgasm. When a PC muscle is strong, you can continue
pumping as long as you want, extending orgasm. Further, a well-toned PC can relax more
easily.
The natural tendency to tighten up when aroused blocks the flow of ecstasy up the inner
flute. Those who've been sexually rejected, abused, or wounded, may find their pelvic floor
continually tense and on guard. Relax your PC when you're flying higher and higher during
sexual play and you can soar.
PC Benefits
Apparently Gräfenberg wasn't aware that a primary result of strong voluntary contractions
of the PC is to lift vajra towards the G-Spot. With a strong PC, a male lover can apply the most
delicious kind of pressure to a woman's Sacred Gate, regardless of sexual position. Much more
about this soon.
To summarize, women who develop strong PC muscles can...
• expand the sensations during lovemaking and spread the pleasure out,
• have more powerful orgasms,
• have better control over their bladders, and
• more easily learn to ejaculate.
Additionally, the entire vagina benefits from increased circulation that increases sensitivity to
stimulation and improves the overall health of the yoni.
Men who develop strong PC muscles...
• can have stronger erections,
• have more powerful orgasms,
• can regulate their contractions, consciously making them slower and avoiding
premature ejaculation,
• gain greater control over vajra and strengthen his ability to stimulate his partner's GSpot.
Finally, some believe that PC practice massages a man's prostate and keeps that vital organ
healthier and disease free -- a great side benefit.
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PC Pumps
Did we convince you that you need to do PC pumps? That's what we call these sexual
muscle squeeze practices.
Fortunately, it's easy and inexpensive to strengthen them. It just takes a few minutes a day
and doesn't happen overnight. To get the maximum benefits from Awakening The Sacred Gate,
we urge you to add some of the following practices to your daily routine.
By the way, you've probably heard of Kegels. These are similar practices developed by a
gynecologist in 1952 named, of all things, Dr. Arnold Kegel. He taught women to strengthen
their PC muscles after the trauma of c***dbirth to restore tone and regain control of their
urinary reflexes.
Doing PC pumps is easy. The hard part is establishing a regimen and remembering to do
them. Develop a successful memory device so that you don't forget. Find a time and place
where you'll remember to do several sets of these practices each day. Once they get strong after
several months of practice, continue the same regiment as your own maintenance program
After he developed his muscles with several daily sets, Somraj chose two daily life rituals
for his maintenance program -- soaking in the hot tub, and walking the dogs. That's where he
does his PC pumps every day. You might use the beginning of your commute to and from
work, as you stop for traffic lights, when you check your email, during TV commercials, or
when you start your workout at the gym.
Whatever you choose, do it regularly so it becomes an integral part of your life routine.
Since it doesn't seem to matter what position you're in for these practices, you can choose
whenever and wherever best jogs your memory.
Remember, don't push yourself and strain your groin at the outset. Instead use the Tantric
approach and build up gradually. Relax everything else when you do PC pumps. If you tend to
tense up, put your tongue on your palate so won't clench your jaw.
When you start practicing as described below, you may find that you're also tightening your
stomach muscles. Don't' worry about it for now. Within a few days or weeks, you'll learn to
isolate your muscle control so you'll only flex the pelvic floor where the PC resides.
These practices may be about squeezing your PC muscle, but the relaxing in between each
contraction is vital. If you're tense, your sexual energy gets trapped and can't flow.
Consequently, the unflexed moments between pumps are as important as the strengthening.
Sure, get into the habit of squeezing to tone the muscles, but put as much attention on totally
relaxing between flexes.
PRACTICE: PC Flex
Squeeze and release your PC muscle at the rate of your heartbeat, which means hold
it each time for about a second. Start with 20 contractions twice a day and build up to at
least 75 per set. When you're doing 75 twice a day easily, add the PC Clench.
PRACTICE: PC Clench
Next, practice clenching your PC while inhaling. By clenches we mean to hold the
squeeze for a longer period of time. Some experts say 3 seconds, some say 6, some say
15. Maybe they're all right so we suggest you start with 3 and work up to 15 seconds per
clench.
To do clenches, inhale and clench your PC, holding it tightly. Then push it out and
relax for the same amount of time before your next clench. Repeat this cycle 20 times
twice a day at first. As with flexes, build up to 75 reps twice a day.
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For women, it's very important to spend time on the push-out. Use the instructions
above, and inhale, push out, hold for 3-6 seconds. Do the push-out variation of the
clench as many times as the pulling-in.
The clench, contracting while inhaling and holding, is the type of PC Pump you'll be
using very soon to move Kundalini energy up and out of your genital region.
PRACTICE: PC Flutters
This practice is basically the same as the first one, PC Flexes, just faster. To do flutters,
you contract and relax your PC as fast as you can. At first, you may not be able to go
much faster than your heartbeat, but with practice you can speed up the squeeze and
release. We suggest you don't count these but just work up to fluttering for several
normal breaths before relaxing totally. Doing 20 sets of these twice a day should be
great. When you can flutter like a bird, add PC Clamps.
PRACTICE: PC Clamps
PC Clamps are simply long clenches. Work up to holding your clench for two
minutes or more 20 times each set. Remember to relax completely at length between
these long clamps. And relax if you start to hurt or get sore.
KegelMaster
There's another way for women specifically to build strong healthy yoni muscles. It's by
using an FDA-approved exerciser that you insert called the KegelMaster 2000.
The KegelMaster 2000 applies resistance against vaginal muscles as they contract through
their full range of motion. Through this simple process, all muscles in the pelvic area are
strengthened and toned while circulation increases. You'll notice the difference after the first
use!
Though it's made of medical-grade plastic and surgical stainless steel, only the plastic
touches yoni. Springs provide 15 adjustable resistance levels that you can increase as your
muscles become stronger. The dealers tell us that you can achieve impressive results with only
10 minutes of your time three times a week.
Here is Jeffre's experience with the KegelMaster 2000...
"I've always maintained strong yoni muscles through exercise and practice. But when I tried the
KegelMaster 2000 for the first time, it made it totally clear how much connection there is between
them and pleasure. The higher I adjusted the tension on the exerciser, the better it felt. I couldn't
try more than the first 7 of the 15 settings because my orgasms were so strong. Sure gives me the
incentive to practice, practice, practice. Because of the lasting benefits to sexual ecstasy, I really
recommend you get one for yourself or your lover today."
For more details and to order yours today, click here...
<http://www.tantraattahoe.com/product.htm>.
Whichever way you proceed, let us remind you that PC practices can be a very intensive
regimen if you go full out. We suggest going slowly at first. Then, feel your way as you
continue with later practices. Once you develop strength and tone in your PC through some
weeks of practice, you can back off to a maintenance level of exercises. After a couple of years of
intense practice, we don't do every exercise every day. Eventually you'll develop the feel of
what's right to make your PC strong and keep it there.
3.5 Orgasmic Breathing Section
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“Endless orgasm is for those who can be responsible for staying in love, for stepping out of the
mental trivia trap, out of everyday thinking mind. Thoughts can kill endless orgasms, just as they
can kill ordinary orgasm during ordinary sex.” ----- Margot Anand in The Art of Sexual
Ecstasy
Orgasmic Breathing
Orgasmic Breathing is the kind of breath, sound, movement, and presence that happens
when you have a typical exciting explosive orgasm. We're going to practice these tools without
sexual arousal at first so you can develop mastery over those body/mind functions that happen
involuntarily during a climax.
When you can use them to turn yourself on without external stimuli, imagine what it feels
like when coupled with sexual play?
For the most part, we'll be dealing here with subtle energies. At first, don't expect that you'll
be flipping one of those big high-voltage control levers with huge sparks that will throw your
body across the room. Right away, if you're very relaxed and sensitive, or hopefully soon
through practice, you'll become aware of a little warmth, electrical tingle, or pleasurable tickle.
It's like learning to tune in to a much higher frequency sound than you're accustomed to.
You've got to clear your mind and listen acutely to reach it. Once you learn to tune your
receiver to subtle sexual energy, it becomes a powerful f***e. You can direct and regulate it for
magnified passion, lighting a long slow burn instead of an overwhelming eruption.
Relaxing
Can you understand how any mental or physical tension can prevent your progress at this
stage? You can f***e your way around solid obstacles with the f***e of your will. But to use
subtle energy you have to relax, breathe, and feel every little sensation. Tension will block the
doorway to feeling and moving these energies.
If you relax, don't worry about how fast you go, and never despair when it takes longer than
you think it should, soon you'll get inklings, then surges, and finally waves that will bowl you
over. Be patient. You'll probably need to practice numerous times for several weeks before the
magic will occur. Somraj took months before he could feel Kundalini and move it. Take it easy
with yourself and your partner.
Tantric Breathing
Foremost amongst these relaxation techniques is breathing. Most of us take breathing for
granted. We tend to breathe shallowly and u*********sly as a rule. Contrast that with Yoga
masters. Some are so aware that they can shut their breathing down to almost nothing and stay
in a state of suspended animation for extended periods.
Remember what happens to your breath as you approach orgasm? Right, your breath
becomes shorter and faster, maybe even panting uncontrollably.
We could all benefit from mastering the art of Tantric breathing...
• relaxed,
• through the mouth, and
• deep into the belly.
This kind of full breathing lowers the heart rate and can help dissipate the tension of arousal.
Breathing through the mouth is more physical and sensual as opposed to breathing through the
nose that tends to put the attention in the mind.
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So, one of the best ways to relax when excited is to learn to breathe slower and deeper.
Further, it helps to interrupt the stress response you may experience during exciting or anxious
moments of lovemaking.
Breathing Tantrically is such a basic part of running energy that we could go on and on
about going slow and savoring. Actually, a great way to learn how to do a Tantric Breath is by
recognizing it has four parts...
• in,
• pause,
• out,
• pause.
We're not talking about holding your breath as long as you can, just not rushing ahead to the
next in or out. Simply pause for a distinct moment between inhaling and exhaling, and exhaling
and inhaling so you can notice what is going on.
Making Sounds
Next, you have a chance to practice one of the most powerful of the four cornerstones,
sound.
• Do you moan at all during lovemaking?
• Does it make you feel self-conscious?
• How about when you're coming?
Sound is one of the most powerful cornerstones of ecstasy. The same nerves that regulate
your voicebox are connected to your jewels. When your orgasmic reflexes are working,
moaning with pleasure comes naturally. To repress your voice requires energy. If you didn't,
you'd have that much more energy to fuel your passion.
The more noise you make, the more passionate you'll feel inside. The more passionate you
feel inside, the more passionate you appear. And guess what, the more passionate you appear,
the more you'll feel inside. It's a self-reinforcing loop.
That is, once you get over any self-consciousness you might feel. So many of us learn that
sex is naughty when we're growing up that we inherit a cultural shyness about showing we're
enjoying ourselves. We don't want anyone to hear. They might discover that you'd doing "it."
Oh my God, what if they found out?
By the way, guys tend to be more quiet than women. Isn't that interesting?
You realize that this programming is nonsense for both genders, don't you? Here's your
chance to get over it. Just remind yourself that pleasure is your divine birthright, you're entitled
to as much ecstasy as you can conjure up. Sounding off is one way to amplify your sensations.
If you're in the least self-conscious about being overheard, be sure to find a quiet place
where no one can hear you no matter how loud you get.
Visualizing Energy
Next we're going to add the visualization of energy along with your breathing, pumping,
and sounding. Since energy flows where attention goes, just imagining sexual juice and
electricity somewhere in your body, something will eventually happen.
You already knew that the mind was the most powerful sex organ, right?
We're going to begin working with your energy centers, chakras, in a big way. These are the
vortices where energy tends to collect and swirl around at different places inside your body.
You inner flute is the energy channel near your spine that connects your chakras.
Remember to keep all your senses open. If you feel any sensations, no matter how subtle,
visualize your breath passing through where you feel them. In this way, the breath adds fuel to
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a small fire, making it flare up. Even if you don't feel much, imagine that you do and breathe
into the body parts you want to energize.
Pelvic Rocking
The four cornerstones of Supreme Bliss include movement. PC pumps are powerful internal
motions, but we need to include the rest of your body.
Pelvic Rocking is a rotation of your pelvic area. Some have likened it to riding a horse, but
we prefer to compare it to slow deep sexual union when you're on top. With your weight on
your knees and hands over your lover, the only way you can penetrate deeply is by either doing
push-ups or by rocking your pelvis forwards and backwards. The latter is what we're adding to
your repertoire here.
PRACTICE: Orgasmic Breathing
Purpose
To combine all the components of Orgasmic Breathing into one comfortable unified
whole.
Description
We've broken down the individual parts of Orgasmic Breathing into discreet steps so
you could get understand them. When we're working privately with clients, you guide
them to practice each one separately. If you run into any coordination trouble during
this practice, we encourage you to try them separately.
But really, once you learn to coordinate them all, Orgasmic Breathing is just doing
one unified thing. Most people do these things naturally together during ecstatic sex, so
why not use them consciously?
1. POSITION
Use whatever position you want as long as it allows free pelvic movement.
2. RELAXING
Spend a few minutes getting comfortable, watching your breath, and releasing any
muscle tension. Keep your eyes closed.
3. TANTRIC BREATHING
Start Tantric breathing.
4. ROCKING
Rock one way on the inbreath, the other on the outbreath.
5. PC PUMP
Add the PC pump on the inbreath.
6. SOUNDS
Make sounds as you start to feel good.
7. VISUALIZE
Visualize the energy coming into your first chakra and being pumped up your inner
flute by your PC contractions. During your first practices, aim to raise your sexual
energy just up to the heart chakra. Of course, you can practice moving the energy up to
any chakra, all the way to the crown of the head. Do what feels best in the moment.
8. ENJOY
Enjoy for a few minutes.
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9. SYNCHRONIZE
If you want, try this with a partner. Sit across from each with your eyes closed, doing
the above steps. When one of you gets in the flow, open you eyes. When the second
partner opens their eyes, coordinate breathing in and out together at the same pace. Can
you feel each other's energy?
Afterthoughts
You may have to practice a few times to get the pieces working together. Once you
do, just practice this combined exercise several times a week for a few weeks for about
15 minutes.
Orgasmic Breathing is the primary method of channeling energy when you're making
love. It may require repeated practice because at first it's subtle for most people. Once
you get it, it's really exciting loveplay. Really gets our juices flowing when we do it
before maithuna.
Later in this ebook, you'll find lots of chances to practice as you discover triggers like
clio and the Sacred Gate. Oh, yes, some partner practices to develop the knack in the
sack are coming, too.
3.6 Closing Section
Well, that wraps up the Kundalini Energy Chapter. Hopefully, you're increasing your
sensitivity to your chakras, your inner flute, and Kundalini energy. By tuning in and practicing,
soon you'll be able to stream. That's where those awesome cosmic climaxes and spiritual
transformations occur that we call Tantric Orgasm.
If you're in a big hurry to read on and dive through the pleasures awaiting you on the other
side of the Sacred Gate, please please please start doing daily PC practices. More than anything,
this could be the key to catapulting your ecstasy to new and unheard of levels.
You've learned to relax, be more sensitive, breathe, make sounds, visualize energy flow, and
pump. You could spend weeks really perfecting all these foundations of the four cornerstones
of Orgasmic Breathing. We encourage you to do a little practicing regularly so you'll be able to
apply these fundamental skills automatically while you're making love.
Next, we'll employ these exact tools to heighten turn-on, maintain excitement, and learn to
savor pleasure during the Tantric LovePlay Chapter.
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Chapter 4: Tantric LovePlay
"In coupling, the friction of the man's member calms the woman's excitement. But it is in signs
of affection, kissing and caressing, that she finds her pleasure." ----- from the Kama Sutra
translated by Alain Danielou
4.1 Opening Section
Purposes
The purposes of this chapter are to...
• Learn to make any kind of loveplay exciting and complete in itself.
• Open sexual communication channels.
• Practice Tantric touch and Kama Sutra embraces.
Savor Every Instant
If you're like most women, you'll probably enjoy Sacred Gate only play after extended
warm-up. Because it's a kind of tissue that swells with arousal, you may not even feel it at first.
But you have to understand the Tantric approach that we find works best in all situations.
Don't establish goals, set expectations, and plan a detailed agenda for loveplay. Instead,
experiment with impulses and fantasies that strike you as fun in the moment. Be playful,
spontaneous, and enjoy the journey.
Although we've already described some of the many different ways that Tantric Sex differs
from "regular" or "normal" sex, our use of foreplay is another one of those distinctions. The
word foreplay implies something that you do before the main event. The further implication is
that it's of lesser value.
To a Tantrika (a Tantric adept), any sensation can be the catalyst for a huge flow of passion
all by itself. When your energy channels are open, you can circulate and exchange the f***es of
orgasm even without jewel (genitals) play. When we do experience orgasm from physical
stimulation, it's often a continuous rising experience without an explosive crescendo.
So "before" and "after" lose their relevance.
What is Tantric LovePlay?
That's why you won't see us using the word foreplay much. We don't want to discount the
power that's available to you with little things that can create so many other valuable feelings,
sensations, and titillations.
Instead, throughout the rest of the book, you'll mostly see references to loveplay and Tantric
play.
From the moment you begin to change the feel of the space around you, you are being
sexual. You are using erotic, orgasmic, Kundalini energy.
The instant your eyes meet those of your lover's, you feel tingling inside. The first touch is
electric, sending chills and shivers throughout your being. As you honor your beloved and offer
thanks for being with you at this time, tears may spring to your eyes. You may feel a strong
stirring in your yoni or vajra (vagina or penis) long before you take your clothes off.
This is Tantric LovePlay.
We urge you to not miss a single tingle, a tiny shiver, or the subtlest energy surge. This is
surely as much sex as anything else you'll ever do. It's also an essential prerequisite to arouse
the Goddess in your beloved.
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Juicy Things To Look Forward To
In Jeffre's ebook Intimacy, she quoted a recent study that found the average length of
loveplay at 15 minutes and maithuna (sexual union or intercourse) at 10. We're well aware that,
for maximum enjoyment, the average woman requires 35 to 45 minutes of erotic warm-up to get
her juices flowing adequately.
Which means the average lover stops 10 to 20 minutes short of peak female pleasure. Which
makes us really worry about the less than average lovers.
Maybe then you can understand why there's a dearth of orgasms in the world. If you're in a
hurry in the sack, learning about G-Spot massage may not make quickies all that much better
than they are now.
Which explains the purpose of this chapter: experimenting with a wide array of sensitive,
sensual, sexual tips to get you both turned-on. Though we'll delve into touching, kissing, and
licking, you'll find as much emphasis on opening your hearts, tuning your senses, and
connecting your feelings. That's because the keys are presence, consciousness, and energy flow,
not simply technique. Tantric ritual plays a part here, as does the Kama Sutra and
communication techniques from modern psychology.
4.2 Intimacy
Women Love Words From The Heart
It's often said that women get turned on in the heart first and in the jewels (genitals) later,
whereas men are just the opposite. When men get turned on in the jewels, the energy moves to
the heart.
Although there are always exceptions to this kind of blanket generalizations, we believe it's
safe to assume that most women, most of the time, like to have their mind and heart stimulated
in the 24 to 48 hours before the actual "date."
Jeffre says "It's turns me on when Somraj says 'I love you." Many women feel this way. Don't
wait until the urge hits you.
Guys, let her know how much you care for her, now. Tell her how much you think about
her, how much you desire her. Let her know how much you're looking forward to your time
alone with her.
Women respond very positively to words and touch that convey feelings of love and
affection. Women seem to like words about love, sex, and relationship and feel they're very
important. Often men don't have feelings as strong as women about verbalization of love, etc.
If you're a guy who feels uncomfortable with words, we humbly suggest that you practice, a
lot. Nothing will get you more of what you want than being able to verbalize feelings of
affection for your woman. Read a book or two and then write out what you want to say.
Practice letting the words tumble over your tongue and lips. Now, do it with your partner.
Try something like this... "Honey, I'm having trouble concentrating at work. My heart is
swelling with thoughts about your soft skin, your bright eyes, your sweet scent. Please don't be
wearing much when I get home early."
By the way, women, guys like romantic attention as well.
Intimacy Is A Turn-On for Women
Intimacy is the emotional closeness that truth-telling and feeling loved can bring. For most
women, it heightens their turn-on when a guy learns how to talk about his feelings with
honesty and heartfelt expression instead of blame or judgment.
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Intimacy can also be about sharing fantasies and playing them out. Often the fantasies
lurking inside are pretty kinky so too many lovers feel uncomfortable sharing them with their
beloved.
Moving past this inhibition can be exciting on multiple levels. The truth-telling is a turn-on
because of the increased sense of closeness. Plus the content of most any fantasy can really get
your sexual motor going big time.
Jeffre's ebook, Intimacy, A Green Light for Red Hot Sex and A Lifetime of Loving, has many
useful exercises to enhance intimacy and arousal, as well as sharing fantasies. You can see more
details and get your copy at...
<http://www.tantraattahoe.com/int.htm>.
PRACTICE: Intimacy Communication
Purpose
Through opening up your sexual communication, this practice will increase your
intimacy and give you useful information that you can use throughout this chapter and
the rest of this ebook.
Description
Women tend to enjoy 30 to 60 minutes of loveplay, while men may request and desire
less. Only you know how your body responds and what feels best.
This practice asks you to discuss, as specifically as possible, the types of loveplay you
like and the amount of time you like it. Go over the following questions separately and
then share your answers. Let the dialogue flow where it will until you feel heard and
understand and you know more about what your beloved prefers.
By the way, this is a starting place. As you become more practiced in these ways, you
may want three to six hours of Tantric LovePlay. Who knows how far you'll go?
1. COMFORT
Do I give (or receive) most comfortably?
2. PRACTICE
I would like to practice receiving (or giving) more...
3. HONESTY
Sometimes I'm not honest with you about what I really want.
Yes No Here's an example...
4. TIME
The amount of time I usually like to spend in loveplay is....
5. KINDS
The kinds of loveplay I like best include... (touching, massage, kissing, talking,
fellatio, cunnilingus, etc.)
4.3 Choose The Mood You Want Section
"You can discover more about a person in an hour of play than in a year of conversation." -----
Plato
Create Your Sacred Space
Want to increase the depth of your total experience? Arranging the setting, consciously
invoking the kind of energy you want, and discussing your feelings in the moment are essential.
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As we noted already, every sentiment, every nuance, every tingle can be a stepping stone to
ecstasy. Notice and relish them.
In Tantra we use sacred ritual to set the tone, clear the energy, and help each partner
become fully present. This takes a little time, but we're sure you'll find the ecstasy you'll
ultimately create will make it well worth the effort.
Be sure you answer and discuss the Partnering Questions, your desires, concerns, and
boundaries, before each encounter. Checking in with yourself in the moment and then with
your sweetie builds on the intimacy you're creating.
As described in the Sacred Tantric Sexuality Chapter (see Creating A Sacred Space), we
want him to feel like cherished God and her to feel like a cherished Goddess.
When you take a moment to honor the God or Goddess in your beloved, you'll both be more
delighted to be together with eager anticipation. When you actually practice this kind of
opening ritual, you'll be amazed at the difference it makes. You can quickly leave the stresses
and strains of the outside world where they belong, outside your Sacred Space.
Other Tips
One wonderful way to accentuate the sanctity of your love and the consciousness of your
underlying passion is how you disrobe. Tantrikas don't drop their dirty underwear and socks
on the floor before jumping into bed. Instead, slowly remove each other's clothing one little
piece at a time while caressing, nuzzling, and whispering sweet endearments to each new
morsel of flesh uncovered.
Perhaps you'll want to bathe together. After a day of busy life activity, this is a wonderful
transition to a more sensual mood. Bathe, soap, rub, and slide with each other. Flirt and
tantalize with all your parts: lips, eyes, fingers, tongue, breasts, jewels, and any other part of
your body that wants to join in. This is how you make heaven on earth yours.
Spend some time unwinding by just being together. Look deeply into each other's eyes.
Synchronize your breathing. Reach out with your consciousness to feel your beloved's energy
body.
A practice that we do often is called the melting hug. You slowly come closer together until
your first contact. Then you melt your bodies into each other with as much skin touching as
possible. Relax and cling to each other. Let your breathing synchronize. A beautiful side benefit
is the merging of energies by closely connecting each chakra.
Kissing As An Art Form
Kissing is a wonderful form of loveplay because it stimulates so many different energy
centers. It's a sweet expression of affection that connects with the heart. Your vision, minds, and
third eyes are totally focused on each other. It turns many lovers on with resulting hardness or
wetness that encourages the mood for heavier exchange. In fact, combining this with a melting
hug enlivens even more chakra exchange.
Kissing all parts of the body can be divine play. Try lightly kissing your partners chakras
beginning with the 7th (at the top of the head) and ending with the 1st (the perineum). Oooh la
la, yummy, yummy.
If you want to be more elaborate, kiss a chakra and then state what it is about your partner
you love and adore about the particular chakra you are focusing on.
Shortly we'll reveal many more of the secrets of the Kama Sutra about kissing and how it
provides great Tantric LovePlay.
Awakening Your Beloved's Senses
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Tantra is all about staying in the body, opening the senses, and feeling the ecstasy. There are
many ways to increase awareness of your body and open the senses. You can dance. You can
walk in the forest. You can meditate.
You can blindfold your beloved and titillate them with tastes, smells, touch, and sounds.
Then you can remove the blindfold, and offer glorious sights as you slowly and sensuously
reveal your naked body. Every tried acting out a silent fantasy in front of your darling? How
about self-pleasuring while they're tied down?
The range of possibilities for building anticipation is enormous. Use your imagination and
surprise your beloved. Your loveplay will never get old and stale.
EXERCISE: Mood Discussion Questions
Here are some statements to complete by reflecting, journalling, or talking...
• I plan to do the following to create a Sacred Space before we make love...
• Here's how I intend to heighten intimacy and connection during our loveplay...
• Here's what I'll experiment with to awaken my beloved's senses...
4.4 Communication Section
“In Tantrism, we do not go toward some external thing. On the contrary, we direct ourselves
toward our core, our own minds. Tantric practice demands nothing more than this return to the
Self...By observing the mind we will find...the strength to act without being subject to filters or
limitations that we have accepted or created, the power to fully communicate with life.” -----
Daniel Odier in Tantric Quest
Talking About Sex
We already discussed communication when we prescribed titillation, flirtation, and
intimacy. Communication is also essential for exchanging information so that you can enhance
your own and your partner's pleasure.
Learning to talk with your partner about sex requires guts and practice. Sometimes women
want to protect their man's ego so they're too polite. Often they're unsure if they even have the
right to ask for anything other than what they're getting. Too many men don't know how, why,
or when they want something different.
It's great to create an intention together to be able to talk with each other about sex openly,
honestly, and often. Admit it if it's scary if you've never done it before. Talk about your fears
and the fears you imagine your partner has. This is a major frontier for most couples.
That's partly why we urge you to discuss the Partnering Questions before each practice or
lovemaking no matter how long you've been together. Don't worry if you feel you're not doing
them very eloquently at first. Whatever you do is good for intimacy and good practice to grow
your communication skills.
Sometimes it's necessary to coach or redirect your partner when you're being physically
intimate. If you make an agreement beforehand about how you want to communicate during
sex, it can be much less challenging. No one likes to feel criticized or put down, most
particularly while in bed with a lover.
Hopefully you're taking advantage of the discussion questions we've included after each
major section. These are primarily designed to encourage this whole process of talking freely
about sex. After reading, think back about your reactions, write your answers to the questions,
and then share with your partner. Gradually you'll transform the intimacy of your connection
and create the foundation to transmute subtle energy into awesome ecstasy.
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Be Real
The single biggest couple's communication foul-up is when one or both partners aren't
completely forthcoming and authentic with each other. In less formal words, this means when
you're acting phony.
Do you...
• Feel that your darling is responsible for satisfying you in any way?
• Believe that your partner is supposed to know how to satisfy you?
• Act passive when you're not getting what you want and then complain afterwards?
• Wait for that magical moment when something outside of yourself will sweep you
away?
Tantra teaches that whether you're female or male, you're 100% totally responsible for your
turn-on and your own orgasms.
By this we don't mean that all good lovin' is self-lovin'. We mean that great sex is a
partnership in which it takes two to tango.
There are still too many men who think they're failures if their women don't orgasm. There
are too many women who don't have a clue what will make them feel the ultimate in sexual
pleasure. Some even pressure their lover to have an orgasm to soothe their own egos.
Maybe each of you has a ways to go to learn about your subtle orgasmic triggers and keys to
sacred ecstasy. Regardless, the more you talk with your partner about what you want, the
quicker you'll both learn what you can do to get it.
EXERCISE: Communication Discussion Questions
Here are some statements to complete by reflecting, journalling, or talking...
• I feel these sexual needs are understood and appreciated...
• I want my beloved to better understand...
• I feel shy or embarrassed talking about...
Our Job
In essence, that's what this ebook is all about. We don't just want you to read it. We want
you to study, communicate, and practice. All the wonderful, delicious, juicy stuff we're
suggesting is for you and your beloved partner to experiment with.
You've set out on an exciting explorer's program. Remember, your mindset will determine
how much you discover about the staggering ecstasy that's lurking inside. Keep an open mind.
Act like k**s playing doctor. Drop your expectations and cynicisms. Treat every experience as
fresh and new. Only if you get out of your own way can you let the dormant energy deep
within transport you to new and unexpected places.
So practice, practice, practice. We know some of this stuff is new and seems weird at first. If
you try it, we think you'll like it. Either way, we won't tell on you. And don't just do the
exercises once. Practice may not make you perfect, but it does get better and better. Every time
you do it, you'll learn something new. We guarantee it.
Communicate, Communicate, Communicate
As a marriage counselor for many many years, Jeffre has learned that the single biggest
reason women get turned off to sex (after religion) is their fear of telling their men the truth
about their sexual responses, desires, and wants.
If you want to deepen and supercharge your sex life, communication must begin at the
beginning. That's where the following practice, How To Touch Me, picks up -- at the beginning.
Going deeper with communication throughout your loveplay helps tremendously to create
intimacy as well. When receiving, women need to explain what they desire, what they feel, and
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how they're reacting. Although this is true of men too, our focus right now is preparing the
female for Sacred Gate Orgasm.
Partners in general, and men in particular, do not appreciate being in the dark (figuratively)
when they're trying to please you. They need and want to feel confident that they're
successfully turning you on.
Women are different from each other and from one moment to the other. This is confusing
to the average guy who's always learning about what women want. You'll be better off it you
just accept these observations as fact...
• No two women's sexual response is identical.
• Women like variety, different things at different times.
• Hormones change at different times of the month.
• Emotional beings like women have unpredictable moods.
• Sensitive bodies, like female ones, may respond strongly to stress, exercise,
medication, health challenges, and menopause.
OK guys, you've been warned. Assume nothing. Remain open to the whims of the Goddess
and you'll be fine.
PRACTICE: How To Touch Me
Description
This practice facilitates letting your lover know in advance what you want, where you
want it, and how you want it. At last you can reveal your innermost sensual, sexual, and
erotic desires and how you can get it from your beloved.
Purpose
The purpose of this practice is to let your beloved know, in explicit detail, how you
like to be approached, spoken to, touched, excited, and in what order.
1. DECIDE
Decide who will go first. You can also decide if you both want to be nude. The first
speaker can also disrobe, with seduction, if that's fun for both of you. This makes your
connection playful and serious at the same time.
2. DESCRIBE & DEMONSTRATE
Describe and demonstrate the ways you like to be approached: verbally or nonverbally,
ritually or playfully, softly or roughly, or all the above. Specifically, what kind
of touching do you like where? Touch yourself in each place as you talk about it. Do you
want talking or kissing or other things first? Stroke your body as you want your lover to.
Demonstrate on yourself what turns you on most. You can also do the same to your
partner if that helps. If you're not careful, this will probably turn both of you on (joke).
Yippee!
3. APPROACHING JEWELS
Explain how much warm-up your body needs before you like intense focus on your
jewels. What do you prefer to happen and how extensively before your jewels are
approached? We like to lightly brush and briefly connect our hands with our beloved's
jewels while awakening the rest of their body. Do you want your butt played with, your
feet or back rubbed, or your head scratched first? Don't hold anything back. The clearer
you are, the more likely you are to get exactly what you want.
4. JEWEL PLAY
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Show your yoni or vajra. Don't be shy. Expose all your parts, naming them and your
feelings about them. Demonstrate and describe how yoni or vajra likes to be approached
with eyes, fingers, lips, etc. Women, show your lover how to touch your outer lips, inner
lips, yoni opening, urethral meatus (pee hole), and yoni's inside. If you know where
your G-Spot is and what kind of stroking you like there, add that. If not, it will soon be
time to experiment in the Sacred Landscape Chapter.
5. DON'T ASSUME
If you're in a long-term relationship, please don't assume your sweetie knows
everything about your body. Or anything for that matter. We bet there are things you
don't know yet yourself. The observer in this practice will surely learn something new
and maybe you will too. Both of you should feel free to ask questions if something
important is glossed over, surprising, or left out. Ask for more detail or clarification any
time you're confused. While one of you is being fully exposed, the other should really
take everything in. You both want the new information to stick.
6. SWITCH
Exchange roles so you both get a chance to reveal your innermost sexual desires and
preferences. By the time the second partner has completed this practice, it's quite likely
you'll both be very turned on. Play, go for it, do what comes naturally. We never want
you to miss an opportunity for a hot time together. You can continue reading and
learning later.
LovePlay Feedback
There are ways to talk to your partner that can improve your loveplay. And we bet you've
discovered that there are some approaches you definitely want to avoid. When you think about
it, the exercises in this ebook are a perfect opportunity to play, practice, and communicate
without judgment. Let's take a look at how to make this work best.
When you're in the throes of lovemaking that's not feeling super great, you've probably
already bypassed many opportunities for sexual communication. We don't recommend calling a
sudden halt to your play if you can avoid it. No matter how gently and diplomatically you
confront it, interrupting pleasure can shock, sadden, and put down your lover.
Especially if he's male and has an ego. And who doesn't.
If there's something really awful your partner does once or repeatedly, talk it over when
you're NOT in bed. Wait until the next day and explain how important this is to you.
Phrase your feedback around new wants and needs you're discovering about yourself. If it
seems appropriate, demonstrate exactly what you mean. You see, another opportunity for the
How To Touch Me practice.
Do your best not to indict your partner's desirability or lovability. Don't compare to other
lovers. Make it clear this isn't a black mark against a man's masculinity.
Schedule this discussion carefully. Be sure you have plenty of time to clarify and resolve the
issue. If man's ego is involved, it may take more than one session. Keep reassuring him and
keep loving him.
Sexual Communication Techniques
Here are several techniques we recommend to help giver and receiver stay in close touch
during Tantric practice or freeform lovemaking.
"Responsiveness" and the "Feedback Sandwich" are prime tools receivers use to guide the
pleasure they're getting.
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"Yes/No Questions" and "Check-Ins" are for the giver to stimulate communication when
needed.
1. Responsiveness
The more lovers integrate Orgasmic Breathing into all aspects of their loveplay, the
less verbal communication is needed. Moving, breathing, and sounding are a language
all their own that requires few if any words. We call a passionate lover who shows their
turn-on "responsive." The opposite would be cold or even frigid. We wonder how many
lovers have been labeled frigid when actually they were super excited but too "polite" to
show it.
Don't hold back. Show your turn-on. It's exciting to let it out. It excites your lover.
Responsiveness creates a non-verbal feedback cycle that can take you both higher and
higher. And sensitive lovers who plug into your visible cues can respond to what
receivers need and want in the moment with little need to talk.
2. Feedback Sandwich
As you're learning Orgasmic Breathing, connecting with a new lover, and getting to
know what your partner really wants, some talking is essential. How can you make it
constructive and help you get what you want? Criticizing or even seeming like you're
critical won't.
For example, you may want your lover to slow down at some times and speed up at
others. You know not to say "wrong, too fast" and "slow down, dummy." But if your
only comments direct your lover to change speed, it's easy for them to assume that
nothing they're doing is feeling good.
The Feedback Sandwich is a simple three-step process a receiver can use to
constructively redirect what a lover is doing while it's happening...
a. Compliment: A positive comment about what's going on.
b. Change: A request to try something different.
c. Acknowledgment: Appreciation for how it feels better.
The Feedback Sandwich balances appreciation with coaching. In this case it would
sound something like...
a. Compliment: "Your touch is so exciting. That feels really great."
b. Change: "I wonder how it would feel if it was a little slower."
Then, as soon as the touch slows down....
c. Acknowledgment: "Oh, yes, that's just what I mean. That feels soooo good!"
3. Check-Ins
When you're making love, you're a team, not a mind-reader. Just as the Feedback
Sandwich is the responsibility of a receiver wanting a change, it's the responsibility of
the giver of pleasure to inquire from time to time about the receiver's experience. We call
this Checking-In.
Any major change in speed, position, or direction is a great spot to check-in with your
beloved, i.e. "May I get between your legs so I can go faster?"
Before you enter yoni with fingers or vajra, ask "Is yoni ready to be visited?"
If vajra starts losing hardness, ask "Would vajra prefer something different?"
If your lover's sounds, breathing, or motions suddenly change, ask "Did something
happen?"
These questions prompt the receiver to look inside and keep you informed about
what's happening. Check-ins at appropriate times increase a giver's confidence in their
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ability to give pleasure. They increase a receiver's confidence in getting the pleasure
desired.
You'll find this kind of communication very useful during oral sex, hand-jobs, yoni
play, Sacred Gate massage, male G-Spot strokes, and maithuna as later chapters will
explain.
4. Yes/No Questions
Check-ins are a great way for giver's to ask for guidance. Giver mental tension
destroys the mood of lovemaking as much as physical tension does. You'll learn more
about this later in the ebook. Yet, too much communication can bring a receiver who's
relishing the sensations in their body squarely into their head. So then the receiver loses
the mood.
Using Yes/No Questions solves this dilemma. This is the perfect response for a giver
who is unsure about something or needs guidance. They simply can ask a direct
question that can be answered with a yes or no or a shake of the head. This requires
minimal thought process by the receiver and therefore is much less likely to interfere
with their pleasure.
A series of yes/no questions can provide all the guidance a giver needs...
"Faster?" "Ah-ha."
"More?" "Mmmmm."
"Slower?" "A bit."
"All right?" "Yes."
"Too much?" "No, more."
PRACTICE: Sexual Communication Practice
Purpose
To incorporate sexual communication techniques into your loveplay.
Description
This at first glance appears to be a loveplay practice. Well, it is. Here's a chance to try
out some of the intimacy and sexuality ideas you've communicated about in the
previous practices.
The added aspect of this session is to practice the communication skills we just
reviewed.
1. SACRED SPACE
Use whatever ritual actions and props help you make your play space sacred. Put on
sexy music that turns you on. Acknowledge each other spiritually with a Heart
Salutation.
2. PARTNERING QUESTIONS
Review the previous techniques about communication. Choose what kinds of
loveplay you'll practice this time. Discuss desires, concerns, and boundaries.
3. RESPONSIVENESS
During your first practice session, include Orgasmic Breathing as part of your warm
up process. Put extra emphasis during your loveplay on showing your excitement
through your breath, sounds, and movement.
4. FEEDBACK SANDWICH
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Next, experiment with some new loveplay while the receiver practices using the
Feedback Sandwich.
5. CHECK-INS
When you're ready to move on to the next phase of practice, encourage the giver to
focus on checking-in whenever you agree it's appropriate.
6. YES/NO QUESTIONS
Your next target is for the giver to use yes/no questions for minimum interruption of
the receiver's reverie. When you find yourself in the midst of high passion for the
receiver, giver, use yes/no questions to get feedback.
7. CLOSING
Close the Sacred Space using whatever actions seem appropriate, including giving
each other a Heart Salutation and giving thanks for the trust and intimacy you shared.
Afterthoughts
Feel free to repeat each phase of this practice several times until the techniques
become second nature. After each session, share how the techniques helped, hindered,
and how you could employ them better.
4.5 Tantric Touch Section
"Slow down. Remember that this is not a race, and you are not in a hurry. This is also not the
Olympics, you have nothing to prove -- you and your new friend are setting out to do things that
feel good with your bodies. Touch feels good. Stroking feels good. Taking time feels good. Slow
down enough so that you can truly feel what you are doing. Worrying about the future will not
help you get there: focus on what you are feeling in the present. Erections and orgasms might
come, might go, but you can never go wrong by doing what feels good." ----- Dossie Easton &
Catherine A. Liszt in The Ethical Slut
Ecstasy With The Slightest Touch
Many lovers are on the lookout for greater and greater stimulation. This often takes the form
of harder and faster touching, licking, or pumping. We're going to describe just the opposite --
how you can train your body and your nervous system to orgasm with the slightest touch.
We call it Tantric Touch, the ultimate sensual massage through skin-to-skin contact with full
consciousness. This means both giver and receiver are fully awake with all senses wide open to
the physical and as well subtle energies.
A giver of Tantric touch is totally present, totally conscious, totally attentive to what they're
doing. They fully feel every sensation they're giving. Just being super sensitive opens the energy
conduits between lovers. They focus all their concentration on flowing energy from their heart,
through their arm and hand, into their fingers.
Of course, this is great advice for the receiver too. Be totally present to the feelings,
sensations, energies. But a giver who touches any body part Tantrically derives as much
pleasure as the one who receives Tantrically.
Loving The Largest Sex Organ
It's more an approach to awakening another's largest sex organ, their skin, than it is a
technique. Tantric Touch uses one of the four cornerstones of Supreme Bliss, presence, to
magnify and enhance sensation. Your entire being reaches out from your fingertip to make love
to the space, skin, and tissue of your beloved.
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Tantric Touch is not a deep the****utic massage. It's soft, slow, and sensuous, usually done
without oil.
When many of our students begin learning Tantric Touch, their minds are busy, their hands
go too fast, and they don't feel anywhere near what they could. This is why we teach them to
begin as a meditation, emptying the mind, calming the spirit, and relaxing the body. Only then
are the giver's energy channels open enough to flow love through body contact.
A receiver of Tantric touch is far from passive. They also enter a calm, relaxed state and
reach out with their senses. They put all of their attention on the feelings being created in their
skin. They use the four cornerstones -- presence, breath, sound, and movement -- to turn the
subtle sparks jumping between the giver's skin and theirs into a waterfall of sensation.
PRACTICE: Tantric Touch
Purpose
To learn to give and receive ecstatic Tantric Touch opening new pathways to bliss.
1. PREPARATIONS
Lay out a sarong, put on some soft sensual music, light some candles. Do a Heart
Salutation. Discuss the Partnering Questions. Decide who will begin as giver and
receiver. Receiver, make as much skin available for contact as you're comfortable with.
The "nuder" the better.
2. PREPARATIONS
Start with whatever it takes to get the receiver's body relaxed and their mind present.
Meditate, breathe together, just look into each other's eyes silently. Settle in.
3. TOUCH
Dear giver, extend your heart energy down your arm and into your fingertips. Rub
your hands together rapidly 25 times to warm and energize them. Very slowly, and we
mean VERY SLOWLY, start moving your hand over the Goddess's skin. At first,
massage about 3/4 inch (2 cm) above the surface. The inside of the arm is a great area for
starting this practice. Believe us, both of you will feel something.
4. RECEIVER BREATHES
At the same time, the receiver reinf***es what the giver is doing by using the four
cornerstones of Supreme Bliss...
Breath -- deep and slow,
Sound -- loud as you can on the exhale,
Movement -- tightening and relaxing the PC muscle while moving the pelvis, and
Presence -- total focus on the sensations you're experiencing.
5. CLOSER
Now, giver, approach the skin even closer. Make it as close as you can without
touching, except for a few hairs now and then. As our beloved Dr. V says: "If you're
touching, you're too close. If you aren't, you're too far away." Continue VERY SLOWLY
moving your hand down the arm, gradually including the back or neck. This will
probably be more of a powerful learning if you don't start with the jewels. We already
know how sensitive they are.
6. RECEIVER BREATHES
Now, sweet giver, focus your mind and let your energy flow as well. Touch now with
complete concentration. Breathe with the giver to energize you both. Slowly, with
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consciousness, begin stroking the rest of your beloved's body with this sacred, ecstatic,
Tantric Touch. This is slow, soft, deliberate, conscious, and loving. No deep tissue work,
no fast pumping, no maximum friction. Follow your beloved's cues to know where to go
and what to do. With the subtlest of touch, see how turned-on and high the receiver can
go from the inside. Enjoy!
7. CLOSE
Bring your light touch to a close. Hug, hold, or lie next to each other. Feel the
receiver's subtle excitement and energy. Talk about how the experience was for each of
you. Do a Heart Salutation.
8. SWITCH
Switch roles right away or take a little break first for the receiver to assimilate the new
sensations.
Sensual Massage
After all this soft work, a full sensual massage is a delightful next step. Where Tantric Touch
provides the minimum of stimulation to the receiver, sensual massage adds maximum turn-on.
Certainly you use the two-way energy exchange you just learned. But now you add lots of
variety onto the foundation of Tantric Touch.
Sensual massage is also soft and slow focusing on long strokes with varying pressures and
textures. Don't ignore any part of the body. Though this isn't designed to be a hand-job,
brushing the jewels occasionally pumps lots of excitement into everything else you feel.
Vary the pressure from a light tickle to somewhat firm. Check in with your partner about
what feels good, but remember, desires may change in the moment.
Sensual massage is not a the****utic process designed to work all the muscles deeply. It's
not supposed to be hard unless your partner tells you that deep tissue work creates the most
turn-on. This will be the exception.
We encourage the use of feathers, silk cloth, soft fur, and other items that titillate your
beloved. Some enjoy rubbing with terry cloth or a hairbrush to awaken the senses. Others prefer
massage with talcum powder or corn starch for that extra sensuousness. Be sure to do this
before you apply any oil as the pasty combination isn't particularly appealing to either party.
Varied Titillation
Patting, tapping, and light scratching can be wonderful adjuncts to what we usually think of
as massage. We love the butterfly, unexpected flitting taps with your fingertips all over the
body with no pattern. Two things that turn Somraj on the fastest are scratching in the middle of
his back and all over his scalp. Jeffre's favorite is tapping on her sacrum. Different strokes,
right? In the next section you'll get lots of new ideas from the Kama Sutra.
We like to start at the periphery -- hands, feet, head -- and gradually move closer and closer
to center. Light random Tantric Touch of the jewels is a welcome addition and great teasing for
big things to come. In coming chapters, we'll share how to touch yoni inside and out.
After titillating the skin with different textures and motions, ask your partner if they want to
continue sensual massage with oil. If the answer is yes, remember what your goal is: further
awaken the senses and help your partner feel sexual arousal all over without concentrating on
the jewels.
Many couples in today's modern world own a massage table. This can be create some truly
delightful loveplay. The giver has access to the whole body of the receiver with minimum stress
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or strain. And any decent table will support both of your weights if you can't resist climbing on
after the massage.
PRACTICE: Sensual Massage
Purpose
This practice adds to the Tantric Touch practice, adding the wide range of variety of
sensual massage.
1. PREPARATIONS
Lay out a sarong, put on some soft sensual music, light some candles. Get together
any props you'll need: oil, feathers, towels, etc. Do a Heart Salutation. Discuss the
Partnering Questions. Decide who will begin as giver and receiver. Receiver, make as
much skin available for contact as you're comfortable with. The "nuder" the better.
2. PREPARATIONS
Start with whatever it takes to get the receiver's body relaxed and their mind present.
Meditate, breathe together, just look into each other's eyes silently. Settle in.
3. TOUCH
Giver, begin with slow, subtle, sensuous Tantric Touch all over.
4. RECEIVER BREATHES
At the same time, the receiver reinf***es what the giver is doing by using the four
cornerstones of Supreme Bliss...
Breath -- deep and slow,
Sound -- loud as you can on the exhale,
Movement -- tightening and relaxing the PC muscle while moving the pelvis, and
Presence -- total focus on the sensations you're experiencing.
5. RECEIVER BREATHES
Now, sweet giver, stroke your beloved's entire body more and more sensuously. Vary
your strokes, pressure, and speed. Add patting, tapping, even vibrating. Follow your
darling's cues.
6. OIL
If your beloved chooses, warm some massage oil in your hands and anoint their
body, one section at a time. Slip and slide with long strokes for maximum turn-on. Be
sure to drive by the jewels now and then.
7. CLOSE
Bring your light touch to a close. Hug, hold, or lie next to each other. Feel the
receiver's subtle excitement and energy. Talk about how the experience was for each of
you. Close your Sacred Space with a Heart Salutation.
8. SWITCH
Switch roles right away or take a little break for the receiver to assimilate the new
sensations.
4.6 Kama Sutra Embraces Section
"Both lying with arms and legs entwined, they rub against each other and become deeply
entangled." ----- Vatsyayana in The Kama Sutra
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A Broad Definition of Embrace
The Kama Sutra details many preliminaries to sexual union under the heading of
"embraces." From that two-thousand year-old text on the sexual arts, we learn how the ancient
Indians developed scratching, biting, kissing, and "the giving of blows" into a high art. They
weren't talking about blow jobs at this point.
The Kama Sutra cautions that people of good taste don't make these embraces violent. We
don't find it particularly Tantric to inflict severe pain and leave marks on your beloved's body.
As we said before, some lovers are so armored against sensation that they need the strongest
possible stimulation to get off.
In contrast, our emphasis here is to learn to use this wide range of embraces subtly to
increase your beloved's sensitivity. Although not every one of these strokes is going to
contribute to your personal delight, we want to review some of the best for you to experiment
with.
Kama Sutra Kissing
The Kama Sutra makes kissing into a glorious art form. It gives instructions about the
different varieties from pecking to vibrant to rubbing in different positions and life situations.
Try dry and wet, hard and soft, licking and sucking, long and short, nibbling and holding. You
have many more options to play with than tongue fencing and deep throating.
Both the body and lips were fair game. The Indian love guide then describes "the kissing
game," alternating giving and receiving for maximum excitement, which makes it eminently
clear that kissing isn't just for the lips.
Kama Sutra Licking
Licking is juicy fun. Try many of the same variations mentioned in kissing. Try them all
over. Some women especially like it really sloppy wet.
Slow is the key to ecstasy by licking. Stop if you get tired. Keep going if it's turning you on.
You'll have your partner moaning and groaning with pleasure, and getting very wet or hard as
well.
Kama Sutra Sucking & Squeezing
Remember how you liked getting hickeys when you were a teenager? The edge of pain can
be very arousing for many. Beware, you may feel very naughty. Uh, oh!
You can squeeze when you suck. You can squeeze with your lips, your fingers, your hands,
your arms, your legs, and your yoni.
For all it's variety of kissing techniques, licking, and sucking all over the body, the Kama
Sutra wasn't very big on oral sex with the jewels. If you are, by all means experiment.
Kama Sutra Biting
Biting can be light, medium or strong or anywhere in between. Biting lips can be very erotic.
The Kama Sutra instructed lovers to bite hard enough to leave marks all around the breast in an
even pattern. These souvenirs were considered a mark of true love and an esteemed practice.
Whatever floats your cork.
The teeth can be used for scratching as well. Some men even like to have their vajra nibbled
on. And some, like Somraj, scream bl**dy murder if you try it. Be careful, start very gently.
Back off if your partner doesn't like it. Always let the receiver be the guide.
Kama Sutra Scratching
Use finger nails. The upper class Indians grew all their nails, or sometimes just one or two,
extra long. They filed them to a sharp point just for giving pleasure.
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Be sure to try long strokes and short ones too.
PRACTICE: Kama Sutra Embraces
Purpose
As we review the various Kama Sutra embraces, you'll have a chance to experiment to
discover what feels good and turns both giver and receiver on.
1. PREPARATIONS
Lay out a sarong, put on some soft sensual music, light some candles. Get together
any props you'll need: oil, feathers, towels, etc. Do a Heart Salutation. Discuss the
Partnering Questions. Decide who will begin as giver and receiver. Receiver, make as
much skin available for contact as you're comfortable with. The "nuder" the better.
2. LIP KISSING
Experiment kissing each other's lips and mouths. Be creative. If you get a great idea,
try it out and then your partner to try it on you.
3. BODY KISSING
Extend what you enjoyed on the lips to everywhere on the body. Don't leave anything
out. Relax into and relish the sensations when you're receiving.
4. LICKING
Now try licking all those parts you kissed. Use the tip of the tongue, the flat, the sides,
and circling.
5. SUCKING & SQUEEZING
Another trip around the world, this time applying suction and pressure with your
lips.
6. BITING
Experiment with biting by gently applying your teeth in all manner of places on your
beloved's beautiful body. At first, stop short of leaving any marks. If requested, you can
gradually use more pressure, being careful not to break the skin.
7. SCRATCHING
Your hands are dying to get in on the act, we know. Using your nails, test out
different strokes, long and short, hard and soft, fast and slow, to discover what the
different parts of your beloved's body prefers.
8. CLOSE
Bring your light touch to a close. Hug, hold, or lie next to each other. Feel the
receiver's subtle excitement and energy. Talk about how the experience was for each of
you. What did you like doing and receiving the best and the least? Close your Sacred
Space with a Heart Salutation.
9. SWITCH
Switch roles right away or take a little break for the receiver to assimilate the new
sensations.
4.7 Other Juicy Ideas Section
Waking Yoni
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In the Sacred Landscape and Sacred Gate Massage Chapters, you'll discover many
wonderful ways to touch yoni. Later on, our focus will be maximum pleasure at the height of
passion. But that doesn't mean yoni should be left out of any early loveplay when she's craving
attention.
After the How To Touch Me practice, you should have a pretty good idea of how your
woman likes her yoni approached. If not, try it again and go deeper.
Because yoni needs to feel safe before she can relax, the vast majority of women prefer a
loving, slow approach. This means your beloved needs to feel safe, too. Women open naturally
when they feel loved and desired for who they are.
Most women don't like their yoni touched as a surprise. Before you touch yoni with your
fingers or your mouth, be sure to ask your lovely woman...
• "Is it okay if I touch yoni?" or
• "Is yoni ready to be touched with my fingers?" or
• "Would yoni like to feel my tongue now?"
If she is moaning and writhing, you can be very playful, but it's still a good idea for her to
say when she's ready.
Oral Stimulation
As we've mentioned, in spite of its detailed pro-sex guidance, the Kama Sutra preferred
warm-up embraces leading quickly to maithuna, over lengthy oral sex.
In Tantra, we don't depend, declare, or insist on any "right" kind of stimulation. Instead, we
urge you to seek out what you like, what gets your motor running, and what makes your juices
start flowing. What floats your cork is purely personal.
Since arousal is essential to awaken the Sacred Gate, we encourage you to experiment freely
with oral sex. The more you play with it and like it, the more uninhibited you'll find yourself.
Get creative and extend the spirit of the Kama Sutra embraces to mouth, lip, and tongue
embraces. Answer the questions below and talk with your beloved about it. Then play, play,
play
Receiving oral sex can be a powerful turn-on for both men and women, so much so that it
can lead to explosive orgasm that detracts from building energy and Sacred Gate play. So use it
wisely and sparingly when you choose to do sexual healing or expand your repertoire with GSpot
massage or female ejaculation.
If you want to know more about Tantric Oral Sex, be on the lookout for our ebook of the
same name.
EXERCISE: Oral Discussion Questions
Here are some statements to complete by reflecting, journalling, or talking...
• The way I feel about giving oral sex is...
• Yoni or vajra enjoys being kissed, licked, or sucked this way...
• Here's how clio enjoys being kissed, licked, sucked, or squeezed by a mouth...
Safe, Smart, & Conscious Sex
Sex with total consciousness is Tantric Sex. Tantra says "yes" to whatever you desire with
consciousness. Though we may advocate sexuality in any form you choose, we urge you not to
act in an u*********s or unsafe manner.
Serious STDs (sexually transmitted diseases) such as HIV (the AIDS virus) and Hepatitis are
transmitted through fluid exchange. Other STDs are transmitted through sexual contact.
If you're sexually active outside a long-term committed relationship, it behooves you to pay
attention to the levels of risk of the sex practices you choose to engage in. If you want to enjoy
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unprotected contact with your lover or you're concerned about being infected, it's your moral
responsibility to check it out before exchanging fluids. Your doctor of county health department
can provide you with tests for the health-threatening STDs.
When we were first together, we talked openly about our sexual practices and decided very
quickly we trusted each other's judgment and behavior. Even so, we got tested, used protection
for several months, and then were tested again before we went fully skin to skin.
Being Fully Present
If either partner has any concerns about contracting any kind of infection (even a cold) or
getting pregnant, part of that person isn't totally present for any loving experience you may be
having. It detracts from the presence cornerstone of Supreme Bliss.
Fear of pregnancy can rob you of pleasurable sexual experiences. This could happen if a
woman is changing forms of birth control or is using a method of birth control that isn't as
reliable as others. In this case, the man would be wise to use condoms until both feel confident
with the new method of birth control.
To prevent transmission of the most health-threatening diseases as well as most of the
others, you need to prevent the exchange of bodily fluids with partners who haven't been
tested. Barriers like condoms for sexual union and fellatio, plastic wrap or dental dams for
cunnilingus, are universally recommended.
What's our bottom line? We avoid any sexual play with untested partners that would allow
bodily fluid, mucous, bl**d, or ejaculate to contact an open wound, sore, or mucous membrane
(such as inside yoni).
4.8 Closing Section
Tantric Sex is a conscious all-chakra affair. Use communication, build intimacy, make your
space sacred. Teach each other what you like and try out new things. Touch sensuously, be
responsive, and respond to your beloved's signals. Use wonderful resources like the Kama
Sutra to expand your repertoire. Be smart, be conscious, and have fun.
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Chapter 5: Sacred Landscape
“Transformation is through the body, not away from it.”
----- Eckhart Tolle from THE POWER OF NOW
5.1 Opening Section
Purposes
The purposes of this chapter are to...
• Know how to find the parts of yoni.
• Practice turning on clio and yoni.
• Know exactly how to find a your own and your partner's G-Spot.
Your Sacred Landscape
This chapter delves deeply into the secret recesses of the female body. We begin showing
you how to love and accept yourself physically. We explore outer yoni (vagina), clio (clitoris),
and inner yoni before teaching you surefire ways to discover your Sacred Gate (G-Spot). There
are some darn good reasons why it's controversial, mysterious, and under appreciated.
We could have called it the anatomy chapter for it is that. But to those of us on the path of
bringing Supreme Bliss to the Goddess, we prefer to think of her body as the landscape leading
us both to the promised land.
5.2 Body Section
Honor Your Body
There is a major gender difference in the West regarding loving your body....
85% of women in this country are dissatisfied with their body in some way while only 15% of
men feel this way.
Neither of these figures necessarily reflect a healthy attitude nor a healthy behavior pattern.
Too many of us, especially women, internalize the media-driven pressure to have the
perfect body. We want you to remember that your body is a special God-given, Goddessblessed
vessel.
We can wax practical and point out it's the only one you've got, learn to love it and take care
of it the way it is now. And shortly we will wax poetic about its spiritual value. But
pontificating may not be enough.
You just may not be aware how deep the negative body-image programming goes until you
begin to worship yourself and each unique yoni you meet as a priceless work of art.
Are big breasts more sensitive? No, in fact the surgically enhanced ones often lose
sensitivity. Do thin-waisted women have longer or stronger orgasms? No way! Does your
weight influence your ability to run orgasmic energy and float non-stop in an extended Tantric
Orgasm? No, ma'am, not a bit. It's really about how much you love yourself.
What's Size Got To Do With It?
And while we're on the subject, guys, size doesn't count the way you think it does.
Sure, an untrained female lover will feel fuller when penetrated by a thicker vajra. But to
one with strong supple yoni muscles, it's not a big deal. We can't tell you how many stories
we've heard about how shorter thinner vajras used properly can hit the orgasmic trigger spot
much better.
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In Tantra, we don't subscribe to the exaggerated Madison-Avenue images of what's right,
healthy, and desirable for a body. Attractive bodies can assume many different shapes, sizes,
and proportions, as long as they're loved and cared for. In truth, we're more driven to the
conscious presence, the life f***e, and the sexual energy field of the beings we encounter.
In Tantra, we've shifted our beliefs, the ones in our heads and in our flesh, to accepting that
the body is a divine gift. Your body is the temple of your soul, the physical extension of your
inner being. Forget what anyone else tries to tell you. Concentrate instead on how it feels.
Treat Yourself Well
To be totally explicit, we want to support you in feeling maximum pleasure with whatever
you experience in this world. Which requires you totally accepting who you are mentally,
emotionally, spiritually, and, yes, physically.
Your body is the physical expression of who you are in this world. It is an extension of your
inner spiritual self. To a Tantrika, we view the body as something God given, so we call it what
it really is, your temple. The sanctuary of your soul.
Loving and honoring your physical temple is demonstrated in your life through what you
eat, how you exercise, and how fit you maintain your body. Not to mention how much pleasure
you feed it regularly.
If you desire to be a world-class lover, you must have the body and the energy to sustain
frequent long lovemaking sessions.
If you truly love yourself, which is a high state of spiritual health, then you will treat your
body with care, give it the loving attention that is necessary, and not abuse it.
EXERCISE: Body Discussion Questions
Here are some questions to use for reflecting, journalling, or talking...
• How do you feel about your body?
• How do you feel about the size of your jewels?
• What do you do to honor your body?
• What more could you do to honor your body?
Love It, Your Only Option
Think about it. All women have a G-Spot and its power is unrelated to how they look on the
outside. If your G-Spot is really the secret inner orgasmic trigger to untold ecstasy, why make
such a big deal about the outer?
One of Somraj's favorite lovers matches more the well-rounded look. He says about her...
"She is a true Goddess in bed because of how she accepts herself, loves her body, and channels
the lightning we create together. In comparison, too many of my past stick-thin beautiful lovers
just lay there and did nothing for me."
Love every inch of your temple. Cherish and care for it. Touch and caress yourself as you
would a newborn's bottom. Lovingly admire your curves, nooks, and crannies. Delight in your
body's specially sensitive zones and their delicious sensations. Make pursuing what feels good
your religion. Give thanks for the pleasure your body brings you.
Really, we mean it, starting now.
PRACTICE: Honoring Your Body
Description
Have you ever really looked at yourself without the filter of other people's right and
wrong standards? Even if you have, here's your chance to love your body Tantrically.
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One of the things we enjoy about giving the****utic massage is doing just this for each
other and complete strangers.
Purpose
To observe, examine, and explore every inch of your body without shame, blame, or
judgment. Just accept it, baby.
1. SETTING
Stand in front of mirror in a warm, well-lighted room. Put on some sensuous music in
the background.
2. NAMASTÉ
Signal the beginning of the practice by giving yourself a namasté, the ritual spiritual
greeting with palms together over the heart indicating that you honor divine power
within.
3. LOOK
Look at yourself full front, side to side, back over your shoulder. Just look. Turn
around, all positions and angles.
4. STRIP
Slowly, consciously, and sensuously take off all your clothes. After each piece of
clothing is gone, look yourself over. Do this again and again until you're completely
naked.
5. LOVE YOURSELF
Smile at yourself. Admire every part of yourself you can. Tell each part of your body
that you love it. Touch it caressingly as you do. For example, "I love you legs, I love you
butt."
6. DROP EVERYTHING
You've dropped your outer shell, now drop the inner ones. Ask yourself how you feel
just looking honestly and completely. Leave prejudices aside whether you inherited
them from magazines, movies, or your mom. Notice what beliefs crop up and move past
them by looking at yourself innocently, with the eyes of a c***d.
7. NOTICE
Focus clearly and precisely on the details. Notice what you like about your face, your
torso, your chest, your hips, your legs, your butt, your vulva.
8. HEALING
Lovingly touch those areas you find you're uncomfortable with. Breathe into them.
Start a flow of love energy from your heart to these neglected spots. Infuse them with
life by sending them love. In this way, connect every part of body with your heart and
soul.
9. AWAKEN
If you can't shed some of the lingering self-distaste, energize those spots with sexual
energy. Connect your rejected spots with pleasure spots with one hand on each.
Remember peak ecstatic moments you've experienced anywhere in your body and
attach those feelings to these troubled zones. If you're concerned about a sagging breast,
infuse it with the best nipple sucking you can recall. If you'd like your tummy flatter,
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open conduits to your clio by stimulating both right now. As you awaken neglected
spot, be sure to remember times when each felt pleasure or exploded with orgasm.
10. RITUAL BATH
For closure, we suggest you take a ritual bath. Tidy your bathroom, light incense and
candles, and add soothing salts or bubbles to the water. Then slip in with the intent of
washing away self-judgments and negative thoughts about body parts. As you do, out
loud say affirmations like "I cleanse this breast of all judgment and fully accept its
natural beauty and essence."
Afterthoughts
We invite you do this practice a second time with a partner. Stand in front of each
other instead of the mirror. Be sure to voice all the positives. First, say out loud what you
love about your body. Second, ask your partner to voice what they love about your
body. Your only job is to take the gaze, the admiration, the love in. Whatever you hear,
receiver, be silent. No excuses, no self-judgments, no put-downs allowed.
5.3 Outer Yoni Section
“Only by loving your body will you come closer to God...the body knows how to dance, how to
sing, how to pulsate with God. When the body starts vibrating with the divine, suddenly you will
see your soul is also vibrating. Your body and soul are one.” -------- Osho
Learning By Touching
Our fingers are the perfect natural tools to uncover the mysteries of yoni and her Sacred
Gate. Touching is a normal human way of discovering and feeling things out. Fingers are highly
sensitive with lots of nerve endings and we're all skilled at manipulating them.
Yes, we're suggesting you touch yourself. Self-pleasuring is a powerful way to discover
your Sacred Gate and how to give it maximum delight.
Since Tantra encourages all forms of conscious exploration of your desires, we urge you not
to resist any kind of sexual play. It's a tragedy that self-pleasuring isn't more socially accepted
in humans. Well, that's largely because of the shame that's drummed into us at an early age,
isn't it?
In Tantra, which is totally pro-pleasure and sex-positive, we don't call it masturbation. That
word has a guilt-ridden association, doesn't it? Of course, if it turns you on to think you're
doing something naughty, call it what you want. One of these days we aim to write a book
about "The Tantric Art Of Talking Dirty."
It's too bad we're not all proud experts in self-pleasuring. It's such an ideal way to learn
about your body and sexuality. You're always the closest to the action. You have the strongest
vested interest in mastering your body's uniqueness. Feedback is instant. No attention is
required to the challenging art of communication. And the big payoff is immediate pleasure.
Excel and you might even have an orgasm. Whoopee!
Of course, for self-pleasuring to work well, you need to listen to your body intently instead
of being consumed by guilt. To welcome the life-altering power of Sacred Gate pleasure into
your life, drop all these old inhibitions that don't serve you. The taboos are for nay-sayers.
Tantrikas specialize in celebrating "yes" about all aspects of life.
Unfortunately, the shape of some women's bodies makes G-Spot self-pleasuring difficult or
uncomfortable when they are doing themselves. Also, many women's fingers aren't long
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enough or strong enough for facile internal experimenting. Later we'll suggest some uses of
specific sex toys to facilitate self-pleasuring.
OK, now that our anti-moralizing is out of the way, let's get down to exploring and enjoying
your body yourself.
Yoni's Sacred Landscape
Because of our social conditioning, most of us don't appreciate our jewels (genitals) fully
and accept their unique shape, size, and aroma. If you want to experience the heights of sexual
ecstasy, it's essential that you start now on a personal program of loving these sacred parts of
your body.
Right now, begin exploring yoni's sacred landscape in greater detail. What do you think of
when you visualize your yoni? A rose as it's poetically viewed in the modern West? A lotus
flower as the Tantrics traditionally viewed her? Do you think of her as a unique work of art?
Because we revere the power of the Goddess as expressed in each woman's body and her
sexual powers, Tantrikas honor the yoni as a sacred place. We gaze reverently, we bow and
namasté, and offer gifts of pleasure.
Each yoni is a beautiful work of art. Just as no two women's faces are alike, yonis are all
different. Lips, clio, opening can be larger, smaller, closer, farther. Some lips are longer, some
shorter, each with its own special flair and personality. And remember, size and shape have
nothing to do with functioning, sexual or otherwise.
PRACTICE: Explore Yoni Solo
Purpose
To really look at your yoni thoroughly from a fresh c***dlike perspective,
appreciating its beauty and accepting all its parts.
Description
A good way to do this and similar practices is by sitting and reclining. One good way
to arrange yourself is leaning against a backjack. A backjack is a simple chair-like device
that makes sitting on the floor easier. Backjacks are cloth-covered metal-framed back
supports that rest on the floor with a low foam-rubber seat.
1. PREPARATIONS
Tidy and heat your bathroom or bedroom and the place where you'll explore yoni so
you'll be warm enough to do this practice in the nude. We recommend doing this
practice in front of a full-length mirror if you can arrange it comfortably. Either way,
collect up a hand mirror, a strong flashlight, drinking water, a drawing pad, and some
pencils before you begin.
2. RITUAL BATH
Give yourself a ritual bath to freshen your body and cleanse your energy. Light
incense and candles and add soothing salts or bubbles to the water. Then wash yourself
tenderly as if you were bathing a newborn.
3. POSITION
Arrange yourself nude in a comfortable reclining position propped on pillows or
using a backjack in front of a full length mirror with legs spread apart. If can't arrange
this comfortably, you can lean against your bed headboard and use a hand mirror
instead. The brighter the lighting the better so you can focus on your sacred details.
4. SACRED SPACE
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Use whatever ritual actions and props help you make your play space sacred,
including sensual music. Acknowledge yourself and your inner being spiritually with a
namasté.
5. ADMIRING YONI
Focus on your yoni with love and appreciation. Look at her parts in depth: hair,
mound, lips, clio, opening. Breathe life into your beautiful flower from inside and out.
6. DRAWING
A wonderful way to concentrate on the details of your yoni without self-put-downs
or personal resistance is by drawing a picture of what you see. Your drawing skill and
art quality aren't important, it's the studying yourself that is. After you've sketched your
closed yoni, hold her lips open with one hand while you draw the parts normally
hidden from outside view.
7. TURN-ON
Gently touch the inner and outer parts of yoni. Feel how the different tissues feel
different to your touch. If you want to go further, caress yourself to turn yourself on. As
you get aroused, watch the changes that occur in the skin color, texture, and shape of
your body, especially your breasts, nipples, and yoni. Notice your breathing, motions,
and muscle tension and other changes like lubrication. Make another sketch of your yoni
when turned on.
8. INSIDE
Put a moistened finger inside yoni. We encourage you to taste and smell the clean
natural fluids on your finger. In Tantra, we view them as sacred. Learn to associate these
senses with pleasure by practicing and talking with yourself. You can even draw the
inside of your yoni if you've ever taken a clear plastic speculum home from a
gynecological exam.
9. CLOSING
Close your Sacred Space by giving yourself a namasté and doing whatever works for
you to give thanks for the pleasure your body brings you.
PRACTICE: Play Doctor Yoni Exploration
Description
Were you lucky enough to play doctor with your young friends while growing up?
We hope you had a chance to check out the jewels on the other side of the gender line
before you bought all the negativity adults dump on k**s these days. If not, never fear,
you can be a k** again and play with your favorite "doctor" tonight.
If you practice this enough, you'll come to a place of personal pride. You'll believe
your yoni is beautiful and really feel she is a sacred gift. So naturally you'll want to show
her off to those you love and trust.
If you've never had a partner explore your sacred garden in the same way, here's your
chance to deepen your intimacy and self-acceptance.
Some notes to the giver: Approach this practice as a sacred trust. This kind of
exposure makes a woman highly vulnerable. Tell her what you plan to do before you do
it. Get permission for major changes. Maintain as much eye contact as possible. Give
reassurance. If you're not sure of something, ask a question. Feedback and dialogue are
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great as long as you don't extend that to distracting sidetalk. Above all, show your love
and respect.
Purpose
To offer your lover a chance to look at your yoni thoroughly from a fresh c***dlike
perspective, appreciating its beauty and accepting all its parts.
1. PREPARATIONS
Tidy and heat your bathroom and the place where you'll explore yoni so you'll be
warm enough to do this practice in the nude. Have props and drinking water handy.
2. RITUAL BATH
Ask your lover to give you a ritual bath to freshen and cleanse your energy as well as
your body. Light incense and candles and add soothing salts or bubbles to the water.
3. POSITION
Arrange yourself with a loose wrap in a comfortable reclining position with legs
spread propped on pillows, a backjack, or against your bed headboard. Your partner
should be seated on a pillow or backjack between your legs. Without being glaring, be
sure the lighting is adequate for your lover to see your sacred details. If you want to
create a better atmosphere in the room with candles and indirect lighting, your partner
can use a flashlight.
4. SACRED SPACE
Use whatever ritual actions and props, including sensual music, help you make your
play space sacred. Acknowledge each other spiritually with a Heart Salutation. Discuss
the Partnering Questions -- desires, concerns, and boundaries -- before you actually
begin.
5. HONORING
Before beginning, your partner should offer yoni a gift such as a small flower, express
appreciation for being welcomed in such an intimate way, and promise to respect her
and you in any way you require. Your beloved can say something like "I offer this
flower as a symbol of how I honor yoni. Thank you for trusting me enough to invite me
to view this special place." When you feel ready, give your partner permission to
examine yoni.
6. ADMIRING YONI
Spread your legs wide and uncover yoni fully. Ask your partner to focus on yoni with
love and appreciation, looking closely and in detail at all her parts. The most loving
partners will tell you how lovely she looks.
7. OPENING
Hold yoni's lips open so your lover can see the parts normally hidden from outside
view.
8. TURN-ON
If you want to go further, caress yourself to turn yourself on. As you get aroused,
show your lover the changes that occur in the skin color, texture, and shape of your
body, especially your breasts, nipples, and yoni.
9. INSIDE
If you have a speculum and you're willing, let your lover look inside yoni.
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10. CLOSING
Close your Sacred Space by talking about what happened, giving each other a Heart
Salutation, and giving thanks for the trust and intimacy you shared.
Touch The Whole Body Tantrically
Now that you're solidly on the path of loving your body in total, let's get serious about the
obvious thrust of this book. What specific parts respond to sexual stimulation? There has been
lots of research on erogenous zones, the parts of the body that arouse sexual desire when you
touch them.
What's the biggest erogenous zone? If your thoughts went to your crotch, we got ya. It's
your skin. Any millimeter of your epidermis can turn you on, especially if you relax, use
Orgasmic Breathing, and flow energy to it.
The sixteenth-century Hindu love manual, the "Ananga Ranga," teaches that a woman's
erogenous zones are the head, eyes, lips, mouth, cheeks, ears, throat, nape of the neck, breasts,
nipples, belly, back, arms, hands, thighs, knees, ankles, feet, big toes, yoni, waist, buttocks,
crown of the head, and the center of the forehead.
Whew! No wonder women complain they want more foreplay with so much territory to
cover.
In fact, those complainers are much more likely to tell you that it's HOW you touch her skin
that feels sensual. And we're not just talking about technique here. What counts is the presence,
the sensitivity, the love that you touch with. That's what we call Tantric Touch.
Erotic Zones That Crave Love & Touch
Diving right into G-Spot massage or sexual union is uncomfortable for most women. Not
only is it non-Tantric, in most cases it's downright rude.
The Goddess is much more juicy and joyous when awakened through full-body sensual
massage first. Physical arousal from the outside and streaming energy from the inside are
wonderful preparations for entering the Sacred Gate.
We don't mean to suggest you should to leave out loving touch for your jewels and your
other erectile tissues. Those are parts of the body that are physiologically sensitive to touch that
they become engorged with bl**d when aroused, which you can tell because they swell and
darken.
What erectile tissues do women report are the most sensitive and erotic?
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• Mons: Classically known as the Mounds of Venus, the soft pubic-hair-adorned tissue
covering the pubic bone that divides into yoni's outer lips.
• Lips: Yoni's labia are soft folds of skin that protect her when she's resting. The outside
lips are called the labia majora and the inside ones are the labia minora.
• Clio: The clitoris is the highly sensitive bud that peaks out under its hood at the apex
of the inner lips and extends deeper inside around yoni.
• Urethra: The canal that conducts urine from the bladder to the outside world. You
can make out the highly sensitive orifice, known as the meatus, near the top or just
inside yoni's mouth.
• Urethral Sponge: Spongy erectile tissue that surrounds a woman's urethra composed
of up to forty little paraurethral glands and ducts collectively known as the female
prostate.
• Inner Yoni: The vagina, the elastic tube that extends from the vaginal opening, or
yoni's mouth, up to the cervix, the opening to the uterus or womb.
• Perineum: The spongy, highly erogenous tissue between yoni and the anus that
includes the soft sensitive tissue on yoni's back wall.
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• Anus: The other very sensitive orifice between the butt cheeks which is too often
overlooked. This is unfortunate because it's loaded with nerve endings. Our Tantric
name for the anus is rosetta.
Just like other body parts, these erotic zones come in all shapes and sizes, which by the way
has little to do with their sensitivity.
PRACTICE: Awakening Your Erotic Zones
Description
Let's extend your self-loving to these extra special spots.
For this practice you'll need pillows and backjack or other back support, towels,
personal lubricant, flashlight or small table lamp, and a small hand mirror. We like to
put a soft towel or absorbent pad underneath a sarong to eliminate any selfconsciousness
caused by fluids potentially wetting the bed. Yes, your assignment, ladies,
is to get wet!
Purpose
To accept and explore all your erogenous zones thoroughly in order to discover
what's most sensitive.
1. POSITION
Arrange yourself nude in a warm room in a comfortable reclining position propped
on pillows, leaning against your bed headboard, or using a backjack.
2. SACRED SPACE
Use whatever ritual actions and props help you make your play space sacred. Use
erotic background music that gets your juices flowing. Acknowledge yourself and your
inner being spiritually with a namasté.
3. TOUCHING
Begin touching yourself Tantrically slowly all over as if you've never done this before.
Don't avoid anywhere you can reach.
4. EROTIC ZONES
As you glide around your skin and hair, notice what feels best and start zooming in
on what gives the most pleasure.
5. OBSERVE
As you turn yourself on, watch the changes that occur in the skin color, texture, and
shape of your body, especially your breasts, nipples, and yoni. Notice your breathing,
motions, and muscle tension and other changes like lubrication.
6. MAPPING
Experiment to find what's most sensitive. What kind of stroke, pressure, and speed is
most erotic for each pleasure spot? What feels neutral or numb? What's uncomfortable,
tense, painful?
7. ORGASMIC BREATHING
Also experiment with using Orgasmic Breathing to use your erogenous zones to
generate and spread sexual energy.
8. SELF-PLEASURING
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Bolster your self-love and your acceptance of the truth that your body and its
pleasures are divine gifts. Energize this reality by connecting the erotic zones generating
Kundalini with your heart and spiritual centers in the head. For example, put one hand
on yoni and the other on your third eye. Use this step to reframe self-pleasuring in your
mind as a sacred ritual.
9. CLOSING
Close your Sacred Space by giving yourself a namasté and doing whatever works for
you to give thanks for the pleasure your body brings you.
Yoni-Do
Some women care for their pubic hairdo just as they do their head hair. Some tidy, some
create a heart or other design over their mons, some shave completely naked down to yoni's
opening. We honor all manifestations of the Goddess.
Do you have a yoni-do? Have you ever shaved down there? We don't urge one form over
another, but we do suggest you consider your preferences. Begin to take personal pride in the
appearance of your most sacred grotto. This isn't preparation for a sojourn at a nudist camp. It's
revering your most sacred of spaces for your own pride.
What would look best to you? What feels best with tight pants and during sex? What does
your partner prefer? Experiment and find your pubic hair identity. We know couples who
bestow the responsibility for jewel hairdos on their partner. It takes a lot of trust in your partner
and yourself to allow another to take razor or trimmer to such a delicate place.
Somraj's vajra doesn't like the bristle of a growing yoni bush, both on the giving and
receiving side. He trims around vajra's base every month or so to keep the wildest hairs at bay
and out of the way when open access is desired. Jeffre routinely dipilitates yoni's environs, and
through trimming leaves short softer hairs on her outer lips. That's what works for us. What
works best for you?
PRACTICE: Partner Shaving
Discuss with your partner some of the options you've considered. Find out what she
or he might like. Discuss the possibility of your partner shaving you. This can be quite a
turn on. If you're willing, go for it.
Lips
Yoni is protected by two soft folds of skin commonly called lips. Yoni's lips are two vertical
flaps of tissue medically known as labia. The longer, larger outer lips, the labia majora, extend
from the mons to below yoni's opening. Pubic hair typically grows from the mons down the
outer lips, sometimes on the inside too.
At rest, the outer lips cover the entire yoni. Which is of course their divine job, to protect
and serve. When aroused, they flatten against the sides of yoni, opening and exposing the soft
sensitive often moist inner lips and surrounding tissues.
The inner lips, labia minora, surround yoni's opening. At the top near the mons they meet to
form a hood that covers and protects the highly sensitive head of clio.
At rest, the inner lips are normally closed as well. When excited, they swell, lengthen, and
thicken until the protrude well past the outer lips. As a woman approaches orgasm, they can
become red or even wine colored.
Both sets of lips are sensitive to rubbing, brushing, blowing, and licking. Don't be deterred
by any pubic hair your lover chooses to retain. Pulling on it gently and swirling it between
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fingers or tongue is pleasurable. Just be sure use ample lubricant so that you don't tug or abrade
the skin.
Wetness
Yoni and Sacred Gate massage feel much more luxurious when accompanied by ample
wetness. Yet, not every woman always lubricates enough naturally for smooth gliding over all
her sensitive tissues.
This is not a measurement of your sexiness or your lover's skill. It's just a physical reality
like the changing of the seasons or the ebb and flow of ocean tides. Not every woman gets
totally wet all the time. Using latex gloves or condoms tends to dry lubrication faster than skinon-
skin play. Especially as a woman approaches menopause, natural wetness decreases.
To learn to float in the Supreme Bliss of Sacred Gate ecstasy, both giver and receiver must
develop sensitivity to lubrication in each moment. Learn what brings on your natural flow and
what sensual products you prefer to use for assistance.
By the way, don't hold out for the coming Female Ejaculation Chapter. Amrita, the fluid
expelled during female orgasm, isn't thick enough to provide enough slipperiness. When Jeffre
is in a gushing mood, we have to replenish our preferred lubricant every few moments. Have
you heard the phrase "the price of doing business?" It's just a reality we've learned to accept and
enjoy.
Lubricants
So what can you add to your sacred play if you need to bolster natural wetness? There are
really two ways to go: oil and water. And you're right, inside yoni they don't mix.
Because they don't dry out quickly, we sometimes use massage oil or thicker oil-based
products on clio and yoni's external lips. Our favorite is a makeup remover found at many d**g
stores called Abolene.
We're extra careful not to introduce any of this type of products inside. We do that by
avoiding the yoni's mouth at first and wiping carefully on a towel or Baby Wipe before
penetration.
The environment of inner yoni is a carefully balanced one, easily disturbed by introducing
unnatural substances. That includes digestibles like Vaseline, oil, fruit jelly, whip cream,
chocolate sauce, honey, or many feminine hygiene and spermicide products. One physician
friend is so zealous about this that he urges women to never put anything inside yoni that isn't
pure water or skin.
Friendly bacteria, lactobacilli, like what's in yogurt, live in harmony with yoni's wet dark
environment and keep yeast, candida, at bay. If you introduce undesirable substances, it can
throw yoni's pH balance out of whack. If the yeast takes over, the consequences are
uncomfortable, sometimes painful, as she strives to regain her delicate floral balance.
Spermicide on many condoms and some lubricants, nonoxynol, is awfully strong. Some
studies have shown it's so abrasive that its use irritates the skin and makes it more likely to
transmit STD bacteria and viruses so we recommend avoiding it. Further, did you know that
oil-based products are known to slowly deteriorate latex? That makes them unsafe for
protection against STDs (sexually transmitted diseases) when you're using condoms.
Water Water Everywhere And So Much Fun To Drink
There are many advantages to using water-based lubricants, as well as a few drawbacks.
They tend to be more natural and more absorbent. They merge with a woman's inherent
secretions better. But they tend to dry out as the water evaporates. And some have ingredients
that overly sensitive yonis can do without.
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Though it's not as thick and long-lasting as many commercial products, saliva is the most
natural, plentiful, and inexpensive. Our ebook on Tantric Oral Sex will give you all the tips and
techniques you'll ever need to carefully apply saliva to yoni.
There are lots of non-saliva choices on the market today. Wet, Astroglide, Probe, Liquid Silk,
and KY are some of the more commonly used ones. Jeffre used to prefer the light version of
Wet, but her favorite now is Probe. It has a natural fruit-based preservative and is largely
tasteless, but some of our friends find it too thick. Others prefer Liquid Silk, but it doesn't taste
very great. Which is best for you? Who knows, you lucky soul, you get to experiment.
Where to get them? d**g stores carry a limited, often less-than-natural selection. Adult
bookstores and sex shops have the best variety, but then you have brave the seamy steamy
environment of most of them. We buy ours on-line. Good Vibrations, goodvibes.com, a
wonderful employee-owned sex-positive women-staffed vendor that offers a sample pack of
small amounts of most popular ones. Also our friend Gary at DoctorG.com has a wonderful
supply. There are lots of other choices on the internet.
If the wetness from your yoni and mouth provides enough slipperiness for all kinds of
external and internal play, then enjoy your natural lubrication. If not or if you're curious, we
encourage you to explore different kinds of substances that you can use in different situations.
For instance, anal play always requires additional water-based lubrication.
PRACTICE: Partner Awakening Outer Yoni
Description
Let's take this opportunity to see what most pleases yoni and what kind of lubrication
helps. See the notes to the giver in the Play Doctor practice.
Purpose
To relax, open, and awaken outer yoni's unique energy while showing a partner how
to touch you and build intimacy.
1. PREPARATIONS
Begin by tidying up, heating your room, taking a ritual bath, and arranging the space
so you can lean back against a backjack or pile of pillows with legs spread. Often pillows
under knees make it more comfortable for extended play. Be sure to have drinking water
and various lubricants handy for experimenting. Use soft towels or absorbent pads
underneath to eliminate any self-consciousness about your fluids wetting the bed.
2. SACRED SPACE
Use whatever ritual actions and props help you make your play space sacred,
including erotic music. Acknowledge each other spiritually with a Heart Salutation and
sweet words of love and honoring. Discuss the Partnering Questions -- desires, concerns,
and boundaries -- before you actually begin.
3. TOUCHING
Have your lover begin by slowly caressing, arousing, and touching you Tantrically.
Ask them to start at the perimeter and circle towards yoni: legs, thighs, face, neck,
tummy, breasts. Make sure you both take your time and enjoy. It's your job to relax,
breathe deeply, and make sounds that express what you're feeling. A good partner will
remind you of these ways to be present, responsive, and appreciative.
4. OUTER YONI
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Ask your lover to touch outer yoni with a gentle loving Tantric touch. (A good
partner would never approach yoni without permission.) Giver, try circling around the
perimeter and gradually coming closer and closer. Squeeze her outer lips between
thumb and forefinger, then gently rubbing the outer lips together.
5. EXPERIMENT
As yoni begins to warm and open, ask your lover to use one of your sample
lubricants with different strokes. You can try oil on the outside as long as your partner is
careful not to get any inside yoni. Always ask for what you want and give gentle loving
feedback using the Feedback Sandwich (compliment, change, acknowledge). If you don't
know what you want most, ask for different strokes at different speeds and pressures.
6. STROKES
Giver, use a well-lubricated finger up and down the outside of yoni's outer lips. You
can turn this into circles by swiveling around to the other side at top and bottom.
Gradually move your strokes and circles to the inside of her outer lips. Circle around
clio and her inner lips as well. Just be careful not to make direct contact with clio too
soon.
7. TURN-ON
If you want, after learning together you can switch your attention to pleasure and
enjoy yourself to the max. Use Orgasmic Breathing to intensify and spread sexual energy
around your body. Your partner can help by reminding you to breathe if necessary.
Though orgasm isn't necessary, if you want to end with one, enjoy yourself.
8. COOL DOWN
When you're ready to stop, be sure your partner knows to follow your lead. Do you
want gradual slowing or simply holding still? Whatever you prefer, ask your lover not
to abruptly break contact. Instead, have them cup and hold yoni with their palm, while
the other hand is on your heart. Look in each other's eyes and breathe together.
9. CLOSING
Close your Sacred Space by talking about what happened, giving each other a Heart
Salutation, and giving thanks for the trust and intimacy you shared and the pleasure
your body brings you.
Afterthoughts
For now, see what you can learn and how turned on you can get by exterior play.
After we concentrate on clio and her unique needs, we'll cover the unique qualities
inside yoni.
5.4 Clio Section
Clio
Clio is an extensive band of highly excitable erectile tissue whose head peeks out of the
upper end of a woman's outer yoni (vulva) just below the meeting of the inner lips (labia).
Many consider clio, known medically as the clitoris, the crown jewel of female anatomy. She's
unique because, unlike every other part of the body, she has no other purpose but pleasure.
The good news, which you're probably aware of, is that this spongy erectile tissue is rich in
bl**d vessels and nerve endings that makes it swell with arousal and get firm, almost like a
little vajra (Tantric for penis).
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Clios vary considerably in size from woman to woman, just as vajra length and girth do for
men. Clio's tip, called the glans, is located at the apex, the top, of the inner yoni lips (labia
minora). The glans is the part most sensitive to touch and averages about the size of pencil
eraser.
Clio's Hood
The intersection of the inner lips creates a hood that covers the glans and protects clio under
most conditions. This is fortunate since she's the most sensitive erogenous zone for most
women. Why? Because she has the highest concentration of nerve endings in the female body.
We've heard as many as 8000 in that tiny little glans, more than any other part of the human
body. That's why clio is so hypersensitive. Before sufficient arousal, direct contact with her head
is too much, even painful, for most women.
If you pull back clio's hood, you may or may not see her. Some clios just aren't visible until
they swell with enough excitement. An erect clio often causes the hood to smooth out. When
aroused, some women's clios double in size.
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When a woman nears orgasm, clio typically retracts inward and downward toward yoni's
opening, hiding under the hood. But don't worry, she'll reappear when arousal decreases.
Clio's Deep Recesses
Clio has a shaft under the skin that extends up towards the pubic bone and belly before it
turns down toward inner yoni. When clio is aroused and swollen, the shaft becomes rigid and
sinks deeper inside the body.
The downward extensions of clio's shaft spread further towards inner yoni. Some believe
clio's erectile tissue extends deeper connecting with the urethral sponge, the labia, and the
perineum, nearly surrounding inner yoni. Though this premise hasn't been proven, it would
explain the sensitivity of these erogenous zones in and around yoni.
What has been medically accepted are clio's legs, called crura. The two crura continue down
deeper for about 3 inches (8 centimeters) towards the Sacred Gate, one on either side of inner
yoni. Have you ever noticed the pleasurable sensation from two fingers pressing into the soft
tissue on either side of yoni's opening? This is one of Jeffre's favorite warm-ups.
Clio's Responses
The deeper extensions of clio's anatomy may explain why Masters & Johnson's hypothesis
that only clio causes female orgasm was accepted for so long. Vajra penetration may very well
stimulate clio's legs. If the man moves upwards during missionary position intercourse or
grinds the woman's pubic bone at the end of the in-stroke, clio can receive significant
excitement.
Clio's physiology can help lovers understand some of the unique aspects of female sexual
response. The tip of clio is fed by the pudendal nerve as are yoni's lips and opening, the
perineum (the tissue between yoni and the anus), and the anus itself.
By the way, "pudenda" is a fancy out-of-date term for external human genitals.
Clio's shaft and legs (as well as inner yoni and the G-Spot) are fed by the pelvic nerve
deeper inside. This possibly explains why orgasms feel different when triggered by the inner
and outer erogenous zones. Much more about this later in the Ecstatic States Chapter about
higher levels of ecstasy.
By the way, when we refer to clio, we usually mean clio's glans. If we mean any of her inner
parts, we'll be specific.
How to Stimulate Clio
Remember the distinction between Yin, the nurturing female approach, and Yang, the
stronger more f***eful male approach? If you're not very experienced giving clios exactly what
they crave, pay careful attention to the difference.
Because clio is hypersensitive, a yin start is essential for most women. Begin by awakening
the rest of her body. As she warms and you approach yoni, be careful not to directly touch clio's
glans initially. Use a light, slow, gentle caress at first on clio's sides and shaft. A smooth limp
finger or tongue works great. Circling around clio feels great too. Be sure you have ample
lubrication from yoni, your mouth, or a commercial product. If the giver has really rough
hands, you might like to try latex gloves. It makes the fingers incredibly smooth.
As the woman's excitement grows, you can gradually approach clio more directly in a yang
way. Lightly at first, your straight or circular strokes can stray towards the glans. As feedback
tells you she's getting more turned-on, little by little increase your speed or pressure and ask for
feedback from the Goddess.
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As excitement builds, many women like a hand rubbing over clio and her environs. Some
like flicking with a finger or tongue. If you're using your mouth, you can try sucking an erect
clio as well.
When highly aroused, many women like super yang clio stimulation. That is, hard, fast, and
deep pressure.
Clio During Maithuna (Sexual Union)
We've found that too many women simply don't know what kinds of loveplay they like and
don't like. And those who do know are often too inhibited to talk about it or just don't know
how to describe it.
Whether you're an expert of clio's preferences or not, we encourage you to explore exactly
what she likes. See our Tantric LovePlay and Ecstatic States Chapters for ideas and practices.
And while we're on the subject of loving clio, consider how she's contacted during
maithuna.
We learned during our Native American sacred sexuality training (Quodoushka) that only
about 10% of women's clios are close enough to yoni's opening to be easily orgasmic from
typical vajra penetration. Unfortunately, straight pumping misses most clios entirely.
By adjusting angle and stroking, the average clio doesn't have to be completely ignored
during sexual union. The in-and-out motion may pull the external yoni tissue thereby
massaging clio. And of course a hard vajra can apply pleasurable pressure to clio's crura on
either side of inner yoni. Even better is a lover who knows how to grind his pubic bone on hers
on the in-stroke. These are some of the ways clio can participate actively and appreciate
maithuna.
EXERCISE: Clio Discussion Questions
Here are some questions to use for reflecting, journalling, or talking...
• How sensitive is clio?
• How close is clio to yoni's mouth?
• What does she want more of?
• What does she want less of?
5.5 Inner Yoni Section
Inner Yoni
Even if you don't remember, at one time you were intimately connected with the sacred
garden we refer to as inner yoni. We're sure you know the facts of life whether you recall the
details of your birth or not.
c***dbirth, intercourse, menstruation -- it seems yoni was designed with the reproduction of
the species as a first priority. We give thanks to the divine powers and ancient Tantrikas who
teach us how yoni offers unlimited pleasure as another sacred opportunity.
Inner yoni is a deeply folded, highly muscular, expandable canal lined with mucous
membranes. From its outside opening between the inner lips, yoni curves up towards the belly
and cervix, the entrance to the womb or uterus.
Normally the channel is collapsed upon itself so there's no space between its touching walls.
When first aroused, the membranes that cover yoni's insides lubricate. As she gets more
aroused, yoni opens and lengthens.
Yoni's deeper two-thirds have smoother walls with fewer nerve endings than the outward
third. Consequently, this inward area responds less to touch and more to pressure, like that
produced from a firm, hot, cylinder of flesh. What an amazing design!
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The outward third of yoni, the part closest to the mouth, is different in character than the
inward two-thirds. Because it's dense with nerve endings, the walls of yoni's outward third are
highly responsive to touch. Of course, you already knew that, right? These tissues are covered
with ridges and furrows, especially around the urethra that transports urine out of the bladder.
Urethra
The bladder is above the top inward end of yoni. The urethra is the medical name for the
slender tube that runs along the top or front side of inner yoni and conducts urine from the
bladder to the urethral opening near yoni's inner lips.
The average urethra is about 1.5 inches (4 centimeters) long, which is much shorter than the
similar canal in a man's vajra. Because it's so short, women are much more susceptible to
urinary tract and bladder infections. That's because germs don't have as far to travel inside,
especially after deep and extensive sexual play.
But don't worry, it's easy to prevent this. Just be sure to drink lots of water before, during,
and after sex of any kind. And remember to empty your bladder as soon after play as you can to
cleanse the canal.
The opening of the urethra is technically called the meatus. It lies below clio within yoni's
inner lips and near the top side of her opening. Some women's meatus is just inside the top side
of inner yoni. For many women, the meatus is especially sensitive to stimulation since it's
surrounded by the beginning of the urethral sponge.
Urethral Sponge
There are a number of glands and tissues around yoni that can create delicious sensations
with specific kinds of massage. The tissue along yoni's front or upper wall is colloquially called
the G-Spot.
The entire urethra is surrounded by spongy erectile tissue under the upper surface of yoni
which is called the urethral sponge. The sponge is composed of up to 40 little glands and ducts
referred to as paraurethral since "para" means beside or near.
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Some call the paraurethral glands the Skene's glands after the physician, Alexander Skene,
who discovered and drew them in 1880.
Dr. Milan Zaviacic, a medical professor at Comenius University in Slovakia, has been
studying women's urethral sponges since the early 80s. He's clearly demonstrated that the
tissue secretes the same chemicals produced by male prostates. Since these organs also develop
from the same tissue in men and women, he and many other sexologists now use the term
female prostate for the glands and ducts that surround the urethra.
With sexual arousal and firm pressure, the urethral sponge swells with fluid. Though the
exact physiology has yet to be completely understood, it's clear that female ejaculate comes
from the urethral sponge/female prostate at least in part.
Natural vaginal lubrication emanates from another source. This thicker, slippery fluid
comes from the Bartholin glands, two small organs located on each side of yoni's mouth.
The perineum is the sensitive tissue between yoni and rosetta (anus). Many women find
stimulation of this area highly pleasurable because of its rich nerve endings and erectile nature.
Plus it's close to another one of the most sensitive organs in the body, the anus. Maybe
proximity to the perineum and rosetta is why some women find the back wall of yoni near her
opening so sensitive.
EXERCISE: Prostate Discussion Questions
Here are some questions to use for reflecting, journalling, or talking...
• How familiar are you with the parts of your or your partner's female prostate?
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• What parts are most sensitive?
• What does each part prefer?
PC Muscle
The outward third of yoni is surrounded by the PC muscle. Medically, PC stands for
pubococcygeus. We have discussed this somewhat in the Kundalini Energy Chapter.
As you might expect from its initials, this muscle is connected in front to the bottom of the
pubic bone and in the back to the bottom of the spine, the coccyx. If you've ever tried to
interrupt peeing, you know how to locate your PC muscle from the inside. It snakes around
your yoni (or vajra and testicles for men) and rosetta in a double figure eight along the floor of
your pelvis.
Yoni and her muscle tone are inextricably connected to the strength of a woman's PC. With
a strong PC muscle, not only is yoni healthier and more apt to produce pleasure, but a woman
can grasp, grip, and massage a visiting vajra strongly. With a weak PC muscle, urine more
likely to leak from the bladder through the urethra, and sexual pleasure is diminished.
Many women's PC muscles are continually tense, often the result of emotional and
psychological issues resulting from negative sexual encounters. Not only is this unhealthy for
this vital part the body, but chronically tense PCs can radically impair a woman's ability to
orgasm and ejaculate.
Your PC, like clio's tip and the outward part of yoni, are fed by the pudendal nerve. It's
likely that with a strong pumping PC muscle you're stimulating clio's deeper extensions and
yoni's dense array of nerve endings and erectile tissue.
If you want to truly heighten your ecstatic experience, a strong PC muscle is vital. We
recommend exercises, especially done with the KegelMaster 2000.
PRACTICE: Solo Inner Yoni Massage
Purpose
To examine and experiment with inner yoni's unique structures, tissues, and
sensations by yourself.
Description
This practice builds on the earlier one called "Explore Yoni Solo." This new one is a
great way to discover more of the inner details you've just read about. I you and yoni
need to become closer and more intimate, this practice session was designed for you.
If you have a speculum, use it. If not, we suggest you buy one. Women are
undoubtedly familiar with this plastic device gynecologists use for yoni exams. Guys
may not realize that a speculum is an instrument used for dilating and lighting certain
passages of the body to facilitate examination.
Reaching inside yoni with your fingers may be awkward for extended periods of
time. To prevent this from happening, we encourage you to experiment with sex toys
like dildos and vibrators at this point. One of our favorites is the Crystal Wand. It's an
"S" shaped piece of clear plastic that's easy to hold and manipulate while you insert the
other end inside yoni. For more information, click here...
<http://www.tantraattahoe.com/product.htm>.
1. PREPARATIONS
Begin by tidying up, heating your room, taking a ritual bath, and arranging yourself
leaning back against a backjack or pile of pillows with legs spread. Often pillows under
knees make it more comfortable for extended play. Props you may want to collect are a
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speculum, mirror, flashlight, lubricant, towels, vibrator, and Crystal Wand or dildo. Use
a soft towel or absorbent pad underneath to eliminate any self-consciousness of fluids
wetting the bed.
2. SACRED SPACE
Use whatever ritual actions and props help you make your play space sacred.
Carefully choose soothing sensuous music. Acknowledge yourself and your inner being
spiritually with a namasté.
3. BODY
Begin by slowly touching, caressing, and arousing yourself. Start at the perimeter and
circle towards yoni: legs, thighs, face, neck, tummy, breasts. Take your time and enjoy.
Be sure to relax, breathe deeply, and make sounds that express what you're feeling.
4. OUTER YONI
Touch outer yoni gently and lovingly. As she begins to warm and open, add
whatever lubricant you prefer. Some women prefer clio stimulation before yoni
penetration. As you turn yourself on, follow your own guidance.
5. INNER VIEWING
If you have a speculum, this is a good time to lubricate and insert it and examine the
different surfaces and glands within. Even if you don't, you can spread your inner lips
and see into the outward third of yoni. Examine the membranes and see if you can
identify any of the different types of glands that surround yoni.
6. INSIDE YONI
Lick or lubricate a finger and slowly circle it as far as your hand will turn around
yoni's opening in both directions from 12 o'clock (the top side) to 6 o'clock (the bottom
side). Do you feel different sensations at any clock position? Does your finger feel any
differences in texture or shape?
7. DEEPER
With gentle Tantric touch, insert your finger another inch and repeat the circling
motions, continuing to feel inside and out. Go deeper an inch at a time as far as you can
while discovering different feelings and sensations. Combine in and out with circling
motions as you go descend. Also, tighten your PC muscle and feel the pressure on your
finger in different positions. If your hand or finger gets too tired, remove it and shake
out the tension before continuing. Whenever you decide the time is right, feel free to
switch to using a toy like the Crystal Wand.
8. TURN-ON
To really learn what's most sensitive, switch your focus from exploring to pleasure.
Use Orgasmic Breathing to intensify and spread Kundalini energy around your body.
Though orgasm isn't necessary, if you get swept away by a big explosion -- or really
want to end with one -- enjoy yourself.
9. CLOSING
Close your Sacred Space by giving yourself a namasté and doing whatever works for
you to give thanks for the pleasure your body brings you.
PRACTICE: Partner Inner Yoni Massage
Description
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We hope you enjoyed discovering new things that please yoni while bringing
yourself exquisite pleasure. Now that you've mapped yoni's special zones and identified
how prefers to be massaged, you can share these findings with your partner.
You secret garden is a divine place. Sharing yoni's secrets is a sacred gift. Enter into
this practice as a way to build intimacy, not with any strong expectations or discreet
goals. Continue the spirit of the Play Doctor Practice earlier in this chapter.
Some notes to the giver: Approach this practice as a sacred trust. This kind of
exposure makes a woman highly vulnerable. Tell her what you plan to do before you do
it. Get permission for major changes. Maintain eye contact as much as possible. Give
reassurance. If you're not sure of something, ask a question. Feedback and dialogue are
great as long as you don't extend that to distracting sidetalk. Above all, show your love
and respect.
Purpose
To guide a partner to explore inner yoni's unique character and energy so you can
relax, open, and awaken to build intimacy and lovemaking skill.
1. PREPARATIONS
Begin by tidying up, heating your room, taking a ritual bath, and arranging space
leaning back against a backjack or pile of pillows with legs spread. Often pillows under
knees make it more comfortable for extended play. Props you may want to collect are a
speculum, mirror, flashlight, lubricant, towels, vibrator, and Crystal Wand or other sex
toy. Use a soft towel or absorbent pad underneath to eliminate any self-consciousness of
fluids wetting the bed.
2. SACRED SPACE
Use whatever ritual actions and props help you make your play space sacred.
Carefully choose soothing sensuous music. Acknowledge each other spiritually with a
Heart Salutation. Discuss the Partnering Questions -- desires, concerns, boundaries --
before you actually begin.
3. TOUCH
Have your lover begin by slowly touching, caressing, and arousing you. Ask them to
start at the perimeter and circle towards yoni: legs, thighs, face, neck, tummy, breasts.
Take your time and enjoy. Be sure to relax, breathe deeply, and make sounds that
express what you're feeling. A good partner will remind you of these ways to be more
present and enjoy more.
4. OUTER YONI
Ask your lover to touch outer yoni with a gentle loving Tantric touch. (A good
partner would never approach yoni without permission.) Giver, try circling around the
perimeter and gradually coming closer and closer. Squeeze her outer lips between
thumb and forefinger, then gently rubbing the outer lips together.
5. INNER VIEWING
If you have a speculum and you're willing, let your partner view the different
surfaces and glands within yoni. Even if you don't, you can spread your inner lips to
reveal the outward third of yoni. Ask your partner to examine the membranes and
identify any of the different types of glands that surround yoni.
6. INSIDE YONI
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Ask your partner to lick or lubricate a finger and slowly circle it as far as their hand
will turn around yoni's opening in both directions from 12 o'clock (the top side) to 6
o'clock (the bottom side). Do they feel different sensations at any clock position? Does
their finger feel any differences in texture or shape?
7. DEEPER
With gentle Tantric touch, ask your partner to insert a finger another inch and repeat
the circling motions, continuing to feel inside and out. Guide your partner to go deeper
one inch at a time as far as possible discovering different feelings and sensations. Have
them combine in and out with circling strokes while descending. Also, tighten your PC
muscle so your partner can feel the pressure on their finger in different positions. If their
hand or finger gets too tired, encourage them to remove it and shake out the tension
before continuing. Whenever you decide the time is right, feel free to have them switch
to using a toy like the Crystal Wand.
8. TURN-ON
If you want, after learning together you can switch your attention to pleasure and
enjoy yourself to the max. Guide your partner to continue doing strokes that really turn
you on. Use Orgasmic Breathing to intensify and spread sexual energy around your
body. Your partner can help by reminding you if necessary. Though orgasm isn't
necessary, if you want to end with one, enjoy yourself.
9. COOL DOWN
When you're ready to stop, be sure your partner knows to follow your lead. Do you
want gradual slowing or simply holding still? Whatever you prefer, ask your lover not
to abruptly break contact. Instead, have them cup and hold yoni with their palm, while
their other hand is on your heart. Look in each other's eyes and breathe together.
10. CLOSING
Close your Sacred Space by talking about what happened, giving each other a Heart
Salutation and doing whatever works for you to give thanks for the pleasure your body
brings you.
5.6 Sacred Gate Section
"...An erotic zone could always be demonstrated on the anterior wall of the vagina along the
course of the urethra...which seems to be surrounded by erectile tissue." ------ Ernst
Gräfenberg in The Role Of Urethra In Female Orgasm
In Search Of The Mysterious G-Spot
Just like us, we hope you've repeated the previous practices multiple times with great fun,
pleasure, and learning. If you have, you've most likely discovered the Sacred Gate to Supreme
Bliss.
Of course, we're referring to the female G-Spot, the erectile tissue inside yoni under the
lining of the belly-side wall. We call this yoni's "front" surface since it's the inner side closest to a
lover on top or in front.
You know that, when aroused, erectile tissues fill with bl**d by getting "engorged." Did you
know that erectile tissues get even more sensitive when swollen? We bet you did. Besides GSpots,
nipples and clios enjoy this divine gift. Guys carry one great little expandable example of
erectile tissue between their legs.
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Sorry, guys, we mean BIG example.
Conflicting Instructions
Where is the G-Spot? Because it's a slang term, that's a difficult question to answer exactly.
First, there are many conflicting teachings about the size of the G-Spot out there. Some say
it's the size of a pea, some a bean, some say a silver dollar (2.5 cm if you're unfamiliar with U.S.
currency). Actually, the truth is that some are bigger and some are smaller.
Some say it's one to two inches inside yoni, or near the urethral opening. Gräfenberg, whom
the spot is named after, highlighted the area near the bladder at yoni's top end. Others direct
you mid-way between the cervix at yoni's end and the pubic bone. There's some truth in all
these conflicting descriptions as we'll explain below.
Much of the confusion and difficulty stems from that fact that this powerful "orgasmic
trigger" isn't one well-defined organ like a male prostate gland or a female ovary.
Taking Aim At A Moving Target
What we call the Sacred Gate or G "Spot" is in reality the female prostate or urethral sponge.
That's comprised of the 40 or so little paraurethral glands with their accompanying ducts and
bl**d vessels surrounding the urethra. The urethra and its spongy insulation run along the
front wall of yoni.
Some believe the biological purpose of the sponge is to protect the fragile urinary canal from
a hard thrusting vajra when it gets engorged. Makes sense, huh?
Again, here's the good news. The female prostate, AKA urethral sponge, is erectile. So when
you excite it, it swells under the surface of yoni's skin. You feel the hard "bean" under yoni's
lining.
This explains why many lovers have trouble finding the G-Spot and enjoying stimulation.
Because it's under the lining of yoni's front wall, it's not particularly sensitive or even noticeable
without a high level of excitement. Many women report little or no feeling at first. Some even
feel initial discomfort that obviously discourages further play.
As every conscious lover knows, each woman is different. Each woman folk prefers
different strokes at different times. So unless you tune in to her unique formula in the moment,
you may not feel her Sacred Gate at all.
Different Kinds
Further, it's hard to find the G-Spot because there are four different kinds of female
prostates. In 1999, Zaviacic published his scientific findings that illustrated how the distribution
of the paraurethral glands and ducts varies from woman to woman.
In most women, he discovered the greatest density of female prostate glands was located
near the urethral opening. Here are the percentages of women he found with different kinds of
prostates...
% Of Women Location Of Glands & Ducts
70% near meatus urethral opening by yoni's mouth
15% near the bladder at yoni's top end
7% mid-way back between yoni's mouth and cervix
8% had minimal glands and ducts.
What this means is that your partner's most erectile Sacred Gate tissue is likely nearer yoni's
mouth. Even so, the deeper little "tail" of the meatus-type female prostate can be highly
sensitive.
Of course, the Sacred Gate of 30% of women follows a different pattern. There's a real
chance it could deeper inside, or not very excitable without long dedicated arousal.
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So Where Is It Exactly?
With the "G-Spot" better defined, can we now explain exactly where it is? Well, yes and no.
Additionally, different parts of the urethral sponge can be aroused at different times. That
makes it seem that the G-Spot moves from time to time, even within one lovemaking session.
Visualize a clock superimposed over yoni's mouth while a woman is lying on her back. We
know the Sacred Gate appears most often at the 12 o'clock position. But sometimes it's found at
11 or 1 o'clock. Most sex manuals instruct us to curl a finger upward toward yoni's front and
reach around behind the pubic bone to find the area of the urethral sponge that's particularly
excitable. We now know this doesn't contact the bulk of the G-Spot for most women, although it
may make its deep tail feel real good.
If you don't know which bone we're talking about, just slide your hand from your belly
button down toward your jewels. (This works for men as well.) If you press inward, you'll feel
the soft give of your tummy until somewhere around your pubic hair. When you feel the hard
structure near the surface, that's your pubic bone. From within, you can feel the underside of
this floating bone by pressing up towards your belly through yoni's front wall.
The good news is that there's a surefire way to find the Sacred Gate. Usually the tissue
covering the erect part of the sponge becomes rough and wrinkly, like a cat's tongue. This is the
direct result of the urethral sponge getting engorged with bl**d. Search for the corduroy and
you'll increase your chances of zooming in quickly. Couple that with searching under yoni's
lining for the little swollen glands that sometimes feel like a bean and you've got it.
Just remember not to rest on your laurels and keep sensing with your fingertips in case it
moves.
EXERCISE: G-Spot Discussion Questions
Here are some questions to use for reflecting, journalling, or talking...
• How easily can you find your G-Spot?
• What kind of female prostate do you or your partner have?
• What makes your or your partner's G-Spot swell the most?
What's In A Name?
Since it's not really a fixed point, the term "G-Spot" isn't really very accurate. Dr. John D.
Perry, one of the original authors of the 1982 best-selling "The G-Spot" book, still believes it's the
best compromise amongst the available poor choices.
As we've said, many sexologists use G-Area, G-Crest, or urethral sponge as well as
paraurethral or Skene's glands. The term "female prostate," once quite common, is becoming
more accepted again. Many Tantrikas use the ancient term "sacred spot."
As you've seen, we prefer to call the G-Spot the "Sacred Gate." This term reminds us that the
erectile tissue of the urethral sponge/female prostate is a doorway to sensational sexual
pleasure, deep intimacy, amazing ecstasy, emotional connection, and Supreme Bliss.
Why Don't More Women Know Where It Is?
Why haven't more women discovered the pleasure accessible through their Sacred Gate
themselves?
Well, not everyone believes it's there. Many don't know where and how to find it. It's hard
for many to reach even if they had a map and detailed instructions. Each woman's unique
physique may require a different body position. Also, it's smaller in post menopausal women
and therefore harder to locate.
Every woman knows the location of her lips, breasts, and clio without searching. Let's not
forget that how strongly females, as well as males, are conditioned against self-pleasuring. Even
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if a woman overcomes these taboos to search for her own G-Spot, she might miss it without
sufficient turn-on beforehand.
Remember, it's erectile, under yoni's lining, and therefore virtually undetectable without
adequate stimulation. Further, the Sacred Gate gets larger and more easily erect with repeated
stimulation. When you're searching initially, it's more likely to hide than come out to play right
away.
No Luck With An Urgent Problem
As you've read, without proper stimulation, Sacred Gate play is often unremarkable,
uncomfortable, or even painful at first.
Initial pressure on the Sacred Gate often creates what the medical world calls "urgency," the
feeling that you need to pee. For obvious reasons, our name for this sensation is the P-Signal.
We believe women get the P-Signal when their engorged urethral sponge presses on the neck of
their bladder and urethra. Even when empty, this feels identical to the pressure caused by a full
bladder.
The anatomy connection makes this clearer. Remember that clio's tip and most of the PC
muscle are fed by the pudendal nerve. The bladder, uterus, and G-Spot, as well as the inner part
of the PC muscle, are serviced by the pelvic nerve. It makes sense that this deeper nerve
pathway is harder to arouse sexually. But when it is, the sensations are felt deeper in the
bladder and uterus. A woman untrained in the ways of Sacred Gate massage and female
ejaculation most likely interprets these P-Signals incorrectly.
In a later chapter, Ecstatic States, we'll explore different kinds of orgasms from different
kinds of stimulation. At this point we'll just leave you with this message: Sacred Gate Orgasms
create a deeper kind of pleasure than most clio orgasms can ever account for.
Begone That Messy Wet Spot!
Learning to handle the P-Signal is a vital gauntlet all women need to pass through to enjoy
Sacred Gate Orgasm and female ejaculation. Now that we've launched our initial campaign to
relax you about your fluid emanations, let us add a really valuable tip.
No one should have to sl**p in a wet spot after sex. No one should have to hold back during
sex for fear of dousing the bed, rug, or furniture by ejaculating. No one should have to avoid
sex because it's that time of the month. Don't you agree?
Which is why our friend Karen Fowler created Luv Liners and Luv Linens. These are superabsorbent,
waterproof pads designed to keep your lovemaking space clean and dry during sex.
Luv Liners are soft and disposable while Luv Linens are washable and reusable. Now you have
options! And they're really inexpensive.
Karen created these big soft coverings so that people everywhere can have the luxury of
enjoying the wettest sex ever without worrying about the mess. Why sl**p on a towel or get up
to change the sheets after a good nights lovin' if you don't have to?
Luv Linens & Luv Liners
Sure, you can buy little ugly incontinence protectors at the d**g store (or chemist shop in
the UK). We just really prefer the much larger, colorful, and patterned ones Karen has specially
made for gushy lovers like her and us.
Luv Liners and Luv Linens provide protection and peace of mind for love's most slippery
moments. They give you permission to enjoy the wettest sex ever and let your love flow
without hesitation. Luv Linens are the ultimate "christening blanket" allowing you to be
adventurous and enjoy sex wherever you desire.
Let's face it a bunched-up towel doesn't quite do the job does it?
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Using Luv Linens gives you the freedom to take your love life to a whole new level. Imagine
how free you'll feel to relax and let your love flow orgasm after orgasm after orgasm when you
know your bed, sofa, tablecloth, or rug will be clean and dry no matter how much passion you
enjoy.
Now, there's no need to hold back. No sheets to change, no more ruined towels, sheets. or
mattresses. No more wet spots to endure. How awesome is that!
For more information and ordering, please click here...
<http://www.tantraattahoe.com/product.htm>.
PRACTICE: Solo Sacred Gate Discovery
Description
For reassurance, it's a good idea for a woman to empty her bladder before this kind of
play. And while you're preparing, grab a couple of thick towels to lie on for that extra
sense of security, just in case you ejaculate. More about that soon.
As we've said, getting your fingers inside yoni with enough pressure on your G-Spot
may be awkward for extended periods of time. We suggest you try your best this way at
first. But also have available a Crystal Wand, curved dildo, or vibrator able to reach
around behind your pubic bone.
Purpose
To locate your Sacred Gate and begin getting in touch with how different stimulation
feels.
1. PREPARATIONS
Begin by tidying up, heating your room, taking a ritual bath, putting on erotic music,
and creating a Sacred Space with a namasté and leaning back against a backjack or pile
of pillows with legs spread. Do this in front of a mirror if you like. Once aroused, you'll
probably have to get up on your feet or knees to reach your Sacred Gate. Props you may
want to collect are water, lubricant, towels, and Crystal Wand or other sex toy. Use a soft
towel or absorbent pad underneath to eliminate any self-consciousness of fluids wetting
the bed. Be sure your bladder is empty before you begin.
2. TOUCH
Begin by slowly touching, caressing, and arousing yourself from the perimeter and
circle towards yoni. Caress outer yoni and clio with your preferred lubricant to get them
both real hot. Use fantasy if you'd like. Then lick or lubricate a finger and slowly circle
around yoni's opening gradually going deeper inside with an in and out stroke. Take
your time and enjoy because your G-Spot may not come out to play unless you're really
turned on. Be sure to relax, breathe deeply, and make sounds that express what you're
feeling.
3. LOCATE
When you're aroused enough, you'll begin to feel some places on yoni's upper wall
lining become rougher and more wrinkly like corduroy. You might feel the prostate
harden like a bean beneath the surface somewhere between yoni's inside end and
meatus near her mouth. You won't be sure which kind of prostate you have until you
thoroughly massage and excite the whole extent of your urethral sponge. With a few
minutes of continued stroking, your Sacred Gate will swell, get larger, and harden in the
same way that a clio and vajra do.
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4. SQUAT
If you find you can't reach deep enough inside or your muscles start protesting,
continue on your knees or by squatting. Sometimes some experimenting is necessary to
find the most comfortable position for G-Spot access.
5. PRESSURE
Gradually increase the pressure on the rough and hard spots on the upper wall with
in and out strokes about once per second. Curl your finger around the pubic bone when
fully inserted, making a come hither motion as you pull out.
6. DON'T STOP
As your Sacred Gate gets more engorged, you may feel P-Signals, that convince you
that you have to pee. This means you're really getting there. Simply breathe and
continue. If you relax into it, the sensation will pass quickly. Remember, you just
emptied your bladder. If you believe it's full again, go to the toilet to make sure and then
come back and resume.
7. TOY
Whenever you decide the time is right, feel free to switch to a vibrator or dildo. This is
where the Crystal Wand really shines, giving you leverage to apply strong pressure
around behind your pubic bone. Find out what kind of pressure you like.
8. GO FOR IT
Use Orgasmic Breathing to intensify and spread sexual energy around your body.
Though it's not necessary, enjoy one or more powerful Sacred Gate Orgasms if you
want. If you do, instead of stopping abruptly, be sure to cover yoni as you gradually
cool down.
9. CLOSING
Close your Sacred Space by giving yourself a namasté and doing whatever works for
you to give thanks for the pleasure your body brings you.
How To Find It And What To Do When You Do
We love sexual union with vajra inside yoni. But for many women, it's difficult to get good
Sacred Gate stimulation from a pumping vajra. Students of the Kama Sutra know that certain
unique sexual positions work best for different body type combinations as our later chapter
shows.
The anatomy of the Sacred Gate is why. Providing enough pressure on yoni's upper wall
around behind the pubic bone is necessary. This is nearly impossible with the all-too-popular
standard missionary position.
For many women's bodies, it's easier for a partner to locate and awaken their Sacred Gate
with fingers. Trained fingers most often work much better than vajras for G-Spot play.
If sex to you has been limited to the old in-an-out, here is a wonderful opportunity to drop
your old beliefs and start experimenting with what works uniquely for you. Like defining sex as
anything that makes your body feel good.
Which explains the intent of the next, the final practice, in this chapter.
PRACTICE: Partner Sacred Gate Discovery
Description
For a partner to find your Sacred Gate with their fingers requires that you guide them
to the right place with your preferred strokes. Which is why, even if your lover knows
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where and how to look for a your G-Spot, the perennial challenges of sexual
communication can get in the way.
If you approach this kind of play as conscious Tantric Sex however, you'll grow
through these kinds of problems. With the right attitude, guidance, and experience, you
can easily teach a lover to stimulate the best place at each moment. Goddess, remember
to guide your partner lovingly and often.
The following practice offers a great chance to practice. It's instructions closely mirror
the solo practice above.
Don't forget, you, the Goddess, must be quite aroused before your partner can even
find the Sacred Gate.
Purpose
To help your lover locate your Sacred Gate and begin learning how to pleasure it.
1. PREPARATIONS
Begin by tidying up, heating your room, taking a ritual bath, putting on erotic music,
and creating a Sacred Space with a Heart Salutation. Arrange your body so you can lean
back against a backjack or pile of pillows with legs spread. Props you may want to
collect are water, lubricant, towels, and Crystal Wand or other sex toy. Use a soft towel
or absorbent pad underneath to eliminate any self-consciousness of fluids wetting the
bed. Be sure to discuss the Partnering Questions - desires, concerns, boundaries - and
empty your bladder before you actually begin.
2. TOUCH
Begin by asking your lover to slowly touch, caress, and arouse your body from the
perimeter and circle towards yoni. Have your partner massage outer yoni and clio with
your preferred lubricant to get them both real hot. Use fantasy if you'd like. When you're
ready, ask your lover to lick or lubricate a finger and slowly circle around yoni's opening
gradually going deeper inside with an in and out stroke. Guide them to take their time
because your G-Spot may not come out to play unless you're really turned on. Be sure to
relax, breathe deeply, and make sounds that express what you're feeling.
3. LOCATE
When you're aroused enough, guide your lover to explore yoni's front wall lining,
feeling for where it's rougher and more wrinkly like corduroy. They might feel the
prostate harden like a bean beneath the surface somewhere between yoni's inside end
and meatus near her mouth. Guide your partner to thoroughly massage and excite the
area of your urethral sponge that most responded during solo play. With a few minutes
of continued stroking, your Sacred Gate will swell, get larger, and harden much like clio
and vajra do.
4. PRESSURE
Ask your lover to gradually increase the pressure on the rough and hard spots on the
upper wall with in and out strokes about once per second. Have them curl a finger
around the pubic bone when fully inserted, making a come hither motion as they pull
out.
5. DON'T STOP
As your Sacred Gate gets more engorged, you may feel P-Signals, convincing you that
you have to pee. This means you're really getting there. Simply breathe and continue
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and the feeling will pass quickly. Remember, you just emptied your bladder. If you're
convinced it's full again, go to the toilet to make sure and then come back and resume.
6. TOY
If you liked it during solo play, feel free to ask your lover to switch to using a vibrator
or dildo. The Crystal Wand really shines with partner play as well, giving leverage to
apply strong pressure around behind your pubic bone. If you discovered where and
how you really like strong pressure, now is a good time to guide your lover to give it to
you.
7. GO FOR IT
Use Orgasmic Breathing to intensify and spread sexual energy around your body.
Though it's not necessary, feel free to enjoy one or more powerful Sacred Gate Orgasms
if you want.
8. COOL DOWN
When you're ready to stop, be sure your partner knows to follow your lead. Do you
want gradual slowing or simply holding still? Whatever you prefer, ask your lover not
to abruptly break contact. Instead, have them cup and hold yoni with their palm, while
the other hand is on your heart. Look in each other's eyes and breathe together.
9. CLOSING
Close your Sacred Space by talking about what happened, giving each other a Heart
Salutation, and doing whatever works for the two of you to give thanks for the pleasure
you've created together.
5.7 Closing Section
The anatomy of the Goddess is truly wondrous and all the elements are so artistically
intertwined.
You learned about clio, yoni, both inside and outside. You practiced different ways to
explore and talk about what you feel with different kinds of stimulation.
You now know the latest information available about the nature of the G-Spot, the Sacred
Gate to Supreme Bliss, its idiosyncrasies and its delights. Look for much more about pleasuring
the Sacred Gate in the next Sacred Gate Massage Chapter, and later ones on Ecstatic States and
Female Ejaculation.
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Chapter 6: Sacred Gate Massage
"Don’t let another day go by without the magic touch."
----- Neil Young from sl**ps With Angels
6.1 Opening Section
Purposes
The purposes of this chapter are to...
• Understand how to be a Tantric lover.
• Practice the basic strokes of Sacred Gate massage.
• Use Sacred Gate massage for maximum pleasure.
Giving Shakti Pleasure
There are many ways to give ultimate pleasure to Shakti (a woman's) Sacred Gate. You've
probably stumbled upon that perfect moment when your thrusts hit just the right spot.
Maybe you were conscious of what worked and then you tried to reproduce it. Since
Shakti's arousal is changeable, what worked once might not have worked the same way the
next time. All too often we can't recreate the exact circumstances for that fantastic sexual high.
But we can create new ones.
In this chapter, we're going to dispel the mystery about giving a woman pleasure. Here
you're going to learn the art and science of Sacred Gate massage. We're primarily talking about
using your fingers, though we'll include some guidance about using sex toys for giving to a
partner as well as to yourself.
By the end, you'll know all the options. We can't promise you'll never be confused or know
exactly the perfect thing to do in every moment in every situation. Female stimulation is a
moving target. But when you're done, you'll know everything there is to know about how to
give and receive Sacred Gate pleasure, and how to react to unique circumstances.
Practices Ahead
Once you've determined the pleasure formula for a specific Goddess in a specific
lovemaking session, Sacred Gate massage is essentially simple. There are just a lot of options to
choose from getting to that point. So this chapter breaks down G-Spot pleasure into a series of
practices of increasing complication and increasing stimulation.
You'll probably want to rush ahead to the juicier bits and push for a resounding orgasm
sooner rather than later. We understand these innate urges to seek rapid rewards. We think it's
a better idea to read the whole chapter before beginning intensive practice.
Playing spontaneously, full out, with wild abandon is great. We just suggest you do it later,
in later practices, in a few days or weeks. If you've been making love for 1, 10, or 30 years
without these techniques, what's another few weeks to gradually incorporate Sacred Gate play
into your repertoire.
Remember, the Tantric way is to slowly savor each morsel of new delight and draw out the
pleasure as long as you can.
When To Start Sacred Gate Play
If you've read the previous chapters on Tantric LovePlay and Sacred Landscape, you've
learned that the Sacred Gate only comes out to play when sufficiently excited.
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How will you know when she's aroused enough for intense G-Spot stimulation? The more
aroused she is, the more her Sacred Gate becomes engorged with bl**d. It swells like a crest,
protruding down from the concave front wall of inner yoni, making it convex.
Until you're sure, continue with loveplay. Here's a not-so-subtle warm-up reminder:
whisper sweet everythings, kiss softly and deeply, caress everywhere, use Kama Sutra
"embraces," and titillate yoni endlessly. Don't dive right for the Sacred Gate until you've gotten
a clear signal that she's really hot.
One vital cue is yoni engorgement -- pink, wet, and swollen with bl**d. You can easily tell a
yoni with erect tissues because her lips open of their own accord and become very red. For
many women, lengthy clio play is an essential prerequisite. Some prefer touching and kissing
on yoni's lips, opening, and entryway first. For some, emotional closeness, intimacy, and
fantasy is enough to engorge the Sacred Gate.
Learn the pattern of arousal of the woman you aim to pleasure. Whatever her needs, be sure
to dwell amply on awakening physical and energetic arousal before heading for her Sacred
Gate.
6.2 Giver Role Section
The Attitude Of The Tantric Lover
Since it's a highly conscious, sacred experience, Tantric lovers approach sex in a unique way.
Approaching the Sacred Gate for maximum healing and pleasure requires an attitude and
commitment that respects Shakti's divine nature. It demands that a lover is fully available to
meet her needs.
We like to describe this exacting but highly satisfying role with the 6 P's...
• Privilege
• Presence
• Patience
• Partner
• Pilgrim
• Permission.
Take these six guidelines to heart before you begin any yoni play. This applies to women
giving to women as much as men giving to women.
You're Privileged To Be Invited Within
Entering a woman's yoni and reaching for her spirit through her Sacred Gate only works
when the giver recognizes the trust being placed in them. Truly, it's an awesome privilege and
responsibility. Approach with Feeling awe with the such intimacy is the perfect mindset.
We mean you should think of your partner or yourself as a manifestation of all that's good
and wondrous about the female. Revere the grace, power, and life energy of the feminine. If you
act at all times in complete service of your queen, your Shakti, your offerings will be welcomed
with an unending outpouring of love, desire, and appreciation.
If you want to know more about this reverent attitude, consult the Sacred Tantric Sexuality
Chapter.
Your Presence Is Your Greatest Gift
More than anything you might do during Sacred Gate play, being present is your most
important aim.
We don't just mean physically with your hands inside her. We mean mentally here now,
emotionally accessible, and spiritually conscious. Listening fully with all your senses open is
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your foundation and a powerful way to say "I love you." This is what women want more than
anything else. It thoroughly turns them on.
How do you show presence? Well, tuning out, daydreaming, and looking off into the
distance isn't it. Interrupting her process and disappearing in the midst of a breakthrough
certainly disqualifies you.
Rather, tune in so you notice what she's experiencing in every moment. Tell her "I'm here for
you." Respond directly to her every comment and request. And above all, maintain eye contact
when she is available. She will close her eyes at times, but needs to know you aren't checkingout.
Just letting her know you're there with her is almost enough.
Be Patient, All Good Things Comes To Those Who Wait
A big part of being here now is patience. Nowhere to go, nowhere to be, nothing else to do
but what you're doing.
As we've explained, it's essential for both the receiver and the giver to drop any goals of a
supreme experience or cosmic orgasm. The Goddess will likely experience amazing things, but
pushing for them can easily block her ascending to new heights.
Just let whatever is going to happen unfold of its own accord. Let nature take its course
without fighting the current. Face it, it takes as long as it takes, and there's little you can do to
speed it up.
Let sweet and gentle be your watchwords. Follow the Goddess and she'll tell you when to
be strong.
Support Your Partner, You're Both In This Together
Contrary to cultural sexual patterns or beliefs drummed into us about what it means to be a
good lover and how a "good girl "is supposed to act in bed, good sex is a joint effort. Both need
to be active partners. One being passive while the other "does" them isn't it.
Every time you connect, agree where you both want to go together using the three
Partnering Questions (desires, concerns, boundaries). Look after yourself and let your partner
know how it's going so they can support you. Communicate about what's happening in the
moment. Respond to what's going on with your partner. Work together, no correct that, play
together.
Remember, you're the two musketeers. All for one and one for all.
As a giver, you want to reassure and comfort your partner. Be a full-time helper during
Sacred Gate experiences. When she's open to it, offer her guidance. When she thinks she knows
what she wants, let her be in control. If she's struggling, assure her that she doesn't have to do it
all by herself and that you're there for her.
When she's having a powerful experience, feel it yourself and enjoy it. When pleasure is
your goal, not orgasm, you can only get it right and never get it wrong.
Above all, encourage her to fully receive and absorb all you're giving. In the spirit of true
partnership, you know you'll get yours eventually.
Just A Pilgrim Searching For The Promised Land
Who can always accurately predict a Shakti's reactions? Not even she, most of the time.
It's best if a giver of Sacred Gate massage acts like an explorer, discovering uncharted
territory. Be a pilgrim searching for hidden secrets with little in the way of maps. Stay in awe of
the wonders you stumble upon.
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You won't really know what she wants in this exact moment until it turns her on. Stay alert
to her breathing, sounds, and movements. When she moves towards you and presses on your
finger, she wants more. When she withdraws and pulls away, she wants less.
Be prepared for anything to happen. Your hands might be rocked violently by a bucking
bronco in the throws of orgasm. You might run headlong into a hysterical outburst. You might
get sprayed with female nectar. Or it may seem from the outside that nothing is happening.
You just have to accept that you don't know it all and can't predict the future. Ego is one of
the primary enemies of sacred sexuality. What worked yesterday may fall flat today. What
hasn't worked for months may suddenly become the key that unlocks huge recesses of
Kundalini energy. What she thought was just OK previously is all she wants you to do from
now on.
Always stay tuned for late breaking news and you'll do fine.
Ask Permission Before Entering The Promised Land
If the G-Spot is the gate to the sacred joys of untold pleasure, the yoni is assuredly the
sacred garden. You don't enter such a temple without permission. A Tantric lover always
shows how deeply they embrace the earlier five P's by asking before moving forward and
inward.
You can be straightforward, "I'm going to put a finger inside you now, OK?" Or you can be
Tantric and romantic, "May I enter your sacred garden, oh, sweet beloved, of my dreams?" Be
serious or make it lighthearted, but don't forget. Above all else, asking before penetrating is the
height of respect.
Whether or not you buy the flowery talk of the Goddess's divine presence within a woman's
yoni, this is one guideline every man needs to take to heart. Maybe this is one of the reasons
some women prefer the touch of other women. They instinctively know what they're risking
when they open themselves this way.
Even if you've been in relationship a long time, ask before penetrating. It puts the Goddess
in power when she most needs the security of knowing it's her call to say yes or no at any time.
If she wants to play out a fantasy sometime where you take her without asking, we think
that's fine. Just recognize, she gave you permission at the beginning of your encounter. That's
different than blanket permission where she gives her power away. We advise against that. If
you want a Tantric partnership, encourage her to make her own decisions in every moment.
Maybe it goes without saying, but we'll say it anyway. When she asks you to depart,
graciously and gently withdraw. You're inside yoni by invitation only. Respect the privilege
and you're likely to be invited again soon for more divine play.
EXERCISE: 5 Tantric P's Discussion Questions
Here are some statements to complete by reflecting, journalling, or talking with your
partner about...
• Describe the Tantric attitude and what you will do to make it part of your
lovemaking...
• Review the 5 Tantric P's. Describe what each means to you...
• Privilege...
• Presence...
• Patience...
• Partner...
• Pilgrim...
• Permission...
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• Evaluate yourself on each of the 6 P's.
• Describe what difficulties you've had with each...
• Describe what you plan to do about each...
6.3 Receiver Prerequisites Section
At Disneyland, you need an "E" ticket for the best rides. To ride the wave of bliss when
receiving G-Spot massage, you need six "E" tickets. The six basic receiver prerequisites to
delightful Sacred Gate play are...
• Relaxation
• Communication
• Arousal
• Empty Bladder
• Lube
• Drop Expectations.
Learn To Relax
Shakti, if you're too tense, your Sacred Gate may not be fully open to receiving visitors.
Tension can prevent you from getting sufficiently aroused to enjoy the intense stimulation of
Sacred Gate play.
If you want to become more relaxed, look back at the Kundalini Energy, Tantric LovePlay,
and Sacred Landscape Chapters. Build your sexual muscles so they have the tone to easily relax.
Spend more time practicing with Orgasmic Breathing. Do more solo exploration of your yoni
inside and out. Learn to enjoy sexual pleasure through self-pleasuring as a sacred ritual.
If relaxation in sexual situations doesn't come easily to you, you might want to look into this
first. Ask yourself where does this sexual stress that blocks excitement come from?
It could be a lack of intimacy and trust with your partner. It could be that you're putting
pressure on yourself to perform. Perhaps you're conflicted about sex in general as a result of
conscious or u*********s social judgments and moral taboos. It could be that past abuse and
wounds are creating too much anxiety for you to relax. We address these issues extensively in
the Yoni Healing Chapter.
In the meantime, we can only suggest you go slowly, breathe, and take heed of how the
other receiver prerequisites can help you relax.
Lots Of Open Two-Way Communication
The more you talk about sex in general and Sacred Gate play in specific, the more pleasure
you'll have sooner. Especially while you're learning, communicate about your desires, concerns,
and boundaries before you begin each session.
Ask for what you want in each moment, or as much as you know in each moment. Give
feedback supportively. Ask anytime you're unsure. If something is on your mind, let it go by
talking about it. Otherwise the inner distraction may prevent you from relaxing into pleasure
when you most want to.
When you're beginning Sacred Gate play, don't worry that speaking up may interrupt the
mood. That sensitivity is more appropriate later as you get grooved in. Instead, use the c***dlike
spirit of "Playing Doctor" to approach these practices in a fresh, innocent, new way. Drop any
shyness, inhibitions, judgments you've carried about sex. Remember, it's a divine gift from
God/Goddess.
As a receiver, be as responsive to loveplay as you can and use non-verbal communication to
show it. The more you practice the four cornerstones of Supreme Bliss -- breath, sound,
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movement, and presence -- the more you'll partner will know what's going on with you without
words. You can always use the Feedback Sandwich from the Tantric LovePlay Chapter when
you want something adjusted.
Be sure to compliment anything and everything that your partner does during you sexual
antics. Since your lover will want to give you more of what you like, don't be careful about
asking, be out there and go for it. At first, you probably won't recognize all your feelings and
reactions in the moment. So it helps, after each session, to openly talk about what was best,
what you'd like to be different, and things to play with next time.
Get Highly Aroused First
As you've heard many times already, many lovers -- both givers and receivers -- have been
bewildered about Sacred Gate stimulation. Certainly, that's because it's not a fixed spot, it
moves, and because it often hides until awakened. Even more, we think many try to push this
exciting orgasmic trigger before getting highly aroused.
We wonder how many women have found their G-Spot but didn't like the sensations it
produced because they weren't turned on enough.
Shakti, embed one clear thought in your mind as you approach Sacred Gate play, especially
with a new lover: yoni must be thoroughly and deliciously engorged first. The front wall of the
inner yoni won't engorge without sufficient loveplay. Until this happens, any kind of touch,
especially hard and fast strokes, will probably be uncomfortable, even painful, before your
Sacred Gate is fully open.
If you read the previous section about permission, you'll understand why we're telling you
this. You are responsible for your own pleasure. Even if you're flat on your back with your legs
up, you're in the driver's seat. If you want the zenith of sexual pleasure, you have to steer.
You've learned what your body likes, right? You know how to communicate about your
preferences, right? If so, tell your partner. If not, we suggest you go back to the Communication
Section of our Tantric LovePlay Chapter.
Empty Your Bladder First
Empty your bladder before G-Spot play. A full bladder makes it more difficult to relax. Not
only is this sensation distracting, but there's that worry about letting go at the wrong time and
making a mess.
Hopefully, you've read about the P-Signal, the feeling that you need to pee that occurs with
Sacred Gate engorgement. If you don't know about this and are worried that your bladder isn't
empty, you might keep your PC muscle clamped down tight. All by itself, this might stop your
pleasure, your orgasm, and your delightful ejaculation.
Shakti, if you're confident that your bladder is empty and you understand that the P-Signal
is normal, it will be easier for you to relax and let things go. Resting on a couple of soft towels
and an absorbent pad can help free your mind of calamities, too. Which is why we've
introduced you to Luv Liners and Luv Linens. For more information, click here...
<http://www.tantraattahoe.com/product.htm>.
Use Lots Of Lubrication
We must face one of the inalienable truths of Sacred Gate play: dry scratching is not any fun.
Which explains our next entry reminder: get wet and stay wet.
Just like guys who tie up much of their self-image in their erections and stamina, some
women connect their desirability with how much their yoni lubricates during arousal. Wouldn't
it be great to always live in the fantasy of romance novels that seeing just the right bulge,
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hearing just the right words, or being caressed just the right way will make your yoni flow
copiously?
When we're young and horny or separated from our beloved for too long, it's often the case.
But let's face reality. Age, health, physical condition, diet, and medication -- not to mention
menopause -- all affect a woman's natural sexual lubrication. Fantasy is great when you really
experience it. But we don't always.
So? Our response, as always, is the Tantric one -- no big deal. Our only interest is pleasure.
Not giving a performance of any kind. Not living up to any mental image. Not competing with
anyone.
Simply make sure you introduce lots of lubricant. Saliva is a great "wetifier." That's one of
the reasons why, in our Tantric LovePlay Chapter, we encourage oral romping for the longest
time before Sacred Gate play.
If oral play isn't your cup of tea or saliva doesn't last long enough, never fear. There are
many commercial varieties of personal lubricants available. Remember only to use water-based
lubricants inside yoni. Some examples are Probe, Wet Light, Astroglide, Liquid Silk, and KY
Jelly or KY Liquid, but there are lots more. We don't recommend you introduce oil or petroleum
based products into the delicate natural balance of the yoni's flora.
You can find them at sex shops all over the world. Try small samples to see what you prefer.
Your local d**g store probably stocks several kinds. Or if that's too embarrassing for you, try
one of the adult sex product websites in the resources section of our website at...
<http://www.tantraattahoe.com/resources.htm>.
Who's in charge of making sure you're wet enough? You both are! But as a receiver, you'll
probably know that you need more first. Ask for more, or keep a bottle near you and douse
yourself.
Drop Expectations
Sacred Gate play is a doorway to an exalted universe of pleasure, ecstasy, and altered
consciousness. Those aren't measurable, programmable qualities. If you enter any kind of
loveplay with orgasm, ejaculation, or spiritual enlightenment as a goal, you can well block the
flow of energy that will propel you higher.
Supreme Bliss happens in the moment. Expectations take you out of it, into the future.
The most common goal lovers set is orgasm. This can put performance pressure on you as
well as the giver. If you're worried about whether or not you will orgasm, you can produce
performance anxiety. Trying to reproduce the excitement of a previous encounter can distract
you also, whether giver or receiver. All get in the way of enjoyment.
Instead, learn to enjoy pleasure right now. Learn to bask in your vibrations and those of
your partner. Appreciate the pleasure coursing through you now. Accept that it may stop at any
moment and that you'll be complete, whatever happens. Make what you're feeling in this
moment enough. Since arousal is often a moving target, tune in to "que sera sera," whatever will
be, will be. Flow spontaneously, responding to cues, signals, and intuitions.
What's the ultimate prescription for opening the Sacred Gate to supreme pleasure? Forget
the past and the future. Focus on what's happening now.
EXERCISE: Receiver Prerequisites Discussion Questions
• Consider or discuss the six receiver prerequisites...
• Relaxation...
• Communication...
• Arousal...
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• Empty Bladder...
• Lubricants...
• Drop Expectations...
• What does each mean?
• What are your feelings, thoughts, & reactions to each?
• Do you have a problem with any that might interfere with your Sacred Gate play?
• Is there an alternative both of you can agree on?
6.4 Sacred Gate Massage Positions Section
While there are limited ways to reach your own G-Spot, there are several positions we'll
share with your here that Shakti can assume during partner play. Comfort is essential for both
giver and receiver. Tension in the giver's body telegraphs quickly and can close down the
Goddess's energy channels. This can also happen in Shakti's own body while self-pleasuring.
The Tantric approach, as we've made clear, is not simply to get off, but to enjoy every
delicacy of sensation thoroughly. That requires the learning curve of discovering what works
best for your bodies. We recommend you experiment with the following positions before you
get into serious Sacred Gate play. Then you'll know which to use, how to adjust them, and
which to eliminate.
Once you get going on the partner G-Spot massage, we urge you to speak up immediately if
you find a leg going to sl**p, a back spasming, or a finger cramping. Even if you're on the verge
of something great happening, welcome your partner taking responsibility for their comfort.
There are six basic positions we've used for easy access to the Sacred Gate. The first two can
work well for self-pleasuring.
On Back With Legs Spread
The most likely way for you to reach your own Sacred Gate is on your back with your legs
spread. Try leaning against a bed's headboard, an upside down backjack, or other comfortable
prop. Though you probably can't maintain it for long, the best access often comes with your legs
in the air or your knees pressed up against your chest.
Take a lesson here from the Kama Sutra. One of the reasons you see so many pillows in
Kama Sutra artwork is to provide support needed for lengthy play. Prop up your back, neck,
and head if needed. Put throw pillows under your knees.
One benefit of leaning against an upside-down backjack or throw pillows is you can arrange
your Sacred Space in front of a mirror for self-pleasuring. If watching erotic scenes has any
affect on you, watching yourself pleasure your special places can be a real boost.
This woman-on-back position also allows easy yoni access and viewing for a giver sitting
between her legs. If you move up as close as possible, you don't have to lean over or stretch
your arms too far in front of your body. This is great for eye contact, also.
To make this position work for both giver and receiver, you'll need to deal with your
intersecting legs. The giver can put both under, both over, or one over and one under the
woman's. As givers, we always lean against an upright backjack and prop pillows under knees
for continuing comfort and minimum physical stress. You may be in this position for a while.
Sitting Underneath One Of Her Legs
Wrist strain is a common physical problem when we're giving G-Spot massage to a receiver
on her back. While sitting between her legs and facing yoni directly, our palm-up hand often
gets cocked unnaturally towards the thumb. Sometimes we turn our body at an angle to
compensate. But this complicates the conflux of legs.
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To adjust even more, you can move outside the woman's legs. Have her leg rest over your
lap. By sitting underneath one her legs, you can adjust your hand's angle of yoni entry to be
perfectly straight ahead. Again, move as close as possible to reduce long-term strain.
You see why we suggest you practice before you really get into it?
Lying By Her Side
Another variation of the woman on her back position places the giver lying or sitting by her
side. As before, the receiver is free to use pillows and props for maximum comfort. The giver
reaches a hand over her hips and belly to yoni. To avoid arm and hand strain that can be a
problem in this position, rest the heel of the hand on her pubic bone. For many women, this
pressure is arousing and may even stimulate yoni from the outside.
A great advantage of this arrangement is the closeness and intimacy it creates. It allows for
kissing, eye gazing, and much easier communication without interrupting the flow of Sacred
Gate stimulation.
Sitting By The Bed
This variant of lying by her side is more comfortable for some. The woman lies comfortably
on the edge of the bed with whatever cushions are comfortable for her. She can lay flat or lean
back against the headboard.
The giver sits in a small chair, preferably without arms, next to the bed. If the giver's arms
are long enough to comfortably reach the receiver's yoni for long periods of time, this position
gives maximum comfort for both giver and receiver.
Woman Upright On Knees
The woman upright on her knees works for self-pleasuring as well as with a partner. When
self-pleasuring this way, she can lean forward and bend over to reach inside. She has complete
freedom to sway, gyrate, and dance as the spirit -- and fingers -- move her.
This stance works well for a giver seated in front of her, with pillows or backjack for
support. Because it allows such easy palm-up access, it's probably the best for Sacred Gate
discovery practices.
Of course, the downside is the fatigue that may develop by balancing upright for too long.
Woman Squatting
If the receiver can comfortably squat long enough on her feet with knees bent, she provides
the most open access to inner yoni. Again, the giver sits in front of her, leaning against a couch
or backjack if desired. Alternately, the woman can sit on the side of the giver's lap by resting
one of her butt cheeks on one of the giver's legs. This lap variation also allows easy access to her
open yoni.
Woman Hands & Knees
Doggie-style lovemaking has a certain appeal to many lovers, maybe because that's how
a****ls do it. Whatever the motivation, some prefer the woman on her hands and knees with
the giver seated behind. Of course, in this position the Sacred Gate is on the bottom of the yoni
so the giver's hand needs to be palm-down.
Spreading her weight on four limbs instead of two tends to be easier for a long-term
pleasuring session. And this position allows the woman to move more freely than when prone.
Variations on this theme place the receiver on a pile of pillows under her torso for the same
kind of rear entry. Then she doesn't need to support herself on her hands and knees. Some
Goddesses are comfortable completely flat on lying on their front, but this makes most giver's
palm-down reach more awkward.
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PRACTICE: Experimenting With Sacred Gate Massage Positions
Purpose
Instead of thinking about what would work best and debating at length, we
recommend you try all the possible positions for a while and listen to your body's
comfort or strain.
1. READ
Together read over the previous section about finding the most comfortable position
for Sacred Gate massage.
2. PROPS
Collect up pillows, cushions, towels, Luv Liners, and any available props like
backjacks so you'll be ready for nearly anything.
3. FIRST POSITION
Help the receiver arrange herself most comfortably in the "On Back With Legs
Spread" position. Then help the giver get into a comfortable supported place with one
hand resting near the receiver's yoni palm-up and the other resting palm-down lightly
on her belly.
4. TALK ABOUT IT
Now, spend a few minutes (5 or 10 minimum) talking about how it feels. If you want,
continue discussing what you're learning about Sacred Gate massage, sexual pleasure,
and Tantric energy.
5. ADJUST
If you develop some strain, adjust your body and limbs to find a more comfortable
variation.
6. OTHER POSITIONS
When you've demonstrated how well the first position works for both of you, try the
others one at a time. Be patient. It took Somraj and Jeffre weeks to figure out what was
most comfortable and most effective.
7. FEEDBACK
When you've tried them all, talk about what worked best for both of you for vision,
access, and comfort for both long and short sessions.
6.5 The Four Basic Strokes Section
The four basic strokes of Sacred Gate massage are...
• In-&-Out
• Holding
• Circling
• Come-Hither.
They all mean exactly what they say. If you don't know the term, Come-Hither means
crooking one or more fingers back towards your palm as if you were beckoning someone to
come towards you.
When we refer to the giver's fingers, we use these terms...
• First Finger, the index finger or forefinger closest to the thumb.
• Second Finger, the middle finger.
• Third Finger, the ring finger.
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• Fourth Finger, the little finger or pinkie.
All of these strokes can be done with one or more fingers. Because most women like yoni to
be penetrated gradually, it's often good to enter first with a smaller finger, say for example,
your third or fourth finger. When she's opened up and you want to go deeper, you can switch
to your first or second finger.
Two fingers at a time is popular with many experienced women. Some prefer three, four, or
even a whole fist. When you use two fingers, try both the first-second and second-third
combinations to see what your partner prefers and what is most comfortable for the giver. With
the proper position and fortunate combination of anatomy, sometimes a thumb works well too.
After practicing each stroke later in this section with one and two fingers, you'll learn to
vary these basic strokes by adjusting pressure and speed. Then we'll show you how to interrupt
your rhythm by tapping, vibrating, milking, and withdrawing to create different patterns with
the arousing element of surprise.
Here is a description of the four basic strokes. As you're reading, practice with one and two
fingers on your other hand, simulating the entrance to a yoni. Hold the other hand palm-down
and make a circle by touching the tips of your thumb and first finger together.
By going through these motions while reading about the strokes, you'll create neuronal
pathways in your body so they'll stay with you and become more instinctual.
In-&-Out
The in-&-out stroke is where you'll start Sacred Gate massage. In-&-out is simply inserting
one or more straight fingers into a wet or well-lubricated yoni. It probably needs little
introduction, most resembling the familiar and sought-after repeated motion of vajra's
penetration of yoni.
Remember, giver, always warm up your partner, ask permission, and lubricate your finger
before any kind of insertion. At first, tease the inner lips, possibly rotating around the clock,
with just one soft fingertip. Experiment with your first, second, and third fingers.
Once yoni is completely wet and sucking your finger inside from your lengthy and
elaborate introductory loveplay, slowly insert one finger joint and withdraw it gently. Without
a thought of rushing towards any destination, go deeper at a snail's pace to two joints for the
longest time, then three as deep as you can reach.
Try slowly rotating your finger left and right as far as your arm's flexibility allows. With
your palm up, feel all along yoni's front wall with your finger. Can you feel the Sacred Gate
cresting? Run your finger along its middle, sides, and gutters. Can you feel the corduroy? Focus
your strokes where it's most rough.
After a long slow sojourn of one-finger in-&-out, you can insert a second one, replaying the
same deepening progression. Try spreading two fingers apart so they slide along each side or
gutter of the arched crest of the Sacred Gate.
If Shakti can accommodate more and desires it, continue on with three and then four
fingers, and even your entire fist. Fisting a hot juicy yoni is an experience you'll never forget.
While you were reading, did you try in-&-out gently on your other hand? Later on, we'll
experiment with stronger pressures, faster speeds, and different cycles for some astonishing
effects.
Holding
Holding means simply keeping your hand and fingers still while contacting the G-Spot
area. You can hold inside the yoni with one finger, two, or more if space allows.
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Holding can be done by pressing your fingertips or with the finger pads where your
fingerprints are. Or you can press with the entire length of your fingers. Also, you can hold by
curving your fingers behind the pubic bone, just like the come-hither stroke except you remain
still against the front wall of yoni.
Because it's the gentlest maneuver, holding is a wonderful way to help a woman relax and
open to the intense flow of orgasmic Kundalini energy. This is vital early in a Sacred Gate
massage experience. If your partner is tense, nervous, or uncertain, be sure to hold for 10 to 30
seconds each time you enter deeper with initial in-&-out strokes. Wait for signs of relaxation or
arousal before moving on.
A very comforting variation of the holding stroke is to cup yoni with your hand. This works
best when the giver is in the lying-by-her-side position, resting the palm on clio and the mons.
Occasionally give a gentle squeeze to reassure your partner you're with her.
Holding with stronger pressure or vibration can be extremely exciting as you'll read shortly.
Holding is essential when the energy becomes almost too extreme to tolerate, for example just
after an orgasm.
Did you try the holding stroke on your other hand? If not, play with it now for a moment
before continuing.
Circling
Stop your in-&-out motion and move your entire finger from side to side in a crescentshaped
motion over a sensitive area like a windshield wiper motion. If you pull out slightly at
one side and push in at the other, you'll be circling.
Try both clockwise and counter-clockwise to see if one direction feels better. You can circle
with more than one finger for continuous contact on more sensitive tissues. Of course, the fuller
yoni gets, the harder this becomes. Another variation is to make circles with just your fingertips
or pads. Once the Sacred Gate is engorged, this is a great technique to increase stimulation.
Adding pressure and speed to circling can create some wonderful sensations. As with all
these strokes, try them out on your own hand first.
Come Hither
Many women really like fingertip pressure on their swollen prostate, especially around
behind the public bone. That's why so many lovers pronounce the come-hither stroke the best.
In actuality, it's a modified in-&-out stroke. Since it needs to go deep, for most givers comehither
is easiest with the longest finger, the second.
To begin the come-hither stroke, use your second finger to slowly penetrate your partner as
far as you can go with your palm facing towards the top of yoni. At the top of the "in," curl your
finger around behind the pubic bone. Keep your finger curled during the "out" so it drags
across the deepest part of the Sacred Gate erogenous zone. That's one come-hither.
As with the other strokes, you can add fingers to the come-hither. Just imagine what a wide
spectrum of awesome sensations you can create by increasing pressure, speed, and surprise
starts and stops.
How did that feel practicing on your other hand? Does it make sense why we described it
earlier as crooking one or more fingers back towards your palm as if you were beckoning
someone to come towards you?
EXERCISE: Strokes Discussion Questions
Journal or share the answers to the following questions with one another...
• What are the four basic strokes?
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• Do you have any questions, doubts or anxieties before actually beginning the practice
of Sacred Gate Massage?
• How are you feeling right now?
• Are you ready to go for it?
6.6 Practicing The Four Basic Strokes Section
Self Sacred Gate Massage
We're going to recommend the easiest way to play with the four basic strokes with your
fingers.
We suggest you start with self-pleasuring since these techniques are by their very nature a
bit demanding. When you're working with a partner, you have lots of other things to
concentrate on at the same time. Not to mention relationship dynamics of pressure,
expectations, differing agendas, and the like. Once you master your G-Spot solo, we'll provide
ample opportunity to bring a partner in and teach them what you've learned about yourself.
If easily reaching inside is a challenge for you, you have several options...
1) Practice for short periods of time and when you begin to feel muscle tension, take a
break and stretch.
2) Practice using sex toys. More about this shortly.
3) Practice with an amenable female friend.
Oh my, we must sound really off the deep end here.
Alternatives With Friends
A great way to learn about the Sacred Gate is by exploring another's. It's imperative that the
receiver opens her senses and reaches out with her consciousness, staying in touch what her
partner is doing while learning about her own body. But a giver learns much as well. If a
woman has enjoyed intimate sexual play with another woman or is willing to experiment (all in
the interests of scientific discovery, of course), doing the practices in this chapter with another
woman will be a great learning.
No, we're not encouraging you to become bi-sexual or a lesbian. We just know that
familiarity with the territory is essential to fully opening your sexual channels. We don't judge
people for their pleasure-seeking desires and their conscious choices. We don't hang labels on
people who experiment for good reason, or just on a lark for that matter.
So if you have a close girlfriend who's open minded you could consider buying her a copy
of this ebook for her birthday, or your birthday, or a full moon or whatever, and ask her for
help. You might be surprised at your friend's willingness to play doctor with you.
5 Tantric S's
Have you noticed that we've been reminding you about including the appropriate
bits of Tantric ritual whenever you enter practice sessions? We hope so. And we hope
you've been heeding these reminders. Tantric Sex is more than physical technique. It's
about intimate communion and spiritual connection.
But we don't want to nag and make practice instructions longer than they need to be.
So here's our proposal. In one place below we've included all the preparations we've
suggested to create a Sacred Space and make yourselves ready. Fortunately, each step
starts with an "S" so we call them the 5 Tantric S's.
Print this page out for handy reference. This will help you remember to do them any
time you enter into Tantric LovePlay of any kind. From here on out, we'll simply start all
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our instructions with the 5 Tantric S's that are...Supplies, Showering, Setting, Settling, &
Stretching.
1. SUPPLIES
Before you begin, be sure to collect...
• pillows,
• props,
• water-based lubricant,
• massage oil,
• sex toys,
• condoms & other latex barriers,
• tissues,
• handiwipes,
• towels or absorbent pads under Shakti,
• drinking water,
• finger-food snacks,
• music & remote control, and
• anything else you think you might need.
A Crystal Wand is a valuable addition that allows the giver to reach deeper
within yoni and apply the right pressure to the Sacred Gate. Luv Liners and
Luv Linens which keep your sheets clean and dry provide the kind of peace of
mind that aids in relaxation. For information and easy access to these and other
valuable supplies, click here...
<http://www.tantraattahoe.com/product.htm>.
Keep a copy of these directions nearby to refresh your memory if needed.
2. SHOWERING
• Take a long languorous bath or shower to relax you, freshen your skin, and
cleanse your body and energy.
• Clean and trim your nails. If your hands (giver) are rough, plan to wear latex
gloves for any kind of penetration.
• Empty your bladders and bowels.
• Beautify yourselves, dress seductively, and adorn yourselves with loose
sensuous clothing and jewelry, even if you're alone.
3. SETTING
• Schedule ample time without a tight schedule.
• Insure privacy and quiet, free from possible distractions and interruptions.
Turn off the phones, and lock the door.
• Make sure the room is well heated.
• Beautify your room by decorating with art, wall-hangings, sarongs, flowers,
incense, soft lighting, candles, power objects, altar, etc.
• Put on some soft, sensuous, or erotic music as you prefer.
• Arrange your bodies to be comfortable, visible, and open to loveplay. Shakti
should resist on one or more towels or pads, especially if she's concerned about
ejaculating.
• Create a Sacred Space as you practiced earlier.
4. STRETCHING
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• Do a little stretching or any yoga postures you know that create flexibility and
promote the flow of energy.
• A nice way to connect intimately with a partner at this point is to stretch out in
a spooning position with the receiver on the inside. Then breathe together
several times into each of the chakras.
5. SETTLING
• Use whatever spiritual practice best calms and centers you for a few moments.
• Sit quietly, meditate, gaze into each other's or your own eyes in the mirror,
share affirmations of love and affection, recall times and places of pure joy, or
anything else that makes you feel good.
• Ritually undress each other, whispering endearments and compliments as each
part of the body is revealed.
PRACTICE: Solo Sacred Gate Strokes
Description
Instead of approaching self-exploration in a clinical detached way, we recommend
you enter into the ritual space of honoring yourself, your body, and your spirit in a
sensual way. You're about to discover divine secrets hidden for too long.
You've already searched for your G-Spot area. If not, do the Solo Sacred Gate
Discovery Practice first from Section 5.6 or incorporate it into the following steps. If you
can't make any position work this way, skip to the sex toys practice that follows.
You do realize that your only aim here is to feel pleasure, right? Orgasm isn't the goal.
Total healing in one session is not the point. Expecting mind-blowing fireworks every
time is not your purpose. Remember, if you feel any physical strain, emotional tension,
or strong resistance, only go as far as is comfortable, take a break, and relax.
Purpose
To experiment with the four basic Sacred Gate massage strokes to discover what you
prefer.
1. PREPARE WITH 5 TANTRIC S's
Supplies, Showering, Setting, Stretching, & Settling.
Arrange yourself in front of a mirror for this solo practice if you can.
2. STIMULATING
Caress your own or your partner's whole body, long and sensuously, with oil if she
wants. Begin without focusing on the most erogenous zones. As Shakti heats up,
concentrate more on her breasts and other powerful external trigger spots. Don't forget
to ask permission before touching yoni and clio. Be sure to use your communication
skills to stay in touch and flow together. Continue stimulation until Shakti is highly
aroused and wet.
3. IN & OUT & HOLD
Using one finger, begin the in-&-out stroke slowly and gently, gradually going
deeper. Each time you penetrate a little further, stop and hold until you're ready to
continue. If you pay careful attention, you'll know to move on when you sense you've
relaxed, become more present and sensitive, or feel more strongly. As your Sacred Gate
swells, explore its center, sides, gutters, and tail. Experiment with two or more fingers to
see what you prefer.
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4. CIRCLING
After you've reached as deeply inside your yoni as you can with in-&-out strokes and
holding, begin circling. Try windshield wipers first, then circles near the opening, then
more and more deeply. Experiment with small and larger circles until you can tell
what's best for you.
5. COME-HITHER
Now practice the come-hither stroke. Try different finger bends, depths, and angles.
Try shallow, deep, short, and long strokes. Use one, two, or more fingers. See what you
prefer.
6. ENJOY
If you're getting turned on and still comfortable, continue and enjoy yourself without
agenda. We urge you not to press harder and speed up yet. Simply appreciate the long
slow sensual excitement you're creating. But if you want to go for it after enough subtle
stimulation, wonderful. Celebrate any new highs, peaks, and orgasms you give yourself.
7. CLOSING
When you decide to end your session, slowly relax and slow your movements down.
We really like the energy connection of one hand on yoni, one hand on your heart at this
point. Simply feel your body, mind, emotions, and spirit. Reflect what was best, what
you discovered, what you want more of, what less of. Close your Sacred Space with a
bow, hug, or silent or even verbal acknowledgment to yourself.
Afterthoughts
You may want to repeat this practice again or many times. One of the beautiful
advantages of Tantric practice is how repeated pleasure heals and reveals new
sensations. If you find you can only feel pleasure so far in your first self-ritual, honor
where you're at. Come back repeatedly to self-pleasuring and you may well discover
your inhibitions and negative energies dissipating all by themselves.
Adding Sex Toys To Your Repertoire
Using sex toys is an option that helps many women learn more easily about their Sacred
Gate. Yes, dildos and the like. Again, we're not trying to make your sex life totally kinky, but if
it heads that way, enjoy! It's just that using a simulated vajra, a specially curved wand, or a
vibrator may accelerate the awakening of this most powerful orgasmic trigger.
If you don't own an appropriate sex toy, you might be worrying about how to acquire one
with minimal embarrassment. Here are some ideas...
• Maybe you have a friend who's sexually open who could advise you what to buy and
where.
• If you're really close with a sexually free friend, she might loan you some of her toys.
The good ones are non-absorbent so a good washing makes them safe for sharing.
Some you can even boil, although we don't recommend that. We still recommend
using a condom when sharing for extra protection against STDs and the peace of
mind that comes from being careful.
• You could visit one of the new breed of women-friendly adult stores. There you can
talk openly to experienced women about your unique and private wants. Our favorite
is Good Vibrations in Northern California but we've heard of similar ones that cater
to female needs in other major cities.
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• Use the internet. Good Vibrations has a great website as do other well-stocked cyber
stores. The good ones will have email addresses you can use and phone numbers you
can call anonymously for advice.
Using Sex Toys to Find and Play with Your Sacred Gate
When you choose a dildo, you'll want one that's long enough to reach your G-Spot area.
Some are designed with a bend to reach behind your pubic bone. Some are flexible and you can
bend them into just the right come-hither angle. Some come with vibrators as well.
Today you can find sex toys in all colors and materials. Be sure they're washable and you
give them a good scrubbing with soap before and after each use. The soft ones that simulate
skin feel more natural. Just be sure you don't get one with an absorbent surface. If you do, you'll
need to use a fresh condom for each use so bacteria don't seep deep into the material.
You probably don't want a Steve Young version. Jeffre named her thickest dildo after her
favorite San Francisco 49er quarterback. You can hardly get your hand around him. Whoops,
we mean "it." The point we're trying to make is that you many not be able to angle and aim a
dildo that's too thick to reach all the nooks and crannies you want to massage inside.
Maybe the best appliance for Sacred Gate massage is the Crystal Wand. This is a strong
transparent 10-inch piece of Lucite plastic in a shallow S-shape with the ends bent open. The
Crystal Wand has been specifically designed to easily reach and stimulate your own or
another's G-Spot. If you don't have your own yet, click here for
details...<http://www.tantraattahoe.com/product.htm>.
Vibrator Lore
There are some things to consider about vibrators. They come in all shapes, sizes, and
strengths. That begins with erect vajras, wands, and eggs. You can choose from a wide variety
of small battery-powered ones to those with a small wire to a battery pack. We prefer the kind
that has a handle or flared bottom so you're in no danger of losing them inside.
By the way, we don't recommend the big industrial-strength appliances with cords that plug
into the wall. They produce more stimulation than you need. Those that are too strong for your
particular appetite may just give too much intense sensation or numb you out just when you
want to feel more. Best if you can find variable speed battery-operated ones to adjust to your
personal level of sensitivity and changing desire as you get more turned on.
The choice of shape and design are totally dependent on personal preference. You may
prefer a little one on clio like Jeffre does sometimes. You may want some vibration around your
urethral opening, or definitely not. Pulsing on your G-Spot may be super hot for you, or do
nothing.
While vibrators for internal or external sexual stimulation can help you connect with the
power of your Sacred Gate, our primary concern is that you don't get dependent on mechanical
stimulation. Sure, it's great sometimes to relax and let electrical energy do the work. But the
ultimate pleasures result from you learning comfortably and easily to create the kind of celestial
pleasure that only comes from inner Kundalini energy.
PRACTICE: Sex Toy Strokes Self-Pleasuring
Purpose
To repeat the Solo Sacred Gate Strokes Practice using and experimenting with sex
toys.
Description
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If you had trouble experimenting with the four basic strokes with your fingers, we
strongly urge you to try them with a sex toy. Even if you succeeded manually, why not
go for it? Get yourself a couple of sex toys to play with, and see what new things you
can discover.
Remember, your purpose here is whatever pleasure you can experience in the
moment. If you feel any physical strain, emotional tension, or strong resistance, only go
as far as is comfortable, take a break, and relax.
1. PREPARE WITH 5 TANTRIC S's
Supplies, Showering, Setting, Stretching, & Settling.
Arrange yourself in front of a mirror for this practice if you can.
A Crystal Wand is a valuable addition that allows the giver to reach deeper within
yoni and apply pressure to the Sacred Gate.
2. STIMULATING
Caress your own or your partner's whole body, long and sensuously, with oil if she
wants. Begin without focusing on the most erogenous zones. As Shakti heats up,
concentrate more on her breasts and other powerful external trigger spots. Don't forget
to ask permission before touching yoni and clio. Be sure to use your communication
skills to stay in touch and flow together. Continue stimulation until Shakti is highly
aroused and wet.
3. IN & OUT & HOLD
Using your chosen sex toy without vibration, begin using the in-&-out stroke slowly
and gently, gradually going deeper. Every time you penetrate a little further, simply
stop and hold, resting your hand on the new tissue with just a little pressure before you
begin moving again. It's like a gentle introduction so there's no shock, no surprise, no
assault. If you pay careful attention, you'll know to move on when you sense you've
relaxed, become more present and sensitive, or feel more strongly. Don't hesitate to add
more lubricant any time you feel any dryness or pulling. If you have several dildos and
a Crystal Wand, experiment with them, varying speed and depth, to see what you
prefer.
4. CIRCLING
After you've reached as deeply inside your yoni as you can with in-&-out strokes and
holding, begin circling. Try both clockwise and counter-clockwise, first near the
opening, then more and more deeply. Experiment with small, larger circles, and the
windshield wiper stroke until you can tell what's best for you.
5. COME-HITHER
If your equipment allows, now practice with the come-hither stroke. This is where the
Crystal Wand's curved shape excels because it gives you leverage to reach around
behind your pubic bone and drag all the way out. Try different entries, depths, and
angles. Try shallow, deep, short, and long strokes. If you have a bendable dildo,
experiment with various bends. See what you prefer.
6. ENJOY
If you're getting turned on and still comfortable, continue and enjoy yourself without
agenda. We urge you not to press harder, speed up, or include vibration just yet. Simply
appreciate the long slow sensual excitement you're creating. But if you want to go for it
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after enough subtle stimulation, wonderful. Celebrate any new highs, peaks, and
orgasms you give yourself.
7. CLOSING
When you decide to end your session, slowly relax and slow your movements down.
We really like the energy connection of one hand on yoni, one hand on your heart at this
point. Simply feel your body, mind, emotions, and spirit. Reflect what was best, what
you discovered, what you want more of, what less of. Close with a bow, hug, or silent or
even verbal acknowledgment to yourself.
Afterthoughts
We'll repeat what we pointed out before because it's so vital. You may want to repeat
this practice several times. One of the beautiful advantages of Tantric practice is how
repeated pleasure heals. If you find you can only feel pleasure so far in your first selfritual,
honor where you're at. Come back repeatedly to self-pleasuring and you'll may
well discover your inhibitions and negative energies are dissipating all by themselves.
Partner Sacred Gate Massage
Now is the time for a partner to practice the four basic Sacred Gate massage strokes. If the
receiver relaxes and opens her senses as much as possible, great learning will probably occur for
both of you. To help you achieve this we offer some reminders for both of you...
Giver Reminders
Givers, do whatever you can to make your partner feel safe. Build intimacy and trust
through a laid-back supportive attitude, going slowly, and maintaining lots of eye contact.
Givers, be aware that women will know how good something feels but they probably won't
know what strokes you're doing inside their yoni. Explain what you're about to do and what
you're doing in each moment. Then you'll help your Shakti learn about her own turn-ons. If
you're not sure how something feels, ask yes or no questions. Adjust based on her guidance.
Tantra is all about raising consciousness. Here's your chance to assist that personal process.
Pay special attention to the cleanliness of your hands at all times. Trim your fingernails
short and make sure they're smooth. If your hands are rough and callused, use absorbent hand
cream or even latex gloves. Be sure to get the ones without talcum powder so that yoni stays
free of irritants. You can also get latex finger cots, like the fingers of a glove, to cover sores or
calluses.
Especially with latex, remember to use copious amounts of natural or bottle-born lubricant.
And you won't forget to ask permission before inserting anything in yoni, right? Alerting
her when you intend to change strokes is a part of this.
Reminders For the Woman Receiving
Stay alert, open your senses, and communicate. Let your partner know what you're feeling,
good, bad, or indifferent, and what you want. If you're not sure, experiment. You can't get it
wrong.
You'll see lots of references to deciding what you like best. But it's fine if you like
everything. As you practice more and more, you'll become more aware of what's happening
inside, what feels which way, and what occurs to you would feel good in the moment.
If you're not sure about something, say so and, if you're willing, agree to experiment. Use
the Feedback Sandwich ("I like what's happening now, let's try this, ooooh that's great!") if you
want something changed. Be sure to use much more positive feedback and expressions of turnon
than corrections. You don't want your giver to get discouraged, right?
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Reminders For Both
We urge you to both read the preamble and step-by-step directions before you start any
practice in this ebook. It's a great idea to go over the steps together too.
Remember, there's no other goal than pleasure. Your purpose here is to create good feelings
as you experience the moment. If either of you experience any physical strain, adjust your
position until you're comfortable. Cramped muscles for either giver or receiver can block the
energy flow you're trying to create.
If the receiver runs into any emotional tension or strong resistance, only go as far as you can
without having to push. Instead, take a break, and relax. Discomfort may signal the need for
more repeated Yoni Healing practices. Or it just may be that you, the receiver, prefers baby
steps while awakening new territory.
PRACTICE: Partner Sacred Gate Strokes
Purpose
To share what you learned about using basic Sacred Gate massage strokes with your
partner so they can learn to give you want you like.
Description
If two women do this practice together, you'll have the chance to learn as both giver
and receiver.
After your first practice, take a short break, talk about what you experienced, and
start afresh. Don't expect the same things to happen after you switch roles.
1. PREPARE WITH 5 TANTRIC S's
Supplies, Showering, Setting, Stretching, & Settling.
Open your Sacred Space with a Heart Salutation.
For us long-term Tantric lovers, discussing the Partnering Questions are always a
given before beginning any practice, whether you've done it before or not. Always
discuss desires, concerns, and boundaries in the moment before beginning.
Continue stimulation until she's wet and highly aroused. Remember, without
sufficient turn-on, her Sacred Gate may remain quiet and submerged. If it's not
engorged enough, the giver may not be able to feel it.
2. STIMULATING
Caress your own or your partner's whole body, long and sensuously, with oil if she
wants. Begin without focusing on the most erogenous zones. As Shakti heats up,
concentrate more on her breasts and other powerful external trigger spots. Don't forget
to ask permission before touching yoni and clio. Be sure to use your communication
skills to stay in touch and flow together. Continue stimulation until Shakti is highly
aroused and wet.
3. BEGIN IN-&-OUT & HOLDING
After asking permission to enter yoni, dear giver, use one finger to begin the in-&-out
stroke slowly and gently, gradually going deeper. Each time you penetrate a little
further, stop and hold until she's ready for you to continue. This is a great method of
energetically connecting with the often untouched recesses of her Goddess cave. Check
in verbally as often as needed to stay in sync. If you pay careful attention, even without
words you'll know when to move on by sensing her relaxation, heightened sensitivity,
or increased arousal. After asking, experiment with two or more fingers to see what she
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likes the best. And remember to add more of her chosen lubricant when there's any hint
of friction or dryness or if she requests it.
4. CIRCLING
After you've reached as deeply inside yoni as you can with in-&-out strokes and
holding, begin circling. Try both clockwise and counter-clockwise, first near the
opening, then more and more deeply. Experiment with small, larger circles, and the
windshield wiper stroke until you can tell what she prefers, if anything. Verbalize to her
what you are doing. She'll want to know.
5. COME-HITHER
Now practice with the come-hither stroke. Try different finger bends, depths, and
angles. Try shallow, deep, short, and long strokes. Use one, two, or more fingers. Ask
her to tell you which area or stroke is most intense. Again, always let her know what
you are doing.
6. ENJOY
If she's getting turned on and is still comfortable, continue pleasuring her without
agenda. Gauge giving more or less stimulation based on her moving towards or away
from you. We urge you not to press harder and speed up yet. Simply appreciate the long
slow sensual excitement you're creating. But if you want to go for it after enough subtle
stimulation, wonderful. Celebrate any new highs, peaks, and orgasms you create
together.
7. COOL DOWN
When she decides to end your session, slow your movements down gradually.
Connect her inner flute with one hand on yoni, one hand on her heart. Just let her feel
her body, mind, emotions, and spirit.
8. CLOSING
Talk about what was best, what was discovered, what she wants more of, what less.
Close your Sacred Space, and then end with a Heart Salutation, bow, hug, kiss, or verbal
acknowledgment.
6.7 Variations On The Theme Section
Make Love Like An Artist, Not An Accountant
The four strokes -- in-&-out, holding, circling, and come-hither -- are the basis for everything
we know that yonis like. Except of course for vajra stroking which we'll get to later. With the
nearly endless variations on these basic themes, it can seem a bit overwhelming to lovers new to
the joys of Sacred Gate play.
Think of it this way. You're a painter who wants to capture the feminine form on canvas.
The variables you can employ for your creation are style, lighting, size, proportion, and color,
just to name a few. But you know the basic tools of your craft, the primary colors, the way light
plays on the hip and breast, the artistic modes to choose from. With so many potential
combinations in your mind, you can never decide analytically. So you choose to go with the
flow and let the creative process sweep you along intuitively.
In much the same way, now both giver and receiver are going to focus on the different
variations you can use with the basic strokes:
1. pressure,
2. speed,
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3. pattern.
Although she may have specific requests, let the Goddess's turn-on be your guide. That's
partly why it's so vital for the receiver to employ the four cornerstones of Supreme Bliss --
breath, sound, movement, and presence. Then the receiver has ample cues to gauge the
response to what's being done in each moment.
Increasing Pressure & Speed Description
Remember from the Sacred Landscape Chapter that yoni's deeper insides respond more to
pressure than friction? That's why now we'll start with increasing pressure with the four basic
strokes. Slowly try a little more pressure with each stroke. Let the receiver guide how much
pressure she enjoys at each level of arousal.
What's painful when she's just warming up can often feel quite light when she's raring to go
for it.
Many women find extremely strong pressure highly pleasurable when they're super turnedon.
Just think of how much f***e a big man with a strongly thrusting vajra exerts. Some women
have been known to get off on that kind of thing, haven't they?
Next, we'll play with increasing the speed of your basic strokes. As with pressure, ramp up
gradually. Though there's a place for sudden shocks and surprises during lovemaking, which
we'll get to soon, you need to get to a consensual place together first. So speed up slowly,
gauging your partner's reaction.
The fantasy of romantic novels suggests that good sex is losing control and being swept
away. When first coupling, when long separated, when really needing a blow out -- sure, there
are times to go fast. But exploding all your sexual energy at once works against the Tantric
avenue to higher states of ecstasy. Generating, conserving, recycling, exchanging energy, that's
the prescription for long life-altering sacred lovemaking.
Teasing, Tantalizing, Or Going For It
Instead of always pushing to give our partner maximum excitement in every moment, we
use lots of variety to expand and extend our energy. We rise to peak after higher peak, stopping
with each rise to deeply feel the vibrations coursing through our bodies.
It's not so much teasing as it is savoring. Like sipping a fine wine versus gulping Gatorade
after an intense workout. When we want to go for it, our primary groundrule for lovemaking is
to find something that's highly arousing and don't change a thing -- not stroke, not pressure, not
speed. So an essential Tantric lover skill is to keep doing what you're doing when you get
strong positive feedback.
As a giver, you want to please. So it's only natural that you want to go faster and harder
when you see and hear how great what you're doing is making her feel. But then you've
changed what was working. We think too many women have trouble orgasming because their
well meaning partners push for it just when they find the trigger. Instead of coming, their
partner numbs out. By going too fast and hard for what a woman wants at that moment, she
may get numb, sore, or turned-off.
So givers, your basic guideline during the coming practices is: notice what your partner is
loving and keep doing it the same way until she asks for a change. You can always ask her if
she wants a change.
PRACTICE: Increasing Pressure & Speed
Purpose
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Here's your opportunity to play with increasing the pressure and speed of the four
basic strokes.
Description
This practice assumes you will do these steps with a partner. If you don't have one
handy or prefer experimenting solo, by all means try this out yourself first.
We'll also expect that you know to add more of your chosen lubricant when there's
any hint of friction or dryness without further reminders from us. If at any time while
you're increasing speed and pressure, she experiences burning, painful, or numb areas,
make a mental note and back off.
Our aim here is pleasure from Sacred Gate massage. But this may mean you need one
or more sessions of sexual healing as described in the Yoni Healing Chapter before you
can complete this practice with complete satisfaction.
1. PREPARE WITH 5 TANTRIC S's
Supplies, Showering, Setting, Stretching, & Settling.
Open your Sacred Space with a Heart Salutation.
Discuss the Partnering Questions -- desires, concerns, boundaries -- in the moment
before beginning.
Continue stimulation until she's wet and highly aroused.
2. STIMULATING
Caress your own or your partner's whole body, long and sensuously, with oil if she
wants. Begin without focusing on the most erogenous zones. As Shakti heats up,
concentrate more on her breasts and other powerful external trigger spots. Don't forget
to ask permission before touching yoni and clio. Be sure to use your communication
skills to stay in touch and flow together. Continue stimulation until Shakti is highly
aroused and wet.
3. USE ALL 4 BASIC STROKES
Begin as you did in the previous practice with the four basic strokes. After asking
permission to enter yoni, use the one finger in-&-out stroke slowly and gently, gradually
going deeper. Each time you penetrate a little further, stop and hold until she's ready for
you to continue. Warn her as you transition to circling her Sacred Gate first and then
using come-hither at the same slow speed and gentle pressure.
4. INCREASE PRESSURE
When you feel her Sacred Gate swell more, cycle through the four basic strokes again
but this time with a little more upward pressure. Explain before you change strokes each
time, and be sure to check in verbally as often as needed so you stay in sync. You can
experiment with two or more fingers to see what she likes best with harder pressure.
5. INCREASE SPEED
Return to a gentler pressure with one finger and cycle through the four basic strokes
again but this time a little faster. Explain before you change strokes each time, and be
sure to check in verbally as often as needed so you stay in sync. You can experiment
with two or more fingers to see what she likes best with a faster cadence.
6. INCREASE BOTH PRESSURE & SPEED
Now that you've played with all the basics, use your creativity to experiment using
increased pressure and speed with the basic strokes. With warning, try different
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combinations using one, two, or more fingers. Watch carefully to see what she likes and
what she doesn't. Keep your communication channel open and flowing completely.
Though a lot of talking may distract from her pleasure, remember that you're still
exploring. Soon you'll have the tools to be synchronized and go for maximum turn-on.
7. COOL DOWN
When she decides to end your session, slow your movements down gradually.
Connect her inner flute with one hand on yoni, one hand on her heart. Just let her feel
her body, mind, emotions, and spirit.
8. FEEDBACK
Discuss how the practice went for both of you. What did you both learn? What
worked best? What did you learn to look out for? Did you find any sensitive areas that
need healing before she can be thoroughly open? What does she really really want more
of? What suggestions does the Goddess have for the giver?
9. CLOSING
Close your Sacred Space, and then end with a Heart Salutation, bow, hug, kiss, or
verbal acknowledgment.
Additional Variables
Besides adjusting pressure and speed, there are many more ways to vary the basic G-Spot
massage strokes. Variables in Sacred Gate massage include different ways to start, change, and
end the pattern of stroking you're using. We call them stopping, vibrating, tapping, milking,
and withdrawing.
Stopping
Stopping simply means to cease whatever motion you're doing and hold. It's s not pulling
out, it's simply halting your motions and holding steady in one place.
For example, you're sliding in-&-out with a fair pace and pressure when she suddenly starts
shaking all over. Don't be alarmed, she's just having an energy orgasm. If you stop once she's
absorbed in her peak, she'll simply focus on her inner sensations. You don't want to distract her
from running the energy all over her body so she can learn to full-body orgasm.
Stopping is helpful if you sense you've sped up too quickly, see her grimacing from strong
pressure, or feel her numbing out from too much, too fast. It helps her ground, absorb, and
spread the energy that she's created, increasing her capacity to feel pleasure.
Vibrating
Vibrating is moving your hand or fingers a very short distance extremely fast while staying
connected with one wall of yoni. It's an exciting stimulus for any erogenous zone because it
simulates the quivering in the nervous system that occurs during and after orgasm.
You can vibrate up and down by putting and interrupting pressure on the G-Spot. You can
vibrate side to side over the rough tissue. You can vibrate just one finger slightly, or move your
whole hand and arm to vibrate the entire yoni. And you can use two or more fingers to spread
the shaking sensation more widely. There are lots of variations of speed and pressure you can
use for vibrating. Try them all and see what lights her fuse at different times.
After some intense excitement, stopping, holding, and gently vibrating the Sacred Gate is a
great change of pace.
Tapping
Awakening The Sacred Gate June 2003
Copyright © 2003 Tantra At Tahoe 124
Tapping means lifting up off the Sacred Gate and rapidly coming back down on the tissue
again with some f***e. Tapping is most often done with fingertips but can also be done with the
flat of the fingers. Though there's a whole spectrum of speeds and pressures for tapping, doing
it intensely is remarkable.
Milking
You can "milk" engorged tissue with rhythmic deep pressure. Hold your fingers in a comehither
position curled around the Sacred Gate behind the pubic bone. Squeeze upwards tightly
as if you're trying to make a fist with your fingers. Then release and relax. This is even more
intense when your palm is curled up over her clio and mons. As with other strokes, vary speed
and pressure for different sensations.
Withdrawing
The final version of interrupting your strokes is withdrawing your fingers suddenly. The
contrast of intense stroking followed by emptiness is very exciting for some women. Don't
completely disconnect when you withdraw. Keeping one hand covering yoni is a comforting
way to stay plugged in energetically.
Pulling out at the onset of orgasm often precipitates female ejaculation. We believe this is
because withdrawal relieves the pressure from the channel where the fluid erupts, while at the
same time simulating the push-out of the vaginal muscles that accompany gushing.
PRACTICE: Practice Varying Your Strokes
Purpose
To give you a chance to experiment with all the possible variations of the four basic
Sacred Gate massage strokes.
Description
Do we have to keep reminding you to ask permission, alert her to changes, and check
in if you're not sure how you're doing? We hope not. We'll trust you on this one from
now on. Since she's reading these directions along with you before you start, what
you're planning to do won't be a surprise.
But to add in the element of surprise, explain to her that there's two actions that work
much better without warning: stopping and withdrawing. If it's OK with her before you
start to throw these in unexpectedly, you've got all the permission you need.
1. PREPARE WITH 5 TANTRIC S's
Supplies, Showering, Setting, Stretching, & Settling.
Open your Sacred Space with a Heart Salutation.
Discuss the Partnering Questions -- desires, concerns, boundaries.
Continue stimulation until sh