His arrival was memorable in itself but that was the night I went to my
first high school dance. Mom tried to console me she would never
understand. I buried my head in my pillow so I didn't notice the flash
of light or hear the opening of the closet door. The music was on to
mask my tears so I didn't hear him approach.
I only knew someone was in my room when I felt something bump against my
bed. A man was standing there when I looked up. He had curly brown
hair and looked to be about thirty years old with the thick frame of
someone that worked out a lot. I don't know why I didn't scream but I
think it had something to do with his eyes. They were ordinary brown
eyes, hidden by thick glasses, but when I looked into them I just knew
he meant me no harm.
I don't know why I felt this way. Perhaps it was his face that looked
as scared as I felt. I asked the obvious question.
"Who are you? Why are you in my bedroom?"
The man seemed to relax when I spoke and he said, "I'm here to help."
I didn't understand. How could this strange man help? What could he
know? I sat up and pulled my covers close.
He said, "I know about the dance. I know about Tim."
My face began to redden. "Wha-- How? No way. I haven't told anyone
"I know you James. Better than you know yourself."
"I know people don't believe in fairy tales any more but that doesn't
mean the stories are complete lies. Think of me as your ... mystic
godfather. I'm here to help." He laughed at his joke.
"Is that like a fairy godmother? Or a guardian angel?"
The man said, "Something like that. It's ok that you like Tim."
"B-B-but he's my best friend. And he likes Betsy." The image of the
them kissing on the dance floor flashed in my mind and I could feel the
"Tim's not gay but then neither are you. Not really."
The words confused me and I returned a blank stare.
"I know you are going through a rough time and I'm here to help." He
passed me a bottle. "Drink this. It will help."
I shook my head.
"Come on James. I don't have a lot of time here. Drink it. I know you
were thinking about killing yourself earlier. Could this be any worse?"
The bottle had no label and full of a purplish liquid.
"What will it do?"
"Does it matter? I promise it will help."
I hesitated for a few moments before breaking the seal and drinking it
The man smiled then walked to the closet and opened the door.
"What will it do?"
"I don't have time to explain right now but I will be back."
"Wait! I don't even know your name."
The man smiled. "Sam. You can call me Sam."
He closed the closet door and I tried to follow but was blinded by a
flash of light. When my vision cleared, the closet was empty.
Things didn't get better as Sam promised. I tried to act normal as Tim
and Betsy became inseparable and our friendship suffered. I even tried
to go on a few dates with Betsy's friends but that was more torturous
than spending Saturday night alone in my room. Saturday's freed up and
instead of parties, I threw myself into my studies as going out seemed
pointless. It was a Saturday about a month later when Sam came back. I
was sitting at my desk figuring out an algebra equation when I saw the
flash that announced his arrival.
He seemed happy to see me but neither of us were anxious to talk and the
awkward silence filled the room as he stared for what seemed like a
"Are things better?"
I had been waiting for most of the past month to talk to him, "No. You
"I'm sorry. I thought my potion would help."
"Are you at least happier than the last time we met?"
"But you crushed in the mile at the league championship today. That had
to feel good."
"Third isn't winning."
"Third?" Sam had a confused look on his face. "That's interesting. I
thought you won."
I shook my head, "Some mystic godfather you are."
Sam didn't say anything for a few seconds as he seemed unsure of
himself. Silence filled the room.
My mind flashed back to the race. I'd won all the head to head meets in
the mile during the season and expected to win the league championship
again since I'd won it as a freshman the year before. Letters from
colleges had piled up all last summer and dad said he was expecting
great things from me as I hadn't even hit the growth spurt my doctors
had predicted. Part of me worried when I grew it would negate the
advantage my long legs and 5'4" frame gave to me. My slight build (110
lbs) accrued lots of grief from my classmates over the years though I
had become accustomed to the nickname of 'Mouse' years before. Dad said
he was a late bloomer too and the other part of me couldn't wait.
Finishing third in the league meet was a sign that something was
Sam said, "I'm sorry the last one didn't work. I'm sure this potion
will make you feel better."
I don't know why I didn't make a connection between Sam and my slower
time at the league meet. I drank the second potion without a thought
and then Sam disappeared.
I think I did feel better for a while. Something was different that was
for sure. I thought about telling my parents but I knew they wouldn't
It was about a week later that I think I noticed anything though at the
time I didn't know it. My jersey had irritated my skin and I felt all
achy. I remember being mad at everyone and one of my better tantrums
led one of my teachers to push for a 3 day suspension. The school
administrators wrote it off as frustration as I had just missed
qualifying for the regional track meet. It was a bitter pill after
making the state meet the year before.
Mom and Dad weren't as understanding when they heard and they sent me to
see my shrink.
Did I mention I have a shrink?
I should explain. My shrink used the euphemism 'blue periods' though
I'm sure that's not the clinical name. I was pretty sure my shrink was
a hack because all she did was talk to me for a few sessions, give me a
few pills, and then we didn't see each other for a few months.
I know my parents really couldn't afford to pay for the sessions and it
always made me feel bad that they felt they couldn't control me. I'd
had the problem long before Sam arrived and I think it had something to
do with my feelings but I don't really know. All I knew was I watched
helpless as I said and did things I couldn't help. The pills took away
the panic but not my shame and I never told a soul about it. Not even
Of course Sam knew. He was my mystic godfather after all. When he
didn't appear after another month I began to wonder if he was ever going
to come back.
School ended and I've never been so glad to see a year end. I made a
few halfhearted attempts at finding a job but eventually convinced Dad
to let me concentrate on working out instead. Football tryouts were in
August and I had a lot of work to do to have a shot at varsity. Coach
always claimed that summer workouts were voluntary but it wasn't a
coincidence that anyone that made the team also worked out all summer.
My first workout was an embarrassment of epic proportions. I'd lost 40
lbs on my bench press and 75 lbs on my squats since I had stopped
lifting weights when track season started. That didn't bother me as it
had always come back fast in the past but the thing I couldn't explain
was my endurance workout. Tim beat me by almost a hundred yards in the
10 minute run and though I tried to blow it off everyone on the team
teased me about it. Getting beat by Tim wasn't as bad as it may sound
as he was a good runner too. It's how we become friends in the first
place. He'd even run anchor leg on the league champ 4x400 relay team.
The thing was I had always been faster than him and now I wasn't. I
blamed my shrink's meds. The coaches told my dad they thought it might
be the prelude to the growth spurt he said was coming.
I didn't think about other possibilities.
Doc Hack (not my shrink's real name) changed my prescription after our
next session but it didn't help. At our next time trial two weeks
later, five guys were ahead of me when the coach blew the whistle to
signal the end of the ten minutes.
I think that was the first time I really knew that something was wrong
and the tears streamed down my face as I sat near where I finished on
the infield of the track. I heard my teammates laughing as they went
back to the locker room but I didn't care. Only Tim stopped to asked if
anything was the matter but I told him to go away. I didn't want to
talk to anyone.
It wasn't like I didn't notice changes before but for the most part I
hadn't minded. The soreness in my chest that had started as an
irritation hadn't gone away but football workouts had made my whole body
scream in pain.
Other things happened that I couldn't explain. For instance the hair on
my legs and arms had lightened but I liked that as I'd always hated
hairy legs. I'd even gotten a few compliments.
The change in my reaction to the locker room was something else. I'd
always hated going into locker room because the sweat combined with dirt
and a lack of ventilation to create a stench that was overpowering. I
admit my locker was among the worst but recently I swear my sweat had
taken a smell sweet that I liked. The other boys smelled different too.
It had a musty smell and I didn't mind it as much.
My attraction to some of the guys on the team was getting worse and I
struggled to control my thoughts and my stares especially as we showered
after practice. Thankfully I never showed any excitement down there but
that was part of the problem too. My morning friend was essentially
non-existent and it took all my concentration to get any response at
As the second month passed with no sign of Sam's return, I thought about
talking to my parents about my problems. The thing was I couldn't tell
them about Sam because they already thought I was crazy. Mentioning a
man was visiting me from my closet would have been the last straw.
I was about 12 years old when I realized that I was different from my
It all started when my s****r hit puberty. She was a tomboy but it
changed when she got to high school. She laughed when I asked her to
spend time with me as her interests now ranged from dresses and shopping
to parties and boys. In hindsight it was inevitable our bond would
break as she was three years older but until then we were best friends.
Seeing her wearing all this new stuff was a shock and one afternoon when
she and my parents weren't home I had to try it. I can still remember
the feeling of the silk on my skin. It felt good.
She left for college and when no one else was around I made her bedroom
my playground and her dressing table my artistic escape. I think she
suspected something early on but never said a word. It was fortunate
she and I were close to the same size and while I felt shame every time
I wore her things it wasn't like I had any other choice. There was no
way I was going to wear Mom's clothes.
Another two weeks passed and my name had slid to the bottom of all the
coaches charts. I needed help if I wanted to make the team so I told my
parents about my struggles. My Mom took me to the doctor the next day.
The doctor called our house a few days later and I knew that couldn't be
good. We scheduled another appointment the next morning because
'something in my bl**dwork didn't seem right'. Mom and Dad wouldn't
tell me the details.
I got concerned when the doctor started his exam by squeezing and
pulling on various parts body that had never interested him before.
They did a stress test to check my heart. After that it was off for a
series of X-Rays, a full body MRI, and even a CAT scan. I was starting
to get worried I was going to die but I should have noticed a pattern in
the doctor's questions.
"Have you been taking any supplements other than the anti-depressants
you listed on your chart?"
"Have you noticed any changes in your testicles lately?"
"Are you sure?"
I thought about it. "Umm... no."
"Are they smaller?"
"I don't know. I've never measured them."
I remember the annoyed look on his face to my sarcasm. Then he asked
the questions that made it all come together and made me think of Sam.
"What about your breasts?"
"Umm... I don't have breasts."
The doctor put an x-ray on the wall.
"This says different. Are you sure you haven't been taking any
supplements that might explain this?"
I looked at the screen and saw a mass about the size of a quarter behind
The doctor placed my hand on my breast. "Do you feel that?"
I got a queasy feeling in my stomach as I felt the lump. I had tried to
ignore them since I'd noticed them a few weeks earlier.
"We call those breasts buds and they are typically found in pre-
I remember the news gave me a slight thrill along with a shudder that
crawled up my spine.
"What does that mean?"
"I need to speak with your parents. Are you are sure you haven't taken
anything? A testosterone blocker or estrogen supplements?"
Was it possible? No way! I couldn't tell the doctor the truth. He'd
never believe it. I wasn't sure I until that moment if Sam's visit
wasn't anything more than a vivid dream. "I think I drank something at
a party a few months ago but I usually stick to sports drinks and
protein powder you can buy in any store. Is it possible they could have
The doctor shook his head. "No. You'd need constant shots at various
intervals supervised by a physician to get the results I'm seeing."
"What does it mean?"
"It means we need to talk to your parents and make some decisions before
this goes any further."
I didn't even flinch when the doctor explained my gynecomastia to my
parents. My Dad held my Mom in his arms as tears streamed down her
face. The doctor said that my estrogen and testosterone levels were
ideal for a 15 year old girl. He couldn't explain how it happened but
that if left untreated I could soon expect changes to my body that would
mimic any other teenage girl, in fact it had already started.
My Dad seemed mad and yelled at the doctor when he heard the news, "How
can this be happening?"
The doctor shrugged, "I don't know."
My Mom grabbed me by the shoulders, "Are you taking anything?"
"I swear I'm not." I thought about Sam and said. "I mean I drank
something strange at a party a few months ago but that's it."
They looked at the doctor who shook his head. "One drink won't do
Tears streamed down Mom's face as the doctor explained he'd referred me
to a specialist who'd run more tests and probably give me a series of
testosterone boosters. There was talk that I might need breast
reduction surgery once they got my hormones under control.
The car was deathly silent as we drove home and I knew there was only
one thing that explained this no matter how unlikely my doctor said it
was. If my guess was correct, he'd be visiting soon.
For the next week, when I wasn't at the doctor's office or going through
the motions at football workouts I spent my time in my room in hopes
that the one person that I thought could give me answers would re-
It was another Saturday night when my patience was rewarded as the tell-
tale flash appeared in my closet and I ran to the door. I almost didn't
He nodded. "I normally go by Samantha but most of my friends call me
Sam was wearing a dress that went past his knees and the makeup he wore
had a classy feel. A pair of designer frames had replaced the thick
glasses and his dark brown hair was now auburn with blonde highlights.
The hair fell from his face so that it barely touched his shoulders and
framed everything in a way that I thought looked really cute.
I said, "I don't understand."
"I know and I'm sorry. I'm sorry I haven't been around and I'm sorry
for what I'm putting you through."
"Can you explain?"
Sam nodded, "I need to be quick. I don't have a lot of time."
One question popped to mind, "What is going on? Am I a girl or a boy?"
Sam smiled, "A little of both it seems."
The lack of answer made me mad. "I don't understand."
He laughed, "I apologize for my sad attempt at humor at your expense. I
know this isn't easy for you."
Sam took a deep breath and continued, "I too have had difficulty
understanding my sexuality. When I got into UCLA I had quite a few
flings with both sexes but nothing seemed right. Only my passion for
crossdressing seemed to suffice though it was hard to find many friends
comfortable with it."
Sam did seem to understand my issue as he had guessed my secret. "What
did you do?"
"I threw myself into my studies. My grades got me into Cal Tech and an
advanced degree in Physics. That led to bigger and better things that
are better left for later."
"But why are you wearing this outfit? The last time we met I think you
were wearing jeans and a t-shirt." That wasn't the only change I
"I guess you could say I'm in the middle of transitioning."
The shock of seeing Sam like this had made me forget my anger but it
returned and I fired off a series of questions I'd been waiting to ask
"Hey wait a minute! The first time we met you said you were my mystic
godfather. Now you are saying you a just a scientist who is
transitioning to live their life as a girl? Should I call you my fairy
godmother now? And how are you getting into my closet? And what did
you give me? Do you know what it did?"
Sam gave a sympathetic smile. "I know everything has been tough but I
don't have time to explain it all. I'm sure you can figure it out if
you think hard enough. I know you have a very good brain inside that
head, James Samuel Cook."
Hearing my middle name made me think of Mom when she was mad.
Sam read my mind, "Did I just sound like Mom?"
My head started to spin. Was this? It couldn't be. That's not
I said, "Those were d**gs you gave me not a magic potion. Experimental
Sam nodded. "I know they confused the hell out of your doctor. I
apologize for my part in the deception but I do know deep down it is
something you wanted."
"But why? Why did you do this to me?"
"Come on James. Use your brain. Do I really have to give another hint?
Think about all the possibilities and eliminate the things that can't be
true. The remaining idea has to be the right answer."
"But nothing makes sense. Unless...."
"Well somehow you are appearing out of thin air but that's impossible."
"But you know it isn't. So assume it is and figure the possibilities."
"Where are you coming from?"
"Closer but still not the right question."
The knot in the pit of my stomach tightened as I said the truth I
struggled to believe.
"When? Are you from the future?"
Sam smiled, "Bingo!"
"How did you know my thoughts? I never told anyone."
Sam didn't respond.
It was impossible Sam was from the future but it was either that or he
really was magic. And if he was from the future then only one thing
"Are you ... me?"
Sam nodded. "I go by Samantha Jane Baker now. I changed it when I
finally decided to accept my true self. Our parents couldn't accept it
so I broke off contact with them a long time ago."
"But why not tell me?"
"Would you have believed me when we first met? I remember being 15. As
I recall our parents were one step from sending us to a mental hospital.
I had to act careful."
I pulled off my top and felt the two small lumps that were slowly
getting bigger. "But why do this? Do you know what you've done?"
Sam nodded, "You and I both know it is something you wondered about. It
gets much worse as you get older and in time you will wish you had done
something before you hit your growth spurt."
Sam place three pictures in front of me. That first one is us before I
visited you the first time.
I saw a picture of a tall man I remembered.
"This doesn't look like you."
"It isn't. Not really. The first 'potion' he gave you was full of
nanomachines designed to eliminate testosterone from our body. The
process takes a few weeks which is why he waited to return. The second
'potion' flooded your system to equate the estrogen level to that of a
The words made little sense but one thing stood out, "You put machines
Sam laughed, "It's complicated but don't worry. That's the way many
medications are administered in the future. When they are done they
exit your system in the normal way."
"Do I still have any left in me?"
"Most of them are gone. Each nanomachines has a very specific job and
they shut down to be absorbed once finished. A few are still attached
to our glandular system and regulate our hormone levels to where the
doctor proscribed. That's where they will stay unless they receive
"Samantha Baker was approved for gender transformation. You got the
"So even if the doctor gives me testosterone booster...."
"... the nanomachines will clear it from your body."
I felt the rise of a panic attack, "What if I don't want this?"
"I know you better than that but that's one of the reasons for this
visit. I know you needed some time to digest this information. I will
be coming back next Saturday with another dose but I wanted to give you
some time as you deserve that. I will do what I can to reverse
everything if that's what you really want but deep down, I think you
know the truth."
James heard a bell and saw Sam pull a device from his belt.
"Damn. I thought I set it for longer. Gotta go!"
"But I've got more questions!"
"Next Saturday. I'll answer everything next Saturday."
I saw a light flash in the closet and didn't bother to look as I knew
Sam was gone.
I tried to get some sl**p but tossed and turned as my conversation with
Sam replayed in my mind. I must have dozed off which allowed the
comment that had escaped my conscious mind to work its way to the
The clock read 3:25am when I jumped out of bed and I ran into the
I shouted at the darkness. "What does the third dose do?"
No one was there. The answer would need to wait a week.
I knew my parents would be of no help and I couldn't talk to anyone at
school. Truth be told, Tim was my only close friend and it would be too
embarrassing. I considered talking to my shrink though after I thought
about it I doubted that cheap pill pusher had really ever helped anyone.
That only left my s****r. We hadn't spoke much since she got back from
school as she usually slept all morning, worked all afternoon, and
partied all night. Every night at dinner Mom complained as the process
I made sure she had the day off work then waited until 10 AM before
daring to knock. She didn't answer on my first or second attempt but
being desperate, I decided to barge in.
"Hey! I didn't say to enter!"
My s****r was sitting in a chair by window frantically trying to get the
smoke from her cigarette to go outside.
I smiled. "I already know you smoke s*s. There's no reason to hide it
"I don't want Mom to find out dumb ass. Please close that door behind
you on your way out."
I tried to give my s****r my most pathetic look, "Do you have some time
to talk, Lynn? I really need to talk to someone and I've always valued
My s****r laughed. "You want my advice? That's hard to believe but I
guess you can stay. Just close that door. I really don't want to hear
I locked the door and watched as my s****r light up another stinky
She asked, "What's up?"
My s****r had changed a lot in the past year. Even more than she did
when she first discovered boys. When she left home she was a former
cheerleader who made the honor roll every semester. She came home a
chain smoker that wore lots of black clothing and too much makeup with a
habit of staying out until 3am in the morning. Mom hoped it was just a
phase but Lynn had gone through a lot of phases.
"I don't know. How are things with you? I miss talking to you."
"Did Mom put you up to this? I swear if..."
"She didn't. I don't know what to say to you anymore Lynn."
"So why did you come in here?"
Enough small talk. I needed to get to the point. "Did Mom and Dad tell
you about my doctor's visit?"
Lynn shook her head. "We aren't talking right now. My grades weren't
that great this last term."
I nodded. That explained a lot about the tension in the house. "Well
I've got this condition called gynocumasta or something like that."
Lynn shook her head, "What the fuck does that mean?"
I couldn't stop the tears that formed as I spoke. "It means I've lost
all the testosterone in my body and it's been replaced by estrogen. I'm
cranky, I'm bloated, I'm weaker, and I'm starting to grow tits. It's
turning me into a fucking girl is what the fuck it means."
I remember my s****r's mouth opened as she stared at me without saying a
word. It felt like forever but it probably was only a few seconds.
"That's a lot to take in b*o. Are you ok?"
"I think I am but I just don't know what to think. You know what I
"I guess, wait ... Is that why you've been wearing my clothes and
stealing my makeup?"
I felt the blush rise on my cheeks, "You noticed?"
"You've always been a bit of a slob James. I don't mind sharing just
clean up after yourself." Lynn looked sympathetic then her face
brightened. "Oh, I have a lot of old clothes I was about to throw out.
I don't wear that flowery shit anymore and you can have if you want
them. I think I have an old makeup kit around here somewhere too."
"I don't know s*s. I don't think Mom and Dad will like that."
"Fuck 'em if they don't like it. You gotta do, what you gotta do."
Lynn went into her closet and before long, a pile had formed at my feet.
Lynn called from the closet, "So is this gynocumia thing reversible?"
I shouted back, "I don't know Lynn."
"Considering all this." She pointed at the pile of clothes she'd placed
on the floor. "Do you want it to be?"
"I really don't know Lynn."
My s****r grinned and threw a few more things on the pile.
She helped me put everything into a cardboard box then said, "I hate to
be rude but I gotta get dressed. Some girlfriends and I are headed to
the beach to meet some guys."
Some things never changed.
My mind raced as I looked at the box on the floor of my bedroom.
'Was this really to be my future?'
I checked the internet to find out the effect estrogen had on the male
body and some things started to make a lot more sense.
Weight gain? Check.
Loss of muscle mass? Check.
Change in smell? Check.
Breast growth? Check.
The articles also said my pubic hair growth would tend to a female
pattern though that wasn't something I'd ever paid much attention. My
testicles would shrink to a fraction of their former size and the
hormone imbalance would eventually cause infertility if they couldn't
stop it in time. That explained why I overheard the doctor mention to
my parents that I needed to go to a sperm bank as soon as possible. In
some small way I guess I was at least thankful for the impotence that
came along with this as I don't think I could have handled the grief
from my teammates if my reaction downstairs reflected my thoughts as we
My voice was another issue. I'd always hated my voice as the guys on
the team didn't call me 'Mouse' for just my diminutive size. According
to the articles my voice would never change without testosterone.
It also meant I'd never have a growth spurt or at least like the one my
Dad kept saying was coming. I might grow a few inches but my estrogen
filled body would only be as tall as it would have been if my genetics
were completely female. Speaking of which, estrogen caused girl's
bodies to accumulate more fat which tended to stay on the hips and butt
so I had that to look forward to. For all intents, I was going to look
a lot like a girl but with none of the plumbing.
On a positive note, at least my skin would get smoother and my hair
would get more body. Yay me!
Breast growth worried me the most as I thought about football practice.
I don't know why I was even bothering at this point as it wasn't very
noticeable but it was only a matter of time before someone would say
something in the shower. The area under my nipple was really sore
though thankfully the nipple itself hadn't started to grow yet. It
might have been my imagination but I thought I could see the
discoloration around the whole area that the internet said would
eventually become my areola.
I never was very consistent in taking the mood pills the shrink gave me
but that week I started taking the maximum dose the internet said was
safe. I know it probably wasn't smart but I knew my normal stress
relief of going for a run would only remind me of just how much strength
I had lost.
A few hours must have passed as Mom knocked on my door to let me know
dinner was ready but I didn't want to see anyone that night. She seemed
ok with it too as she left a tray of food next to my door.
The box of clothes called my name all day but I hadn't bothered to open
it. I had already decided to skip football practice on Monday but I
just couldn't put on the clothing. Was that to be my future? It only a
few weeks ago that I had spent a whole Sunday dressed in my s****r's
clothing while my parents went to pick her up from school. Now the
whole thing scared the hell out of me.
"Do I want this?"
It was still difficult to imagine that Sam was my future self but if
this was a prank it was a convincing one. I knew I needed to focus my
mind before Sam returned so I decided to go to the library and do some
"Do you have any books on time travel?"
The librarian pointed me to the science section. I found one that
didn't seem too complex and spent most of the morning reading it.
Theories varied on the subject. Scientists agreed that Einstein's
relativity showed time travel forward was possible but most also said it
was impossible to travel backwards in time. Fiction writers had many
more interesting explanations.
Sam's words echoed in my head, 'Eliminate the impossible and what you
are left with has to be the truth.'
That was the problem. Scientists said it was impossible but Sam said he
had come from the future. The doctor also said what Sam's potion had
done to me was impossible so either he was from the future or a magician
as science didn't allow for either explanation.
Only the fiction writers theories seemed to hold any answers. After Sam
left I couldn't help but think about how much he had changed between
visits. The first two times Sam visited he stood about 6' tall while on
the third 'he' seemed to be around 5'8". On the first two visits, Sam
had a deep voice and big frame. On the third, he sounded and looked
more like a girl. If fact, the only way I even knew it was him was he'd
reappeared in my closet and the look in his eyes. All three visitors
had the same kind brown eyes framed by thick glasses.
Why did the third Sam change? I thought I understood the answer to that
question but then why didn't the second Sam change too? I added it to
the notepad of questions to ask Sam when he returned.
Mom took me to see the hormone specialist on Tuesday and Doctor Wilson
confirmed everything that our f****y doctor had already said.
"Your body has shut off production of testosterone and is producing
large amounts of estrogen. It's not unheard of but I've never seen
anything at this level before. We need to make some quick decisions but
not after your son goes through some counselling."
My Mom asked, "What does that mean? Why does he need another
Dr Wilson answered, "Could you give me some one-on-one time with your
son? I'd like to ask him a few questions and think he might be too
embarrassed to answer with you in the room."
I gave a weak smile as Mom turned to stare at me. "I'll be ok Mom."
After Mom left, the doctor asked, "Are you sure you aren't seeing a
specialist? I mean are you taking d**gs to transition from male to
female but don't want to tell your parents?"
The stream of questions was starting to piss me off, "Why do you guys
keep asking me that?"
"That's because your results are too perfect. Even if you bought the
d**gs off of the internet you couldn't have gotten this perfect mix of
d**gs in your bl**d for your height, weight, and age. This just doesn't
happen naturally to boys without a lot of bl**d work and careful
"I don't know what to say doc. Do you believe in magic wishes?"
Doctor Wilson smiled, "Am I to take from the way you answered that
you've at least considered transitioning?"
I felt the bl**d rush to my face and was pretty sure the doctor knew the
answer from my reaction. "It's crossed my mind a few times but I
haven't told anyone. Please don't tell my Mom. I think it might kill
her and Dad. I've only wore my s****r's clothing when they aren't
"But you haven't taken any d**gs?"
I took a few seconds to decide how to respond. She'd never believe the
true answer. "I have not bought any d**gs nor have I met with a doctor
to proscribe me d**gs. I doubt they'd do it without my parent's
Doctor Wilson said, "It can be done if you want but it is complicated.
The most important thing I want you to remember is you can talk to me
and I will try to help. I promise I won't say a word to your parents.
I know some good counsellors that specialize in this sort of thing."
"Not right now doc but I do appreciate it. I think this is just a
"OK but until we get your hormones in control you are going through more
than a phase. You need some help."
If Sam was telling the truth they wouldn't ever get my hormones back in
'control'. Before we left, Doctor Wilson got Mom to agree to change my
shrink and I gave silent thanks to that.
As much as it scared me to think about telling anyone about my biggest
secret, events were conspiring to make it impossible to ignore.
After the visit with Doctor Wilson I decided it was time to let the
football coaches know I wasn't going to be back for a while. I'm sure
they had noticed my recent difficulties and weren't too concerned to
lose a player of my calibre but they did ask me if everything was ok. I
lied and I told them it was a thyroid issue that needed medication that
the doctors said would sort itself by fall. That seemed to satisfy
I knew Dad was really disappointed when I told him but he agreed it was
for the best considering my circumstances. Besides the cross country
coach had been begging to run for him since I was in 8th grade. I
didn't have the heart to tell Dad that my athletic career was probably
Everyone in the f****y tried to pretend that nothing was the matter
which had a nice side affect that Mom and Lynn started talking again.
One thought kept running through my head. 'Just wait Mom. In a few
months all three of us can talk about our girl issues.'
Damn it Sam.
I was determined to make the best of a bad situation. I spread the
clothing from Lynn on the bedroom floor and couldn't believe some of the
stuff she'd given me. I put them into separate piles - skirts, blouses,
dresses, sweaters, pants. She'd even thrown in some old panties &
nighties and a bikini she didn't want anymore. I tried not to think of
how much use some of the items got as I put them in their own piles.
After all, beggars couldn't be choosers.
I kept my door locked as I sorted everything because even though Dad was
at work, I didn't think Mom would react well if she saw me trying on
Lynn's clothing. Events of the past few days made me care a bit less
and I kept Lynn's advice in the forefront of my mind. 'Fuck them. You
gotta do what you gotta do'.
Lynn was a few inches taller than me and certainly had a different shape
so nothing fit well. I didn't care. I tried everything on at least
once and I have to admit. I kind of overdosed on the experience. I
woke a few hours later to the sound of Mom pounding on the door.
"I'm busy Mom!"
"You have a visitor!"
I was wearing one of Lynn's old nighties though I didn't remember
putting it on. I pulled it off along with the panties and shoved them
along with all the neat piles into my closet.
"Who is it Mom?"
Great. Tim was probably the last person I wanted to see but he had
always been a good friend. I owed him an explanation.
"Be there in a second."
I put on a pair of pants and a t-shirt and hurried downstairs. Tim was
sitting at the kitchen counter drinking a soda.
"Hey Tim how's it going?"
Tim watched as I walked down the stairs then stood and came to get a
closer look. I hoped he didn't look too close. He knew me about as
well as anyone and if someone could see the changes it was him. We'd
first met on the junior high track team three years earlier. A good
friendship had developed over many long runs where no one else could
keep up. I'm not sure why. He was tall and fast. I was small and
quick. He ran the quarter and the half mile. I ran the mile and two
mile. He had blonde hair. I had brown. All the girls loved him and
well ... you know about me.
"Coach said you were quitting the team."
That wasn't exactly the truth but everyone knew that without summer
practice, making the team was impossible. "I'm thinking about going out
for cross country instead." It was a lie but a useful lie.
Tim looked over his shoulder and saw Mom in the kitchen trying very hard
to look like she wasn't listening.
"Do you have some time to talk? Like maybe we could go get something to
I really didn't want to talk but I couldn't refuse Tim. The way things
were going I needed all the friends I could get.
"Mom is it ok...."
Of course she was listening.
Tim had gotten his driver's license just before the school year ended.
When he made it to regionals in the half mile, his parents surprised him
by getting him a car. It wasn't anything great but it was another
change in our relationship. As he drove, he asked me a question.
"So why'd you really quit the football team?"
"I didn't really quit forever Tim. I'm just not strong enough to hack
it right now. You've seen my struggles on the track lately and my
performance in the weight room. My speed got me through junior varsity
football but that's not enough anymore. I'm too small."
"Is something going on that you aren't tell me?"
The way he said it made me think that rumors had already started. "What
did you hear?"
"I shouldn't have to ask. You are my best friend after all."
It was nice to hear he still thought of us as best friends. We hadn't
spoken much lately. I felt my eyelids start to water. Goddamn these
"I don't want to talk about it Tim. I haven't told..."
The words wouldn't come out any more and I put my head on my lap and I
felt the car come to a stop.
"I'm sorry James. I didn't I mean... shit. What ever it is you can
tell me. You've been distant from me ever since I started dating Betsy.
I tried to include you in our activities but you always say you are
busy. I don't know what I did."
"It's not you Tim."
"What is it then? Is it cancer?"
The word 'cancer' brought a smile to my face. "Is that what people are
"People are worried. When coach told us you wouldn't be back at today's
practice it convinced everyone you have some sort of terminal disease.
I had to find out."
And there it was. Some one was asking me for the truth and I had no
real good answer. He'd never believe me if I told him the truth and
he'd never believe me if I said nothing was wrong. The truth was I had
no idea what would become of me in a week ... a month ... a year. I was
pretty sure I knew what would happen if I couldn't reverse it. I'd
start to look like Sam the last time I'd seen him. Could I live with
that? Or was it better to ask for a cure and live like the tall version
of Sam the first time we met? Is that what I wanted? Then there was
the matter of the third potion. Sam hadn't explained it at all. Would
it make me completely unrecognizable? If that were the case, how would
anyone know me?
I tried to explain, "I won't lie and say nothing is wrong. The truth is
I'm going through something difficult and I can't explain it. It may
end up as nothing. It may be that I'm a freak. And you might never see
I think deep down Tim knew I was telling the truth because he didn't
push for a better answer.
"I already think you are a freak 'Mouse'. A speed freak."
I gave him a dutiful laugh.
"...and you'd better not leave without saying goodbye. I don't
understand but I guess you have your reasons."
"I promise to stay in touch Tim." Even if you don't recognize me
Mom gave me a curious look after Tim dropped me off but I hurried past
and locked my bedroom door behind me. I pulled my new clothing from the
closet and resorted the piles. It's funny how quick I started to think
of them as my clothing. I'd always wanted cute clothes and now I had
them. I put on one of Lynn's floral print dresses that I'd always liked
then looked at the locked door.
'What good was it to have nice things if you were a prisoner?'
Of course I could have worn them outside but I couldn't bear the
backlash. Even if people knew the truth of my hormone condition, the
whispers would be deafening and there would always be stares. I bet
that's why Sam#3 changed his name.
That's how I started to think of them. Sam#1 and Sam#2 were my first
two visitors who looked like the man my dad always said I would become.
Sam#3 was my future due to the hormones I'd already received.
Sam#3 probably waited until the changes had gone far enough to be
mistaken for anything but a woman and changed his name. As I wondered
how long that had taken I realized that he said that Sam#1 & Sam#2 also
changed their name as well. I had to be missing something.
After tossing and turning a few nights I finally got a good night's
sl**p and since I knew Mom and Dad were giving me space it was a
surprise to hear a knock on the door about 9am. I ignored the first
knock but the second sounded more insistent.
I shouted, "It's unlocked."
Lynn entered and gave my room a quick once over.
"Where's the clothing I gave you?"
"Hidden in the closet."
Lynn laughed. "There's a joke in there somewhere but it's too easy."
I threw a pillow at her in annoyance. "What do you want Lynn? I
actually was sl**ping pretty sound."
She dodged the pillow with ease. "I just made some space in my closet.
I thought you might want to join me while I shopped."
I thought about it. Something didn't make sense. "Mom put you up to
this didn't she?"
Lynn smiled, "Not really but I might have borrowed her credit card. I
overheard her telling dad last night that the doctor expects your
breasts to grow in the next few weeks."
"Great. Now I'm talking to my s****r about my breasts."
She was right though. The books said men on estrogen hormones could
expect to be similar size to their closest relatives though the rate of
growth varied greatly by the individual and was affected by age. I
could be expect the process to be complete in about two years. It had
been almost three months since Sam had given me the estrogen
nanomachines so it was a bit surprising I wasn't showing already. Maybe
I was a late bloomer in everything.
"Can't I use one of your bra's?"
Lynn started to laugh, "Are you k**ding? It took me a long time to grow
these. You'll need something a lot smaller." His s****r arched her
back making her C cups hard to miss.
I shook my head. Yep. My s****r is all class. Was the innocent pre-
teen I'd known completely gone?
I said, "Oh all right but you are buying them."
Our plan at the lingerie store was simple. I played the boyfriend who
she f***ed to join her shopping. Everything went as planned until Lynn
insisted I join her in the dressing room.
When we got there she had a cloth tape measure in her hand. "Take your
I shook my head no. "I'm not getting naked in front of my s****r."
She shrugged as she exited and through the curtain I heard her voice.
"Suit yourself. I need four measurements. Hips, waist, chest below
your nipple and chest on the fullest part of your bust."
"My bust? Really Lynn?"
I only heard giggles in response.
"You are enjoying this way too much."
She barked an order, "Measure, measure!"
Since I had little choice, I used the soft tape measure on the widest
part of my hips, my waist, and my breast. Within a few minutes I
dressed and told my s****r it was ok to come back in.
I gave her the numbers in rapid succession. "28 waist, 30 hip, 33
chest, 34 bust"
Lynn put the information into her smart phone.
"That makes your bra size a 33A. Hmm. No training bra for you."
"That's not right. I have been working on the chest press for
"Uh huh sure. And did you know your hip to waist ratio is closer to a
woman's than a typical guy?"
"Do you want me to start crying right here in the changing room Lynn?"
"Blame the app. See! That's what it says."
I didn't think she deserved an answer.
As we agreed Lynn checked out while I waited outside with all the other
guys that didn't want to be seen shopping with their girlfriends. Lynn
grabbed my arm as she exited and practically skipped through the mall.
She said, "Where to next honey?"
"Goddamn it Lynn. You are enjoying this too much."
"Sorry. You know how much I love to shop. I always wanted a little
s****r to corrupt."
We went directly to her room when we got home. Lynn didn't buy one bra
like we'd agreed, she bought three. She didn't buy the plain flesh
colored bra I picked out but instead bought something she liked better.
"That was boring. These are much better."
The bra's were covered in lace and silk and colored red, black and blue.
"I'll never wear those. Especially that one." I pointed at the red
"Oh you never know. Boys love a little color."
I shook my head in frustration.
Lynn put her hands on her hips. "What? Are you going to tell that you
aren't into guys?"
I couldn't believe what I'd just heard. "What??? Me ... No."
Lynn smiled. "I know you. It's cool. I have lots of gay friends."
"I'm not gay!" At least that's what Sam said.
"Whatever. Put on the black one."
I shook my head.
"Come on. If you put it on I will take you out to meet my friends. I
know this cute guy that I think would be perfect for you."
Something was up. "What is going on Lynn? We haven't been close in
years and all of a sudden we are buddies?"
Lynn didn't say anything for a while and the smile disappeared from her
face. "Do you know how much I hated you growing up? James did this.
James did that. Even when I was away at school all Mom and Dad could
talk about was you. They never really liked me."
"That's not true." Deep down I knew my s****r had a point.
"I've kind of been a bitch to you the last few years and I admit I
thought it was funny when I first heard about your gynecomastia. That's
what it is call by the way. I looked it up. Anyway my first thought
was to give you some of the clothing you'd been borrowing from me and
just wait since it would only be a matter of time before Mom found them
in your room. I couldn't wait to hear the explosion."
I couldn't believe what I was hearing. Did my s****r hate me that much?
"Why are you telling me this?"
"I heard Mom and Dad talking last night and realized just how poorly
they are dealing with this. Mom's constantly in tears and if you
haven't noticed I think her shrink has given her enough tranquilizers to
kill a small farm a****l. Dad on the other hand is acting like nothing
has changed. If the doctors don't get this under control it is going to
get bad for you. Really bad. When I heard you quit the football team I
realized how much of a bitch I was being and thought you might need a
"Just like that?"
"Just like that. I'm really sorry."
My s****r put her arms around me and squeezed me tight. I couldn't
remember the last time we had hugged and really meant it. Maybe when I
was 12? Once again my waterworks opened and the tears flowed down my
face and pooled on her shoulder so I pulled away.
"I'm sorry. These fucking hormones are playing havoc with my emotions."
Lynn dapped at her own eyes, "It's ok. Will you try on the black one?
For me? It's really cute."
"Oh fuck you s*s. All right."
I couldn't believe I was letting her do this. I was sitting in front of
my s****r's dressing mirror in the silky black panties and bra she had
just bought with mom's credit card while she gave me tips on how to put
"I don't want to do this Lynn!"
"Yes you do."
"But I don't look like a girl!"
"I'm sure you think that but the hormones have already made quite an
effect on your appearance. No one has noticed yet because they see you
every day. I thought you looked different when I came home from school
but I couldn't figure it out. I know why now."
Lynn used her smart phone to take my picture and put it up her laptop.
"This is you now."
She hit a button.
"This is the selfie I took of us at Christmas."
She hit a button to flip back several times. "Now, then, now, then..."
"I get it Lynn!"
She was right. It was hard to explain but looked like slight changes in
the fat deposits on my face made it rounder. More feminine. Goddamn
"Women's skin has a different texture than a man's and it's estrogen
that gives it that look."
My s****r hadn't ever been much of a studier even in her honor roll
days. "Are you believing everything you read on the internet again?"
Lynn shook her head. "Mock me if you must but it's only another month
until schools starts and it's a lot worse now than it was when I got
home. People are going to notice something as soon as they see you."
"What do you want me to do about it Lynn?!?!"
She screamed back, "I don't know but if you are going to look like a
girl I thought you might like to know how to really put on makeup.
Please? For me?"
Of course I had messed with makeup many times when she wasn't around but
that was different. No one was around. Wearing women's clothing and
makeup made me feel good. That didn't mean I wanted my s****r to
instruct me but she had a point. I didn't want to think about school
and what would happen then. The k**s there were unmerciful to anyone
that was different in the least.
"I don't know Lynn. It makes me feel weird to have you here, judging
"I'm not judging and anyway you are going to need to get some thicker
skin. People are going to notice. You need to figure out how you are
going to react to it. Don't you think I hear comments all the time
about the way I dress?"
"Like a slut?"
"See who's judging now?"
I nodded. "I'm sorry. You have a point."
"And for the record I'm not a slut. I just like the way dressing the
way I do because I've met some really great people and being with them
makes me feel better. I can't explain it."
I guess I wasn't the only one in the f****y that couldn't explain my
Lynn asked, "So can I do it?"
Lynn smiled and got right to work. She started with foundation and
spread it all over my face. I started to say something but Lynn spoke
"Most girls use a lot more foundation that you'd believe. After a year
in the girl's dorms I've realized that even the hottest girls skin can
look bad in the morning until they've put on their foundation. It evens
everything out and prepares your face for everything else."
Next came a light pink blush that she dabbed on my cheeks.
"This brightens your face and helps give a more innocent look."
"You don't use this."
"It suits you better."
She followed that with a pale colored concealer she put on under my
eyes. As she blended it in she explained, "You're looking a little
tired. This will cover the dark circles and give you a more wide awake
look that will allow you eyes to pop."
"You want my eyes to pop?"
"All girls want their eyes to pop. It's an expression dummy but make up
is mostly about getting guys to look at your eyes because most of them
tend to look a lot lower."
I laughed. I had to admit I was enjoying this and especially because it
felt like I had my old s****r back.
Next came the eyeliner which she put on with a surprising light touch as
opposed to the thick lines she normally wore.
"Is that enough?"
"It works on you."
She put on a moderate about of brownish gold eyeshadow on my lids that
she said would suit my hair.
"My hair? My hair didn't look anything like a girl's hair."
"I think you'd be surprised if you let it grow out. You hair feels
really soft and I think it would be cute long but I wasn't talking about
your hair." She pointed to the wig stands next to her dressing table.
She smiled. "Oh yes. You gotta let me."
I asked, "Why am I letting you do this to me?"
"Because deep down you know you want it."
Deep down I knew she was right.
I'd always struggled to put on mascara as it always clumped together and
I had trouble keeping it only on my eyelashes. Lynn's experienced hand
lifted and pulled my lashes until they stood in stark contrast to the
lids of my eyes.
Lynn said, "I've always wondered how that would look."
"What do you mean?"
"You've always had such nice long eyelashes."
"You do to but you use those huge false lashes?"
"I just like them. They're fun."
"Fun and slutty looking."
Lynn punched me in the arm.
"Just remember your current look is in my hands."
I raised my hands in surrender.
When everything had dried Lynn put on the wig. I tried to look at the
result in the mirror but she wouldn't let me.
The finishing touch was the lipstick. I'd always loved the milky smooth
feeling of lipstick on my lips. I'd even started wearing a color
similar to my own lip color when I thought no one would notice. The
color she chose was a deep red and after a few minutes she turned the
chair so I could get a look.
The image looking back scared me in many ways.
"I don't like it. It's too much."
"That's because you are looking at your self as a man through the
prejudice of a man's eyes. If I showed you a picture of a girl that
looked like this you'd think she was hot. Smoky eyeshadow, eyeliner and
lipstick on a guy is weird to most people. Put the same thing on a
woman and the world bows at her feet."
"You really think I look good like this?"
My s****r laughed. "Well I'm not in to judging familial relations but I
think you'll pass."
"Pass with my friends. We're going out and they don't judge."
I shook my head. "No way."
Like everything else that happened that day, Lynn didn't accept no for
It was dark when we snuck out the back door though it didn't matter.
Lynn said Mom and Dad had told her they had dinner plans and wouldn't be
back until late.
The party she took me too was actually a bar.
"I'm only 15, Lynn."
"You are almost 16 and I started coming down here when I was younger
than you. I know the guy that runs the place. He's cool."
Lynn was dressed in her typical black outfit, with too much makeup and a
long black wig. She took me to one of the rooms in the back.
One of the guys asked, "Hey Lynn, who's the chick?"
She smiled at me and I nodded.
"It's my s****r."
What's her name?"
I interrupted before Lynn had a chance to speak. "Samantha but everyone
calls me Sam."
I can't reliably explain much of what happened that night as the
memories got blurry soon after I arrived. It wasn't surprising
considering the hormones racing through my system, the fact I only
weighed 110 lbs, or that I'd never drank much in my life. I don't
remember much after the second fruit flavored drink though Lynn later
claimed that I spent half the night making out with a guy in the corner.
I don't remember much.
What I will never forget is Mom and Dad's reaction when we got home.
They met us at the back door when we tried to sneak in a little after
"Where have you...."
That's when Dad noticed my outfit. I can't actually put into words the
face I saw but it kind of turned a purplish/red color as his mouth
twisted into an angry snarl.
I took a step back as he turned to face me. "What the fuck are you
I shrugged as I tried to sober up.
Lynn said, "It was my idea."
"Who the fuck gave you the right..."
I said, "It'sh sh'ok dad. Lynn hash been gwrait today."
"Have you been drinking?"
"To your rooms. Both of you. Now."
I was glad to be going to my room as I was really tired. I remember
hearing screaming coming from Lynn's room as I fell asl**p.
When I got up the next morning I saw three large men on the sidewalk
carrying things to a nearby van. It was Lynn's stuff.
I was still wearing the small bra and panties she had bought for me and
despite the situation I couldn't help but laugh when I saw myself in the
mirror. The remains of the makeup created an uneven look across my face
which made the whole situation seem unreal. I thought I looked
ridiculous but Lynn never laughed once I agreed to dress up for her. At
least not much.
I put on a t-shirt and threw on a pair of jeans and rushed to her room.
I didn't see Lynn but Dad was there taking apart her dressing table.
"Go wash your damned face."
I turned around and ran to my bathroom and scrubbed like he'd ordered.
The hired men took most of the morning to move Lynn's stuff to her
friend's apartment. When I asked dad a question his only response was
to remind me that I was grounded for the foreseeable future.
It took forever for Saturday to come as Mom and Dad still hadn't decided
how to deal with me. Their only solution so far was to say I needed to
stay in my room. I was good with that as it allowed me to practice my
makeup skills like Lynn had instructed. I even tried her look a few
'Like a slut.'
Tears mixed with the eyeliner as I thought of her and burnt my eyes so I
removed it all and took another shower.
I watched the clock as it slowly crept forward and at 8 o'clock I saw
the flash in my closet. I waited in the middle of the room wearing the
cutest dress that Lynn had given me along with her wig that dad didn't
realized I kept. My makeup wasn't anything close to what Lynn had done
but it was better than I'd done in the past. Under it all were the bra
and panties that covered my slow developing body. A more mature version
of me stared back from the closet door.
I could see Sam was having trouble speaking when he saw my outfit. I
spoke first and tried to make a joke.
"How was YOUR week?"
Sam grinned, "Not as tough as yours as I recall."
I can't explain what I felt at that exact moment but it was nice to talk
to someone that understood what I was going through. Sam was at least
ten years older and had already gone through all the same things I had
"How could I forget?"
There was one big difference. No one came back in his world. He had to
face it alone.
I said, "I think I have it all figured out but I have a few questions."
"I'm sure you do. Let's sit on the bed and I will explain."
Sam took a deep breath then started his story, "Let's assume there's a
small company in California that's been working on things like wormholes
along with other advanced technologies and has been for many years. You
won't find them listed on Wall Street or ever see any minutes from their
board meetings. It's fully funded by an off-book government
organization and the only way you will hear about them is if they
contact you. In twelve years one of their teams makes a breakthrough
led by a guy we've both met in this very room."
Sam laughed. "So you do understand a bit. Am I Sam #2 in your mind?"
"Sam#3. Sam#2 gave me estrogen."
Sam said, "That's not quite right but it's close."
"I don't understand."
Sam said, "You will. Can I continue or do you have a question?"
I motioned for him to continue.
Sam said, "The project where he was assigned was looking for a way to
allow fast space travel to other galaxies. The lead scientists didn't
understand the technology as the results didn't match up to their
expectations and the whole thing shut down. It was Sam#1 that made the
connection that the the wormhole device could also work in the 4th
dimension, time. He worked after hours to modify the device so it used
a relative fixed point in the first 3 dimensions to allow travel in the
4th and the result was a stable portal for a short period of time.
I shook my head. "My head is spinning. That made no sense."
Sam smiled, "The details aren't important but it may make sense to you
someday. While he worked on the project some old demons got stronger
than ever. When he made the first breakthrough he thought maybe the
future might hold the answer to his issues. He built a prototype
machine in the house he bought from his parents."
"Was he crossdressing like me?"
"It was more than that. You, me and Sam#1 all have a female brain and
by that I mean we have a feminine gender ID. We all fought it. Sam#1
fought the longest which I think only made his desperation for change
that much greater. After he made his discovery he went to a future
where changing your gender is much easier and more complete. The
problem was when he tried it on himself he wasn't happy with the result
as he felt his neural pathways too corrupted after living 30 years in a
man's body. He reverted the process and started over."
"Why would he do that?"
"It dawned on Sam#1 that he had a time machine that could easily connect
to his closet when he was a k**. He knew there were risks so as a
scientist he decided to do this is a most clinical manner possible.
Everything was checked and a project plan developed. When everything
was ready, he picked a night he knew we'd be in our room. It had to be
early enough that we hadn't started our growth spurt but late enough
that we had started to question our sexuality. He figured the night of
the Spring Dance in our sophomore year was perfect."
I thought back to that night. It seemed ages ago but it had only been
about four months.
"After we took the first potion he returned a few weeks later once the
testosterone blocker had done it's job. In actuality he only waited an
hour on his side but that's where his records stop. Do you remember
the first visit?"
I nodded. "Yes."
"And do you remember the second?"
I nodded again. "Yes. It wasn't that long ago."
"Do you remember a change in his appearance between the two visits?"
"It took a while for me to figure out but using your terminology Sam#1
lived in Universe#1. My theory is his first visit was a test to see
what would happen if he made a small change to the past. In universe#1,
testosterone levels dipped for about a month then returned to normal.
That meant no permanent change happened and the universe returned to its
baseline. When he gave us the estrogen enhancers...."
I knew the answer to this one. After all the results sat on the bed
beside me. "We were changed forever! What happened to him?"
"I don't know. It seems you spent some time this week learning about
time travel. Have you ever heard about multiverse theory?"
I shook my head no.
"It's not important but my working theory is when Sam#1 changed his own
past by giving us the estrogen it created a paradox and destroyed his
universe or created a new one. All I know is he gave me the estrogen
potion and I took a drink. When I looked back to where he was standing
he was gone. I never saw him again. I doubt we will ever know for
"As far as we are concerned yes. He died and you could say we were born
"But how are you here? Did you replicate his work?"
"In part, on my 18th birthday I got an interesting summons where a
lawyer explained that a large trust had been set up in my name by a lady
named Samantha Jane Baker."
"That's your name! How is that possible?"
"It's also the name Sam#1 used when he decided to live a woman. We
didn't see his other visits but as a scientist he tried to plan for
everything including using 'insider knowledge' make a small fortune in
investments. It was a good thing because my hormones and genetics were
in opposition and I couldn't earn an athletic scholarship like he did to
get into Stanford. The documents he left laid a blueprint for me to
follow to finish his work."
"Did you have to follow it? I mean it had to piss you off that he
messed with your hormones then never came back?"
"I was plenty angry all through high school but I felt better when I got
his letters. It explained what had happened to me and it wasn't like he
planned to create a paradox. He didn't know for sure what would happen
and it wasn't as bad as I learned to accept myself. Using his data and
a lot of hard work I was able to get into UCLA then CalTech and then
work in the same secret government lab. When the project failed this
time I was able to set up a similar setup in this house. Two weeks ago,
I went to the future and got the third potion he planned to use on us."
"What does that mean? You mentioned the third potion on your last
"The gender switch nanites are a two step process that takes four to
five months to complete. The estrogen nanites are needed to create an
environment so the 'third' potion has a fertile place in which to
"What does the third 'potion' do?"
"Scientists are doing a lot of research into gene therapy right now and
that will continue over the next decade but it's nothing compared to
what Sam#1 found in the future. These nanites enter your system and
make changes at a cell level changing your XY chromosomes into a XX.
Once that's complete it starts a second phase that remolds your body to
its genetic instructions. Gene therapy has all but eliminated cancer
but it's had a secondary use for people like us that's very popular in
the future. From what I've read going TG is even the new hip thing for
young couples in the year 2093. I've got a few brochures on it if you
are interested. Anyway, the results are nearly 100% successful if your
body has readied itself with the proscribed three months of estrogen
therapy before ingesting the 'XX' nanites. After that it's just a
matter of following the instructions so the nanites can do their work."
I said, "?But that will ... I mean ... if I take the potion ... you will
... you won't be back."
Sam shrugged, "We all have our parts to play."
"I won't do it. That's not fair to you."
Sam nodded, "I've given this a lot of thought over the years. I even
considered taking the 3rd potion myself a few times."
"Why don't you?"
"I could but things aren't that simple. I want to spare you the pain."
"But you are me!"
"I'm you 14 years from now. That's a big difference. Some scars never
heal no matter how hard we try. It's why Sam#1 came back in the first
"Is it our parents? I will run away!"
"If you change my future based on information I give you, it will create
a paradox anyway. I knew what I was getting into when I entered the
"I won't do it. Tell me what to do. I don't want you to leave. You
are the only one that understands!"
"You need to understand why I came back. You need to understand what
happens to Lynn. It's why I've worked for the last 10 years to get the
The mention of my s****r's name got my attention. "What do you mean?"
"Sam#1 was worried that there might be some slight changes to the world
around him so he documented everything before he started. The Lynn in
his universe graduated from college with a degree in graphic design.
She was happily married and worked from home while she took care of her
I smiled at the description. Lynn? A housewife and mom?
Sam smiled back. "I know. I thought it was funny too. Remember how
Lynn got kicked out of the house in our universe? That didn't happen in
Sam#1's world. We never were diagnosed with gynecomastia in Sam#1's
world. She never had a reason to empathize with us and in Sam#1's
universe they were never close."
I shook my head. "What does that matter?"
Sam looked at the floor, "Mom and Dad stopped paying for her college and
she had to drop out of school. About two years from now she's working
the late shift at the diner. A man tries to mug her as she walks home
only she fights back. She dies on the way to the hospital."
"No!!! Is it because of us?"
Sam nodded. "In a sense."
"Then change it!"
"I can't. I can set up the tools but someone from this time has to be
the catalyst. If I do too much to affect my future it will create a
paradox. I've run all the simulations and there is only one solution
where I'm sure Lynn is safe and we have a happy future. The catalyst
has to be you. You have to do it after I've create a paradox and
I closed my eyes. "I won't do it."
"It's ok James. I accepted my fate a long time ago. I can't stay here
anyway and the more often I visit the more likely I can cause damage.
We've done enough already."
I felt like he wasn't giving me a choice. "Will it hurt?"
Sam laughed, "No more than football practice I'd expect."
"Where will I go once the nanites start working? Mom and Dad are
freaked out enough as it is. I think I'm grounded for the next
Sam said, "A very good question. I've rented you a place not from here
to complete the change. Here's the address and key to your new place
and some cash until you get settled. I've put everything Sam#1s gave me
along with all my records in case you want to follow up on our research.
Don't feel obligated. Live however you want. Your options are
"What about Mom and Dad? They won't recognize me."
Sam pulled down his shirt and I saw what I assumed was a mastectomy
scar. "In time you will wish they'd kicked you out like they did to
Lynn. I did whatever I could to please them but in the end I was
nothing but an embarrassment. I like to think they'd be proud of my
work with the government but it's top secret so they don't even know
what I do. We haven't spoken in ten years."
I gave Sam a grim nod. It appeared he'd had a tough, lonely life.
Sam brightened, "Doctor Wilson is cool though. Try to sure you stay in
touch with her if you can. She's great."
"What about Tim? How'd he react to the changes?"
Sam didn't answer for a second. "He was nicer than most. It just
wasn't meant to be you know? Maybe you'll have better luck."
Sam removed a bottle from the case she'd brought.
"It's time. No more delays."
"What will happen to you?"
"I don't know but I will say that today is the happiest I've been in a
long long time."
It seemed like there were no other options but to do as Sam asked. The
sad spectre of doing nothing stood before me. I put the vial to my
I said, "Thanks for everything Samantha."
She smiled as I said her real name for the first time and started to
She disappeared as I took the first sip.
I waited until the next morning when Mom and Dad left for church before
calling the cab. I filled a suitcase with the clothes that Lynn had
given me and a few other keepsakes I didn't want to forget. I heard the
honk outside and I dropped a letter in a neighbor's mailbox.
'Dear Tim, I'm sorry for not doing this in person but I have my
reasons. You won't see me again and I'm sorry to have to break my
The cab dropped me off at the apartment which thankfully Sam had the
foresight to furnish. Instructions were sitting on the counter.
I've attached your new driver's license, social security card and birth
certificate to this note. The car's in the garage. Lynn should stop by
in a few days but she doesn't know a thing. Important documents are in
the file cabinet. Everything else is on the computer.
There was another note for Lynn. I put it to the side for when she
I smiled when I saw the name on my drivers license: Samantha Jane Baker
III. The picture looked like a morph of me and Lynn though she had
blonde hair. I guess I needed to get some dye. I wondered how accurate
it would be once the changes were done.
It was hard to tell if the potion was working but I knew something
didn't feel right. Of course I hadn't felt right in months.
Sam was a scientist to the end and had set up a computer program in the
next room with a place to enter measurements so I could keep track of
the changes. The first thing I did was enter the information I'd
remembered from my day of shopping with Lynn.
Weight:110, Height:64", Waist: 28, Hips: 30, Chest: 32, Bust: 33
Sam's program had places for a lot more information with lots of charts
and projections. Next to the computer desk was an electronic scale
along with a fancy type of electronic tape measure that claimed it was
accurate to 3 decimal points. I was curious to see if anything was
happening so I undressed and tried it out.
Day 1 -?? 11:00AM
Wt:114.3 Ht:63.6 Wst:27.6 Hip:29.9 Chst:31.8 Bust:32.6 Fat:8.4%
Note - First test!
The computer said it didn't have enough information to make a
projection. That made sense as there wasn't much variation from the
measurement I'd taken on Thursday. I did notice the weight was higher
than the last time I'd weighed myself. The estrogen coursing through my
system was great at helping to accumulate fat on women's hips, thighs
and ass so it probably explained the fat percentage. I doubted if it
were much over 2% a few months ago. Other than that there didn't appear
to be any changes. Were the nanomachines really rewriting my genetic
code? The mere thought put me in a panic but I'd left all my anti-
anxiety medication at home.
Thought of the word 'home' made my panic worse. Was this my home now?
Of course I could chicken out and go back to Mom & Dad but how would
that work? Every morning I'd look a little different until eventually
my parent's wouldn't recognize me. Then there were the doctors. If I
went to the doctors again, they'd start genetics testing too and I'd
never get out of their labs as they tried to figure out what was
changing me. Sam was scarred from just the experience with just
estrogen nanites. Imagine how my parents and doctors would react if
other parts of me started changing.
The mere thought of it made me shudder.
It was only a month. No one would recognize me then. Sam#3 had it much
Day 4 - 6:00 PM
Wt:114.1 Ht:63.6 Wst:27.6 Hip:29.9 Chst:31.8 Bust:32.6 Fat:8.1%
Note - No change!
The results have been the same for days. I started testing once an hour
but after seeing the same thing each time I switched to every six hours.
I'm so bored. Where is Lynn? I thought the Sam's note said she was
going to join me.
Sam put a camera on the table for me to take self portraits to document
the changes and I'd taken a few but it was really embarrassing. One
thought drove me - Who would I be when everything was done? The thought
that I was losing myself gave me a determination to do things that I
would have never considered a month ago. Pictures - Front, side, and
back. I even did it in the nude. It's so embarrassing. I hope I never
have to show anyone these pictures but I think it's the only way I will
ever be able to convince anyone of the truth if I ever decide to go
I read and reread the booklet that Sam had left that explained the
process. Every bottle had approximately a billion nanomachines and
every body had over 60 trillion cells. Each nanomachine was programed
to investigate a cell, look for defects and correct them to its
programming. Nanomachines had all but wiped out cancer and autoimmune
diseases in its day along with less life threatening gene disorders like
male pattern baldness and color blindness. The brochure didn't say how
long each machine took but at 1 cell per second I calculated it would
take approximately 16 hours.
Obviously it was taking longer than a second. On a positive note if
this worked I'd never have to worry about going bald. The brochure said
the process could take as little as two weeks and as long as a month
depending on the readiness of the patient's body. All I knew is it was
frustrating to wait.
I turned on the television in hopes taking my mind off it but saw Mom's
face staring back. The crawl on the bottom of the screen caught my
attention. "Please send my son back to me." They were playing it like
a k**napping. I wonder if they mentioned our fight to the cops.
I wondered when that was going to happen. I'd changed cabs twice on my
way to the apartment as I figured the cops would eventually start a
missing person search. I looked on the internet and the story made no
mention of my condition or that I might be mentally unstable. They even
used one of my old football pictures from the previous year and the
difference on the screen from when I looked in the mirror surprised me.
Mom & Dad had to know it would be more difficult to find me with that
picture as the estrogen had already changed my appearance. Maybe they
never noticed the changes. It was more likely they were more afraid of
revealing my secret than doing everything to find me. Poor Sam. I bet
he really had it rough.
Day 8 -?? 2:13 AM
Wt:113.1 Ht:63.8 Wst:27.6 Hip:29.8 Chst:31.8 Bust:32.7 Fat:7.6%
Note - Woke up in a sweat. Something is happening.
I woke up early feeling a general hotness through my entire body. I
haven't been eating much lately but I now I am really thirsty. I think
the nanomachines are almost done with phase 1. Am I a genetic girl now?
Too tired to give it much thought.
Day 8 - 6:00AM
Wt:114.0 Ht:63.8 Wst:27.7 Hip:29.9 Chst:31.8 Bust:32.7 Fat:7.6%
Note - Still hot. Peeing a lot.
I've been running a fever all night and doing this by myself is a bad
idea. Where's Lynn? I've also started keeping all my pee. I know it's
gross but Sam left instructions that I should do this from the
beginning. It seemed stupid then I started thinking about the
nanomachines and how much they could help people. They have to go
somewhere and my thirst makes me think they are in my urine. Someone
might be able to study them someday if they survive. It's for science!
(but still gross).
My head keeps pounding and it feels like I'm going to throw up. I need
an assistant and there's only one person that I could possibly trust.
Feeling desperate, I put on the wig Lynn gave me along with one of her
more nondescript outfits then coated my face with lots of dark makeup so
it looked like something she might wear. It didn't look great but I
didn't think it was too bad when you consider I have a billion
nanomachines eating at my insides. Besides, it was just so no one would
I knew the police were looking but it wasn't like they had hundreds of
extra manhours to search for a runaway. They'd probably just do a
cursory search and come up empty. If they were ambitious they might try
to follow the taxi but I'd made two switches to make that more
difficult. They might find the right neighborhood but they'd have to be
really lucky to find the apartment before I changed. I knew I was
taking a chance going out in public but I had to do something. Sam said
there was a car in the garage. Even though somehow I now had a drivers
license in reality I hadn't passed the driver's test. I had to risk it.
I heard a knock on the door just as I was finishing getting dressed.
'Oh shit!' Had they found me?
I deepened my voice and shouted through the closed door.
"Um... you said... you needed a person to clean your place? For $200?
I know I'm a few days late but I was wondering if you ..."
It was Lynn! I opened the door.
She gave a confused look, "James?"
"Nice outfit." The sarcasm in her voice was unmistakeable. "What's
I handed Lynn the note that Sam had addressed to her. Her eyes went
wide as she thumbed through the attached stack of prepaid credit cards.
"There must be a few thousand dollars here. You know what that means!"
I shook my head.
"It means it's time to go shopping and plan a big party!"
"You can't tell anyone about this place Lynn. At least not yet."
"I'm joking. How many times do I need to agree to keep this secret
"I'm just a little paranoid."
"So I've noticed but what's really going on? Are you really thinking of
running away and how'd you find this place?"
It was 12:45. Lynn and I had been talking for a while. I was running
late and started to undress.
"Can't talk now."
"What are you doing?"
"Can you measure me?"
"What's going on James? Two weeks ago you wouldn't let me measure you
in a dressing room and now you just take of your shirt and want me to
"Just do it."
"Hey you are finally getting your boobies!"
Day 8 - 12:50 PM
Wt:113.5 Ht:63.8 Wst:27.7 Hip:29.9 Chst:31.8 Bust:32.9 Fat:7.2%
Note - I'm not feeling good. Lynn's here. Going to bed.
"Are you really running a fever of 101?
"You should be in bed."
I slept most of the afternoon but the smell from the kitchen woke me up.
A large pot of spaghetti was on the stove when I entered. I saw Lynn in
the next room playing with the computer and watching television.
She turned when I entered the room, "Do you feel better?"
"A little. I think I'm running a temperature."
"So when are you going to tell me what's really going on James?"
"It's hard to explain. I don't know where to begin."
"How about why you have a container full of pee in the bathroom?"
I laughed. "It's a real long story and one I would have told you before
if I thought there was a chance you'd believe me. I barely believe it
and I'm living it."
"Why don't you start at the beginning while I put supper on the table?"
I nodded and took a deep breath. "All right. It started the night of
the Spring Dance. I was laying on my bed and there was a flash..."
"So let me get this straight. You are saying I died."
"But not for two years."
"But I also am a housewife living in the suburbs?"
I smiled. "Yes."
"I don't believe it."
"It was alternate universes Lynn. It's not this one."
She shook her head. "And in this one you are changing into a girl."
"My guess is if they did a DNA test on me right now, it would come back
female. All that is left is the outside. Which still hurts for what
Lynn looked at the clock, "Ooh. Time for another measurement. Take off
your clothes. You probably should have waited to eat."
Day 8 - 600 PM
Wt:115.5 Ht:63.8 Wst:27.7 Hip:29.9 Chst:31.9 Bust:32.9 Fat:7.1%
Note - Ate just before test.
She said, "It's not much different than the last one James."
"Can you start calling me Samantha?"
Lynn gave me a funny look. "Samantha Baker?"
"Yeah that's my alias. I need to get used to it."
"I was wondered why that name was on all over the computer. There's a
trust in that name for when you turn 18 with over $12 million in it.
Did you know that?"
I shook my head. "No."
"... there's also a bunch of bank accounts in both our names. This
place is in my name and the rent has been pre-paid for the next 3 years.
I've even got a job working for some trust company. I've got to call a
lawyer. He knows all about it and is supposed to help me set up your
"It didn't make a lot of sense when I first read the note. You are a
minor and there's no way Mom and Dad would let you live with me. But I
guess Sam ... I guess you had your reasons. We need to visit the lawyer
as soon as possible."
"Can we take care of the changes first? I really don't feel good Lynn
and we need to keep a low profile. Can you imagine what people would do
if they found out the truth?"
"This is all new to me as well James ... err Sam ... err uh god this is
so weird. I'm trying to process it all."
"Imagine if you were in my shoes."
"Umm speaking of shoes, those have to go."
I was wearing a pair of my most comfortable Chuck Taylors. "What wrong
with my these?"
She had a big smile on her face. "The fact that you don't know tells me
I have lots of work to do."
Lynn woke me out of a deep sl**p. I could see the worry on her face.
"You were screaming and it was starting to scare me."
I could barely keep my balance as I made my way to the bathroom. I
couldn't see any change in my face when I looked in the mirror but then
I'd be the last person to notice. My arms, chest, and legs reminded me
of a picture of starving c***dren in Africa. It probably wasn't that
bad but it was obvious I'd lost a lot of muscle mass.
Lynn noticed too and returned with one of the protein drinks Sam had
stocked in the refrigerator.
"How many of these have your drank today?"
I shook my head. "I haven't had any. I've been putting on weight and
my body fat is getting too high.
Lynn shouted at me, "That's the problem you idiot. Sam's instructions
said you needed to drink one every hour hours. Don't you understand
anything about food? Pasta = Starch = Energy. If you don't need the
energy then the body turns it to fat. Protein = Amino acids = the
fucking building blocks of life. Which one do you think you need right
"You were the one that made pasta for dinner."
"There were meatballs too and besides, I thought you were also drinking
the protein drinks!" She opened two. "Chug."
"I don't feel good Lynn."
The look in Lynn's eyes reminded me of the parent she was supposed to
eventually become. I couldn't help but laugh a little.
"It's not funny Sam. Drink!"
I finished one and had almost finished the other when she came back in
with two more.
"I'm full Lynn."
I could see she was in no mood to argue and drank the other even though
it felt like I might get sick at any time.
I started to argue as Lynn was really starting to sound like mom but I
was too tired to tell her.
I felt myself floating as I looked down on the man sl**ping in my bed.
He seemed familiar but I couldn't place him. The first thing I noticed
was a slight red glow that seemed to come from inside him and it grew in
strength every moment. I placed a hand on his forehead but withdrew it
just as fast as he felt hot to the touch. He started to speak but I
placed a finger on my lips. A simple nod from me was all he needed to
know that we were of like minds. I ran a hand through his hair and
found it soft to the touch. He smiled and put a hand behind my neck to
draw me near then placed a chaste kiss on my lips.
His smell was intoxicating and I could not help myself as I turned my
head and opened my mouth slightly. His tongue tasted minty as it
flitted into my mouth. An involuntary shudder ran up my spine and I
closed my eyes as I went back for another kiss.
He rolled me onto my back then bent his head and I felt his hot breath
on my neck. I felt myself stirring as his hand touched my breast. A
pink glow filled the room as the light inside him grew in intensity with
The light dimmed a bit when he pulled back but I could still see the
outline of his face. His lips looked bigger than I remembered but
neither of us were in any mood for questions.
I felt air on my breasts as a hand released the clasp on my bra and the
lips that had held my attention parted to show a smile hidden beneath.
The warmth of his touch on my breast brought unfamiliar sensations and I
bit my lip so as not to scream.
Something seemed wrong when I looked at my chest. Two nipples stood
prominent from the flat surface but the man didn't seem to care. A soft
hand stroked one and a feeling that began in my core radiated outward.
I closed my eyes to bask in the feeling when I felt a tongue touch my
breast. I screamed in delight. I felt a slight tug on my chest and
when I regained my senses I saw the man pinching my chest though I
barely felt it. The warmth that begin at his touch, swelled in my chest
and I felt the weight as I watched the mounds rise. He looked on in apt
appreciation for a moment then used his tongue to send another wave of
ecstasy through my nerve ending until I screamed as my fingers and toes
curled in delight.
I'd lost all comprehension of time but he brought me back with another
kiss to my lips and I felt the pressure on my chest as we embraced. My
face felt hot as he caressed my breast again then placed slow passionate
kisses to my forehead, cheeks, and mouth.
Through it all I felt the first response to my manhood in months. With
every touch and every embrace it grew until the pain blocked out
everything else. He must have noticed it too as I felt the silk of my
panties move against my skin as he pulled them down my leg.
I arched my back in anticipation but he returned to my breast as his
warm breath made me tingle there in a way I'd never thought possible. I
squirmed as he slowly made his way down my stomach and I screamed in
frustration as I felt the flit of tongue near by navel.
His kisses brought forth the familiar warmth throughout my waist and it
radiated to my hips. I didn't think I could take much more and when he
briefly licked me I think I might have passed out for a second. When I
regained my senses he was straddling me and I gave a frantic nod that we
I entered him moments later, slow at first and then faster until we
moved in unison and our bodies felt as one. Our eyes locked and his
gaze seemed to envelop me but my attention moved to the base of my
spine. The heat in my body seemed to center on that spot and as it
moved forward it was hard to tell where he started and I ended. Every
thrust of his hips felt odd as it seemed I was pressing deep in his
loins and as a series of shudders took me, I could hear nothing else but
the sound of a loud crack in my pelvis and my own high pitch screams.
Light filled the room and I grabbed him tight as he continued to enter
me over and over. I wrapped my legs around his back and didn't think I
could take it much longer until I saw the change on his face just as
another set of convulsions took me. As we screamed in unison, I felt
our bodies merge until moments later I found myself alone, sweating in
Sweat dripped from my face and I started to reach for my glasses but
clearly saw the clock across the room read 3:23am. Lynn was sprawled in
a chair at the foot of my bed.
I asked, 'Was that a dream?"
Lynn opened her eyes and smiled, "How are you feeling?"
I put a hand to my breast and felt a small lump that wasn't there when I
went to sl**p. "Weird."
"I'm sure." She handed me a protein drink and I didn't dare argue as I
downed in one long drink.
I put a hand to my forehead, "I think my fever has broken."
Lynn nodded, "I think so too. Your temperature was down when I measured
it at midnight."
"You did measurements while I slept?"
She nodded. "I figured you'd want me too."
I asked, "I guess. Pictures too?
"That's a bit creepy Lynn. So what's the verdict?"
"We can talk about it in the morning. You need your sl**p."
Lynn was using the 'I will be obeyed' voice that was quickly becoming
annoying. I was pretty tired and I remembered the dream. I smiled as I
placed a hand on top of each breast and thought back. I was pretty sure
it wasn't anything more than a fever dream but it was so vivid I doubt I
would ever forget it entirely. I hoped I might have it again.
Light was streaming into the room when I woke and Lynn was no where to
I hung my legs over the side of the bed saw two slender legs that nearly
touched the ground. As I stood I felt a slight bounce on my chest and
saw flesh straining my 'A' cup bra. Lynn must have heard me and gave me
a queer look as she stood in the doorway.
I said, "I'm scared Lynn."
"I know but you need to get up. It's almost time for another
I felt unsteady on my feet as my legs felt different and my hips felt
weird. I held the wall as I took a first tentative step and then
another as I made my way through the door.
Lynn was watching as I made my way across the room and couldn't help but
comment, "It's like watching a baby deer take it's first steps. It's
hard to believe you are a long distance running champ last week."
"Shut up Lynn this isn't easy."
"I know. I'm trying to lighten the mood."
As I made my way past the kitchen I tried to walk more with my hips and
less with my knees. It seemed easier that way. Lynn pointed to the
scale when I finally made it to the computer desk.
I asked her, "Are you going to tell me what happened last night?"
"When you are done."
I stood on the scale and waited until it gave a reading. "115.1 lbs."
"Good. You are still gaining weight."
I shrugged and didn't state the obvious that it was probably all in my
It seemed like Lynn was read my mind. "You need to take your bra off."
"Well first it's way too small and second I need to get a better
measurement. This was a pain to do while you slept. Thankfully you
were too exhausted to wake up." I noticed a wry smile had crept onto
I reached behind my back with a flexibility I hadn't had before and
unfastened the clasp. My breasts fell slightly and I felt the cool air
as they came to a rest. Both were cone shaped and one looked bigger
than the other.
I covered myself with both hands. "Lynn?"
Lynn didn't answer and used the measuring device for my height, my
waist, around my hips, under my breast, and then moved my hands so she
could measure my bust.
She started to enter the information into the computer as I felt panic
coming. I couldn't take my eyes off of my pointy chest and flat
"I know they might look weird right now but it's totally normal.
Sometimes they look like that when breasts first grow. They will get
rounder and even out in time."
"Are you sure?"
Lynn nodded as she finalized the data.
Her confidence didn't make me feel much better but I decided to change
the subject to take my mind off of it. "You are getting pretty good
with that thing."
She replied, "I studied computer science at school."
I nodded though I hadn't known. Lynn turned the computer screen to face
me so I could see the results. Obviously there were lots of changes.
Day 9 -?? 0:00, 06:00, 12:00
Wt:113.8 Ht:64.5 Wst:27.8 Hip:30.4 Chst:31.9 Bust:33.5 Fat:8.0%
Wt:114.6 Ht:65.3 Wst:27.8 Hip:31.4 Chst:31.9 Bust:34.0 Fat:8.5% Temp:
Wt:115.1 Ht:66.1 Wst:27.9 Hip:32.2 Chst:31.9 Bust:34.4 Fat:9.1% Temp:
Note -? Big changes overnight! Temperature dropping.
"I'm 5'6"? Awesome!"
"That's all you have to say?"
"Do you know how long I've been waiting for my growth spurt?"
Lynn said, "Do you realize you have tits? You look like a solid B cup
I blushed and nodded. "This is all too new. I feel weird. I don't
even want to check out the other things."
Lynn snapped a picture of my naked body. I didn't dare look down. "We
need to. I'm going to call my gynecologist to set up an appointment but
we need to make sure the change is complete. I think most of it took
place last night but we will wait just to make sure." She turned the
computer screen so I could see the changes but I turned away.
"I don't think I'm ready for that yet."
"You need to see... " A knock at the door interrupted our conversation.
Lynn looked at me and I shrugged.
She ordered, "Go to the bedroom."
I made my way across the room as fast as I could then stood next to my
bedroom door and tried to listen to the conversation. I couldn't make
out the words but heard shouting.
A little while later I heard a familiar voice call, "James!"
I grabbed a blanket from off the bed to cover myself as the voice grew
closer. "Are you in there James?"
I tried to run into the bathroom but my legs wouldn't move that fast and
Mom opened the door before I could get around the corner. Neither of us
spoke for a few seconds as she stared at my blanket covered body. She
turned to Lynn who stood redfaced in the bedroom door.
Mom said, "Who is this slut?
The words felt like a punch to the gut.
Lynn said, "Like I said, she's my roommate Samantha. Samantha meet my
I couldn't talk for a second as I tried to find my voice.
The words came out in an odd tone, "Nice meeting you ma"??am."
Mom checked the bathroom and closet then turned and walked out of the
room. Lynn winked at me as she passed then gave Mom the smug look I'd
seen a thousand times before. "I told you James isn't here Mom but I
will tell him you called if I see him."
"There is a naked picture of that girl up on your computer and this
place smells of sex and stale cigarettes Lynn. I always told you if you
weren't careful you were going to become a whore and it looks like it is
"I'm doing ok Mom. You'll see."
The sound of the door slamming shut ended the conversation.
A few seconds later Lynn popped her head in the room with a glisten in
her eyes. "Mom called."
I shook my head. "So I saw. What just happened?"
Lynn held up her cell phone. "Mom tracked me. I wondered why they
hadn't turned it off after they disowned me the other day. I guess it
came in handy. One more thing for my to do list."
I felt a tear come to my eye. "Mom didn't recognize me. And she was so
"I've told you not to worry about what she thinks but you really need to
take a look in a mirror to understand why she didn't recognize you.
Close your eyes."
Lynn led me to the bathroom and turned on the light. "Ok now open your
The person looking back was nothing like I expected. The girl had short
blonde hair framing a small freckled face, pale blue eyes, a slight case
of acne, and lips that looked too large for her mouth. Long thin arms
hung from her slumped shoulders and her hands quickly covered both
breasts. Her midsection had the firm look of someone who worked out and
as I turned I saw that the black panties covered ample hips and an ass
that was undoubtedly female. The long legs of a runner struggled to
hold everything upright.
Lynn cooed, "You're purty but don't slouch. That isn't attractive."
I arched my back so I stopped slouching but it felt like I was trying to
stick my boobs out. I returned to my former posture. "You're just
saying that. I'm not pretty at all! I'm all gangly. And how did I get
blonde hair? And blue eyes?"
Lynn shrugged. "You're asking me? I couldn't believe it when I saw it
change as you slept and then I about fainted when I saw your eyes when
you woke up."
"No wonder Mom didn't recognize me."
Lynn said, "My guess is your future self thought blondes have more fun.
Hair and eye color are controlled by genetics you know. Your future
self is such a little perv!"
I thought about it. "That makes sense. The genetics part not the perv
part. I wonder if he changed anything else?" I saw my glasses clearly
on my bedside table across the room and looked at the clock. 12:20 PM.
Lynn answered, "Only time will tell but now you need to take a shower."
"I don't think I can do that yet Lynn."
"I don't care. I didn't want to say anything earlier but you stink bad.
I'm surprised the neighbors didn't call the cops with all the screaming
you did last night. Mom was right about one thing. Your room does
smells like a whorehouse."
Images of my dreams flashed through my mind and I watched the cheeks
redden on the blonde in the mirror. "Was it bad?"
"To be honest I was jealous. After a while, it sounded like you were
having lots of fun but you need to clean up. I'll go make lunch and we
can decide what to do after that."
I couldn't take my eyes off the girl in the mirror. "I don't think I
can deal with this Lynn. This is too much. I don't know what to do. I
don't know how to act."
Lynn answered, "Just act how you act. There are no rules. Most 15 year
old girls don't have a clue how to act either. But right now I need you
to ... TAKE ... A ... SHOWER!!! I hope I don't need to say it again."
"God you are getting annoying Lynn."
Lynn said, "I think you'll be better at this than you realize. You are
already starting to get on my nerves like a 15 year old girl."
The shower felt good on my skin though I tried to ignore the blonde tuft
of hair that I could see below my waistline as I washed. The water felt
especially odd as it hit my chest and I spent a few minutes laughing as
I poked myself over then watched them bounce.
'If the guys on the football team could only see me now.'
Actually I thought most of them would like that and as much as my
anxiety was at out of control I had to admit I loved what had happened.
Images of showering with the boys on the team flashed in my head and I
felt the first tingle I remembered from my dream the night before.
My hand had a mind of its own. I slowly reached down past familiar
territory into the unknown and a fold of skin that already felt wet.
"Oh god, Mom's right. I am a slut!"
I grabbed the body sponge and the shower gel then scrubbed myself from
head to toe then dried as quick as I could. I squeezed myself into the
red bra with matching panties and pulled a couple of outfits from the
closet but nothing seemed right.
I shouted out the door, "Lynn?"
I heard her voice, "Yeah?"
"I don't know what to wear."
I heard the sound of laughter. A few seconds later Lynn popped her head
in the room. "What's wrong with that pink outfit? It would look cute
"I don't know."
You didn't have a problem with it a few days ago. What's wrong now?"
"I wasn't going to leave my bedroom a few days ago. I'd like something
a little longer."
"Women's clothing always covers a lot less compared to men's. Have you
ever seen a man's leggings, even in summer, shorter than his knees?
Women's clothing on the other hand are routinely shorter than knee
length, even in wintertime. You will get used to showing your calves,
thighs, shoulders, arms, and midriff. Men tease us about how much we
obsess about our weight but society dictates we show more skin. It all
goes with the delight of being a woman. Now try on the pink outfit."
"That's not fair. Can't I wear jeans or something?"
"You don't have any jeans. What's wrong Samantha? Where did the person
go that kept wearing my stuff all last year?
I pointed at my body. "This is just a lot and it isn't what I expected.
I don't look right and I'm sticking out all over."
Lynn shook her head. "Wow. ??You've been in a girl's body for less
than a day and you already have body image issues. You look good for
your age Samantha. You'll see. When you grow into those legs and arms,
the boys will flock to your door. Besides all they are interested in
are that and those." She pointed at my crotch and chest.
"But that's a problem too." I lowered my voice. "Do you know how hard
it was for me on the football team? All those guys surrounding me in
the shower? I would have gotten pummelled if anyone knew what I was
thinking all the time but I'm still having those thoughts. It's even
stronger in some ways."
Lynn asked, "Do you think girls want sex any less than boys?"
I shrugged. "It's ok for boys. There's a name for girls that like sex
too much. Mom called me one before she left."
Lynn smiled, "Look I understand but thinking is not doing and there's
nothing wrong with thinking about it. Sex dominated most of the
conversations in my girls dorm last year."
"Mom was always yelling at you not to get too close to boys."
Lynn did her best Mom impersonation as she walked out the door, "There's
a good reason called pregnancy and we will talk about that later young
lady. Get dressed. Your lunch is getting cold."
I pulled the skirt up over my hips and tried to ignore that my ass had
stretched the fabric and now was on display for the entire world to see.
The top had been loose the last time I wore it but now the pleats
extended to accommodate my new anatomy.
I looked in the mirror and it didn't look too bad. I arched my back to
stop my shoulders from slouching which made my breast seem even more
prominent. The clothing supported my frame in a way that made me look
older and extenuated my features. I couldn't help but smile.
Lynn called out from the kitchen. "Are you about ready Sam?"
"In a minute." I looked at myself in the mirror and decided with the
right outfit and a little bit of makeup I might be considered cute. It
was hard to tell.
"Come on Sam!"
I hurried to the kitchen and sat at the table.
"I told you that outfit would look cute on you."
"I will let you in on a secret Samantha. Everyone, boys and girls, men
and women, even the most handsome person you see on television ...
everyone has body issues. That's why there's so many different types of
clothing. Why do you think I spent all that time shopping when I was
I nodded. "I guess that makes sense."
"It's because it is the truth. I will take you shopping and we will
find you some things you like. Every outfit looks different on every
woman because our curves define us. It's why we shop. It's why we try
on each other's clothing. Each outfit lets us reinvent ourselves and
helps us accept our differences. You will see."
Something was bothering me. "Lynn?"
"Why are you being so nice to me?"
"It's hard to explain. You should probably read this." She passed me
the note Sam#3 had left for her.
I've put this apartment in your name and stocked it with enough food to
last a month. I've made arrangements beyond that and you will find the
all the details on the computer and in the file cabinet.
James can give you the details of why I'm doing this but my biggest
concern when I decided to help him is that he is only 15 years old and
needed someone to lean on for support. That person has to be you. I
hope you don't think this is an unfair imposition and I've tried to set
both of you up for the best chance for a happy life.
You don't know how happy I was to spend some time with you at the diner
today even if you didn't remember me. Your constant support meant more
than anything to me through all my dark times and it is one of my
deepest regrets to have never had a chance to tell you how much I
appreciated it. I know I am asking a lot by throwing the responsibility
of raising James on you but I know you can handle it. There's strength
inside you and James will need to lean on it until he finds his own way.
All my love,
Lynn's eyes were glistening when I finished. She said, "I don't know
what I'm doing either but we will figure it out."
Neither of us spoke for a while as we ate.
Finally Lynn asked, "Are you interested in going shopping after we do
the dishes? School starts soon and you need lots of new outfits. You
definitely need some new bras. We could even go to the sports store and
find you a pair of running shoes."
I gave a broad smile, "I'd really like that Lynn."
Epilogue (one month later)
The school yard was full and I tried not to notice the stares as I made
my way from the registrar's office. I walked slowly as I was still
getting the hang of heels but I was willing to take the risk even if a
fall now would undo my advantage. Two inch heels were more than I
should have tried with a month's practice but after a lifetime of
looking up to everyone I wanted to take every advantage available. My
skirt ended just above the knee and while I wasn't exactly comfortable
with the attention my legs got, I had to admit, part of me liked it.
The top I chose straddled the line of almost being too much but today
was a special day.
Lynn and I continued to measure every day after "The Change" but nothing
was as dramatic. After Day 14 the changes seemed to stop and Lynn
finally allowed me to buy some clothes instead of just trying on outfit
after outfit. In the end, I gained another five lbs of fat and it ended
up in the places you'd expect. Lynn said my hips were about same size
as hers. The truth was I looked a lot like a younger, blonder version
of her. My breasts weren't as big but there was still time. Part of me
hoped they had stopped as it was getting annoying as I ran that my
sports bra got so much attention.
Lynn dropped me off for my first day of school and the entire ride she
gave me lots of pointers on the creepy teachers to avoid, the clubs to
join, and the best make out spots where no one ever looked. I'd always
thought I'd known my s****r but every day I'm learning that life is
different on the other side.
I saw a familiar face and tried not to seem obvious as I veered in his
direction. Some of the tricks Lynn taught me made everything easier to
cope. I am the new k** in school after all. Everyone is interested in
the new girl. I tried not to laugh as I saw his eyes follow at my
approach. I found a spot to stand nearby and hoped it didn't seem like
I was coming on to him. A girl has to protect her reputation after all.
"Are you new here?"
I gave him my best smile, "I just moved here and I don't know anyone."
"What class are you in?"
"I'm a junior."
He held out his hand. "I'm Tim by the way."
I give him a shy smile and ran my fingers through my hair like Lynn
taught though I figured that move would be a lot more effective when my
hair was as long as hers. "I'm Samantha. Nice to meet you Tim."
Things got quiet and I could sense his desperation to keep the
"Do you play any sports?"
I nodded. "I'm thinking about trying out for the cross country team."
His face brightened. "Me too! Well maybe. I'm not sure football is
for me anymore."
Tim smiled as he spoke and it made my heart race.
I can't explain it but things feel right. Before I met Sam I felt like
one of those shopping carts with a wobbly wheel. Anyone who's ever been
in a grocery store knows what I'm talking about. Those carts are mostly
annoying like a buzz in the back of your mind but every once in a while
the wobbly wheel gains traction and next thing you know you are about to
crash into something. That's the way I felt before the change.
Lynn has been great. We've talked about trying to figure a way to get
Mom & Dad back in our lives but it doesn't seem possible just yet. We
have agreed that just because my parents were jerks in Sam#1 and Sam#3's
universe, it doesn't mean our parents should have to suffer for it. I
miss them and I'm sure they miss us so we will let their actions dictate
our relationship. Like Sam#3 said -- this is my world. I can decide
what to do in it. Lynn and I are doing ok for now and she even was able
to get her credits to transfer to a nearby college. She's going there
Tim interrupted my thoughts, "Can I walk you to class?"
I nod, hand him my books, and try to hide the proud smile from showing
on face. Betsy doesn't stand a chance.
Thanks Sam. Thanks Samantha. I will never forget you. My mystic